Sorry for boring you all with jokes...........received today........I just thought these were funny

CatGirl says on Jan 31, 2008, 11:02:

Raay: This is just up my alley! I'm in the Medical Legal field and I must say - these are a crack up!!!!!! jajaja

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

slguy says on Jan 31, 2008, 12:55:

Great post!

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

podborski says on Jan 31, 2008, 13:53:

very funny!

slguy says on Jan 31, 2008, 14:55:

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and a woman

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. . Kill Her !!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minute, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:
Women are evil.
Don't mess with them

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

travelingirl says on Jan 31, 2008, 15:33:

HAHAHA, that last one slguy... you're too much. lol

Around her hair she wore a yellow ribbon...

CatGirl says on Jan 31, 2008, 15:57:

Hmm slygy: maybe the final word should be....if the job has gotta be done and you ask a woman to do it, it'll get done (so careful what you ask)..jaja

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

msaucey says on Jan 31, 2008, 16:37:

LOL... slguy... that was a good one.... Sometimes it takes a women to get the job done... No questions asked...

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

slguy says on Feb 6, 2008, 11:17:

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied
that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to
help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped
His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with
sapphires..

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked The seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble
studded with rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, 'Yes.'

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under
the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her,
'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is
this your husband?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you
would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the
best interest of others.

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

houstongal says on Feb 6, 2008, 15:47:

jeejejejeeeee......long, but amusing slguy!!

Culture is language and language is culture - Dr. Annamaria Napolitano

slguy says on Feb 6, 2008, 16:25:

I was bored. ;)

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

houstongal says on Feb 6, 2008, 16:26:

No boat, so bored.....

Culture is language and language is culture - Dr. Annamaria Napolitano

slguy says on Feb 6, 2008, 16:40:

exactly! one can only read so many ads "boat for sale!"

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

sloopskipper says on Feb 8, 2008, 04:40:

FUNNY stuff, all of it!

slguy says on Feb 8, 2008, 07:17:

Chilling final moments of a man's life....

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

slguy says on Feb 10, 2008, 17:23:

A woman has 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sits down, aman comes along and asks her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.
"No," she said, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would havea seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. Iwas supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got marriedin 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The woman shakes her head, "Nah, they're all at the funeral."

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

RAAAY says on Feb 10, 2008, 17:33:

funny................good one...................

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

slguy says on Feb 11, 2008, 17:19:

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my friends generous genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt..

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.


After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

RAAAY says on Feb 11, 2008, 18:05:

Holy chit...that was good.

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

msaucey says on Feb 28, 2008, 15:40:

Okay, so I'm working on my taxes (well gathering my data anyway)... and I by chance received this and thought of this post!...

The IRS & The Rabbi

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says,' I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.'

'Yes,' answered the Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?' he asked.

'A good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way. 'Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi calmly, 'we actually collect up the crumbs, and we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?'

'Yes, here too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins. And when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue Service.'

'Internal Revenue Service?' questioned the auditor in disbelief.

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, 'Internal Revenue Service. And ... about once a year, they send us a little prick like you.'

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

NataliaV says on Feb 28, 2008, 16:09:

jajaja they are all pretty good! Sly - I really liked the Schitt family. Very amusing.

houstongal says on Feb 28, 2008, 16:18:

LOL MS! Thank goodness I'm not an IRS auditor! We're not all nasty little people! :-)

Culture is language and language is culture - Dr. Annamaria Napolitano

CatGirl says on Feb 28, 2008, 16:42:

SLgy: Keep up the good jokes

Hey HG, how's Mexico?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

houstongal says on Feb 28, 2008, 17:16:

Warming up. Food is wonderful. Cute guys at work. Makes the day go by faster!

Culture is language and language is culture - Dr. Annamaria Napolitano

MaFe says on Feb 28, 2008, 18:23:

Ja ja ja "did you actually pass the bar exam?" JA JA JA

"All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. "-Aristotle

RAAAY says on Feb 29, 2008, 15:30:

.

.
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.


After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.


She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'



.

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

huskie says on Feb 29, 2008, 17:22:

Sorry is in Spanish

Un niño japonés llega a USA.

Es el primer día de clases y la maestra

presenta a Susuki, hijo de un empresario japonés, a los chicos de
sexto grado.

La maestra les dice: 'Empecemos repasando un poco de historia americana.

Quien dijo 'Denme la libertad o denme la muerte?'

La clase se queda callada, excepto por Susuki:

Lo dijo Patrick
Henry, 1775.

La maestra, asombrada, les dice: - 'Chicos, debería darles
vergüenza. Susuki, que es nuevo en nuestro país, y sabe más de nuestra
historia que ustedes'.

La maestra alcanza a escuchar un susurro:

'A la mierda con los
malditos japoneses!'.


¿Quién dijo eso? Pregunta la maestra.

Nuevamente Susuki levanta su
mano y dice:

'General McArthur, 1942 y Lee Iacocca, 1982'.


Uno de los alumnos, furioso, le grita al japonés desde el fondo:

'¡Chúpame esta!'.

Susuki, casi saltando en su silla, le dice a la maestra:

'Bill
Clinton a Monica Lewinsky. 1997'


La clase entra en un estado de histeria. La maestra se desmaya, cunde
el caos

Mientras los chicos se arremolinan alrededor de la desvanecida
maestra, uno de ellos exclama:

'Mierda, y ahora ¿cómo salimos de
esta?...

' y Susuki responde: -' George W. Bush, inmediatamente después
de la invasión de Irak, 2003.


Por último un niño encandilado por tanta participación del japonés
grita.

¿Por qué no te callas?

Y Susuki responde:

Juan Carlos I, rey de
España, en Santiago de Chile, 10 de noviembre de 2007.
Cheers

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds-"

msaucey says on Feb 29, 2008, 21:48:

HG, you of course are the exception of the rule when it comes to auditing.... Actually, we were just audited at work by 3 different agencies, NOT pretty..... We took over 5 departments in October and discovered a ton of things that were obviously falling through the cracks... Needless to say, we knew we had out work cut out for us.... anyway, January we're told that auditors will show up at the end of the month... We really didn't have too much time to fix and put things in order, so we knew we were going to fail.... Oh well, needless to say, we have a lot of clean up to do.... Enjoy el DF tomorrow...

Raay and Huskie those are pretty good.... Huskie yours must be recent since it now includes the Huge remark...

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

RAAAY says on Mar 4, 2008, 16:23:

.
............... WHERE DID THE WHITE MAN GO WRONG?
.


Indian Chief, 'Two Eagles,' was asked by a white government
official,

'You have observed the white man for 90 years.
You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'


The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued,

'Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute
and then calmly replied.

'When white man find land, Indians
running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver,
Clean Water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend
all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'


Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to
think he can improve system like that.'

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 17:01:

Un hombre duro entra a una cantina y dibuja una raya en el suelo.

Dice, "Todos a la izquierda, chingan a sus madres! Y todo a la derecha son maricas."

Un hombre a la derecha se queja. "No soy marica!"

El primer hombre dice. "Perdón. Disculpéme. Por favor, pudiera ir al otro lado..."

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

MaFe says on Mar 4, 2008, 17:55:

En una tranquila ciudad de España vivía un reconocido torero llamado 'El Curro'.
Cerca del Curro se mudó un jovial chinito, quien no sabía pronunciar bien la erre.
Una mañana, se encuentran los dos y el chino le dirigió un cordial saludo: -'Buen día señol Culo'
Por supuesto que al Curro no le hacía gracia, pero lo dejó pasar.
Durante la siguiente semana, había el mismo saludo.
El Curro no pudo aguantar más y se compró dos perros pastor alemán y los entrenó para atacar al chino.Cuando el chino se acercó para saludarlo, el Curro le echó los perros. Con suma rapidez, el asiático sacó dos cuchillos de los pantalones, y se paró rígido en posición de defensa, listo para enfrentar los perros.
El Curro se da cuenta que el chino va a cortar los perros, y pega un silbido. Los perros entran a la casa. Esto se repite varias veces, hasta que el chino decide poner una denuncia en la comisaría.
El comisario le pregunta: -'¿Cuál es su problema?' A lo que el chino responde: -'Mile señol comisalio, mi denuncia es polque los pelos del culo no me dejan caminal.'
El comisario se quedó perplejo, pero le siguió la corriente y dijo: -'Bueno amigo, pues córteselos' El chino respondió: 'Eso es lo que quielo hacel, pelo cada vez que los quielo coltal, el Culo silba ylospelos sevan pala adentlo'

"All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. "-Aristotle

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 18:21:

Un hombre camina al Registro Civil. "Quisiera cambiar mi nombre."

"Cómo se llama"

"Pedro Caca."

"Caca! Claro que quiere cambiar su nombre. A qué?"

"Pablo Caca."

-----------------

Otro hombre quiere cambiar su nombre.

"Y qué es su nombre?"

"P-P-P-Pa-P-P-Pablo Diaz"

"P-P-P-Pablo? Tartamudea?"

"No. No tartamudeo. Mi PADRE tartamudea, y eso estaba inscrito en el registro civil!"

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

houstongal says on Mar 4, 2008, 19:14:

Hey MT...did you learn these in school in Mexico?!

Culture is language and language is culture - Dr. Annamaria Napolitano

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 19:38:

In Mexico, but not in school.

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

houstongal says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:01:

jajaja.....now we know what you were doing in your spare time. Learning jokes in Spanish!

Culture is language and language is culture - Dr. Annamaria Napolitano

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:14:

The best jokes I can't print here. ;)

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

christobeldawg says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:18:

Did you wake up cranky today?
Yeah, but I decided I'd better let her sleep.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

christobeldawg says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:20:

The local cop saw the town drunk today staggering down the sidewalk. He walked up to him and said, "Drunk again?". The drunk said, "me too."

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

christobeldawg says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:21:

see, jokes don't have to be long.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:44:

They don't even have to be good.

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

christobeldawg says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:47:

hey come on Man.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

christobeldawg says on Mar 4, 2008, 20:48:

just illustrating if they aren't that good, at least these weren't long

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 21:03:

Mine weren't good either. But they were bad in spicspeak.

Been a while since we chatted, dawg. How are things?

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

christobeldawg says on Mar 4, 2008, 21:27:

Everything's cool MT, thanks for asking. How are you? I am going to Colombia soon, just in time for the war. great.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

Man Tequila says on Mar 4, 2008, 21:44:

Just back from Mexico. Had fun. Learned much. Wish I was going to Colombia...

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

huskie says on Mar 5, 2008, 05:18:

Stereotypes? Just some....


Cheers

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds-"

MaFe says on Mar 5, 2008, 14:53:

Wow Huskie, that's so pathetic...
but in all defense I was raised in the states and I know my geography/history..
maybe it's because I come from a Colombian mother?

"All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. "-Aristotle

huskie says on Mar 5, 2008, 15:12:

I am sure that is one good reason! My daughter sent this to me and she is 50% US american and 50% colombian.
Cheers

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds-"

RAAAY says on Mar 6, 2008, 17:28:

.
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman
waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't
place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my
bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'


.

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

huskie says on Mar 7, 2008, 07:02:

BTW RAAAY Did you really got beaten up in Medellin?
Cheers

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds-"

RAAAY says on Mar 7, 2008, 07:38:

No.......

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

huskie says on Mar 7, 2008, 11:33:

Good
Cheers

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds-"

RAAAY says on Mar 11, 2008, 06:29:

A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?
"Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again ; "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars; Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there ."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them,
licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", says the Scotsman... "Costs too much..."

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

huskie says on Mar 11, 2008, 06:57:

JAJAJA!!!

9 WORDS WOMEN USE


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually
end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement

often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you
about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just
say
you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true unless she
says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at
all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying FORGET YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,
meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's
wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

CHEERS

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds-"

goin_south says on Mar 17, 2008, 18:24:

GOTTA LOVE A DRUNK!!
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches 'Can I help you sir '
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr' the man replies.
The cop asks 'Where was your car the last time you saw it '
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key' the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner h anging
out
of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
missing a beat, blurts out...........
'Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone too!'

and, thank you.