Secrets of Married Men - Men, especially married men, are at a disadvantage in relationships, both verbally and emotionally.

CatGirl says on Jul 9, 2008, 19:36:

Good post Brian 858, I think a big peice is attempting to not take the the other person for granted...keeps the excitement level up.

Unfortunately, there are some that unconsciously inject unnecessary drama into a relationship for excitement....not a good idea.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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MaFe says on Jul 9, 2008, 19:40:

Good article...Huskie I agree with you!

* "In general, extramarital sex is not as good as marital sex. On average, married couples have more sex than any other group. The bottom line is affairs can be prevented. It's all in the choices you make."

I find this to be true- so ladies who always have a headache...beware...je je

"All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. "-Aristotle

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aztec says on Jul 10, 2008, 08:26:

Really?

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christobeldawg says on Jul 10, 2008, 22:54:

hmmm

traveling hopefully is always better than arriving

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CatGirl says on Jul 11, 2008, 08:14:

Geez Morph. Can I share something with ya..it may not be isolated to men? jaja. When I was doing my OB/GYN rotation and assisted in my first birth (with another fellow student) - both of us gals left the room holding our stomachs and looked at each other and said "oh MY God!". After that day I can only tell you I think that in areas where there are high populations of teen pregnancy - they should bring the gals in the deliver room, guaranteed this will decrease those that take it too lightly.

Iroonically, there is another odd thing about this phenomena - women in OB/GYN and Peds field are much more likely to have children. It is a generally known medical field norm that whenever a female collegue tranfers to OB/GYN or Pediatrics - oops! She will be pregnant within one year. I guess after a while you get used to it when around it all day.

PS - sorry to the OP if I derailed too much from topic -

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jul 11, 2008, 08:16:

Oh - and Morph....sorry to hear that BTW.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jul 11, 2008, 08:34:

jaja, Morphus - maybe I don't have this issue. I do have a gf that did once, but she left her hubby for another woman. Maybe again its simply from me being in the medical field, jaja. I have seen it all and smelled it all - LOL. But you are correct, it does happen and is a fact of life. But the attracttion part? hmmm. Nope never lost physical attraction because of normally expected functions - but I have lost attraction to someone because I have lost respect for them or because they have treated me disrespecfully. Maybe I look a bit deeper, dunno

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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kalder says on Jul 11, 2008, 10:19:

For a bachelor, Morphus has an uncanny level of insight into the Married State.

"A piece of cheese may entrap a mouse, but a bicycle could ensnare the Imperial Chancellor."~~An Bai Kuang

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) (☼Travelguide writer) says on Jul 11, 2008, 12:25:

CatGirl says on Jul 11, 2008, 20:55:

Morph "Men have the best sex with women that they do not respect. Plus, when men cheat on their wives, its mostly for entertainment purposes. They still love their wives."

Morphus, I appreciate your straightfoward comment. There is a connection between this coment and your other comment about childbirth. Not all men are this way though, but you will find most men that claim what you are claiming have something in common:

The same type of relationship with the first person they bonded with when they were brought into this world. Freud is amok.

Either way, yes I have seen (but not witnessed) - there are a certain generation or age group of men that are hardwired this way. But not all. ;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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christobeldawg says on Jul 11, 2008, 22:19:

some guys are perfectly happy having sex only with their wives, if they love and respect her. They obviously do think of other women, but they keep that under control in their actual actions.

traveling hopefully is always better than arriving

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mimimimimi says on Jul 12, 2008, 02:48:

I rule my marriage with my little iron fist hahaha ...

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webmanco says on Jul 12, 2008, 06:11:

mi a la 6, I thought you left with Rubito :-)

No hay extremo cierto o verdadero, porque los extremos opacan, enruedan, (lavan cerebros) verdades. Yotas

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Plato says on Jul 12, 2008, 09:25:

Here’s my take on the article:

(1) “Men who stay married have somehow learned techniques to preserve their relationships. He notes that "most men have learned these techniques on their own and don't do it in obvious ways."

Agreed. Conscientious married men pass this information over to buddies that are having trouble in their marriages. I would never recommend divorce until all other options have been exhausted.

(2) Haltzman contends that marriage is as much a health issue as a quality of life issue. Married men make more money, have more peace of mind, and have more and better sex. Marriage also lowers men's health risk, while divorce raises the risk of death by 200 percent for men.

Agreed, but I’m not sure about “risk of death by 200 percent for men?"
_____________

Tidbits of his own wisdom:

(3) Working on a relationship is a man's job as much as a woman's. Often it is the man's behavior that predicts whether a couple stays together. Men need to accept the influence of their wives.

Bullshit. It’s as much as the woman’s behavior too because they're difficult to figure out. Unlike men who are pretty much straight forward, I can never pin down the source of a women’s discontent because they’re all over the place with their emotions. This is a common guy-gal problem.

(4) Once men decide to marry, they are more committed to the relationship than women are.

Plausible. Most men want to do the right thing. Maybe marriages don’t work out because men weren’t honest with themselves initially and they wanted to make their girlfriends happy. Once the hardships of marriage begin, then they question whether they made the right choice. They figure out that they were too hasty in their decision. Same goes for women.

(5) Guys look at relationships differently from women, but the most commonly discussed ways of fixing relationships are geared to feminine styles.

Agreed. Once again, a man feels compelled to make their partner happy.

(6) Men really do feel incredible passion for their wives, but they don't recognize it sometimes."

Don’t know about this. I always feel passion for my wife. It’s true that I get pissed at her sometimes, but there is passion in our marriage. The problem is when to express those passions? If you have kids – forgettaboutddiit! You have to make appointments to express those passions.

(7) "Most affairs don't happen by chance meetings. Infidelity occurs in up to 40 percent of marriages. By age 45, two out of every five men and one out of every five women has had at least one affair."

Never cheated, but I do enjoy looking at beautiful women and dancing with them. I also enjoy talking with them but I’m torturing myself. I sometimes feel like I want to jump their bones. Hey, with so many hotels around New York City, I can easily have affairs with several women – and so can my wife. But then my conscience would be all fucked-up. No, I can’t do it. I don’t know how some guys do it and sleep peacefully at night with their wives.

(8) "For an overwhelming majority of spouses who cheat—80 percent—the reason is not sexual. Most simply seek validation, warmth, understanding, or love."

Don ‘t agree. I think men cheat because they’re looking for excitement in sex, you know, some new tricks. The same goes for women.

(9) "In general, extramarital sex is not as good as marital sex. On average, married couples have more sex than any other group. The bottom line is affairs can be prevented. It's all in the choices you make."

Agreed.

(10) "Marriages improve when a spouse learns to shift away from his or her own personal desires and listen to the needs of the husband or wife."

Agreed. It’s called COMPROMISE.

Plato

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those [liberals] who, in time of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.--Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

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dwmte7 says on Jul 12, 2008, 11:36:

i couldn't go through a list of issues 1 thru 10 and say why men and/or women do/did this or that. but, i can say why i did these things. and i confess to you, it is not with pride. i was young, horney, successful, good looking and had all the toys. i was so fricken unfaithful that i had a bed built in above my desk in my office on this small balcony there. any gal that worked in any of my stores knew that a long work history pretty much depended on how well she fucked me. aint that horrible. what was it about? not good sex with my wife? rubbish. i had great intimacy with my wife. i was just a horndog...a fricken nymphomaniac--(does that word apply to men as well?) any way, i wanted to get laid several times a day every day of the week.

i would get up in kensington (berkeley hills) drive behind the university by the reactor, dropdown on the other end of the campus to telegraph ave, hit the medeterranean cafe and drink a macchiato. oh, i'd smoke a joint on the way. at the med, i'd basically take my pick of the young ladies. now that i think back, it was easy...that was the mid '60's, the make love, not war era and just about everyone was in love with loving. anyway, i'd hook up with some honey, head up to tilden park, boink around for an hour or so and off to my office, or one of the stores. i didn't have to hurry, i had a business mgr who kept the show on the road while was getting laid. back at my office, "service" was a command away...if not at the one of the two stores on solano ave, then from one of the gals working in walnut square.

those that loved it, loved it. she'ld get high, get laid, do a little drinking, hang out listen to music, maybe even take off to a restaurant or bar with me, and get paid at the same time.

now, looking back....i see how disgraceful it all was, but it sure was fun. i had more tail than i ever could have imagined, ever dreamed of. it was like a fuck a thon. went on for a number of years, until my wife finally divorced me. remember i've been in divorce court six times so that shows how daliant i was. no defense.

men, i know you love nookie. get your fuckin done before you marry. because, after marriage, although it can certainly be romantic and intimate and loving, it's just not crazy passionate like those days were for me. nutsoidal!!!

patriarch

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CatGirl says on Jul 12, 2008, 11:50:

Douglas "a fricken nymphomaniac" - sure there lots of men like this...I was engaged to one, but he never had a wondering (snake) eye, we were quite busy as you can imagine jeje.

I am sure you know the world is a different place now. Loyalty is important - but what you just described above you did nowadays or in the lates 80's - bringing home a lethal problem to your wife/ves would have been worse. Probably good ya slowed down - UNO. Or something else will stop you dead in your tracks. ;)

Kitty prefers Quality over Quantity anyday. Qualiy of Life and Quality of relationships. Rather have 2 Quality friends than 20 flakes that blow away when things get tough.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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MaFe says on Jul 12, 2008, 13:16:

CatGirl says on Jul 12 (today): flag

Kitty prefers Quality over Quantity anyday. Qualiy of Life and Quality of relationships. Rather have 2 Quality friends than 20 flakes that blow away when things get tough.

This is so true Kitty! I rather have 1 good friend than 10 back stabbers!

"All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. "-Aristotle

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dwmte7 says on Jul 12, 2008, 16:27:

kitty...this was back in the late 60's and early 70's when i was still hard and dumb.

patriarch

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CatGirl says on Jul 12, 2008, 16:36:

Douglas - no problem...no judgements. I completely understand ;). You must have been one ambitious high energy guy to keep up with yourself jeje

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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dwmte7 says on Jul 12, 2008, 17:00:

without banging a drum or hangin out on confession, i just had very successful businesses, found myself travelling all over the world, was good looking, hip, lived at the edge and never wanted to stop. i wasn't even doing drugs...except for smokin pot. and not a whole lot of that. i guess testosterone had me by the short and curleys and only wanted a place to express. it was wild....nobody kept up with me. even now, i can't stop, although life doesn't contain compromises, i have to admit, nobody keeps up with me. i guess i was born under a cavallier star and just wasn't satisfied with the drivel that turned on the commen stream of life, i had to live at the cutting edge. i still do in many ways...however now, a whole bunch is in my petuitary...mental....another world that common folks have no clue about, a place out sied of the siderial. there, i can travel far, yet not move. see everything but not open my eyes, know without thinking....i just wish i knew of this before i abused myself so.

my brother's a dr. in berkeley and he told me once, "......LORD sure cuts you a lot of slack, douglas." thus he.

patriarch

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CatGirl says on Jul 12, 2008, 17:52:

jajaja...this one is good... I hope it works

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jul 12, 2008, 17:52:

Nope ...let me try somthing else

Well I am technically challenged and I cannot change this so here is the link to a hillarious clip about double jepardy infideltity Latin vs Indian

Desi Comedy Network BTW

http://www.revver.com/video/112899/desi-force-black-turban/

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jul 12, 2008, 18:02:

I stumbled upon it on my search to find the meaning behind the black turbon, jeje. I really do need to know what it means BTW..no joke..but I was invisible when I asked the question on the board.
Anyways, I just thought I'd share a chuckle ;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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dwmte7 says on Jul 12, 2008, 18:25:

kitty....wht the f was all that about. i was stumbling off to bed--several vodkas later, and i decided to check in and check out...and thr black turban.../?? wt=f i can't even type, i'm crashing fast..............goneeeeeeeeeee

patriarch

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Plato says on Jul 12, 2008, 19:27:

O.k . . . that video cost me 8 minutes and 49 seconds of my life that I will never get back again.

Plato

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those [liberals] who, in time of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.--Dante Alighieri, (1265-1321)

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dwmte7 says on Jul 13, 2008, 06:29:

i dunno plato...maybe they got a money back guarantee. i tried to watch/figure it out when i was a few sheets to the wind....nothing...still nothing and i'm back on the right side of awake now.

patriarch

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CatGirl says on Jul 13, 2008, 10:47:

Hey guys...sorry I forgot to mention it was obviously a homemade movie - but kind of funny I thought. Again, I stumbled accidently on it and found it quite curious the name is Desi and it is also conected to Canada. There was some man in a Mercedes SUV trying to get my attention (in a big way) - in his late 30's and I never had something like this happen before, espcially someone with a turbon! I was only curious what culture he came from - he is more than likely Indian.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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