Public behavior.

tomtom33 says on Dec 29, 2007, 08:37:

It's easy for me to say, but I think you know the answer already. Time to part. Your typos show your anger.

I don't know how I got so lucky, but my Colombiana worships the ground I walk on. In 4 years she has never even raised her voice to me. And I am much closer to the frog than the prince.

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Lowell says on Dec 29, 2007, 08:58:

have 22 month old baby or would have left before. yep, I've a lot of pent up anger and resentment for them. 2008 will see a big change in my approach to the situation.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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oldbongo says on Dec 29, 2007, 09:17:

senorito, it mite be time for a deep lungful of that fresh 120,000peso air.
when la commandante made the mistake of making some aggressive noises,
oldbongo reminded her of her rights and privileges as queen of the castle, and then,
reminded her who was king. naturally, this may not be so easy for you if you are in
her territory, and have been whipped for 2 years. agreed, colombia could never be a place to assimilate for this oldbongo, except winters in san andres, where all things colombian are scorned.

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vicshere says on Dec 29, 2007, 09:46:

oh gad again....is this a fade or what

listo

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eywed says on Dec 29, 2007, 10:22:

Lowell, I have felt your pain in the past with my ex-wife. For too many years I put up with her s at #% and I hated lift more than you will ever know. She was american by the way. Shortly after I left her I ran into a wonderful women who happened to be from Medellin, Colombia. She did not speak a word of english. 7 years later we are one of the happiest couples you will find. She had a daughter before I met her who lives with us. Yes the step daughter from hell but my wife Backs me up 100% when dealing with her. To date me and my wonderful Colombian wife have yet to even get into a fight. We are lucky, Nooooo I am lucky. I read your story and feel your pain. There is no easy answer for you. Vent if you must and I for one have an ear for ya as I know what your going through.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

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CatGirl says on Dec 29, 2007, 11:04:

.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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lpdiver says on Dec 29, 2007, 11:28:

My personal drama in this type of situation happened as follows. After getting my divorce and waiting 27 months to get my Paisa bride here in the United States my daughter could not get along with her step mother.

I brought them to a bilingual counselor for six months and that acomplished squat.

My wife packed her bags one day while I was at work. Upon my arrival she unpacked them. On a vacation to visit some Colombian friends in Florida she announced that she was not going home with me. The next morning she came along.

After two and a half years it came to a head. I walk into the house to her calling my wife and whore and a slut and informing her that she would burn in hell. She also informed my wife and I that she had been intentionally making little messes around the house because she enjoyed watching my wife clean up after her.

My wife had been complaining for many months about this and I had been cleaning up behind my daughter to try and keep the peace. When I found out it was intentional after all; well, that was the final straw.

I ordered her to her room and she defiantly told me that she didn't have to listen to me. I whipped off my belt and chased her to her room. After I settled down a bit I knocked on her door and informed her that she had thirty minutes to pack. That has been eighteen months and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my life.

That night at ten thirty when the doorbell rang I told the my wife...that would be the police. She couldn't understand. The ex and my daughter had filed an abuse charge against me and the police and my daughter and ex wife were there.

You should have seem my ex's and daughter's face drop when after all the interviewing the officer informed them that I had every right to employ corporal punishment in this case...especially since my daughter seemed to be an ungovernable child. You should have seen the jaws dropping.

My own daughter has not been allowed in my home since. I don't know when; if ever, she will be.

Tough love is hard on the receipient and the administrator.

My wife and I have a very good relationship now.

You have decisions to make. Maybe I could have handled the situation better. I tried and failed. I had an ex poisioning my daughters mind. Now she knows she was wrong; but, the damage is done.

Good luck.

T

"cook some rice!"

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slguy says on Dec 29, 2007, 11:44:

Lowell, I lived for 12 years in a very similar situation. I have two sons I could not bear to live apart from. My ex was very similar to your wife, from your description. Mine was puertoriquena, if you get my drift.

As I see it, you have two choices.

1. Stop the nice guy routine. Make it VERY clear who's the boss, and what you expect. Then back it up, in whatever way she understands. Some women are like mules- nothing short of a 2x4 gets their attention- especially after you tried the pacifist approach for FAR too long initially. Before the feminazis jump me- plenty of men are mule-like, too- but that's not the point of this discussion.

2. What do you have in the way of documentation for your daughter? Does she have a US passport? Get one. I don't think your wife's signature is required- but I could be mistaken. I know, I know - for you to leave on an airplane w/ your daughter requires your wife's ok. But if you can enter the US with a daughter bearing a US passport, there's more than one way to arrive here, ya know? ;)

No good deed goes unpunished, my friend. Doesn't matter much now, who's right or wrong.
I only know this- no one wins, not even your daughter, by your presence in a home that doesn't provide an atmosphere containing at least a little warmth.

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

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CatGirl says on Dec 29, 2007, 12:11:

.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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slguy says on Dec 29, 2007, 12:22:

CatGirl- 'pends on how devious he is, I guess. ;)

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

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john_stark says on Dec 29, 2007, 13:52:

Lowell, dude, you're living in Colombia. What would a Colombiano in your situation do? He would knock the fuck out of all of them. That's all they know so you better start backhanding them at every opportunity. My step kids still talk about some of the beatings that they received from their dead father. In fact about all that they can remember about the guy is what terrible whippings they used to receive. Of course they probably had it coming.

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Lowell says on Dec 29, 2007, 14:00:

Thanks for the responces. I have to make changes this year. I'm the one who set this situation up and have to deal with it accordingly. It's quite possible that the boy will need to live next door with Grandma. In time my daughter will see what's going on. I refuse to fight with my wife infront of her. The bottom line is that I'm the boss of the house and it's going to be my way or the highway. Other methods have failed. I've already started taking a very hard line on some issues.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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Lowell says on Dec 29, 2007, 14:04:

Yes, my daughter has her passport (s), regristration of child born abroad and SSN. It's now been over 16 months of waiting for my daughter to receiver her actual card from the good people at the Embassy. Gee, aren't they great people? Even though I've got a screwed up family, it's the only family that my daughter knows and I wouldn't seperate her from them until she is ready and willg. If ever.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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Lowell says on Dec 29, 2007, 14:08:

Mule? My wife once pissed her mom off so much with her back talk, that when she slapped her she broke her jaw. A hairline fracture that's now causing problems and she needs a 10 million peso operation to correct it. 10 mil that I don't have at this moment. One good thing about the surgery is that her jaw will be wired shut for at least 2 months. 2 months of only having to look at her angry face and mumble. Yee HA!

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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slguy says on Dec 29, 2007, 14:23:

Just one more brief thought for you, amigo.....

"Even though I've got a screwed up family, it's the only family that my daughter knows and I wouldn't seperate her from them until she is ready and willg. If ever."

have you paused to consider that just because they're family doesn't necessarily mean they're the best environment for her to grow up in? When mothers fracture daughter's jaws, I'd have my doubts about how healthy the environment is for your daughter, no matter who sired/bore whom. "Family" only goes so far. Kids learn what they see. Most people aren't born good or bad, tolerant or intolerant, loud or quiet- their environment produces these results.

Only you know for sure- but i'm guessing the "I'm boss" thing has left the barn, unless you get a LOT more emphatic than it sounds like you're willing to do.

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

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CatGirl says on Dec 29, 2007, 14:59:

.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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eywed says on Dec 29, 2007, 16:11:

Lowell, if you make a statement like you did "One good thing about the surgery is that her jaw will be wired shut for at least 2 months. 2 months of only having to look at her angry face and mumble. Yee HA!" do you really want to stay in a relationship with such a person? I did before and I regret it now. I want those years of my life back and I can't have them. Wow if (god forbid) things ever went sour with my current wife I would run so quick.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

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Lowell says on Dec 29, 2007, 16:20:

Thanks CatGirl. The violence is an issue. I hate the saying "Voy a pegar". To often used here. I have a cigatette sized pocket recorder and am making recordings. My ENT Doc is a good associate and his wife, an attorney is the head of the family welfare in my town. I plan on letting them sink themselves. That's one reason I don't take off for a few days. I worry for my daughter. And even for my stepson. It seems like when she's not on my case, she's on his. I've had to step in on several occasions. To me it's real clear that she and her mother have some mental issuses. Yes they do love a crisis. Issues that never came to light the 2 years that we were in Panama. Some out of line unessary arguments. I just chaulked it up to cultural differences.

My dad died when I was 13 and my 3 sisters and my mom had a part in my upbringing. I know a lot about women. However, I'm always open to any and all thoughts and suggestions.

I have lowered myself to name calling. When you've someone giving you a bunch of crap and blocking the door or whatever so I can't pass, daring me to hit her, I've lost control. I don't hit dogs, let alone women. No matter what the reason.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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CatGirl says on Dec 29, 2007, 17:00:

.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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adrimm says on Dec 29, 2007, 20:07:

Wow Lowell.... I hate to say it, but it seems that the family you married into is a bit wild and unstable, and you possibly hadn't realised this....

I can wholeheartedly assure you that it is NOT that way in every family in Colombia.

Maybe some distance would help? What does your wife do? Does she have any options to transfer her work elseehere? Otherwise, it might just be healthier for all of you to just divorce and make sure that the baby is supported.

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peteyw says on Dec 29, 2007, 21:59:

Lowell,

Just read what ty917NYC wrote, then reread it. Man Up. I'd just change one thing she wrote...instead of jacking off in bed next to her when she's 'uncooperative'...just leave and go spend your time with one (or more) of the many lovely, sane, respectful and grateful women that Colombia has to offer.

Remember, you are the 'prize catch' here, not her. This country is full of women who'd walk from one end of this country to the other for a good guy like you.

Don't argue anymore, don't explain anything...just don't need her anymore. Move on. You'll be able to spend time with your daughter whenever you want.

I'll bet that once your wife's family realizes she's losing you, the mother will break her other jaw.

Good Luck.

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john_stark says on Dec 29, 2007, 22:13:

I'd tie her to the bed and do her back door without any lube. That's why they invented duct tape.

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CatGirl says on Dec 29, 2007, 22:40:

John...Naughty, naughty. Maybe you need a good spanking to get all that pent up rage outta you.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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rocinante says on Dec 29, 2007, 22:41:

Yeah like spanking the monkey

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Peso 1400 by November" Feb 5, 2008

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CatGirl says on Dec 29, 2007, 22:52:

.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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goin_south says on Dec 29, 2007, 23:33:

maybe CatGirl is Desi's alter-ego... jejej
She's frazzled, from too much time on the Mod Squad... :-)

..... leavin louisiana in the broad day light

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rocinante says on Dec 29, 2007, 23:43:

Speaking of spanking the monkey....

which reminds me - sonce podborski started this "list of words" in thread http://poorbuthappy.com/colombia/post/dinner-out/

"Join the masturbation club. C'mon, you know you are already a member"

Jackin' the beanstalk
beating off
Rubbin' the root
doing the onehand waltz accross the ballroom
pulling the pud
rubbing the nub
Spankin' the monkey
organ solo
jerkin' the gherkin
Waxing the carrot
pleasing the pope
beating the bishop
Flogging the log
chokin' the chicken
hitch hike under the big top
beatin' your meat
Wankin'
charming the one eyed snake
flipping off
rub one out
shelling the bean pod

and my all time favourite

workin' the worm

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Peso 1400 by November" Feb 5, 2008

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JulianUSA says on Dec 30, 2007, 00:12:

You guys are too naive.

If you want a Colombian wife to obey your orders, just beat the hell out of her the FIRST and only time she will not follow them. If you beat her up the first time she does something you don't like, she will never do it again.

I wonder if that only works with Colombian women? Have you guys tried with anything else?

Julian Garcia

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rocinante says on Dec 30, 2007, 00:15:

Being a man and taking control works with all women. Resorting to hitting a woman means you are not good at taking control and being a man.

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Peso 1400 by November" Feb 5, 2008

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goin_south says on Dec 30, 2007, 00:19:

A song for Lowell

..... leavin louisiana in the broad day light

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Lowell says on Dec 30, 2007, 05:44:

Nope I won't hurt my hand just to hit a fool. Some of her recent frustration may be due to the fact that I've lost all desire to touch her in a loving way. Beauty turned so ugly. And as much as I could use some good sweet attention and talk, I'm not the stepping out kind of guy. Plus way to many snitching eyes in this town.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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lpdiver says on Dec 30, 2007, 08:44:

GIB

I couldn't agree more. I stayed in a hellish relationship for 22 years. Make up your mind, state your case, be consistant. Make yourself happy first; because, you cannot make anyone else in this world happy until you are happy yourself.

t

"cook some rice!"

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gringoloid says on Dec 30, 2007, 08:51:

Utopiacowboy....I'm adding you to the list of people that know what colombia is all about.

i don't know who you are but I love seeing someone not afraid to talk the truth!

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JulianUSA says on Dec 30, 2007, 15:31:

Who is utopiacowboy?

Julian Garcia

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Lowell says on Dec 30, 2007, 15:49:

Actually I created the thread to show that in Colombia, I guess that you not even suposed to make a scene in public with children. I shouldn't have vented my other issue/problem here. Just get so frustrated at times and don't have family back home to vent to. I'm really glad that this time I wasn't taken apart. THANK YOU!

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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tomtom33 says on Dec 30, 2007, 16:09:

"Who is utopiacowboy?" Kind of hard to keep track of his/her/its names. He may be/is John Stark, Oscar Bumfuck, Dip de doo Dah, Kat2, and many other names.

He may have been forced by the mods to choose. He may have chosen John Stark...for now.

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john_stark says on Dec 30, 2007, 16:27:

I was forced at gunpoint to choose. I wanted to keep Oscar Bumfuck but they wouldn't let me.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Dec 31, 2007, 00:25:

Right,.

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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goin_south says on Dec 31, 2007, 00:41:

fun this morning, eh Desi?

..... leavin louisiana in the broad day light

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Dec 31, 2007, 00:45:

It's always fun to start a day with a good clean-up. Rise'n shine. It's snowing, finally!!!

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Dec 31, 2007, 00:46:

BTW. john_stark. Very good of you to come here and brag about being forced at gunpoint.

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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goin_south says on Dec 31, 2007, 00:47:

Water Gun point... I imagined :-)

..... leavin louisiana in the broad day light

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john_stark says on Dec 31, 2007, 08:32:

It was virtual gunpoint.

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Strobers says on Dec 31, 2007, 08:56:

I can't imagine living in such a disfunctional family. Living in that type of environment will eventually ruin your physical, emotional and physical health. Unfortunately, once you have crossed the line from the standpoint of losing respect for each other, there is no turning back. You can never regain what you started with. Once Humpty-Dumpty falls off the wall, no amount of glue or adhesive will ever put him back together again - right.

That's why it is so important that before you marry or make a committment to somebody you take the time to really get to know them and discuss beforehand how as a couple you will deal with issues that invariably come up in a relationship.

I've been married five years and in all that time I have never had a serious issue with my wife. We've had maybe half a dozen arguements that lasted maybe 15 minutes. We don't raise our voices to each other, we respect the others position in the home, and we both think how our actions will affect the other person before we do or say anything. It's understood that allthough we are an equal partnership, our roles are different. In the event that we have discussed a subject at length and we still are at odds on how to proceed, I make the final decision.

We live in perfect harmony. Although I have other issues I deal with daily, I'm secure knowing that my home life as as perfect as it can be.

I'm sorry Lowell that you have spent such a hunk of your life unhappy. I can't think of anything sadder than coming home from work and entering such a toxic environment. Home is supposed to be a place of refuge, not a living hell. I hope that you do what is necessary to promote a happy, peaceful life for yourself. Life is way to short to subject yourself to this level of dispair. Good luck to you.

"Life is too serious to be taken seriously"

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aztec says on Dec 31, 2007, 09:20:

This mess just goes on and on. He's captured in a dysfunctional environment. It will NEVER get any better!

To make matters worse his reactions appear to be co-dependent behavior. Co-dependent behavior is adopted as a means of "survival" within a dysfunctional family system.

"Co-dependency means that I'm a caretaker."

"It means I'm always looking for someone to glob onto."

"Co-dependency is knowing all your relationships will either go on and on the same way (painfully), or end the same way (disastrously). Or both."

There is no hope of ever getting adequate professional help in Colombia for this family crisis. Therefore, he will either learn to live with it and stop complaining or leave.

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Morrongo says on Dec 31, 2007, 09:23:

Mate Lowell judging by your early posts and this one all respect has been lost by your mrs and now by you..whats the point living like that? all people are different yeah?
If i was in your situation,I would get my arse out of there,find a house to rent close to your daughter,cut her allowance down to the min and see how it goes from there.
Life too short mate to f about....
Make sure you have a happy new year and hope it all works out for you..........

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scotty says on Dec 31, 2007, 12:24:

Lowell they are taking advantage of you. Its only going to get worse. You need to design a plan of action and get things under control or get out of there.

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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aztec says on Jan 2, 2008, 15:18:

As GIB indicated the lower estrata is a mine field. How do you expect them to change. That is the way they have been raised!

You gringos should not complain if you marry one of them.

Now as in many cases there are many exceptions to the general rule! But, you are asking for trouble if you seek the easier route.

Try to find a Colombian woman with class! They are generally not found in the local bar every night.

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msaucey says on Jan 3, 2008, 16:40:

Lowell, I feel awful for the situation you are in...

Sadly enough, I'm sure your wife has thrived off the environment and chaos she creates... She's happy when there's chaos...

When I started dating my partner, her previous relationships were crap!... There was name calling and physical abuse... After one argument she tried to start name calling, I simply walked away and came back the next day and set the law down....

Name calling is not allowed, it is a form of disrespectful for someone you love and for yourself... Physical abuse is the same in my eyes...
One time shame on you, 2nd time shame on me...

There has never been a 2nd time after our conversation and the realization that you can have a relationship without the emotional and physical abuse is a new concept with people that have always been around it and don't know anything different....

If you still love her and for the sake of your daughter's healthy emotional upbringing, I'd say try and seek some type of "Anger Management" counseling for her... It's a good alternative, but I'm not sure how easily accessible it will be, if not I'd say have her read some books... She must know she has a problem and just needs a hand in resolving them...

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

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eywed says on Jan 4, 2008, 16:22:

How sad to think women from lower estrata don't have class. After all People move up and down in their estrata sistution. I have met rich women with no class and I have met poor women with alot of class. Folks need to stop looking at the persons estrata and more at the person themselves.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

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msaucey says on Jan 4, 2008, 16:23:

That would be a nice and sensible thing eywed, but unfortunately Colombians live by their Estrada status....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

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eywed says on Jan 4, 2008, 17:55:

Not all of them !

Ay Hombe!!!!!

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msaucey says on Jan 4, 2008, 21:55:

Okay, that is true.... Just a good majority of them.... Normally those in the higher estradas....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

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eywed says on Jan 4, 2008, 22:12:

If your a nasty person your nasty rich or poor.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

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