Now I know why I'm having problems with stepson

Lowell says on Jul 17, 2008, 14:10:

Thank you.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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lpdiver says on Jul 17, 2008, 14:12:

The bulk of education occurs at home.

ts

"cook some rice!"

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mrgizmo says on Jul 17, 2008, 14:22:

AND ALSO IN KINDERGARDEN:
Share everything
Play fair
Don't hit people
Put things back where you found them
Clean up your mess
Don't take things that aren't yours
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody
Wash your hands before you eat
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you
Live a balanced life; learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance
and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together
Be aware of wonder
Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup ;
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why,
but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup
They all die
So do we

Behind every successful man, there's a nagging woman

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Lowell says on Jul 17, 2008, 14:25:

Wishfull thinking.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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lpdiver says on Jul 17, 2008, 14:26:

Yes...but goldfish often live for sixty years or more if given the proper enviroment. Parrots can live to ninety. SHeesh my pets may outlive me.

ts

"cook some rice!"

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mrgizmo says on Jul 17, 2008, 14:36:

I believe you guys missed the point. I guess you guys skipped kindergarden, LOL

Behind every successful man, there's a nagging woman

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sloopskipper says on Jul 17, 2008, 15:22:

And, "don't run with scissors".

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gamm2 says on Jul 17, 2008, 15:32:

I like that Mr Gizmo - is it on a poster or something

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dwmte7 says on Jul 17, 2008, 15:36:

lowell...who's the boywith the problem.....problems are manmade and are mansolved.

dwmte

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mrgizmo says on Jul 17, 2008, 15:45:

gamm2, those rules have been around for quite a few years, I don't know who originated them but here's a link:
http://www.skundberg.no/oystein/tekster/fulghum.htm

Behind every successful man, there's a nagging woman

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gringoloid says on Jul 17, 2008, 16:31:

also, don't fry bacon when you're naked.

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Lowell says on Jul 17, 2008, 16:32:

son of wife and making slow progress.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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papiChulo says on Jul 17, 2008, 18:28:

gringoloid... wish I knew that before... :(

you'll never go before your time

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El Vato Loco says on Jul 17, 2008, 21:43:

There's a book (out of print now) called "Surely You Must Be Joking, Mr. Feynman! Adventures of a Curious Character", Bantam Books, 1985 that has a part that really addresses this issue of education... but at the higher levels! So you can figure how it would be in elementary school and basic educations. Here's an excerpt of this book and it is leveled at Brazil back then, but I am sure it applies to other countries as well. I'm going to enter a few passages from pages 196 - 198. It's really shocking when you think about it and this falls in line with what Lowell wrote from the other source.

"I have discovered something else," I continued. "By flipping the pages at random, and putting my finger in and reading the sentences on that page, I can show you wht's the matter - how it's not science, but memorizing, in EVERY circumstance. Therefore I am brave enough to flip through the pages now, in front of this audience, to put my finger in, to read, and to show you."
"..."
"Finally, I said that I couldn't see how anyone could be educated by this self-propagating system in which people pass exams, and teach others to pass exams, but nobody knows anything. "However," I said, "I must be wrong. there were two students in my class who did very well, and one of the physicists I know was educated entirely in Brazil. Thus it must be possible for some people to work their way through the system, bad as it is."

Well, after I gave the talk, the head of the science education department got up and said, "Mr. Feynman has told us some things that are very hard for us to hear, but it appears to be that he really loves science, and is sincere in his criticism. Therefore, I think we should listen to him. I came here knowing we have some sickness in our system of education; what I have learned is that we have a CANCER!" - and he sat down.
"..."
Then something happened which was totally unexpected for me. One of the students got upand said, "I'm one of the two students whom Mr. Feynman referred to at the end of his talk. I was not educated in Brazil; I was educated in Germany, and I've just come to Brazil this year." The other student who had done well in class had a similar thing to say. And the professor I had mentioned got up and said, "I was educated here in Brazil during the war, when, fortunately, all of the professors had left the university, so I learned everything by reading alone. Therefore I was not really educated under the Brazilian system."
----------

Feynman also writes about how to pick up U.S. women... but from what I have been reading it seems more universal.

"OK," he says. "The whole principle is this: The guy wants to be a gentleman. He doesn't want to be thought of as impolite, crude, or especially a cheapskate. As long as the girl knows the guy's motives so well, it's easy to steer him in the direction she wants him to go."

"Therefore," he continued, "under NO CIRCUMSTANCES be a gentleman! You must DISRESPECT the girls. Furthermore, the very first rule is, don't buy the girl ANYTHING - not even a package of cigarrettes - until you've ASKED her if she'll sleep with you, and you're convinced that she WILL, and that she's not lying."

"Uh... you mean... you don't... uh... you just ASK them?"
-------------------
This part you can find on pages 165 - 173... and there's a lot more to it than this... but it sure looks a lot like what people are holding "seminars" for American Men to take to pick up the modern American woman... Crazy ... and Feynman was born in 1918 - and died 1988

OK... this

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el flaco says on Jul 18, 2008, 03:47:

I looked him up on the internet, interesting stuff

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surely_You're_Joking,_Mr._Feynman!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Feynman

However, he didn't write about picking up women but picking up bar girls - surely something different, or maybe not.

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dwmte7 says on Jul 18, 2008, 03:50:

how old is the lad? is he estranged from his father? often new father figures are alienating to children and bring about anger and hostility.

the greatest remedy is love....a good hug with due frequency, interest in his life outside of his eating, clothes and home and time with him apart from the rest of the family. love always works. it ain't between your legs to be his blood father...don't try...always show respect for his father, no matter what type of chap he is...good or bad...remember, the boy only gets one father and one mother...no exceptions. you can be a wonderful, loving, important male in this boys life...which he clearly, sorely needs. just keep respect for his blood roots and i'm sure all will turn out great. lots of luck to you and your family. douglas

dwmte

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Lowell says on Jul 18, 2008, 07:10:

12 yrs old, father not around, date rape drug used on mother, son knows father doen't care for him, gave son my name, much attention, no spanking (by me), seen counselors, psyc..... Pulled him out of public school last year and now in much better school.

Much of the problem stems from lousy parental care before I entered his life at 7 yrs old. This family has some serious mental, respect and physical issues. Example. Yesterday, in the other house my sister in law got mad at her daughter and began hitting her very hard, Instead of stopping her, my mother in law began hitting my sister in law. Son has seen and heard my wife be very disrespectful, argumentative, obstinate, offenseive.....to me. Son has little to no respect for mother. Many stories such as this. I soooo hate the phrase "Voy a pegar". I can get the boys attention real good by just getting in his face.

At times, even today, her words to him were/are out of line. Bordering on cruel. It hurts him. I see the sadness on his face. It's like a dog that after being beaten for no reason.

I'm trying to shelter my daughter from as much of this crud as I can. However, when my wife is an total intentional jerk with me infront of her, it's hard to not respond. Sad but true, is that my daughter of 2 1/2 yrs,is already showing signs of knowing the actions of my wife are not right. Thank God that she didn't see yesterdays violence.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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lpdiver says on Jul 18, 2008, 08:33:

As I implied earlier in this thread, the public schooling system has little to do with this problem.

I would find and insist on counseling for all my household family members if I were in your shoes.

good luck,


ts

"cook some rice!"

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Lowell says on Jul 18, 2008, 10:11:

The system is part of the problem. When my son is presented with a situation that requires trying to figure out a solution to a presented problem he's lost. simple solutions such as why isn't the door opening? He'll force the key until it breaks, not observing that a little presure on the door would do it. This same person and my sister in law thought that the stars in the sky were artifical. Education?

Counseling for the whole family? I receive a small monthy pension and can't make my current needs. Also the don't beleive that they need counseling.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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sloopskipper says on Jul 18, 2008, 12:00:

My younger adopted son exhibited behavior, not so different, at the same age.

He was diagnosed ADHD, and medication helped. But after a while he felt that was some sort of a stigma, and refused to take it, and the symtoms reappeared.

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dwmte7 says on Jul 19, 2008, 05:57:

where are you living lowell? it sounds that your about 90% submerged in a world of hurt.

almost like you're on your own and at odds with all the other adults who by your discription, have no control over themselves and are wholly, problematic, and fuel to the problem.

deep meditation on this matter is needed--your part--to act upon the solution and i think you know what that is. when the fire starts to burn, back off.

dwmte

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Lowell says on Jul 19, 2008, 14:18:

Live in Cartago and didn't meet my wife on the internet. I met her on my second trip to Colombia.

For my sanity, I've made sure that I enjoy my little girl, stepson and step daughter as much as possible. Actually many hours a day. My daughter is here with me now along with my stepson. I'm now making some noticable progress with him.

The adult situation is horrible. They are way out of line. The one tio that was, but now isn't helping me deal with them said to me the other day. "I sorry for my family". Seldom a day goes by without problems.

The children are now my goal. The adults are well knowing in their actions and continue to do so. I've written them off. So I'm left with the chalenge of guiding my daughter, stepson and daughter in law. It's clear in their actions that they realize that I'm showing them a different way of life. It's me that they come to when things get bad. I'm steadfast in my support for them. I'm also strict with them and odly it looks as if they like it. As I said before I don't spank, swat or contact them physically whatsoever when they need correction.

I'm lucky to be a stay at home dad. I hope that all this doen't kill me. Some of the stress signs have showed up and I need to be careful. I'm 55 so other problems have begun to bother me. I have a great moto that helps with stress relief. However, it agrivates some of my conditions and I'm real fearful of having an accident that could affect the way I care for my kids. Every day I edge closer to selling it.

My kids are my troupers. They're learning to resist unwaranted actions and or treatment done to them. They know that they can come to me for protection. They also are slowly standing up for me. It' has to be hard for them as it's their family that they are up against. I know that my daugher is going to real hard on my wife when she's out of line with me and other things. She knows when the picking starts and will make sure that she near me or by my side.

I really don't want to end my years with the woman that I'm with now. At this point I don't really care to start someting up again with another woman. However, I really like some peace at a later time. Seperation at this time isn't right.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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dwmte7 says on Jul 19, 2008, 18:36:

i like and admire that kind of stick toidness...it's honorable. the 'pay' sucks, but the reward is the love of the children.

are ya'll living in a somewhat communal setting with extended family under the same roof?

that can be trying to the nth. your dedication shines through cyber space and as you said, with each passing day, your reinforcements--the children==grow stronger in their trust in and dependence on you. all that adds up to growing love.

i never was physical with my children...i guess i got it from my dad. he never laid a hand on me in my life. so i was serious, almost to a fault, still am, a pretty heavy disciplinarian, but the proofs in the puddin, and the children, both young and old, are all great. when you figure that the 8 of them are from 7 different mothers and you see their closeness, it's like beads on one string. being a dad and not going nuts is the best job there is.

dwmte

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Lowell says on Jul 20, 2008, 08:23:

other family lives next door. would move but won't leave daughter in law to deal with them alone. have created some good play areas in my house. kids know that they can visit me anytime I'm in my office/computer room. I like my work and get paid by them in their love for me.

today, at the breakfast table, son asked me why when I tell my daughter to do or not do something for the most part, she listens and when her mom does the same, she often ignores her. I told him that it's all in how you approach life, people and it's problems. You get much more with kind approach that with a harsh apprach. My wife had no comment.

One biggie that I remember when I was a kid, was broken promises made to me. It hurt. I keep ALL promises. If something comes up to change the situation, it is well explained and a new promise is made.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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dwmte7 says on Jul 20, 2008, 12:06:

aint nothin in life like a good daddy.......

dwmte

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