Bathrooms etiquitte

Mononoke28 says on Sep 22, 2008, 09:54:

It's probably a guy thing but I've never even seen that here in the States. That's just gross.

Diana

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 22, 2008, 10:03:

Like I've said before, it seems that Colombianas are stealth bombers. They don't like bombing the bass if there is anyone within a twenty mile radius. I'm still wondering when my wife drops the kids off at the pool.

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rocinante says on Sep 22, 2008, 10:17:

CG you cannot be serious (about the wife that is)

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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esanch36 says on Sep 22, 2008, 10:52:

It might be because colombian plumbing is shitty?? Or it could be because alot of people includeing myself dont like to take a dump in unfamiliars settings. I dont blame her for not taking a dump during a party....This is a question we need Elmo for

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 22, 2008, 10:57:

Ha Ha. Roci, I'm not kidding. She's like a freaking ninja. I can understand it during the week while I'm at work, but on the weekends...????

I'm with Esanch. It has to be a dire situation for me to carpet bomb in strange bathrooms. I have to be on the verge of crapping myself to even consider a public bathroom.

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rocinante says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:06:

CG is saying he has yet to be privy to as to when his wife is pinching a loaf.

esanch I am in agreement and nothing beats the home throne. I am lucky enough to be a regular first thing in the morning kinda guy and never have to worry about playing an away game.

In Colombia farts and doodies are a bit taboo and not really the base of any humor like it is in North America. Hardly a topic for discussion even with the spouse early on.

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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esanch36 says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:12:

i must applaud your wife for her stealthy shitting. Up until recently i was unaware of the fact that women Shit. When i found out i was repulsed and have just now come to grips with it. I still beleive women should try as hard as possible to hide that hidious fact

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:15:

Boys, I think we are going to break some kind of record for the number of euphemisms for taking a dump in a single thread.

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lpdiver says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:18:

rocinante...lets not even talk about blowing the old butt trumpet. It is never acceptable to do that. Not even in the privacy of ones own bano when no one will be in the house for hours is that acceptable...lol

ts

"cook some rice!"

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dwmte7 says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:19:

i remember a comment like that about 20 years ago when visiting some friends....i said i had to take a dump (#2), and my wife said..."not here, wait til we get home." huh? it's kinda like bung fodder in the waste can....it's a colombian thing.

for all i know there may well have been a notice in spanish on the wall that i wouldn't have read as i couldn't read spanish....."no dumping allowed" i have seen the signs "no paper in the toilet, place in caneca" so why not the other?

dwmte

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dwmte7 says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:21:

CG.. pool side sign: "we don't swim in your toilet...don't pee in our pool"

dwmte

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:28:

My mom actually took me aside after I got married and lectured me about not fumigating around my Colombian wife. She said, "Remember. This is not an American woman. You cannot pass gas around her. Go into another room if you can't hold it. I never farted in front of your father until we had married many years." I couldn't help laughing my ass off.

I remember growing up that my dad never seemed to have a problem lifting the old leg regardless of whether my mom was in the room or not. For those that don't know, both my parents are Colombian.

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MaFe says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:33:

Women poop? No sorry don't do that stuff in public.....Either does my mother, sister, or aunts. I also walk around with wipes.


My aunt was in Puerto Rico many years ago with her husband and he had to poop. He went to his cousins bathroom, clogged it up...to this day they still bring up that story because he didn't know what to do.

"All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. "-Aristotle

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lpdiver says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:33:

CG...I tried for a month or two then gave up and exposed her to the old Dutch Oven treatment. After a few D.O. sessions discreetly making a vent with your foot became acceptable.

ts

"cook some rice!"

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esanch36 says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:43:

Horrible colombian shitting story:
When i first got to colombia after not having beent there since i was 12. I stayed for a couple of months with my family in Neiva. Like most shamefull shitters i tried discretly as posible to do my sinful business without alerting my family to my bowl movements. A couple weeks go by and i start to notice that the toilets dont always flush right away and that a couple times i had to use a plunger...no biggie i thought. We'll one night my cousin, who is a big dude must have given berth to a baby anaconda came out of the bathroom screaming that the toilet was flood,,,shit covered the bathroom floor and into the living room. After the guy down the street who i guess acts as the local neighbordhood plumber fixed things it was discoverd that the silly gringo cousin had been flushing down toilet pape....2 weeks worth to be correct. After that Incident i was firmly told to never to put paper down the toilet and dispose of it in the garabage, which i think is nasty, but not as nasty as clogging

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:50:

Ha Ha. I had a similar problem in Neiva. I was at my then girlfriend's house and had to take a wombat. This was particularly bad since their bathroom is right off the living room and the door doesn't go floor to ceiling. The entire family was there for the show.

I promptly clogged up the works and had to call for help. My girl came to the rescue with a bucket full of water that I had to pour into the toilet to flush down my mess. It took two more bucketfuls before I got it all down. My brothers-in-law got a good laugh out of that one.

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yummyj says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:59:

It's hard to believe the foreign males' unyielding ignorance for other cultures.

As a male, I do not like (and avoid it as much as possible) taking a dump at a host's house.

And if I had guests, and went into my bathroom to be slapped in the face by someone; odour, I would ask myself which animal couldn;t hold it long enough to desicrate his own john.

And people wonder why gringos are considered crass and rude...this thread is yet more proof of that. No, you don't consider it crass...that is the point.

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esanch36 says on Sep 22, 2008, 12:00:

, i think maybe its my diet in colombia all that fresh food and fiber ...First couple days in Colombia i get constipated my body adjusting to the food, but after a bout of hot butt lava, i start producing huge snake like creatures that can be as long as 12-14 inches long. Feels like im giving birth

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 22, 2008, 12:06:

Actually yummy. Both Esanch and I are Colombian. Even Colombians occasionally have to shit in other people's bathrooms. I suppose we can't all be as cultured and enlightened as you. I'm sure our gringo brother's sometimes have to commit such an abomination. Do you have some secret "Russian" method for clogging up one's intestines?

Nice attempt at a troll though.

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esanch36 says on Sep 22, 2008, 13:08:

Cg im honored,,but unfortunatly im only a half breed colombian born in the USA (mother is gringo)...but maybe thats where i get my shamefullnes about shitting, from my colombian half.

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MitchAlvarez says on Sep 22, 2008, 13:59:

aqui como que hay mucha gente que le gusta este temita. que gente mas cagona ome?

regla numero uno haga sus necesidades antes de salir de su casa.

dejen la maricada ya ome

"Ingrid callate la jeta!! Stay in France"

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Cerealkiller says on Sep 22, 2008, 14:09:

thats all true. I would rather shit my pants than go anywhere outside my comfort zone (read my own bano). Fortunately I am sooooo indoctrinated into the art of stealthpoo that i don't even feel like going unless Im at home. The funniest bit is that my dog does the same thing, that poor creature...

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

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CascadeBob says on Sep 22, 2008, 14:14:

At a party my friend snuck unseen into the ONLY bathroom in the house. Once safely ensconsed on the throne, a line a sweeties he had been hitting on formed outside the door. But, by then he had laid such an impressive line of cable that he had clogged up the camode and stunk the place up so bad that he had to escape undetected. So, he crawled outside through the 2 foot X 2 foot window in the wall, bruising himself up severely, then came back in the house through the front door, lined up with the ladies and started asking. "what's the problem up there?"

The host unlocked the door to find the horror within, but could find no one to blame. My friend later reported success with one of the ladies that was the most vocal about the dastardly deed that had been done in the toilet that same evening.

Sometimes you gotta think fast on your feet.

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rocinante says on Sep 22, 2008, 14:18:

He's like Austin Powers.

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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IloveCidy says on Sep 22, 2008, 17:00:

I always take a dump in other's people's houses in the US. As a matter of fact, my favorite thing to do in an upper decker. I take a dump in the water tank above the toilet. I usually leave right after, jajajajaj

I miss my novia!

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bufalo says on Sep 22, 2008, 18:10:

Probably has to do with the fact that Colombians never lock doors, and usually don't close them all the way either. That is when there are doors, which a lot of times there aren't. So popping a squat for a longer-than-necesary period may be embarrassing.

I don't know how many (and most fo them are older women) that I walked in on in the bathroom AFTER knocking. And they still look at me like it's my fault!!!

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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OneHappyBoy says on Sep 22, 2008, 21:42:

ok..that explains alot.....My wife, when we first stayed any amount of time with each other, was shacked up in my little shitty 800 sqft apartment in Seattle with me for 3 weeks..Being a wonderful host, rather than drive 30 miles into work each day, and leaving her home alone, I elected to work out of the house for that time..

Me, each morning, like clock work, I would arise and esconce my butt on the porcelin throne, read the paper, contemplate life, and relish in the fact that i had a very sweet, sexy, and mucha hott Colombiana laying in a bed, not more than 20 ft away, but ass naked, and mine for the taking,

When I was through, being rather tight quarters, I would spray a bit of sandalwood air freshener, and be on my merry way..About 6 days later, She quietly, and a bit sheepishly, announced her inability to take a dump and was feeling miserable...We had a heart to heart about the biologic reality that what goes in must come out. She countered that in Colombia it was more than inappropriate to shit in mixed company...Shortly after, we drove down to the drug store and bought a few essentials to grease the pipes, so to speak, for her....

There we were, in this little shit ass apartment. Me, working at my desk, and her letting a bottle of magnesium citrate marinate her colon...When she ran for the bathroom, I thought she wouldn't come out for a week... After some time, all I could hear was the spraying of sandalwood air freshener and then the shower for the next half hour...When she came out, it took all I had to keep a straight face, and she acted like nothing happened what so ever...To ths day, she prefers for me to think that nothing so vile as crap comes out of her butt.

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christobeldawg says on Sep 23, 2008, 00:55:

well this entire post is funny, but that, OHB, pretty much sums it up. The galz in Colombia, even more than the ones in the US, don't want us to think they crap.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 23, 2008, 02:35:

it's not ladylike that why we don't have toilets but powder rooms jejejjeje

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houstongal says on Sep 23, 2008, 06:37:

This entire post is pretty amusing.

And here I thought the Japanese had issues with going to the bathroom, thus they create fancy toilets that play running water noises and the liquid drops to neutralize bathroom odors (my mother thinks this is a fabulous invention).

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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juli says on Sep 23, 2008, 07:40:

"and relish in the fact that i had a very sweet, sexy, and mucha hott Colombiana laying in a bed, not more than 20 ft away, but ass naked, and mine for the taking,"

Yours for the taking? Sounds like you are talking about a can of Bud in the fridge or a plate of chicken wings.

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Robert Jorge says on Sep 23, 2008, 09:07:

I was thinking the same thing juli.

He who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

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Pappassito says on Sep 23, 2008, 09:13:

ENOUGH of ths anal banal.

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Mononoke28 says on Sep 23, 2008, 09:40:

esanch36 says on Sep 22, 2008, 11:43
After that Incident i was firmly told to never to put paper down the toilet and dispose of it in the garabage, which i think is nasty, but not as nasty as clogging
--------------------------------------------
I also think it's nasty to see a bucket full of crapped toilet paper in the bathroom. It makes me gag every time I'm in there so I always make a big deal about emptying it out. I just can't brush my teeth while I see that bucket next to me. =X !!!!!!!!

Diana

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dwmte7 says on Sep 23, 2008, 14:09:

diana....i, over all these years, wondered why folks don't just shit in the caneca.

dwmte

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rocinante says on Sep 23, 2008, 14:23:

"I also think it's nasty to see a bucket full of crapped toilet paper in the bathroom. It makes me gag every time I'm in there so I always make a big deal about emptying it out. I just can't brush my teeth while I see that bucket next to me" Diana

I can't stand to even be trapped in the bathroom with my own doings. I'm doing courtesy flushes mid loaf and I'm the only one in my entire apartment.

I don't own a plunger and the plumbing is decent. Whew!

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 23, 2008, 14:48:

"I don't own a plunger "

You're playing with fire Roci. Even the best plumbing can betray you.

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rocinante says on Sep 23, 2008, 14:59:

Yeah bad plumbing and lots of fiber.

There's ferretería accross the street. I should go.

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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gringo george says on Sep 23, 2008, 15:04:

this is possible some of the best poop stories around - swear this came fro some fraternity - good stuff

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babygirl says on Sep 23, 2008, 22:19:

I can't believe I just read this entire post.

Canadian Girls Kick Ass!

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rocinante says on Sep 23, 2008, 22:25:

I can't believe I read the whole thing a second time from top to bottom. I gotta print this out so I can read it tomorrow during my early morning constitutional.

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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christobeldawg says on Sep 23, 2008, 22:31:

I have always been a big believer in thinking that separate bathrooms are a a possible key to a great marriage.
maybe our forefathers and mothers were actually onto something when they used outhouses. maybe indoor plumbing is not such a great thing after all.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

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travelingirl says on Sep 23, 2008, 22:33:

What a funny post to read, even though I don't poo. ;-)

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christobeldawg says on Sep 23, 2008, 23:00:

but you do actually eat food, right? Do you weigh as much as a UT offensive lineman?

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

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travelingirl says on Sep 23, 2008, 23:05:

No, I guess the food just odorlessly vaporizes out of my pores or something. That's always been my explanation.

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christobeldawg says on Sep 23, 2008, 23:14:

good then, when we marry we will only need one bathroom, and only one fart fan.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

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travelingirl says on Sep 23, 2008, 23:27:

LOL

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papiChulo says on Sep 24, 2008, 01:12:

there is nothing more underated than a good shit... you know the teflon turds when you are just wasting good toilet paper wiping.

some of the rudest people I know don't smoke

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morphus says on Sep 24, 2008, 01:33:

Yup..dry toilet paper

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morphus says on Sep 24, 2008, 01:33:

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dwmte7 says on Sep 24, 2008, 03:15:

"little man, so spic and span....where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

pay toilets graffiti....."25 cents to take a shit, huh? how much to leave one?"

"folks who write on shit house walls, roll their shit in little balls.
those who read those lines of wit, eat them little balls of shit"

"the king is coming......WHAT? i didn't even hear him breathin hard."

JESUS SAVES s and h green stamps, old coins....

REPENT NOW avoid the rush on dooms day....


all this and infinitely more can be found on shit house walls.

christo......you mention outhouses, my grand parents were prarie farmers and had no running water and an outhouse out back in the chicken pen. it's no joke, using a monkey wards catalog for bung fodder ...newspapers were rare. but the smell...it would cling to your nose for hours.

graffiti in an outhouse...."remember to flush"

dwmte

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feldz0084 says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:03:

cidy hahahahah man the upper decker hahah that is just wrong!!! ive heard horror stories about the old ud'er. someone reminds me of the episode of jackass where they walk into the showroom for all the toilets and the guy plops down and starts taking a crap while reading the paper and all the store employees are so in shock they dont even know what to do hah

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CanadaMan says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:17:

My Novia thinks I am joking when I tell her I like to read well sitting on the throne at home.. I know some people that have a TV in the bathroom.. Now that is funny..



..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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houstongal says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:24:

A friend who worked at Barnes & Noble told me that they often would find books, magazines, etc. from the store in the bathroom. I can't believe some people bring material that they didn't pay for in the bathroom to read. Geez!

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:29:

Ha Ha. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where George tried to return a book at Brentanos and had it "flagged" for bathroom use?

What is even nastier is the fact that our bathrooms at work have magazine racks next to the porcelain tubas. You see everything from audio/video production magazines to Maxim. GROSS!!! I won't even cop a squat in there unless I am about to lose it. Luckily, I live about a mile away from work so I can sneak out for a "shit break" when absolutely necessary.

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dwmte7 says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:34:

when i was in boot camp at fort ord, calif back in the ice age of my life, one of the mean drill sargents recounted a story about some troop who got stuck on latrine detail. first of all, picture a bath room with twenty urinals and as many pooper stalls. so when the batallin commander, a major, came through for the inspection, the troop was standing at attention, mop in hand at the far end of the toilets. the major looked in one of the stalls, and there, floating in the john was a huge turd. angry and shocked, the major, yelled out, "TROOP! what's this" immediately the young soldier ran up to the stall, looked in and there it was, this giant turd. he looked up, surprised at the major, turned around, reached in the water,picked up the turd, took a bite,then looked up at the major and said, "why that's shit, sir" and returned upright, standing at attention. (apparently, he had fashioned the turd outta peanut butter...according to the drill sargent, he was given a psycho discharge)

the sargent told us not to try that one on him.

dwmte

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:38:

Was it this guy?

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Mononoke28 says on Sep 24, 2008, 10:21:

Oh man, you guys really made me laugh with these:

rocinante says on Sep 23, 2008, 14:23
I can't stand to even be trapped in the bathroom with my own doings. I'm doing courtesy flushes mid loaf and I'm the only one in my entire apartment.

ColombianoGringo says on Sep 24, 2008, 09:29 (today)
Luckily, I live about a mile away from work so I can sneak out for a "shit break" when absolutely necessary.
---------------------------------------
I once dated a guy who was a marine and during boot camp he told me they stayed out all night and whoever took a crap in the middle of nowhere had to wrap it up and carry it with him until they get back to camp. This is so the enemy can't follow your tracks.

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!

Diana

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houstongal says on Sep 24, 2008, 10:25:

CG - I completely forgot about that Seinfeld episode!

Diana - I think campers in some parks have to do the same thing ... so the wild animals leave them alone.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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Mononoke28 says on Sep 24, 2008, 10:28:

AUGHHHHHHHHHH!

A friend of mine who camps in the San Juan montains here in Colorado every summer told me he just leaves it in the wild, he says it's nature anyway. But he burns his shitty toilet paper.

Ok... I'm gonna barf now. =X

Diana

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CascadeBob says on Sep 24, 2008, 11:19:

While white water rafting down the Tatshenshini River in the Yukon we shat into army surplus ammunition cases fitted with a toilet seat. Used toilet paper was burned in a coffee can provided for that purpose. Everyone was trained not to pee, but to shit only when using the ammunition cases (pee in the woods somewhere).

Now that's a skill that's hard to acquire. Try it sometime.

Low man on the guide totem pole was in charge of managing the ammunition cases including washing them out at the end of our ten-day trip (with fourteen people shitting into them along the way).

God help you if you were in the cargo raft when it overturned in a rapid.

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Saltador says on Sep 24, 2008, 11:50:

When I stayed with mi familia en la casa de mi suegra, there was 6 people sharing very small quarters. I mean small. The restroom was tiny with a flimsy door. Well, I'm trying not to offend any of my new family members by dropping bombs, so I'm doing things like waiting until we go to the mall, restaurants, getting up at 3AM and doing it, etc. My novia figured this out and I admitted to her I didn't want to offend her family. She tells her Mom of course, and I get a lecture from the Mom about normal bodily functions, we all do it, etc. Que pena!
I have no problem folding up the used toilet paper and putting it in the trash, heaven forbid I clog up the toilet and everyone has to come in and admire the gringos handiwork.
I'm also lucky like Colombianogringo, I live less than a mile from the office, and on the rare occasion when the need arises at work, I calmy get up from my desk, get in the work truck and use the bano in home sweet home... and if you saw our work restroom, you wouldn't blame me!

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 24, 2008, 11:56:

Ha Ha Saltador.

In Spanish, there is a saying that goes "Le salió el tiro por la culata". The literal meaning is that a gun backfired and the bullet came out the back, but it is used to state that someone's plan backfired. I think it certainly applies in your story.

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dwmte7 says on Sep 24, 2008, 12:16:

LORD...i almost forgot.

i was working in iran in the early '70's and was down in the tehran bazaar and needed the old dumperoo. i asked a carpet merchant friend of mine where the toilets were. he told me to change my shoes and put on some 'jap flaps' (thongs) before going there. he had some and i did as he suggested. then he pointed out the 'dungeon' way back in the repair section at the back of the bazaar. remember, this place was probably built about a thousand years ago and only the outter shell has changed. the innerds are unchanged.


well as i get close to the "DZ" (drop zone) the smell is everywhere and the worst. it was all i could do to not vomit.

finally i'm in the crappin stall and it was apparent why they didn't wear their shoes there. my GOD the floor was paved with old wet and dry shit. YICH!!

now this is not the sit down and relax type of dumpster....no, no, no. it's the squat down on the two cement blocks and hope your creation misses your drawers.

well, my work done, i looked for some paper.....right, none. i fortunately had a napkin in--of course--my back pocket. i managed to get it out, do a 'once over, provisional wipe' and get my pants back on.

the shit-pit was an inverted pyramid shape about 20" deep and had a hole about 2" in diameter at the bottom. as you might guess, my oversized brown sculpture clung to the side of the pyramid and failed to drop to the hole in the bottom. well i didn't want to leave it like that for fear someone might know it was mine (???) so, looking around, i saw this ancient stick propped up against the wall in back and had to push that mucky mire down the wall and repeatedly fuck with it to get it down the hole. (it should go without saying, nobody ever stole that stick...musta been there several hundred years.)

worst crap experience of my life.

dwmte

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ujay says on Sep 24, 2008, 13:17:

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

http://www.jukelightning.com

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ujay says on Sep 24, 2008, 13:24:

The Shit List

1. GHOST SHIT. You know you've shitted.
There's shit on the toilet paper, but none
in the toilet.

2. TEFLON-COATED SHIT. Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you
don't even feel it. No trace of shit on the
paper. You have to look in the toilet to make
sure you did something.

3. GOOEY-SHIT. This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe
your arse 12 times and it's still not clean.
You end up putting toilet paper in your jocks
so that you don't stain them. This kind of shit
leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

4. SECOND THOUGHT SHIT. You're all done wiping, and you're about to
stand up when you realise....you've got more.

5. POP A VEIN IN YOUR The kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't
FOREHEAD SHIT. come out till you're all sweaty, trembling and
purple from straining so hard.

6. WEIGHT WATCHERS You shit so much, you lose several kilos.
SHIT.

7. RIGHT NOW SHIT. You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet.
You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually
it has its head out before you can get your
pants down.

8. KING KONG or This one is so big that you know it won't go
CHOKER SHIT. down the toilet unless you break it into smaller
chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind
of shit usually occurs at someone else's house.

9. CORK SHIT Even after the third flush it's still floating in
(also Floater) the bowl. You think "SHIT" how do I get rid of it.

10. WET CHEEKS SHIT. This shit hits the water sideways and makes a big
splash that gets you all wet.

11. WISH SHIT. You sit there all cramped up in the foetal position
and fart a few times, but no shit in sight.

12. CEMENT BLOCK SHIT. You wish you had a spinal anaesthetic before you
attempted this one.

13. SNAKE SHIT. This shit is fairly soft and about as thick as your
thumb, and at least a metre long.

14. BEER AND PIZZA This happens the day after the night before. Most
SHIT. of the time your shit doesn't smell so bad but this
one is BAD....usually this one happens at someone
else's house, and someone is always waiting outside
the toilet door.

15. MEXICAN FOOD SHIT. You know will know it's safe to eat again when your
(or Screamer) arse stops burning.

http://www.jukelightning.com

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FreakyG says on Sep 24, 2008, 14:36:

Have any of you seen the ipod toilet paper dispenser? It holds your ipod and has speakers so you can listen to your favorite artist while you are performing your art as well. I really couldnt crap without this device and now people leave me alone when they see shit on my ipod.

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CascadeBob says on Sep 24, 2008, 15:57:

ujay, I can see you know your shit, but I didn't see the projectile shit listed in your otherwise comprehensive list.

Similar to the Beer and Pizza shit, but with an added component of high gas volume which imposes an element of unusually high velocity to an otherwise normal "day after the night before" shit. Typically, this results in an impressive splattering of the bowl similar to pumping drywall mud onto a wall for texturing. Occassional overspray can rsult and caution is advised.

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dwmte7 says on Sep 24, 2008, 17:49:

that sounds a bit like the relief that comes after a few days of constipation and after drinking a bottle of magnesium citrate. woowie

dwmte

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papiChulo says on Sep 24, 2008, 18:34:

ujay... thats the funniest list ever... I've coppied it.

some of the rudest people I know don't smoke

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Gringo Spy says on Sep 24, 2008, 18:49:

Why hasn't anyone mentioned the Prairie Doggin shit?

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papiChulo says on Sep 24, 2008, 23:04:

Prairie Doggin shit? whats that?

some of the rudest people I know don't smoke

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Gringo Spy says on Sep 25, 2008, 02:08:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=PRAIRIE+DOGGING

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Mononoke28 says on Sep 25, 2008, 09:44:

papiChulo says on Sep 24, 2008, 23:04
Prairie Doggin shit? whats that?
-----------------------
That's when you have to poop and it's kind of coming out of the whole.

That's it for me on this thread... I think it's made me gag like 5 times already.

Diana

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FreakyG says on Sep 25, 2008, 10:19:

I have to agree Diana, shit is nasty -never really liked the stuff. I also like to hear people use the word shit when describing something. Like "that car is the shit" -this makes no sense to me as they like the car, but why refer to it as shit if it is cool? Or another one, "I dont give a shit" -why would you want to keep it in the first place?

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ColombianoGringo says on Sep 25, 2008, 10:43:

A classic Eddie Murphy clip about some of the items on that list and few that aren't.

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dwmte7 says on Sep 25, 2008, 12:49:

there must be some subliminal influences eminating from this thread....i get up this a.m. and spend the next three hours on and off the 'throne' desiminating my dark edicts to the realm. can't imagine why, didn't eat anything bad yesterday, nor did i have a bad/nasty stomach. just visit after stinky visit for about 3 hours.

dwmte

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Mononoke28 says on Sep 25, 2008, 13:27:

TMI !!!!!!!!!!!!!! TMI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TMI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Diana

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lpdiver says on Sep 25, 2008, 14:41:

or when you have a lincon log hanging...it's called a turtle head. You know like a turtle sticking its head out and taking a peek then jerking back in. Man I am hurting over here...

ts

"cook some rice!"

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dwmte7 says on Sep 25, 2008, 18:53:

diana..."tmi"?

dwmte

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christobeldawg says on Sep 25, 2008, 20:37:

I had a girl tell me one time that I did not give two shits about her. I told her I had never heard that expression before. She seemed not interested in discussing the phrase.

admittedly, arriving can feel great too

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travelingirl says on Sep 25, 2008, 21:14:

Whatevs, Dawg. ;)

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