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Actions by Serena, Kanye are a product of the times in US

Actions by Serena, Kanye are a product of the times

BY LYDIA MARTIN

lmartin at MiamiHerald.com

R-E-S-P-E--C-T. Does the rash of high-profile rudeness we've witnessed in the last few days suggest we've forgotten the basic concept?
First South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson blurts out that boorish ``You lie!'' in the middle of President Barack Obama's address to Congress. Then Serena Williams forfeits a match at the U.S. Open when she talks trash to a line judge, suggesting she might shove a ``[f-word] ball'' down the judge's ``[f-word] throat.''

And then, rapper Kanye West pulls another of his stunts, sauntering onstage and grabbing the mike from 19-year-old country star Taylor Swift as she made her acceptance speech at Sunday night's VMAs. Seems West thought his pop music peeps and the broader TV audience needed to know his opinion about how Beyoncé should have been the one to take that Moonman. And he must have thought they needed to know right then and there.

``It's not a pretty time in our society,'' says octogenarian Letitia ``Tish'' Baldrige, Jacqueline Kennedy's White House social secretary and author of several books on etiquette and taste.

West was probably so unconscious he didn't see the appalled look on Beyoncé's face. He clearly didn't care that he embarrassed Swift and ruined her big moment.

All three hotheads have apologized. But even an apology can be uncouth, says Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of etiquette grande dame Emily Post.

"Kanye [posts] an apology to her'' on his blog, says Post, who works for the Emily Post Institute in Vermont and is the author of How Do You Work This Life Thing? You have publicly ruined her moment and forever tied yourself to it. And you don't give her the consideration of saying you're sorry personally, but, instead, you say it to your own fans?... It was such an inconsiderate way of dealing with the situation.''

A little decorum goes a long way. Not that too many folks in South Florida seem to have read the memo about doing unto others. Which is why Miami seems to consistently top lists of cities with rude drivers.

Defensive driving has a special meaning here, and Alfreda Straughter-Reed, who teaches anger management courses in Miami-Dade County, says she blames the times for all the easily unhinged people running around.

``No matter what somebody says to you or does to you in traffic you've got to be able to control yourself,'' says Straighter-Reed, who works with folks who are court ordered to take anger-management classes and those who show up on their own. ``That's just manners. People had much better manners in the old days. There were basic guidelines that you were taught from very early about how to be. You simply did not disrespect your elders -- or anybody else. Yes, you have to release anger. But there are good ways and bad ways.''

Susan Mullane, who teaches ethics in sports at the University of Miami, says there have always been badly-behaved athletes, but there have always been more who minded their Ps and Qs.

``When I tell people I teach sports ethics, they'll say, `Isn't that an oxymoron?' It's not. There are a lot of athletes who have done very good things in tough moments,'' Mullane says. ``A lot of people look up to Serena, and she lost it. Yes, she was caught in the moment, and once she regained her composure she said she was wrong. But it all goes back to having basic respect for others.''

But are we really regressing socially? There are endless examples of rude behavior throughout history. Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe are from an earlier generation of tennis greats -- and Lord knows they could hurl tennis rackets and lob some foul language around.

Baldrige, who once was featured on the cover of Time for her role as an arbiter of manners, was born in 1926 -- in Miami Beach's old St. Francis Hospital, as it happens -- and ``this is the rudest time I have seen. We were taught in school how to be kind when I was a child. The schools just don't teach that anymore. We simply have to learn self-control. That's what distinguishes us from our animal friends in the forest.''

``We think the younger generation has no manners, which is what our parents thought about us, and their parents thought about them,'' Post says. ``It was a week for outbursts. But I don't think we're going to hell in a handbasket.''

After all, for every Wilson, Williams and West, there's a Knowles. As in, Beyoncé, who graciously ceded the stage to Swift when she was called up to receive her own Moonman for Video of the Year.

``That was an example of very good behavior,'' Baldrige says. ``I hope she thought of that on her own and that it wasn't a public relations person who told her what to do. I know that's cynical. I shouldn't even think that. But I've lived so long. And seen so much.''

http://www.miamiherald.com/277/story/1233610.html

By Simon on Sep 14, 2009, 23:11 in Off Topic.

Simon says on Sep 14, 2009, 23:14:

I think Kanye and Serena should go to Colombia to learn some real manners!

"Just an honest, decent Colombian trying to do the right thing."--Simon

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ddluzdelsol says on Sep 15, 2009, 00:00:

It sucks that people will probably remember more of Kanye's outburst than Beyonce's act of kindness..

Simon... And you are somewhat correct in saying school's don't teach how to be kind... it's because we are too freakin' busy teaching to Bush's no child left behind bullsh!t test. And speaking of being kind... Do you know... we aren't even allowed to hug the kids anymore. If a student comes up to us for a hug, we are TAUGHT to turn to the side, and pat the child on the shoulder. If we are too kind, parents start to question!
But why blame the schools.... IT STARTS AT HOME!!!!

Christmas and New Years in Ibague!!

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Lcacique says on Sep 15, 2009, 10:42:

Kanye is an idiot. He'd be just as much of an idiot if he was white.

Serena's act, while worthy of some criticism, isn't comparable to Kanye's disturbance at the music awards. Do we really expect athletes to behave like angels in competition? We push players to play with heart, passion, and fire. We want them to fight and give it their all. Yet we freak out (sometimes) when their emotions get the best of them and they curse a questionable call. Give me a break. Besides, how many men have broken their rackets or cursed out a line judge without mention? If Serena was a white male, this wouldn't be such a controversy.

I hate this cleaning up Sports bullshit. Oregon's running back that got suspended for the entire season? Pathetic. Was he wrong to punch the Boise State a-hole? Yes. Was he wrong to charge hostile fans? Yes. But suspended for the year? Insanity. These kids stare all week at a picture of their direct opponent's face and they are told that the opponent is evil. They are revved up to annihilate the opponent. Why are we surprised that from time to time somebody doesn't take shit from a smack talker after a game? Why wouldn't a competitor - hopped up emotionally - lay a fool out after he makes a point to rub a win in your face? Is it right? No, but it should be expected and it shouldn't be punished so severely.

"Es fácil vivir con los ojos cerrados interpretando todo lo que se ve mal..." ~ J. Lennon

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goin_south says on Sep 15, 2009, 22:08:

Jimmmy Caaaataar.... playin the race card!

Yes,... we cannot be critical of the president BECAUSE HE IS BLACK, ... MAAAAAN.
If you are critical of a black man, now, in 'Merica (north, of course!)...... you are racist..... jejejeje bs, bs, bs..... 'cique....bs.

nothin I say is to be takn for my words, but rather for the words of Sailor Jerry.

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Lcacique says on Sep 16, 2009, 11:40:

Umm, I was just critical of a black man in the US. So, I call BS on you. It's fine to be critical of anyone, but it is clear that some of the criticism against Obama has nothing to do with his actions and everything to do with the color of his skin and/or the irrational fears promoted by lunatics.

"Es fácil vivir con los ojos cerrados interpretando todo lo que se ve mal..." ~ J. Lennon

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ddluzdelsol says on Sep 16, 2009, 13:17:

Obama even called Kanye a jackass!!! hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Christmas and New Years in Ibague!!

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dwmte7 says on Sep 19, 2009, 11:38:

don't forget that piece of work who's the ceo of acorn.

patriarch

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