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a sunny day on the links.....

Last Sunday was just a magnificent day, clear, windless, humidity down and in short, a day to die for. Well, since I always wake several hours earlier than my wife and daughter, I thought it a perfect day to get away to the links, get in 18 holes and have a good reason for missing mass.
When I got to the course, I was one of the first persons at the tee so I chatted a bit with other players and simply waited my turn in line. Then, the strangest thing happened, up drives one of those multi-seat golf carts, with a driver and four players. These weren’t your ordinary players, ie. grown men, professional, happy to have the day to their friends and their game, no…to everyone’s surprise, one by one the extraordinary players exited the cart.
The first man, was a giant of a fellow, tall, broad, erect…clearly a strong powerful man…in robes…it was MOSES. Believe it, his presence was commanding, a snow white flowing beard, long flowing snow white hair, and a glance that would freeze you in your tracks.
He gazed around, surveyed the other players without taking note of anyone in particular and stood there while the next man got out of the cart. It was St. Paul.
St. Paul was considerably less formidable, you might say, modestly humble, and exited the cart with a kind smiling glance for everyone standing around the tee. His manner was far more amiable, approachable than Moses’…he was simply approachable to all in every sense of the word.
Then as all eyes turned to the cart, the next player to exit, also in white flowing robes, was none other than JESUS CHRIST, himself. Tall, slight of frame, composed, commanding and at the same time, his presence was that of warmth, love and great familiarity…clearly approachable.
As the three men stood their together, a presence of such radiance and purity, the other golfers around the tee turned their attention back to the golf cart where the last occupant sat, unassumingly, smiling at everyone, but didn’t exit the cart
Compared to his august fellow players, this chap was old, balding, with what was left of curly red hair and a sparce beard. To top it all off, although still seated, it was clear that he was short in stature, had a bit of a plump belly and was dressed in garish red and green plaid Bermudas and a white golf shirt. His most redeeming feature was his amiable smile which clearly took everyone’s attention.
Attention once again turned to MOSES as he took his club and made his way to the tee. Those, like myself, who were in queue before these men, automatically conceded our tee off position to witness the tee off of these historic saints.
As MOSES took his position at the tee, he made no small issue of his power and importance…every movement was awesome. Then he took his club, made two, maybe three warm up swings and finally, let fly his shot and sent the ball like a rocket, at amazing speed, high into the air, maybe 300 feet or more and then it makes an unbelievable turn and heads down the fairway. I’ve never seen a ball move with such velocity, racing down the link up and over the lake, where it stops in mid air and begins to fall. Seeing this, MOSES, shows an expression of surprise and shock, drops his club, raises both of his long, powerful arms to heaven as he did when he parted the red sea, but to no avail…the ball continued to drop and fell right into the lake ‘kerplunk’ and sank right to the bottom.

Well, it was evident this powerful, confident man was perturbed and according to some, heard him mumble to himself, ‘damn it’…and then he stepped away from the tee. conceeding to the next player, ST. PAUL.
Everything in ST. PAUL’S manner was less assuming and commanding than that of MOSES. He was quiet, modest in every gesture and humility marked his every move. He went straight to the tee, placed his ball, and without any warm up, swung his club back and let it fly. The ball headed away from the fairway and went towards the trees, bouncing from one tree to another and finally, after it’s momentum had exhausted itself, fell into the thicket, never to be seen again. As unaffectedly as he had taken the tee, he retreated, smilingly, taking his position aside a rather sour-faced MOSES.
Then with all eyes and attention upon him, JESUS walked up to the tee, glanced compassionately around, at all in attendance, placed his ball on the tee, took several warm up swings and finally let it fly.
Well, if I’ve ever witnessed an anti-climax on tee-off, this was it. Forcefully , his club struck the ball, but instead of flying down the fairway, it took off the tee, didn’t go 30 yards before it just stopped dead.
Standing there, I found myself, like all the other observers, sighing, ‘ughhhhhh’ , at the no-show tee. It was a shot like none had ever seen, followed by LORD JESUS’ audible comment, “well I’ll be.��?
At this, the crowd, each and everyone of them, aghast at the performance of these saintly, historic figures, turned their bewildered eyes to the golf cart where the old, balding red haired guy still sat smiling….warming everyone by his twinkling eyes and effervescent smile. finally, he got up out of the golf cart, stretched a bit and sauntered over to the tee, where he wasted no time placing his ball and with absolutely no ado, let’s go a not terribly powerful swing which, surprisingly sends the bal careening sideways away from the fairway, into the trees, bouncing repeatedly off one tree, then another and then, losing it’s momentum begins to fall, but striking a huge rock, bounces back over the fairway and heads straight for the sand trap. With all eyes glued on its descent, imagine the shock to see it strike the head of a squirrel which at that moment had stuck it’s head out of the ground, deflecting the ball away from the trap and up over the green, which then, by force of gravity and momentum, rolls straight across the green and right into the hole. Never has such a spectacle been witnessed by those in attendance. Finally, after a pronounced silence…the crowd burst into applause and laughter and the old guy just , smilingly, walked over to his fellow players and stood alongside them,’ til the applause subsided.
Unlike ST. PAUL, who quietly exclaimed, “oh my LORD!��?, MOSES, quite begrudgingly exclaimed, “I’ll be damned��? and angrily crossed his arms across his chest. Finally, JESUS CHRIST, turned to the old guy, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, said to the old fellow, “Nice shot, Last Sunday was just a magnificent day, clear, windless, humidity down and in short, a day to die for. Well, since I always wake several hours earlier than my wife and daughter, I thought it a perfect day to get away to the links, get in 18 holes and have a good reason for missing mass.
When I got to the course, I was one of the first persons at the tee so I chatted a bit with other players and simply waited my turn in line. Then, the strangest thing happened, up drives one of those multi-seat golf carts, with a driver and four players. These weren’t your ordinary players, ie. grown men, professional, happy to have the day to their friends and their game, no…to everyone’s surprise, one by one the extraordinary players exited the cart.
The first man, was a giant of a fellow, tall, broad, erect…clearly a strong powerful man…in robes…it was MOSES. Believe it, his presence was commanding, a snow white flowing beard, long flowing snow white hair, and a glance that would freeze you in your tracks.
He gazed around, surveyed the other players without taking note of anyone in particular and stood there while the next man got out of the cart. It was St. Paul.
St. Paul was considerably less formidable, you might say, modestly humble, and exited the cart with a kind smiling glance for everyone standing around the tee. His manner was far more amiable, approachable than Moses’…he was simply approachable to all in every sense of the word.
Then as all eyes turned to the cart, the next player to exit, also in white flowing robes, was none other than JESUS CHRIST, himself. Tall, slight of frame, composed, commanding and at the same time, his presence was that of warmth, love and great familiarity…clearly approachable.
As the three men stood their together, a presence of such radiance and purity, the other golfers around the tee turned their attention back to the golf cart where the last occupant sat, unassumingly, smiling at everyone, but didn’t exit the cart
Compared to his august fellow players, this chap was old, balding, with what was left of curly red hair and a sparce beard. To top it all off, although still seated, it was clear that he was short in stature, had a bit of a plump belly and was dressed in garish red and green plaid Bermudas and a white golf shirt. His most redeeming feature was his amiable smile which clearly took everyone’s attention.
Attention once again turned to MOSES as he took his club and made his way to the tee. Those, like myself, who were in queue before these men, automatically conceded our tee off position to witness the tee off of these historic saints.
As MOSES took his position at the tee, he made no small issue of his power and importance…every movement was awesome. Then he took his club, made two, maybe three warm up swings and finally, let fly his shot and sent the ball like a rocket, at amazing speed, high into the air, maybe 300 feet or more and then it makes an unbelievable turn and heads down the fairway. I’ve never seen a ball move with such velocity, racing down the link up and over the lake, where it stops in mid air and begins to fall. Seeing this, MOSES, shows an expression of surprise and shock, drops his club, raises both of his long, powerful arms to heaven as he did when he parted the red sea, but to no avail…the ball continued to drop and fell right into the lake ‘kerplunk’ and sank right to the bottom.

Well, it was evident this powerful, confident man was perturbed and according to some, heard him mumble to himself, ‘damn it’…and then he stepped away from the tee. conceeding to the next player, ST. PAUL.
Everything in ST. PAUL’S manner was less assuming and commanding than that of MOSES. He was quiet, modest in every gesture and humility marked his every move. He went straight to the tee, placed his ball, and without any warm up, swung his club back and let it fly. The ball headed away from the fairway and went towards the trees, bouncing from one tree to another and finally, after it’s momentum had exhausted itself, fell into the thicket, never to be seen again. As unaffectedly as he had taken the tee, he retreated, smilingly, taking his position aside a rather sour-faced MOSES.
Then with all eyes and attention upon him, JESUS walked up to the tee, glanced compassionately around, at all in attendance, placed his ball on the tee, took several warm up swings and finally let it fly.
Well, if I’ve ever witnessed an anti-climax on tee-off, this was it. Forcefully , his club struck the ball, but instead of flying down the fairway, it took off the tee, didn’t go 30 yards before it just stopped dead.
Standing there, I found myself, like all the other observers, sighing, ‘ughhhhhh’ , at the no-show tee. It was a shot like none had ever seen, followed by LORD JESUS’ audible comment, “well I’ll be.��?
At this, the crowd, each and everyone of them, aghast at the performance of these saintly, historic figures, turned their bewildered eyes to the golf cart where the old, balding red haired guy still sat smiling….warming everyone by his twinkling eyes and effervescent smile. finally, he got up out of the golf cart, stretched a bit and sauntered over to the tee, where he wasted no time placing his ball and with absolutely no ado, let’s go a not terribly powerful swing which, surprisingly sends the bal careening sideways away from the fairway, into the trees, bouncing repeatedly off one tree, then another and then, losing it’s momentum begins to fall, but striking a huge rock, bounces back over the fairway and heads straight for the sand trap. With all eyes glued on its descent, imagine the shock to see it strike the head of a squirrel which at that moment had stuck it’s head out of the ground, deflecting the ball away from the trap and up over the green, which then, by force of gravity and momentum, rolls straight across the green and right into the hole. Never has such a spectacle been witnessed by those in attendance. Finally, after a pronounced silence…the crowd burst into applause and laughter and the old guy just , smilingly, walked over to his fellow players and stood alongside them,’ til the applause subsided.
Unlike ST. PAUL, who quietly exclaimed, “oh my LORD!��?, MOSES, quite begrudgingly exclaimed, “I’ll be damned��? and angrily crossed his arms across his chest. Finally, JESUS CHRIST, turned to the old guy, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, said to the old fellow, “Nice shot, dad.��?
Last Sunday was just a magnificent day, clear, windless, humidity down and in short, a day to die for. Well, since I always wake several hours earlier than my wife and daughter, I thought it a perfect day to get away to the links, get in 18 holes and have a good reason for missing mass.
When I got to the course, I was one of the first persons at the tee so I chatted a bit with other players and simply waited my turn in line. Then, the strangest thing happened, up drives one of those multi-seat golf carts, with a driver and four players. These weren’t your ordinary players, ie. grown men, professional, happy to have the day to their friends and their game, no…to everyone’s surprise, one by one the extraordinary players exited the cart.
The first man, was a giant of a fellow, tall, broad, erect…clearly a strong powerful man…in robes…it was MOSES. Believe it, his presence was commanding, a snow white flowing beard, long flowing snow white hair, and a glance that would freeze you in your tracks.
He gazed around, surveyed the other players without taking note of anyone in particular and stood there while the next man got out of the cart. It was St. Paul.
St. Paul was considerably less formidable, you might say, modestly humble, and exited the cart with a kind smiling glance for everyone standing around the tee. His manner was far more amiable, approachable than Moses’…he was simply approachable to all in every sense of the word.
Then as all eyes turned to the cart, the next player to exit, also in white flowing robes, was none other than JESUS CHRIST, himself. Tall, slight of frame, composed, commanding and at the same time, his presence was that of warmth, love and great familiarity…clearly approachable.
As the three men stood their together, a presence of such radiance and purity, the other golfers around the tee turned their attention back to the golf cart where the last occupant sat, unassumingly, smiling at everyone, but didn’t exit the cart
Compared to his august fellow players, this chap was old, balding, with what was left of curly red hair and a sparce beard. To top it all off, although still seated, it was clear that he was short in stature, had a bit of a plump belly and was dressed in garish red and green plaid Bermudas and a white golf shirt. His most redeeming feature was his amiable smile which clearly took everyone’s attention.
Attention once again turned to MOSES as he took his club and made his way to the tee. Those, like myself, who were in queue before these men, automatically conceded our tee off position to witness the tee off of these historic saints.
As MOSES took his position at the tee, he made no small issue of his power and importance…every movement was awesome. Then he took his club, made two, maybe three warm up swings and finally, let fly his shot and sent the ball like a rocket, at amazing speed, high into the air, maybe 300 feet or more and then it makes an unbelievable turn and heads down the fairway. I’ve never seen a ball move with such velocity, racing down the link up and over the lake, where it stops in mid air and begins to fall. Seeing this, MOSES, shows an expression of surprise and shock, drops his club, raises both of his long, powerful arms to heaven as he did when he parted the red sea, but to no avail…the ball continued to drop and fell right into the lake ‘kerplunk’ and sank right to the bottom.

Well, it was evident this powerful, confident man was perturbed and according to some, heard him mumble to himself, ‘damn it’…and then he stepped away from the tee. conceeding to the next player, ST. PAUL.
Everything in ST. PAUL’S manner was less assuming and commanding than that of MOSES. He was quiet, modest in every gesture and humility marked his every move. He went straight to the tee, placed his ball, and without any warm up, swung his club back and let it fly. The ball headed away from the fairway and went towards the trees, bouncing from one tree to another and finally, after it’s momentum had exhausted itself, fell into the thicket, never to be seen again. As unaffectedly as he had taken the tee, he retreated, smilingly, taking his position aside a rather sour-faced MOSES.
Then with all eyes and attention upon him, JESUS walked up to the tee, glanced compassionately around, at all in attendance, placed his ball on the tee, took several warm up swings and finally let it fly.
Well, if I’ve ever witnessed an anti-climax on tee-off, this was it. Forcefully , his club struck the ball, but instead of flying down the fairway, it took off the tee, didn’t go 30 yards before it just stopped dead.
Standing there, I found myself, like all the other observers, sighing, ‘ughhhhhh’ , at the no-show tee. It was a shot like none had ever seen, followed by LORD JESUS’ audible comment, “well I’ll be.��?
At this, the crowd, each and everyone of them, aghast at the performance of these saintly, historic figures, turned their bewildered eyes to the golf cart where the old, balding red haired guy still sat smiling….warming everyone by his twinkling eyes and effervescent smile. finally, he got up out of the golf cart, stretched a bit and sauntered over to the tee, where he wasted no time placing his ball and with absolutely no ado, let’s go a not terribly powerful swing which, surprisingly sends the bal careening sideways away from the fairway, into the trees, bouncing repeatedly off one tree, then another and then, losing it’s momentum begins to fall, but striking a huge rock, bounces back over the fairway and heads straight for the sand trap. With all eyes glued on its descent, imagine the shock to see it strike the head of a squirrel which at that moment had stuck it’s head out of the ground, deflecting the ball away from the trap and up over the green, which then, by force of gravity and momentum, rolls straight across the green and right into the hole. Never has such a spectacle been witnessed by those in attendance. Finally, after a pronounced silence…the crowd burst into applause and laughter and the old guy just , smilingly, walked over to his fellow players and stood alongside them,’ til the applause subsided.
Unlike ST. PAUL, who quietly exclaimed, “oh my LORD!��?, MOSES, quite begrudgingly exclaimed, “I’ll be damned��? and angrily crossed his arms across his chest. Finally, JESUS CHRIST, turned to the old guy, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, said to the old fellow, “Nice shot, dad

By dwmte7 on Jun 22, 2008, 09:31 in Off Topic.

dwmte7 says on Jun 23, 2008, 09:19:

i'm really sorry this got f****d up when i posted it, it was a joke by my parrish priest. i have no idea what happened. it was fine when i posted it, but when the computer did it's thing, it reprinted it several times and screwed the punch line which should read, "nice shot, dad."

if you read it. when you get to , "nice shot, just add 'dad'. then it makes sense.

dwmte

0 funny, 0 helpful.

CatGirl says on Jun 23, 2008, 11:41:

Thanks Douglas - a bit of a loooong read for me....Probably best told than read? '))
I tried to get the gist ;))

Funny! - thanks for sharing!

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte7 says on Jun 24, 2008, 04:15:

what, doc...did i screw that up, too? the road to hell is paved with good intention. what can i say. i had to remember that joke as it was told by my priest in mass. i did it in word 2008 in vista and then had to paste it into a post here. somehow the whole thing god screwed up and the 'screw up' took place on the punch line.....((*)&^&%$^%$#

dwmte

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte7 says on Jun 25, 2008, 09:02:

i had to ab lib, completely....it was a joke my priest told in mass and i had to carry it from memory and reproduce.

when i sent it in e mail to some friends, the fricken computers or whatever reproduced it so many times, it was 18 pages long..... then when i posted it here, when it reproduced itself, it blocked out the lastword of the punch line, "dad" and started all over again. all that work for a screwed up result.

well, doc...you know what they say....."...the road to hell is paved with good intention." thus, they.

dwmte

0 funny, 0 helpful.