SarahS has left 11 comments

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

don gringo Just to let you know, in answer to your question about the lung system thing. I did zoology at university and we learned in the evolution courses that there is fossil evidence of a group of fish called the lung fish (and I think theyve also found a live specimen) which have both lungs and gills and this is the fish from which the land mammals were supposed to have evolved and subsequently lost thier gills. thats (apparently) why some land lizards still have traces of gills even though they have lungs aswell.

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

Its worrying to think that all men cheat. My friends theory is that all guys are gonna cheat eventually so you just have to get used to it. Dont know about that, but maybe its right!! We could be just kidding ourselves that we might have a faithful man, ever. Nice thought eh?

Thanks for your comments blondie, Ill let you know how it goes!

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

DonGringo Thanks so much for your message, I really appreciate all the things you said. I think youre right about trusting and to stop doubting all the time. Trust me to get into a relationship where there are so many possible reasons to not trust so soon after being totally decieved by somenone! Its really hard to try to draw theline between being paranoid and being aware. but i guess ill get there. he knows all about what happened before and understands the way i am now...although it does get to him at times so i do need to work on it.

Its nice to have advice from people who know something about what Im talking about, my friends support me but dont really know how the situation is. And they dont know anything about Colombia as theyve never been there.

What you said, thats one thing I love about Colombia and Colombian people, everyone is so open! Maybe its just my boyfriends family but they all knew pretty much everything about our relationship because any discussion or arguement we had would always end up being discussed infront of and with them. It was a bit weird at first but I love it now, its really nice to be part of a family like that. He would always send his sisters and mum to comfort me when he wasnt there and i was upset and I would have to end up telling them everything. but I got really close to them through that and we ended up getting really close. So thats another good thing I suppose, I like to think that his family would let me know if he was openly playing me.

Anyway, thanks so much, Ill just have to trust but not be stupid about it and lets see how it goes!

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

elchantajista I see where your coming from...this is why i said to him that he has to pay for his ticket over here and Im not going over there again until he comes here. Because I dont want to be the one that pays for everything all the time.

Its just a fact that i have more money than him, and have the capabilty of making more because of where I live. for this reason when I was there i did pay for some things, but he never asked me for anything, it was only if i wanted to go out or do something, and he had no money, I would pay for the two of us. But the fact that his family had put me up in their house for 3 months rent free (because they didnt want me to have to pay for a hotel so I could enjoy my holiday more) after knowing me for a week, and even feeding me for free for the last 6 weeks, made me feel better about paying for some things. When he did have money though, he did pay for me, and his sisters never let me pay for too much. It is difficult when you have more money than them...especially when its the guy who has less money. for me its difficult because i dont want to be used for money, and for him he says it was difficult cos he wanted to provide for me and buy me things but couldnt at the time.

His dad...he is still around but I dont know if he was ever a big cheat. maybe...Ill have to ask his mum! Im pretty sure hes not now cos all he does is sit next door and play dominoes all day. Pus hes about 70 so hes probably a bit old for that! He good with all the kids though, and although he does nothing around the house except go fishing once a fortnight and get a weeks worth of fish, he is always around which is nice I suppose.

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

in reply well thanks everyone for your comments, someone said that i should go home for a bit and seperate myself from him. Well I actually left Colombia 4 months ago so we have been seperated for that long and are so far still together. I am realistic about these things though, I never actually thought it would get this far, and I am not for one minute thinking that we will DEFINATELY be together forever. I like to take things slowly and would really prefer to be in the same country to see how the relationship works out normally. But thats not possible at the moment.

About the promiscous thing, I am very aware of that. Thats what I thought about Latin men all along (no offence any latin men) but to be honest, ALL my other english boyfriends have cheated on me so I cant do any worse! We have talked about it alot and he says his view is that when you are with the righ person you dont cheat on them, he doesnt think its right, so he says. He has been very honest with me, he says that he has cheated on people in the past but they werent serious relationships, and even his family tells me that hes never had a really serious relationship with a girl like he is with me. BUT I dont take any of that as fact, I just have to wait and see really. But al I know is that he SAYS he wouldnt cheat on me so atleast i know he doesnt think its ok! But you just never know do you, wherever the guy or girl is from.

The fact that we are in different countries obviously makes it easier and more likely that he may sleep with someone else but I knew that from the beginning and I even said to him before I left that we could just be open to other things and if it works out together and we still love eachother after some time then we will be together. But he said he doesnt want anyone else and he doesnt want me to have anyone else so we should just stay together and be faithful. But like I said, Im am realistic, and Im just gonna wait and see how it turns out with more time.

The lending money thing, he didnt actually ask me for it. I offered it because I saw that he was trying every other avenue of getting the money and he was very close to not being able to do a certain project because he didnt have the travel expenses and I could see that he was really upset about it. i told him I couldnt help him at first because I didnt want lending him money to come into it but I felt guilty that i couldnt help him and was apologising. He told me not to worry and he understands that I cant help him and its not my problem. Anyway, in the end I decided to give it to him because i hated the fact that he couldnt do this concert that was really important when I actually did have the money to help him. Plus I thought, well its gonna be a test, if he does give it back then its one step closer to proving that he is genuine and I can trust him, and if he doesnt then I can forget it! So as you can imagine, I was really happy when he gave it all back.

The machismo thing does worry me sometimes but Ive told him that im not that kind of person and will not do everything for him. he says heknows that and we will share everything when (or if) we live together. Hes never asked me to do anything for him so far, and actually does stuff for me if I ask. But his dad does let his mum do everything which is not a good role model. But I told him straight that I would not ever live like his parents do in that respect so if thats what he wants then he should find someone else. he just laughs and says that he knows Im not like that and he wont be like that with me. He is really supportive of me with what I want to do career wise and all the things I do in my life. he knows Im very independant and he likes that. But, we'll see how it is later I guess!

Oh, and the friends thing...his friends actually seem to have really good attitudes to women for the most part. he has a few friends in really serious relationships and they are really respectful to their women. they are all really strong in the oppinion that they want intelligent women that are honest and faithful and sincere because they say there arnt alot of women like that around. (thats what they say, not me!)

But then he tells me that in the past most of them, including him, were real slappers (slept with a lot of girls) and didnt really take girls very seriously, basically dogs. He told me that but said that it was because he was young and hes not interested in that anymore (hes 27 now), now he wants a proper relationship. But like you said, once a cheater always a cheater so yeah, that does worry me. But then, alot of guys go through a stage of playing around then wanna settle down, dont they?? His friends are really good to me and tell me that Im the best girl hes ever had and that they can tell he really loves me. The friends he has that are in relationships are really lovely with thier girlfriends, i have actually never seen such respectful men in this country! And they really take their relationships seriously which is really encouraging. they are all really supportive of their friends with girlfriends and think its great, rather than trying to get them to pick up other girls!

But really, I just never know...I have been fooled by people enough now to know that you can never tell the trth from what people say, you just have to wait and see with more time how they really turn out. So thats all can do I supose. it is dificult with future plans...but I love Colombia and wouldnt mind living there one day...also he says he will come here to live with me if I want him to.

ksmmcg...good luck in Bogota...youre gonna love Colombia, and Im sure his parents will love you and treat you like family like my boyfriends did to me. Thanks for your advice and its really nice to see a relationship like this thats worked out so well

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

thanks giann thats nice to know. Im glad its not just him! And I will be setting him strait on that matter! Im sure he'll get used to cooking for himself eventually...

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

ta thanks blondie for your encouraging words!

SarahS comments on any relationship advice?

thanks alt for your comments, ya I think youre right, I might be bit too paranoid..but trust me, from my last experience its hard not to be! But yeah, I need to trust more and I am aware that it might drive him away if I dont. Its just a matter of trying to keep a good balance between trusting and being naive which is quite hard!
About the family thing, its so different from in England cos the mother does ALL the cooking for everyone, even though all the kids are in the 20s, and the women are the ones who do all the work in the house which isnt how I like it so if does go any further we are gonna have to work on that! Its different to what im used to and he seems to take a lot for granted with his mum and not give her as much respect for what she does as I would like to see at times but at others he makes up for it so Im not sure. He is always respectful to me and never expects me to do anything for him but that might change later on! I think you are right about watching how people are with their family. I guess ill just have to let the relationship take its course and see what happens with time..just like any other relationship except the diferent country thing makes it a bit more complicated!

Thanks for your comments, it makes me feel better to have a positive outside oppinion to keep my paranoia in check!

SarahS comments on Invitation letter to UK

thanks fiona,

its nice to hear someone say its easy cosIm getting worried its going to be really hard! Hopefully it will al go ok. Thanks alot,

Sarah

SarahS comments on Invitation letter to UK

perfect Thanks so much,

that sounds perfect, thats more or less what I was thinking,just wantedto make sure. So did your boyfriend end up coming? Is it easy to get the visa?

SarahS comments on Invitation letter to UK

thankyou Thanks for your reply, I dont think I have to be a relative, from what i know its a bit easier to get a visa for the uk than for the us. What you say aboutknowing him well, I dont know, I suppose you never know do you until something happens. ive known him for about 10 motnhs and stayed with his family in Colombia for a few months. they wereall so lovely to me and let me stay for freeand I really want to do the same for them. I got to know his family really well but like i said you never know do you! It does cross my mind sometimes, the possibilty that there might be an ulterior motive with him but its only because of stories ive heard from other people, its nothing that hes done thats made me thinklike that. So I guess I cant judge anyone just because of steryotypes or other peoples experiences but I do have to be careful i know. I suppose I just have to be aware of the risks and keep my eyes open. Im not paying for anything though so Im not risking money anyway which is one less thing to worry about!