mnavarro has left 7 comments

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

Right now I live in Emeryville.But I grew up in Monterey Heights. I've lived in alot of different parts of the city but my favorite part neighborhood is Potrero Hill. I don't see how one can say Bogota is better (besides the women), but to each their own. Really the questions that I have where mainly geared at people who have relationships/marriages and are helping/supporting.I thought this site would be more helpful/friendly. By the way I had a Molluccan Cockatoo... kind of like a Colombiana in a way.

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

My girfriend is a city girl and off all the cities she prefers Bogata. San Francisco is a million times better than Bogata in almost every single aspect. She will have no problem adapting to life here. She will miss her family but we will take trips. I'm not trying to turn her into a maid. She's 28 years old.. There wasn't really an issue with this. I've made 4 trips to Colombia. I've stayed with her in different living situations. The first was with her aunt, second trip was at her apartment, and the third was she basically stayed with me at the hotel night and day and we went to her mother's house daily. I was far more comfortable at the hotel, and preferred to stay there because I worked remotely during the day. This was not an issue with the mother. I'm sure the father (divorced) would be less interested in knowing that her daughter was with me the entire time, but in my last visit her brother died and I was somebody from the outside that provided alot of emotional support. I had a good relationship with the child that passed and brought him an xbox and lots of games. He was very happy and that was a very minor thing I could have done. I also paid for the whole expense of the funeral. Everybody cried when I left, because it was a tough time for everybody, and I provided a lot of support. Her mother and father weren't working that much because they where taking care of their dying son. But I also need to be smart and more interested in helping her/family only with what they need.. not necessarily what they want. I don't want to have a situation where I've helped create a life long dependancy, when I could set some realistic expectations from the get go. I'm still convinced that if I can help them start some business where the family could work (i'm not necessarily interested in the profits) that they could have a good business and be more independant. Obviously that's not realistic in the short term, but I prefer that then sending them money monthly. I'm not opposed to helping her family out, I've already helped them out. If I send her about 200 monthly is that fair, how much is enough? A mentor once told me that if you're tying to send a rocket to the moon, the initial trajectory is critical because if it's off no amount of mid course corrections will get you there.

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

Well I appreciate your comments and I need to hear all of them. I think there's a lot of truth in these postings. I've had a relationship with this girl over a year but in my personal visits with her I have spent over 2 months living with her. I don't think this is really rushing into anything. When planning for a fiance visa it's about 6 (and a few more visits) months or more, so now is the appropriate time to plan and have these discussions. If we are not serious at this point I need to move on. I am not trying to be overly controlling, I'm trying to arrive at something reasonable. I understand that what may be perfectly logical to me, is completely different to somebody else. I'm 38 years old, and I'm way beyond puppy love. I've had enough life experience to know that love can be fleeting and there are many other things that are required to build a long lasting relationship, like communication and compromise. If some of these things are not there at this point, then perhaps it's better to move on.. I've made many sacrifices to meet and be with this girl. I've also learned Spanish. I've helped her and her family out. I've had great experiences and I try to keep it all in perspective. I definitely need to take a step back and do some more thinking.

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

Nucknfuts, your advise is useable, but not the specific advise I was looking for. I know plenty of relationships that worked out and I'm certain there are many on this board. Obviously, more do not. I was looking for advice from some of the people who have successful arrangements. I'm open to everything including "long distance relationships don't work." We're all grown ups here, and their are many more obstacles to overcome with a long distance relationship. I am close to her family I have spent all it all about 2 months living with her. I talk to her every day. I was recently there and her 13 year old brother whom I was close with died of brain cancer. While I am close to the family I don't want to create a life long dependancy on me. I think it's better to help them help themselves. I know I need to make compromises because the culture is different. There are something which are more of a warning flag for me. Currently she's half way through receiving a specialization which she pays about 1 million pesos monthly. She makes about 1.6 million monthly. Her contract is over at the end of March. She will not have a lot of money monthly to pay her tuition. She says her main concern is helping her mom. I tell her if she's really interested in helping her mom and future with me that she would be better off working and studying English. She can help her mom out and prepare for her future abroad. But she doesn't like this or won't listen to this. To me there is something wrong with being so stubborn not to listen to reason. I even told her if she doesn't like being in the USA the worst case scenario is that she would have free lessons to learn English and will have had the opportunity the united states. From my point of view she's not losing that much. I even offered to pay for the rest of her tuition should things not work out. Some of this is that I personally think she's wasting her time with a specialization that will mean very little here, and learning English is infinitely more important if she wants to work here (and help her mom) I need to be objective, but sometimes I feel she's not being flexible. Am I being reasonable? Is this a sign of a significant problem?

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

Strobers, what arrangement did you come up (supporting the family) before she could work? What percentage of the money that went into the account went to her family?

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

I intend to do everything legally. I live in San Francisco bay area. My cousin's wife received a work pemit very quickly with little effort. If she can't get a tourist visa we will get a fiance visa first. The first trip was hopefully to visit me before she made any decisions. The next step would be a fiance visa.

mnavarro comments on Advice needed for relationship

lfsr1544, great post particularly number 3. I agree with the idea of reinventing herself.. but the reality is this implies helping her start a business. I like this idea more for her family than for her. I discussed that they could run the business and earn better salaries because I'm not greedy and the business would be more for them. This will require investment on my part too. But I generally like this idea better.