Why do we feel depressed after leaving colombia?

caulfield2 says on Jul 11, 2005, 13:32:

I really liked Cali a lot, and I was only there three days. It kind of gets in your blood, maybe I was lucky and the weather was perfect, but it just seems kind of a magical place with the mountains and all the lights at night (reminded me a little of Salt Lake City, Denver or LA in that sense).

The clubs there are really cool, as a gringo I know that I HAVE to learn to dance to really have a good time and "fit in" instead of sitting on the sidelines and being left out.

As far as your husband goes, there's that saying that you can't keep a bird caged up, open the door and expect it to fly back to you...you need to give the bird its freedom and then it will reward you with loyalty. Of course, that's easier done in theory than practice.

Maybe he felt insecure...but trying to control someone or keep you all to themselves NEVER works, as it normally has quite the opposite effect. I don't think it's even a matter of trust...probably the fact that he felt like he had to compete for your affection or attention, perhaps? I know how it is though...you need to have a separate life and your own friends, and you (he, in this case) can't be happy apart, how can you be happy together? I do think this has been one of the biggest issues in my relationship/s as well...balancing "alone time" with the need to get out the house, to dance, drink, and have fun. Sometimes, it's just not possible with a person that maybe doesn't like to dance, doesn't like crowds or drinking or feels out of place around younger people.

At any rate, I really had a blast in Colombia for 18 days and now I'm going to be there for 2 years, leaving next Thursday for Cali (one week), then moving on to Eje Cafetero. Colombia is just a fun place filled with mostly great people, and it feels perfectly natural to stay out until 4-6 a.m. or listen to musicians in the street at 3 a.m., something that would never happen in the suburbs of los estados unitdos.

kat1 (Moderator) says on Jul 11, 2005, 14:00:

Welcome back Mrs Gomez, I know how you feel. It's called post Holidays depression,;-)
Sorry about your split.

engage brain before opening mouth

Peter Miami says on Jul 11, 2005, 14:37:

Mrs Gomez I love partying, dancing, drinking, and going out. This is why I am single until I get it out of my system I will not get married. I am close to forty and I act like twelve except for my career. What you have to take into account is that if you want to party you have to be by yourself or with a boyfriend or husband that likes to party. You sound like most men they want to have a girlfriend but they want to go out every weekend by them self, this is not right either from women or men. You need to take a time out for yourself get over your husband and Colombia and then think of what you want to do. Maybe he was insecure maybe not but you put him in a bad situation. Is he from the United States?
I hope you get it together and good luck. I know what you mean about Cali I love it so much I go three to five times a year for about the last three years. I love it and I am from the U.S. I will be there for two and a half weeks in August just 31 days left to go. I will also go in December for Christmas and New Years.

Regards,

Peter Miami

Peter Miami says on Jul 11, 2005, 14:42:

WOW Mrs. Gomez is that you on the picture? I just saw your picture you look fine. You have it going on girl! You look like you are pretty young, do not get marry have fun enjoy life them get married when you are ready.

Peter Miami

Gomezman5 says on Jul 11, 2005, 14:49:

Hi Ms. Gomez Peter Miami has a point. You need to kind of collect your thoughts and decide which way you want to go with your life.

Interestingly enough, it is not clear to me as to whether you are upset because of the split with your husband, or because you miss your family and Colombia. Perhaps it is a little bit of both? In any event, you are sitting in a good position in that you can live in london and continue your life there, or if you are not really happy there, or you do not feel you have a reason to live there, you can always retrurn to live in Colombia. In any even, I am sorry you marraige did not work. You are not alone in that respect. So stop reflect, give yourself some "time out" and party as much as you want, but be careful. I wish you the best.

adrimm says on Jul 11, 2005, 15:00:

Agree w PeterMiami "i spend most of the time partying and getting drunk"

Yep...better have a partner who enjoys the same.

Perhaps it was a little too much to handle for him?

IMHO I'm a fairly sedate person and if my SO suddenly turned another face and wound up drunk every night and falling over other women, I'd have to question if we were right for one another.

My distrust stems from my personal experiences from being very drunk. Judgement goes out the window, and I have done some very very foolish things (including hurting someone I care for).

Anyhow I'm glad to hear you have fun (cos that is what it is all about), and survived the trip to tell us about it. You're tough, I'm sure you'll overcome this!

caslug says on Jul 11, 2005, 17:38:

Mrs. G(or should i say MS. G)... you put some us guys to SHAME!!! LOL!!

Partying and getting wasted EVERY NIGHT for FIVE months, that must be a record. You're superwomen, how you have the stamina is beyond me, taking care of your kids during the day, and hitting the club circuit a night for 5 straight months. On this board, I think only ELMO can keep up w/ you. Sound like you had some MAJOR partying to get out of your system, nothing wrong with hard partying, but you can't expect a partner(male/female) to be able to keep up after a week or two. Especially if your husband isn't into that scene or NEVER saw you do party that much back in London.

utopiacowboy says on Jul 11, 2005, 17:57:

Sorry to hear about your split, Mrs. G. Maybe your wild partying scared him a little. I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it if my wife suddenly decided she needed to be out every night getting hammered. OTOH it sounds like he was insecure about your relationship anyway. My wife and I have a pact - if either of us does any thing to make the other feel insecure, we can call him/her on it. Not as a control thing, but sometimes you can do things without knowing how it's making the other person feel.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

bsterling says on Jul 11, 2005, 18:25:

Runaround Woman Can't say I blame your husband for leaving you. You should have sown all your wild oats BEFORE you got married.

Atogob says on Jul 11, 2005, 20:24:

Cali The women from Cali are well know for thier ability to party. Oh and
I felt like crap when I got back from Colombia also...So Desi.. you're single now huh... Hear that guys? ja ja...

Atogob says on Jul 11, 2005, 20:25:

Oh Mrs. Gomez Oh... I meant Mrs. Gomez.
Excuse me.

Miguel says on Jul 11, 2005, 21:34:

Mrs. Gomez Good to have you back.

Albatross says on Jul 12, 2005, 04:09:

Tu Hija ? I assume that's a picture of your daughter... sweet.

She can break my heart anytime.

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

kat1 (Moderator) says on Jul 12, 2005, 04:44:

Two days in a row and I'll be shattered, specially that I hardly drink so I would be just Dancing.
But to go to Colombia with a guy that doesn't want to enjoy and join anything how boring specially that Mrs Gomez haven't seen her family for years and partying in Colombia is way cooler that partying in the UK "is you can call it partying" I would had send him packing too. Sometimes my husband doesn't want to go partying but he won't stop me going, he never stop me going anywhere. I usually go to Colombia on my own with my two kids and he join me just for two weeks sometimes and goes back to the UK.

engage brain before opening mouth

nanis says on Jul 12, 2005, 10:22:

Listen to you guys, you make it out as if i'm sort of wild animal who didn't love her husband and that's far from the truth, yes i love to party and so does he! when we lived in london we used to go out a lot and sometimes i felt really tired from working all day long but he kept telling me that he wanted to go out so I went out clubbing with him just because i didn't want him to feel that i didn't like going out with him. but when we arrived in colombia it waas a different story he became really uptight, controlling me one day he left me with no money for a whole week and i had to borrow money from my family and his reason was that he didn't want me to go out on my own while he was away, after that we stopped going out and spend the first month and a half indoors watching TV and i had no problem with it but when i told him that i was going to visit my old friend from school he went mad and locked me in the house he said that i wasn't allowed to go out on my own and i felt trapped. i tried talking to him many times, begging and ask him him why he had changed so much but he wouldn't have it and would leave talking on my own so you see guys after that i became my old self i wasn't gonna let him boss me around and we decided to split he never gave me a reason why he had changed with me but it had nothing to do with my partying as most of you assume because my partying started after my breakup and not before and as for my daughter well she's my main priority and i would have partied so hard if i knew that i couldn't have handle it and that she wasn't being well looked after.

you guys don't know how sad i feel i miss my husband but i guess he'd done something wrong and didn't have the balls to tell me so that's why he acted the way he did but i also miss my friends and family back in colombia because i have no one here apart from my parents and my friends back in colombia really helped me out when i was feeling down they took me partying and made me forget about my problems for the last 2 months but i'm back to reality now and it has hit me really hard.

p.s bsterling you dont even know me so please stop assuming that my hubby was the good guy here and that i didn't show him who i was until after our wedding if you read my old posts you would know that he knew exactly who i was before i even met him. and to all the other people that have posted me and send me PMs thanks for all your support guys i've missed you too and i guess i'm going to be bothering you all with my posts and now that i'm a free lady and have more time to myself i'm going to make sure that i have some me time more often and to enjoy being a single gal again

caslug says on Jul 12, 2005, 10:30:

Dont worry Ms.G.. now that you're single, you'll have TONS of guys(this board and real life) that'll be lining up behind you to extend their support.

Hubbie locking you in a closet is "wacked"! Cant imagine any sane person would do that...

kat1 (Moderator) says on Jul 12, 2005, 10:33:

Mrs Gomez your PM must be bursting by now jejej.

engage brain before opening mouth

utopiacowboy says on Jul 12, 2005, 10:37:

Mrs. G, have you talked to him? It sounds like he went off the deep end. Can he explain WTF he was doing and why? I agree that you can't stay with a guy who's going to act like that but what happened to him? It sounds like he went a little nuts.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

nanis says on Jul 12, 2005, 10:47:

Utopia your guess it's as good as mine. i tried to sort things out with him but he wouldn't listen to me, that's why i refer to him as having no balls he treated me really bad and he had nothing to say in respect that's what makes me really angry.

elmodefoque says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:05:

hola mrs gomez, guess who's also gonna be single?

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

caslug says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:11:

Elmo.. did your wife.. lock you in a closet too? I would pay money(or at least buy the first round) to see you two party together! LOL!

nanis says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:18:

hey Elmo i've missed you honey!

elmodefoque says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:19:

mrs. G, may i pm your ass? what i gotta ask you is very personal. i always feel the need to ask before i send a pm.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

nanis says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:21:

ok go ahead

elmodefoque says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:30:

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going thru, but between keeping you mind preoccupied, like working, exercising, going out, even sharing you most painful experience and time, things will work out, and you never know, you guys might end up getting together again. I sure will find it hard forgetting about you, shit! I’ll be hitting my head against the wall.
both heads.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

elmodefoque says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:31:

sorry, meant to send this as a pm.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

utopiacowboy says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:45:

I can't believe that, Mrs. G! The guy didn't even want to talk to you about it? All I can say is that guy's said goodbye to the finest piece he'll ever see! It's his loss. Unbelieveable.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

caslug says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:48:

ELMO, keep this tone up.. AND You'll BE losing your rep..

being all nice, sympathic, and polite!

nanis says on Jul 12, 2005, 11:52:

and what's wrong with that? that's a nice change don't you think? elmo's just being his own self sweet talker and a player and what's wrong with that?

Dan says on Jul 12, 2005, 12:03:

Hey it's his loss. Maybe he'll come around to his sense's. with a beautiful young lady such as yourself, he better at least talk it out with you.

When I first met my wife, I thought it was a little odd when she would party around a lot with her friends. It freaked me out a little, mostly because I havn't done that stuff before. I never drank, partied, gone to bars/clubs or anything (I know, I'm boring) She got me into it too and I enjoy it now too, still not to the same point that she does, but I'm working on it.

Take care,
Dan

God Bless America!

Peter Miami says on Jul 12, 2005, 12:50:

Mrs. Gomez most of the guys here are just kissing your ass. I saw your picture and you are a fine but I will tell you how it is. First of all I can not see this guy just change 180 degrees in one month could he have change from when you first met him probably. Was it in a bad way probably. You should have been looking for signs and I believe in every story there are two side, you are Mrs. perfect and he is the worst guy in the world you should have been able to see this. I hope you start looking at the guys you go out with and that they would like to do the things that you want and for you to do the things that they want.

Good luck,

Peter Miami

caulfield2 says on Jul 12, 2005, 13:38:

I'm sure curious, Ms. Gomez, was this "old friend" a guy, and a former boyfriend, because I'm assuming yes the way you phrased it...or I can't imagine you going out with a girlfriend freaking him out. Why was he so insecure? What would cause him to react that way? Of course, it's easier to see this in black-and-white and think he had some kind of "mental breakdown" or psychotic episode, but that doesn't sound realistic either. Obviously, he was upset with you and attempting to control your behavior, that much IS clear.

It seems to me maybe you were bored with your life and were in a routine or rut, but then went overboard trying to make up for lost time and get it all out of your system at once...unfortunately, reality or life intrudes and we have to go back to some sense of "reality" and perhaps your husband just got bored with clubbing, or maybe you got bored with his "boringness" (wanting to stay in and watch movies or t.v.) and wanted to have your former life back.

bsterling says on Jul 12, 2005, 13:42:

Crazy And Wild I apologize if I read your original post wrong. I thought it said something to the effect that your were crazy and wild and then your husband left you.

nanis says on Jul 12, 2005, 13:55:

well i think he begun changing when his dad wouldn't lend him some money for his visa even though his dad's rich and i was really angry with his parents because of they way they treat him, we never asked them for shit and the only time we needed their help they said no and that wasn't the only time either there were more episodes but i'm not gonna go into that so i said to him i don't want nothing to do with your parents and he went mad i was only looking out for him i felt angry for the way they kept treating him but then i found out that they were doing it because they didn't aprove of us they never had but they kept pretending like they liked me. my husband was fustrated about me not talking to his family while we where in colombia but the thing is he too was mad at them. anyway one day he decided to pack all his staff and left telling me that he didn't know when he would come back and that he needed to spend time with his parents before we came back to london and i thought nothing of it, so he went to manizales and left me on my own in the time he was there he partied like crazy something that he had never done with me in Cali but he expected me to stay at home, on my birthday my friends threw a birthday bash and we all went to juanchito he knew this because i told him and when i went home he was waiting for me there took all my money and left again "he didn't want me to go out on my own anyhwere whislt he wasn't there" that was his reason! i don't know but something tells me there was more to it than i thought

p.s my friends were all from school not an ex-boyfriend or anything like that so i do not know why he felt so insecure... you know what there's a saying that goes like this.. "El que la debe la teme" (if he had cheated on me in Colombia and i never knew what was going on then he felt scared that i might find out and do the same may be that's why he wanted to keep me indoors at all times) it's ridiculous and now that he's baxk in miami i've tried to contact him 100 of times and sent him messages but he hasn't written back so i guess this is it. shame because i love him so much and it really hurts but i'm not gonna waste my time waiting for him life's too short to wasted that way

utopiacowboy says on Jul 12, 2005, 14:24:

Peter Miami, we would all like the opportunity to kiss her fine ass, yes indeed. Are you going to get in line or are you going to pass it up?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

maleorange says on Jul 12, 2005, 15:38:

TO Mrs Gomez TO be honest in some ways you remind me of my colombian wife. She can turn nasty at the drop of a hat. Firstly you decided not to talk to your husbands parents, you gave the reason that they did not help him and did not approve of him being your husband. A mature person would have said well I can see two insecure parents that feel very unsure and fear for his future. Why respond to fear and insecurity of others. You have a daughter and a husband but you allowed your emotions to control you, instead of being human, in effect you allowed your husbands parents to make you go to a lower level. Also your husband could not accept your drunk wild behaviour because when you are drunk you are not in control so he was right to do that, he grounded you because he knew that you were no longer the person you were while in London. I do feel i am picking up a high level of immaturity in you. Basically you ended your marriage because you wanted to go partying all the time. Let me tell you that the world of night clubs and partying leads to absolutely nothing. It is purely superficial and that is what you need to learn. IT is now time to be mature and apologise to your husband, for you and your daughters sake

utopiacowboy says on Jul 12, 2005, 15:42:

Isn't there some rancid meat for you lying around somewhere, Londonmale? I'm sure someone's left something out for you to eat that's gone bad. You know how those Colombians are with their food handling practices.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

maleorange says on Jul 12, 2005, 15:50:

to utopian all you are constantly doing is kissing mrs gomez's back side all the time.

maleorange says on Jul 12, 2005, 15:55:

to mrs gomez look how superficially people are talking you lost your husband and your daughter probably feels terrible inside and all people can say is how good you look in your photo and how much they fancy you. That is madness

caulfield2 says on Jul 12, 2005, 16:15:

Yes, that's true on other message boards, that the women are treated preferentially, it's the "lay of the land." In fact, there's a woman on one that is so bitchy but everyone defends her because of her "straight shooting" and "honesty" when they would try to drive a male like that off the board.

Oh, well.

I'm not saying Mrs. Gomez is comparable, only that...well, I have/had a wife from another country, my mother was not always supportive (might have something to do with the fact that I left for this country in the first place without telling her, as I knew what she'd say, lol)...HOWEVER...there are always issues with in-laws, and that's where I don't know how you can say you love someone and then let them go so easily simultaneously.

The reason they're skeptical is probably a situation exactly like this...you have to fight for the person you love, they're always going to do things you don't like, but those are the moments that test a relationship, and, when you overcome them, your relationship is all the more stronger.

I don't agree with parents using economic leverage (or husbands not sharing financial accountability, where they don't trust their spouse enough to the point where they can just "take everything away" out of vengeance...but there has to be more to it.

Maybe you acted like this because you really wanted to get out of the relationship, you felt trapped and you knew that this would set him off...but now he's the "bad guy," not you?

As far as the parents go, you knew that they had high expectations for their son and who he married....wouldn't it have been possible for you to try even harder to build a relationship with them, even though your husband was frustrated with their attitude towards you? In other words, don't just give up, do something unexpected, show them you are capable of forgiveness and that your marriage is really important to you, instead of "mutually assured destruction" of getting mad at each other and storming off in different directions like little kids who take the "pelota/valon" away and go home. Now his parents are RIGHT (in their minds), their opinion of you was lower and now it has been confirmed, la verdad? Kind of like the United States and Russia launching 1,000 nuclear bombs at each other...neither side can win in such a case.

Visas aren't so expensive...if you could prove your marriage would be successful WITHOUT asking for their financial assistance, wouldn't they respect you more? It sounds like you assumed THEY WOULD help when you married him, because, according to your thinking, since they're rich, they SHOULD help, right? Are you more offended they didn't help him or because they didn't help him, justifying it because their son was with a woman they didn't approve of?

And why wasn't your husband doing something with you on your birthday? What came first, this big "group party" thrown by your friends...or did he want to do something only with you, then he got angry you selected partying with your friends over spending time alone with him?

caulfield2 says on Jul 12, 2005, 16:37:

This is what my wife looks like, www.irina.s5.com, and my mom in Iowa STILL wasn't happy with her, lol. My wife doesn't event like to go visit her anymore. But it has never affected our relationship in the least.

In fact, my mom was MORE skeptical because she was "too" good looking, lol. She brought with her a really nice "welcoming" gift(from Russia, handmade dolls) and that barely dented my mom's cold exterior.

tomtom33 says on Jul 12, 2005, 16:44:

caulfield2 Muchas gracias for sharing. There is nothing like that in Iowa.

Crazy4Cali says on Jul 12, 2005, 17:18:

I don't know why... ...all these people who find themselves capable of marriage (or divorce) counseling by reading the minds of other people through a message board aren't applying their amazingly clairvoyant powers in more lucrative and profitable directions.

I mean, if they can tell where Mrs. Gomez went wrong in her marriage and what she needs to do to improve her life, simply be reading a couple of internet postings, think of the fortune they could make by reading stock market reports!

Regardless of who's at "fault," (if anyone) it still sucks to have someone leave without so much as saying good-bye. It takes me about a week or two to recover from a trip to Latin America. The lifestyle, the climate, the people, all make coming back to dreary old Seattle a big-time downer. And that's without the break-up on top of that (though I did have one of those kind of trips a while ago).

The last thing Mrs. Gomez (or anyone else in such a position) needs is advice or a bunch of people (who don't even know her) pointing out all her errors. If she's still reading this thread after all the "helpful" posts above, I hope she has the chance to regroup and recover as quickly as possible. Support from family and friends is what she needs.

Peter Miami says on Jul 12, 2005, 17:33:

Maleorange & caulfield2 You guys are right on you definitely read between her lines.

Peter Miami says on Jul 12, 2005, 17:36:

UC I have balls I speak the truth when it must be spoken. If you feel the need to always be kissing ass then that is up to you but it is not very credible what spews from your mouth.

Peter Miami

caulfield2 says on Jul 12, 2005, 18:10:

Mr. Cali,

Respectfully, it's my opinion that she wouldn't have posted this information if she didn't feel a need for her decisions to be affirmed or supported. Yes, she is hurting, but I think she is looking for others to justify her actions. As has been pointed out by many here, there are two sides to every story, and, of course, we don't know 95% of the information that is germane to the situation.

However, I don't think you do anyone a favor by agreeing 100% with a person's actions just to "be a friend," in fact, I think you owe it to tell them things that might be hard or difficult to hear, in the hopes of helping them to make sense of a situation and see it from a new or different perspective.

Sometimes it's a lot easier to share these things with "strangers" than it is to let down your guard and share a "failure" with someone close to you. Of course, over time, I'm sure Mrs. Gomez will have to tell her family, friends and relatives about what happened...I just don't think you should give up a marriage unless you've done everything possible to save it, call me a hopeless romantic.

You can jump on me if you want, I'm leaving my wife for a year alone in the United States before she comes to join me in Colombia. Say whatever you want, I can take it, and I'm sure Mrs. Gomez would rather people tried to help in the best way they saw fit to rather than just toeing the company line of everything a Colombiana does is fine with them.

Tinto (Moderator) says on Jul 12, 2005, 18:10:

Good point I think they shut "Miss Cleo" and Philip Michael Thomas (the other half of Miami Vice) down for fraud. Time for some new entrants in the clairvoyant field!

Sylvie says on Jul 12, 2005, 18:55:

..... If someone posts their personal problems on an internet forum with little facts it is inevitable that someone will pass judgment so don't take it personally. Plus bsterling passed judgment on your original statement.

You clearly wrote...and I QUOTE "me being my own self a little crazy and a bit wild well it didn't pay off because my husband left me and went to live in miami on his own and i had to come back to london on my own."

So which is it?.... your drunken partying and hanging out in bars made your husband leave OR was your husband treating you badly the reason for your crazy lifestyle?

If what you say about your husband is true then I suggest that you not be upset that some guy who treated you like an animal has left you. Why would you want to be treated like a piece of shit? Are you a masochist?

Crazy4Cali says on Jul 12, 2005, 19:30:

I don't think I agreed with her actions nor did I disagree, but it really doesn't matter who's right or who's wrong. Usually it's some combination of the two, so there's often no easy finger to point, for however tempting that may be.

Bottom line: it sucks and it hurts. And self-righteous assignments of blame really don't help anyone, regardless of how accurate they may be.

utopiacowboy says on Jul 12, 2005, 21:33:

You may think it's the truth, Peter Miami, but I asked the other guys at conditioning training what they thought and they'd all like the chance to kiss her ass. Not many chicks like her at our school, that's for sure.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Peter Miami says on Jul 13, 2005, 08:39:

UC - Miami Hey just come down too Miami and I will get you all you want and how many you want or let's go to Colombian there are a lot more a lot hotter than her.

caulfield2 says on Jul 13, 2005, 09:14:

The problem is that 1) aren't Supply and demand, supply and demand.

The problem is that 1) aren't the South Beach types all pretty much "high maintenance" or 2) not ready to settle down, enjoying the late-nite, party/beach lifestyle too much?

I'm going to Cali next Thursday for a week and someone sent me a personal ad and "response" from one of these girls(http://www.caliescali.com/modelos_anteriores.php?page=1) but luckily I have enough sense to avoid the problems that attempting to date such a woman would bring me AT ALL COSTS, lol.

nanis says on Jul 13, 2005, 10:21:

oh guys i don't know whether to laugh or to cry, thanks for going to all this trouble and thanks to utopia for being a good sport even though my life is a mess at the moment there are people like him who can still make me smile. I knew people might think that i'm a loser for posting my life on this forum but i don't like talking about my life with people that I know because I have a huge ego and I don’t like bursting into tears in front of somebody, i rather not bother people with my problems and pretend like nothing’s happened, but everybody needs to get things off their chest some way or another and i prefer doing it with complete estrangers who don't know me and therefore can't hurt me with what they've got to say. and i also know that there are people out there who don't think as me and with a mind of their own who might not agree with me or with the way I am and that's fair enough. I really hear you all and yeah i might have been an idiot for letting my so called parents in law to ruin my vacation but I tried and tried and they kept letting us down and i'm not just talking about the money issues because we didn't need anybody's money to support ourselves but it was more to do with the fact that they kept controlling their son into leaving me and finding a lovely american girl, my husband had to leave miami and come to london to leave with me without their full support and he was really hurt by the fact that everytime i tried speaking to them and that they never listen to what i had to say they were really cruel sometimes but i kept my mouth shut because i didn't want this to ruin my relationship but it did, i am not blaming anybody here for my breakup they just didn't like me because of my past and my husband felt frustrated because he could do nothing to solve this.

most of you assume that my partying was the problem and that it was the reason for my husband leaving me but that's far from the truth. I started going out after he decided to leave me and go away without telling me where he was or if he was coming back. I then found out that he was in manizales with his parents so i went there and tried to have a nice time with them even though i knew how they felt about me but i tried everything in my power to get my hubby back the funniest thing is that the very next day my father in law chose to speak to me at the center of manizales in front of everyone and told me that my husband didn't want to be with me no more and my husband just stood there listening to everything his father told me and he didn't say a word, my parents where fuming because they knew the whole truth and how he treated me, on my way back from manizales to cali i was devastated all i did was cry i even left my handbag in a taxi with my cedula, passports and wedding ring inside yeah i did take it off because i was really angry with my husband who was partying with his cousins in manizales while i was in cali with no money. i cried too much but i wasn't gonna let that ruin the time that i had left with my family and friends. I think that he was the one who felt trapped and that made him run as fast as he did. the day before our departure i phoned him to remind him about our flight to London the next day and his mother told me that he had left and was already in miami. the next day I had to come back home with our little daughter and i don't think that any of you can imagine how hard that was, 6 suitcases my 4 year old daughter and 3 planes later i arrived in london tired, depressed and with no money ever since i've been trying to contact him but he hasn't written back. so I'm just gonna get on with my life as a single mother, I've some nasty experiences in the past but none of that made me loose my mind and i'm not gonna loose my mind over this either. i'll just try being the same old me. And I’m sorry for bothering you guys and thanks for all your comments it's nice to hear other people's opinions even if they are not nice ones, I promise not to post anything about my private life in the future.

Nuvem8 says on Jul 13, 2005, 10:42:

Sorry to hear about your Husband I am sorry to hear about what happenned with you and your husband. It seems to me, reading your post, that he is a coward. I do not know of a husband that would let anyone talk to their wife like your father in-law talked to you. When I was married, my parents didn't like my wife too much and let her know about it. When I found out later I went over to my parent's house and told them off. After that I didnt talk to my parents for a while. But I think when you are married, your wife should by number 1. I hope you feel better soon.

Lou

caulfield2 says on Jul 13, 2005, 10:43:

I apologize if I have said anything that may have been hurtful.

All I know is that if I had a child, I could never live with myself for not doing my best to take care of that child, even if I wanted to kill the mother.

That's just basic human decency. This guy needs to get some cojones and stick up for himself and not let his family run his life for him. I know how that works, I'm a spoiled only child, but my parents always told me to do whatever makes you happy, and that if I was happy, they would be happy for me. Doesn't sound like his parents ever supported your relationship, which is unfortunate.

Peter Miami says on Jul 13, 2005, 10:56:

caulfield2 That is exactly the problem with women in Miami / South Beach beautiful, great bodies, dress great, dance great, great in bed but when it comes to marring not good at all that is why I have not gotten married just have fun with them. Gold digging to the max! This is why I go a lot to Colombia the women there and in most South and Central American are more real. If I get married it will not be anyone in the U.S. Women liberation is great but they have taken it to a new level her in the U.S. But since UC does not have many or good looking women where he is at I invited him here, like that he does not have to kiss Mrs Gomez ass all the time just part of it. :-)

Peter Miami

maleorange says on Jul 13, 2005, 14:03:

to gomez you told me how much you loved your husband before you went to colombia. I think he would say the same about you. The big Q is what went wrong in the space of a few months. I think it is a lot of small things that became big in both of your minds. I also think that it can be mended easily over a period of time. There did not seem to be any major reasons for this break up, just small superficial ones that is why i cant understand what went wrong. I think your hubbys mind and yours became fixed and locked on certain beliefs about each other and many of the beliefs you both had were in fact false. Many people have flase beliefs about people and it does so much harm. Amongst all the thoughts and propoganda, Seek the truth now in him and you

BlondeJamesBond says on Jul 14, 2005, 03:44:

Maleorange Kerry/Londonmale

You are the biggest prat going, did you pluck this piece of advice from the most relevant agony aunt column you could find? You muppet

I also see YOU tried to give Mrs G a lecture on maturity!?!?!? YOU of all people giving advice on maturity! Words cannot describe my disbelief at the situation! The pot calling the kettle really doesn't do it!



MRS G - good to 'see' you back around here.

Lostgringo says on Aug 1, 2005, 23:46:

Not an ass kisser I don't mean to offend or attack but I just have to say my piece. I also do not think she deserves to have her ass kissed. I also believe that she posted here for reason. Affirmation. Furthermore, it does not take a brain scientist to realize that something went on more than was described (IMHO). It seems like much effort and money was put into this vacation. I also get the feeling that the money you had in Colombia was your husband's. Was this a joint venture vacation where you both put in 50%? Correct me if I am wrong please. I guess I could make jokes about this as some have. However, I agree with other posts who aptly point out that perhaps your conduct was not appropriate. Or that you had a hidden agenda. Which also begs the question, just how much of a partyer you were before you got married, and why in hell wouldn't you want to put all of that behind you. You did say you had a daughter didn't you?

One other thing I found interesting is that you were unable to find a way to communicate with your husband's parents. I think that it is so important for spouses to get along with their in-laws. Do you feel that you made every effort to be friends with them? What really was it that turned them off you?

From what you say it is too late now. Where is the child? Does the father get to see his child? Perhaps, in retrospect, your Holiday in Hell could have been a Romantic Holiday in Colombia, if you could have paid more attention to your husband and his family instead of gearing up for your drunken parties. What appears to have happened here is that you chose your friends, alcohol and dancing over your husband. Yes, I know it "all happened" after he left. But come on, don't tell us that your friends were not around somehow tryig to talk you into going out and partying. You were biting at the bit to party and you know it lol.

Unfortunately, what you did is prove to his parents what kind of woman you really are. You will never get this man back in your life.

Sorry to be a hardliner here but I do believe the facts speak for themselves...Just my very humble opinion.

PS " a good marriage takes much work and sacrifice"

Your Home Away from Home:http://www.welovebogota.com http://www.apartmentinbogota.com "Luxury apartment and rooms Cheap" Only 2 blocks from the American Embassy!

Chantal says on Aug 2, 2005, 04:31:

You, too... I went to Colombia (Armenia) for 24 days this summer, and trust me I did not want to leave. I still get those pangs in my chest when I remember I won't be able to see any of my friends for another year... random crying seems to be normal for me as well.

I got insanely attached to the country and the people I met; and I haven't even seen that much of the country or been in it for that long.