Who's Your Daddy now?

Man Tequila says on Aug 4, 2007, 15:33:

In Canada, and probably the US, Mom and Dad would often be used.

Fox News, as always, puts it best -- http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,276465,00.html
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There’s a moment in the movie “Analyze This� when Billy Crystal's character asks his soon-to-be father-in-law if he can call him by his first name and he replies: “My friends call me Captain.�

The look on Crystal’s face captures perhaps everything a prospective son- or daughter-in-law feels when facing this crisis.

What do you call your new in-laws? Mom? Dad? Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So? Captain? And why does it feel like the rules are changing?

Traditionally, "Mom" and "Dad" were what you called your new parents-in-law. This was determined through solid scientific research; I asked my parents.

My mother — marrying at the age of 23 into a predominantly Italian family in 1967 — called my paternal grandparents mom and dad, though even for her generation it did take some adjustment.

“In the very beginning it was awkward. [At first] I called her nothing. I didn’t say ‘Mrs. Altiere.’ I would just say ‘Hi, how are you doing?’� my mom said.

My parents dated for a mere six weeks before becoming engaged, so even when married five months later, my grandmother still was a virtual stranger. And yet the "mom" title didn’t take long to emerge.

“It was just what you did,� said my father, 68, who called my maternal grandparents mom and dad immediately upon being married — a fact that raises certain questions. If you are going to start calling the in-laws mom and dad, when do you start? When is it appropriate to phase out the formal and enter the familial?

Leah Shifrin Averick, a Chicago-based therapist and author of the book “Don’t Call Me Mom: How to Improve Your In-law Relationships,� says there really is no right answer.

“It’s important to take the initiative and do what’s comfortable for you,� she said. “There’s no consistency — it’s always awkward at first.�

The issue of in-law addressing goes to the very core of child psychology, Averick said.

“The most precious words in any language to a child are mommy, daddy, mom, pop, etc. Some people may feel it’s disloyal to their own parent to call someone else mommy and daddy," she explained.

“It can be hard when a parent is lost or it can be hard when you’re particularly close to your parents — or when you’re particularly not close. It’s a very complex issue with no right answer."

And it’s not just the "kids" who might feel strange about using such treasured names for their in-laws.

“For parents to hear someone else be referred to as mom and dad is uncomfortable — there might be a bit of jealously there, too," Averick said.

On the opposite side of the spectrum are the new in-laws who have no interest in being addressed so intimately. Averick says one woman she interviewed had an attitude like, “I have enough children, I don’t want [my daughter-in-law] to call me mom.�

But that doesn't mean she doesn't care for her daughter-in-law.

“How you feel about [your children-in-law] does not reflect what you call them, and what you call them does not necessarily reflect what you feel about them," Averick said.

New York City resident Kristin, 31, said she was surprised and a little bit hurt when she asked her mother-in-law if she could call her mom and she said, "No, call me by my first name."

"I just assumed you called them mom and dad because that's what my parents did. My husband said I was a dork for asking," she said.

More scientific research: My brother-in-law, 29, who married into a Japanese family, had two weddings — one in Japan and one in America, and he decided to start calling his mother-in-law mom between the two.

When his mother-in-law’s flight arrived from Japan, he “hugged her and called her okasan.� Why? "To create that sense of family. It wasn’t just out of respect — I didn’t think about that. I guess it was more emotional," he said.

He hasn’t yet started calling his father-in-law dad, though he can’t put his finger on why. On the other hand, his wife, Yukiko, 25, has very specific names for his parents and very specific reasons for using them.

“I feel awkward to say just the first name,� she said. “That’s why I say ‘Bob-san’ and ‘Bonnie-san.’ I want to be polite.� She explains that in Japan, ‘san’ is an affix affirming respect.

The question of respect can be very much a part of the issue of in-law addressing — particularly in more traditional cultures.

During her research, Averick conducted her own interview with a Japanese man, asking him what he likes about his daughter-in-law.

“He said, ‘She’s very respectful. She doesn’t call us Mr. and Mrs., she doesn’t call us by our first names, she calls us mom and dad.'"

This issue is nothing new. The question of what to call the in-laws exists in even the most primitive cultures. James George Frazer, the social anthropologist of the late 19th century, talked about it in the seminal exploration of ancient cults, rites and myths, "The Golden Bough."

According to Frazer, for the New Guinean dyaks it was a curse, a serious taboo to pronounce the first names of their in-laws.

Different cultures have different ways of dealing with this issue of how to be familiar without sacrificing respect.

There’s a tradition in the American South of taking a person’s first name and adding Miss or Mister to it, as in Miss Abby or Mister John. This accomplishes two things: It avoids the too-familiar first-name basis, while at the same time suggests a certain intimacy that “Mr. Surname� and “Mrs. Surname� doesn't. One might call it the First-Name Basis Formal Tense.

Other social segments have their own approaches. New York City resident Weston Almond, 35, who spent his youth attending society functions and debutante balls, says his mother wanted his wife to call her mummy (she also wants her grandson to call her mimsie).

According to Averick, the best way to address the issue of what to call the in-laws is just to confront it head-on. She gives credit to her first daughter-in-law, who simplified the issue by just asking her what she would like to be called.

Duh. Why didn't you think of that?

pues se me antoja que sus cantares son de una tierra desconocida, y yo le dije si a usted le inspira, saber la tierra de donde soy... con mucho gusto y a mucho honor...

vicshere says on Aug 4, 2007, 15:38:

I was going to say that to MT in Canada -----Canadians use that form--but immigrate families don't

listo

Man Tequila says on Aug 4, 2007, 15:40:

I'm sure your right, vic, but it would probably depend on the country of emigration.

pues se me antoja que sus cantares son de una tierra desconocida, y yo le dije si a usted le inspira, saber la tierra de donde soy... con mucho gusto y a mucho honor...

jaramillo says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:00:

I'd like to hear from other Colombians, but in Antioquia it was never, ever, used. The standard was Don José or Doña Josefa. Only more recently have the newer generations started to use the first name, but it is considered a bit confianzudo by some. "Mom" and "Dad", Never. But who the hell knows! The low estratos now call themselves Estiven y Leidi. They might used Dad, for all i know.

vicshere says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:05:

MT very possible...coming from an immigrate family I didn't know anyone who used that from...but my Canadians friends did use it...and I did notice it on TV a lot to

listo

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:05:

That has also been my experience from Colombia, jaramillo. My in-laws would've been shocked if I had called them anything else than Doña "Josefa" and Don "José". My mother-in-law would have said something like please show a little respect, I'm not your mama.

Anybody from Mexico here? Gabolicious? I'm really curious!

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Gator says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:22:

Me, too, Desi

"Brevior Sltare Cum Deformibus Mulieribus Est Vita!" .

Portena says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:24:

I lived in the Southern USA for a few years and the Dallas TV show was the only situation in which I observed anyone calling an in-law Miss or Mr anything (as in Miss Ellie). I think that is the Hollywood version of the South. : ) It seems equally acceptable to call in-laws by first names versus addressing them as Mom or Dad, but there is probably a closer, more congenial relationship when Mom and Dad are used, and a more formal and distant relationship when first names are used.

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

Philly says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:46:

Suegro or Suegra is used for father and mother-in-law in Colombia

Simon says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:48:

In the Atlantic coast of Colombia, instead of calling the In-laws, 'Don' or 'Doña X', they call them 'Señor' or 'Señora X'.

"You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."---Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

Portena says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:51:

I traveled all over the South, but spent most of my time in Northern Florida, Atlanta, and Northern Virginia (yankeefied areas) so maybe it is different in states like Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas.

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:32:

Ok, so this far, in-laws are often called "Mom" and "Dad" in USA and in Canada, but not in Latin America. Why would a Mexican small-town girl call her US father-in-law Dad? Because in Mexico they do that?

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

critter says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:43:

She probably is doing it to make him feel comfortable with her. After all, he's an American and it is an American custom. She also is most likely acutely aware that most Americans are ignorant (they ignore the facts) when it comes to recognizing and respecting cultural differences in "tradiciones y costumbres."

"Spending eternity in a bad place is a long time!"

Man Tequila says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:45:

Maybe she just asked father-in-law what he wanted to be called?

pues se me antoja que sus cantares son de una tierra desconocida, y yo le dije si a usted le inspira, saber la tierra de donde soy... con mucho gusto y a mucho honor...

critter says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:48:

Good point, MT!

"Spending eternity in a bad place is a long time!"

Miguel_Clavo says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:48:

desi...i was married into a mexican family, and half my family is from mexico.....i called my motherinlaw "mom" when i spoke to her in english, and my ex-wife called both my parents "mom" and "dad"....it is spoken with respect and with affection......this was considered normal salutations in our families......

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:59:

Yes, I understand it's for respect and affection and to make the daughter-in-law /son-in-law feel like she/he really has another family of her/his own. So, would it be safe to assume that Mexico has adopted the North American (Gringo) custom to cal the in-laws "Mom" and "Dad" while the rest of Latin America (including Colombia) has not?

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Miguel_Clavo says on Aug 4, 2007, 18:19:

well, i can only speak from a point of view of an immigrant family from Mexico...my inlaws family were from Tuscon Arizona and had arrived to the Southwest US from Mexico before my family did......and i think for the 2nd generation of immigrants, there would be more of an American influence...especially with family greetings...With regards to the usage in say, Mexico City, Gabo would probably be the best person to comment.....

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

Tinto (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 18:41:

The "Mom" and "Dad" thing for mother-in-law and father-in-law is nowhere close to universal in the U.S., though. It's not used in my family or in the families of a number of friends and acquaintances. I don't like it and I'm not going to use it. The one that's really strange (and a little creepy) is when men over a certain age begin calling their wives "Mom."

Man Tequila says on Aug 4, 2007, 18:42:

"Old lady" (for your wife) also really fails to add that touch of class.

pues se me antoja que sus cantares son de una tierra desconocida, y yo le dije si a usted le inspira, saber la tierra de donde soy... con mucho gusto y a mucho honor...

critter says on Aug 4, 2007, 18:52:

Dads only call their wifes "mom" to (in front of) their children...and perhaps when they aren't around once in a while (just out of habit). However, if married couple didn't have any children, then agreed! There is something not quite right...(unless, of course they're from WV)

"Spending eternity in a bad place is a long time!"

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 18:59:

I don't especially like it either, tinto. I think it's borderline creepy. However, I can't see myself antagonizing my brother over it , but i'm happy to know that it is not universal. I know my brother and his wife ( from upstate new york, but raised up in Florida) see it as a warm and cozy thing and yet I don't see the point, but I know it's because we here in Sweden are...well, how did he put it....secular progressives? (Does that mean ungodly commies?)

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Tinto (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:01:

Well, if your brother has gotten used to the Utah culture, yep, secular progressive is pretty much equivalent to Godless Commie. Haha.

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:05:

See what I have had to deal with on my summer vacation! No wonder I'm totally exhausted.
According to him we're not just godless commies but also gay. And then we got into a major discussion about Hugo Chavez.

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Tinto (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:09:

I just about choked on a grape while reading the "gay" comment. I can just imagine how that conversation went. Haha. Sounds like your brother enjoys giving you a hard time. That, or he listens too much to Orrin Hatch and the nut cases on certain talk radio programs.

jaramillo says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:14:

That's funny tinto. But how about calling one's wife (or girlfriend) mami or mamita (or papi or papito for women), sometimes even in the heat of sex? Quite common in Colombia. Go figure. A little too incestous for me :) Thoughts of mon or dad are the best anti-aphrodisiac.

Miguel_Clavo says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:30:

How about this one.....i wish i had a dime for every time i heard the Mexican mother call her daughter "mama", "mommy" or "mommies" in addition to mija, mijita.....talk about confusing.....the father doesnt call his son "dada", "daddy" or "daddies"......sounds dysfunctional, but i dont know a mexican family who does not call the daughters that way....??

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:37:

Well, "mami", "mamita" "hijita" "mijita" sounds just fine....that's how the daughters are called in colombia too.Bu I do agree...calling your wife "Mum" or you daughter little mama is just a tad creepy.

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Robert Jorge says on Aug 4, 2007, 21:23:

My father in law (Colombian) calls me hijo. I never refered to him as dad (papa) though. I call my mother in law mami. I would feel wierd calling her anything else, and she never gave me a clue that it wasn't the correct thing to say. Now, my wife's, sister's fiance refers to her as Dona Rosa.

goin_south says on Aug 4, 2007, 21:29:

""To us calling in-laws Dad or Mum sounds very weird, to say the very least...."" Desi, I'm wondering who is 'us'? you...from ? Finland? somewhere up there near the North Pole...and/or... are you considerin yourself....in this context, UNA CALENA? QUE?

JORGE... maybe you should (jus for fun!) call your mommi-in-law "Zona Rosa', just once and si what sort of response you get! lloll!

why can't the freakin Chung King Chinese just LEAVE THE FREAKN DOLLY LLAMA and Tibet ... ALONE!

Robert Jorge says on Aug 4, 2007, 23:01:

Dona Rosa, quires vamos por zona rosa? I aint' calling her zona rosa. I have seen her skills with a shoe first hand. Her grandson would sometimes be so terrible, that she would finally whip the shoe off her foot and pound that little bastard. It's funny; in Colombia, women go for the shoe when disciplining a child. Men go for the belt when getting into a fist-fight.

Dan says on Aug 4, 2007, 23:27:

my mom went for the shoe too... the closest thing within reach most of the time.

God Bless America!

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 5, 2007, 03:59:

Tinto,
yes, we have very interesting conversations, my brother and me. He's pretty far right and he loves to pick on me. ("You're out of your fucking mind" "I can't be out of my fucking mind because I don't have a fucking mind. I have just a regular mind, You have a fucking mind." " Ladies don't talk like that" "Oh, do you talk like that to ladies?" "You're not a lady, you're my sister" "Right. I'm a b i t c h. Now, step back.!"
Silence.) We love each other dearly.

(I may have to delete this comment for vulgar language haha)

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 5, 2007, 04:07:

Goin_south, no, I was not talking about myself as a "Caleña" but about us people in these parts of the world, the Scandinavian peninsula and Finland. It would sound very strange to us if in-laws wanted to be called Mum and Dad by their children's spouses. They are called just by their first names here.

Robert Jorge, my mother-in-law would, occasionally, address me as "Mija" but she could use that word pretty losely to refer to any familiar woman, a friend or relative. They always called me by my first name, the same their other daughters-in-law. They expected to be addressed as Don Fulano and Doña Zutana at all times and did not use tu/vos ever to address each other or any person in in the family, just Usted.

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Cerealkiller says on Aug 5, 2007, 04:23:

I have always found that quite odd. My bf called my mother "mom" once and she almost pulled a Condorito PLOP... I would never call his parents mom and dad, Ive already got my own set of parents and no-one deserves those names except for them. I dont call them anything...Thats odd, I have never really heard anyone refer to the in laws as mom and dad outside the US...

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:09:

I have always called my mother in law "suegra" or "suegrita" and she seems to like it, she know's how confiansuda I am jejejeje but not to the point of calling her mum (mom) I wouldn't go that far...it would feel very silly...

As for a man calling his wife or g/f mami or mamasita etc that's normal I don't take it like he is calling me after his mum....it's a completely different context.

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:16:

Hi Desi!

I read that your sister-in-law is from Magdalena (I suppose she is from Magdalena de las Salinas) which is a small town in Sonora, a borderline state, if so, I can tell you that all the northern states in Mexico are very used to those american customs. Considering this I would say that that must be very common among people in the north of Mexico. However, central and south Mexican states that is not that common. You will call your father-in-law "suegro" and your mother-in-law "suegra". But as Roberto mentioned before they can call you "hija" or "hijo". When referring to them les tenés que hablar de "usted" muy rara vez de "tu"... a typical conversation would be:
- ya llegamos suegra, le ayudo en algo?
- no mija así está bien.

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

Gomezman5 says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:19:

Here in the US......it goes just like this......

If you love your in laws, (both or any one of them) you call them dad/mom

If you really don't care for them, or you are neutral, you would never call them dad/mom

If you don't feel much either way, you call them by their first name

In general....that is the way it is. As to Colombia, honestly.....I really don't know, and many others on here would know more than myself.

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:25:

My mom also calls my granny "Doña" and some of my friends in Colombia refer to them using their name "Pedro" or "Mary" y les hablan de "tu" no de "usted"

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

Man Tequila says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:25:

That's ridiculous. Lots of people call their in-laws by their first name since the in-laws request that. Lots of people who do not like their parents still call them dad and mom.

pues se me antoja que sus cantares son de una tierra desconocida, y yo le dije si a usted le inspira, saber la tierra de donde soy... con mucho gusto y a mucho honor...

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:25:

My mom also calls my granny "Doña" and some of my friends in Colombia refer to them using their name "Pedro" or "Mary" y les hablan de "tu" no de "usted"

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:32:

Quiubo Gabito!
I talk to my suegros as Usted but each family has their own customs, depends on how close you are and how relaxed too..

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:37:

que mas Monita?

Yeah!! you are right!!! If a marry to a Colombian girl I would probably refer to my in-laws as "Don" or "Doña", marrying to a mexican or argentian girl would be "suegro" or "suegra"... todo esto es muy enriquecedor cuando hablamos de cosas culturales... muy enriquecedor....

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:40:

If married to an american girl would you call the suegros "Mom" and "Dad"? I couldn't...

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:46:

wow to be honest... I don't think I could, I am very used to latinamerican customs rather than american... no I don't think so... cause for me that would mean like somebody else is trying to substitute my parents (yeah I know silly thought... but I would feel that way)... for me, there are some other ways to call them (as latinamerican) like you said "suegrita" or "suegro" or "Don" or "Doña" the last two to show my respect and "love" to them...

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:48:

my ex-girlfriends called my mom "suegrita" "suegra" or "señora", the latter used by my colombian ex-girlfriends also they used "doña".

Mexicans and argentinians used suegra or señora. and they called my father "señor" instead of "suegro"

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:51:

I think it's nice when girlfriends call the boyfriends mum "suegra" but the relationship would be a serious one I imagine....

Y que dicen las paisitas gabo :-)) jejeje mentiras couldn't resist it...

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:57:

"suegra" is used either you have a serious relationship (meaning engagement) or just a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship no engagement involved... but what I can tell you is that when the relationship turns more serious wow mother and girlfriend are "watching" your moves all the time jajajajajajajajaja you are being watched by your mom and your girlfriend at the same time!!!! jajajajajajaja

jejejejejeje pues ahí vamos Monita linda con esta paisita tan hermosa, pero un poco preocupado por ella... te platico luego vale?

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:02:

Thanks all, especially Gabo for helping me out to understand this. I didn't know that town my nephew's wife hails from is so close the US border and they would be used to North American customs. I've never talked to her but I've seen her pictures and pictures of her parents; thery had a big wedding and my nephew according to my sister-in-law "had to convert to catholicism" (another thing that I found surprising, since in Colombia you don't have to catholic to marry a catholic, I should know, I never converted :))

My brother speaks of her with a great appreciation and affection and says that she has more sense in the tip of her little finger than that son of his and it's hilarious to listen to my brother mangling a little Spanish with his heavy gringo accent...haha.

So basically, I was right about it not being a Latin American custom at all and that not everybody in US call their inlaws Mom and Dad either.

I am so glad I never had to face the situation of having to call my inlaws Mom and Dad! It would've felt very strange, like they were trying to supplant my real parents and force an artificial paternity upon me. I LOVED my in-laws and calling them Don and Doña was just fine!

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:03:

Uy that is dangerous, what a combination, yes when the suegra really likes the girl and is on her side, yikes! I am lucky in that way I have always got on with the suegra (there have been a few times of course when we have had words...) and when she is on your side there is no hope for the guy jejejeje

(Bueno pelado me cuentas despues lo de tu paisita)

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:07:

Desi it's a shame you couldn't go to the wedding? You can help your brother with some spanish jajaja

Desi from what I have heard about your suegra it would have been funny for you to have called her "Mama" just to see her perplexed expression!

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:17:

Desi the "had to convert to catholicism" thing maybe because your relative was not "catholic" meaning that he may professed other religion rather than catholicism, in Mexico (at least) if you're getting married to a catholic and if you are a christian (for example) you have to convert to catholicism so the religious ceremony can take place... in Mexico two ceremonies have to take place when getting married: a civil marriage and a religious one, therefore, two parties!!!! yeah baby! =D

It is supposed that the civil marriage has to take place first in order the religious can be celebrated. However, in a small town like Magadalena they give more relevance to religious ceremony rather than the civil.

One of my cousins got married to a mexicana, he was christian and his fiance was catholic. He had to convert as well. As you may know mexicans, like the rest of latinamericans, are very religious. And sometimes the "enlace religioso" is more important.

In Colombia, as far as I know, a religious marriage can take place and then you bring you marriage certificate to a notaria to "legalize" your marriage... at least that's what my parents did... a long long time ago.

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:21:

Monita "there is no hope for the guy" yeah I can assure that!!! But that's not fair you know!

Oh my God!! just imagine how I feel when my girlfriend and my mom are watching me! jajajajajajaja is funny though...

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:23:

Trust me Gabo it is 100% preferable than if they do not like each other, now that is hell for a man....so thank your lucky stars!

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

Robert Jorge says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:27:

Hey Desi, I know many people who married Catholics who themselves were Protestant. I never heard of somebody being required to convert, until you told your story. It is not required by the Roman Catholic Church that both parties are Catholic. BUT, the non-Catholic must agree to have the children produced in the marriage baptised in the church and raised as Catholics.

A little off topic, but some of the questions that priests ask a couple before performing the wedding are pretty funny. My friend who I grew up going to church with, married a Catholic girl years ago. He said the priest asked him if was able to get erections! He was pretty shocked, but the explanation was the priest wanted to make sure he wasn't impotent.

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:33:

Definately!!!
It is 1000000% better than having your mom and your girlfriend fighting, sometimes it is hard to understand one woman, now just imagine two and even worse having them fighting with each other!!!!

I remember one day going out to have fun with my friends, and coming back home (when living in bogota) very late, and having a headache lying in my bed with my mom at 6 am:

"mijo ya vió porque no es bueno salir con sus amigos?, verá que ahora que venga Mona yo le diré a qué hora llegó usted"

Both of them sitting in my bed at 10 am saying that I deserve such a headache for being so late... imagináte con guayabo y encima a las dos sentadas en mi cama regañándome! jajajajajaja mucho mejor que verlas pelear y yo con guayabo encima.... =)

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:35:

Gabo, in Colombia you don't have to convert into catholicism when a non-Catholic marries a Catholic. I married a Catholic in the Catholic church with full Catholic ceremony omitting only the Holy Communion and I didn't have to convert at all. They call it a matrimonio mixto in Colombia and has to be authorized by local monseñor or something, at least at that time when I married my Caleño. We were interviewed by church authorities prior to the wedding and he said that he had the greatest respect for my church and nationality (Lutheran from Finland) and the only problem we Lutherans had was that our church did not have a HEAD. It was no hindrance to our marriage within the Catholic Church, but I had to sign two documents prior to the ceremony; in the first one I vowed never to try to convert my husband to my faith and in the second one that any offspring of this marriage would have to be raises within the Catholic Faith. (Blackmail, if you ask me) I signed and the we had a huge church wedding.

Yes, Gabo, they (my nephew and his Mexican wife) had gotten married in a civíl ceromony about a year before. The religious ceremony was postponed considerably because there was some kind of an accident in the town that involved many families and with several deaths so that they felt it was not a good time for a joyous festivity with half of the town still in mourning.

Cheers,
Desi

(Yes, Mona, I wanted to go to the wedding but unfortunately it wasn't possible for me at this time. I've never been to a full mariachi wedding and I bet it would've been fun!)

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:37:

LOL

Robert "He said the priest asked him if was able to get erections! He was pretty shocked, but the explanation was the priest wanted to make sure he wasn't impotent." that sould've been a joke dude!!!

Well I think so, I've been to many catholic ceremonies in Mexico and Argentina and never heard the priest asking so!

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

gabolicious says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:43:

I didn't know that "in Colombia you don't have to convert into catholicism when a non-Catholic marries a Catholic", well to be honest all my friends and relatives in Colombia are catholic...

Mexican weddings are very funny!!! and they play something like "la vibora de la mar" y tambien cargan al esposo cuan largo es cantando "ya se casó, ya se arruinó" jajajajajajaja too funny, if your brother recorded your nephew's wedding I suggest that you take a look at it, you will have so much fun, besides there are some places (small towns) where the party lasts up to two weeks!!!!

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:46:

Mariachi wedding that sounds great!
"Ya se caso ya se arruino" jaja too true.....

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

Mr. Hollywood says on Aug 5, 2007, 13:39:

Just as an additional point of reference, I would stick a needle in my eye before calling my mother-in-law "mom". And if she ever called me "son" I'd crap my pants, but mostly because I think I could have a heart attack in front of the woman and she wouldn't even notice.

Likewise, my wife, who actually genuinely loves my parents, would also never call them "mom" or "dad".

It just seems very strange to call someone who is not your mom or dad by that name.

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 5, 2007, 13:47:

I agree, Mr. Hollywood. This calling your in-laws Mum and Dad sounds very un -natural and frankly, like from 1800th century custom when girls were married extremely young and taken off their dad's hands (do people still say an awful thing like that?). A grown-up woman does not need an extra mum and dad when she marries.

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Robert Jorge says on Aug 5, 2007, 20:05:

Gabo, I guess I should have worded my comment better. My friend wasn't asked about the erection thing during the wedding ceremony! lol. It was part of the "pre-wedding interview", if you will. Around a week or two before the actual wedding, my friend was sat down by the priest and asked many questions. The impotence question was just one that I remember him telling me that was asked. I can't remember specifics, but I recall my buddy telling me his wife was also asked wierd questions. A lot of the questions had to do with reproduction. Obviously, those types of questions can catch a good Methodist off guard when he doesn't expect that type of conversation with a pastor (priest).

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 5, 2007, 21:58:

We had to attend a pre-wedding "curso matrimonial" that consisted of four three-hour Sunday-morning sessions at a Cali church local where we were received instruction given by celibate persons like priests and nuns about sex and living together. Some of the participants seemed to have takrn a sneak preview onthe topic judging by the roundness of the bellies of the brides-to-be.

We were NOT asked any embarrassing questions at the pre-wedding interview inthe offices of the monsegnor. I guess the priest that interviewed your friend had perhaps some special interest in that area....

(However, when I got tonsillitis in Colombia the doctor asked me first of all when did I have my last period. I told him never mind and just write a prescription on penicillin, please.)

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

gabolicious says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:16:

LOL Robert!

I thought the priest asked that question during the ceremony itself!!!

LOL

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

msaucey says on Aug 6, 2007, 09:05:

Okay, thought I'd add my 2 cents on the in-law being called mom and dad.... I think it may have something to do with the comfort level between the person and their in-law... My girlfriend is a Mexican American.. Her parents were both born in Mexico, she was born in the states.... She has absolutely no problem calling my mom, mom... Actually, she even calls my grandmother, abuelita.... But, she is absolutely comfortable with a my family... I on the other hand am cordial with her family and would never think of calling her mom and dad, mom and dad...

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

jaramillo says on Aug 7, 2007, 18:02:

I had a similar experience To Desi's, marrying my Episcopalian wife in the U.S. We did not need a pre-marital course (heck, we'd been married under U.S. law for 15 years). The Catholic church did not demand anything from her. From me they said I was expected to "share my Catholic faith" with my children, but they remained baptized Episcopalians. No problem. My bishop encouraged me to attend Episcopalian services (without sharing in communion).

gabolicious says on Aug 7, 2007, 18:39:

well Jaramillo maybe that happens only in Mexico, I don't know but the small town Desi was referring to is a "small" town... very respectful of their religion... I mean very old-fashion regarding religion... I don't know

"The new land of opportunities: Colombia!" ----- Mr Miguel_Clavo on PBH

Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 7, 2007, 22:51:

Jaramillo, I suppose your wife didn't need to sign those papers because it was already too late ;) after 15 years of marriage and children baptized.

Gabo, it may be just a local custom and I'm not 100% it was obligatory either, just expected. My brother and his wife got into a bit of discussion over it, she said that he had to, he said that it wasn't obligatory. I would think that the priests would have to follow the instructions from church authorities from Rome and it would have to be similar in all catholic countries, but I believe, as you said, that it's the custom in those small towns that the non-catholic converts.

Cheers,
Desi

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe