Whats wrong with marrying a Colombiana

dtapia says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:12:

well... A lot of the americans that end up marrying colombians have a very obvious agenda. They often don't marry for anything more than physical reasons. So the look usually says, "Dude, what a lamer..."

If people give you a look when you tell them you're engaged, it might have something to do with your character. That's usually when you hear a congratulations.

BTW, Che Cuevara was american, but I am sure you know that.

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:22:

Well Dtapia Well my reasons for getting marriad or not just physical and I don't really need to prove that to anybody. Some people congradulate me, but most people give me crap because I am 28 yr old and not an ugly bastard so they feel that I should be able to find someone equally as good as what I have in Colombian with a better income.

I dont think you understood my question. My question is not why do Americans get a bad rap for marrying Colombians, the question is why do Colombians get such a bad rap.

As for as Che Guervara, I thnk you mean to write was not american which I clearly do know, also had nothing to do with my question. Your making an assumption that I my screen name is based on him when in reality Che is just a word commonly used by Argentine's and is not directly connected to Ernesto Che Guevara Lynch. If your really curious my screenname represents my Argetine heritage and the fact that I am American by means of being born and raised in NY.

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adrimm says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:34:

The circumstances around your engagement may be influencing people.

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silviat says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:40:

The problem is not you marrying the colombiana The problem is those persons ignorance. My husband had a couple bad incidents like that when we were engaged and I was still in Colombia were 2 guys told him all I wanted was his citizenship or money... I met the 2 guys already and they are sort of losers so it doesnt surprise me... Anyway I think some people is just too unhappy with their lives so they feel the need of attacking other persons

Be happy and enjoy your relationship.

Silvia

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:42:

I guess that could be a possibitly In the context of how most people meet and get married I would agree that it is not the norm. To go on vacation meet a girl, fall in love and want to marry a year later is not exactly normal. My question has to do more with how people view Colombian woman, which is directly connected to the responses I get from people when they hear this fact.

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adrimm says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:43:

Your question was: "do I get so much shit for being engaged to a Colombiana and am I the only one. "

Does your fiance live in the same area? Do you speak fluent spanish, or she fluent english? Or was your courtship a long distance one?

Alot of people don't give relationship built on phone conversations a very good chance, aside from lack of communication or not, there are other issues that add complexity. If she lives in Colombia (with people being denied immigration entry to other countries by the hundreds and thousandss), are they sure she is marrying you and not a green card? Are they sure it is genuine love on your behalf? Unlike other relationships (which unfold before their eyes), friends and family are blind to the evolution of a long distance relationship. It can cause some concern to them.

That is why other people may give you are a hard to time. People are generally untrusting of the unknown and for your friends this is a huge unknown for you (and girl). They may wonder why had to embark on such a journey when a relationship with someone more local (if you can call national scale local), would have addressed alot of the issues that add complexity.

Of course only you can decide what is best for you !

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Colombiche says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:50:

What's wrong with Marrying a Colombiana???? Parce, nothing is wrong with marrying a Colombiana. You should be honored to be marrying a Colombian woman just as I AM HONORED TO BE A COLOMBIAN WOMAN AND TO HAVE BEEN BORN FROM A COLOMBIAN WOMAN.

"Que viva Colombia carajo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 10:50:

Thanks for understanding Silviat I'm glad that there is atleast one person who has gone thru the same. Silviat I generally get the same response as your husband that my fiancee is only interested in papers and money and nothing else. Yes I know that life in Colombia is not easy but it doesnt mean that everyone is willing to sell there soul just for a US visa. Besides pretty much all of the negative feedback I get from people are manly from men. I always get a congradulations from the ladies

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silviat says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:02:

more than the media its seriously an ignorance issue If because you saw on TV a lot about war and narcotrafic or you heard a situation of a colombian-american marriage that was done because of convenience reasons, and based on that you make the assumption that all colombian ladies (or at least that specific lady that is marrying the american guy you are talking to at the moment) are green card/money hunters... Then you are a really ignorant person.

And another posibility is that you make that assumption based on what you have inside.

If you are the kind of person who looks at women as sexual object then your main reason to chose a partner could be her appearance (or how submissive she is). Then you may think that the others make their choices based on the same reasons...

That means that the guy engaged to a colombian lady didnt really pay atention to her real intentions because all what he was caring for was getting a hot latina (or that she hidden them very well because colombian ladies are evil)... so he is going to be cheated, and they feel the obligation of warning him..

I really get angry when I think about those things... I couldnt believe somebody would say that about me! jerks!

By the way Che you should stand up for your lady and deffend her name, in a way that is classy (without getting as angry as I do about the subject ;)..

Abrazos

Silvia

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adrimm says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:06:

OKay Question for you all: continuning on this vein of thought:
"Unlike other relationships (which unfold before their eyes), friends and family are blind to the evolution of a long distance relationship. It can cause some concern to them"

If by magic or teleportation or whatever power, E_C's fiance could come and hang out with his friends and family, do you think that they'd have such a hard time accepting the relationship? I'm betting no.

I really don't think they are personally against her at all, they are just entirely blindfolded by the situation. You gotta think it's kinda weird for your family to not meet the woman you are planning to marry!

You wanted some ideas as to why people weren't supportive, there's one. Oh and here is a pat on the shoulder (since that is what it seems you were really after).

;)

Best wishes!

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:12:

Well adrim you have some points regarding how people think but to answer some of your questions.

I live in Florida, my fiancee in Barranquilla
Yes I speak fluent spanish (well almost)
No she does not speak english.

Also I meet her in person not on the internet, not that I am knocking anyone that has meet on the internet.

Yes we have a phone and email relationship, but I do go to Colombia around every 3 months

People in general are haters and find it hard to believe that since there marriages suck that yours will be any better. Some really want to help and look out for you others are just full of shit.

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:12:

Well adrim you have some points regarding how people think but to answer some of your questions.

I live in Florida, my fiancee in Barranquilla
Yes I speak fluent spanish (well almost)
No she does not speak english.

Also I meet her in person not on the internet, not that I am knocking anyone that has meet on the internet.

Yes we have a phone and email relationship, but I do go to Colombia around every 3 months

People in general are haters and find it hard to believe that since there marriages suck that yours will be any better. Some really want to help and look out for you others are just full of shit.

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silviat says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:19:

well an idea Is that you try to create a channel of comuncation between her and your family. It can be through emails or msn, or phone if they can speak the same language.

If your family doesnt speak spanish then you can do the translation. That will give them a better idea of who are you going ot marry and could make them feel "mucho mas tranquilos"

I did comunicate a lot with my family in law before coming here, and I think that made the transition easier, because we sort of already knew each other, the link was already created so we could just make it stronger.

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:21:

I was not looking for a pat on the shoulder Just generally wanted to know why people are against American marrying a Colombian or any other foreigner. Which you answered quit thuroughly and I basically knew already. I just was curious to see if there were others that are or have gone through the same shit as me. And there are such as Mario and Silviat and I thank them for there understanding and I thank you for your honest response. But even thought I know the facts behind people's thinking I still dont it's garbage. I know I must be realistic about my situation but most people have zero personal basis for the opinions and critisizism they have of others. I just get sick of it, thats all.

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:30:

People are always interested to see my 1960 model Colombiana Stepford Wife. You don't see many on the road here so she gets a certain amount of attention. Guys want to know how many mpg I'm getting and whether I have to change the oil often etc.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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adrimm says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:33:

My perspective As the child of 2 people who met on vacation, I feel obliged to say that some concerns (especially the longdistance/communication) can be valid. There is nothing more fun then being the 9 yo referee when both your parents are sounding off at each other.

Anyhow I'm very relievd to hear that you at least don't have a language barrier.

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tim beeney says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:35:

colombian wife I just read a survey about currnt feelings on inter-racial dating that said as the respondants got older the less tolerant they were of such relationships. This would probably hold true with intenational relationships, as well. The good news is that younger respondants were almost unaminously in the positive and had also had diverse relationships.
I have been married to a Colombian women for ten years this November. Aside from general concerns about the problems that occur in Colombia, all of my friends and family accepted this relationship and marriage. I do have o say that my mother gets very concerned when we talk about leaving our two children with relatives in Colombia in order to atend school and learn their mother's culture.
My wife's family also was very supportive of this union. There was certainly no hint of getting married for a green card. We had a three year long-distance relationship (with visits both ways in between) befor finally tying the knot. Contrary to popular belief, most Colombians I met had no desire to leave their country. I find most Colombians to be very patriotic despite all the internal problems. On both sides of the border the average jo citizen has no problem with the people- it's the government!!!

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 11:47:

GEE Adrimm got some issues there, want to talk about it. Sounds like you had somewhat of a tramatized/dramatic childhood. Hey it's no big deal my child was no picnic either to say the least, while growing up I got to enjoy my parents curse and fight at eachtother in both english and spanish.

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adrimm says on Nov 8, 2005, 12:51:

What I mean to explain I'm not some media-fed freak-out drone and that sometimes concerns can be valid. This has nothing to do with Colombia, and everything to do with two people making sure that they know each other, and each other's expectations very very well.

I've seen cross cultural relationships work and fail. If you have hispanic background yourself, then I guess your relationship isn't as cross cultural, so nevermind.

And no, I agree I probably wasn't traumatised any more than most other kids, but that doesn't mean it is somethng I can forget.

Anyhow assuming you do know each other well enough I still think that external resistance is likely mostly due to people on your side not really knowing your fiance. Once she arrives and they get to know her, hopefully their ideas will change.

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pepster says on Nov 8, 2005, 13:02:

This is news to me... Depends who you are telling. If one is an American who hasn't traveled overseas and does not normally fraternize with Colombians...well it sounds like a mail order bride.

Also, depends where you're from. I'm going to be frank here..Argentinians are not the most popular latin americans to some Colombians. I'm being honest here. Just like Peruvians don't exactly dig Ecuadorians. I'm speaking from experience here in the NYC metro area.

There are exceptions, I have argentinian friends (these people eat very well...never miss a barbecue) but I beg them to keep the spanish to themselves because the accent just gets on my nerves. Of course, I say this with humor but it can get to you! With that being said, maybe it's the community around you that frowns on Colombians in general.

Then again...what do I know.

The Pepster

ColombianBlog.com

The Pepster ColombianBlog.com

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cam0940 says on Nov 8, 2005, 13:06:

My mother really had no idea what to expect meeting my Colombian fiancee. They met for the first time Sunday. When their eyes met, I read genuine surprise in my mother's eyes. It was as if she expected my gf to have a "3rd World look" or something. Anyway, we sat and ate, I did some translations, it went incredibly well. By the time it was over, they were hugging and smiling, Ma even trying to say "Gracias" and "Adios", they were trying to communicate with each other talking with their hands. PRIOR to meeting, my older sister had said the whole thing was "ridiculous". So out of the five of us, I have my dad and my mom supportive. I just have two sisters that need to get on the ball. Again, they have no idea what to expect or think of Colombia/Colombians except what they might see in the media; I think my gf breaks all of those stereotypes. So it's just a matter of introducing her to everyone.

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 14:35:

Well Pepster I would agree with most of what you say. Most americans only see the world as it is presented to them on CNN.

Regarding Argentines, yeah they can be a pain in the ass and are definilty not one of the most popular people, most people either love them, hate them or tolerate them. Actually for a time I was worried if I ever went to Colombia or Brazil I would receive ill treatment for being of Argentine descent(I have argentine flag tatooed to my arm so I kind of stand out). But on the contrary I have always felt very welcomed in Colombia, I enjoy the culture and the people very much and embrace it almost as if it were my own.

As far as Argentine accents, I think it's more of a case by case scenario. I don't have an Argentine accent so I dont fall into that category.

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 14:40:

As for as relationships goes I think it depends on how to 2 individual communicate rather if they are from the same background. For example my parents share the same background have been married for over 30 years and still argue over stupid shit everyday. I definitly wouldnt want that kind of marriage. It all just depends.

I basically started this post to bitch about the stupidy I hear from people each and everyday as if they have some greater knowledge or insight into my life.

But I have truly enjoyed everyone viewpoints and insight on this board.

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cochopechocho says on Nov 8, 2005, 15:46:

ElCheAmericano

Unless you are a complete idiot that doesn't know if a woman is truely in love with you or not, you will have a much happier marriage with your colombiana than the average amaericano.

Let me put it this way. You'll be racing home after work while the other guys stop off at the local bar to get some liquid courage before heading home. JAJAJA !!!

Don't listen to the nay sayers and doubters and you'll be a happy man.

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ElCheAmericano says on Nov 8, 2005, 17:54:

Well put GringoDeLeo You've said all that can be said. I guess tomorrow I will go back to just bitching about my job instead of peoples ignorance.

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pereiraiscool says on Nov 8, 2005, 18:26:

maybe they think yu married her just to give her residency..

Yea Im From Pereira and no! im not sorda !!!!! ahhh

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mariasman says on Nov 8, 2005, 19:02:

In fact, it's quite the opposite for me.... Well, the reason I married a Colombiana is because I wanted a Colombian citizenship. Kidding. Seriously, If you read my story, not only did I get the same look but also alot of " Don't you think that maybe she is marrying you just to get a Visa?" or another one of my favorites, " She has to be a terrorist." which I heard from a third party and the one that almost got me into a fight a week ago when a co-worker was just so called "Looking out for a Bro" and gave me the "Be careful speech" and although he was drunk, I wanted to smash that little b at $%& at D. I am just so sick and tired of negative people and their negative comments. it all boils down to examinating the entire situation as a whole. If you are a fairly intelegent dude, you will know if she really loves you. Despite that stupid reputation unfairly given to these beautiful people, I think that for the most part, these women are just looking for someone to love them for real. They just want a partner who is equally willing to work just as hard as they are. Someone who can be responsive to their needs and who can make them laugh and be a best friend. It all depends on you. If you put in 100% of everything you have into your relationship, you will get 150% return from a Colombiana( one that really loves you) unlike their American counterparts that only give back maybe 23% after you've put in 150( Sounds bitter? Well, it is but it has been my experiance). I am not bashing American women but I think that it is time that you as American men (or other foriegner for that matter) treat yourselves to something wonderful. BTW, Everybody on this site that found a Colombian women wether it be wife or Girlfriend found them because of their reputation as being among the most beautiful women in the world( I won't lie.) and then realized that they can be the sweetest and most affectionate in the world as well.I love my Colombiana til the end. Don't listen to what all those cowards are telling you because they are either jealous, ignorant or losers themselves. Just follow your heart and you will be ok.

mariasman

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mariasman says on Nov 8, 2005, 19:18:

One more thing My Colombiana is so different from what I was used to here in the US because she was so un materialistic. She loves to spend time with her family and loves to go for walks and for coffee's and to the park and just any simple thing that doesn't cost a whole ton of money( unlike her American counterpart who for example won't walk anywhere and eat more than I do and think that they can do and say whatever they want and that you wont get tired of it because you can't do better). If you really find a Colombiana who loves you for who you are, then you just won the lotto and have something worth more than gold. Tell those nay sayers to "Get bent" or ask them if they want to step outside. Sorry I am a bit agro but I am really sick of the negative comments. So so so so sick of them. People are people and everybody here in the USA is an Immigrant with the exception of our good ol native Americans. That is what makes this country so great is our diversity in cultures and customs so the next time someone says something negative to you, Ask them how they would have felt if their mother was denied a Visa or her Grandmother. To hell with them all, Carajo!!!

mariasman

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cam0940 says on Nov 8, 2005, 19:37:

Wow. All I really have to say is that I feel your frustration.

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kevluvsmedellin says on Nov 8, 2005, 19:52:

Let them wallow in a sea of ignorance. I said it before and I'll say it again. I am glad peolpe have that ignorant misconception. It doesnt affect the colombian quality of life at all. I hate and I fear if the day comes when peolpe flock to colombia and I dont see any benifit that may have on the Colombian economy. 2 words, # at $% EM.............

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harocha says on Nov 8, 2005, 20:10:

Citizenship... maybe Me as a colombian living in the USA who speaks english and have a great job never heard a man giving my exboyfriend or BF an ugly look for been dating me, I can say that they give them a WOW of admiration when they mention about my profession, my status and of course when they see me in person, usually people complement them and tell them how lucky the (were) or are, however I really think the situation will be A LOT different if I am in Colombia, I don't speak english and I have not very good income or not job at all.

Everyone wants to keep an eye on the money they made so hard, and friends and family think that their job is to open your eyes when you are making the wrong decision and of course they they make a bigger efford when the WRONG decision you are making involves money, they think you are nuts and stupid.

So Che Americano, I really think ALL men who are in your situation have a lot of people around who think just like your friends, however in some cases some people don't express their opinions about it because they have some respect or don't want any trouble, but everyone thinks the same, unless as I said your Colombian GF lives in the USA, has a great income and is gorgeous.

Take care!

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pepster says on Nov 8, 2005, 21:29:

El Che "I think it depends on how to 2 individual communicate rather if they are from the same background. For example my parents share the same background have been married for over 30 years and still argue over stupid shit everyday. I definitly wouldnt want that kind of marriage. It all just depends."

Che,

They're still married...obviously something other than arguments keeps them together. God bless them. I wish I still had parents who were still together. I really do.

The Pepster

ColombianBlog.com

The Pepster ColombianBlog.com

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Nov 9, 2005, 02:30:

Che Don't you think is an insult to you what your friends are saying, what they mean? If they think she is coming to the USA just for the visa, are they implying that she doesn't love which I particularly will feel offended, are they trying to say that she is too pretty to set eyes in a guy likes you? I think you both are gorgeous and young and I don't think any problem in you are getting married or engaged you both looks well as a couple, I would be a bit concern if you were too old and not attractive for her, when I said too old I mean 20 or more years different

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Crazy4Cali says on Nov 9, 2005, 10:51:

Is it any different... Is it any different when people comment to a rich, middle-aged man that his 20-yo swimsuit-model girlfriend just "loves" him for his money? After all it couldn't be love, right?!

In fact, it's either an insult to you, as in "No one that hot could ever want to go out with you" or to her, "She's a cheap slut who would do or say anything to come to the U.S." or both.

Then of course there's the "jealous gringa" response, as in "you must really be a desperate loser to have to go all the way to some poor, third-world country to find a girlfriend."

It used to piss me off, too, but now, I just look at them in pity knowing a) they have no clue and probably never will and b) they really wish they could have one, too.

It's the smug smile you get when you know you already won without having to even fight and your prize is your Colombiana.

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kernow62 says on Nov 9, 2005, 19:37:

There is a restaurant next door to where I used to work. I knew the owner but not well, just order a sandwich say hello etc. His girlfriend was not a looker, but she was a nice gal, he was not unattractive I suppose. Anyway one day my wife came to where I work wearing a fairly well-fitting summer dress with a rather short hemline. I took her next door to have lunch and introduced her to the owner.

The next day he came up to me and said, "don't take this the wrong way, but your wife is hot"! I assume he meant he expected her not to look hot based upon my appearance. I just smiled and said hotter than you will ever know and gave him a sly smile and a wink.

I suppose I could have been pissed off that he thought I was too ugly or too bald to have a nice looking wife, but then I get to go home with her and he has to go home to his girlfriend. That made me less pissed off.

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SamGompers says on Nov 9, 2005, 19:48:

. . . resentment . . . Aside from "normal" U.S. xenophbia and fear of "race/ethnic mixing" (a source of fear because it demonstrates how arbitrary and contingent the boundaries between races/ethnicities really are and so how fictitious are the differences that divide "us" from "them" . . .very troubling for those who live in very bounded worlds) . . .I've found that dating a Colombiana can elicit a certain kind of resentment or insecurity. E.g. when I tell acquaintances - - especially latinas - - that I'm dating a Colombiana, they immediately launch into all kinds of weird statements about Colombian women (they run around on you; they're mercenary; they're so vain; etc. etc.). I always chalk this up to the fact that within the hispanophonic world, Colombiana's are almost universally regarded as the most beautiful of women. Believe me, when I was working in the Dominican Republic, there was nothing like mention of my novia from Medellin to get (female) friends seriously (and sometimes hilariously) stoked . . .

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lockheed says on Nov 10, 2005, 10:57:

FACTS I am not Colombian I am not U.S. American, I am very familiar with the U.S. way of thinking and living, and I am very familiar with the ways of Colombian thinking and living.
Forget the money issue for a moment, forget the greencard issue,
The U.S. way does not fit or tolerate the Colombian way, and vice versa. I think alot of these relationships are doomed to fail from the beginning. My best congratulations to those that have been able to keep it together, I can imagine it has been a very very tough road. I am a Caribean person with a lot of latin/ U.S. /European mix,
and at times I regret being with a Colombiana, because our ways are very diffrent, and one bad thing about alot of Colombians is that they are not willing to adapt to their new enviroment, they want to force their Colombian ways.
I think especialy young people must think about this step very good, because you are going to sacrifice alot of things you have now, (money, time, language, social life, family, standard of living,) and many other things. Most of the females have kids, more weight on you.
Once that person falls under your responsibility it's like flying your twin engine fully loaded airplane suddenly on one engine.
For now she comes over a few months and then she is back at her moms in Colombia, it's all fun fun fun.
I know alot of Europeans that could not handle it, because our ways of thinking is just diffrent, very diffrent, one points south the other north.

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utopiacowboy says on Nov 10, 2005, 11:40:

Wow, it sounds as though it's been really rough for you guys. For us, it hasn't been tough at all. Why would I want a relationship that was a struggle? We've been married over two years and it's sheer bliss. Neither of us has ever been happier.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kernow62 says on Nov 10, 2005, 13:49:

lockheed that is a totally nonsensical comment. I am European, my wife is Colombian and we are very much alike. We both work hard, try our best to make time for each other, we enjoy the finer things in life but do so on a budget. Perhaps the only real difference is that she is a Catholic (although not the idol worshipping sort) and I am pagan. Oh and she dances better.

We have never had to work hard at our relationship, well no more so than if I had married someone from my own neighbourgood. Almost 12 years and no sign of a downturn.

Perhaps if one is looking for the differences or using them as an excuse they might find them, but really we never even think about the differences or if they even really exist.

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