Total mariachi disaster: What a fool I am

utopiacowboy says on Mar 29, 2005, 18:42:

All I can say is, Jamie's a prince.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 29, 2005, 19:14:

Yes he is a prince , Utopia.

I should give him a plug. The man made
no money on me and spent about 2 hours
of his day today helping me.

Jeff

http://www.latin-wife.com/Default.asp


Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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poco says on Mar 29, 2005, 19:20:

Thought the band was a good idea This looks settled. A landing that should be hard to ignore

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." Quote - General Tommy Franks

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2retirensa says on Mar 29, 2005, 19:24:

Fortunately, Jamie understands our culture and it sounds like he was able to explain our direct approach and soothe her fears. I am so sorry for your pain, but you´ll survive like most of the rest of us have. She is still in your life and she is telling you how to court her. You just have to listen to her. SLOW AND EASY. She would not be messaging you if she wasn´t interested. Besides, it sounds like you have the ace- your daughter.
DISCLAIMER
This is not dating advice. This is an observation.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 29, 2005, 19:28:

Thank you 2retirensa Yes I will have to take it slow and easy. Your observations are always greatly appreciated and admired.


Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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Lauthra says on Mar 29, 2005, 19:57:

Bummer I'm sorry to hear about the bad news, I am quite amazed at the way she reacted as well, or overreacted in my perspective. Hope things get better between you too...
Take care of that toe :P
Nato ;)

Nato (='.'=)

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miamimike says on Mar 29, 2005, 20:19:

Reaction was way out of line --Way I hired a Mariachi Band for our Wedding and they played the Wedding Mass and the Reception. My Fiancee at the time was estatic, overwhelmed with happiness.

"So after I read the above plus a couple of other messages
I think I have lost a wonderful friend and someone I am
very interested in romantically." ---You should be happy you are rid of her-her reacting in such an untoward manner is a harbinger of THINGS to come in the future. Lots of others who would have been more then happy to have the Mariachis.Cut her loose. Good Luck.

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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SoCalDude says on Mar 29, 2005, 22:46:

Lose the Mental Case There are lots of women in Colombia and elsewhere.

Find one that won't go MENTAL on you like this one did!

Lose this one as MIAMIMIKE is RIGHT ON THE MONEY!! This is just a sign of things to come with her messed up response to the Mariachis.

SoCalDude

SoCalDude

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Miguel says on Mar 30, 2005, 02:54:

And if things don't get better... Hire about 12 porro musicians to play a couple of marches for her around 4:00am.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Mar 30, 2005, 03:41:

I must admit I hate mariachis or serenade in general, my mum wanted to bring me one for my birthday as a surprise and I'm glad I found out on time and told her not to.

engage brain before opening mouth

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michaelz says on Mar 30, 2005, 04:27:

butterfly Pardon me if this sounds cynical, but any man who uses that insipid, sappy "love is a butterfly" quote deserves to get dumped.

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BlondeJamesBond says on Mar 30, 2005, 04:50:

You've chased it like it insulted your mother!
Sending an 8 piece band to serenade a woman you never met, sounds like you are not only chasing that 'love butterfly', but are gunning the unfortunate creature out of the sky!

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Albatross says on Mar 30, 2005, 04:51:

Butterfly Away,,, Yea, the butterfly thing is a bit gay...

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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sxrxnnrr187 says on Mar 30, 2005, 05:40:

Women Relax man, yes there are a lot of other women out there but if you like this one be patient, i'm sure it will be worth the wait..
"You can't live them you can't live without them"
PS: I don't think the butterfly thing is pretty gay like others do...it's very true

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greenday says on Mar 30, 2005, 05:41:

widower Boy I wish you would have consulted with me before you hired those mariachis...you´ve proceeded way too fast with a woman that you've never even met in person. Try to take the advice that I've given you via our private e-mails...NEVER invest too much time and emotion in a woman that you've never met in person... Go to Colombia and meet her, as well as others...I'm sorry you feel so bad, however you've ignored good advice that some very experienced people like my self have given you...maybe you need to look elsewhere for a wife...
Good luck!!

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elmodefoque says on Mar 30, 2005, 05:44:

Dude, I told you, girls in Barranquilla don’t like guys to be too sentimental and soft they need to feel like a woman and you the man, strong and ready to protect them. There are lots of, in your face obnoxious barranquilleros (not me of course) who will straight out make a pass at your woman and if you don’t do anything she’s leaving your soft ass.
Best place to be romantic is Bogotá, Medellin, Cali, but not Barranquilla. In Curramba you best be ready to kick or get your ass kicked in a New York minute. Man, if you get your ass kicked fighting for her, you will have the respect from her, (she’ll give you the chiquito) all her family and her friends will want you to bang them too and you gotta do it, barranquilleras accept that guys have other girlfriends if they don’t like that then they end up marrying a cachaco. The hell with flowers, mariachis and all that useless crap, a woman needs to get drunk, that makes it easier to look at your pasty white ass. She expects to get banged once you get her drunk, what the hell is she going to do with flowers, shove them up her ass?
Don’t e-mail, don't call that broad and you will see that she will, in the distant feature, call you, but by then you’ll already be banging some cachaca. You tell her to go eat sand and screw elmodefoque’s burro or all the mariachis you wanted to sent her.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one. CURRAMBA, EL MEJOR VIVIDERO DEL MUNDO!

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Gator says on Mar 30, 2005, 05:48:

Sorry and the wife said "pobrecito." My post and the wife's comment on your firrt post was meant as helpful advice. The band thing really comes up late in the relationship. Mrs. Gator said you likely went too fast and assumed too much. Most in Colombia think the band indicates marriage or a formal relationship is close at hand.

But Mrs. Gator also said, from being married for some years to a gringo loco, she understands. Your best bet is a personal visit to meet her and her family.

Mrs. Gator said someone with a heart that is in the right place should have no problem in meeting a Colombiana who will be very lucky to find someone like you.

Good luck. With Colombian women just say, "Estoy aprendiendo cada ves más."

"Brevior Sltare Cum Deformibus Mulieribus Est Vita!" .

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babygirl says on Mar 30, 2005, 05:52:

I would have been horrified and embarrassed if some guy I met online after only 2 months sent me a whole band to serenade me. Way too strong but then I'm just a Canadian girl. I actually find the Latin men just as direct (if not more) as Canadian guys too so I don't think it's a culture thing. cheers - babygirl

cheers - babygirl

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Mar 30, 2005, 07:35:

WC Just slow down, as you say "Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder".
maybe change the mariachis for a ferrari hehehe

engage brain before opening mouth

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elmodefoque says on Mar 30, 2005, 07:45:

hola kat, sigo loco enamorao de ti pero lo unico que te puedo dar es un 1982 honda civic

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one. CURRAMBA, EL MEJOR VIVIDERO DEL MUNDO!

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Mar 30, 2005, 07:47:

No elmo to old, I like fast and furious ;-P

engage brain before opening mouth

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 30, 2005, 07:52:

As I mentioned, WC, I saved the mariachis for the night before my wedding but my wife is kind of a nut for mariachi music anyway. Complete strangers could be sending her serendades and she would just sit back and sing along and enjoy it. This woman sounds like she's wound too tight for my taste.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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elmodefoque says on Mar 30, 2005, 08:00:

kat, with that comment i had to run to the mens rooms, i was never so excited.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one. CURRAMBA, EL MEJOR VIVIDERO DEL MUNDO!

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calipro says on Mar 30, 2005, 08:26:

I think.....
I think you should still send the Mariachi band to her house. But instead of singing the usual crap, you should have them sing "mariposa traicionera".

I can see the woman not wanting to get serenaded infront of her whole family from a guy she has never met. Hell, maybe she is a little timid and easly embarrassed. But to get that pissed about the whole thing would make me suspect that she hasn't dumped her colombian boyfriend just yet.

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Albatross says on Mar 30, 2005, 08:40:

Dos mas Centavos... You shoulda' sent Aerosmith... but Cali's right, for her to get that bent probably means she's got some other deal going on.

But as for... "I have tears rolling down my face. I am shocked and heart broken. I can hardly breathe and I am stunned."... you ARE a post-pubescent male, right ?

(And dude, seriously - lose the butterfly.)

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:09:

Albatross and michaelz, Life is funny sometimes.

After having my late wife die in my arms 9 months ago yes I get emotional sometimes. Have you performed CPR for 1 hour straight trying to save your wife's life .I am single father with 2 little kids and run my own business. Starting over and looking forward is not always easy.

After the hell I have been through I will not apologize for my emotions. Have you ever had to sit down and look 2 kids aged 5 and 8 years old in the eye and tell them their Mother has died.

Until you have walked a mile in my shoes you cannot judge me.

The butterfly comment stays !!

That is from my late wife when she nearly died 5 years ago and she wanted me to find someone else if she died.

THESE ARE MY DEARLY DEPARTED LATE WIFE WORDS !!!!!!!!!

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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Albatross says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:22:

Hmm... Yes, life is funny... anyway, we all have our horror stories.

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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ARMacleod says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:23:

Widower, In a word? The word is you sound just too 'desperate' Even your synonym is tantamount to advertising, loosen up a bit.

Lay the bait and she (or someone else) will take the bait, don't try to ram it down her throat, the bait I mean. Stay cool and she will chase you.

Good luck anyway.

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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Lauthra says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:29:

Albatross He said 'she nearly died 5 years ago', nearly died doesn't mean she did...
Nato ;)

Nato (='.'=)

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:29:

ALBATROSS READ MY COMMENTS !! "nearly died 5 years ago "

"That is from my late wife when she nearly died 5 years ago and she wanted me to find someone else if she died."



Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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Albatross says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:30:

:p Too late... I already corrected it.

You guys gotta' trash those 56k (on a good day) modems...

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:40:

How do we delete or edit comments we make hear ? Albatross I noticed you edited out your comments challenging me if my died 5 years ago or 9 months ago.

A apology would have been accepted.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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Albatross says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:47:

Widower You just hit the "edit" field next to the "reply" field at the bottom of your post.

And why apologize ? I corrected my response within 3 or 4 minutes of posting it. (And before you posted your response.)

Finally, while sad, your story doesn't have much bearing on the current thread or the comments herein.

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:48:

Yes, you are right James I am slowing things way down. It is very crazy starting all over again after nearly 13 years.

You Sir have given me quite a few laughs here. I woke my children up one night after reading your glove story. That story was so funny my stomach hurt.

I would love to hear the rest of the story on her reaction ?

Jeff








Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:50:

Okay no hard feelings Albatross.

Have a good one.

Jeff


Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 30, 2005, 09:54:

Greenday yes you are right. Greenday,

Yes you are right.

Well I have learned the hard way and I will not make the same mistake twice.

Thanks,

Jeff


Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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dwmte says on Mar 30, 2005, 10:11:

listen, brother, do what you want with the butterflies. also, think twice about the lady there in colombia. no body has the right to come off the wall and dump their shit on you. really.

if she doesn't like the band idea. great, they didn't come. no harm done. maybe it was a bit premature. don't throw anymore 'bait' out there. trust me, friend, you don't have to eat shit to eat dinner. no way in hell.

my first wife died just like a snap, leaving me with a year and a half son. yeah, it was way wierd, but my road didn't stop there. your's doesn't either. BUT... don't nail your soul down to this one lady. go down to colombia--don't let her tell you when you can and can't come to colombia--fuck that. you drive your car. everybody else can drive theirs. period.

go to colombia, check it out, see why it produced so many great ladies. not just the one you've met. hell, there's my wife, gator's, kernow's, utopia's, and on and on and on. and if we didn't have wives. trust me, we could get some, quick. and very fine ones. they are what colombia produces. good women.

chin up friend. my advise, don't e her back and don't call. put your balls back in your drawers and find that lady who's on your wave length and doesn't want to emasculate you with a lot of egotistical horse shit. like elmos says...leave that to the burras.

dw

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Neonovo says on Mar 30, 2005, 11:28:

Three times and I'm out ! ! "... don't nail your soul down to this one lady" I think is good advise. I saw my exwife throw a temper-tantrum against her teen-daughter BEFORE we were married. Should have took the hint then, because it wasn't tool long when her hissy-fits were aimed at myself.

I was love-struck by the sweetest lady I had ever met, the facta that she was a caleña like myself made her even more attractive.
BUT after a recent divorce (about a month prev to our encounter), I had decided at my overage, if I didn't start a family, my time would be up soon; so I went to Cali, spent two fabulous weeks with "La niña caleña", after letting her know my next one would have to bring the promise of an offspring.

My next-one should also be my last one, as I think the "Three times and you're out" rule should apply to marriage also, and this will be my third.

Hence, my rolita...

Paz
Neonovo

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 30, 2005, 12:28:

So, JamesVH, you don't think he should ram his bait (worm) down her throat?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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ARMacleod says on Mar 30, 2005, 12:55:

Definately not u.c. Dangle it just out of reach, then they are forced to come, to you.

I know what I am talking about you see; I have been widowed four times. My first three wives died from mushroom poisoning and the fourth from a broken neck (The last bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms).

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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British Paisa says on Mar 30, 2005, 22:33:

That is one crazy Colombiana you have managed to get there!..., I would shop around a bit more as it will probably only get worse, I mean imagine what will happen if you decide to go to Colombia to visit her; she may think it is innapropriate and get a sicario to sort you out!....

Just kidding about the sicario; however, I regret to say that the crazy bit is true.

All the best anyway.

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Crazy4Cali says on Mar 31, 2005, 05:45:

The double edged sword of passion I'm really sorry to hear what happened with the band idea. It's not easy, but let it go and take it slow. Save your money for spanish lessons and going down there to visit in person.

Whether you should keep "shopping" or not is up to you, but at least you know, now, how she responds to surprises and things that don't please her. If all her other redeeming qualities surpass this particularly negative reaction and you can see yourself smiling (inside) when you come home late one night from work only to be greeted by that sort of welcome, even though it may be followed by some passionate lovemaking two hours later, then no problem. If that sort of thing will annoy you, then you should have seen it coming.

Either way, best of luck to you.

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Hunter says on Mar 31, 2005, 05:55:

WidowerfromCanada It does seem a bit of a over reaction, I suspect there is another guy around in the neighbourhood.

Why don't you ask Jamie his thoughts on the lady, whatever they are.

Hunter

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 31, 2005, 06:53:

Some good advice from Hunter. If there is another guy in the picture that would explain a lot. After all how could she explain the mariachi band to her boyfriend? Otherwise she would be like my wife and just sit back and enjoy the music.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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lpdiver says on Mar 31, 2005, 08:51:

I say you need to Get your butt down there in person and quit wasting time on internet romance. Go with an open mind to it being a failure and if it is use your time wisely and scout out other possibilities.

I played with internet dating a little and found that it is good to confirm in person what you are dealing with early on.

Caveat Emptor

Antony

"cook some rice!"

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stevens says on Mar 31, 2005, 13:49:

Widowerin Canada Do you chat about your deceased wife to your internet prospects? I bet you do, every time. Of course you shouldn't forget your wife, but there's only room for two in the bed so somehow you've got to find a place for your deceased other than your sleeve. I think you need more time. And surely your dear deceased wouldn't expect you to carry around her banner into the next relationship. In other words, although the butterfly quote obviously carries profound meaning for you and reminds you of something very special that some people never even experience, it simply sounds lame the way you are using it. You can keep it (and all your memories of her)in a quieter place without being emotionally 'unfaithful' to her.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Mar 31, 2005, 14:16:

Take the good advice here Man, that sucks. You did move a bit to fast, or at least too publicly. But what the hell, her reaction is a big warning sign too.

I think you should take the advice of a lot of the people here who suggested that you forget about falling "in love" online. Get on a plane, if you can, and come to Colombia. You'll meet a lot of nice women and maybe (emphasis MAYBE) find one you can fall in love with. My own experience is that you can't really shop for someone to fall in love with and it just has to happen. In the meantime, there are lots worse things to do than travel and date a lot of nice Colombianas.

Also, my condolences for your loss. That sounds terrible.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Mar 31, 2005, 14:30:

Stevens and Gringo Stevens

Actually I don't mention her unless asked. I learned that a while ago. Good point about the butterflys quote.

I am going to put the butterfly quote away and into my great memories of my wife.

Gringo,

I am not making anymore apologies to her. If any apologies are to go around she owes me one the way she treated me. I told her that. The ball is in her court , I am going to find another woman. Life is too short for this shit.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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dwmte says on Mar 31, 2005, 15:02:

and, hey, brother.... don't go away pissed, either. just move on, where ever, how ever. let it be and let it go if that's your choice.

my brother used to council me because i was hot headed and prone to lock horns on the quick. he'd say, hey, bro, don't push the river, it flows by itself. real right on.

you're the captain of your ship, noone can sail her for you. stay at the helm and watch for the sirens--like the lady who bitched out at ya...it ain't necessary to dump on her, leave her be, she, like you and me and all the others here, learns at her pace also. we don't know until we know. si o no?

so, good friend, adalante, there are many, many super fine honorable women in colombia. not just chicas. i never was drawn to the chicas even though i could appreciate their foxiness. i like my lady...the serious, devoted, home keeper. a lady like me. and together, we make it work.

just go to colombia, don't worry about not speaking spanish. trust me it comes soon enough. and you'll meet one or more fine quality ladies who'll love to be with you and visa versa. trust me, everyone here will tell you the same.

don't shit on the gal. that wont help. just let her slide. stay friends. burnt bridges don't even carry the dead.

peace,

dw

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cleo0367 says on Apr 1, 2005, 06:54:

About: "Dude, I told you, girls in B" It happened to me, too. I met this girl from Bucaramanga. Everything was fine for 8 months. The moment I started to be romantic and say "I love you" and all this crap, she changed. We broke up soon afterwards.
My mistake. You're also right about getting drunk and so on.
Cheers
Cleo

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greenday says on Apr 3, 2005, 09:09:

I'm gonna chime in one more time on this thread, since I was in Colombia for the last ten days and I didn't have time to offer some more comments.
I disagree with those that think this girl has another man. Widower has stated on this forum and in private e-mails to me that this woman made if VERY CLEAR that she likes to take things slow. Let me relate to you an experience I had with a Caleña a few years back.
I was corresponding with a Caleña (28 year old doctor), very attractive and educated. We had a chemistry, so I had already had a trip planned to Cali, so she wanted to pick me up at the airport, I said "fine", she had her own vehicle, a late model Jeep, very nice. Well in some earlier phone conversations she asked me if I liked surprises, I replied, "well yes"...when she picked me up at the airport and I entered her vehicle, she had a couple of sunflowers and a few ballons. I thought to myself "that's very sweet", and of course I expressed that to her. We stopped on the way to the hotel and she offered to buy me dinner, I thought "hey that's sweet", and very rare for a colombian woman. I liked it alot, and like her more.
But here is the deal breaker. We get to the hotel, where I know everyone, the management, hotel workers, since I've stayed there many, many times over the previous 8 years. We enter my suite, and the WHOLE ROOM is filled with balloons, I mean literally the WHOLE room. Balloons of every shape and size. And this is a junior suite with 2 separate rooms and bath. There had to be 200 balloons in that suite. She had arranged with the management earlier in the day to do this. Everyone thought that we were getting married!! I was so embarrassed, since I know everyone at the hotel, and this was the first time I had met this woman. Many of the hotel workers came up to me and offered me "congratulations", because they thought we were getting married... Needless to say, I never wanted to see her again. Although to some this might seem like a nice idea, but it turned me off completely. After all I had never met this woman before...this was an act that should have been saved for a better occasion.
So Widower, I can relate to your friend 100%. Please try to understand her position. I finally had a chance to read your initial thread asking for advice, and the overwhelming majority of the posters thought it was a bad idea. You ignored that advice.
My advice to you is, if you can't find time to go to Colombia, forget about romancing a Colombian woman, or any other foreign woman for that matter. It takes alot of dedication, sacrifice, and money to truly find someone special. E-mails, phone calls, roses, and mariachi bands ain't gonna do it my friend.
Good luck!!

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jediknight says on Apr 3, 2005, 10:04:

you scared her.... but its not a total loss.... canada, i read your post and noticed that you've only been in contact with your friend for only 2 months, this is not enough time for you to be thinking of sending her a mariachi, that's way too fast and you don't know each other well enough. even if you have spoken to her every day, you jumped the gun and in the process have scared her off. all of us here can appreciate your enthusiasm, i'm sure she's great and that in itself is intoxicating but it sounds like she wants to slow things down.

a mariachi is given only on special ocasions, a birthday, an anniversary, declaration of love or marriage proposal just to name a few and even though you wanted to do something nice for her, you went overboard. you mentioned that she isn't someone who will tell you that she loves you in a week, that my friend is very good. the ones that declare undying love after a few days are the ones you should run away from, they are too desperate in my opinion. look, there is a term that is used in colombia to describe you, that is "intenso" (intense)and women don't like that, a guy that comes on too strong too quickly, take it from a jedi, you must learn to be patient, take things slowly and don't appear to be desperate.

seduction and wooing is an art form and it takes time and that is what she wants, time for the both of you to get to know each other, for you to win her over, to show her that you are not looking for an adventure, a fling. in my case i sent the mariachi to my girlfriend on her birthday because we're already a couple but lets say that we weren't a couple, i would have sent it anyway only because we've known each other for 11 months, i've met her and her entire family plus i would have done it in conjuction to asking her to be my girlfriend, so you see that a mariachi is given to someone special from someone special, not a friend that you've just started to talk to without even meeting face to face.

the way i see it is if you think she is a great woman then you will apologize once, then move on with the realtionship without mentioning it again, saying you're sorry more than once is a sign of weakness and women don't like that, give her some time to recover from this and take things sloooow. don't overwhelm her, don't smother her with gifts, call her maybe once a week for a couple of months, write to her once a week, IM her once a week and then build it up if you see that things are going well, after a few months you can start calling her twice a week, send her friendly e-cards,not romantic ones, those you should leave for much later. by the way, it sounds like jaime may have saved your butt and she maybe willing to give you a second oportunity, don't blow it if you think she is worth the effort, if not, learn from this and move onto the next one but i think everyone deserves a second chance and if she's giving it to you, take it. one other thing, you seem to have alot of energy and desire, spread it out, don't place all of your hopes, time and effort into one person, get to know others, write to other women and see that there are many other choices. maybe what you really need is someone who has the same amount of energy and drive to move things along. if going slow is not the way you do things or part of your personality then you may become frustrated with your current friend and her desire to move slowly. from one of your posts on this site, she had previously told you that she wanted to move slowly, to get to know each other, i think it would be a mistake to cut her loose, for now keep her close but introduce yourself to other women. last year while i was first communicating with my girlfriend i was also writing to 4 other girls until after a few months i got to know everyone, met and compared them all and then decided to stick to one.
good luck
JK

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stevens says on Apr 3, 2005, 10:10:

DW ¨´burnt bridges don't even carry the dead.¨´
That's a helluva quote. Thanks.

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calipro says on Apr 3, 2005, 10:59:

Don't worry WidowerfromCanada.... Everybody makes mistakes.

I know of a gringo that is pretty persuasive with the colombianas.

He met a fairly attractive if not down right sexy caleña. The two of them hit it off. There was a chemistry between them and as it turned out she really liked the guy. But, he'll never know that.

The gringo invited this young hot caleña to his suite at the Intercontinental for a chat. I'm sure they had other things on their mind than just a chat. But as it turned out nothing happened.

The gringo forgot that the suites in the Intercontinental have two phone lines and although he remembered to disconnect one he forgot the other.

Seeing how this gringo was so popular with the ladies of Cali that phone just kept ringing and ringing. He never answered the phone but at some point it just became obvious even to the girl that it was another woman. The gringo became a little uncomfortable with the situation and cut the chat short after only a drink. He gave her a peck on the cheek and sent her on her way.

The girl was disappointed and a little confused about what happened. As it turned out she wasn't exactly a saint and she really wanted this guy. She knew it was another woman on the line but wanted the guy anyway. Big mistake on the gringos part for sending her away. He should have just ripped the cord out of the wall and threw her in bed.

She later felt so bad about herself and the situation that she eventually fell for calipro's advances and the rest is history.

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caulfield2 says on Apr 3, 2005, 11:18:

I think you need to step back a little bit and take things more slowly. Getting involved in relationships after a traumatic event does not lead to sound decision-making, I almost got married to a woman after my father died because I felt guilty for not getting married and giving him grandchildren when I was in my 20's. And the girl I was dating had a son that was this great athlete and I was so ready to be a father, just not with her.

From what I've heard, you need to be a little more "stand-offish" in how you come across. Unlike countries like Russia or Eastern Europe in general, there is more competition with men in Colombia and other Latin American countries, perhaps because there's less alcoholism and perhaps not quite the same disparity in living conditions, especially in the larger cities?

There's no substitute for personal meetings, and before you draw your children into a "family" or potential mother they've never met, step back and reassess whether you're ready or not so soon after your last relationship.

There's no "mourning" or grief period that's NEVER the same for everyone...but you should protect your children until you're 100% sure she's going to be a part of their lives, and, even then, it will take time before you can all be together. In fact, it's more difficult to get a foreign wife or fiance into Canada than the US from my experience. You have to meet her and spend at least a couple of weeks with her first.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 3, 2005, 11:44:

Just an update,

I found out some more information about my disaster. She was and is mad that I arranged it through a marriage agency. She was horrified by this and the thought that I gave her address and picture to the agency upset her greatly. I tried and Jaime tried to get her to understand that this was for the purposes of arranging the surprise only. She knows that Jaime will not use her picture and address. Also the mariachi idea was a total flop and wrong..

That is my fault regarding the picture and I take full responsibility for it.. Yes , I did ignore a lot of good advice but that is my fault. Our communication has come to an end for now. She says she will write me in 30 days when she cools down and forgives me.

I am not holding my breath and I am taking a little break from this internet thing. When I restart I will correspond with a number of women. The funny thing is that she is still corresponding with my daughter and says she will continue doing that.

There is another guy involved as I have mentioned before. She says he is just a friend also. I think I made the stupid decision based on this fact. I am doing a lot of thinking and I don't know if I will continue seeking a more serious relationship if she contacts me again.

I am willing to be friends and still consider her a good friend. I do not want to have to walk on eggshells in the future. We will see what the future brings. The ball is totally in her court and I am moving on.

I admit I have made a bunch of mistakes but I don't think I deserved the massive negative response and abuse I got from her. I am not doing anymore chasing of women and if they are interested they can chase me.

I know that I am still recovering from the death of my dearly departed wife 9 months ago. I know I have to take my time and be careful. My children at their very young age do need a mother figure as my daughter constantly reminds me.

Due to a planned move and my children coming first, I am unable to go down to Colombia for 2-3 months. I thank everyone for their responses and suggestions. I take full responsibility in this relationship disaster.

The thing that really bugs me is that when I caught her in a lie 2 weeks ago. She said she did that as not to hurt my feelings. She wrote me 4 times a day for 3 or 4 days begging me to forgive her for lying to me.

I did forgive her and gave her another chance but it seems she is not willing to do the same for me. Life is a 2 way street. I know she loves Colombian Soap operas but this is
crazy.

WFC

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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caulfield2 says on Apr 3, 2005, 11:52:

I'm trying to understand this, she was upset the agency had her picture, from you (or her)? I thought these agencies used pictures of the women to promote their product? Was she concerned that they were going to "promote" her or that she would be embarrassed by Jaime's actions?

Didn't the agency already have her address? How could they not, if she was a "client" of theirs?

Usually, agencies try to promote these types of things (toys, perfume, candy, stuffed animals, other gifts) as a money-making idea for themselves, another "revenue stream," so to speak.

All things considered, you are better chalking this one up to "good judgment is a result of experience, and experience is a result of bad judgment."

If there are other men pursuing her (both in Colombia and outside), then this might have been another factor in her getting upset...maybe she just likes the attention and "gifts" and doesn't want to commit to anyone, but she doesn't want to run any of her suitors off either.

I'm sure Jaime would have more insight into her personality, relationships (former and current), but it's better to let a sleeping dog lie and move on....write to 10-15 women, try to meet as many of them as you can, continue to correspond with 2-3 when you leave and then come back 3-6 months later and try to determine which ones show the most interest in you.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:10:

She was not a client of Jaime's I met her on a internet dating site.

I used him to arrange ot because I do not speak Spanish.

Jamie has been great through all this.

WFC

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:13:

just a dumb question, jeff aren't there any single women you could get interested in closer by? In your neighborhood, work etc? Why Colombia?
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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caulfield2 says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:20:

canada,

What's so interesting about Colombia to you? Are you looking for a Catholic woman?

Have you looked into Russia...there's much less competition there than in the United States or Colombia for that matter. Or is just kind of happened accidentally and you enjoyed the connection?

I will say this, at least you didn't go into this totally on your own (you used Jaime), but I would suggest a "full service" agency for your first trip. After you know exactly what you're doing and feel comfortable with the woman, then you can go it alone.

There's a board called "rwguide.com" that has lots of stories from men who have travelled to Russia in search of the woman of their dreams, what to watch out for, scams, I think you could get lots of practical advice over there that would be applicable even if you stayed in Colombia with your search. Also, they just started "lwguide.com" for men looking into Latin American women...FYI

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:25:

Good question Desi
I am open to meeting a woman around here. I have met a few I liked and they liked me. When the subject of me being a widower with 2 small kids comes up they get that glazed look in their eyes. I get turned off any woman that does not like a man with kids.

I do not blame them at all. So that is why I am looking farther around. I am not just looking in Colombia. I am open to meeting a woman from anywhere.

WFC

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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caulfield2 says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:35:

Well, maybe Colombia is better...the women in Russia tend to be more "Americanized" and less traditional than you would be led to believe.

Are you looking for a stay-at-home wife or someone to work? There's a big difference...more Russians have college degrees than Americans, and they tend to be a little more career-oriented.

However, if you're looking for someone to help be a mother to your children, keep in mind that you will the "mother" to her for at least 2-3 years while she's getting adjusted to being away from her family and friends, not to mention little things we take for granted like driving and communicating in English.

Try to find someone who at least has a rudimentary knowledge of English (or French)...that will make things much easier on you, because that transition period can be very rough, and it will cause you to concentrate so much on HER issues you forget about your children and they end up with less attention than when you were the single father.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:37:

Also because I have heard a lot of good stories I have heard a lot of good stories about Colombian women and that is another reason that I am interested. I am very impressed when I hear the stories from utopiacowboy , dwmte , daver and the other guys who have found wonderful wives.

I know there are good and bad women everywhere. I am keeping my eyes open.

WFC

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:41:

Thanks for your comments caufield2 I like and respect latina woman for their culture , traditions and family values. Thanks for your comments.

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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babygirl says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:45:

Ok Jeff, I know you probably don't want my opinion but I'm going to tell what I would think if I met a widowed guy with kids only 8 mos after his wife had passed away. That he was on the "rebound" and that he's not ready for a relationship yet. Too much emotional baggage at that point to deal with, meaning both him and the kids. I'm not saying that to be nasty but I think it's reality. I think most people are still grieving at that point. I don't think that makes Canadian girls cold or uncaring and it doesn't mean that we don't like kids either.

I too was caught up with the romantic notion of internet dating at one point looking for my prince charming because "Canadian guys are scared away by single women with kids." I found out that it's not true but I just hadn't met the right person yet.

cheers - babygirl

cheers - babygirl

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caulfield2 says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:53:

Take this with a grain of salt, but it's much more unusual for the man to be taking care of the kids, and this is actually an endearing thing to lots of women.

Many single mothers are used to men dating them, freaking out after awhile (something along the lines of "I want to spend more time with you" or they're not getting enough bootie calls so they start showing up late at night after the kids are in bed)...too many men tell the woman that the kids are the reason for things not working out, when they should be more honest, because many times it's the woman, they just don't want to hurt her feelings, which only makes the single mothers more frustrated with their kids and their situations in life sometimes. It's the easy way out for the man...I thought I could handle it but I found out I couldn't...I tried, I meant well....in the meantime, they don't realize how their selfishness has impacted the kids and how the kids just want some stability and consistency in their lives.

I have a cousin who married a woman with 5 kids and they've been happily married ever since...

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Apr 3, 2005, 12:59:

ohmygosh babygirl you took the words right out of my mouth! That's exactly what Swedish girls would think in that situation. Lots of girls here marry guys with kids and help raise them up, either as step-mother or a second-mother (divorced couples with children that take turns living with either with mom or dad); it's considered totally normal especially if you're a bit older, say past twenty-five or so.
No, I don't agree with either caulfield or calipro or jaimie; don't go wife-shopping in Russia or Colombia or anywhere else for that matter. When the right woman crosses your path you will know it's her.
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 3, 2005, 13:08:

Good Point Babygirl I value your opinion Babygirl. Yes a lot of what you say is true. I do and my kids do have emotional baggage which we will have for the rest of our lives. Losing my best friend ,wife , mother , partner and lover is hard.

I have been going to grief counseling for 1.5 hours a week since September so I am dealing with my loss in a healthy way. My children get special grief counceling every week to help them also.

I do not think I am on the rebound.. who knows for sure.. Why should I wait 2-3 years to meet someone if I get lucky and meet someone special now or 3 months from now.


WFC

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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babygirl says on Apr 3, 2005, 13:12:

Well that's exactly it, when you meet her you won't know what hit you! It could be tomorrow at work it could be next year. I'm telling you, you should have got on that charter from Canada to Cartegena before the season ended. These people were amazing with the kids! What a blast.

:)

cheers - babygirl

cheers - babygirl

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calipro says on Apr 3, 2005, 14:00:

OK Widower Now you've got me worried.

I don't think looking for a wife in Colombia (as opposed to Canada) is a good idea if you are simply looking for a woman that will be more receptive to a guy with kids.

There is only one reason good enough to go through all the trouble of getting your self a colombiana and that is because you have a strong personal preference for them.

You have to appreciate their sexy latin look and the fact that they will make love to you every night like it was the last night of their life. You have to put up with the fact that most can not see how their actions will affect them one month in the future. But, also love their playful and happy personality because they never kick themselves in the ass for mistakes they have made.

You have to love a colombiana because she is a colombiana and refuse to except anything less. Otherwise you don't deserve her.

To tell you the truth, it sounds like you don't really know the difference between a colombiana and a woman from Canada. So I suggest you buy a ticket ASAP. And learn what it's like to feel like a god on earth because that is exactly what colombian women make men feel like.

Hope I've been of some help, Calipro

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dwmte says on Apr 3, 2005, 19:03:

ya know, jeff... if you're waiting for the time when you find 2 or 3 months off, you're 'waiting for godot'. don't hold your breath.

you need to break the umbilical cord. just get a cheap flight to cartegena and back and go down there of a week or two...you can certainly get grandma and grandpa to kick in that much work.

just go to cartegena, stay at a hotel in the old walled city, hang out there, eat, drink hang out, listen to music, see how colombians play and live. it's a 'foot wetter' but you'll learn so much by that sampler that you'll never turn back and never feel afraid/insecure again.

you don't need squat from an agency, cartegena has everything you'll nedd and you'll be safe...perfectly safe. just stay around the old cith and boca grande and you'll have the best time of your life. you don't need to have all this 'hubble telescope focus' on getting a gal. the gal's out there, just hang out a while til your nerves heal and that magic moment will be there even when you weren't expecting it and it'll happen perfectly kosher.

go for it, friend. it's time.

i remember all to well losing my lady, then later in life, having to bury two of my sons...sucks real bad. nobody has a clue who hasn't dawned those moccassins. now, it's time for a breath of fresh air. you need it to air out and be clear and strong for the kids. because now, you're both mom and dad. yes, i can dig it. been there, done that.

remember, the mate aint for the kids, that comes in time. the mate is for you. and if she's really your mate, she'll be there right for the kids as well.

peace, guy...

dw in florida

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WidowerfromCanada says on Apr 4, 2005, 10:31:

Thanks for your words dwmte.

We have both walked the path regarding losing our wives but I cannot imagine your pain you have on losing your children.

Take care and god bless,

Jeff

Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder.

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dwmte says on Apr 4, 2005, 17:16:

well, friend, i don't think any of us are ever prepared for these deeply personal issues, they just come upon us all of a sudden, we deal with them the best we can, and then, even if stragglingly, we move on, crippled possibly, but moving on.

now, it's smile time, a new birth, the king, risen... as he said, 'arise, lift up your heart, move on...'

well, if you want about a week of really great healing energy, take off for cartetena and relax...

peace,

dw

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Lionheart says on Apr 4, 2005, 22:53:

how to tell your novia you will love her forever My novia pantera (PBH nick) lives in Cali and has indio blood. One night we were in our daily chat with webcam and and we talked about going out to parties. She asked me how I would react if all are more or less drunk and a Colombian man would start hitting on her badly.

I didn't say a word, opened my switchblade knife and showed it to her. Then I wrote that this is what a man sees if he doesn't respect my wife.

It had a larger effect on her than flowers, cards, and any other words of love. She had the biggest smile on her face and called me her hero, I am a true man. It went on and on for an hour.

But don't forget to turn the coin. After talking with her mother and discussing the future at some other time later I talked with my novia that our plans seem to be accepted. As a joke I asked her that now her dad would hunt me down and kill me if I backed off. She looked at me with a smile and said "no, not my dad. I will kill you with your own knife" ... and she did the cut-throat motion. She also told me that no court would bother her afterwards ... she is a lawyer. I believe her.

This reminds me of other stories here ... certain matters are taken care of personally and directly, and it is accepted justice in Colombia.

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greenday says on Apr 5, 2005, 03:47:

Lionheart Remember: "knives don't kill, people do..."
also remember: "a gun trumps a knife any day"

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arturo says on Apr 5, 2005, 04:37:

as most of the people around i think this "present" was inadapted to the situation.

i am astonished too that your "friend" jaime hasnt prevenetd you from doint this...i dont think you need his services.

personally if i were you & if ok with your timetable & finance, i would give her a little visit as soon as possible...dont mind of her "i will forgive you in some months or i need time", just play the little boy who has done a bad thing & his very upset. she wont resist: women's mother instinct, you know what...

anyway, if there's no chemistry you'll meet many other girls and have some good times.

suerte

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greenday says on Apr 5, 2005, 07:16:

lionheart hey, aren't switch blade knives illegal in most (if not all) states??
but you have one...and YOU want to make owning guns illegal??? nice try...

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Lionheart says on Apr 7, 2005, 02:13:

too sad greenday doesn't get it - we are talking about Colombia here.

Greenday, a knife is silent death, a gun makes noise.

Greenday, with no laws you give idiots the right to own deadly weapons. I would rather be intelligent and own a weapon when it is forbidden ... it gives me the "cutting edge"...

greenday ... a knife well thrown is deadlier that the average gunshot.

greenday ... my weapon of choice is a crossbow

I kill, no witnesses needed ... a tough gun law makes my life easier.

smile ... and on the internet I can write what I want ....

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greenday says on Apr 7, 2005, 05:23:

lionheart does your sweet Caleña know about your violent tendencies and fantasies??? Very gruesome stuff...you might want to get some counseling.

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babygirl says on Apr 7, 2005, 07:34:

That's just creepy.

cheers - babygirl

cheers - babygirl

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greenday says on Apr 7, 2005, 08:15:

yeah baby girl alot of creeps on the internet, and he's even a moderator here!!!!!!!

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 7, 2005, 12:05:

Not only that, he's late for PE! C'mon, Lionheart, we're late for class, dude! We're gonna get a DR man.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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VanMan says on Apr 11, 2005, 08:55:

from one canadian to another
Hmm......well, i'm not a widower with 2 kids but....

1) if your wife is still always on your mind, maybe you should wait a little longer maybe?

2)internet dating? uhm...maybe meet them first than you can communicate through email/web/microphone/web-cam

3)you're a bit too sappy (but that's my taste)

5)i think you just need to find a "friend" in Colombia, wherever you plan to go (I recommend Bogota / Medellin) someone you think you can trust and can take out around town...you'll meet women in restaurants, bars, church,etc easily (like in any other country)

6)hopefully you're not butt ugly and boring and always sappy and uninteresting - if you are good luck in any country:)

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