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The Saga Continues. Trouble Brewing Part II

A week or so ago I posted about my friend's friend whose wife recently arrived here from Colombia. He's the clueless Mormon guy who kind of bit off more than he can chew in regards to this "relationship" he's involved with. Since then things have gone from bad to worse.

As was stated before my wife and I and the other couple who are friends with the Mormon guy, really wanted to help these two out, particularly the woman who seemed to be the victim in all of this. As information has unfurled and what I have observed with my own eyes I realize that my view of this whole situation was myoptic and that my initial impressions were incorrect.

My friend was very gracious in getting this woman job. There aren't too many people who come to this country and land a job seven days into getting here working in a nice restaurant. He felt bad becasue she had been crying and complaining about being "locked up" in the house and wanted to work, so he contacted some people and landed her a job at a restaurant.

The first day she worked everybody complemented her on her beauty and how nice she was. The owner told her that the job was entry level, but if she worked hard she would be promoted to a higher job with more money. Mind you the money that this woman was getting paid even at entry level was just $100.00 less than my wife gets paid after living here four years and she has all her papers in order.

The second day on the job this woman quit. Her reason? She didn't like people telling her what to do. The boss had asked her to please sweep up some rice that had spilled on the rug. She finished her shift, announced she was quitting, and then told her boss to please pay her.

The minute I heard that I knew that this woman was a high maintainence princess with issues. I told my buddy that my wife and I wanted nothing to do with this woman anymore and the situation we had been pulled in and that the husband really needed to think things thru and start using his head. He was headed towards a blind curve with no brakes.

A couple of days later I find out that my friend, the one that got the woman this job, had talked to another friend of his, a Colombian who lived in L.A. about this woman and asked him if he could find a job. I couldn't believe that he was still involved after what had happened. His relatives who helped him were furious at what the woman did, quitting a job after two days.

This Colombian guy calls the girl up and they start talking. It's 2:30 in the afternoon. She supposedly tells him to please help her and get her out of the house. The fool, smelling some tail, hightails it over to her house picks her up and brings her back to L.A. The girl does not call her fiance until she has left. The Colombian brings her back at 10:00. This guy was a total stranger until he called and she left with him without telling anybody. What's worse is that the Mormon was "happy" because his fiancee was looking for a job "with her new friend" When do you look for a job late in the afternoon and evening?

I really got on my friends case because I couldn't understand how anybody could be stupid enough to continue to be involved in such a dysfunctional situation and worse drag more people into it. I also told him that he needed to set his friend straight about his "fiancee" because she was going to completely ruin his life. He didn't want to so I took it upon myself. I just couldn't stand to see what was happening. This is what I wrote him: (Note names have been deleted)

"I'm going to be telling you some things that you aren't going to like and that are going to sting. Not because I like hurting people, but because I feel it's my responsibility as a human being to set you straight about the situation you are in.

From the beginning when you came over asking for advice regarding bringing over _____ in April both my wife and I had our doubts about the relationship. We know your living situation, your lack of experience in intimate relationships, you still being in school, your religion and enough background information about you to know that you were entering this situation very naively.

Meeting _______and seeing both of you together at our home confirmed our suspicions. I personally have never met a couple that was supposed to be getting married be so absolutely disengaged from one another. I didn't see anything there. It was like seeing a brother and sister together. I didn't see any physical contact, nor any kind of interaction that one would see between persons that are in love. None.

In the beginning both ____ and ________, my wife and myself, were very adamant about helping support you two, but in light of recent events, and I'll speak personally here, we don't want anything to do with this. It's a mess _____. I don't know if you are in denial because you can't bear the thought that after all the money and time you spent, _____ isn't the woman for you, or that there is something else, that only a licensed professional can explore with you.

You need to know that at our BBQ ______ sat down with ______ and my wife and stated emphatically that the more she got to know you, the more she realized you weren't for her. She told them that you would rather watch television than have sex with her. She told them that she felt trapped in your house. She told them that she was planning on telling you she didn't want to marry you. A woman that says these things isn't a woman that any sane man would have for a wife. This could only be a marriage of convenience, on her end a Green Card.

A woman who truly loves a man would not demonstrate the types of behaviors that ______ has been demonstrating since she arrived. A woman free of serious issues would not demonstrate the types of behaviors that Andrea has been demonstrating since she arrived. _____ was gracious enough to get her a job. A job that pays only a hundred dollars less than what my wife makes after living in the states for four years. ______ quit because she didn't want to take directions from someone. Rather than using this job as a stepping stone to bigger and better things she quit two days after starting the job. This isn't normal. Nobody from a foreign country, in the span of two weeks, lands a job at a restaurant and then quits two days later. If everyone quit a job every time someone told them what to do, nobody would be working.

The fact that _______ willingly left with a stranger to look for a job and returns at 10:00 in the evening speaks volumes about her. I have seen many dysfunctional relationships in my life, dozens, and honestly this without doubt is the worst one I have ever seen, hands down.

The best thing you can do is send ______ back to Colombia. She is not for you and you are not for her. Cut your losses. Don't ruin three lives because you won't believe what everyone around you knows.

I don't expect you to like my bluntness, but someone needs to point out the obvious to you.

From here on out you make your own decisions. My wife and I now longer want to be pulled into this drama that the two of you have created.

Good Luck"

The guy replied to my mail and told me it's worse, but he has been in denial because he "loves" her.

She didn't tell him she had a kid until he met up with her in Colombia. She had kept it secret.

She does not want her son to know she is getting married. She wants a "secret wedding" She does not want her son to know they are getting married. That's why he dosen't touch her in public.

My last correspondance:

"Based on everything you've said thus far, you know in your heart the reality of the situation you are. It's inescapable. If you let her she is going to break your heart and ruin your life. I've seen it happen. My friend went thru a similar experience with a Philippina he met in exactly the same way with almost identical circumstances, except she didn't have a kid. I warned my friend, like I've been warning you, to pull his head out of his ass and think before he acted. Hi didn't listen. He got married and it was miserable from the get-go. Six months later she accused him of abusing her. He got arrested. Later on he wound up having to sell his condo at a loss to pay for a lawyer. It wasn't pretty to watch, but it was his own fault because he didn't listen and refused to see the signs. They were right there in front of him. I don't hang out with him anymore. He became bitter and disillusioned and I couldn't be around him anymore. The woman destroyed his life. Actually, he let the woman destroy his life.

I'll paint the scenario for you _____. You are miserable now and you will be more miserable later. ________ is not going to change. Having the attitude "that's just _______ being _______" isn't going to cut it either. You are going to get married and you are not going to be happy because there is no foundation to build on. She will continue to complain and do off the wall things, like taking off for a few hours without telling you with strangers, that are going to drive you nuts and leave you with a pit of anxiety the size of a basketball in your stomach. You won't be able to concentrate at work or at school; you won't be able to sleep. Your life will be consumed with the agony she will put you thru. You are going to feel even more pressure than you do now trying to make her happy, but women like that are a bottomless pit of neediness. She is using you and she is going to stick around as long as she needs to until she finds somebody she really wants to be with and then she's going to jump ship and you are going to go into a tailspin. That is exactly what is going to happen.

Do yourself a favor and get her out of your life as quick and painlessly as you can."

Pray that this guy makes the right decision. I know he's pathetic and as much to blame for this mess as his "fiancee" but as an empathetic human being I don't like to see anyone go thru what he's going thru and the real hell he will go thru if he actually winds up getting married to this woman.

By (Deleted user) on Aug 12, 2006, 07:46 in Friendly Talkzone.

David in Idaho says on Aug 12, 2006, 08:03:

nicely done strobers Well, if the poor dude can't understand now, he is a lost case. I'd say you've gone above and beyond the call of duty with your thourough and kindly-blunt messages. "Andrea" sounds like a real nightmare! (Sorry, but after all those diligently erased names, you did let it slip!) Good thing not all Colombianas have cold blood and a forked tongue. But I guess you find those types all over. Even here in podunk Idaho! They just aren't as hot.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

webmanco says on Aug 12, 2006, 08:12:

Sorry for the kid.
Sorry for the kid.

...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ...

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bufalo says on Aug 12, 2006, 12:57:

Hey this is surprising, never seen this before.....noooooooo. Sucker is written all over his forehead. The idiot shows up in Colombia and surprise! she has a kid - that's the moment when he walks away, not because she has baggage, but because she lied.

No not all colombianas are like that, but when I read a story like this, it also doesn't surprise me because there are a lot of them out there, just not all. (And there are also a lot of dopes from the US who will go along with crap like this. He "loves " her, what an idiot). Lately I mostly see the dopes and the abusers down here, I don't know which group I dislike the most.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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pedro (☼Travelguide writer) says on Aug 12, 2006, 20:32:

strobers "Quien avisa, amigo es".

A common saying in Brazil. Does this translate in castellano like I have written it above?

que nota!

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billyb says on Aug 12, 2006, 21:47:

Pedro, yes it does. BillyB

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