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The Perfect Colombian Family

When i first met my girlfriend's family, i thought they were perfect and nice people. They had me fooled for a while. My girlfriend gave me bits and pieces. Now, i know a lot about each member of the family. Heres what learned:

FATHER - He seems like the nicest guy in the world. I found out that he used to be an alcoholic and used to hit the mother. He sometimes hit the children too. He also used to have other women on the side. Before he married the mother, he had a child with another woman.

MOTHER - She seems nice too and very religous. Now, i hear that she always yells at the family all the time and bosses them around.

BROTHER 1 - He has a bad tempered teenager and breaks things when he does'nt get what he wants. He always says stupid things to get people angry. When i see him, he seems normal and quiet.

BROTHER 2 - He's a couple of years older than the other brother, about 17 years old. I thought he was normal. I found out that he's gay and has a boyfriend 20 years older than him. The family is devestated. The father wants him out of the house. If not, then the father says he will leave. The mother always yells at him for going out late. They once caught him having icecream with older gay man after lying about going somewhere else. My girlfriend says she does'nt like to be near him.

SISTER - She's 19 years old and seems normal. The only thing; I thought since the mother was so religous, that she might still be a virgin. One day, she recommended to my girlfriend that we go to the same "love motel" that her and her boyfriend go to. Now, i realize that she is sexually active. One time she bent over and was wearing a very small thong. One bad thing i heard that she did was hit somebody with the car and drove away. They were driving the family car one day and a motorcyle cut in front of the car. She drove into him and he crashed. They kept driving but said other people stopped to help the man so they kept going.

GRANDMOTHER - The mother does'nt like the grandmother. When the mother was young, the grandmother stole the mother's boyfriend. She walked in on them having sex. The grandmother had around 10 babies with a few different men. She was a nymphomaniac.

THE GRANDFATHER - He's a 75 year old pervert that looks at porno magazines. My girlfriend does'nt feel comfortable around him. She said he looks at her body.

A BAD UNCLE - He spent time in jail. He gave a couple of young 13 year old girls a ride in his car. Along the way, he supposedly molested them.

MY GIRLFRIEND - She seems like a good girl. She goes to the university. She rarely goes out. I can call the house any night of the week and she will be home. The only problem with her is she is jealous. She does'nt like when i kiss the sister and aunts hello. Other than that, i have no complaints. The family is too much drama though.

By JoeC on Jan 30, 2006, 18:07 in Friendly Talkzone.

El_Pelaito_Piloso says on Jan 30, 2006, 18:28:

hey but whats the point hey joec
im new here and i dont know you
but i would like to know whats the point of your post. dont get me wrong i think its somehow funny because being a colombian and having a "perfect" colombian family, we too have our focked up side to each one of us i guess. Just wandering whats the point of your blog. and whats your point of view: are you a gringo, uno colombiano normal...?
Peace
ElPelaito

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El_Pelaito_Piloso says on Jan 30, 2006, 18:30:

sorry for the " uno colombiano normal"
queria decir un colombiano normal. sounds as if i were yanqui.hehe

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JoeC says on Jan 30, 2006, 18:36:

I'm a gringo.

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Bribeone says on Jan 30, 2006, 19:02:

huh Funny I read the same about plenty of families all over the world..so I really dont see the point you are trying to make. Yes sometimes Colombians can have disfunctional families too. It's not only a U.S epidemic

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davidfmbca says on Jan 30, 2006, 20:15:

Whats the problem Yes, there are a lot of families that have their issues. Its sounds like your girlfriend is the only one who doesn't have a lot of hangups. She's probably thankful she has you and would make a good loving, and appreciative wife. Maybe if you got her away from all those perverts, she would start to enjoy life and the two of you can start to live your own life and enjoy each other. Suggestion. Marry her, get her out of there, and give her lots of love and attention and you'll probably be the luckiest guy in the world. A dedicated, stay at home, appreciative wife is a dream come true. Enjoy! Jealousy is normal so why not try to not make her jealous.

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miamimike says on Jan 30, 2006, 20:22:

Joe --I found it entertaining..Write some more Ja Ja Ja Can't say I haven't heard it before-I see a lot of the same behavior in Miami but then again the Culture is the same as if you never left Col-out of 15 Condos on my Floor- 3 are Gringos-rest all Latinos so I see a lot of the same-like a Telenovela! JA JA

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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chachi says on Jan 30, 2006, 20:37:

Perfect Family So, why are you soo surprised?!! Is it because you were hoping that colombian families were normal compared to the american ones, as you now know it doesn't jjst happen in the US...keep looking, but it happens in every family no matter what social class culture or religion...

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airetuPaL says on Jan 30, 2006, 21:36:

Whats your f*cking point? I take it that your f*cking family is any better? Ive seen much worse in American families JoeC. Unless of course being a gringo hick is normal to you, then you and your clan must have some sort of envy then. Grow the f*ck up! Or at least have the balls to post your own families drama so the rest of us can compare and laugh.

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Compadre says on Jan 30, 2006, 21:57:

Joec... You skipped a person in your girlfriend's family list:

YOU.

make it funnier, talk about you... I guess there's something weird about you too.
I'll get the pop corn...

Si del cielo te caen limones; aprende a hacer limonada.

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JoeC says on Jan 30, 2006, 22:35:

I was'nt comparing Colombian families with American families. I was only talking about one particular family i know in Colombia. Its interesting to see how people on here can start an arguement from nothing. Right away it turns into a Colombia vs U.S. thing.

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JoeC says on Jan 30, 2006, 22:47:

ok "make it funnier, talk about you... I guess there's something weird about you too".

Of course there are weird things about me that they don't know about. I have a very bad family. My father is a worse drunk than her father ever was. My father has been arrested for drunk driving several times. He once flipped over his car while driving drunk. He left the seen and later told police that i was driving. My mother is a very cold women. She never showed me any affection. My older brother is a snob. He's making six figures and thinks he's better than everybody. My youngest brother was a drug dealer.

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elmodefoque says on Jan 31, 2006, 04:46:

Hey! Wtf! I come from a perfect Colombian family too. My mother abandoned us and took off with a corroncho Barranquillero bus driver, I did not see her again for nearly 20 years. I found my maternal grandfather drunk in a bar not too far from home, everyone though he was just past-out as always, but I notice he had an unusual higher number of flies going in and outta his mouth, he was dead for hours as the music played on. My paternal grandfather was half Arab and full blooded thief who gambled most of the family wealth away, about 150 goats. My father got into trouble with other Guajiros and we had to leave colombia really quick, back in the early 60's

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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miamimike says on Jan 31, 2006, 06:25:

Elmo Way Too Funny.... " I found my maternal grandfather drunk in a bar not too far from home, everyone though he was just past-out as always, but I notice he had an unusual higher number of flies going in and outta his mouth, he was dead for hours as the music played on." Sounds like Al Pacino in the final scene in Godfather Part 3!! With That one, I almost fell off my computer stool laughing.. LOL

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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airetuPaL says on Jan 31, 2006, 06:59:

Not really. Its not a US vs. Colombia thing. When you post a stupid-ass header like that and then you sarcastically post the private lives of your COLOMBIAN girlfriends family, it makes you look like that f*cking *sshole that you really are! Think about it f*cking DIMWIT!!

ps. I guess you wouldnt be too happy if your Colombian queen posted on a Colombian forum all of your families shortcomings. Would you like that? Vete para la mierda gringo HP!

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elmodefoque says on Jan 31, 2006, 07:16:

I gotta agree, way, way, way too many arepa eating Colombians in the USA and my father is highly responsible for the mass migration. Though there are very few costeños living here, I would say that we were pioneers. Back in 1962 there was not a single Colombian. All I saw uptown Manhattan was Puerto Ricans, Cubans and some Russian and a couple Spaniards. Queens was still all potato eating drunken Irish and a couple spaghetti eating wop. If we wanted to see other Colombians we went to the now defunct merchant marine FLOTA MERCANTE GRAN COLOMBIANA then docked in Brooklyn. My father new a couple of the captains and we used to hang out in the ship eating typical Colombian food. I once hid inside to sneak back home, but luckily they found my little ass.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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miamimike says on Jan 31, 2006, 12:23:

Hey Elmo--How long has El Gran Colombia Been Defunct? When I shipped out in the Merchant Marine in the late 70s-80s many times I used to see the Gran Col Fleet Ships moored by ours in many world ports such as Japan, Greece,Bilboa(panama--the col marineros used to head to "Gloria's Casa" as well as us-best looking girls in all of south america--jaja))ect. Funny, but true! They were pretty nice ships and well maintained. Since I left the Merchants in 1987 I haven't followed a lot of the Private Ships-who is still around and who isn't. Elmo Since you live in NYC, did you know of the National Maritime School and Shipping Hall -located at 17th and 7th in Chelsea(nyc)? I went to Liquid Natural Gas School(for those large ships with the huge silver spheres mounted to the decks used to transport this form of Gas)) there for several months--Nice Area!This was in 1982.

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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miamimike says on Jan 31, 2006, 12:55:

Hey elmo, something like that happened to my Old Man JAJA " found my maternal grandfather drunk in a bar not too far from home, everyone though he was just past-out as always, but I notice he had an unusual higher number of flies going in and outta his mouth, he was dead for hours as the music played on".
=====================================================================

This happened to my Old Man also but not in a Bar! In his own house! In 1991- my dad was watching TV or my Stepmother(la bruja)at least thought so. As they didn't talk much(communication was not their forte)He was in his lazyBoy and the Home Health Visiting Nurse just happened to stop by on her weekly visit that day to check the Old Man's Blood Pressure. When she went to wake him-it turned out rigor mortis had already set in--he was stiff as a Board! Turned out he had been dead 3-4 hours and the Wife was like sitting in the sofa 6 feet away and never knew it or maybe she did and didn't care! I think it was the latter! JAJA Happens in American Family's also Elmo! At least your Abuelo had Fun on the way out in some Taberna unlike my Old Man who was a Party Pooper! The Stepmother Put his home and 45 acres up for sale 3 days later and within 20 days the place was sold! ! Never returned again to even to sleep in the house from that day on! She was an Immigrant from Ireland and 22 years younger(thats what happens in these young woman-old man marriages fellows) then him! Thats what happens many times!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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airetuPaL says on Jan 31, 2006, 16:19:

Doesn't bother me at all Did I struck a nerve with you GIB? I didnt know you took up the cause for all gringo hicks everwhere? Does the shoe fit? Pretty big words there GIB, it doesnt bother me one bit if you or anyone calls me spic or anything else for that matter. You see thats the beauty of the internet, you can talk all of the mierda you want, but I CAN guarantee that you or anyone wont say that to my face! Believe that! JoeC should of known better to post a dumbass header like that only to ridicule his supposed girlfriends family. That showed a lack of class and respect. It was a HICK thing to do. You know it! Now since you entered the foray, I take it that you and yours have lived in glass houses? I dont think so. I dont live in a glass house either, but I wont post negative mierda about anyone, including hicks.

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JoeC says on Jan 31, 2006, 23:35:

I'll say it to your face, scumbag. Where do you live?

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Miguel says on Feb 1, 2006, 00:00:

All together now... Jesus was a capricorn
He ate organic food
He believed in love and peace
And never wore no shoes

Long hair, beard and sandles
And a funky bunch of friends
Reckon we’d just nail him up
If he came down again

Chorus:
’cause everybody’s gotta have somebody to look down on
Who they can feel better than at any time they please
Someone doin’ somethin’ dirty decent folks can frown on
If you can’t find nobody else, then help yourself to me

Eggheads cussing rednecks cussing
Hippies for their hair
Others laugh at straights who laugh at
Freaks who laugh at squares

Some folks hate the whites
Who hate the blacks who hate the klan
Most of us hate anything that
We don’t understand

Kristofferson

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elmodefoque says on Feb 1, 2006, 04:41:

Mike, I think flota mercante grancolombiana went belly-up, but I could be wrong. I do remember it was a business venture between Colombia, Ecuador and Venezuela. In the late 70’s or 80’s they were kicked outta Brooklyn due to heavy drug traffic. When Colombians got hip to gringos very healthy appetite for perico, a lotta the guys working on those ships decided to make extra cash on the side. Eventually the fines got to be too much for the fleet and that’s when shit went down hill.
Chelsea in Manhattan is a fantastic neighborhood, now is about 80 percent gay. Lots of big muscular, mustachio modefoques walking around hand in hand, but that shit don’t bother me; I’m not the one getting a platano up my ass.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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