Strategies for dating "good" Colombianas

caulfield2 says on May 5, 2006, 10:28:

Well, I think there's a distinction between an actual ad and the thought process behind it. I also think that there SHOULD be more discussion about the "right" kind of women here in Colombia, as opposed to the usual tripe.

I'm not trying to find a date, I have more than enough to go out every night of the week...I just want to find ONE woman I would like to go out EVERY night of the week with, lol.

daver says on May 5, 2006, 11:00:

caulfield2,

Seems as though you want the "perfect" woman.

It reminds me of a couple jokes:

1. A perfect woman and Santa Claus were in a car, and it crashed. Who was driving?

No one. Everyone knows Santa Claus and a perfect woman are just a myth.

2. I guy I worked with a while back had a sign above his desk which said:

"Every great man needs one great woman... or a whole bunch of average ones."

Anyway, good luck on your quest, and despite the odds, I hope you succeed.

Dave

Flyinrob13 says on May 5, 2006, 11:17:

There are a lot of guys I worked with in Colombia who found the same thing youre looking for. Sometimes you get lucky and find it right away, and sometimes you have to wait a while. I wouldnt get down on a girl though who wanted to go to the US. I met a lot of great women who would like to visit the states, but would never leave Colombia, but I also met some great ladies who would love an opportunity to live in another Country. Hey, I wanted to live and work in another Country, so I understand. I think that youre just a bit paranoid about being with a chick that just wants the blue passport and not you. You should be able to tell.

As far as the money goes, dont be cheap, but dont be a walking ATM either. Thats the way I look at it.

daver says on May 5, 2006, 11:43:

GringoD, I agree, I was just sharing a couple jokes, and I wished the guy luck.

Ps. I don't want in on this People vs Morphus deal! LOL!

Dave

bufalo says on May 5, 2006, 12:36:

Before my wife and I got married, she would have kicked my ass if I paid 300,000 COP in Studio F for jeans and a blouse. I feel lucky to say that she will still kick my ass if I paid 300,000 in Studio F for jeans and a blouse.
She had nothing really against it, but the US wasn't high on her list of places to go, she liked Europe better. Since meeting we have lived in Montevideo, Colombia, NYC and Barcelona (some of those countries several times, all in 3 1/2 years married so far). We try not to do it expensive. Now we are in colombia again and want to stay here, one of the things I liked about her. I feel I got lucky, because there are a lot here that look for a quick ticket out. Nothing wrong with someone looking to meet and date and marry others from other countries as long as it isn't just .... in interest? I mean some here say they want to marry a gringo because it will be a better life for them as in - more serious stable relationship with a hardworking person that isn't going to cheat every chance he can get. True it is generalizing but big deal, how many women here in Colombia feel that way???? I don't see these women as bad. The ones who'll sleep with anyone as a means to get out, well yes, to me that is different.
I have more to say, but I'm now going to go take a dip in the Amazon with my wife and three year old, excuse me (insert winking face here)

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

caulfield2 says on May 5, 2006, 12:46:

Big A, which is assume doesn´t have any connection to Anaheim, California, and the Angels stadium, lol.

My ex is from the former Soviet block, Yaroslavl, a town about 3 hours northeast of Moscow. The women from this part of the world do tend to speak English more fluently, and at any earlier age. My ex was required to start English in 5th grade and has continued ever since.

I do think the women here, on average, tend to be more romantic, family-oriented and optimistic than women from Eastern Europe. The people here are very resilient, look at all the disparaging comments that have been made about Colombia over the last 25 years. I also think part of it has to do with faith...not a specific religion, per se, but belief in a higher power. The women from Eastern Europe tend to be more pragmatic, more oriented around survival.

But I´m with you...when my contract is up here in the summer of 2007, I might return to the US, or I might go to another country as a teacher, like China-Japan-Korea-Taiwan. I´ve always wanted to travel to that part of the world, and, just like here, if I meet someone, great, if not, it´s certainly not the end of the world.

Communication is certainly much easier with someone from the US or Europe, that´s for sure. Even after 9 months, I am far from fluent in Spanish. However, that doesn´t mean I have crossed out the idea of marrying a Latin women completely. It´s just that I have mixed feelings right now.

As far as the woman of unimaginable beauty (I think that´s the word you were writing), is she from the Czech Republic or Slovakia? I have quite a few contacts in that part of the world, because I did a project on human trafficking for a sociology class. Many women from this part of the world end up in Italy, Spain and especially Israel. They are often lured by bogus job offers, their passports or visas are taken away and they´re forced into a life of indentured servitude...continuing on only until their hope of getting back to their family is extinguished. Many stories I read end badly, with the women committing suicide rather than continuing. I have a lot of contacts in Russia, Ukraine and Prague if there is anything that can be done to help her.

jewisler at yahoo.com

caulfield2 says on May 5, 2006, 12:46:

Big A, which is assume doesn repeat message...ignore

caulfield2 says on May 5, 2006, 12:51:

Big A, nothing surprises me. I met a few women in St. Petersburg, Russia, that did the same thing...they were making $30,000 or so per year doing on-line chat, wearing provocative clothing...but certainly not taking off their clothing or doing anything else demeaning besides chatting. The difference is they were doing it voluntarily, to pay for school, vacation, car, clothing, etc.

And there are thousands of men around the world paying $4.99 per minute for the right (or opportunity) to speak to these women.

utopiacowboy says on May 5, 2006, 13:35:

My brother is married to an ethnic Russian from the Ukraine. She's half-Jewish as well but her father still insists on hanging a picture of Stalin on the wall. I wouldn't touch an Eastern European woman with YOUR pole, let alone a ten foot pole.

I think your approach is a good one, Caulfield. It's not too different from the one I took looking for a Mexicana who lived close by but then I took a "wrong" turn and went way down south.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

caslug says on May 5, 2006, 13:51:

caufield.. maybe your problem is you're.. living in a small city. I spent lots of time in Cali/Medellin and never had a problem finding educated, professional, attractive women both fr the internet and fr day-to-day situation. In 2 months i met 3 attractive gals that had visa(2 had visa to the US and one had visa to europe). None of them were fr the internet, i met them in the mall, airport, and metro.

Also, if you're planning on leaving the country in a year and your not divorce yet(hence, cant process fiance visa for a new gal). What's the point of worry about meeting the "perfect" gal. Just date & have fun. Kinda like Morphus.. LOL!

Coolgirl says on May 5, 2006, 14:18:

caulfield2 It seems that we both are looking for the perfect mate!!!
I share your feelings.
I am not trying to say we need to hook up, I live in the US.
I hope you find that girl you are looking for, I know you will.
Are you sure you would like to date someone who already has a child?
I have one and it is very hard to find someone that will be willing and able to help raise a child that is not your own. I have not found it yet, but I will eventually. Children are beautiful and they need plenty of attention and guidance, right guidance. They need plenty of love, support and you need to make sure that you are going to be able to provide that, otherwise you will be hurting the child, the mother of that child and yourself. Just a though!!
You just need to take things slow and everything will fall in place.
That is what I am doing as I hope to find the right mate for me and the right person that will love to help me raise my child.

Monica

paisa29 says on May 5, 2006, 16:12:

The best strategy is being yourself and waiting for the right one.

Coolgirl says on May 5, 2006, 16:48:

GringoD I appreciate your input on that subject. I am sure that there is a person that would have that heart to try to make it happen; I am just not rushing to get there.
I did that for a long time and I just do not need to be doing that. Here in Florida it is very hard to find someone like that. People nowadays do not want to make such a big commitment. I have experience a lot of hurting situations, but I have learned a lot from them. This does not mean because of my past experiences I am going to Judge or generalize. I am very open when it comes to make friends and getting to know them.
Thanks for your kind words.

Monica

caulfield2 says on May 5, 2006, 17:18:

Coolgirl,

I know it´s hard. I had an ex that I almost asked to marry me. She had the greatest son in the world, and he obviously needed a male influence in his life, as he was 6. It was at the age that it´s still relatively easy to be perceived as a parent...this is obviously much more difficult with teenagers, and even moreso when the father has been involved in raising the kid or kids. She was blonde, the biological father was a former track star at LSU (he was black, her son bi-racial) and a drug addict. She was also Mormon, with 13 brothers and sisters, and she was the only one who had left the church. Not to mention the fact that she had to put up with her siblings ¨forgiving¨ her for having a child out of wedlock.

Personally, I love kids and I would rather have adopted her kid than married her, because we weren´t totally compatible. The problem is that the more I got involved, the more I realized I had to decide quickly about the future, because it wasn´t fair for her to keep bringing men into and out of her son´s life.

Usually women hear that their kids are the reason for the breakup...the guy thought he could handle it but when he got into the situation itself, his first instinct was to run. Then there are the guys who want to come over late for a booty call but don´t want to spend any quality time getting to know the kid. But don´t give up trying.

Coolgirl says on May 5, 2006, 19:33:

caulfield2 I know all about it, it happened to me last year.
My date then realized and told me that I was too much of a hassle because I caused him too many problems (My struggles as a single mom) and therefore I decided then that I was not to bring men into my son's life unless I know for sure that He is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

"Usually women hear that their kids are the reason for the breakup...the guy thought he could handle it but when he got into the situation itself, his first instinct was to run. Then there are the guys who want to come over late for a booty call but don’t want to spend any quality time getting to know the kid"
I lived trough this also and learned from it!!!!! Very true!!!!!
Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Monica

Lucia Rojas says on May 5, 2006, 19:40:

You seem like the perfect man... you seem like the perfect man... really!
How old are you? jejeje ;)

utopiacowboy says on May 5, 2006, 21:22:

You never know, Coolgirl. You may run into a moron like me who's willing to saddle himself with three more kids in addition to the four he already had. Even a loser gets lucky sometimes.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 05:43:

"Strategies for dating "good" Colombianas"

What do you mean by dating? "Dating Colombianas" is just a polite way of saying you are having sex with them or "banging" them. Lets be honest. Thats what Claufield2 really wants to do, right? He likes to lie to himself and say that he needs to find someone that is compatible with him. Subconsciously, he just wants to copulate with different women. He considers himself an intellectual, so if he admits his true desires to himself, he will feel like a lower species.

This is my list for "dating" Colombianas in Colombia:

1. Must be between 18-24. I'll go older than that in some cases but they have to be hot.

2. Must have a good body. No fat chicks!

3. She goes to school/university or has a job. I don't care what school she goes to or what kind of job she has. Even if she is a maid, its a good sign that she is not a prostitute and would rather do labor than be a prostitute. A lot of guys get fooled by pre-pago chicas that refuse gifts and chip in a couple of pesos. They know how to play those guys for a visa.

4. Does'nt smoke. I like a girl that smells and tastes good.

5. Has sex by the third date. I will only wait longer if she is a virgin.

paisa29 says on May 6, 2006, 07:27:

Morphus...I think you are in the wrong website, I hardly think you are gonna find that kind of woman here.

caulfield2 says on May 6, 2006, 08:01:

How charitable of you morphy, but seriously, do you ask every single girl you ask out if she is a virgin? How, exactly, do you bring that up in conversation on your first, second or third date? And most of them simply react nonchalantly, as if you were asking them what their favorite novela was? Finally, how do you know they're telling the truth, not just what they want you to hear?

The best relationship (3 months) that I had down here was with a woman that I never had sex with...close, but we decided to wait because I was going back for one month around Christmas and she was figuring out if she would be moving to Venezuela permanently.

Once again, you're projecting your desires onto me. Just because you CAN have sex with someone that you have no or little feelings for doesn't mean everyone else can do the same thing. That's you, not me. The times that it has happened, you just feel empty the next day...but I'm sure you have that unique ability to establish an emotional and psychological closeness with a woman by the 3rd date, right? Otherwise, it's just exercise and two people using each other for totally different things.

By the way, all men are a lower species, lol, but some are LOWER than others!

I am really impressed with your high standards in the selection process though. It seems you are setting the bar quite high, and the maids of Colombia appreciate your dedication to bettering their conditions by gracing them with your gringo presence for a quickie now and then.

By the way, nobody is going to get a visa unless the guy wants her to...it's a quite complicated and lengthy process that tests most sane men. I'm sure, though, that you're quite proud you haven't spoken to one Colombian girl about a visa, because they just love you for who you are and want nothing else but your company, right?

As far as the whole sex on the 3rd date rule, good luck with that one. You're in dreamland if you think any girl that would give it up that quickly and easily is a respectable woman. Of course, that's probably not what you are looking for either. Just the path of least resistance, with the lowest possible amount of work on your part to get what you want. But just curious, since you're never going to do a visa for a girl, what is it that you use to entice these young women into sleeping with you so quickly? Is it your charm, wit and charisma that are demonstrated ad infinitum here?

redway says on May 6, 2006, 08:14:

Morphus Why do you prey on women in Colombia?

caulfield2 says on May 6, 2006, 08:26:

This is the fascinating thing about the Internet, to me. That two disparate individuals such as yourself and Mr. Morphus would cross paths, as you would certainly not travel in the same circles in real life, so to speak.

Where is Redway, by the way? I'm assuming it is to the northern part of the state, and probably making a mistake in interpreting as being connected to redwood trees?

Anyway, thanks for posting. The more women like yourself who post here, the better off this site will be, and the more pressure there will be on morphus to quit pandering to the lowest common denominator. The more women on a board, USUALLY, the more likely it is that the men will attempt to present a better image of themselves. Of course, morphus doesn't need approbation, nor to be condoned. But you can imagine what a board like this would be were there NO women. The morphus element might take over!

By the way, if you don't mind my asking, what is your connection to Colombia? Obviously you have one, if you have travelled back and forth so many times. And what do you do now, are you still in teaching? What subjects? The more we talk about intellectual topics, the more likely that morphus will conveniently disappear from the thread, only to return when the coast is clear.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 08:40:

Lots of Redwood Trees here. Many cut down, unfortunately. Thanks Caulfield2. I'm just waking up and, you know, HAD to respond to Morphus. My job is renovating houses.

caulfield2 says on May 6, 2006, 08:48:

Hmmm...what is it, something like 30% of houses are being sold in the US now for investment purposes, I am assuming even moreso now in California?

Are you worried about the interest rate hikes and the market turning against those who are holding multiple properties? Everyone keeps speculating that the credit card-debt situation in the US, combined with ARM's and-or adjustable rate mortgages, is going to cause another bubble of irrational exuberance to burst.

It seems like when anyone sees someone else making a profit, doing practically anything, they jump in at the last second and take a beating...this happened to a ton of investors in 2000 and 2001, especially those who purchased tech stocks. The ones I feel sorriest for are the senior citizens whose children or brokers-advisors put them into tech stocks instead of maintaining a more sane allocation of mostly bonds mixed in with a few traditional, stable stock investments, like the S&P 500 index or something similar.

You were almost there for the famous Stanford-Cal football game when Elway was the quarterback and the band was on the field when the final touchdown was scored on a return. Probably the most famous play in college football history.

By the way, I did two terms in AmeriCorps, the domestic service version of the Peace Corps. Even though I only made poverty-level wages (it was a little over $8,000 in 1998), it was the greatest and most eye-opening experience of my life. While not in the Peace Corps now, living here in Colombia has provided me opportunities to do many similar activities, albeit I am a full-time teacher in a colegio and also teach at a university 4 times per week at night.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 08:58:

Wierd. I've actually never gone to the BIG GAME. My son has gone a number of times, though. I know someone who is a stock broker and says he makes 11% per year. Basically, stocks scare me.The only big play I remember was when I was sitting in Wurster Hall, upstairs in the studio, when the building practically shook from the screaming when Cal beat Oregon in the last few minutes of the game. I watch all the Cal games now on television. Funny t-shirts were made of the Bears beating the Ducks.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 09:12:

Caulfield2 Where in Colombia?

caulfield2 says on May 6, 2006, 09:14:

I think the historical stock market average since the Great Depression is closer to 9 or maybe 10% now with the recent gains this year. Of course, you have to take into consideration inflation (3-4%) and taxes. But I would be happy if I could be guaranteed 10% a year for the next twenty years, assuming there's going to be no return to the inflation malaise of the 1970's.

Cal has had some very good teams over the last five seasons, especially when Aaron Rodgers was QB. So, the Peace Corps dude fluent in 4 languages became your husband and the father of your children, lol? Or incorrect assumption?

redway says on May 6, 2006, 09:20:

Aaron Rogers left us (Cal) to play pro The peace corps dude was my neighbor Ross. My son's father is a Cal alum who does real estate law. I have one child who is now grown. All I can say about Aaron Rogers is I wish he could have stuck it out at Cal. God, we were doing so good, finally.

Coolgirl says on May 6, 2006, 09:52:

caulfield2 Talking about AmeriCorps, Caulfiled2 would you recomend me to get involved?
I was looking into get some extra money, but I wanted to do it in a way that I could help others. As I look into the Finaid website I found the Americorps organization and though on volunteering, but I was not sure how the organization works and how to approach it.
Could you please give some advices on this though?
Thanks in advance!

Monica

redway says on May 6, 2006, 09:57:

Right on Coolgirl Good thing to do. Help her Caulfield2!

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 10:04:

? "My question to Morphus. Wy do you prey on women in Colombia"?

I don't prey on women. I know a few girls in Colombia. They keep calling me and asking me when i'm going to Colombia. Now, i'm forced to go in June/July. Every time I go down there, I end up meeting more girls. Its a vicious cycle. I'm going to try to stay out of trouble. First, i'm going to fly into Cartagena. I'm going to fly my girl from Bogota into Cartagena to meet me for a few days. She's 21 years old and is a chemical engineer. She looks like a model and was a virgin when we first met 3 years ago. After she flies back to Bogota, I'm off to Medellin. I have 3 girls there. One lives in Laureles, one in Belen and the other in Barrio Buenos Aires. Two of the girls are 18 and the other just turned 19. I'm sure i'm a saint compared to Caufield..ha ha

Blue says on May 6, 2006, 10:06:

Well Caulfield...
Here you go again trying to impose your values and ethics on others. “Anyway, thanks for posting. The more women like yourself who post here, the better off this site will be, and the more pressure there will be on morphus to quit pandering to the lowest common denominator� Intolerance for another’s lifestyle is becoming a major theme in your thinking…lol

Anyway, about your original question. I would guess the most important thing to look for after your standard criteria, would be adaptability. Your concerns about a woman’s independence and also education might help answer whether she could adapt when she leaves her home for the culture-shock she surely will face in the U.S. The U.S. is not an easy place to live for many if not most immigrants. Unless you speak perfect English without any accent, second-class citizenship is a reality. Even so for those who are from “white countries� and have been here for decades. If you have an accent, at some level, you’re considered inferior and people wonder why you’re here. This is especially true for non-whites. I’m sure that’s part of the reason why they don’t assimilate well and form their own communities. This adaptability issue also applies to a guy. Bring a foreign wife to the states and expect others to question your motives and assume an inability to get an American babe due to some defect. This may not occur within your own family but will inevitably happen in other situations.

So how do you determine whether someone can resist these things and make a successful adaptation to what awaits them? It might be one of those things that’s so unique that only the experience itself will tell. Otherwise, carefully look for clues of general adaptability across a wide variety of situations.

I’m sure you’ll end up with a classy woman. The best marriage advice I got was from my grandfather just prior to my first marriage: Go into marriage with both eyes wide open. After marriage you’ll have to close one eye to keep things on an even keel.

Blue

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 10:44:

GringoD, Caufield2 has got all the women here fooled. Even Paisa29 is being wooed by his charms which is'nt easy...ha ha

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 10:49:

I never posted her picture on here. None of my girls have an adams apple. I'm too smart for that. If you met my girls, you would explode in your pants.

caslug says on May 6, 2006, 11:00:

caufield..seems like you're making an effort.. to show everyone(internet stranger) you're a nice, decent guy. Good for you! Just that in the scheme of things, it doesn't amount to a hill of beans..

Morphus, is just having a fun time posting his exp and not really caring what bunch of internet stranger think. Fr his posting, he seems like a arrogant, well-travelled, doesnt take himself to seriously & funny guy. Women wherever they reside are attracted to those types of guys.

What's wrong with wanting to have sex after 3 dates? relationship without sex is not a true relationship. Because the gal never know if the guys is being sweet because he trying to get it.. A wise man once told me, the most honest conversation a women and man can have is immediately AFTER sex. Because at time, the guy is satisfied, no longer needs to engage in any sweet talk/BS, because he "got some". Prior to sex(esp first time in the relationship), guys consciously/unconsciously are will say many things to get in the gals pants.

Also, gals like sex too! so why keep them waiting, heck sometimes, they're the one initiating it by the 3rd date. One thing i notice about women in COL vs US, is US gals are alot more sexually liberated(good thing), than COL gals. US gals have LESS of a hang-up about having sex. Because they learn that sex for women can be fun JUST like guys. While in COL, with it's sexist whore/madonna culture. Any women that enjoy sex, maybe label by society as a slut. But guys that have multiple GF is not as frown upon. It's a macho thing. single-mom are never sought after by col guys for serious relationshp or marriage material. BUT guys who father kids and leave their gf/wives and hook up with new GF/wives are have no problem. Unfair if you ask me.

utopiacowboy says on May 6, 2006, 12:08:

Trust me, Morph, I would not explode in my pants if I met your girls. Young girls just remind me of my daughters and how young and ridiculous they are. Ridiculous in a nice way of course. They are just so naive and inexperienced that you can't take them seriously.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

kernow62 says on May 6, 2006, 12:32:

Morphus wrote:
If you met my Morphus wrote:
If you met my girls, you would explode in your pants.

If you ate one of my lentil surprise dinners you would explode in your pants!

redway says on May 6, 2006, 12:32:

Bi-lingual One of the strongest things any job applicant can bring to the table today is the ability to speak a foreign language in the U.S..

poco says on May 6, 2006, 13:34:

Toothless Cambodians with $750,000 homes,no English. The U.S. is not an easy place to live for many if not most immigrants. Unless you speak perfect English without any accent, second-class citizenship is a reality.

This is an example of erroneous perceptions projected upon others and may be an attempt to make the person feel better about their personal situation. What better method to assume a position of superiority to compensate for individual personal failures.

The basic reasoning might be: I’m fluent and speak perfect English and life is difficult. Thus, it must be impossible for those that don’t possess my skills.

Living in a multi cultural and ethnic environment in the U.S. has proven to me that it should be extremely embarrassing observing large numbers of the persons you refer to as “second class citizens� doing MUCH better while possessing your assumed “handicaps�.

What thought process allows those who have been afforded ALL THE ADVANTAGES of a system watch others succeed while they whine and blame everyone but themselves for their perceived problems and resultant failures?

In some instances the person becomes aware that they are their own worst enemy and usually have wasted the first 50 years of their life.

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 13:47:

? " Young girls just remind me of my daughters"

UC, does your wife remind you of your younger sister?

GringoD, i'm glad you guys like older women. I guess you guys get less picky as you get older. You should see the women my father dates. He does'nt mind them old and fat. I don't know how he does it. I would rather watch a porno. One time he wanted to set me up with one of his girlfriend's daughters. He said the girl looked like Marilyn Monroe. I guess he meant the 300lb version.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 14:16:

Morph-Remember the thing about sticking to COLOMBIA? I shouldn't have made the post about your sock sticking out of your shorts. I mistakenly sent it twice, to make matters worse. It was a personal cut and my attempt at humor. I wouldn't make remarks about other people's wives. That quickly becomes insulting. Caulfield2 is-sounds like-a very nice person. I won't say anything about your shorts if you won't make direct insults. O.K.?

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 14:50:

Redway, what about my shorts? Did I miss something? You can say anything you want about me.

GringoD, I like the 30 year old Colombianas that look 18 years old.

caslug says on May 6, 2006, 14:57:

coolgirl..are still looking to move back to cali to pursue music career? Finding "decent" guy that will accept a single mom is LOTS easier in US than COL. Heck, if you been reading this site, you can't help but notice several male poster ARE dating single mom IN COL. So if you already have residency in the US, guys wouldn't have to go ALL the way to COL to find you!

Sure there are guys in the states dont want serious relationship w/ single mom. But many guys don't have a problem with it. BUT in COL i don't think you'll find ANY guy that will want a relationship(beyond booty call) with single mom. You can be hot looking in COL, but COL guys still won't want a serious relationship, but in the US, if you attractive, you should have NO problem finding guys that are open to serious relationship. Good luck!

redway says on May 6, 2006, 14:57:

Ok You Are Funny. I don't like saying mean things about your shorts.

utopiacowboy says on May 6, 2006, 15:01:

My wife might remind me of my sister if my sister was a hot Colombiana but unfortunately she's just a typical gringa. I guess that's why they say it's like kissing your sister. I'm not knocking guys who like high school girls - my sons like high school girls but then, they're in high school. When I compare my wife to their high school girlfriends, I'd rather go to bed with my wife. For me as a grown man, these little girls just don't make it.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 15:20:

Coolgirl Keep Your Spirits Up If I wasn't in California-I'd offer to babysit. Anyway, your child is so much more important than any male you are ever going to meet. Anyone who doesn't want anything to do with parenting and only sex is worthless on an emotional level. You are cool and you will meet someone. If someone loves you, that person will love your child. Period.

Colombiche says on May 6, 2006, 15:57:

Languages... "Unless you speak perfect English without any accent, second-class citizenship is a reality. Even so for those who are from “white countries� and have been here for decades. If you have an accent, at some level, you’re considered inferior and people wonder why you’re here." -- Blue

When a person speaks English with an accent, all that means is that English is their second language. That means that they have the ability to communicate in at least two languages, which is a heck of a lot more than most people can do.

Anybody that learns a foreign language after the age of 12, will most likely have an accent unless they have an exceptionally good ear for sounds and the uncanny ability to internalize and imitate them.

When a US born wasp American speaks Spanish, he too has an accent. Raise a British person in China, among Mandarin speaking people and he or she will have a Mandarin accent when they speak English. An accent is just a consequence of the sounds you got accustomed to making during you formative years. I have no clue how anybody in their sound mind can equate that with superiority or inferiority.

Why are these people in a different country? Because of conditions back in their homeland (economic or related to personal safety) that forced them to immigrate. That does not reflect what this person is capable of achieving. I believe that if you are intelligent enough, and want it bad enough, you will achieve whatever goals you set for yourself, regardless of your nationality. There are smart and stupid people in every country on earth.

In my case, as a hispanic who learned to speak English at the age of 10, having a very slight accent when speaking English poses absolutely no handicap. I actually excelled at English classes throughout my highschool years, and oftentimes scored higher grades than a lot of native English speakers.

At work, I hold the same position and have the same salary as the white Canadian boy who sits beside me (we also drive the same make and model car by the way). I actually have an unfair advantage over him, because I get to manage projects not only in Canada and the US, but also all over Latin America and the Caribbean, (I'm off to DR in a month, off to Mayorca in 3), while he is confined to running projects only in the English speaking countries.

If your theory about inferiority is correct, then all the white, anglo, Canadian born people that I work with should be way ahead of me (because according to you I'm inferior, plus I had to start from scratch). The great majority are not, we are all working class people. Of course, if everybody was a bigot like you, then I probably would be stuck in a kitchen somewhere chopping onions. Fortunately, I find that most of the Canadians that I have met are very open minded and respectful of (and oftentimes curious) about other cultures.

It's actually quite funny, because eventhough Canada is considered a bilingual nation (French-English), the only truly Eng-Frch bilingual people are mostly in the core of the city of Montreal. Yet, when I was in Marocco, I found that even the half blind, barefoot guy who sold postcards spoke Berber, English, French, Spanish and a bit of German. He did that because he had to in order to communicate. I think when people grow up surrounded by others who speak the same language as themselves, they get complacent.

To paraphrase Rubiazo: "Learning a second language opens up neural pathways that you never used in your life".

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

Gomezman5 says on May 6, 2006, 16:31:

Colombiche, again makes sense I don't know what it is about this woman that she happens to be one of the few people, (UC as well) that seem to consistently agree with.

Her above post is not only very true, but well reasoned....something about 80-90% of the people of post here can't seem to do.

And Coolgirl, a quick reading of your first post and follow-up posts make it very clear that you are looking for someone to assist you financialy with the raising of your child. I'm not reading "into" anything. You make it perfectly clear that finding a man that will assist you in this way is as important, if not more important than finding a meaningful, and loving relationship with a man.

Let me assure you with 100% certainly, when you start to date someone, you need not mention anything more than you have a child. The mere mentioning of your having a child, will put a man on notice that if he is going to have a "future" with you, he recognizes that there is, at least to some extent, the need for him to assist in the child's upbringing. Really, nothing else need be said. Just mention you have a child. Nothing more. In fact, if you say anything more, a man will very quickly assmume that you are looking for someone to financially assist you in the raising of your child. This is clearly a case where the less that is said, is best.

poco says on May 6, 2006, 16:50:

Need for Speed "Usually women hear that their kids are the reason for the breakup...the guy thought he could handle it but when he got into the situation itself, his first instinct was to run.

This is exactly why I never dated a woman with children, especially younger children. The situation does get somewhat better if the persons children have moved out of the House AND they have an education and/or good job. Next you have the girls parents. Personally I don’t relish the thought of my “other half� being a nurse while I play golf.

The majority of parents (male or female) can’t afford the huge expense no matter the sacrifice they are willing to make. There are scholarships and student loans but you need to “work� and be exceptional to receive the scholarship and student loans need to be repaid. No education for the MAJORITY = “poor for the rest of their lives�. Colombia and the U.S. are quite similar in this regard. It seems very few (10% or less) have any concept of long range planning.

The number of One Quarter of a Million dollars (per child) kept me away from this problem. I’m a nice guy,, :) but NOT THAT NICE. Having a high cull factor is a problem, especially when younger but it kept me out of financial stress.

I’d never commit to the expense or raising someone else’s kids and of course I’d go crazy, then again maybe not, I’m taking a remote control car “for the kids�. I had to try it out to make sure it wasn’t defective. A great deal, $25.00 “drive out� and it included the batteries and charger. Plus the video game Need for Speed-Hot Pursuit 2, can’t wait to watch the play. I’ve not that good at driving games. Maybe I’ll get a different joy stick?

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

Colombiche says on May 6, 2006, 16:55:

Gman Thanks for the kind words. :)

However, I think the advice you are giving Coolgirl is dangerous. Getting involved with a man, without telling him that she has a child, will be misleading him.

I think she has to come out up front and tell her suitors that she is a mother. That way, she will be weeding out the ones that have absolutely no interest in getting involved with a single mum. What use is it for her to get involved with a man, get to know him, fall head over heels and then for him to find out that she has been purposely hiding such an important piece of information from him? He will walk away from her feeling cheated and lied to. If I was the guy, I would have some serious thoughts about walking away from her after this. What use is it trapping your "prey" by using a web of lies? It is not fair to either one of them.

What she has to do is look for men who are on the same boat as her and who don't mind taking care of a child that is not their own. There are guys like that out there, heck, I work with two such guys.

There is no use on misleading a person, it is much less messy if he walks away on the first or second date than after 10 months of dating.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

Gomezman5 says on May 6, 2006, 17:18:

Colombiche.....my dear, you misread my post I said:

"you need NOT MENTION ANYTHING MORE than you have a child."

In other words, she only need to mention that she has a child. I Beyond that, she should keep her mouth shut. I never wrote that she should not disclose the fact that she has a child. I just said, dont harp on it. Believe, speaking as a single man, as soon as a man hears that the woman has a child, he knows what confronts him. Any other info will only work to the woman's detriment. He does not need to hear how hard it is. He does not have to hear about the costs. He does not have to hear about the time involve. The man knows all that. At

The rest of my post is consistent with what I said above
Obsrve what I posted"
"The mere mentioning of your having a child, will put a man on notice that if he is going to have a "future" with you, he recognizes that there is, at least to some extent, the need for him to assist in the child's upbringing."

In otherwords....like I said above, disclosure is important. The need to eleborate will only make the man conclude, that there the girl is looking for another source of income to assist her in the raising of the child. Men aren't dumb (well some are). But most recognize that if he gets involved with a woman with a kid. That kid, de facto, from an financial perspective, becomes his kid as well..

Colombiche says on May 6, 2006, 17:21:

Gotcha Gomez I thought you were saying "you need NOT MENTION ANYTHING MORE than you have a child.", meaning, that once she mentions that, the guy will run for the hills.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

redway says on May 6, 2006, 17:26:

Coolgirl: Call your local junior college on Monday. 1.) The local jc is completely ready for you. Student loans-so what if you have to pay them back?-childcare, counselors, help with housing.
As far as "hide the kid" goes, go to school and look UP the social strata and somebody is going to love you. That person is going to love your son, too. Find a guy with brains (volunteer in a law center, etc.). Be a good shopper yourself as far as finding someone is concerned. Your son will respect you for this and get an education himself because you did. Studies have proven this. Want to be a musician? Nothing is stopping you.
How do I know this? It is exactly what I did. My son's "father"-an attorney-adopted him after I volunteered at Legal Aid Society. I had divorced my son's biological father.
Put one foot in front of the other. I.) Education. 2.) Childcare for son 3.) Happier mother 4.) Shop for quality professional guy, right here in the U.S.. 5.) Women with a goal are very attractive, not clingy, not needy.
You can always teach music. The University of Miami is a great transfer spot.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 17:29:

Tinto Find the no money down deals and email them to me will you?

caulfield2 says on May 6, 2006, 17:30:

coolgirl,

I am at an Internet cafe in Pereira, I will answer more fully when I have a chance manana.

AmeriCorps is a good opportunity to get experience doing lots of different things, but mostly it´s direct service work. There is a program called AmeriCorps VISTA that is more office-based, management type of work in the social services sector. Things like writing grants and finding sponsors for programs, etc. I would simply define AmeriCorps as blue collar and VISTA as wehite collar.

The great advantage of AmeriCorps is that you get an education award of $4,725 for your year of service, and you get health care as part of your contract. Technically, you´re not even a worker, you´re a volunteer, but you are paid, probably now something like $10-12,000 per year, maybe higher in Florida. I haven´t been involved since the program shifted over to Homeland Security with the Bush Administration.

If you´re looking to make money, you would do almost as well at McDonald´s. However, the experience itself was priceless....but don´t do it unless you´re pretty sure you can survive on the pay they are going to give you.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 17:40:

I guess I'm an investor... There are no "no downs" around here.

Coolgirl says on May 6, 2006, 17:40:

Lying? No way!! Redway,
California?
I will be going there next week; maybe we can get together and grab a bite to eat.
I used to think that being in a relationship was going to make me fully happy until I discovered otherwise.
My son is the best thing that ever happened to me and I love spending as much time as possible with him. He is my only love and he makes me the happiest woman in the whole world. I also have been on those Worthless Relationships and they are not fun at all but when you are trying to feel loved by someone you don’t see that, you are blind.
I am glad that I have grown so much to tell the difference now.
I am sure I will meet someone but right now my focus is my son, of course, and my school. Man will come later and I am sure in a better time.
Thanks for your inputs.
Colombiche,
You did not think I was going to follow that advice, did you?
I have always been straight up with the guys I have been involved with and if they do not like the fact I have a kid then I just tell them to move on. I do not need that type of losers around me anyway. Why should I hide the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me?
I do not see the need on lying about it because if I am looking for an honest person I must be an honest person too. My son is daily encouraged to not lie because Honesty is the most wonderful value a person can have.
Thanks for your kind words!

Monica

redway says on May 6, 2006, 17:45:

CALL ME I look forward to seeing you.

Gomezman5 says on May 6, 2006, 18:35:

Coolgirl.........and Colombiche I don't know what you read...but I never, in any way shape or form, advised you to be dishonest...my first and second post should be very clear


And Colombiche.......I would not say by that by telling the guy that she has a child, that the guy would "head for the hills."

But it would give him the option to do so, if he so chooses.

adrimm says on May 6, 2006, 18:38:

"caufield..seems like you're making an effort..
to show everyone(internet stranger) you're a nice, decent guy. Good for you! Just that in the scheme of things, it doesn't amount to a hill of beans.."

Caslug, Why is it an effort? Perhaps Caulfield is a nice and decent guy, and it isn't an effort.

Aside from that, my own opinion is that polite, rational and thoughtful posts that invite discourse amount to this website being an interesting place to read and visit, and a welcoming place to debate and discuss things related to Colombia. I find it inspiring to read a well-written and thought-out post. A well-written post can even get away with skirting some taboo topics becuase it may not raise the ire of people who value certain rules.

OTOH If this site was full of people presenting themselves as rude or crude, then to me, it would be is considerably *less* interesting than a hill of beans. I'm a 27 yo woman, and I have no desire to meet or spend time (even online time) with someone who thrives in presenting themselves solely as a person looking for a lay.

Coolgirl says on May 6, 2006, 18:51:

Sorry Gomezman5 I misread your input.
Please accept my apology!

Monica

Coolgirl says on May 6, 2006, 19:12:

adrimm....Caulfield2... I agree with you.
I do not see anything wrong with a guy that is trying to be honest about the way he feels and what he wants in life.
Besides he seems to be very educated man. That itself will bring envy to others and will cause people to feel threaten on an intellectual level.
Also, woman like men that at least knows what they want for their life and have goals! Not like some weirdo’s that only think on getting some and living an aimless life!
Keep it up cauldfield2!!!!

Monica

Gomezman5 says on May 6, 2006, 19:28:

Yes GringoD That's about the way I see it. Clear thinking, logical, and isightfulpeople who have the ability to reason, are in short supply around here. Colombiche,,,,,,UC (with a degree of humor interjected) kind of personify they type of people that possess these qualities.

That does not mean that I agree with everything they say. It does mean that they know how to be objective, as opposed to most people on this site that float around here with rose colored glasses over their eyes.

Anybody who want any objectivity when it comes comes to Colombia, best not look here.

Gomezman5 says on May 6, 2006, 20:13:

"Objectivity is plentiful" --- on PBH Oh yea. You're sure to get objectivity from people that are Colombian, non Colombians married or dating Colombians, or from people that are very much involved with Colombian women upon making their excursions to Colombia.

And of course, there are all those people that go to Colombia, Bogota in particular, because they cannot imagine any better place to visit than the Museo de Oro or Monserate. Yea right.

So taking into account the above of characters, I'm sure you are always truely going to get, an "outsiders perspective" on things.

Another Yea right.

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 21:58:

You better bet again ;)

redway says on May 6, 2006, 22:27:

Morphus I don't mean to be rude. I'm sorry if I have been rude. I am wondering a few things, however.
i.) How old are you? 2.) What was your relationship with your mother like? If you don't want to answer, just tell me it is none of my business.

poco says on May 6, 2006, 22:41:

Cost of Kids It doesn't really cost a quarter million dollars. $100,000 of the cost is allocated to housing over 17 or 18 years.

I think $500 per month would be $108,000 NOT adjusted for inflation. I see an 18 year inflation of at least 50% but it will probably be 100%.

Nope, won’t work. I know it does work but not they way many prefer. Nothing should be too good when it comes to giving your kids the best possible advantages YOU can afford. The days of kids delivering papers for their spending money won’t buy an iPod and other necessary accoutrements like a cell phone and 900 minute plan with messaging.

What about day care? Potential health costs, increased insurance, the list is endless. I’ll stick with the $250,000. This is a government study for 2005 with much more detail. PS: link is a 32 page PDF file download.

The article in my first post has links to the following subjects,, something else to think about.

The article DID NOT include The additional health and lifestyle costs of pregnancy and prenatal preparation, Dozens of "hidden" new-baby expenses, cost of a break in one's career isn't included ie: stay home mother, and,, gosh, the cost of college tuition wasn’t included.

You don’t want to figure in the cost of the stay at home mother,, but I’d use $50,000 per year. I think this is why most women work,, to help pay the $250,000,, Oh,, did you know a two earner family is becoming quite common in Colombia? Only the level of opportunity is different.

I personally knew several people years ago paying between $1,000 and $1,500 child support to their ex’s and that might have been 25% of their take home pay. It did not make any difference whether they were working or not,, no job,, tooooo bad. Cough it up or go to jail.

It was interesting to note that when family income rose so did the costs. You wouldn’t want your pride and joy to be “disadvantaged� or not have the same level of societal advantages? The rest of the kids have cars,, are your kids the ones walking? You do intend to buy them nice clothes just like their peers?

Housing can be quite expensive. I have some knowledge of why people purchase houses and what they seek when they buy.

House must be located where you child can attend an above average school.

I looked this up on the internet at har.com. They have photos of the multiple listed houses for sale.
Briarmeadows 2800 sq. ft. $282,000
Briargrove 2775 sq. ft. $565,000 PS: had to go WAY down the list to find one this cheap.

Briargrove $1,300,000 highest price, Briar meadows $386,000 highest price. These subdivisions are separated by an 8 lane STREET. One is on the north side, the other on the south. Briargrove (north side) has highly desirable schools and is a FAMILY oriented neighborhood.

Briarmeadow (on the south side) has crappy schools and I mean really crappy with students that are bent on being poor and staying that way. NO children that live in Briarmeadows attend the public schools,, what do they do? The parents have decided to put their kids in a private school and live close to work. Hummm,, what does that cost?

Why do people MOVE out to the suburbs? To get their kids in a decent school because they can’t afford the close in areas with decent schools and they can’t afford private schools. They will car pool and do whatever it takes to maintain their jobs to assure the kids a good education.

50% (I think) of marriages end in divorce. Again, I know of people with high incomes paying huge monthly child support payments IF THEY HAVE THE INCOME. You don’t expect their kids to live a different life style in a different neighborhood just because of a divorce,, do you?

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

morphus says on May 6, 2006, 23:40:

"i.) How old are you? 2.) What was your relationship with your mother like"?

I'm 33 years old. My mother never showed me any love while growing up. I barely talk to her anymore. I don't talk to my family anymore either, except for one brother. My father lives in another state. He likes to get drunk and party even though he's in his sixties. I don't know how he can still be alive. I'm happy though. I don't have a worry in the world. Sometimes I don't care if I die. I live for the day and enjoy activities that don't have much meaning.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 23:47:

Morphus Thank you for being so honest. You need to find a woman to love and who loves you. I think that you would be much happier.

redway says on May 6, 2006, 23:56:

Bottomfeeder I care what happens to Morphus.

pedro says on May 7, 2006, 05:29:

Third date As far as the whole sex on the 3rd date rule, good luck with that one. You're in dreamland if you think any girl that would give it up that quickly and easily is a respectable woman.

Wow. I would think a lot of PBH members or members' wives might fall into that category. That at some time they had sex on the third date or before.

Caulfield2, educate me on this please. How many dates does the girl need to wait before she can have sex and still be respectable?

Is there a similar rule for men? How many dates do the guys have to wait? As a guy, can you take a woman to bed who you don't consider respectable, and still be respectable yourself?

¡save pow wow!

rocinante says on May 7, 2006, 05:54:

Caufield Your list describes American women and there are tons of great ones out there.

To address more of your post, it seems that your type is somewhat independent and someone who doesn't "need" you for financial reasons or “need� you to help fix her life/career. You mention how emphatic you are regarding your non-relocation ideals as a means to thwart the visa hunters. A women who wants fixing, wants financial assistance, wants a visa is someone you don’t want because...

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Peso 1400 by November" Feb 5, 2008

rocinante says on May 7, 2006, 05:56:

one more thing It's not necessary to add the "LONG" warning to the subject of your post. It's understood!

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Peso 1400 by November" Feb 5, 2008

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 10:12:

Well, I just broke my own rule last night. Oops. It just kind of happened...you know, the whole drinking and discoteca thing. Or maybe it´s just Pereira, I don´t know. For some reason, this never happens where I live. It´s always when I travel, to CTG, Cali, Medellin, Pereira, Manizales...I think it´s a product of the fact that perhaps I am more careful with my actions in Armenia, where I live. Secondly, sometimes you rush things with someone that lives further away to see if there is any chemistry there...although one hour away is certainly closer than most Americans have to travel from to see their Colombiana. Finally, the drinking excuse, which is such a cliche. I know that what happened wouldn´t have happened in the middle of the afternoon after a quiet lunch at the local mall. Dancing with any Colombiana, combined with aguardientes, rom or whiskey...it´s a deadly combination.

So now Morphus can jump all over me. I thought I would make a small revelation, since he seems to be confessing something as well on this thread. I can say with certainty that I´ve never had a long-term relationship result from hooking up with someone the first night. It´s something I did maybe once in my lifetime in the US, it has happened a handful of times here. So judge away, lol.

caslug says on May 7, 2006, 10:38:

caufield, i dont think anyone judging you.. or has interest in judging you.. at least the male posters LOL! YOU were the one judge certain male posters! LOL!

Glad you enjoying your time in COL, nothing wrong with that, you and your "dates" are consent ADULTS(over 18).

morphus says on May 7, 2006, 11:22:

redaway "You need to find a woman to love and who loves you. I think that you would be much happier"

I'm not like that. I'm not looking for a "mommy" like a lot of guys are. Those are the type of guys that manage to stay married for so long. The wife takes on the role as "mother" and the husband stays happy. Normal guys just get bored of the sex and eventually look for something new. Then divorce follows. Look at Caufiend2, he's married, yet he's in Colombia getting drunk and laid..LOL

GringoD, i'm going out to get drunk today. Thats my counseling

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 11:41:

Thanks for using me as an example, I appreciate it, lol.

My situation is a little bit different. My marriage didn't work, I could have sent her back to her country before two years elapsed but I decided that it was my responsibility and that I would help her as much as I could. One of those things included staying married until her Adjustment of Status (AOS) was adjudicated. We made a good faith effort to make things work out, they didn't, but I wasn't going to be vindictive and send her back to her country with her tail between her legs and declare victory, so to speak. Sure, it's a calculated risk, but she has basically been taking care of herself financially for the last 18 months or so. You certainly don't marry a teacher to get rich or to have an easy life in the US.

So it's not like I am running around Colombia having random sex with people and cheating on an unsuspecting wife who thinks I am on a business trip or something like that. She actually encouraged me to teach down here, and I am much happier, because I can focus more on myself and less on enabling her by doing almost everything for her. She's become much more self-sufficient and resilient as a result. We are both better off, we can officially get divorced this summer or wait until Christmas, neither of us are in a hurry to rush down the aisle again.

Coolgirl says on May 7, 2006, 12:32:

bottomfeeder Bottomfeeder,
Are you a Christian?
How do you have the courage to say that what redway is pedaling is Evil?
Do you know him/her? How much do you know God?
It seems to me that you are being very judgmental. Besides how your signature, at the end of your inputs, can talk about “God Will� when you are judging someone else.How do you know what God is going to do?
I would suggest that you look at yourself first before you make any comments of others.
Redway,
My opinion is that you keep caring about others as you are doing,even know sometimes they do not care, that will be rewarded it to you sooner or later. Keep it up!!
Besides we need more people like you in this crazy world.
Morphus,
I usually do not mind your personal life, but I think what redway said it is true.
You should look for a good woman that would be able to fulfill that emptiness you seem to have because of your family!
I will share this with you:
My farther and mother never gave that confidence in me and I always felt that I was not love as much as my siblings did, but I take that now and flip it over and love more than ever.
I can judge my parents and blame them for that because back on those days they did not know any better. Try to be better every time for yourself because at the “end� that is all you will have. Remember that you will have to give accountability of all you do.

Monica

redway says on May 7, 2006, 12:56:

Thank you coolgirl That was very nice. See Morphus, people on this site care about you. Coolgirl is adorable.

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 13:07:

Okay, I will correct my earlier comment.

The only woman I have had a long-term relationship with that I had sex with before the 4th date was my wife.

And that's not a great example either, because we had spoken for over 4 months on the phone for hundreds of hours...not to mention exchanging e-mails everyday. So we definitely had an emotional and intellectual connection by that point. In fact, it seemed that if we didn't jump right into bed, that something would have been wrong, that the chemistry we felt didn't exist after all. As I mentioned, there's also the fact that you tend to rush things in long distance relationships, especially when you're 9 time zones away from each other.

To summarize, I figured it out on the bus. I want a woman that embodies everything good about Colombia who also possesses the best traits of American women (independence, ambition, focus on education) simultaneously. That's not easy to find. In other words, a pretty, intelligent woman that doesn't remind everyone around her that she KNOWS she's attractive every minute, lol. More importantly, a woman who feels it's equally important to develop her intellect as it is to maintain her aesthetic beauty.

redway says on May 7, 2006, 13:17:

YOU ARE IN LUCK CAULFIELD2 Coolgirl embodies every single quality you have presented here. Why don't you call HER? I spoke with her on the phone yesterday. She is very bright and sounds like a babe. Better than the bar scene. She is putting herself through school alone. She has the guts to make it here in the U.S. better than I could do, PROBABLY, in Colombia.

Coolgirl says on May 7, 2006, 13:22:

Redway... Thanks. I think that you are also a very nice person!
Besides I will not give such a confession about my family on this site if I would not think that could make someone think about their ways of living. We all go trough trouble and I think that if we all share a little of our experiences we all can learn more and therefore grow as individuals. That is what I do, I learn as much as I can from every situation I get into. Isn't that what life is about?
I love and enjoy having difficult situations because out of each one, I will learn more and more and mature to a faster speed than others. Imaging if we all had the same troubles , there would not be different stories to learn from.

Monica

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 13:25:

Redway, I think we're making some measure of progress here with Morphus.

In some ways, we are very similar, in an opposite way, lol.

We're roughly the same age. I was an only child and received all the attention in the world. I've been fortunate enough, largely due to the support of my parents, to be able to do many of the things that I've wanted to in life. I have been able to live my life largely based on doing things that made me happy, and it didn't matter how much money I made.

Morphus has defined, for the time being, what makes him happy in life. He's not thinking about getting married, the girls he is with know the deal, I am sure.

Because I had everything growing up, I've never been happy because I always wanted more. Such as the perfect woman we all know doesn't exist. In the back of my mind, I feel that I've given up on some relationships that could have made me truly happy because I thought I could be EVEN happier with someone else. The whole settling thing.

People that don't have the greatest relationships with their family, or have gone through a messy divorce...are often afraid to get married or love someone because they feel that it is doomed to fail from the beginning. Many worry they can't break the cycle started by their family's unsuccessful relationship, that it's better not to try than to love someone and fail. Others feel they could never be faithful to just one person, that the idea of committing to just one person in a world of billions is illogical. This is how my ex feels, and there might be something of relevance in this paragraph about Morphus' situation as well.

I think I've arrived at the same destination, via a different avenue. I have always been afraid I couldn't be as good a parent as my father, that I couldn't have a perfect relationship like my parents had. Having failed once now, I feel even more uncertain, because I trusted my feelings and was proven wrong...the first thing I have really failed at in my life. And it's hard to deal with that, because you have nobody to blame but yourself. So, the next time, a possible second marriage, well there's a LOT of pressure to do it right this time, because it seems like the worst thing in the world to be someone who marries 3, 4, 5 or 6 times, I just don't want that for my kids, whenever I have them.

redway says on May 7, 2006, 13:33:

Caulfield2 Cut the crap and call Monica-coolgirl.

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 13:34:

This thread is too funny. I'm now driving it into Dr. Phil or Oprah territory, lol. But this has been one of the more enjoyable threads I've participated in, because it has touched on some things that are more meaningful than the normal superficial stuff.

At any rate, coolgirl, please send me an e-mail. My address is jewisler at yahoo.com. Maybe we can talk, as redway suggested. You sound like a very grounded person.

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 13:37:

Redway, thanks very much. But please erase both your numbers from this thread. I will call her.

There are quite a few crazy people here...I admire you for being so open, but sometimes that can be dangerous. You have to protect yourself too.

redway says on May 7, 2006, 13:42:

Caulfield2 You have a brain in your head. Thank you for using it.

redway says on May 7, 2006, 13:44:

I don't know how to erase the numbers. Thank you Caulfield2.

caulfield2 says on May 7, 2006, 13:47:

All you have to do is go back to those two posts...click on edit, you can just take the numbers out of them and leave the the rest of the post intact.

utopiacowboy says on May 7, 2006, 14:33:

So, Morphus, my wife is my mother? Damm, all I can say is "Momma mia!!!"

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Coolgirl says on May 7, 2006, 15:27:

Redway... Thank goodness that my number can be erased.
Redway,
I appreciate the way you think about me, I really do.
Please do not take this wrong, but I would prefer not to post my phone # on this website. As Caulfield2 said, there are a few crazy people and that can be dangerous.
Besides, I think that Caulfield is smart enough to know who would be a good candidate for him.
He has his head on the right place!

Monica

adrimm says on May 7, 2006, 15:58:

.

caslug says on May 7, 2006, 16:29:

PBH matching services! LOL! "YOU ARE IN LUCK CAULFIELD2 Coolgirl embodies every single quality you have presented here. Why don't you call HER? I spoke with her on the phone yesterday. She is very bright and sounds like a babe. Better than the bar scene."-redway

This thread is getting hilarous! Within 100 post, Caufield has a potential "perfect" mate! No need to go down to COL or joing an internet dating site. Just post on PBH for FREE! ja, ja..

redway says on May 7, 2006, 16:38:

WELL WELL WELL...Coolgirl is beautiful. Caulfield2 just got her picture.

poco says on May 7, 2006, 18:55:

Once you find that perfect girl
Then you can start saving up for that “perfect� child or two or maybe four.

Saving for College Costs

I hope the inflation rate stays at 6%.

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

Gomezman5 says on May 7, 2006, 20:10:

OK....so let me understand something Without having to read through all this, am I do understand that someone actually posted their phone number on this site??

redway says on May 7, 2006, 20:29:

TOO LATE TO TAKE NUMBERS DOWN UNTIL I EDIT. Coolgirl is gorgeous. Also, very intelligent.

Gomezman5 says on May 7, 2006, 21:06:

Uh Redway......trust me I was not trying to obtain anybody's phone number. My comment was more along the lines that I cannot believe that some fool would be dumb enough to post their number(s).....or anyone else's for that matter.

If I want someone's for number, I'll ask them for it. But at the moment, I cannot think of anyone on here who's number I seek. I already have the phone number or email of thsoe that I seek to communicate with.

redway says on May 7, 2006, 21:24:

NO COMMENT Thank you GringoD for sticking up for me.

Gomezman5 says on May 8, 2006, 00:09:

GringoD "Don't have a Cow?" Perhaps you should reread your post......you're the one that went into spasms....really, read ALL 3 OF YOUR POSTS......

By the way GringoD, is this the only thing you do 24 hours a day? Get a life...There is life beyond PBH....Trust me, there is.

pedro says on May 8, 2006, 03:24:

Caulfield Until yesterday you had built yourself up as the SNAG of the forum.

Starting today you can be known as the forum's first SNAP -- "Sensitive New Age Perro".

Congratulations!

UC, you were right. Son (somos) todos perros.

¡save pow wow!

Coolgirl says on May 8, 2006, 07:55:

Comments... This thread is getting hilarious! Within 100 posts, Caulfield has a potential "perfect" mate! No need to go down to COL or join an internet dating site. Just post on PBH for FREE! ja, ja..
Caslug,
This post is not about matching people or looking for a potential “perfect� mate because there is no such thing.
Besides, I do not see anything wrong with the fact that redway saw our personalities and thought that we should meet… We no longer live on those days where we could be punishing for what we say! Dude, we are not there anymore. We live in a country where the freedom of speech is a law! As long is not affecting you then it should not be a problem!
Or maybe it is affecting you, is it?
GringoD,
Yes, I am a Colombiana from Cali.
Gomezman5,
My comment was more along the lines that I cannot believe that some fool would be dumb enough to post their number(s).....or anyone else's for that matter.
Please make sure you gather facts and read very carefully all comments before you make any statements. It seems to me that you did not read so you do not know what is going on.
“Perros�
At least I can say that cauldfiled2 has the nerves and the courage to admit what he did.
Not like some guys here that is trying to pretend to be the good guys when they are really not. It seems that he is Honest enough to recognize that he messed up!
Please do not take this as I am trying to excuse anyone because I am not.
We seem to be very negative in this Site and it is getting old!
Instead of looking to the negative side of things let’s look at things in appositive way.
I also want to make clear that I am not looking to be hooked up with anyone because I can do all that by myself. I do not need of third parties, Redway please do not take this wrong, to get a date or anything like that. I appreciate what redway is trying to do, but I did not ask for it!
She, Redway, out her kindness had good intentions to help. Thank you again.
Hey, after all maybe there is a chance to meet a nice person in this site.

Monica

Blue says on May 8, 2006, 08:09:

There is something to be said for marrying a woman who has had children. I believe Caulfield indicated this was acceptable to him in his original post. These women are particularly appropriate for guys who want their wives to be their “best friend� as well as lover, etc. Let me explain. The birth of a child satisfies the maternal instinct and has a tendency to mellow and soften a woman. This need is deeply rooted in their DNA. A woman is complete and has reached her nirvana once this is accomplished. This is the most fundamental law of nature and is immutable. A certain peace and tranquility overcomes them. They are easier to be around.

Now take women who have never had children and a different dynamic emerges. This is particularly so with women over 30 but probably most apparent at about age 40. These women are often perceived by others as angry, hostile, bitchy, etc. Women under 30 still have sufficient biological clock remaining so with them it’s not such an issue(usually). But with these others, head for cover fast. lol It’s like they have a chronic low-grade PMS that is never-ending. Guys understandably don’t like spending time around these women so friendship becomes more difficult.

Blue

paisa29 says on May 8, 2006, 08:23:

Coolgirl you are right, I think it`s very nice to count with a nice, honest man here in this Forum as him.


"At least I can say that cauldfiled2 has the nerves and the courage to admit what he did.
Not like some guys here that is trying to pretend to be the good guys when they are really not. It seems that he is Honest enough to recognize that he messed up!"

elmodefoque says on May 8, 2006, 08:37:

NOT all guys are perros. In almost 7 years of marriage I never once cheated on my young cachaca wife, yet she dumped my old ass.
Did I wanna pork other broads? Hell yeah, but non wanted my sorry ass.

utopiacowboy says on May 8, 2006, 11:43:

"Not like some guys here that is trying to pretend to be the good guys when they are really not."

I am the first to admit to being both a perro and a wanker. Arf! Arf!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

morphus says on May 8, 2006, 13:37:

I'm honest too but now everybody hates me.

caslug says on May 8, 2006, 13:55:

you ladies are very nice people! I really dont see the different between caufield and morphus. Morphus from the beginning said what he does WITHOUT excuses, he has GFs in COL that he visit, and he goes for vacation get drunk, has fun and makes no bone(pun intended) about. While caufield talks about trying to find this perfect women to have meaningfull relationship with where sex is secondary. Yet at the end of the weekend, caufield fesses up that he went out, got drunk, had meaningles, but fun sex. EXACTLY