Speaking spanish...

utopiacowboy says on Jan 2, 2005, 16:16:

Maybe you need to dump him.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Miguel says on Jan 2, 2005, 18:31:

Direction? Go South. Are you a gringa? That much time with a guy who won't help you with something you seek to understand? And it's merengue, but don't bust his huevos on that. Salsa yes. Debo decir "HOUSTON TENEMOS UN PROBLEMA"!

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fmonroe82 says on Jan 2, 2005, 20:47:

Speaking spanish Yes I am a gringa. I didn't know if this is a common thing for latinos. He's a great guy and we talk about the future all the time. I don't think this is a reason to end a 3 year relationship. I learned sooo much spanish when I went to Colombia (and Panama accidently) but if I don't use it then I will forget it!!

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 2, 2005, 20:54:

Looks like you have a choice. Forget him or forget your Spanish. Let's face it - guys are a dime a dozen. You could probably go out on the street right now and find 10 guys who would take you. And I haven't even seen what you look like.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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isaactraveler says on Jan 2, 2005, 21:33:

or maybe she just butchers the crap outta spanish.

maybe he wanted to give his dear old mother a good laugh, listening to a gringa hack up the spanish language.

My advice would be to keep the guy, but make up words in english, then laugh when he uses them later in conversation.

Aguatamous =wet spongy mass
calification =making sure it is hot before you go out
stinkefy= make something smell bad
cordontate = tie off with rope
sminked =smile and wink


Dont necesararily do what I say. even my dogs dont listen to me.

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stevens says on Jan 3, 2005, 05:32:

I've had lots of girlfriends who were Japanese and nothing is more annoying than when your lover tries to turn you into a language teacher. So, if English is the language you two can communicate the best in, you should speak it. If you're being his English teacher, you're being used. Love relationships are great for love but lousy for language exchange. However, if the dude won't help you out at all, that not a good sign for the future. And it's also not a great sign that you two haven't learned how to talk about stuff yet. It's never too late, though.

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ARMacleod says on Jan 3, 2005, 06:53:

I had a similar problem But I took the cowards way out. When I tried out my newly aquired Spannish out on my intended, she would always say "speak in english" When I explained that I wanted to perfect my Spanish she just replied "Si, after I have learned the English"

From then on I kept adding in a few German words in.

If a lady comes up to you and says "buenos dias quadratbälle" Ite probably my missus.

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions. ¡El diablo me hizo lo hago! But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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Mariangela says on Jan 3, 2005, 07:05:

Maybe your Spanish is good but not good enough to use it as your main language, and he feels that it is easier and more efficient to communicate with you in English. I understand because I have a good American friend who knows Spanish and wants to speak it every time we are together. But the conversation becomes boring, kind of dry and limited, due to her lack of vocabulary, slang knowledge and grammatical errors. She has to stop to think of the right words, etc. I appreciate very much her desire to practice, and I help her, but also want to be able to converse fluently and get our point across. So, many times we start in Spanish and switch to English in the middle of the talk.
Your boyfriend should still help you and encourage you to learn more Spanish, but you don't have to speak Spanish all day. Maybe have a plan and speak Spanish at dinner, or when taking a walk, etc.
Good luck!
Mariángela

Mariángela

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justino says on Jan 3, 2005, 13:31:

Try this... Tell him "No Spanish, no sex."

I bet you're being too shy about your Spanish. Be persistent. Eventually he'll cave in and revert back to his mother tongue once you've both gained confidence in your Spanish. When you get impatient for a Spanish response, tell him "Oye, respondeme en español." Instead of "hey, answer me in Spanish". Be persistent. Be annoyingly persistent. If you don´t understand what he says back to you, then you lose... study more and try again another day.

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Raleigh1590 says on Jan 3, 2005, 14:02:

Hmm, I don't know about withholding sex, because if you're not having sex with a Colombian man you are the one missing out! (Sorry, I'm probably one of the only women on the planet who does not believe in that form of negotiation with men).

I understand what you are going through, but even if he is being somewhat of a jerk by not sharing his culture with you, it seems like only a minor disturbance & not something to end a 3 year relationship over. Maybe it is quicker to speak to you in English or maybe you are butchering the language, I don't know. (I'm sure I tear Spanish to pieces with my Southern accent, but I only learn it to use when no one speaks English).

Ask yourself if everything in the relationship is generally okay. It could be that you're moving too fast (I know 3 years is a long time though) & that he's not ready yet to share his culture with you. Or maybe he wants you to keep your North American habits because he thinks its a turn on to date a gringa. I know that you are very interested in his culture (who wouldn't, Latin culture is so enticing) & it's hard for you not to explore it. Maybe just enjoy your relationship with him in English & don't pressure him as much about it & when he's ready, you'll know. It also depends on how important this is to you. If you think you can ignore it & or if it is worth breaking up over. You can always speak Spanish elsewhere & to other locals for practice, say at a coffee shop or grocery store.

Good luck! (I think it's suerte? ... I'm learning!)

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Raleigh1590 says on Jan 3, 2005, 14:05:

Oh by the way, if you can get any footage of him saying a made up English word you told him, post it here. ;-)

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 3, 2005, 15:29:

On a serious note, I know where your boyfriend and Mariangela are coming from. It can be incredibly tedious speaking English with my wife but I know she's not going to get any better unless I speak English to her. It really requires a lot of patience but it pays off as the other person becomes more proficient in the language. You could always tell your novio that you'll find a lover who only speaks Spanish and see how he likes that.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Raleigh1590 says on Jan 3, 2005, 17:56:

Coming to think of it, GringoinBogota has some very important insights. Really think about it. Also consider if he's always been this way or has recently become unsupportive. Or maybe you shouldn't listen to me, I just dumped my loving boyfriend of 3 years for the possibility of dating another guy halfway across the world who probably doesn't even want a serious relationship. Very stupid. But hey, that's life. I say go out & enjoy it with someone who appreciates you the way you'd like.

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fzrdan says on Jan 3, 2005, 18:08:

My spanish is awful and I know only a little. I do know more than the basic hello and good bye but it is very difficult for me to understand a native speaker talking at their normal pace. However, my novia loves it when I speak Spanish to her and I like when she speaks English to me. When I butcher the language she politely corrects me (and sometimes laughs). Her English is better than my Spanish and I think she knows a bit more than she lets on but that is another story.

Point of this is that we both encourage each other to learn our languages. If we have a future together then this is important. I would be very suspicous of my novia if she did not want me speaking spanish with her.

In fact, she told me that I HAD to learn spanish, but only speak it with her. She doesn't want other colombianas knowing that I speak Spanish! She says she is not a jealous woman, I don't believe her!

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fmonroe82 says on Jan 3, 2005, 19:16:

Interesting points.. Thanks everyone. I was just reading through the posts and found a few of them interesting. I do not teach him english; he speaks it well but butchers some things :o) Do you think I should just fork out the money and learn to dance elsewhere? Like someone mentioned before maybe he doesn't want to feel like my "teacher." Of course, I knew dating someone from a different country/background was going to take some adjusting (ie food, language, clothing *he begs me to wear skirts a la Colombian mami's* dancing..). Don't get me wrong I love these things! Ha! The funny thing is I can cook many colombian dishes and he doesn't complain about sharing that aspect of his culture! (jaja)

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elmodefoque says on Jan 4, 2005, 09:58:

felisha, manda a ese man pa el carajo!
dile asi:
mira maldito cachaco, si no me hablas en español busco a ese hijueputa viejo modefoque que me hable. estoy seguro que lo primero que me va enseñar es como poneme en cuatro pa rompeme el chiquito. tu quieres eso desgracio?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Miguel says on Jan 4, 2005, 10:43:

Good Job Elmo No necesito decir mas! Eres loco pero buen loco!

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paisa29 says on Jan 4, 2005, 12:11:

I think carlos is a completely selfish, maybe he is hidding something from you.
if you want you can practice your spanish with me and go ahead take some dance classes.

"Fill the earth with the light and warmth of hospitality" Conrad Hilton

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abbybroxlikecrazy says on Jan 5, 2005, 07:43:

oh my gosh i read the first message posted and i flipped out! Its so weird my boyfriends name is carlos too and hes from cali! But thats not all i so totally have the same problem! i cant speak spanish to him because he makes fun of me, but then when i want to practice with him he wont he'll only talk in english!

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