South Barranquilla, a corroncho's life

Miguel says on Mar 31, 2005, 07:44:

Soledad y Malambo Correspondiente Elmo, tienes que hablar de bola de trapo, lanzamiento piedras, y los arroyos. South Barranquilla's version of Six Flags, minus the steep admission fee.

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pabloj says on Mar 31, 2005, 07:46:

South Barranquilla, a corroncho's life elmodefoque!!
Que articulazo tan espectacular y sobre todo cierto! Y que hp apodo tan fantastico.

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elmodefoque says on Mar 31, 2005, 07:47:

for free, you could get your ass dragged to your death, in one of the many arroyos.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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carolain11 says on Mar 31, 2005, 08:13:

i think you're wrong about some things, first, you can hear shakira int he south, she is every barranquillero's pride and joy, second, corronchos listen to not only vallenato but also lots of salsa, and some of them also listen to champeta, terapia and reggaeton, cause of the influence from corronchos from cartagena. and also bieng a corroncho you can get kidnapped too, I`ve read too many stories about poor people from lost towns in the middle of nowhere getting kidnapped, even if they're penniless. they do it more for revenge, because the paras think you're farc, or because the farc think you're paraco, or if both of them think you're nothing, you'll get kidnapped anyway. and you can also find nice people who like arepa e' huevo and butifarra and carimañolas and listen to vallenato, and people who get dragged by arroyos in the north, you should not generalise... as a matter of fact one of my best friend's mother died that way...

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elmodefoque says on Mar 31, 2005, 08:25:

mi amor, when I was a kid, I can’t imagine getting kidnapped, the only thing of value that I had was my burra, who was also my car and my lover. I forgot, regatton salsa, and champeta is also very popular, but corazon can you imagine a bunch of drunken corronchos singing and dancing to Shakira's “estoy aqui” jajajaj, no way mi amor not in a million years, they blast the king of corronchos Diomedes Diaz

I'll get there, when I get there!

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carolain11 says on Mar 31, 2005, 08:27:

well... maybe not old drnken men, but younger girls and guys do sing to shakira's music, because shakira is a fine example of "how to get out of the shithole and not die trying". plus, elmo, i believe when you were a kid things were pretty different in this country, but nowadays ANYBODY can get kidnapped...

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elmodefoque says on Mar 31, 2005, 08:36:

don't get me wrong, i love shakira, a finer ass than her is almost impossible to find and she has put colombia on the map, but a young guy spending all day selling "peto" from his bicycle, in most cases will thake a couple of pesos buy a beer and listen to music he could relate to, vallenato! because they sing about a hard life, his life and what was once my life.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 31, 2005, 12:07:

Elmo, you are truly "El Rey", dude. You and Mrs. Gomez. I can just imagine you porking all those fine pretentious chicas, making them squeal like the cochinitas that they are.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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carolain11 says on Mar 31, 2005, 17:01:

I don't mean that's why I'm telling you, all the girls who live in cevillar, las moras, la chinita, la ciudadela they do listen to shakira, and guy who sells peto won't cause there's a huge generational gap, it's not about the money, and I know you don't have anything against shakira, I don't have anything for her, in fact, I don't like her, but that's the way things are

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carolain11 says on Mar 31, 2005, 17:04:

I forgot I'm not a corroncha, but I also ain't a pretentious bitch, that's why you can't generalize, you saying that all girls who live in the north are snobs and arrogant it's like the people who say that all colombians are drug dealers...

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dwmte says on Mar 31, 2005, 18:37:

wow.... i'm starting to think that this can turn into a fantastic thread.

nothin i love more. the real life in real time. it's just like beetlejuice said,"....it's showtime."

we've heard from the king and queen, who else wants to weigh in?

by the way, in the mountains, for example, eastern antioquia, in the chivas--haulin pigs, chickens, grains, people you name it--there's always a chiva groupie...just some guy that's along for the ride...there's always one on board. what are they called? one of ya'll gotta know.

dw

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Mr. Hollywood says on Mar 31, 2005, 19:17:

One day, when I have some time on my hands, I'm going to produce and direct the movie of Elmodefoque's life.

Must begin casting for the part of the burra now. J-lo, perhaps?

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 31, 2005, 19:33:

Fascinating that you mention the chiva groupie, DW. We were riding and I thought it was the guy's job but come to find out at the end of the ride, he's just a guy who likes to ride. Strangely enough, the one we had reminded me of Kramer from Seinfeld.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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juniortupapa says on Mar 31, 2005, 19:48:

yo modefoque u forgot playing domino on the street corner on the weekends, las busetas que pasan alfrente de la casa, and echandole piropos to the ladies that walk by while sitting in porch...............like a corroncho vicario used to say about barranquilla's heat "tengo los calsonsillos pa torser"

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COLDK says on Mar 31, 2005, 23:24:

corroncho con plata... Elmo : you said "I don’t want to be corroncho no more"

But anyway you will be called "corroncho con plata" ...

and don´t forget your neighbors will call the police when you are playing the loud music every weekend.

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dwmte says on Apr 1, 2005, 06:21:

heh elmo... you aint gonna believe this, but i had a dream about you last night...

don't ask me what it was about, at my age i'm lucky to remember i had a dream...

dw

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 06:32:

damn dwmte, i hope is not the same dreams that i have with kat, lauthra and mrs G. In my dreams i end up naked with all of them with KY jelly all over the place.

Caro, when we first moved to Barranquilla from La Guajira, our first stop was “La Chinita” I thought we were now living in the lap of luxury, we had an outhouse and electricity, ok, we stole the electricity from the only power line going thru the barrio to la tienda. The damn barrio looked like a spider web with so many lines illegally attached to the main line. From La Chinita the next stop was “El Barrio Abajo” and then “las delicias” where I saw my first toilet and where my aunt still lives with her family.
My corroncho roots run deep.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 07:21:

Elmo, allow me to introduce myself First of all, I have to admit I'm shy about expressing myself - anywhere - but I had a strong reaction to your what you wrote.
I don't know from Barranquilla, north or south. I know from the South Bronx. You painted a very colorful picture of where you are from. I don't know if it's a place I would want to visit. But to be honest, you sound like an arrogant bastard with a gigantic chip on your shoulder.

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 07:39:

soul sercher, you're not a nice person!!!! and by the way, how do you look on all fours?
i thought la chinita was bad, but the south bronx is not too far behind. i used to date a puerto rican broad from there. her mother was the one that called me a sonamanbiche and modefoque.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 07:48:

Corroncho You're a vulgar pig as well! I've read other things you have written on this board, and it seems you get off on shocking and disgusting people. I sure feel sorry for your ex. What kind of a relationship could you have with any woman except a superficial one. But you are a damned good writer!!

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 07:51:

and what's wrong with superficial relationships?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 07:52:

Addedum to Corroncho Excuse me but you are one hell of a damned good writer but please for everyone's sake - watch your grammar.

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carolain11 says on Apr 1, 2005, 07:58:

how long ago was that? when you first arrived to barranquilla?

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:03:

Corroncho One last comment to you, fool, because I have better things to do than to be writing to some criminal element on this board. You want to know what I look like on all fours? I have a curvacious, bodacious body which has been immortalized in just that all four's pose by a famous painter - Botero!

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carolain11 says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:09:

I never thought I'd say this but I'm going to quilla on monday and I actually feel happy to go... after years of hating it

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:09:

soul searcher, grammer? What the hell is that? I’m not competing with Gabriel Garcia Marquez, I’m just a corroncho schmuck who earned a GED in prison and learned how to read and write by reading hundreds of National Enquirer magazines, did you know that Sofia Vergara is now dating Tom Cruise?

you're a botero model, damn, you gotta have a big, big, big ass. are you puerto rican?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:28:

Caro, I arrived in Barranquilla in the 60's, very young. Soon after, I began forgetting most of my wayuu language and native ways and adapted to the barranquillero corroncho lifestyle, but refused to cut my hair until the day we boarded a KLM flight to NYC at the age of 10.
Caro, Corazon! How could you hate curramba? What happened, if I may ask?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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go2pr says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:38:

elmodefoque
Great job. I wish the post was longer as it was that good.

You are a very good story teller.

Keep it up.

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babygirl says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:45:

You really are a great story teller. Do you by chance write ad copy? :)

cheers - babygirl

Canadian Girls Kick Ass!

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toneloc24 says on Apr 1, 2005, 08:58:

Soul_Searcher You've been a member for 1 hour & 20+ mins and you jump right in an attack Elmo?

Some advice: Please read the board as a whole, before attacking a member, especially when you've offered NADA so far. If you joined to contribute about Colombia, please begin to do so.

As for Elmo, yeah, he's definitely vulgar & very descriptive. But if you haven't figured it out so far, much of it is in fun and jest....well, probably except for his dreams of Mrs. Gomez, Kat & Lauthra. Can't say that I blame him either.

If you get past all the jokes and perverted burro-loving Colombian crap that he sometimes spews (LOL), you'll see that the dude represents much of the everyman Colombian that we rarely seem to hear about on this site, but folks that we generally encounter in Colombia. You'll hear the very negative stuff (FARC/ELN,drugs, etc), or the overly positive stuff (Colombia as Disneyland where everywhere is safe for gringos), but what he addresses deals with much of Colombia, where the folks that live in similar areas, have no voice. They generally don't get out of such situations, and are born and stuck in that lifecycle. You'll never hear their point of view. It's great to have him on this site to balance out some of the other points of view here.

"PBH is dead!!!!"

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toneloc24 says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:03:

By the way, all I happened to meet Elmo this past weekend. Shared a couple of Heinekens with him. He's a really good dude in person. I'm co-signing along with Miguel & Old Gringo.

Here I was expecting the late great Rick James, esp. since his wife was out of town at the time. LOL!!!

"PBH is dead!!!!"

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babygirl says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:05:

Well said toneloc24! By the way elmo I thought of you more than a few times last week (which is strange considering I have no clue what you look like or have never met you) when I was hanging with a friend in this little village, every time some young guy went by sitting crossed legged on his donkey..hahahaa! My friend must have thought I was mental for giggling like an idiot when I saw this.

cheers - babygirl

Canadian Girls Kick Ass!

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ARMacleod says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:11:

Three people I wish to meet in person 1. Elmo
2. God
3. My ex wifes psychiatrist

(In the above order of course)

Pax vobiscum.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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daver says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:15:

James,

Let's just hope that #1 and #3 are not the same person!

Dave

Ps. Elmo, count me in for being on your side! I enjoy your stories too.

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Miguel says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:16:

Holy SH**T I feel like I stumbled on to the set of Casos de Familia or Jerry Springer.

Not only should one "not attack", you should probably rememeber those words of caution about "judging".

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:25:

come on tone, you just saying that because you want me to hook you up with all my fine female cousins, not that you need any more women, anyway, i talked to them about us going there and it looks like the party is on. next time in B/quilla, will be wall to wall broads. Miguel is gonna have to get away from his girl for the night and join us.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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toneloc24 says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:34:

LOL Elmo!!!! I think I'm gonna outdo myself on this next trip next weekend, LOL!!! Really still completely unsure on how I'm gonna handle BAQ. Really glad I'll only be there during the week.

As for your cousins......well, I'm only a red-blooded single (for now) man. And I can dance!!!! See ya in BAQ!!!!

"PBH is dead!!!!"

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 09:37:

all you guys are too damn nice. hey, i got enough female cousins and friends for all and let me tell you, them barranquillera girls love nothing more than to party their ass off.

babygirl, please tell me more about your thoughts, was i naked next to my burra?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 10:13:

Jees, so touchy you folks. You are judging me for expressing myself and what matters to me and hey, I have a sense of humor, too. Sure, I've just started posting but I been reading posts for quite a while and Elmo's writings have always caught my eye.

[Deleted. No personal insults. -Moderators]

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Apr 1, 2005, 10:23:

you're right soul_searcher He's all that and much more. I find his opinions and the way he expresses himself totally offensive and disgusting too. However, he's a fictional character and as such, you can't get mad at him. We don't fight him, on the contrary, we encourage him just out of boredom. Then again, behind all that obscenity and foul language there's really a really sweet guy, highly literate, well-read and a model of a husband:)))

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 10:41:

Desi / Elmo You may be fouling up Elmo's image with your comments - sweet guy? highly literate? a model of a husband????? I just wouldn't think this possible, sorry! But, hey, hasn't anyone read to the end of my posts where....choke.....sputter.....I have to admit; his writings get to me and Elmo I call 'em like I see em

[Remainder of post deleted. No personal insults. Please review the rules. -Moderators]

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 10:47:

Desi, I’m deeply touch by your kind words; I just hope is not some kind of April fool joke and you really feel the exact opposite.
I have no idea why soul searcher, has chosen me as her personal punching bag, but I would not mind going to the south Bronx after work and meeting her. I like to get her drunk so she could see the other side of me, my bare tanned butt!

I'll get there, when I get there!

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 10:57:

Honestly didn't mean to offend I was just calling 'em like I sees em. Elmo, I hope you got to read what I wrote about you before it was deleted but I just think you get a sick and perverse kick out of being called those name. I know you have written much more vulgar things than I wrote but I guess they weren't considered a personal attack. I can't picture you as being at all sensitive and being easily offended....speaking of pictures I'd like to picture what you look like to see if what I imagine and what you look like jibe. You can p.m. me if your shame is too great to post in the pictures section, fool.

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:00:

i aint ashamed of nothing! do you want a pic of me naked or fully clothed?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:10:

I'm offended Do you see, Everybody, do you see what I mean about this guy? Elmodefoque, or whatever he calls, himself asking me if I want a picture of him clothed or....yechh...naked isn't a personal attack? I am being treated unjustly, and I'm hurt. I'm only trying to help Elmo to see the error of his ways. Elmo, surprise me!!

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ARMacleod says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:17:

soul_searcher
Methinks thou dost protest too much!

James. pax vobiscum.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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princcipepersia says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:24:

some people just don't have the intelligence to look past the "vulgarity" and appreciate the witty humor involved. Oh well, more laughs for the rest of us...

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:32:

hey, cut some slack soul is new here and she/he doesn't know our Elmo the way we do. No soul_searcher, asking if you want a picture of him dressed or undressed doesn't really constitute a personal attack here, since you have a choice to say no:)

Elmo, no joke intended. I really think that way about you.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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elmodefoque says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:47:

Desi, when you open your place in Cali I’m gonna go there to see you and finally see what Cali is about, a place very dear to you and most likely to me too, cause if they got women walking around like Lauthra, Mrs. G and Calipro’s girls, I will be one very happy modefoque there.

see ya guys monday!!!

I'll get there, when I get there!

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BlondeJamesBond says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:55:

Soul_Searcher Forget the soul, search for a sense of humour you dullard.

Elmo is one funny mofo

A month ago he wrote this classic

*A very strong superstition among local folks from the poor parts of Barranquilla is that if you shoot somebody between the eyes, there’s a good chance they will die.*

I'm still randomly LOL every time I think about it. :-D

Classic

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:58:

Picture This, Elmo!! Elmodefoque, damn, you are straight out of central casting for criminal/thug/drug dealer type. I didn't know what to imagine but now I know, and I can't take it back. And I sure do understand why you express yourself the way you do. Is that a police mug shot? Didn't anyone say, Cheese! You're one scary looking, scarface type if there ever was one, and I find myself strangely attracted to you!!! It's embarrassing now to admit, but hey you're rather handsome.

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 11:59:

Desi Thanks for the kind words. I'm not so bad!!

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COLDK says on Apr 1, 2005, 12:14:

soul_searcher asi empezó mi abuela y mi abuelo...

Desi you should be included in the group of representatives of piece dialogs in Colombia (buen trabajo de intermediación).

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Apr 1, 2005, 12:21:

muchas gracias, COLDK, yeah, I'm a regular paloma de paz.

Elmo, you'll be very welcome at Desi's B&B once I get myself over there, we'll have a nice party.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 12:42:

JamesVH / COLDK Methinks thou dost protest too much????!!!!

Asi empezo mi abuelo y mi abuela!!!!

Shudders at your implications. I'm mortified!!! And strangely titilated now that I know what this nutcase looks like!!!!

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 1, 2005, 13:19:

All right, Elmo. Pretty soon she'll be chillando como una cochina.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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soul_searcher says on Apr 1, 2005, 13:27:

Elmo, A Parting Shot Elmo, sorry, but there's no way in hell you're not a Big Time Narc. You can't escape the look, it's just plastered all over your sexist but handsome face.
Yes, I'm Puerto Rican from the South Bronx, and yes I do have a fat, Jennifer Lopez behind, but you're never going to see it. Perhaps when you acquire some manners, learn how to express yourself as a gentleman would, and stop with your filth you might have a chance.

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babygirl says on Apr 1, 2005, 13:42:

Oh man! Elmo, how old is your nephew that's in the picture in your profile? And no I didn't picture you naked beside the burras because I don't know what you look like naked!! What do you think these guys in this village would have done if I had have asked them what their girlfriend's name was while pointing to the donkey? teehehehe...ahem, anyway, sorry for the vulgarity I couldn't resist.

Desi, are you really opening a B&B?

cheers - babygirl

Canadian Girls Kick Ass!

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Apr 1, 2005, 13:57:

babygirl, yes, that's the plan. I'm still waiting to know if I'll get my sabbatical and if i get it I'll be in Cali later this year, repairing my house and getting it furnished and set to receive paying guests. I have absolutely no experience in this, but accomodating three or four guests in my house and cooking breakfast for them shouldn't be beyond my means,
cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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babygirl says on Apr 1, 2005, 14:15:

That's FANTASTIC! What a cool idea! Make sure you keep us posted. I've always thought it would be neat to open a hostal or B&B. What a great way to meet new people and make new friends.

cheers - babygirl

Canadian Girls Kick Ass!

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toneloc24 says on Apr 1, 2005, 14:35:

Hey Desi Will it be guest-friendly??? And if so, if I book a double, does that include my guest(s) for breakfast? I can be a cheap bastard sometimes.

LOL!!!

"PBH is dead!!!!"

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Apr 1, 2005, 14:44:

off the top of my head toneloc,
I'd welcome you and your manuelita any time. Any third party would have to pay her/his/it's own breakfast. LOL.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Miguel says on Apr 1, 2005, 14:49:

¡Ja! Good one, Desi.

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 1, 2005, 16:34:

"acquire some manners, learn how to express yourself as a gentleman would, and stop with your filth" - what? Then he wouldn't be Elmo. Besides his style seems to be fairly effective just the way he is. I heard that once he's got you on all fours and you're squealing like a pig, he's a perfect gentleman.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Miguel says on Apr 1, 2005, 16:59:

soul_searcher Never mind. I flamed you so much that I got timed out. Put it this way...don't expect to get the key to the city if you go to La Curramba.

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soul_searcher says on Apr 3, 2005, 10:23:

Congratulations, Elmo. I like to read, it's one of my pastimes. I'm also a very good researcher, and I read at one of your threads that you are a married man.

Silly me so willing to make a complete and total fool of myself over a man I don't even know. Your stupid ex-Puerto Rican girl friend is -I'm certain - just a very distant memory as she should be. She never even rated a mention in your girl-littered-past history except for you to make fun of her and her Mother.

Ay, bendito. Now who's not a nice person?

You are a good writer, though, so don't stop.

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