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Single mothers in Colombia - Middle-class reality

By the request of Paisa29 I am reposting my opinion about the topic of young Colombian single mothers looking for a foreigner partner. The thread was deleted and Paisa29 did not get to post his opinion. This is what I had to say:

This topic is interesting to me because I know several girls, friends and family members who have gotten pregnant before getting married. The common denominator of the cases I know is that the girls come from very good, middle-class, decent, conservative and religious families; they are good girls, somewhat sheltered, not your typical party girls who go to bed with every man they date.

From my experience growing up in Bogotá, I can tell you that the middle class families in general overprotect their daughters, don't talk openly about sex and consider sex a dirty or prohibited thing. You know that when you fall in love and you are very young, your hormones go crazy, you are filled with passion and lust and the more prohibited sex is, the more appealing. All the teachings of the Catholic Church and the strict family rules are easily forgotten or ignored in the heat of passion.

Many young couples have fast sex sporadically, whenever they find a good opportunity, like in the car, at a party, etc. Since the young people in Colombia don’t have the economic means to be independent and can’t afford to rent their own place, they have to be very creative when finding a place and a moment to let their passion flow. Young women and young men live with their parents until they get married and move away.

The kinds of girls I am talking about are still kind of naive and believe that the guy they are in love with and having sex with will marry them because they have had intimacy and their commitment is strong because of that.
They think that their now boyfriend will be their future husband. Many feel embarrassed about asking their family doctor for contraceptives since the doctor knows the parents, and many times is friends of the family. They may not even have the money to purchase the contraceptive pills on a regular basis because most of them go to school full time, don’t work and rely of the money their parents give them for basic expenses. They also feel intimidated buying condoms in the store because they are afraid somebody will see them. They still want to look like the innocent girls everybody thinks they are. They pretty much rely on calculating the safe days to have intercourse, and often their calculations fail.

The young guys are pretty immature and spoiled, living with their parents, going to some private college, having an easy life with mommy, daddy, and a maid that does all the house chores. They maybe in love but are not ready to get married and provide for a family.

So, usually the girl ends up having the baby and still living with her parents who pay for everything, and the guy often stays around for a while and then goes his own way after finishing his career.

In Colombia it is very hard for a woman who already has a kid to find a man who is willing to marry her and raise her child. Men run away from them. No middle-class family wants her son to marry a woman who has a kid with no father. Social pressure is heavy in Colombia and plays a very important role in the daily lives and decisions of people. So, that is maybe one of the reasons why you see many young Colombian single mothers wanting to date foreigners, with the hope to find a soul mate, a man that respects them and a father for their children, after a sour experience due to bad luck, immaturity or irresponsibility.

One of my cousins is going through this experience right now. She is 19 years old, and 4 months pregnant. The family is angry, sad and disappointed, and her boyfriend won’t marry her because his father won’t let him. Of course, I think he probably doesn’t want to get married either. She will continue to go to school and her family will help her take care of the baby. Who knows what the future holds for her.

Mariángela

By Mariangela on Jan 1, 2005, 09:08 in Friendly Talkzone.

paisa29 says on Jan 2, 2005, 05:37:

thank you mariangela first, I am a paisa woman.

thanks for your statement, you are right in most aspects, although I consider the problem in addition to the over-protection of the parents is the lack of sexual education here in Colombia,
in the middle-class the families are very catholic and conservative and there are many myths about the sexuality that scare to you and even more if you study in a school with nuns you do not have opportunity to learn nothing about it.
Also I know many girls who have gotten pregnant being too young and now they are looking for foreigner men because here they are not interested in single mothers, this kind of woman are hard workers dont go the bars usually.

My best concern is about the little girls between 12 and 15 years that are pregnant in the low class, from stratas 1 and 2 specially, most of them do not have access to the basic education, their mothers are unmarried with 5 or more children (from different men is ome cases)to maintain and working in shifts of 12 hours daily to gain a minimum wage, these women must leave to their single daughters in house taking care of the brothers while they are at work, when there is a guy around this little girl makes everything is possible to catch his attention like having sex with him since they have not had any education they do not use any protection and they got pregnant,for her it could be a good opportunity to find his partner in life or economical support, but this kind of guy is only interested in playing and having a good time and after when he realized the little girl is pregnant he leaves the girl and look for another one, so this way a vicious circle begins.

"Fill the earth with the light and warmth of hospitality" Conrad Hilton

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YEP says on Jan 2, 2005, 16:44:

Well ..... the good old story .......... Education education education education education .......

OK I will not talk this down but what human kind has done in the name of religion. Better stop on that note before I get carried away. But I damn sure would like a one on one with some of those priests.

Culture in different parts of the world/countries does the same so I understand why some western females get aggressive. I'd recommend they take that up where topics like this really needs to be adressed.

So if anybody have time when in Colombia and don't have a full schedule or time enough on your hand do something to change things.

Yes .... I don't expect you to save the world but do your nice little "good thing/deed" (one a day is a good start) then hopefully things can change over time

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 2, 2005, 16:52:

You'd like a one-on-one with some priests? I am sure there are some who'd like a one-on-one with you. Especially if you're a good-looking young schoolboy.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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isaactraveler says on Jan 2, 2005, 18:11:

hahah that was too easy UC damn I wish i had logged in a bit sooner.

Hey Yep

one on ones are EXACTLY what we boys try to avoid with priests. I usually have my coach, boyscout troop leader and school janitor present when I go to confession.

western women became more aggressive when they invented those tiny little pistols.

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YEP says on Jan 2, 2005, 18:47:

I was thinking more in the line of one to one encounter with my foot to that persons a.. or other suitable place. Some/many of them really release a lot of junk from their pedistal ....... got it.

Ehm ... I've been a coach .... so I can raise my voice quite well if need be ;-)

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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paisa29 says on Jan 3, 2005, 17:20:

Mariangela... Viste las respuestas?
Es obvio que ellos no tienen ni idea de lo que estamos hablando aquí, muchos de ellos son de paises "ricos" y para mí viven dentro de una burbuja, en su mundo perfecto, donde no existen este tipo de problemas, gran parte de la responsabilidad la tienen sus gobiernos que manipulan la información que reciben a travez de los medios de comunicación.
Muy pocos de ellos han tenido la oportunidad de viajar a paises de latino america como Colombia y conocer la realidad, para algunos es su primer encuentro con la pobreza y una forma de vida diferente a la que están acostumbrados.

Pero la verdad yo no los culpo, porque aunque yo he vivido toda mi vida en Medellín y como tu crecí en el estrato 4,tambien estaba dentro de una burbuja porque nunca me dí cuenta de algunas cosas que pasaban en las comunas, estratos 1 y 2 principalmente, hasta que ví (la vendedora de rosas)y hace poco que fuí a montar en el metro-cable como cualquier otro turista ví a una niña de 12 años embarazada, eso me puso muy triste y me llamó la atención, así que me puse a investigar y por eso publiqué mi comentario.

"Fill the earth with the light and warmth of hospitality" Conrad Hilton

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Miguel says on Jan 4, 2005, 00:10:

Exacto He viajado a Nicaraqua, Mexico, La Republica Dominicana, y 3 veces a Colombia; he visto la pobreza; ahoramismo estoy tratando ayudar una familia en Colombia con dolares y ropa.

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YEP says on Jan 4, 2005, 03:27:

Thanks Paisa29 for keeping us none spanish speaking attendies out of the loop

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 4, 2005, 08:03:

YEP, I do not think that was her attention. Most of the people on the board, including myself, could easily understand what she had written. Even if you run it through one of the internet translators you will get the gist of what she was saying.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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YEP says on Jan 4, 2005, 08:38:

he he .... I did and will keep an eye open when it comes to her you can be sure of that ;-)

you did mean "intention" well she achieved just the opposite.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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paisa29 says on Jan 4, 2005, 15:03:

YEP... wants to know, what I said here in spanish, believe me it is not a translation problem, only if you have lived or visited that area you will be able to understand it.

"Fill the earth with the light and warmth of hospitality" Conrad Hilton

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YEP says on Jan 4, 2005, 16:07:

Paisa .... you deprived me of even trying to understand,
giving a proper response or comment on your post. The translationservices didn't quite get it. And on crucial points of your post it could be understood in so many ways that responding based on it wouldn't do you post justice.

Could also be that you're not "woman" enough to stand by your post in english - but that's only speculation ;-)

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

------------------------------------------------------------------- Just another scandinavian getting ready to explore South America

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ReinaDeLa Baile says on Jan 4, 2005, 18:30:

a friend of mine from Colombia and I grew very tight, lots of confiding. He is now probably 55-60 years old and has been married to his high school sweetheart (Colombiana) For Ever. And he is very faithful.

However, he confided that the first FIFTEEN years of their marriage were DISMAL at best. For him. Why?

He was so happy to get a middle class virgin catholic wife. Until the honeymoon. Then he learned that she had been taught that ALL sex is bad, that women have to submit to their husbands, that anything outside of the missionary position is a heresy. Forget lingerie, massage, lights on, oral sex, erotica, oil, no way NADA.

It took him FIFTEEN years of trying, and finally couples therapy and even HELP FROM THEIR PASTOR to convince her that sex was not so awful.
Whew.

They are very happy now, but wow. And he stayed faithful all the while.

Andmy point is ........My point is that EDUCATION is taken for granted here in the USA.

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ReinaDeLa Baile says on Jan 4, 2005, 18:31:

p.s. the good news is that his wife was one of the few spared by Elmo's wild rampage in the USA. While he was busy putting on his condoms in a motel room with burnt orange shag carpet and a lava lamp, my friend's wife was snoring in her flannel nightie.

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utopiacowboy says on Jan 5, 2005, 06:51:

Interesting post, Reina. My wife is a devout Catholic and anything but promiscuous. Without disclosing anything private, I have NO complaints. Let's just say she's incredible.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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paisa29 says on Jan 5, 2005, 07:11:

reina you are very funny, BTW if you don´t have any knowledge of the spanish language, please don´t make a nick like reina de la baile, for your information the right way is LA REINA DEL BAILE.

"Fill the earth with the light and warmth of hospitality" Conrad Hilton

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ReinaDeLa Baile says on Jan 5, 2005, 10:32:

mil gracias paisa29 estimada paisa:

me permito escribirle a Usted con el motivo de saludarle y tambien agradecerle de su atencion con mi espanol cual es muy poco y siempre nesesitando ayuda y apoyo.

sin nada mas le saludo muy atentamente,
la reina del baile

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paisa29 says on Jan 5, 2005, 10:55:

you are welcome! count on me, I can help you with your spanish.
if you have noticed my english is not perfect either and I would appreciate any help about it.

"Fill the earth with the light and warmth of hospitality" Conrad Hilton

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cremaster says on Jan 5, 2005, 16:39:

Gringo ¨I grew up with a Catholic school in my neighborhood. A lot more of the girls there got pregnant over what happend in the public school.¨

Or, the Catholic girls carried through with the pregnancy and the public school girls aborted.

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momtotwins says on Jan 6, 2005, 18:45:

Does anyone know how I can safely shop via the internet from a store in Bogota called "Mackoos" ( sp? ). I travelled to Colombia 3 years ago, bought plenty but plenty is never enough. I fell in love with Bogota.

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isaactraveler says on Jan 6, 2005, 20:27:

yes momtotwins. go to your bank and open another checking/atm account, and only feed money into it from your real account, when you plan to purchase something. I believe that most banks will protect your purchase from fraud. At least, Bank of America does. They will reverse charges and investigate the transaction. In the end, they might pay it, but it sure cuts down on the fraudulent activity.

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