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Questions on mentality of Colombian women

Hi, I'm new here and from Europe. I was looking for some information about Colombia when I found this forum and thought that this is the right place to ask some questions. Here's my story... I was interested in a Colombian woman living where I live, but couldn't get her, because she is married. But I liked her mentality and looks and thought it would be a good idea to look for others. So I registered in a Spanish-speaking online dating system to look for Latinas near where I live. Soon I got contacted by women from Latin America. And I found one that I like or she found me. After only 4 days of talking via email and exchanging pictures she said, that she wants a relationship with me and started to send me love confessions. I gave her some reason to fall in love. I told her a lot of romantic things. But I'm a little bit suspicious about this speed. So my first question is about the mentality of women from Colombia. Is it normal that they fall in love thus quickly or are there usually other motives present? Our first plan was, that I come to Colombia, that we spend some romantic days in a hotel and thereafter a week n her city to get to know each other. Some time later she wanted to visit me for a couple of weeks and eventually stay here. She looked for the hotel, told me the price (1000$ for 3 days) and asked me if I will give her the money later if she books the trip. In sum the whole journey was too expensive for me, so I cancelled by telling her that my budget is limited. She was sad and I promised to visit her later. She is cute, intelligent, sensitive, upper-class and has a very good job. Funnily the Colombian woman I know here was in school with her and confirmed some facts I got from her. Second question: Is it true that the guy is paying for everything when dating a Colombian woman? I told her that my budget is limited. I'm willing to pay for her if this is common there, but it will limit the activities we can do together, if she doesn't contribute her share. Third question: Why would a Colombian woman from the upper-class with a good job, family and friends leave her country and go somewhere where she doesn't even understand the language and won't get a good job for a long time? She says if she finds that special person she will go everywhere. And she seems to be convinced that this is me:-) Are Colombian women that romantic? Or is it possible, that she's just telling me all this merely to have a free look at me. I'm about to book a flight to Colombia for October and want to make sure that it isn't for nothing. I like her and she avows her love to me, so if we get along well I would sincerely commit to the relationship. Thanks in advance.

By Swabianguy on Aug 5, 2004, 08:41 in Friendly Talkzone.

utopiacowboy says on Aug 5, 2004, 09:29:

Despacio, Senor. $1000 for 3 days sounds expensive - was this a whole trip you were taking for the two of you to Cartagena or San Andres? I would be a little suspicious - how did she find you? Did the first woman tell her about you? This all sounds a little too much too soon. By all means, take your trip in October but exercise caution until you know that you can trust her. How old is she? Does she have children?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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vicshere says on Aug 5, 2004, 09:35:

red flag Any one who asks for $1000 for 3 days is surely a con....be very careful my friend this sounds very shady to say the least.... LOVE cons are very prevalent in Colombia....just cause she says she's upper class doesn't mean its the truth.....and why couldn't someone from an "upper class" be a con to...again be careful and good luck

listo
"con mucho gusto"
Vic

listo

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daver says on Aug 5, 2004, 11:02:

Try to slow things down with her.... test her. You will find out quickly if she is a fake or not.

You never know, it may be a man sending you pics of his sister or girlfriend... Easy money, you know.

Dave

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Swabianguy says on Aug 5, 2004, 11:30:

More facts I was suspicious myself by this speed. She found me in this online system, sent me a wink. Thereafter I contacted her. But I got contacted by other women, even more aggressively and she could see this in this online system. She sounds trustworthy. She's 38, has no children. I'm 48, was married previously. She sent emails from her office, she sent several phone numbers. She called me three times, once in my office. I called her once. What she writes in her Spanish emails sounds as if she knows exactly wants from life. There's a lot of depth in it. But she also woos me intensely with short emails written in English.

My Colombian friend here didn't know that I registered in this system. She was on holiday at that time. I told her the name later. She said she might know her and asked to see a picture of her. Then she recognized her. She confirmed the upper-class, said she has been brought to school by a chauffeur and lived in noble residential area. The trip she planned was to Cartagena. Flight and 3 nights in a hotel plus a trip somewhere. My friend here didn't see this negative. She said this woman wants to show me the country. But she also said that this is too expensive.

Our plan is now to fly there for maybe 10 days. I will take a hotel near where she lives. She suggested some. She has to work, wants to take all of her holiday in winter to visit me in Germany. But she has lots of time besides her work and we will make short trips on the weekend, maybe stay one night in another hotel somewhere.

These things I have to pay there, don't I? I just want to have an idea of my total costs.

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mzzmerized says on Aug 5, 2004, 11:42:

I agree with daver even upper class families can fall on hard financial times...the class system in Colombia depends as much on the family tree as it does on the bank account...lots of people there from good families but broke...don't send any money...go there and do things your way...on YOUR financial terms...you will soon tell if she is genuninely interested in you...what city is she from? i hope i'm not opening myself up to any bashing on this board but there were some things i agreed with regarding that one psycho-poster's tirades about Cali...

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ShazCas says on Aug 5, 2004, 11:53:

Love Colombians in general are very passionate and intense, and it is normal to tell someone you love them a week after you meet them. However, it doesn't mean it's true, even if they think it is. She can't love you. She's never met you. So, as the others said above, you have to be very careful.

As has been said before, DON'T send any money. By all means go and meet her if that's what you want to do, but yes, a Colombian woman does expect a man to pay for everything, period, especially a woman over the age of 30. Not just now, but for life. So it will be expensive, as she has expensive tastes.

If you don't live, you don't learn, but be careful. If you mean so much to her, don't just give yourself to her - make her work for you a bit, so that she'll respect you. Women don't respect a walkover.

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Dolfi says on Aug 6, 2004, 01:51:

I wouldn´t take anyone for serious who tells me she loves me while we never met in person.

By the way: She needs a visa to come to Germany which is somehow difficult to get.

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Swabianguy says on Aug 6, 2004, 04:11:

Thanks for advice Thanks for the comments. I will be careful and I won't ever send money. I told her already that I'm not rich and that my budget is limited. She replied in a long email, that she neither looks for someone who flatters her nor for economical stability. She said, that she always had a good life and that she has her reserves.

I'm not completely on my own there (BTW she lives in the north of Bogota). There's the family of my Colombian friend who lives there. I will take some luggage from my friend with me, because she will go home at the end of the year for two months. I spent some time with her nephew, who was on holiday here, and will meet this guy there too. And I'm in contact with another woman from Bogota (we talk via messenger). She offered to take some free days to show me a bit of the country, if I come there. I can contact her if it turns out that the other woman is a con, although it will surely come accross somewhat strange if I'm just calling her and say "Hi baby, surprise, I'm in Bogota". I must think about a better way.

The woman in question sent me seven emails during the last two days, everything from serious relationship talk to plain wooing with sexual insinuations and also new pictures and a funny video file. I showed one of my longer emails to my Colombian female friend. She said, that what she writes, sounds very honest.

So while a healthy mistrust is surely appropriate, I want to give this a chance, because if she is honest, she might well be the woman I'm looking for.

Any ideas about my other question?

If everything is true about her economical situation (she tells me, that she's just graduading as an engineer), then why would she give all this up for an uncertain future? Are the women there that naive, that they think with a good education but without a knowledge of the language they will get a job everywhere in the world? My friend here has a very good education (several university degrees). She speaks an acceptable German, but still doesn't get good jobs. Most of the time she teaches Spanish.

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utopiacowboy says on Aug 6, 2004, 07:53:

Why would she give this up? My wife is a chemical engineer who had a good job in Colombia but as a 42 year old widow (even a gorgeous one) with three children, her marriage prospects in Colombia were non-existent. This woman is 38 with no children so her propsects are better but still limited. Most Colombian men want young women. I had a healthy amount of distrust while my relationship with my wife was developing but over time, I trusted her more and more as she proved to be true to her word, honest and trustworthy. The same may turn out to be true here so I think you are right to give her a chance. I gave my wife a chance and it was the best thing I ever did.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Bquilla says on Aug 6, 2004, 17:31:

Swabianguy,I would be a little suspicious. US$1000 for 3 days is very expensive. Upper class? How knows, maybe is truth maybe not. My advise is keep looking maybe there is a special person waiting for you not for money. Be careful and good luck

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Rico says on Aug 7, 2004, 12:07:

Faked love... If a woman shows too much interest in money, I would be very, very suspicious! Anyone with a little bit of common sense, will realize that $1,000 USD for 3 days is too much money. The same goes for the "instant love" scheme. There's no such thing, my friend. Love is never that fast! Therefore, you should be very careful with this girl!

I hope you read the link below. It will open your eyes to some of the scams out there.

http://www.latinlovescams.com/

My advice: Please try another Colombian girl!

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feruncg says on Aug 8, 2004, 00:45:

Be cautious! Bogotá does not have a naïve lady such as the one you describe. I was born in Bogotá and I lived there for 21 years, and I can tell you that upper class ladies do not contact a dating service online looking for their soul mate nor they want to leave the country because of the economic situation. There is always a better way to do that and they know it. I strongly advice you to plan a travel to Colombia with a native that you can trust. You may find your Colombian lady without spending a fortune.
Trust me on this one!!

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Dan says on Aug 8, 2004, 12:53:

Expensive. $1000 for three days is expensive if it's only for a hotel. Not including airfare, I stayed in Bogota for a week and in one of the hotels in the Zona Rosa and only paid about $520 or so, then for regular spending for food and other stuff, only about $200-300 and that's it.

Good luck finding someone, whether it's the girl you are in contact with or its a different one.
Daniel

God Bless America!

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mjf0048 says on Aug 8, 2004, 21:06:

Don't send any money to Colombia Hey, dude

I've been to Colombia around 12 times over the last six years. Let me tell I smell a scam. A hotel does not cost $1,000 for three nights. The most you could spend, is around $150 night in a good hotel. Something in the middle of the pack would cost you $70 a night. If you don't want to get scamed you can joing an agency. Most will post your picture for a fee which the women will contact you first. I belong to one in Barranquilla which also has an office. But also is the most expensive becuase of the quaility of the women and services they offer online and onsite. I am not an owner of this agency and I am not trying to peddile an business. I am just a customer. I am just trying to save you some money. Their website is www.latin-wife.com

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Swabianguy says on Aug 9, 2004, 02:47:

Scam or not scam? I can't decide this ultimately from here. I read the above mentioned website. I think I have reason to believe that she's not a scam. First my Colombian female friend here in Germany recognized her name and her photo and thus confirmed her identity and some other facts. My friend was in school with her for 10 years. I can trust her. Then I have her phone numbers and her address. I called her once. She sent emails from her business email address. I could call her there and probably will do so before I will travel to Bogota. Now that I sent her photos of my children she promised to send me photos of her family. I have already one photo showing her with a family member. I think she is serious about a relationship. Since I told her on Friday, that I booked the flight, it seems that she is getting a bit nervous too. From what she writes I think she is checking out if we are compatible in sexual and other ways. She's not a 10 on the looks scale, maybe a 8.5, and she's nearly 40 years old. But I like her from the looks and more so from what she writes. She could be my soul mate and I must find this out. Her love confessions for me might be a bit exaggerated. I know this. But in between she writed emails that are very serious and show me much of her personality.

The 1000$ trip included a flight from Bogota to Cartagena and a trip by a boat. She didn't know my financial situation at that time. Meanwhile I told her that my financial capabilities are limited and I told her how much money I'm going to spend in Bogota at a maximum and she didn't object. I told her about the difficulties to get a visa for Germany when she wants to visit me and what kind of papers she needs. She said, that I shouldn't worry about that. She's able to provide all of these papers.

So thanks for all the warnings. I will keep them in mind. I might come up with other questions about Colombia soon, when the date of the travel comes closer.

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Swabianguy says on Aug 9, 2004, 07:28:

This is not a scam I googled and found her name and the address she gave me on PaginasAmarillas. Also her home phone number, which she didn't give me yet officially. She gave me two cel phone numbers but called me once in my office from another number half an hour after after I sent her an email from there which contained my office phone number. I saved this number and it is that from her home.

She never wanted money from me in advance. It was her idea that I come first to Colombia and that she comes to Germany in winter. I looked again at her email where she told me the costs of the trip to Cartagena. She said that she will pay the trip in advance and asked me if I will give her the money later. It were only 800$ for 4 days, 3 nights including the flight and a trip to an island. I added 200$ for the dinners we will have. She chose a 5-star hotel, so this isn't expensive. I cancelled because the whole journey to Colombia would have been too expensive for me at present.

With all the other indications I have that she is real I'm now 100% sure that she's not a scam and the only thing to do now is to meet her and see if we have chemistry.

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utopiacowboy says on Aug 9, 2004, 09:08:

You sound pretty sensible and realistic. I say go for it!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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mjf0048 says on Aug 9, 2004, 15:58:

You are asking for trouble I say you go to a travel agent and book it on your own. That way you will be 100% for sure it is not a scam. Rule #1 never ever send anyone one money no matter what they tell you. As long as you don't have the tickets in hand or any hotel conformation numbers she can take off with your money. Just tell her that you will make the arranments from Germany. She what her reaction is. If she resists its a scam. I know from the culture do not trust anyone in Colombia especially people who you have never met. Don't come crying to us when she takes off with all your money. We told you so.

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utopiacowboy says on Aug 9, 2004, 16:30:

I sent money to my now wife after I had communicated with her for two months but before I had actually met her in person for a trip to San Andres. She was as good as her word. She has always been completely trustworthy.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Wingman says on Aug 15, 2004, 23:13:

Recently Married in Bogota Hi there Swabianguy.... Just a quick note to inform you I recently went to Bogota and married a very nice girl. Her initial description of things are quite different from what I experienced. In fact, no one single family member afforded not even one-cent towards our wedding. As a matter of fact, I even had one of her brothers ask me for money on the same wedding nite. I do speak Spanish and it is not too hard for me to decifer this people out. Nevertheless, my Wife is an endearing/honest/sweet lady and I am now permanently moving to Bogota in just a few weeks time, from the Good O'l USA...

Good Luck yo you....

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Swabianguy says on Aug 26, 2004, 06:56:

The story continues... Hi Wingman, good luck to you too. How complicated is it to marry in Colombia?

I'm communicating with my Colombian woman several times daily. Meanwhile I trust her completely.

I will visit her in 2 months and she wants to visit me 2 months later. Right now we are making plans on how to stay together forever. She wants this badly... I'm a bit more reserved because it goes that fast and because I have not much financial reserves at present. But I truely like her and she complies with me in many ways... she even wants to contribute money for a language course. We both agree though that the first step is to get to know us in person. This is a very intense love story via the internet and because I never experienced something like that I'm a bit careful with my expections. But she pushes me forward with a lot of sensibility and love.

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