[26 Feb 2005. THIS THREAD IS NOW LOCKED. The original issue has been thoroughly discussed and the most recent posts are off-topic and unfriendly -Moderators]
Hello again less than three weeks until I touch down in Cali...I have been corresponding with a girl in Cali who speaks english she knows what I look like and now I've seen a picture of her and man she is seriously ugly! sorry no offence or anything but wow shes like the ugliest girl I've ever seen but I don't want to hurt her feelings but I'm really not interested in her like that...she can speak english though would I be using her if I was too just do activities with her but not reciprocate her interest? I don't want her to think I'm just using her as a spanish translation service....am I being pathetic, shallow? be blunt with me please...she wants me to meet her parents and all this its sorta weird really...I don't consider myself ugly *pictures in my profile if you must* but I don't want to give her the wrong idea about me either..I don't have the heart too tell her that I'm not really into her
What do you think about?
By richj1011 on Feb 23, 2005, 14:10 in Friendly Talkzone.
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caslug says on Feb 23, 2005, 14:20: recommendation.. just tell her you look forward to visiting cali to meet with ALL(3-10, make up something) your "amigas" you have been in contact w/ via internet. You plan to a spend little bit of time with each and everyone one of them. That way she won't feel bad if you only met her for lunch during the week, meeting lunch is good because she will have to go back to work after an hour.
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Lauthra says on Feb 23, 2005, 14:30: 'be blunt with me please...' I think you and and 'the ugliest girl you've ever seen' would be a good match. IMHO. Nato (='.'=) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Lauthra says on Feb 23, 2005, 14:35: You said: 'I don't consider myself ugly *pictures in my profile if you must*' Nato (='.'=) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 14:37: What I mean is when I started corresponding with I just wanted a contact someone to hang-out with...shes the one saying to me Ī'm going to introduce you to my parents' thats not coming from my side
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Lauthra says on Feb 23, 2005, 14:39: I see Well, it could have been a bad picture, wait till you meet her. And in the meantime, just tell her you would prefer to meet her parents later on. Or you can just not call her when you get to Cali... Nato (='.'=) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 14:47: I would never not call her if I've given my word...I just don't think I'd want any type of romantic relationship with her
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:06: *silently starts ripping his hair out*
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babygirl says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:09: Oh the joys of internet dating..haha...Sorry I really am chuckling but only because this happened to me the first few times I started doing the internet dating thing before I got wise and exchanged pictures first therefore I could set the tone of the conversations etc.... This has also happened to me EVEN AFTER exchanging pictures because people can seriously misrepresent themselves with pictures... try finding out on a date face to face that the guy you've been chatting with/talking to is really really creepy looking or has BO or yellow teeth or recently decided to grow a mullet... EEK! I think the lunch thing is a good idea that way you can take her out to lunch and,..blah blah it was great meeting you and talk about your plans and other people that you've met (whether or not you really have any at that point)... if she persists you're going to have to be blunt and tell her you're not interested in her that way. Hanging out with her as a "translator friend" is not cool at all. You know what? If it were me in your situation I would email her or call her now and tell her now how you feel, she might not even want to meet you face to face anymore and you're off the hook. cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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JFS says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:15: Tell her you're gay... That should solve your problem ;)
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:16: arghh I just deleted a big post explaining a few things URGHHHHHHH! :(
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babygirl says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:16: PS: I completely understand that you initiated contact with her from the start not to "date" her but to make a friend. I've done it many times before and it's amazing how people can misunderstand. I have a similar situation in Cartagena right now, but thank GOD he's not the ugliest/scariest guy I've ever seen, makes things easier to handle. I just don't understand where things crossed over from being friends to being a girlfriend, crazy eh? I'd be running to the hills if he wanted me to meet his family though. Good Luck! cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:19: Thanks Babygirl! I think you the only one here who seems to understand!
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Lionheart says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:24: I had same experiences First I was looking for friends in Latin America. Once I had decided to move to Colombia I specifically looked for friends in Colombia. Time is on your side ... if you drag your feet long enough a few real friends will stay in contact, the others get bored. Keep their addies though for when you are there, as backup.
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:28: hmmm very good advice lionheart...I'll definately meet this girl I said I would and I intend to follow through...however if she expects more than friends unfortunately I will not be able too...
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JFS says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:29: richj1011,
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 15:38: thanks!!! JFS I just printed the list off then! much appreciated
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utopiacowboy says on Feb 23, 2005, 16:12: Primero, fotos. Secundo, mas fotos. Tercero, mucho mas fotos. Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 16:19: I really don't know why she wants me to meet her parents it was something completely out of the blue...perhaps she just wants me to meet them because they don't meet many foreigners? I really don't know...ok I think I'm going to do exactly how you suggest we will be just friends...I'm really starting to worry that I'll be very conspicuous in Cali...I prefer to stay low key as I'm an ultra low key kinda guy lol..by things that have been written on this site I doubt thats going to be possible..
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 16:35: G.I.B I wouldn't be using her by having lunch etc its just that I get the impression she has great expectations of me...I don't know why I haven't been the least bit suggestive or flirtatious in any of my e-mails to her...the only thing that I've asked remotely down that line is if she had a boyfriend and she said no she broke up with him not long ago because `he was too childish' I only asked her that because I didn't want to meet her if she did because her boyfriend would probably become jealous (which is fair enough I guess).
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isaactraveler says on Feb 23, 2005, 18:53: hey genius here is what you should do... here is what you do:
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carolain11 says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:17: ugly girl Perhaps she wants you to meet her parents cause she's of a friendly nature, and yes, foreigners in Colombia are something new to people, so wait til you meet her and see how she behaves, if you see she wants a commitment or something then confront her and tell her you're not looking for a relationship...
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Tinto (Moderator) says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:18: Hi Isaac! How are they getting along in the land of leche, miel y pistachios?
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:21: Issac ummm thats disgusting! *I'm secretly dying with laughter though*
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SiempreHero says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:25: Ugly or not,,colombian girls Sure dude, you say ugly now. Wait till you get there and she starts weaving her magic web around you. Your a gonner. jajajajajaj. I bet you will be writing like the typical love struck puppy after u get back. Have fun. Dont drink to much Club Colombia
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:28: Hi Carolain...yes you could be right...her e-mails certainly have a `friendly' tone to say the least...I'll meet her regardless as I said I would and its not like I have any other set plans there ...
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:33: Siempre I'm not sure will just have to wait and see...people on here have made me nervous like I'm not sure I want to fall in love with a Colombian on holiday it could certainly complicate my life more than I'd like...almost glad I don't speak spanish now as it will keep most people at bay...because of the language barrier hehehe
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babygirl says on Feb 23, 2005, 19:43: lol.. richj1011 nothing wrong with being a sex crazed fiend... cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 23, 2005, 20:02: hehe thanks babygirl...yep your right I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her...why would I? just because I'm not personally attracted to her doesn't mean I'm going to be insulting or cold with her I just have to be careful so that she realises I just want to be friends `casual friends' as someone else put it on here...
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adela says on Feb 24, 2005, 13:38: Hey, I like this post because shows the other face of male reaction: when the caleña looks "ugly". Màs fe, màs abrazos, màs besos, màs disculpas, màs visitas a nuestros amigos antiguos nos haràn màs plenos cada vez. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 24, 2005, 13:55: Hi Adela thanks ok I wish now I'd never used the word `ugly' it was a mistake at the time I just lacked a better word...
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Lionheart says on Feb 24, 2005, 13:59: jajajaja adela Before I decided to move away from here I was looking for a woman online for a relationship. I actually met my 2nd ex online, we both didn't live far away from each other (WA) and we dated in person for 6 months before we married. After that experience I met a few more in person that I originally met online. For me friends first is a rule I setup for me personally a few years back... too many burst bubbles. And in my state of transition now it would be insane to seek a woman for a relationship. Yeah, I crashed into one at my destination now ... I must be insane.
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lpdiver says on Feb 24, 2005, 14:01: Utopia I prefer webcam and microphone. Then you know what you are dealing with more or less. I can post any picture and claim it is me. Or a pic from five years and fifty pounds ago. Also real conversation tells a lot. some people can be funny and witty with a keyboard are boring in vivo. "cook some rice!" 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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adela says on Feb 24, 2005, 14:35: insane Lionheart? Màs fe, màs abrazos, màs besos, màs disculpas, màs visitas a nuestros amigos antiguos nos haràn màs plenos cada vez. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 24, 2005, 14:45: no I didn't meet her through a dating/matchmaking/matrimonial website...another website and I stated `LOOKING FOR FRIENDS IN CALI'
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utopiacowboy says on Feb 24, 2005, 14:57: Unfortunately not that many Colombianas have web cams. This is why I quickly forked over $20 to my wife after we became interested in each other so she could buy a web cam. Damm, that was the best $20 I ever spent. Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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WidowerfromCanada says on Feb 24, 2005, 20:47: Rich a lot of pictures don't do a girl justice Rich, Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 24, 2005, 22:01: W.f.C...I regret what I said now I'm going to meet this girl *for lunch* at least and see what happens...maybe I was a bit too quick to judge we'll see!
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babygirl says on Feb 25, 2005, 06:18: Now now widowerfromcanada, there has to be atleast one? or two perhaps? I guess we'll have to go see for ourselves considering I've never been to Cali and I don't think that you've been either, right? cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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WidowerfromCanada says on Feb 25, 2005, 11:44: Ok Babygirl ,we can go to Cali together. Love is like a butterfly , if you chase it you will not catch it but you can hope the butterfly of love lands on your shoulder. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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babygirl says on Feb 25, 2005, 11:57: lol way cute Jeff! cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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ShazCas says on Feb 25, 2005, 12:01: Photo Rich, why don't you show us the photo?
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richj1011 says on Feb 25, 2005, 13:12: I already said it was in my profile...what difference does it make anyway? *no hostility intended*
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ARMacleod says on Feb 25, 2005, 13:34: Hi richard. Odd choice, odd pose Let me guess, Think no evil, hear no evil, see no evil? or Hangover? The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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lpdiver says on Feb 25, 2005, 13:42: rich I think he meant the photo of the babe. "cook some rice!" 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 25, 2005, 13:49: oh!! yeah sorry my mistake! I would but I'm worried of the ramifications of doing that...for all I know who friends/family members even her (its possible I suppose) could be coming to this site so if I post her photo wouldn't that be morally and ethically wrong? I just think if I post her picture it will make a lot of people here (especially women) more angry with me
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 25, 2005, 13:53: I think you should post her photo. You've stated the problem, you asked for advice but without seeing her picture there's little anyone can say one way or another. "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 25, 2005, 14:07: sure? No, I can't tell you if it's a good idea or not. If I were that "ugly girl" I probably wouldn't appreciate it too much. For your purposes it would be a good idea because that way you'd get plenty of people responding your post. It's up to you, of course. "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 25, 2005, 14:22: Hush, tinto I was playing "devil's advocate" for a while, but I just can't help myself...couldn't hold the mask long enough. Now we'll never see her picture.... "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 25, 2005, 14:24: ok now I'm definately not now! thats settles it...besides I think nothing can be gained everyone has already had their say...so what good would it do for me to post her picture so you can have a look at her & a laugh...it would be tacky...perhaps I might send it to people privately but I'm not going to stoop to posting random people on here also there is always at least one other person in the photos so you get the idea...just not a good idea and I wouldn't feel comfortable with it really
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 25, 2005, 14:34: no richard, I didn't want to see her picture for that reason, not for laughs. yes, I got curious and thought that she might not be so ugly after all and even girls that are not that pretty may have a beautiful smile, beautiful hair or something appealing about them. "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 25, 2005, 14:40: ok I'll say this as a final word I went to this website allcolombiangirls.com and went through forty pages of women and could not find ONE girl who was less attractive (no joke) most of the girls on that site are so gorgeous compared to this girl...
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ShazCas says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:17: Because you said she looked scary It was really because you said she looked scary and I'm nosy, so, after all, you were asking for our opinion? By the way, lpdiver, I'm a "she" not a "he"!
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ShazCas says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:28: Honest Ok, some proper advice - sometimes men can be guilty of getting a girl's hopes up by not being honest and upfront about things, because they don't want the confrontation, and who can blame them? But the kindest thing you can do is obviously not say she's ugly of course but say you're not interested as soon as you can. The sooner she knows where she stands the better. Do not lead her on in any way basically or make crap excuses that let her believe there may be something, because it'll be harder to get away from her after! Better to do the hard part right away! Good luck, enjoy Cali and stay in the Iguana!
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babygirl says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:28: OMG Rich do NOT post the picture! Seriously, someone could know her, be related and if not that you are opening up a huge and horrible can of worms worse than you already have. If i share a picture of me with someone on the net I'm hoping that they'll keep it private or ask for my permission before they share it with someone else. It's just an unwritten rule of the net. cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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ShazCas says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:32: And another thing If you're not into her, why buy her a present, pay for dinner and see her parents? It'll just hurt her more in the end, women can delude themselves into thinking that a man likes them even if it's pretty clear they don't, so don't send out mixed messages. You could tell her as soon as you see her that you want tp be friends, but what for? Do you want to be her friend? It doesn't sound like it! Anyway, that's my agony aunt session over!
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happenstance says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:34: JUST TELL HER YOU'RE NOT GOING AFTER ALL. YOU CANCELLED. When The Pawn Hits The Conflicts He Thinks Like A King What He Knows Throws The Blows When He Goes To The Fight And He’ll Win The Whole Thing ‘Fore He Enters The Ring There’s No Body To Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, Yo 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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babygirl says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:34: stupid computer..sorry i had technical difficulties cheers 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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richj1011 says on Feb 25, 2005, 15:39: I'm not going to post her picture so don't worry about it...calm down everyone....calm down...I don't recall ever saying I won't meet her or be her friend just thats where it will end at a `friendship stage'
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Hunter says on Feb 26, 2005, 14:38: Desi Very interesting, you ask him to post a pic of the lady in question, then if you did you would have a go at the poor guy.
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Gomezman5 says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:07: Rich, I'll be blunt If looks is a premium for you......and I am not saying it should or should not be, then if you consider her ugly, I would forget about her altogether. In other words, just tell her an inocent lie. Tell her you can't go because of work and go anyway. Because if she hhas expectations insofar as having future with you, if you don't give her the attention she is looking for, she will really be hurt. If you simply tell her that you can't go there and don't have any idea when you can go to Cali, she will still be let down, but not nearly to the extent that she will be if you go there and show her you are not interested in her. She will really be depressed. Look, this happens here all the time. People go on blind dates after 5,6,or 7 phone conversations, they see each other, and if the chemistry is not there, than, the fire goes out. There is nothing wrong with that.
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:15: hunter, yes and I stopped him from posting her picture because I changed my mind. I got curious and then I thought it over and said no. So, does that make me a bad person? Stop hunting for my head! "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Gomezman5 says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:30: Rich.....Shazcas is correct...... Let her go....Unless you are certain she will be happy with you only as a friend. No gifts, no dinners, no taking her out. Leave her be.
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Hunter says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:36: Desi I am not hunting for your head, you regularly provide good Colombian info and other times you try to stir the s..., I believe you are two faced, so I will continue to point it out.
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:41: hunter, I will say it one more time, since you obviously did't either read it or believe in it: I made a mistake and I regretted it! I made it totally clear for Richard that I had re-considered the issue and chnaged my mind about it. I wanted to see the gir's picture to have an opinion of my own about her, yet I posted a comment a few minutes after that stating that it would be unethical. "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Hunter says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:47: Desi I know you made a mistake, because you left yourself open, you realised that then changed your mind.
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Gomezman5 says on Feb 26, 2005, 15:48: Hunter and Desi...... You guys are both good people and contribute a lot.....make some peace. Pardon me for intervening, people have done it for me, and I have appreciated it.
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Desideria (Moderator) says on Feb 26, 2005, 16:14: gomezman, as long as hunter keeps calling me a troll there'll be no peace between us. It's simple as that. I have offered him my explanations for the reason why I have done certain things, but he refuses to accept them or see them as genuine. I've been a member of long standing here and I really resent being called a troll. "When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth) 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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miamimike says on Feb 26, 2005, 16:27: You never know.... Hey RichJ--Pictures are deceiving sometimes. Case in point-a buddy recently went to the DR to meet a woman(s) he met on a dating site. She was his back-up(as he says) in case his No.1 bailed on him. Well No.1 bailed and he had to go to No.2. He told me she was Refeo(spanish for real ugly). Imagine his surprise when they met face to face-she was the BOMB--one hot looking babe. He and Her had a Ball his whole time there. Turned out the Lady was simply not photogenic. Maybe you will have the same luck. Go for it! "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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