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Prepping for my trip to the oven

The "oven" being my girlfriend's un-airconditioned casa in Barranquilla. I've been working out like a madman trying to sweat buckets before I depart.
Don't get me wrong, I live in Florida and I can sit outside in the summer as long as I'm in the shade and got a little breeze blowing on me.
But inside an un-airconditioned house with the windows barely cracked is a little too much for me.
I try to get her to open the windows some but she's always worried about the vecinos looking in. But hell, the bedroom's on the 2nd floor and there's only a boarded up building across the street. Nobody's looking in or getting in because she's got enough bars on the windows and doors that Harry Houdini on his best day couldn't break in.
I've also been practicing taking dumps without the toilet seat to make sure I can keep my bowel movements intact while in BQ but unfortunately, I can't duplicate the sauna like conditions of her bathroom. Nothing quite like crapping while covered in sweat.
Happy holidays to all.

By seabass on Dec 14, 2005, 08:05 in Friendly Talkzone. AddThis Social Bookmark Button


caslug says on Dec 14, 2005, 08:12:

dude.. why dont you buy a toilet seat and cover for.. her family´s bathroom. You can also buy a small AC unit too.

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bbattiste says on Dec 14, 2005, 08:26:

My wife is the same way. She gets very freaked out when I change near the 2nd floor window and the building across the street is boarded up too. But she has no problem breast feeding and walking around the apartment with her breast or breast showing and her 11 year old son's friends are in the house or other males.

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elmodefoque says on Dec 14, 2005, 08:29:

Dude what ever you do don’t get diarrhea, you be stuck in that bathroom for hours sweating buckets and stinking up the entire damn place. You gonna come outta there soaked in sweat and yellow. Don’t forget to bring newspapers; toilet paper are not in abundance like in the USA. I suggest you dunk the newspaper in water and then clean yourself, that might help, but most likely you gonna smell like crap all day long.

hey seabass, que barrio en curramba are you gonna stay?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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silviat says on Dec 14, 2005, 08:50:

ahahahha Advertencia: I write this from my total colombian or latin perspective

Guys is it weird for you, that thing about the bars in the windows and doors?

Because now that we are talking about buying a house, we were looking at houses and I said... well we need to put bars on the windows so thieves can't get in.

And he looked at me like: Are you crazy?? And then he started talking about alarms.

Well I think that specially if I stay alone sometimes when he travels... yeah, an alarm will start sounding when the thieves are home already... But why to even let them in?

I know it sounds paranoic... I guess we are all paranoic in colombia in that sense... otherwise we wouldn't have houses with bars in the doors and windows

Oh and his parents leave the doors open... they don't lock them in the nights. They never say a word but I know they think it's weird that I am going all around the house locking doors... Thats probably why there are so many weird serial killers and stuff like that here... no one locks their doors.

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seabass says on Dec 14, 2005, 08:51:

Caslug, I'll have to look into the small ac unit. Good idea, thanks.

Yeah, Elmo, I'll probably stick me a roll or two in the ole suitcase.
Didn't have a diarrhea problem the last couple of times I was there but there's always that chance.
I'm not really sure of the name of the barrio but it's in norte Barranquilla...estrato cinco I think.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Dec 14, 2005, 09:27:

I wouldn't feel I was in Colombia if I didn't have bars in all the windows, double door at the main entrance, seven padlocks at the door and the night watchman blowing a whistle all night long as he bikes by my house.

Cheers,
Desi


Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone
else's life.

-Kobi Yamada

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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fugdis says on Dec 14, 2005, 09:37:

information hey seabass the dumping thing...thats too much information dude!!

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seabass says on Dec 14, 2005, 09:47:

Fugdis,
Last time I was there, she got a little ticked thinking I had stopped up the toilet with toilet paper.
I have you know I didn't put one sheet of paper in the toilet. It was stopped up with Grade-A American crap!

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Mr. Hollywood says on Dec 14, 2005, 09:49:

AC You could buy the AC, but it sounds like her family isn't going to use it, anyway, since it sucks the electricity.

Silvia, yes, bars on windows freak me out. The rapist or burglar is just going to come in through the door, anyway, and then you'll be trying to cheese-grater yourself through those bars on the way out. Or contemplate fire...

Any thief worth his 20 pesos is going to be able to get around bars. You're really only stopping the neighborhood kids from coming in to steal beer.

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silviat says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:00:

that's so funny as desideria said.... it's something normal for us... Even if you have a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood you always have your bars in windows and doors. And yes if we would put them we would probably be the only house in the neighborhood with those.

I guess is one of the 1000 cultural differences we'll have to deal with in this household.

At least I won the battle of the meals... and established my colombian way in having big lunches and small dinners ;)

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elmodefoque says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:02:

hey seabass, what did you eat to get this grade A american crap? quater pounders with cheese? chalupa supreme? double decker taco or the 1/2 lbs bean burrito especial?

I'll get there, when I get there!

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seabass says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:11:

Elmo, Sad to say I'm guilty of all the above. Guess I should have let it out on the Avianca flight from Miami.
Let everyone on board enjoy my personal fragrance.

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fugdis says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:43:

crap seabass,theres a lot of grade A american crap here in the uk as well,country and western music,w.w.f,Macdonalds,britney spears is some that springs to mind

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Lowell says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:46:

Toilet seat The toilet in my mother in-laws house doesn't even have holes for a toilet seat and they don't like to flush the toilet after using it unless they've left a dump. YUK! That and other things in this house really gross me out. I don't understand how people can live like this, when it's so obviuos that 99% of the rest of Colombia lives a cleaner more sanitary life. No excuse..

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:58:

Out of curiosity, what purpose does the whistle serve? Does it let the bad guys know the sheriff is in town?

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seabass says on Dec 14, 2005, 10:59:

The thing is my girlfriend's house is bought and paid for. You'd think she could scrape up a few pesos to buy a toilet seat...unless they cost an arm and leg.
As for the air conditioning, yeah, the electricity is more expensive in her neighborhood but I don't think she would ever use it anyway because she's so used to the heat.
She can cook for an hour in the kitchen and maybe have a little bead of sweat on her upper lip and I'm sitting here in my ice cold office sweating away just thinking about it.

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dwmte says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:12:

i don't know who's objecting to bars in windows, but in colombia, that's like having a door. very few houses without bars. in the old days the 'ventanas' had wooden bars. but since those went the way of the whale and the bad guys evolved, steel is the order of the day. no difference the house is in poblado or barrio triste...they all come with bars. without bars is an exception, even in el campo.

dw

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poco says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:13:

pack'n Way too hilarious,,, packing toilet paper,,

This is a RURAL TOWN store,,,, toilet paper takes up the most isle space,, rice is second,,,,

Buy a toilet seat,, hummm,, better check to see if the toilet has HOLES to install a toilet seat,,, ha,, ha,,, I’d say a good 80% are DESIGNED not to have a toilet seat,,

Before you go,, practice standing on the rim and squatting to take a crap,, (I learned that on this site). The greater danger of a preliminary “blow out”,, the lower the recommended squat.




PS: Be sure and ask the recommended method for disposing "USED" toilet paper..

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." Quote - General Tommy Franks

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Albatross says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:14:

Seabass You sound like real catch...

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:18:

It took me several months to get my wife to stop locking the doors. I used to find the front door or back door locked and I'd holler, "WHO LOCKED THE GD DOOR!!!!!!!!". The first time her sons wandered off in the neighborhood, she was frantic looking for them. I laughed and told her, "Ha, that's a good one, Colombians come to the US and get kidnapped". They came back a couple of hours later from one of the neighbor kids' houses. A year and a half later she's acclimated to not living in fear.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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quindioman says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:21:

poco i notice you're quite the photographer.....even mundane toilet-roll packed aisles are fair game to you.....

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poco says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:27:

qman I have very few "tourist" type photos..

Suggest packing one of these and wrapping in toilet paper,,, then again,, bubble wrap is better.

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." Quote - General Tommy Franks

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seabass says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:28:

You're punny, Albatross!
Poco, the toilets definitely have holes for the seat. There's 2 bathrooms both toilets in the same condition.
I guess the thing that freaks me out so much is having my ass cheeks perilously close to the unclean water and swirling turd. With a toilet seat, there is somewhat of a buffer zone.
I believe I've "toiled" enough in this thread!! jajaja

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:34:

why the whistle? tinto, I have two theories. One is to let the thieves and burglars to know that the neighborhood is being watched; the second theory is to give the crooks enough of a warning to go into hiding so that the watchman doesn't need to take any action and maybe get hurt.

Cheers,
Desi

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone
else's life.

-Kobi Yamada

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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elmodefoque says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:48:

Hey seabass, you gonna get your ass wet anyway, what do you think happens when the turd hits the water and splashes your ass.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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silviat says on Dec 14, 2005, 11:52:

I think its also suposed to let the people know that this guys is actually doing his job of walking/biking around the neighborhood. So people can make sure they are actually doing their job instead of sleeping.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Dec 14, 2005, 12:07:

yes, of course silviat, I believe you are right. I've always been a bit curious about why the whistle but it makes more sense now.

Cheers,
Desi

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone
else's life.

-Kobi Yamada

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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