Pregnant

scotty says on Jun 21, 2007, 17:46:

Im not an expert on things like this, however, i would never have a baby killed because you cant keep it in your pants and she has never heard of the pill.
She should have the child, you should get a DNA test, and if its your child you should be a man and stand up and take care of that child to the best of your ability.

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 17:47:

Just beware that there are some people who will run a pregancy scam like that just to get money out of you.....may or may not be the case in your situation, but dont take what she, (or her lawyer/friend/parents/relatives/priest etc) tells you as gospel truth.....veryify all the claims......is she sitll in CR or back in Colombia?

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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seakfh says on Jun 21, 2007, 17:50:

I was practicing safe sex and it was an accident. She is now back in Cali for two months. I was just in Costa Rica this last week before she left.

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seakfh says on Jun 21, 2007, 17:56:

Like I said in my original post, my intentions are to find out if the child is mine, and if it is take care of the child. It just breaks my heart knowing that the child will grow up so distant from its father. I am a commercial pilot so I can go to Cali or Costa Rica when I have time off for almost nothing. But I think being a father from a far will be hard. I have had thoughts of quiting my job and moving to Cali but don't think that may be any solution to my problem.

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scotty says on Jun 21, 2007, 17:59:

well, dont promise anything, dont commit to anything until there is a DNA test.

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 18:04:

Sounds like she was working in CR? or just visiting?.....or she lives in CR?

There are some posters here who live in Cali who might be able to help you..let your thread run for a few days......there is also a poster by the name of lawyer CO here that might refer you to someone in Cali....i can not attest to his abilities, but it might be a starting point..you can PM him or email him......use common sense when selecting lawyers as well.......=)


Esteban R.
Colombian lawyer
Email: lawyerscolombia at yahoo.com

By lawyer CO on 2007-06-03 07:12:09.

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 18:04:

BTW.....quitting your current job and moving to Col is not the best alternative, IMHO.....

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 18:06:

BTW.....quitting your current job and moving to Col is not the best alternative, IMHO.....

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 18:11:

sorry about the dups, but i havent figured out how to delete them..my computer got hung up....i would think the conception location would not matter, only where the child is born, which would determine his/her citizenship as well (CR or Col, as well as being a US citizen if he/she is your child)......

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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seakfh says on Jun 21, 2007, 18:19:

I know quiting my job would not make sense. It is just one of those crazy thoughts that goes through your head when you are full of emotion.

I don't think the child is a US Citizen unless it is born in the US. I think she will most likely have the child in Col.

I really care for this woman, but don't feel like a unplanned prenancy is the best reason for marriage. I love her in a sense of caring for her... but not sure that love extends to wanting to get married.

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 18:53:

if you are a US citizen, then your child is one as well......thats a slam dunk, but you might have to go to the US Embassy in Bogota to process the paperwork....someone can address that as well, who is more knowledgeable about that....

marriage due to pregnancy is not, IMHO, a good reason....been there, done that, and would not marry again just for the sake of the pregnancy......odds are against a long relationship if it is not founded on love, i think.....you can still be a great father without being married to the mother of your child......like scotty says, dont throw the kid out with the bath water.....so to speak....not fair to him/her.....they all deserve a shot in life......

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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seakfh says on Jun 21, 2007, 19:20:

Thanks for the advice. I have a lot to think about. I am going to try an go to Cali in the next few weeks for couple days.

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 21, 2007, 19:24:

no problem....my pleasure...although i am not too sure that you have plenty of options in Colombia for the DNA testing......you may have to do some homework on that one......good luck!

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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elreydelostrolls says on Jun 21, 2007, 20:12:

If she was charging you, how much and was she hot?

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 21, 2007, 20:56:

Well morphus and elrey asked what I was going to; but I was going to be a little more delicate and not so direct. I was going to ask, what does she do for a living in Costa Rica? And then wait for your response. So, "what does this lady do for a living in Costa Rica?" How did you guys meet? Where did you meet? How long have you known her? Anyway, good luck. You sound like a stand-up guy. Hang in there. And like I think Miguel C. said: the pregnancy scam is not unheard of in Colombia. As a matter of fact, I think it is a great idea for you to visit Cali next month. Take an over the counter prego test. Offer it to her to take. If she refuses ... red flag, and that will tell you everything you need to know. Also, tell her you you are thinking of moving to Colombia, and that you would never try to take her to the US. See what she thinks of that idea. If she is pissed, super dissappointed, red flag. If she is happy at the idea of you (supposedly) moving to Colombia, it might not be a scam and she may very well be genuine.

He who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

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houstongal says on Jun 21, 2007, 21:40:

Do you have any proof that she is pregnant? Did you know she was pregnant before she left Costa Rica? Was it an oops moment as soon as you realized sex wasn't safe anymore and thus things were a bit tense until she missed her period at which point doom set in? I'm trying to determine whether or not this could be a scam. I get the impression that you knew there was an accident whereby safe sex wasn't practiced. If this was me, I would've immediately looked into seeing if the morning after pill was available rather than wondering if I got pregnant. If that option wasn't available, then I would've been quite tense until the time for my period came and went. It sounds like you were together for awhile in CR, therefore I was curious as to her emotions shortly after the "event." Unfortunately, too many women use the pregnancy card when they want to get a man - in the US and outside the US. You guys have got to be careful! I know this wasn't exactly the advice you were looking for, but given the posts of the others I felt I had to chime in with a woman's perspective. Good luck.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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Buongone says on Jun 21, 2007, 22:26:

I know a good friend of mine. He screwed a bar girl in the Philippines. Angeles City to be exact. Over 17 years ago. She became pregnant and had a boy. He took care of her financially for a few years. A lot of twist with the birth certificate and all. No DNA at that time. They split up. And she married a guy from Sweden. He adopted Little John John. Then after about 15 years. Like 2 years ago she gets Sweden to start coming after him for child support. They do a DNA and he ends up having to pay over 40K in back child support. So if you get married, thats up to you! But do it for the right reason. LOVE. Hope it's for love. Kind of the moral of the story. Bar girls can work out things to their liking also. Support. Not to say your GF is a bar girl, or anything like that. And by all means. Sounds as tho you have a good job. Don't quit it. That would be a big mistake.

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scotty says on Jun 21, 2007, 22:38:

yea Rubito, abortion, thats your answer? because the man and the woman screw things up take it out on the kid. dont give the kid a chance at life just kill it and move on, thats your recommendation? sad.

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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Peter (Moderator) (☼Travelguide writer) says on Jun 21, 2007, 22:57:

kalder says on Jun 22, 2007, 01:03:

At which precise moment does 'a piece of tissue' magically transform into an child?
When does 'innocent, victimless' abortion become infanticide?
I've no particular personal axe to grind. But no pro-abortionist has ever been able to answer those questions satisfactorily for me. Putting morality to one side for a moment, it just seems to me that the pro-life lobby's arguments make more sense, are more logical and are harder to refute.
Personally, I wouldn't want anything to do with abortion.

"kalder- have you ever had a woman?"--Sam Salmon

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 02:18:

I think in true Colombian male form you should bragg about how potent you are and leave the raising of that child out of wedlock to her. She should have used birth control or required you to use a condom. Since she didn't then I guess she is f&%ked. A very common tale here in Colombia. So many of the men here have children from different women. So the DNA test and all that bull is for her to prove you are the father. Otherwise wash your hands. It probably isn't yours anyway.

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 02:27:

oh and that fact she was in Costa Rica as mentioned above is a worthy note. She is probably scamming you all the way to the bank so turn off all this concerned father bullsh%t that she will be more than happy to use against you in every way possible and start playing by her rules. She is Colombian so she is thinking like a Colombian. You need to think like a Colombian. The child is not a US citizen until she has proved that the child is yours and you sign for it. So stay away from her until she is able to prove something beyond any doubt. Like a DNA test with a notary stamp in original form. Until then have a beer and relax. DON"T DO ANYTHING until then.

If you love her and she loves you then all is different but that is not what I am hearing. Get married and raise the child. If not then go the other way. No half measures if you are smart as they will kill ya. It is no big deal for her to raise a child here alone. The majority of the women here seem to do so.

Don't you guys realize so many women here want to have babies and have you pay for that baby and NOT have you around to cramp their style for the next 18 years. A common common tale. Why you don't use a condom is freaking beyond my comprehension.

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calor11 says on Jun 22, 2007, 05:46:

forgot love, although you probably "loved" poppin her, so don't even go this direction. However as a stand up guy, you can still show respect like you seem to be doing. Nothing wrong with doing the right thing, but as you know not everyone believes this so don't be surprised for a let down. You didn't mention in your message if you wanted the child or not ? (if it was yours that is)

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kentuckygreg says on Jun 22, 2007, 06:38:

Unfortunately you probably couldn't do a DNA test until after she has the baby. I hear it's a lot more expensive to do a test before childbirth.

Good luck and thank God that science is on your side.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:23:

I met her in San Jose and what not under the impression that she was a 'working girl'. She was with a friend who was working at a store in the Multi Plaza near San Jose. We went out a few times and she showed me around. She is really into salsa dancing and took me to a few local discos that I am sure there were no 'working girls'. Like I said before, she never presented herself as a 'working girl' to me, but I can not rule out that she might have done that from time to time to make money. We used a condom and had a problem. She put lotion all over herself and myself and I think that might have caused it to slip off in the moment. We both knew something might be wrong at that moment. I was under the impression that the 'morning after pill' is not available in Costa Rica? She said that birth control caused many problems with her facial complexion.

I can not change what happened. I am just trying to make the best of the situation. She says she is in Costa Rica because she has more opportunity than she did in Cali? She has a son from another man that is 8. The father from that son now lives in Spain and has nothing to do with her or her child. She says that when she has enough money that she plans to return to Cali and buy the house that her mother and son live in (about $40,000). She then wants to live a more simple and happy life back in Cali with a man that will love and accept both her and her son. I don't think she has any desire to come to the US.

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gringolondinense says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:26:

well Sea... my advise here is take ur own advice. Its really easy for others to comment on what you should or shouldnt do and they are not in your shoes. Its easy to judge others and start moralizing.

Its a bit like those people who say "If I won the lottery I would give it all to charlity, therefore that lottery winner should hand all his cash over".

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Lowell says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:30:

I know a guy who thinks he's helping pay for an ex girlfriends so called baby. Not his (seperated over 9 months before the suposed conception). I saw her in a park a few months before the baby would have been born. No sign of pregnancy. Probably her mothers or brothers baby. What a scam.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:36:

I have no advice to offer but the "birth control pills mess up my facial complexion" is a new one to me. A lot of women have BETTER skin after taking birth control pills and there are a couple of brands marketed expressly for that purpose.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:37:

I keep hearing all this reference to how this must be a scam and true love can not exist between a woman from Col and a man from the US or abroad. I understand that there are stereotypes. I understand the importance to look for red flags. My general thoughts are this:

I would feel even worse if somehow I chose not to help her financially while she is pregnant. By doing so I am only creating further hardship for her and possibly my own child. I can afford giving her $500 a month until the baby is born. There is not a good way to figure out if the baby is mine until it is born. Having a DNA test before it is born can be done but is too dangerous.

Once the child is born I will ask her to have a DNA test to determine if it is mine. If it is my child I will continue to provide as much support as I can.

I can not say where the relationship will go over time. At this point I am not ready to get married. Over time this could very well be the person that I fall in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with.

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:49:

$500 a month. Yep she picked you out and set you up. Anyone that would just hand over $500 beofre a baby is even born is a sucker. Sorry but that is how I see it and I ahve vastly more experience with COlombian women and I would bet women in general than you have. Dude wake up!

"The father from that son now lives in Spain and has nothing to do with her or her child" If this does not tell you something than there is no hope for you. SHe will be taking your money adn living it up at the discos my friend. You think that money is going to the kid? Nope she will live in her mothers house her mother will probably raise the kid and that will be out it goes. She will be buying ehr clothes and her booze and whatever on your $500.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:51:

If at the end of the day a DNA test proves that the child is not mine and I am out the $$$, then at least I can sleep at night knowing that I helped a mother in need.

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kentuckygreg says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:52:

I think $500 a month may be a little steep given that is a lot of money to some people. Not to me but I think she can get by on a lot less. She must have been a heck of a firecracker to ya. :) Any pics?

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:55:

chicomalo, what would be a fair amount to help her out while she is pregnant? Are you saying I should ignore her completely and give her no support? Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel if the child turned out to be yours and you had done nothing for the mother while she was pregnant?

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 07:58:

same questuion to kentuckygreg or others. sorry no pics to share : )

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 22, 2007, 08:06:

Maybe give her half the amount, or $250. That's about equivalent to a minimum wage salary in Colombia plus the transportation subsidy. I haven't raised a child in Colombia (or anywhere) but $250 ought to cover eating for two, vitamins and doctor's visits during the first part of the pregnancy. Of course, if there are complications, the sky is the limit.



If you think it's your baby, or just want to help, maybe you ought to buy her a health insurance plan that covers one-already-in-the-oven. That way you know she's not out blowing the money...

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 22, 2007, 08:16:

Darn! I forgot to put clothes in the budget. Well, you're in luck. Victoria's Secret is having their semi-annual sale right now -- www.victoriassecret.com -- so stock up on some bigger bras and underwear. That takes care of the important stuff. Should she want a new outfit later on, I recommend sweat pants and burlap bags for when she's as big as a barn. ;-)



-Mr. Sensitivity

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 08:51:

sea and btw if you are for real and not jerking our chain...? $500 for what?That is more than double the minimum wage and I ahve friend pregnant right now who is working for half that, another that is pregnant and is not working at all, not married either. A pregnant woman needs what? C'mon now if you want to be a nice guy you can pay HALF of the medical bills.

This is her baby too and that should help you on the road to getting your mind right. As it is now you are trying to be big daddy and in her culture that just means you are a sucker. 1. she will have no respect for you. 2. She will feel obligated to take advantage of you as much as is possible. So pay half the medical bills and that is it. Buy her some vitamins if you want. In her later months you can help a little more if you want and then when the baby is born you pay for the DNA test and find out for sure if you want.

If you want to be a really really nice guy you could pick up the whole medical bill. Beyond that you are a sucker. Sorry to hit it so hard but that is the way these girls see you here. For one I am tired of walking down the street and being associated with these generous save the world, or at least the poor chica, bobo gringos. Don't treat her any different than you would a gringa. Which hopefully is fair and with respect.

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 08:53:

I know severel girls here who collect the money from Daddy and then buy themselves clothes and party all the time while Mom takes care of the baby, child, etc. Buy baby clothes or whatever if you want to but forget giving money. I am sure you even by paying half the medical bills it will end up in her pocket as she will take the bills to someone and they will pay it for her. But at least you can feel good.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:00:

chicomalo, you may be right on with most of your comment. I know it will be hard to truly know what is going on with her being down there and me in the US. As far as how I would treat a gringa in the same situation back here in the US. I would want to care for her exactly the same if I thought the child might me mine. But you are right... I would rather her be a responsible mother of her 8 year old son and the one on the way than passing off responsibility to her mother or others and think she is a rockstar every night at the disco!

She has a sister who is married in lives in the US. She wants me to talk to her. I may try to get a better sense of my situation through the sister?

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:01:

tinto has a good idea with the insurance. In Colombia it is no problem to get insurance with the bun in the oven. Just make sure you pay it direct. I doubt the kid is yours though that is my bet that she saved the bareback experience for her Colombiano.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:15:

I was in Costa Rica for the last week. We spent a lot of time together and talked. I spent most of the time at her apartment in San Jose. I know practicing safe sex protects against unwanted pregnancy and stds... In this case perhaps I made another poor decision. Since she was already pregnant we ended up having sex several times without a condom.

My questions is ?If she were not pregnant, would she have unprotected sex at this point?

It was both her and my assumption that she is pregnant and I am the father. I would think if she were pulling my chain about being pregnant that she would not have allowed unprotected sex during my visit last week?

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Wastelandlive says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:18:

Seakh...

You are SO being taken to the cleaners.

You "can't rule out" that she's a "bar girl?"
She was "selling clothes in Costa Rica?"

Dude... what do you think, she was on the international merchandising exchange program? JC Penny brought her in and got her a work visa in to sell womens wear in Costa Rica?

Why do you think a single mother leaves her child with the grandmother and moves to Costa Rica?

I don't mean to be harsh dude... but seriously, why are so many Americans so clueless about how the world works?

Wasteland

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:20:

What if she were a bar girl? How does that change things?

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:28:

or it could be the baby belongs to a Colombian and she knows she won't get sh%t out of athem so here she comes to big daddy war bucks. ;) They know how your culture is and any pregnant girl here with a choice as to who is going to pay for a baby is going to pick the gringo. You thinking of paying 500 a month.....case in point. It could be yours? But you just never know do you? I would say since you have a doubt then it speaks volumes to who she is and what kind of relationship you ahve with her..

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:30:

I think it will be pretty obvious even without a DNA test if the baby is mine or from a Col. I have a fair Irish complexion, blond hair and blue eyes.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:33:

how much is an abortion in Col? I was under the impression that it can be done but is considered illegal.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:34:

Also, just curious. Is it possible to get birth control and the morning after pill in Col or CR? I know it is not an option with my situation now. Just trying to better educate myself and perhpas my girl if this situation were ever to happen again.

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:36:

What's her visa status? Have you asked her if she can come and go between Colombia and Costa Rica?

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 09:50:

Thats another story. Apparently women from Col who want to be able to stay in CR and come and go between Col end up paying a Tico a few hundred dollars and get papers to be married. She is married to a Tico on paper but has no relationship with him.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:04:

I am not trying to paint a perfect picture here... no reason to lie about anything. I am trying to be as honest and real as I can in hope that I get honest and real feedback.

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kentuckygreg says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:21:

You may want to have her send pictures of herself during the pregnancy and pictures of the ultrasound. Maybe $100 a month to start.

Don't be this guy...

http://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/img/black-baby-white-parents.jpg

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:22:

Pretty funny pic. I have a feeling there will be sure signs when the baby is born if I am the father.

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:30:

The situation as you've described it:



She's in a sham marriage, which constitutes fraud in some countries if the marriage was entered into solely to legitimize her visa status. Her 8-year old son doesn't live with her. Why? There's no mention of her having a job in Costa Rica but she does have an apartment and a dream to save $40,000 USD to buy a home in Cali.



Reading between the lines/lacking complete information, one might guess that she supports herself by working as a prostitute. Sadly, that's not uncommon for some Colombian women in Panama and Costa Rica.



If you're both opposed to abortion, there is no natural miscarriage and you really believe the baby might be yours and want to do the right thing, I'd offer to help with food and medical care/medical insurance until the child is born and you know for sure whether it's yours. If she is, in fact, a part time prostitute, you've got an even tougher situation: 1) Is this the kind of girl you want to bring home to Mom? and 2) Do you want her having sex with all kinds of people (there's always the risk of physical abuse or disease carrying customers) while your child might be developing inside of her?

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:47:

tinto you took the words right out of my mouth. Women from Colombia that go to all the trouble to work in Costa Rica don't wait tables they are prostitutes. Also her asperations are grande and that usually is a way a pro justifies her work. Paying for University, buying family a house, supporting my kid bla bla bla.

Just to clear something up for you. A pro in Colombia is not necessarilly a woman who stands on street corners everynight. Most work it as a weekend job and travel to another city to do the work and then come back home. Maybe only one weekend a month. It is a one or two night a week thing for a lot of them. So is she unreachable for an hour or two a week? ;0)

Really man you just got to use your gut and not your head or your little head when it comes to women and this smells real bad and my gut tells me run like a bastard but who knows what your gut is saying. I know it aint all good or you would ahve never posted.. Hookers need boyfriends too ya know...

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:54:

I have a gut feeling that she isn't pregnant. I would go with your original plan, and visit her in Cali next month - or whenever. If you have the guts, visit "unexpectedly." You will know the whole, true story within 12 hours after arriving in Cali. If she isn't pregnant, there are worse places to be "stuck" on vacation. You know what I mean? You could look at it as a win win situation. If she is pregnant, you already have planned to do what you believe is the right thing to do. If she isn't, it was a scam and you can have a good time in Cali for the rest of your stay.

He who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 22, 2007, 10:55:

He could run like hell, but if the woman has a sister and brother-in-law in the United States and the kid comes out looking like a pint-sized Irish lad or lass, I wouldn't bet against the ability of an enterprising lawyer and a family seeking "what's due" to track him down.

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kentuckygreg says on Jun 22, 2007, 11:41:

GO VISIT HER in a few months. :)

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 22, 2007, 12:03:

I agree with Rubito.....KILL EVERYONE! ...........JIM JONES KOOLAID FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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houstongal says on Jun 22, 2007, 12:41:

Sea...since you were with her last week in Costa Rica, did you watch her take a home pregnancy test and determine that she really is pregnant BEFORE you had unprotected sex with her? If not, then if she wasn't pregnant before it could be quite likely that she is now. Another question...how long after the accident did she tell you she was pregnant?

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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houstongal says on Jun 22, 2007, 12:43:

By the way, I'm with the guys....$500/month seems like a lot of money for a woman who is pregnant. I don't know what she would be spending all that money for during a pregnancy.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:07:

The night that we had the problem was around April 25th. She emailed me on May 14th and said the she was late with her period and had taken a test and was positive.

Once again call me stupid. I did not have her do a test with me while I was recently in Costa Rica. Perhaps it is not fair to assume, but I assumed what she had told me was the truth. I brought her serveral books on being pregnant written in spanish and prenatal vitamins.

I know that she did not want to get pregnant. This only complicates her life further. I would think that if she were not telling the truth about being pregnant that she would have asked that we use a condom on my recent visit (again, perhaps a unfair assumption).

I plan to go to Cali on the 7th of next month for three days. I will make sure she has a test in font of me.

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Wastelandlive says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:28:

Seakh:

You asked me, "What if she were a bar girl? How does that change things?"

And I'd have to say that the answer is up to you. You appear to be in a little bit of willful denial.

She is a PROSTITUTE, dude. How many people have to spell it out for you? If you'd open your eyes to the places you travel, you'd see what's obvious.

Now I've got nothing against prostitutes. But it's not a profession that attracts people of great integrity. Do you think she'd hesitate for a moment to con you, lie to you, steal from you, or intentionally get pregnant if that was part of her plan to move up in the world?

Ak... why do I care? What's amazing is that with the new forum format, everybody is being remarkably nice for a change, and nobody has taken you to task for your extraordinarily selfish and irresponsible behavior.

Your using her. She's very likely using you. Things will no doubt unfold as they should.

Wasteland

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:36:

I am no doctor but I do beleive only a blood test can show up a pregnancy that fast.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:40:

Wastelandlive I appreciate your comments. And perhaps what she does or may do for a living is unclear (or at least it was at the time that I met her). I did not meet her as a prostitue, nor do I think that is why she is in Costa Rica. She has other extended family and friends in Costa Rica and I am sure they are not prostitutes. I can not speak to whether she has ever been a working girl or not. But how am I extraordinarily selfish and irresponsible? I used protection when we first had sex and the condom came off. They only reason I had sex most recent without protection was because I assumed she was already pregnant (I am sorry if this was an unfair assumption). I would not have posted here in the first place if I was not looking for sound advice. My situation at this point is what it is. I am trying to be responsible for what has happened in my attempt to move forward. Thanks for listening!

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houstongal says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:44:

As I said before, you had unprotected sex last week so if she wasn't pregnant she may be now. April 25th to May 14th.... hmmm...I would've demanded a test in person or gone to the doctor with her for a confirmation, but too late for that. By the way the guideline is to take the home pregnancy test 5-10 days after missing your period, that's why I'm still a little skeptical.

So if she really is pregnant and you want to help her out, I agree with the others that buying her medical insurance would be a wise way to spend your $. When you visit her in Cali, why don't you have her schedule an appointment with her OB-GYN during that time so you could go with her? That way you can show you are a concerned father-to-be and further confirm that she is pregnant. And you can establish a relationship with her doctor, perhaps make arrangements to pay him/her directly for services and follow-up with him or her periodically to ensure she is continuing to see the doctor. Until the baby is born, there isn't much else you can do to ensure paternity. Good luck.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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chicomalo says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:50:

good idea houston witht he apt at the OB-GYN but you know I beleive that all he has to do tell her he want's to go with her to the OB-GYN when he get's to Cali to make sure everything is OK. Then listen for her response to that. If it is; "wow thanks a lot you are so sweet..." then good if it is; "oh ummm ummm" then you know you are being scammed. That will save you a trip.

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seakfh says on Jun 22, 2007, 13:51:

Can anyone reccomend a good OB-GYN or clinic in Cali?

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elreydelostrolls says on Jun 23, 2007, 08:05:

Wow, dude, I hope you're getting as much sex as you can handle from her for your $500. She should be giving you a discount.

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slguy says on Jun 24, 2007, 22:01:

This thread just kills me. Are we certain that the OP is not pow wow? ;) I have never met an airline pilot more naive than you, my friend. What- have you been stuck on the Duluth/Cincy run for 20 years?

Ok- you just spent a week with her. You still don't know how she earns a living? She wants to save $40,000 to buy a house - but she's like a Playtex bra (no visible means of support)?

By my count, she learned she was pregnant in a whopping 19 days. Doubtful.

For $500/month- you can bet she'd get knocked up again! She's not raising the first one, is she? This should be your first clue...

If I was a betting man, your friend's a hooker, looking for a meal ticket. Remember, hookers make their living convincing men of whatever the man wants to believe - and it's not difficult to see, even from here, that you are willing to take the bait.

Do yourself a favor. Go to Cali unannounced. Take her to a doc of YOUR choice. Confirm there's somehing going on. If so, and you feel chivalrous- pay the doctor directly for prenatal care. But remember- Pretty Woman was only a movie, OK?

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

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