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Overweight, socially inept, badly dressed gringos

...chasing duplicitous Colombianas, who'll only entertain their company because of the cash in their wallets?

Well, they might exist. But I'm not so sure I've ever met one. All the gringos I've met who either live in Colombia or have a Colombian wife have been rather lean, capable types with good work habits and something to say.

And it's quite apparent that their women are with them because they're attractive, well-rounded human beings who have made a success of their lives. Rather than being, say, feckless mummy's boys who think that manhood is a question of paying someone else to do their fighting for them over some piffling slight.

This mythical 'fat-boy-in-sandals' figure strikes me as being a comedic stock-in-trade, wheeled out from time to time by the kind of churlish mockers who think a studied juvenile cynicism and a faux-street demeanour reflect well on them.

So enjoy your Sunday. You handsome devils you...

By kalder on Oct 25, 2009, 02:58 in Friendly Talkzone.


johnny2009 says on Oct 25, 2009, 03:00:

I found this in Lima 2 weeks ago

Photobucket

3 funny, 0 helpful.

kalder says on Oct 25, 2009, 03:02:

See? Not a Colombiana in sight.

"A piece of cheese may entrap a mouse, but a bicycle could ensnare the Imperial Chancellor."~~An Bai Kuang

2 funny, 1 helpful.

johnny2009 says on Oct 25, 2009, 03:10:

Yes needless to say Lima isn't in Colombia. The only old portly dudes I have seen in Bogotá with young dashing females have all been Colombian men. Never been to Medellín though so I don't know what you see walking around there

2 funny, 0 helpful.

whitewidow says on Oct 25, 2009, 07:07:

who you callin churlish?

I'm no doper! I just play one on TV.

0 funny, 1 helpful.

Miguel_Clavo says on Oct 25, 2009, 08:06:

I see way more fat obese Colombians wearing shorts and sandals than similar gringos living here. In fact, the great majority of colombians i see on a daily basis in Cartagena are overweight, and NOT by a few pounds either. So much for stupid stereotypes and generalizations. Maybe our resident Colombian expert Darpoop can offer his opinion here.

RVW orderded me to remove my tagline congratulating the PBH Mods New Golden Boys. Lame.

2 funny, 3 helpful.

Haghj00 says on Oct 25, 2009, 08:18:

That picture is great. Why? Well, you can see the foreigner having tshirt and shorts and he isnt cold. However, in the background you can see the locals wearing long sleeves shirts and so on. What does that tell you? People deal with temprature differently. And you should adjust your aspect from that point of view.

However, being fat is never good. But who are you to judge? Post a picture of yourself and im sure we can make a few pointers :)

There is no god, never was and never will be.

1 funny, 1 helpful.

theflatline says on Oct 25, 2009, 09:15:

The only time I ever see the fat gringos talking about Colombianas is usually in the waiting area of El Dorado leaving Bogota.

Legaleez for Complete Morons - A book for gringos in Colombia for who think they understand the nature of the law in a country where they cannot speak the language.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

davidslc46 says on Oct 25, 2009, 09:18:

This mythical 'fat-boy-in-sandals' figure strikes me as being a comedic stock-in-trade, wheeled out from time to time by the kind of churlish mockers who think a studied juvenile cynicism and a faux-street demeanour reflect well on them.

I thought translating spanish was hard?

David

2 funny, 1 helpful.

Saltador says on Oct 25, 2009, 09:20:

Yep. Just an old tired stereotype, based on not much reality. Yawn.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

theflatline says on Oct 25, 2009, 09:21:

David,

The ones I see running around town are not usually fat, but do wear tshirts and sandals. Which in Manizales is not something you would normally see,

Legaleez for Complete Morons - A book for gringos in Colombia for who think they understand the nature of the law in a country where they cannot speak the language.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

davidslc46 says on Oct 25, 2009, 09:29:

Thanks theflatline,

Seriously none of these stereotypes fly much beyond park lleras as far as I can see. There are alot of attractive people in Colombia who do shorts of one type or another and sandels.

David

1 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte7 says on Oct 25, 2009, 09:40:

so what's so bad looking about the chaps in lima? huh? duh.

if we're all as mindful of ourselves and our manner (isms) there's no time to take stock of the world around us and what they're wearing. or....it's nothing of importance. the common eye can see about themselves--hopefully--but makes no never mind of such issues if they're at peace within themselves.

thanks for the post, kalder.

patriarch

1 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on Oct 25, 2009, 12:01:

I doubt you would ever mistake my paisa brother-in-law for a gringo even though he wears shorts and sandals all the time.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 1 helpful.

tropicalshirt says on Oct 25, 2009, 12:19:

kalder,

"...who think that manhood is a question of paying someone else to do their fighting for them..."

I am interested to know how common is this in Colombian culture?

1 funny, 0 helpful.

tropicalshirt says on Oct 25, 2009, 12:52:

Bill,

Excuse me, and not to be specific, but how and why did you, or others, get so fat?

Where are peoples brains when it comes to this? Or people like to be big and fat? I think this is sometimes really the case. Fok, everyone likes to drive round in a stupid bigger and bigger tank like car like the BMW X7 etc nowadays. People feel more powerful as a big fat lump and put it over their health until they are ill. But I'm sick of fatties. One sat next to me on a flight from NY to Miami. He was huge. Over 20, probably 25, plus stones. I asked to be moved. I was ignored. So I stood up and wouldn't sit down and then they moved me. Your seeing more and more overweight people in lots of countries. I would say the only place I've seen very few fat people is Cuba. The answer from that is eat less or less often. I had sancocho de galinha followed by sancocho de bangre in deli lunch in Medellin. Very good, and the manager was so impressed he came out and told me how healthy it was! And it was.

1 funny, 1 helpful.

SiV says on Oct 25, 2009, 13:01:

tropicalshirt to kalder,
"...who think that manhood is a question of paying someone else to do their fighting for them..."
I am interested to know how common is this in Colombian culture?

I think this is how where most Colombian sicarios earn their wage from, isn't it?

Stultórum númere infinitum est.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

tropicalshirt says on Oct 25, 2009, 13:04:

Thanks SiV.

But you mean killing not fighting right? Sicarios don't do both???

1 funny, 0 helpful.

theflatline says on Oct 25, 2009, 13:27:

Tropical shirt,

Except for that manteca they used in cooking it. Nothing healthier than lard, eh?

Colombian food might appear to be simple and healthy but they cook with a lot of saturated fat.


SIV,


In the US when I was coming up, if men or boys had words, you usually had a fight, and at the end the winner usually picked the loser of the ground and they went had a couple of beers, and the matter was settled and they became friends. Because everyone needs a good ass whupping in life to teach them a bit humility.

In Colombia instead of manning up they traditionally show up with a gang of friends and beat someone down, or hire a killer.

Legaleez for Complete Morons - A book for gringos in Colombia for who think they understand the nature of the law in a country where they cannot speak the language.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

span_colombia says on Oct 25, 2009, 13:35:

does this qualify for another pbh myth exposed stautus?

1 funny, 0 helpful.

Woodde says on Oct 25, 2009, 14:06:

theflatline says on Oct 25, 2009, 13:27 (today): flag
In the US when I was coming up, if men or boys had words, you usually had a fight, and at the end the winner usually picked the loser of the ground and they went had a couple of beers, and the matter was settled and they became friends. Because everyone needs a good ass whupping in life to teach them a bit humility.
-------------------------------

It was even like that when I was a youngster, ten years ago. Today, not so much. I have many good friends that I would have never known well had we not beat the crap out of each other and then laughed about it. The direction US society is headed in is a bit scary.

4/9/09

2 funny, 1 helpful.

RAAAY says on Oct 25, 2009, 15:38:

I've only read the title of this post, nothing else........

" Overweight, socially inept, badly dressed gringos. "

Save me the trouble of reading it..........is this another fookin post about me ?

.

.........Its useless to argue with ignorance

0 funny, 1 helpful.

manINred says on Oct 25, 2009, 16:06:

Kalder, the negative aspects of what you described was my first experience with a gringo in Colombia. He was fat, bald, obnoxious, and frankly I can think of no redeeming qualities that he held.

I was sitting at a place in Cali, when he overheard something I said in English. He came up to me and said "you american?" and after replying "no" he proceeded to tell me about how the women in Colombia were easy and all over him, how the drugs were cheap and awesome, etc.... He was a beligerant sex-tourist who painted Colombia as some sort of puteria drughouse.

He said this as he dribbled spit down his chin.

I was repulsed, ignored him, and ever since then I have had a stereotype of the fat gringo sex-tourist, a reason I try and avoid non-Colombian contact in Colombia. And other than that instance in Cali and a couple of hostels I stayed at, I've not come across a foreigner, fat and inept or otherwise.

Mind you, you're probably correct; but different experiences form different viewpoints.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

tropicalshirt says on Oct 25, 2009, 16:48:

flatline,

I know what you mean but there is a much worse thing in Colombian food: its the hydrogenated fat. I think is worse than saturated fat, which is bad as well. Butter etc is no good if you eat too much, but hydrogenated fat is total crap and is now banned in some countries it is so bad. It is the hard fat that clogs your arteries.

Where will you find hydrogenated fat in Colombia? Unfortunately I think it is in many things, in many places, as its cheap and you can't see the ingredieants. You go in the Panderia, probably everything is full of it hard hyrogenated fats. You eat those arepas they deep fry in Colombia, what is that in? Everyones hitting them coming home from work, its easier to digest a stone than those things.

If you want to be healthy, eat less and eat plants. But I reckon you and me flatline are experts on this. And I'll see you for a kebab some time.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte7 says on Oct 25, 2009, 17:15:

hmmmmm....."eat less and eat plants.............................and i'll see you for kebab sometime" did i miss something there?

patriarch

1 funny, 0 helpful.

cstew47 says on Oct 25, 2009, 17:23:

I live in Antioquia and my feelings about the food after 17 years is that it is generally greasy and tasteless. (Sorry Monpirri). I qualify this by saying that I live in Antioquia and the food is somewhat typical for the area. Other locales may be better. As an ardent "gym rat" and health nut, I find it difficult to find food that is reasonably healthy and certainly not tasteful. I'm really surprised that there aren't more obese Colombians. Maybe there is a "Colombian Paradox" as is reputed to exist in France.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

Haddeman says on Oct 25, 2009, 17:39:

The badly dressed gringo thing,although it exists,is surely overplayed.
I must add through that Colombians are not exactly the epitome of sartorial elegance.I accept in Bogota people dress better but the rest of country is a disaster.For all it´s hyperbole about Colombia moda and capital of fashion in Medellin the men are generally sloppy and scruffy whilst the women,my wife excepted because she has learnt that sometimes less is more, all look like off duty hookers.When will women realise that showing your tits and arse in tight clothing is simply not sexy,we men know they are there,a little more decorum please ladies!.

1 funny, 0 helpful.

lpdiver says on Oct 25, 2009, 18:08:

cstew...I believe a lot of the body build has to do with elevation in general. The higher altitude having less oxygen. Oxygen is a key element in the stimulation of apetite. Thus you will find a higher BMI at the lower elevations near the coast.

Of course there are exceptions to all general rules. I know I lose weight rapidly in Medellin and Bogota (I reside at sea level in the U.S.)

ts

Remember what the monkey says, "Fuck money it's free"

1 funny, 0 helpful.

cstew47 says on Oct 25, 2009, 18:27:

lp, that's an interesting concept that I hadn't heard before. However, that doesn't alter the fact that the food is extremely fatty and lacking in taste. I believe that does more to diminish my appetite than anything else. I still remain amazed that, given the fatty nature of the food, there aren't more obese Colombians. I am convinced that there is a genetic factor in play.

1 funny, 1 helpful.

lpdiver says on Oct 25, 2009, 19:33:

Well as a coonass from down the bayou the cooking is nearly identical to what I find at home; with one critical difference...seasoning!

I think enviromental (altitude), lack of sedentary lifestyle, and monetary factors are the main elements. I know I typically lose about ten percent of my body weight on a months stay in Medellin or Bogota.

As for genetics...you get into the more affluent areas and the gordos abound.

ts

Remember what the monkey says, "Fuck money it's free"

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on Oct 25, 2009, 20:04:

"Why is the guy in the photo gringo? He could easily be Canadian."

Canadians are as gringo as they come.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Buongone says on Oct 26, 2009, 00:35:

Look at the picture again. The boys in the background have long sleeve shirts. The 3-4 men have short sleeves. So who cares? They have a shirt on.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

cstew47 says on Oct 26, 2009, 03:38:

Lp. you have to be putting me on. The food in Nawlins is the same as Colombia? What I wouldn't give for an etoufee or some crawfish here. Fortunately I have a good recipe for gumbo and I brought my own file, because I know it would be impossible to find it here. I love the food in your neck of the woods.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

El Expatriado says on Oct 26, 2009, 04:56:

So , are you taking up the Banner where Elmo left off, or what?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

CharlieTheOwl says on Oct 26, 2009, 05:36:

Those types of gringos usually congregate in certain areas. Theres a bar in Cartagena where you will find a lot of those types. The old fat gringos can be very social. Its the younger better looking gringos that are socially inept. Pick your poison.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

tropicalshirt says on Oct 26, 2009, 05:48:

...a pair of mangos every day.

Fokkin paradise!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Paisa/Calena/Luver says on Oct 26, 2009, 09:14:

Ahhh, he definitely looks foreign like he just got off a cruise ship.

"PAY ATTENTION! I wonder if that person knows that when we push the FUNNY button, its because we are reading something outrageous, trying to be cynical, derogatory, sarcastic and/or obnoxious!"

0 funny, 0 helpful.

capt_j says on Oct 26, 2009, 18:12:

I really can't recall seeing a fat gringo in Colombia, a number of muscleheads though.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Robert Jorge says on Oct 26, 2009, 20:47:

I saw a couple in CTG, but they were probably Euro. The shoes and manorisms give it away.

Oh, and Clavo. He is easily spotted at 5'4", 275lbs, wearing pink compression shorts under cut-off Wranglers and leather vest.

"You can not take the barrio out of the girl you really can't." Oneforamillion

0 funny, 0 helpful.

christobeldawg says on Oct 26, 2009, 20:56:

Elmo, tickets to the World Series, and on a toilet cleaning salary? Something doesn't match up, but anyway, have fun. I am thinking the Yanks in 6, or 7, definitely not in 8.

traveling hopefully is always better than arriving

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Robert Jorge says on Oct 26, 2009, 20:57:

He kept trying to get me to go to some disco called La Caja de Herramientas.

"You can not take the barrio out of the girl you really can't." Oneforamillion

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Miguel_Clavo says on Oct 26, 2009, 20:59:

but that 5'4 275 is all muscle baby...just ask my drinking bud Sergio Fajardo.....

RVW orderded me to remove my tagline congratulating the PBH Mods New Golden Boys. Lame.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Robert Jorge says on Oct 26, 2009, 21:12:

Hey, he wanted to go to Mr B's. You kept on insisting on going to The Toolbox, so me and Sergio went without you. Were you that drunk?

"You can not take the barrio out of the girl you really can't." Oneforamillion

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Miguel_Clavo says on Oct 26, 2009, 21:30:

In medellin? you smokin crack again? i told you that shit will kill ya....

RVW orderded me to remove my tagline congratulating the PBH Mods New Golden Boys. Lame.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

La_Huella says on Oct 26, 2009, 21:53:

If you want to see fat ignorant badly dressed gringos there's no lack of them in North America :P

0 funny, 0 helpful.

tropicalshirt says on Oct 27, 2009, 01:40:

"you think so??? chittttt jajajajaja"

There were many days when all I had was a battered sausage cut three ways with my brethen.

You ever had 1/3 of a battered sausage???

0 funny, 0 helpful.

goin_south says on Oct 27, 2009, 02:55:

I dress badly (?) (blue jeans/t'shirts/worn-out hush puppies...shshshshshhhhh....!) on purpose, most of the time when in Colombia.
rub dirt on my face in the morning, on top of that natural tan lotion, dark brown grecian formula.....

what's the deal, kalder?

do you dress in Three Piece Suites in Colombia?
The ladies I run with always say: dress down!
Actually, they jus rip my clothes off, so what's the use of dressing up?

nothin I say is to be takn for my words, but rather for the words of Sailor Jerry.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte7 says on Oct 27, 2009, 04:02:

so, southbound, you puttin on that 'man-tan' again, eh. well the 'fey' dudes have it over the brothers, in that come winter, they don't have to put on 'spade fade'.

patriarch

0 funny, 0 helpful.

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