OK, now what if she wants more time?

utopiacowboy says on Dec 26, 2005, 11:10:

Once approved, your I-129F petition is valid for six months. The consular officer has the authority to extend its validity if you make a request. Yes, you can always apply again. At this point I would question seriously her comittment to you. A wife must put her husband first.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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rocinante says on Dec 26, 2005, 12:43:

put hubby 1st = true love Jojo – this relationship is taking place in Colombia or not at all. What, exactly is going to change in a month or two? Are you going to talk her into changing her feelings? Also there was a guy in my town sending money every month before he got engaged – his girlfriend, although she loved him, counted on the money - which perhaps assisted in helping her feelings while going through with all of the paperwork and stuff. I don’t know the exact situation but uh… now that push is coming to shove she is not wanting to leave as well and she has kids!

UC: I agree - I question her commitment with him vs. the commitment to her family and her country. But why ”A wife must put her husband first”?

Maybe he should put his wife first and consider how she feels in all of this. Maybe the way for this relationship to work is for the two of them to live in Colombia.

Why is it always that the woman needs to be obedient and move to the US? Because the guy's got the bucks? Where’s the love in that equation?

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Not that the US president actually runs the US." Feb 5, 2008

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jediknight says on Dec 26, 2005, 15:01:

need more information jojo,as far as the paperwork is concerned, cowboy knows more about this than i do but what are you going to do with your prometida? i'm engaged to a barranquillera so i know how life and family are in la costa. there are SO MANY reasons why she and/or her parents might have second thoughts. is she too young?too attached and dependent on her family? is there a language barrier between you that makes it difficult to understand each other? she lives in a tropical climate, do you live in a cold region of the US that might turn her off to moving here?is she afraid to live here where she'll have no one? how much time have you known her and spent with her in colombia? if you met her through an agency she should have been prepared to move here, if she is not ready she should not have accepted your proposal. bottom line is that both of your desires should be taken into consideration, there should be a balance and as much give and take as possible but in the end a wife's place is with her husband.there can only be one decision maker, not two and you are the one. you should listen to her, see if her fears make sense and try to address them but the final decision is yours, if she wants to be with you on your terms then great, if she is going to be complicada, rethink your choice. the woman you marry should not make your life more complicated, she should want to help you so if she isn't ready for that, then move on to the next one. your fiance/wife should be someone ready, eager to be with you, to move here, understanding that there will be changes in her lifestyle, some good, others a bit different to what she is used to but the most important thing is being by your side.

for rocinante, i did find that Colombian woman: heart of gold, family oriented, very traditional Colombian in her ways, under 30,loving, no kids, in great shape, bakes a mean almojabana, loyal etc... we will be getting married and she will leave her country for this gringo. we've spoken about it, she is fully aware of the changes she will be going through but she knows that.. una mujer tiene que estar al lado de su esposo, no matter what. we'll be traveling to colombia every year so that she can be with her family but she will make the US her new home and although she is nervous, she has told me what is important is to be my side.JK

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 26, 2005, 15:15:

I would say, Rocinante, that a wife must place her husband first and a husband must place his wife first. Only the two of them can decide where best to live in their circumstances and I don't think it should be automatically the US or where ever he lives. In some circumstances, yes, living in Colombia may be best. One of the common notions of PBH is the families in the US are not close and Colombian families are so much closer. I disagree with this. I see many instances in Colombia of family dysfunction and I wonder why everyone portrays Colombia as almost a 1950s "Leave it to Beaver" world. It's never seemed that way to me. In small town South Texas where we live, families are everything to most people and I defy anyone to show that family life here is not as close as what I observe in Colombia. My wife says this is one of the most common misperceptions Colombians have about the US.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Principe says on Dec 26, 2005, 17:38:

I'm not going to get into a lot of details... but your relationship is over.. If she wants another year, she's never coming. It could be her, it could be her family... but there is a reason she's not committing. Just my advice and I would move on. I had a novia for over 2 years and I can tell you the first 15 months was paradise. The last 9 months.. pretty rocky. How did it end? She just decided to skip town, fropm where she lives b/c she just couldnt handel the pressure from her family anymore... and unfortuantley that puts me on the raw end of the deal as she just ran way from everyone. She's from a very dysfunctional family and when life gets overwhelming I guess this is what happens.. it hurts.. but it's better than marrying and then have it happen. My point.. I don't know your situation, but love is love... I can't even imagine a Colombiana say lets wait. In our case it was me saying..let's wait.. even though we were engaged... and then in the end when she stopped communicating I cant tell you the pain. From what I've seen.. Colombianas are very anxious... in fact, after 2 months her family was asking when's the wedding. Just my advice, but I'd read the writing on the wall... but of course if it doesn't cause you any emotional or financial stress over the next year.. maybe it will work out. Me though.. I'm still looking for the perfect princesa.

I too believe a man needs to put his wife first and a wife needs to put his husband first.. but I have to agree with Rociante... this is not the norm for a large portion of Colombianas. If she has to choose between listening to you or her family/friends/even new acquaiintances taht she met yesterday... you will lose. She won't tell you directly.. but she relates to them so much because they are her culture and they comprehend things in the same manner. I'm telling you 2 years... and if someone she meets on the street corner gives her advice that she likes more than my advice... I lose.

From what I've read.. it's over. I fought fought and fought for this girl and she had a zillion problems and no one ever helped her in her life. She could have had a paradise with me... and she knows it... but my educated advice on numerous subjects was just too far out of her comfort zone, and her family's as well, for her or them to comprehend. I'm not going to bash their education... but in the end the fianalizing doom in my relationship was all about education and culture. Moreso, education though.

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Gator says on Dec 26, 2005, 18:24:

What Happens When That Year is UP?????? You are geting some good advice-read and read, but, IMHO, the red flags are flying.

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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Lorenzo de Australia says on Dec 26, 2005, 19:40:

dos pesos. a collection of 2cents, a chica argentina once told me of her long distance relationship... she said the guy always has to go to the woman... especially for latinas.

dunno if she was wrong or right...

other rhetorical view is... what would you regret more?
1. not earning that much?
or
2. losing this special girl?

always a tough decision.

have a happy new year all!


****** ******
"...don't let life get in the way of living..."
Lorenzo 2004

Also, if you want to email me directly... as I'm not always that good with forums... email me at lorrytrippin2 at yahoo.com

****** ******

****** ****** "...don't let life get in the way of living..." Lorenzo 2004 Also, if you want to email me directly... as I'm not always that good with forums... email me at lorrytrippin2@yahoo.com ****** ******

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Wastelandlive says on Dec 27, 2005, 04:13:

Such is life... It's amazing the problems we create for ourselves in romantic relationships. This young lady has a simple choice. She can be with you - and live the dream - or not.

The, "let's wait and see?" Sure. Don't get into brinkmanship. Don't be dramatic. Don't give her ultimatums. Tell her that it's fine, she can stay. Tell her you'll visit, if you're so inclined. But the commitment and monogomous relationship ends when the ticket is left sitting on the table. You tell her that you're going to date, and do as you please, including sexual relationships, and she's free to do the same. If things change... so be it.

And when you say it, MEAN it. Hear me: you NEVER surrender you independence, your freedom, your power, your masculinity for some insubstantial waif of a promise. Never.

She's got a lot more to lose than you, trust me. You're asking alot; but then you've already given, and are offering alot. She needs to make some choices... and learn that sometimes no choice is also a choice.

Wasteland

Wasteland

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Gator says on Dec 27, 2005, 07:14:

Very Sage Advice And.... worth committing to memory. One hundred percent correct. However, I personally have never had the problems GIB speaks of in his #3.(However, since we (GIB) both live in Colombia might make a difference.) My brother-in-law, a retired army one star, does refer to me as "gringo" or "El gringo," but always with a smile.

"I have been living here for some time as a gringo. Things are what they are here and you are not going to change them so you have to live by the (their) rules."

Truer words were never spoken. As Dorthy said to Toto, "Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore."

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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jojo283 says on Dec 27, 2005, 09:27:

I will take all this in consideration There are a lot of things to figure out. Yes she is young, she turned 20 a few days after I met her. We did meet at a dating agency. I guess when she joined she figured a chance of meeting Mr Right was just as good as winning the mega lotto. She she would have all the time in the world to prepare. I'm going down for my 3rd visit in February. I hope seeing me again may change her mind and I can have her here sooner. Like principe said, this could be a bad sign and it maybe over. But I'm hoping things will change when I visit in a couple months, my visa says it will expire Feb 24. I maybe able to have her fill out pac 3 by Feb 20th:)

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Crazy4Cali says on Dec 27, 2005, 10:16:

Just my view from the cheap seats.... My money is with "wastelandlive" and GIB. If she is going "want you" and then be "not sure" and then claim "my family says..." you're signing up for a life of being jerked around by her insecurity and indecisiveness. Nothing you do will ever be right. She will never be happy, as there'll always be some doubt about something. You'll try to keep pleasing her and make her happy (an endless and fruitless task). It'll get to the point where you'll be exhausted from this one-way emotional drain and ANYONE will look better and lower maintenance and that's when the real trouble will start.

Colombia has 48 million people and more than half of them are women. Bottom line, there are PLENTY of others who WILL want to be with you and WILL want to live with you, so it seems silly (i.e. stupid) to waste your time with someone who isn't sure.

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Miguel says on Dec 27, 2005, 10:44:

jojo PUNT!

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landcruiser77 says on Dec 27, 2005, 10:59:

long distance relationship yummmyy,be aware of her best friend male,in colombia always easy to find a good friend

£æ

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 27, 2005, 11:16:

You're right. She may be having a problem leaving her novio in Colombia.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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imanomolous says on Dec 27, 2005, 11:28:

you are getting good advice... i hope you are listening. my wife(boyaca) has 9 brothers and sisters, 3 children and two parents. i'm not even close to being in the top ten on her list. part of our problems are cultural and part are communication. all that on top of the normal problems that all married people deal with. (plus, i think she might be loco.)
i can't speak to all colombian women but in my personal experience i can back up everything gringo said. my wife is emotional, impulsive and checks with her family before going to the restroom. if she weren't such a good woman she wouldn't be worth the trouble. you have your heart set on her; i hope she proves worth it as well. as for moving to colombia... i would like try it out but what would i do? i don't speak spanish and wouldn't get much of a job. stay home!

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 27, 2005, 11:39:

You guys amaze me. If you are not #1 with your chica, kick her ass hard to the curb. She should worship the ground you walk on.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Crazy4Cali says on Dec 27, 2005, 12:23:

yup Of course it should go both ways. She should worship the ground you walk on and you should worship the ground she walks on. Anything less is a good reason to keep looking.

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MrOutis says on Dec 27, 2005, 12:42:

a riddle, itz.... ...if you're both worshiping the ground, where is the relationship going?

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Crazy4Cali says on Dec 27, 2005, 14:36:

where should they be going? That sounds so "chick" as in very few guys ever claim:

"This relationship just isn't going anywhere..." (translation: why aren't we married, yet?")

Then when you DO get married, where do you go?

I'd rather it went around in circles worshiping each other then right over a cliff where both pick themselves up just to do it again.

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 27, 2005, 15:41:

Crazy4Cali, por supuesto, Senor!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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jojo283 says on Dec 27, 2005, 18:12:

I hope she is faithful At least she tells me I'm the only one. She more worried about me fooling around on her. Go figure, when she does not want to be with me now... Anyway I already booked a flight for Feb 16 and will spend 10 wonderful days with her. If I can not convince her to finish the pac 3, then I may have to consider and move on. It is hard when you invested so much time and money in a relationship like these. If I could go back in time, I would tell my best friend to goto hell and stayed home instead of taking his advice and finding love abroad.

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Principe says on Dec 27, 2005, 20:00:

yikes My ex novia drove me freaking crazy with her worries about me cheating on her... 24 hrs a day when I was in Colombia.. I couldn't even look at anyone else without getting a galre from her... I would alwasy tell her why even worry.. she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen... then when back in the US.. It seemed like it was a constant.. you must have a gf in the US etc.... to make a long story short, our relionship is over because of her Infidelity and some other reasons. My point.. maybe the ones that are worried about you cheating on them are actually the ones that are apt to be cheating themselves or considering it?

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 27, 2005, 21:22:

Very good point.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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jediknight says on Dec 27, 2005, 23:11:

age difference jojo, a twenty year old colombiana is still a child. i don't know how old you are but you are asking for trouble by getting married to a such a young woman and i'll bet that she still lives at home and has no idea of what being independent is. no offense but i've seen your pictures and you look more like her dad and by that i only mean that she is not ready or mature enough to be with a much older man in a new country, no way. in my case there is a 10 year age difference between my fiance and me but she has lived on her own in medellin, away from her family. although she is close to her family and may seek advice from them, she is independent when it comes to making decisions about her life, both her parents have taught her to make decisions on her own. you cannot pressure your girlfriend into being with you, she is either ready or not. consider yourself very lucky if you get to back out of this one, not many guys have had this luxury and you'll be saving yourself a huge headache. it's not the end of the world, look for someone older, late 20's early 30's, mature,someone who knows what she wants and is ready to be with you here in the states.

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adrimm (☼Travelguide writer) says on Dec 27, 2005, 23:54:

Gator says on Dec 28, 2005, 06:04:

Senors.... you have given much excellent advice over the past day. It's time to leave jojo283 to his fate.

¡Por favor, tenga en cuenta lo que hemos he dicho!

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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jediknight says on Dec 28, 2005, 06:06:

many times its not possible there are some older guys here that could live over there because they are retired or have their own business and can leave for a period of time but others cannot do that. many going through this process are not retired or cannot afford to take a year off to be there. an agency girl knows that by being in an agency she is there to meet a foreigner and that more than likely she will have to leave colombia, if she isn't ready for that then she should be up front from the beginning. that conversation about leaving her family should be discussed from the beginning so i don't think its unreasonable to expect a woman to leave everything she knows. this process is not for everyone, both need to be strong, patient and optimistic otherwise it'll be over quickly. if a woman finds a guy that can live in colombia and is willing to do so, thats great but the majority will want to come back so the women need to grow up and accept it.
JK

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jojo283 says on Dec 28, 2005, 09:54:

Good point JK Yes I am 10 ten years older. I knew she was young, but I wanted a girl who, can I say has not been around the block if you know what I mean. I know in this day in age girls start sleeping with guys at 12. But she seem to be upfront when she told me she only had one boyfriend when she was 17 or 18. He was her first so no big deal. He left her once he got what he wanted. She was hurt very much and took a long time to really open up to me. I guess she thinks American guys arent like that. She is lucky to know me because I don't believe in cheating. I had that done to me WAY TOO many times so I know how it feels. And yes she still lives at home. I know they want to protect her only to make sure that this is what we both want. Dating for less than a year maybe to soon to figure out what we both are willing to give up. Her life in Colombia, and me, well maybe my independants. I'm willing to give that up for her. But we'll see, maybe we drove into this way too fast. Better make sure our heads are in the right place.
I do thank you all for your help and advice... Mostly to leave and move on. Though I will not take that advice for now, however I will see after I make my next visit in February.

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jojo283 says on Dec 28, 2005, 09:57:

By the way JK Do I really look that old? When I first met Eileen she thought I was 24. Or maybe compare next to her I guess? ;)

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utopiacowboy says on Dec 28, 2005, 10:49:

Nah, JoJo, you look pretty good, dude. I would have thought you were her older brother.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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silviat says on Dec 28, 2005, 12:38:

ay guys you are always generalizing.

Ni me extra;a!

Isn't there a posibility that the girl was previously cheated on? Thats a pretty good reason to be "desconfiada", of course eventually you have to get over it or you will end up screwing every relationship. Other posible reason is low self-steem

And another big posibility (and my personal situation) is a cheater father.

My dad cheated on my mom when I was 1 year old. So as you can imagine my concept of man or marriage wasn't very good. Plus I remember since I was a kid my mother always told me: "sweety you have to finish a degree and be a successful and responsable worker, because that's what saved us from having a bad life when your dad left. So if your husband leaves then you don't have to go through bad situations."

So when Seth and I got engaged I was happy, but I had in my mind very strongly that he could eventually just leave me for someone else when the love was over.

It took us a lot of work and hours of conversations and tears, so we could finally get that set of mind out of my head.

My intention with writting this and telling you this thing very personal about my life is to remark that if a women (or man) is jealous, it doesnt necesarily mean he/she is having an "amigo/a".

There's many other reasons why a person can be insecure about a relationship.

Saludos y felices fiestas

Silvia

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silviat says on Dec 28, 2005, 13:09:

you are right but in some of this long distance relationships where the couple has spend so little time together, it may happen that the 2 people involved know so little about each other that the lack of knowledge about their partner's background can become a reason for not trusting

Now, I can't really understand how you can marry someone you don't trust, when I have come to believe that trusting is one of the foundations of love (of course I know that not every marriage is based in love).

So in conclusion... both of our arguments are true in some cases.

PS (I want to clear that I don't think all long distance relationships have lack of trust, knowledge, or love, I know personally many couples in this situation whose relationship is so estable and complete, and whose love is strong and autentic that they have gained my admiration)

Is admiration correct in that context?

Silvia

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Wastelandlive says on Dec 28, 2005, 13:51:

All I can say is... I'm in love with Sylvia just from looking at her pictures.

But Jojo... I learned not to take advice from women ON women a long, long time ago. Nobody will fuck you up more on how to treat a woman then your own mother and sister.

"Be kind, be sensitive, be patient."

Ya, be a doormat. Chicks dig that.

Sylvia is also giving you half the story. Could your babe have been cheated on? OF COURSE. She's probably done a little cheating herself by now. You're not dealing with a West Point Cadet here.

For crying outloud: "I know we met on an internet dating site, but really - I've only had sex with one other guy, and he betrayed me... I'm wounded. That's why I won't give it up until you convince me that you're going to marry me. Of course, I might get scared then, and change my mind..."

I'm SO glad my 20's are well behind me.

Jojo - she is a CHILD. No doubt a well meaning child... but you're expecting WAY to much my friend. Manipulating and using people is what children do... that's how they survive. It takes a lot of growing up before any of us understand that love is GIVE and TAKE and other adults won't settle for half that deal like our own parents did.

At her age she's practicing... let her practice on her peers.

Get out and date a little more. What's a good looking 30 year old guy doing meeting Colombianas on an internet dating site? How much time have you spent in each other's PHYSICAL presence? Geeze...

Wasteland

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silviat says on Dec 28, 2005, 14:49:

wasteland I am not trying to deffend or attack this specific girl, or tell jojo a half of the story or the whole story... I am not trying to advice anyone through the posts of this thread. I already told him what I think of the situation through personal communication. I don't do it here, just because if it was me I wouldn't discuss this kind of situations in here.

My intention is more to discuss with gib and some other posters because I thought they were generalizing, and I wanted to state how I just don't buy that every person who has problems trusting it's necesarily a cheater. But it would be inocent from me to try to affirm the opposite.

In my opinion it's just like everything with humans, some people with trust problems do cheat and some not. And while I don't see actual statistics that prove it (instead of assumptions), I won't make estatements about which of them are the majority.

And about this:---- "But Jojo... I learned not to take advice from women ON women a long, long time ago. Nobody will fuck you up more on how to treat a woman then your own mother and sister.

"Be kind, be sensitive, be patient."

Ya, be a doormat. Chicks dig that."

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jojo283 says on Dec 28, 2005, 15:44:

Thanks for the nice compliment wasteland. I ask myself what in the world am I doing searching for long distance relationships. It is my choice along with a lot of others who do the same. Call it low self esteem or whatever. Down there I'm very good looking to the latin ladies.... At least to the ones I met;) As far as spending time with her, altogether about a month this year. Not long I know.
And Silvia, you are the sweetest person I ever met. Though we only spoke once on the phone, I do hope we all meet sometime soon. I'm so sorry if we all offended you in any way. I can understand some of the points made here on this string. I really appreciate everything that was said here negative or otherwise. But this will be my own mistake if I venture more into this relationship and it goes south. I can only hope it will get better. I know I can never come between her family, I can only hope to be a part of it.
Silvia--Happy Holidays and I will talk to you soon.

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Crazy4Cali says on Dec 28, 2005, 15:58:

Bits and pieces... All of the opinions and perspectives have some validity and applicability. What percentage of each applies in JoJo's case is something that only he can figure out.

I will say that being involved with someone with low or no self-esteem sucks.

It sucks the very life out of you.

These people are great to be friends or casual lovers with because they LOVE (in fact they NEED) to please. But if you are in a relationship with one of them, you are now in charge of maintaining their self-esteem since they haven't managed to figure out how to maintain their own. And they are a black-hole in terms of their ability to suck this out of you. Initially, it's flattering, if you're in need of that sort of attention, but after a [short] while it's just plain exhausting and definitely unrewarding.

WRT cheating, they figure you must be cheating because anyone else would look better than they do (remember, they have no self-esteem), so on the one hand you're stupid for not cheating, on the other, you're evil for doing it. Such is the pattern for just about everything else in their life--one no-win situation after another.

Some of the warning signs:

-- they ask you constantly for affirmation: "Do you love me?" "Do you like this?" "Do I look OK?" etc. Every once in a while, these questions are normal, but with Low Self-esteem people, receiving constant affirmation is as vital as breathing.

-- A life of no-win situations: After a while, these people become their own worst enemy. They are convinced that they are failures at whatever (not everything, however), and have become expert at setting the stage so that is ALWAYS the case. Of course, it'll be your job to keep cleaning up after these crises. For example, they'll complain about their looks, but not lift a finger to improve them (exercise, make-up, whatever) Then if they do, they'll find something to complain about e.g. "Now, my hair is TOOO short!"

-- It's all about "me" Remember, they always need reassurance so if there's a problem, it must be their problem. "Oh poor me, I'm such a failure...." If you don't feel good, it must be their fault. If you do feel good, you must be seeing someone else. And even though all the problems are their fault, it's your job to change something (usually yourself) to make it better.

-- Life is always unfair to me; Everyone else get's a break but me. This is usually true becuase they constantly (and usually unconsciously) undermine their chances to get a fair shake.

-- Of course trying to break up with them is all but impossible. They'll lay every guilt trip on you up to and including threatening suicide.

I could go on (having survived one recently).

Wasteland and Sylvia are both right.

WRT: "Be kind, be sensitive, be patient."

Sure, but mom's rarely mention the "don't be a dormat" clause.

In the LSE relationship, the "Be kind, be sensitive, be patient." advice is destructive to both people. The kind, sensitive, patient person will have his soul sucked out of him all the time thinking he's doing the right thing while the LSE woman will keep wondering why the guy isn't giving her what she needs (not that she knows what it is, just that she needs more of it). LSE women have an innate skill for finding these types of men, mainly because their survival depends on it.

"Be kind, be sensitive, be patient." is great and essential, but know where to draw the line (which, I suppose, is what the Dad is supposed to teach) and draw it.

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Colombiche says on Dec 28, 2005, 16:45:

Another Colombian lady's take.... (Before you read on Jojo, let me tell you that I never hand out relationship advice and I try to stay out of boyfriend girlfriend threads, but I saw your picture, and I have this really strong gut feeling that you are a sincere man. I tried to stay out of this one, but I kept remembering your story for some strange reason and now I am here writing to you. Please take everything that I write with a pinch of salt, but keep it in the back of your mind for future reference ;)

#1 -- The Care Bear Version

This is real love. You are meant to be. Eventhough she is so young, she is truly in love with you and is willing to leave her family for you, she is just having cold feet, but will get over it with a bit of persistence and patience from your side. She is a nice girl, has been hurt before and is looking for prince charming to help heal the wounds.

#2 -- The Watered Down Reality

Yes, you rocked her world (le moviste el tapete). She is pretty sure she wants to be with you, but wants to wait some time before she makes the big move, after all, she is young and pretty and knows it and she wants to be sure before she ties the knot. She is also going to miss her family, but she is using that as the only excuse and it isn't. Yes, she has been hurt badly before, but has a feeling that you are not going to hurt her the same way, just wants to be sure.

#3 -- Goldilock and the three bears version

This version is really simple. She is still young and immature and doesn't even know what she wants in life. Could she need..... a daddy?

#4 -- Tighten your seatbelt muchacho version

You are one of the contestants on "The Bachelorette" and don't know it yet. The good news is you are one of the finalists. Bad news is she is seeing other suitors, weighing the options. Yes, she is going to miss her family, but she knew how it was going before embarking on a long distance relationship and decided to go for it anyways. Ideally, she would like to fall head over heels in love, so she is still buying herself lots of time to keep screening the contestants... thus stringing you along to keep you in the running. Yes, she has been hurt before, and now she is saying "Never again in a million years, I'll do whatever it takes to watch MY back and get me what I need".

Disclaimer: I am not saying that we Colombianas are players, don't take what I am saying as such. I am a Colombiana and I am not a jplayer... I am just trying to give my realistic female point of view to a gentleman that sounds very sincere. My motto in life is to tell things as I see them, speak with my heart in my hand. Players come in all shapes, sizes and nationalities and in Colombia, like anywhere else in the world...there are players and non players. You can tell by the symptoms.

Buena suerte Jojo.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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jojo283 says on Dec 28, 2005, 18:48:

I like your takes Colombiche Let's hope for scenario 1 and possibly 2. And not 3 or 4. True my only fault is that I'm a nice guy and maybe they do finish last. I should know I have many gal pals who always end up with real jerks and SOBs. What is it with, "I know he is bad for me, but I can change and mold him to be better." I'll never know. Though gringo does make a good point. A doormat is the last thing I want to be. Believe me, it drives me nuts when I'm with her and guys come up and hits on her. Harmless fun maybe, but she assures me that the only thing they want is what she is not giving up. I trust her with all my heart and I know we can get over this "minor" hump.
Besides, I know most latin women from what I learn is all they want is to be in a loving realtionship and most will stay faithful to their man. I only hope she is to me as I am to her.

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Crazy4Cali says on Dec 28, 2005, 20:14:

Some do, Some don't Be careful of generalizations and stereotypes clouding your view or encouraging you to see only what you want to see.

Notions like: "...I know most latin women from what I learn is all they want is to be in a loving realtionship and most will stay faithful to their man. I only hope she is to me as I am to her."

Some do from the bottom of their heart, others are happy to just look the part. Gringo males not familiar with the mating habits of latinas are (speaking of generalizations) generally pretty bad at being able to tell the difference.

Either way, good luck with your visit.

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