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Not getting laid in Barranquilla

Yesterday, I spotted a thread from a gringo seeking information regarding the difficulties in finding companionship in Barranquilla, in other words he was not getting laid.
I happened to have ample info regarding this problem and was more than happy to assist and if I may, with out breaking any rules set forth by the moderators, I will answer this young man’s inquiry.
If told you guys once I told you a million times. Barranquilla is really not the most suitable place for gringos to find companionship, and I’ll explain again later.
Best cities for my gringo buddies are Bogotá, Medellin and Cali; these are prime hunting grounds with an abundance of young sexy gringo loving Colombian señioritis. Or to make much simpler any where south of Monteria, cachaco territory.
Why not Barranquilla or the northern Colombian coast?
Here I go again. Costeñas are very happy, very sexy and hot women who feel most joy and get most horny when dancing, and that’s the key magic word “Dancing” . If you can’t dance those broads lose interest very quickly and it don’t matter how blue your passport or green your dollars are. They’ll tell you to go fok yourself.
Women from our Andean region don’t care whether you dance or not, as matter of fact if you can’t dance you have a much better chance. Don’t believe me just go to Mangos in Medellin and show them your dancing skills, man, those cachacas are gonna be on you like fly on chit.
Hey mdefoque! the same old story. What the fok you want me to do? these are newbies to the site and need to be inform too.

By elmodefoque on Apr 6, 2007, 06:08 in Friendly Talkzone.

elmodefoque says on Apr 6, 2007, 07:06:

my type

my type

I'll get there, when I get there!

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goin_south says on Apr 6, 2007, 07:08:

what about 'brake dancing' in Barranquilla? Will that work?

And, what about Cartagena?
those girls are DARK and Pretty!
They all look more pristine and made-up,
than the barranquilleras.
Since it's the Colonial City, then what?

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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goin_south says on Apr 6, 2007, 07:17:

I don know Modefoqu I think you're trying to ward us gringos off at the pass
2 years ago, I wrote a handful of barranquilleranyans - can't we find a shorter name for those girls - and I couldn't keep up with all the email.

And, I kept writing: "NO PUEDO BAILLAR! PUEDO BAILLAR SOLAMENTE EN MI ESPALDA! ABAJO, EN LA TIERRA. TENGO TRES PIES IZQUIERDA."

AND, THEN THEY STARTED CALLING ME, and offerin to pay half my airfare.
I had to change my foqn email address and phone number; it was too foqn much to keep up with. maybe they were just wantin to send my foqn 'gringo-ass-that-can't-dance' to TIMBUKTU.

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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elmodefoque says on Apr 6, 2007, 07:30:

Hey Feliz, they’ll tell you that at first but then when you go out in groups, all colombianas like going out in big groups, her friends are gonna make fun of her “ Mira como baila tu gringo hijueputa, parece que le dio un ataque de epilepsy"
Soon she'll take your money and dump your ass and go off and pork her happily married barranquillero boss

I'll get there, when I get there!

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goin_south says on Apr 6, 2007, 07:45:

I better stick with my Calena-turned-Pastusanya Solamente me hace baillar en cama; and it doesn't hurt so bad, then when I fall; except some of those beds down there in the cheap hotels are a little low & thin

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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raulinho says on Apr 6, 2007, 08:24:

elmo that women you like in the foto has false tits (look at her tiny ass) and is high maintenance ...she is nothing special ...she is only interested in the $$$$

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jacobglobo says on Apr 6, 2007, 08:45:

it is bulshit hi my name is jacob , i was in all colombian cities , first in all dating site the best women i find was from baranqilla , AND I KNOW WHAT IS GOOD COLOMBIAN WOMEN AND WHAT IS PREPAGAS ,IF YOU GO TO MEDELLIN OR CALI 90 PROCENT OF THE GIRLS THAT STAY WITH GRINGOS ARE FOR INTRACE OR PREPAGAS , IT DEAPENS OF YOU , IN ALL COLOMBIAN CITES ARE GOOD WOMEN AMD BAD GIRLS , JUST DEAPENS OF YOU , HOW YOU TREAT THAM , AND WHERE YOU FIND THAM

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webmanco says on Apr 6, 2007, 09:47:

Elmo You are the Expert, tell me how colombinas sheeps like foreigners??

Adults Sheep Finders

...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ...

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elmodefoque says on Apr 6, 2007, 09:47:

hey, i'm into hookers with big fake boobs.
when i really wanna get down and dirty with a broad, i like me a hooker and they gotta have peroxide blonde hair, big fake boobs and big ass and money is no problem.
They ask for 200 mil, fine! they ask for booze and drugs, fine! but they gotta let me do every sick sexual chit i want.
you're right, her ass could be a little bigger for perfection, but she's got that slutty, grilla, hooker, pre pago look i just adore.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Apr 6, 2007, 09:49:

web, that is fokin GREAT!!!!!!!! i gotta share it with utopia, i think he's into sheeps too

I'll get there, when I get there!

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goin_south says on Apr 6, 2007, 09:52:

webmanco, why must you post that?
Now, Modefoq will be wanting an Adult Friend Finder Site for Burras.
Damn; you can't please all the people all the time.

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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webmanco says on Apr 6, 2007, 09:57:

Sheeps are entitle to had fun.

By the way, I am against animal cruelty

...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ...

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goin_south says on Apr 6, 2007, 14:36:

Against animal cruelty does that include cows?
no mas hambuerguessa?

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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maritime says on Apr 6, 2007, 15:00:

TYPES HEY ELMO KNOW ANY OF YOUR TYPES OF GIRLS IN MEDELLIN, THROW A DOG A BONE. PLEASE..........

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 6, 2007, 17:08:

Elmo is right. I was about to comment on what a nice looking butt that sheep had. Maaaaaaaaaaa!

"...she'll take your money and dump your ass and go off and pork her happily married barranquillero boss!" That is as classic a Colombian statement as it gets. No wonder they're happily married. And if his wife catches him, he's always got the brujeria "Get Out of Jail Free" card. My sister-in-law (of the departed Mas Brujeria thread) is a strong believer in brujeria. I wonder if I had porked her when she was bent over the refrigerator if she wouldn't have forgiven me if I claimed the brujeria defense.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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goin_south says on Apr 6, 2007, 21:40:

((No wonder they're happily married.)) Who's happily married? Modefoq?

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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webmanco says on Apr 6, 2007, 22:30:

Asociación Protectora de la Fauna y el Ambiente

Aprofac.Org

...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ...

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goin_south says on Apr 7, 2007, 09:49:

I'm amazed he found his way to Colombia .Maybe he was intending to go somewhere else ;)

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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CaptainHowdy says on Apr 7, 2007, 10:44:

Sheep shaggers... You know why some guys wear their pants inside the boots don't you????

So they can put the legs of the sheep in their boots and keep them from running away...Do we know anyone like that????

Teaching preteens the things they need to know!

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RUV says on Apr 7, 2007, 13:01:

Thanks guys, we had planned on making a nice Barbocoa (goat)(http://www.recipecenter.com/Recipe.asp?code=41787.

After reading this stuff. I am going to just eat the salad.

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CaptainHowdy says on Apr 7, 2007, 21:15:

LOL.. See...PBH IS healthy for ya.....You're eating better already, RUV!!!

Teaching preteens the things they need to know!

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MacGringo says on Apr 8, 2007, 07:57:

What you need to do is get the sheep near the edge of a cliff and then it will push back harder against you.
An old pros tip that I got from a north of Scotland sheep shagger..haha

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lochdhu says on Apr 8, 2007, 11:40:

maybe this wite will help maybe this site will help you http://www.adultsheepfinder.com/

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jinksmiester says on Apr 8, 2007, 16:13:

don,t gohohoh come baaaaaaack!

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

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elmodefoque says on Apr 9, 2007, 05:10:

Hey, I’m not claiming to be getting laid for free all over Barranquilla just because I’m barranquillero, I have to fokin pay.
These barranquilleras want a nice young barranquillero stud not some old modefoque like me, and I don’t blame them.
My next trip I’m gonna be spending more time in Bogotá, Medellin, Cali and Villavaina where I wanna show off my newly learned Joropo steps, I know I could do a lot better there, but the again anybody from abroad can.
I wanna join the Morphs and his young cachacas in his STABBIN CABIN.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Apr 9, 2007, 05:38:

I specially wanna visit Villavaina, I devoted countless of hours learning to dance Joropo and I’m dying to show off my skills.

Need help posting video on youtube. I have to get one of you guys from NY to help with this.
I recorded myself dancing joropo, with a bag over my head of course, I just wanna show you that I’m quite good at it and have the legs for it.
Some may laugh but dancing this thing is no joke, you really, really have to be in shape.
While I figure out how to post my video, here’s what I look like dancing, I’m just as good as this guy.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Man Tequila says on Apr 9, 2007, 13:36:

Colombian sheep don't try to pull the wool over your eyes as often as the Colombianas. That one in the middle is hot.

Aunque no me creas/ si me lo propongo/ lograre olvidarte/ porque a fin de cuentas/ no soy tan cobarde./ Y termino todo una de estas tardes/ no sera dificil buscar algún sitio donde refugiarme/ donde nunca mas vuelvas a encontrarme. (Polo Montañez)

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CaritadeAngel says on Apr 20, 2007, 10:35:

How do you chat up a sheep? Ask what their star-sign is? Because if you dont get consent ...

Maybe there are some of you who are bilingual and speak both Sheepish and Burrese to maximise your social opportunities.

"Five things bring us closer to the unseen: the act of love, the birth of a baby, being in the pressence of death or disaster, the contemplation of great art, and the human voice lifted in song".

"I hope I never say anything worth quoting".

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jay1234 says on Apr 20, 2007, 17:14:

For elmo his relations with burras cover many of the above ,CaritadeAngel. Act of love, presence of disaster, and the burras voice lifted in a startled cry. Not quite a song, but you would never forget it if you heard the burra with elmo. It would defintiely be better if it was unseen, though.

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CaritadeAngel says on Apr 20, 2007, 19:34:

LOL
You missed "birth of a baby" though. The mind boggles. :D

"Five things bring us closer to the unseen: the act of love, the birth of a baby, being in the pressence of death or disaster, the contemplation of great art, and the human voice lifted in song".

"I hope I never say anything worth quoting".

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cali373 says on Jan 29, 2008, 21:36:

Hey elmo, Where did you get the picture of that girl? I beleive I met her. She is from Cali correct?

Smile if you are a thinker!

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