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PBH / colombia (travelguide, pictures) / post |
A good friend of mine has a friend whose fiancee recently arrived here. A few months back he came over to our house with my buddy to ask for advice regarding his relationship. Being that I had already gone thru the process, I helped him the best I could. However, there were several big red flags that were waving that gave me pause for concern.
For one, he's Mormon and she's not. He has never had a girlfriend or had sex (at that time) and he's 30. He lives with his family and his mom controls his life. He's not done with school. The girl has a kid. He's naive, clueless and kind of schitzoid. Not a real good combination to have when starting a marriage.
Fast forward to yesterday, my wife and I had them over with our friends. The entire time we hung out this guy didn't even try holding his fiancees hand. He barely looked at her. He was acting like she was kryptinite and he was Superman. Just completely disengaged. The woman is very bright, poised and confident and physically a knock out. I knew just ten minutes into a conversation with them that there was nothing there; just this big vacume where feelings are supposed to be.
When her fiance went to Colombia to help her out she finally got him to be physical with her. He was adament about them not having sex until they were married but finally broke down. I guess it was a really bad experience and since that time he hasn't touched her. Since she flew in a few weeks ago he's been treating her with distain and indifference. It seems he has some personal identify issues besides everything else that is going on in his life. It's sad.
She's here on a Fiancee Visa and she told my wife that she knows she made a mistake in coming over here. She had doubts before but thought it was just nerves. Now she wishes she would have listend to her gut feelings. The problem is that she sold everything she had in Colombia, has no job and according to her no support system in place. She wants to stay here and try to make a go of it. My and my buddy have been helping his friend for a few months now and our wives have been helping as well. All four of us feel badly about how things are turning out. I personally don't understand how someone can go through all the trouble of bringng someone over, especially someone of the caliber of this woman, and treat her like a used piece of tissue. I was actually kind of shocked with his attitude.
Anyway, all four of us want to offer her help, but don't want to get over involved. We already are kind of a safety net and want to help her get on her feet. She has ambition and is motivated to work. In fact she already has a job. She looks so stressed out and in the situation she's found herself in, which is basically in a limbo land between two different worlds, is a real tough one to be in. We all feel that this is someone deserving of help and support, but don't know to the extent that this help and support should be provided. We also don't want to alienate the guy in this warped relationship, (actually I don't care because he's not a friend of mine) but all four of us feel that because of his current living status and personal issues,that he had no business seeking a relationship in the first place and created this problem by his lack of maturity and foresite.
Your thoughts on this are appreciated.
By (Deleted user) on Aug 7, 2006, 11:14 in Friendly Talkzone.
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Miguel says on Aug 7, 2006, 11:33: strobers From what I can glean from your previous posts here, you have command of English as well as Spanish. What about the couple you are talking about?
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elmodefoque says on Aug 7, 2006, 11:38: i don't get this chit, i'm a freakin colombian, yet i don't have poised,confident, hot, knock out colombianas after me demanding sex. WTF am i doing WRONG???????????????????? any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elmodefoque says on Aug 7, 2006, 11:40: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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utopiacowboy says on Aug 7, 2006, 13:25: I'm with Tinto on this one. But what are the chances? She'll end up another illegal Colombian who overstayed their visa. Then they wonder why US visas are hard to get in Bogota. Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elmodefoque says on Aug 7, 2006, 13:45: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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moondance says on Aug 7, 2006, 13:59: she's a knockout you say if she already has a U.S. visa and she knows marriage won't work....then send her over here.....have few friends that are definite marriage material.............something to consider
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famsearch says on Aug 7, 2006, 14:25: if you have to ask why, you already know the answer elmo... lol dan 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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divina22 says on Aug 7, 2006, 14:35: LOL you guys crack me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do....... 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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tomtom33 says on Aug 7, 2006, 14:51: Tinto What a great answer to Elmo's query.
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miamimike says on Aug 7, 2006, 15:12: She knew the Law in advance of coming here; seems she was hoping for something that wasn't. She really has NO other options then to get on the plane and return home unless she further wants to complicate her life. I'll bet there is more to the story she may not be telling you Strobers, sounds like she may have been using the Guy to get her green card. By the way, they have the Mormons(mormonas) in Colombia, she must have known that her Husband- to- be would not be OK with Smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages. This(no alcohol ever) would be a no-go in 99.9% of colombian families. Then the "Tithing" where Mormons contribute 10% of their Salaries to their Church. Nothing wrong with any of this, what the Mormons practice, only to say, why consider marrying a person like this if these practices will cause a lot of stress in your marriage, In all probability, the Mormon isn't going to change but she had to be aware of this at her age, I can't see a Typical Colombian woman(as most love to dance and have shot of arguadiente) with a pulse above freezing temperature wanting to tie herself into this type of relationship,,, "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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MacGringo says on Aug 7, 2006, 15:24: She doesn't need a job, just sell this script to Adam Sandler for his next movie....hehehe
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famsearch says on Aug 7, 2006, 15:41: sounds like she needs to cut her losses, fly back to colombia, and pick up where she left off as best she can. i was surprised, since mormons have an overwhelming tendency to marry other mormons, unless she was willing to convert. dan 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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moondance says on Aug 7, 2006, 17:32: solution if she is the knockout u say she is....., she not need teturn to Colombia, have her take the next plane to Miami, where she can get a visa to the Bahamas in 1 day, and "boom", 30 minutes later she'd be here. No problem getting her a permanent status here.....the world is full of possiblities
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robertdeason says on Aug 7, 2006, 18:58: She's a Colombian! This woman has all you guys jumping all ways, reasons, excuses, trauma, and more.
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bufalo says on Aug 7, 2006, 19:34: Like Miamimike said, there are mormons in colombia, PLENTY of them. The guy is 30, no sex and lives with his mom? NO, he's not a nerd in any part of the world, she didn't know what she was getting into????!!!¿¿¿¿¿¡¡¡¡¡ "If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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webmanco says on Aug 7, 2006, 20:04: Robertdeason You don't really know Colombia. I wonder what places did you visit while in Colombia, but your thoughts about single mothers don't hit reality. I know many single mothers who do just fine without crossing in her minds the though of marrying a foreigner or a local for that matter, just for a better life. They do have to work hard an count sometimes on their family's help, maybe you did have a bad experience and are comenting from a bad experience. ...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ... 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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famsearch says on Aug 7, 2006, 20:17: robertdeason, you're basically full of something warm, moist, and brown. i may not have spent as much time in colombia as others here, but i can tell you that you are not only way off the mark about colombia, but you're also the kind that not only gives colombia a bad name, by your obviously uninformed, and more than slightly biased opinion. you're also the kind that the rest of us humble gringos a bad name, and are the personification of the ugly american. now my wife is a colombian woman, and normally, i would tend to take your opion of her as a colombian woman a bit personally, but you're not worth the time and effort. dan 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Mr. Hollywood says on Aug 7, 2006, 20:38: Help her out Strobers, I appreciate your compassion for this woman. I'd suggest that you and your friends make a little "vaca" for her and help her find the last plane home before her fiancee visa expires. She doesn't want the stress and headache of life here without documents and maybe you should spell some of that out, ie. never being able to travel internationally again, looking over your shoulder, working shit jobs, etc.
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miamimike says on Aug 8, 2006, 01:55: Strobers Educate your Friend's Friend on a Couple Things 1)Make sure your friend has no arguement, shouting ect with this woman. Nothing to give her a reason to call the police or any Social group. Some Women(those with alterior motives--not all) coming here on fiancee Visas have been known to do this as to hedge their remaining in the country(my buddy's fiancee did this---called the Police unknown to him and when he looked out the window of his house he saw all the cops surrounding his wife by that time---after talking to the police, seems his ex-wife called the Cops because she was nervous he asked her, not under duress btw, to sign a pre-Nuptial agreement. The police, upon learning this, dismissed her charge as they explained to Her this was commonplace here in the USA. 2) I hope he knows that he is responsable for her financially if they seperate and she has a problem, say a illness where she is hospitalized, say she has an accident; He pays the Bill!! A good idea is to take a low cost life or temporary life or health insurance on her 90 days here. This same friend of mine mentioned above did that when he brought his fiancee from BQA just to cover all bases should she be involved in a accident. He is a life long banker and knows all the angles when it comes to protecting himself. Caveat Emptor,,, "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Rubiazo says on Aug 8, 2006, 02:01: I have another theory She probably THOUGHT she wanted to come to the USA and thought that the grass was greener and that she was willing to put up with this guy's weirdness for that, and then she got here and saw what a fucking dump it was and realized she was probably better off in Colombia. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Robertdeason!
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divina22 says on Aug 8, 2006, 05:21: Oh my gosh she has a child too? AI DIOS MIO!!!! I think rather than ruining her chances of ever coming, she needs to go home and try again..... any one have any friends? I woudl hook her up with my brother but he stll ives at home with my parents! LOL At least he's not an anti-social, non-drinking mormom...... but seriously, has anyone heard of someone coming over on a K-1 and staying beyond and getting married to someone else??? Is that even possible??? I guess anythign is possible!!! Anyone? Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do....... 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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aztec says on Aug 8, 2006, 05:33: Return to Colombia... ...and maintain her legal status. Then she will have little difficulty returning to the USA on other occasions.
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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2006, 05:39: "When I was in Colombia, I had women all over me. It is the dream of every Colombian family to have their daughter marry a gringo," robertdeason any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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webmanco says on Aug 8, 2006, 05:45: Elmo As a cousin´s daugther tells me, get over with it, or SUPERALO ...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ... 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2006, 05:52: pero que vivan bien lejos! jijijjijjjji any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Rubiazo says on Aug 8, 2006, 08:48: at Gringodiego Since 1996, NO MORE grandfathering in. And in this girl's case she can't get another visa in ANY way shape or form without returning to Colombia first.
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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2006, 08:58: good for their gold digging ass!! congrats to the poor ass gafilta fish eating israelies. jijijijiji any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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robertdeason says on Aug 8, 2006, 09:08: FROM Robert Deason Let me write this to address any comments left for my reading.
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webmanco says on Aug 8, 2006, 09:22: That is true, and is what Politics and corruption does to a country, the poor gets poorer and the rich richer. Don't need to hide the sunshine with a finger, but somehow your post was againts colombian women. ...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ... 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2006, 09:32: As a kid I was one of those I was one of those kids that walked the alleys (callejon) of Barranquilla poorest neighborhoods and my bellied looked like I accidentally swallowed a basketball, but my hair was a nice shade of blonde. Lack of vitamins. I wanna tell you more but sometimes it bums me out and I also get a bit upset. any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2006, 09:35: I bet you're probably wondering, how the hell does someone accidentally swallow a basketball? any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2006, 09:44: 24 damnnn, hey! give her my number but don't tell what i look like. tell her i'm english even rumanian anything but wayuu. any colombianita willing to date me, IS UP TO NO GOOD 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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famsearch says on Aug 8, 2006, 12:28: peace corps, i thought i had recognized the holier than thou attitude, but had forgotten that it still existed. in the short time i've been in colombia, i've seen and been around the poverty. i've asked my sister in law, because she's a colombiana, to give someone money for me, because i thought it wouldn't seem right coming from a gringo. preserving the pride of the recipient, and on occasion, i will send money to my brother in law there, to give to this person. we've all seen both the good and the bad there, and some here have had to live it, and turned out ok. but i have seen not a one of them here, adopt such an arrogant, holier than thou attitude about colombia, or colombians in general as you. granted, the peace corps started out as a good idea, but thanks to liberalism, it has become more symbolic than practical. why join the peace corps? why didn't you go there on your own? when you came back, did you feel better about yourself for helping, or worse for not being able to follow up? dan 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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tomtom33 says on Aug 8, 2006, 17:10: Bob "...much of it is caused by our "ugly American" culture."
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poco says on Aug 8, 2006, 17:36: I'm helping I have lived here for 3 years and have helped many unfortunate young ladies. "When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." Quote - General Tommy Franks 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Rubiazo says on Aug 8, 2006, 17:44: Deason you are not BIASED you are PREJUDICED. Bias implies justification. Your attitude is not justifiable.
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utopiacowboy says on Aug 8, 2006, 18:42: I bet you give them something to help relieve their stress, Poco. Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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redway says on Aug 8, 2006, 21:18: LOL- UTC- Really relieved the stress of this weird thread. Rubiazo was very controlled in his response to this robertdeason. Wow. The guy this woman is around,the Mormon, sounds like a loser. She isn't. Strobers should help HER. I really hope she stays here.
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redway says on Aug 8, 2006, 23:07: Oooops. FINE... I attack the idiocy. I don't want to be rude.
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redway says on Aug 8, 2006, 23:07: Why doesn't someone take her to see an immigration attorney? Then she can live here-U.S.- if she wants. I hope Strobers sees this.
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Rubiazo says on Aug 8, 2006, 23:33: Won't do any good when you enter on a fiancee visa there is no other legitimate path to staying here but to return to your country and re-apply on other grounds.
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redway says on Aug 8, 2006, 23:40: Then she needs to return and re-apply. Someone-hopefully, strobers, will tell her this-I bet he already has. The very fact of her returning should really work in her favor. She is employed here, etc.. I really hope she stays single.
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pedro says on Aug 9, 2006, 03:31: ? All of the handful of ladies I have known in Colombia command and garner enviable respect from their children. que nota! 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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JR says on Aug 10, 2006, 08:51: Observations.. As an RPCV Togo West Africa 95-97(Returned Peace Corps Volunteer), I couldn't resist adding to this thread. I can unequivocally say though that all Togolese I met would leave to their country without hesitation to live in the USA if given the opportunity. Colombia does have its poverty but not on the same scale as Togo. Here are some figures to illustrate why:
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famsearch says on Aug 10, 2006, 13:05: one thing you forgot to mention jr, is the exchange rate for togo. at 220780 francs(cfa franc (xof)), and what the prices are in togo, that could be a pretty good salary. the current exchange rate is roughly 581 francs to the dollar. similar situation in colombia, where the current exchange rate is 2480 to the dollar, and by your figuring, that's a salary of 4.96 million pesos. dan 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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bufalo says on Aug 10, 2006, 19:25: famsearch - " i have found that there are 2 things that will really get a colombian truly angry, one is what escobar did to thier people and country, and the other is the truly half-assed way colombia is portrayed by the media here." "If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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JR says on Aug 11, 2006, 07:05: Not Exactly Buffalo Check my post above. Peace Corps left in 1981 and it wasn't due to spying. A volunteer was kidnapped so for the safety of all volunteers, they left Colombia.
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utopiacowboy says on Aug 11, 2006, 09:47: Not every Colombian thinks Escobar was a hero. He was responsible for the death of my wife's father. A family of 7 children without a father. Personally I think he deserves a spot in the deepest pit of hell. If I had him I would have disembowelled him and let the dogs eat his intestines while he watched. I would have cut off his eyelids after that. I would have removed each of his fingernails with a pair of pliers. The Comanches had numerous ways of torture and I would have tried them all out on him. Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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bufalo says on Aug 11, 2006, 10:13: UTC I feel the same way. Last night it was too late to repost, so I'll say it now. In the last 2 years or so I have come across less of what I had said in my post with regards to Escobar. Funny, where I saw a lot of people liking him, I was in SM and other parts of the coast. Now inn the interior (QuindÃo) I hear people, not saying he is responsible for the problems today, but against what he was. "If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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billyb says on Aug 11, 2006, 13:49: I don't know about the CIA, but... a year or so back there was movie playing in Colombia (can't remember name, senilty i guess) about the drug business and it alluded to Peace Corps Volunteers in Colombia being some of the pioneers in smuggling drugs from there into the US.
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David in Idaho says on Aug 11, 2006, 16:54: then it must be true After all, it was in the movies!
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miamimike says on Aug 11, 2006, 17:06: So some US Army Guys Honed The Drug Smuggling To a High State of the Art. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4420329.stm "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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elchantajista says on Aug 12, 2006, 14:40: tell her tell her to e mail me at el_chantajista at yahoo.com in spanish, live in louisiana work in the oilfield no hang ups here i promise, blond hair hazel eyes anda de parranda en Bogota "Vicente" 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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Strobers says on Dec 11, 2007, 19:52: I forgot about this thread. The girl from Colombia wound up leaving this guy before her three month fiancee visa was up and hooked up with the Colombia guy I had mentioned before. I knew that was going to happen. Just watching them together at our place when she first got here confirmed what wound up happening. "Life is too serious to be taken seriously" 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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john_stark says on Dec 11, 2007, 21:35: Geez, Strobers, are you resurrecting every old thread that you started? So is she still here? If she is she's gotta be illegal. If you don't marry the guy you came in here on a K-1 for, you have to go back. No switcheroo.
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goin_south says on Dec 11, 2007, 22:22: Stobers: The Komeback Kid. Ciao! Gustav. Bienvenitos, Ike. 0 funny, 0 helpful. |
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