my wife is increasingly aggressive and is hard to live with

kat1 (Moderator) says on May 23, 2005, 11:35:

Have you ask her?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

maleorange says on May 23, 2005, 11:38:

no She has always expldoed over little things and has a negative way about her. I think it is her nature. But people that get very angry fast normally have repressed aggression going back years. I could ask again but she will give me a long list, because it seems as though everything is wrong. All the time little things irritate her

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on May 23, 2005, 11:45:

i'm no doctor but could it be postpartum depression. my wife wanted to cut and cooked my balls during her pregnancies.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

0 funny, 0 helpful.

maleorange says on May 23, 2005, 11:46:

i dont think so because she use to have mood swings and explode before she got pregnant

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on May 23, 2005, 11:48:

is not that then.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on May 23, 2005, 11:50:

did she come from a well off family or was she from a humble (poor ass) background.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

0 funny, 0 helpful.

maleorange says on May 23, 2005, 11:53:

she came from not a poor family and not rich in between the family have 3 houses but not much more

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on May 23, 2005, 12:03:

Maybe she comes from an agressive background, and she can't help to be angry, I'm sure she hates herself for that but can't help herself. Has she got family near her? I tell this because i used to be very explosive, I used to get cross for anything, terrible rows with my husband, but looking back was because, first I came from a very temperamental family, specially my dad. and second when I came to England I felt lonely.insecure, and had a low self steem, and I blame my husband for everything, poor soul he tried his best but nothing was enough, I sent him a couple of times to sleep at his mom.But I used to hate being like that, so I decided it was time to change, I wasn't making my husband happy nor me. I became more independent,economically and emotionally, we talked to a counsellor, and it was nice to let everthing out,something that in Colombia wasn't possible. I change a lot, from an insecure person to a very confident one, much happier and easy going. I think I can't remember the last time I argue with my husband, he goes wherever he pleased, and is ok by me. He is away a lot and everytime he comes back is like a honeymoon again.:-). I think you should tell her to go with you and talk to somebody see what is her problem, otherwise she is going to drive you away. I nearly drove my husband.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on May 23, 2005, 12:07:

there you go, kat, not only are you beautiful but very smart. i think your advise is excellent, i was gonna tell him to sent her ass back to colombia in a freight ship.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Crazy4Cali says on May 23, 2005, 12:11:

If this is nothing new... ...what were you thinking when you got married? I presume she has some redeeming qualities, but nevertheless...

One of you will need to deal with it. Either she will (if she even sees it as a problem) or you will: either by ignoring it and hoping it will go away (it won't); standing up to her and tell her to "put a cork in it, you're not going to stand for that sort of B.S. from her any more;" (that may or may not work, it's hard to say from what little you've posted) or just leave her and start over.

If it's this bad for you now, what are you going to be like after 10 yrs of this? 20 yrs? or more? At the same time, be sure to look at your actions to see if they could be provoking these outbursts. I'm not saying you should walk on eggshells, but maybe some of your habits are annoying her?

In any case, life is too short to spend it suffering. Either way, good luck!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on May 23, 2005, 12:13:

Lol Elmo you so funny. ;-)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

cali373 says on May 23, 2005, 12:19:

Homesick maybe

Smile if you are a thinker!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

2retirensa says on May 23, 2005, 12:19:

Exploding girlfriend (5/8) and aggressive wife (5/23) Are these one and the same? If not, that could be the problem.
Maureen

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Tinto (Moderator) says on May 23, 2005, 12:31:

Interesting... You win the Inspector Clouseau award for the day!



And in other posts...

- "girlfriends, friends and relatives flirt with me"

- "Colombian women can have sharp edges" (girlfriend reference)



Married for two years to a Colombian woman and refers to people from Bogota as "Bogatonians" -- Fantasy? Lies? Cheating husband? Troll? Kerry?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Lionheart says on May 23, 2005, 13:03:

I am putting my bets on ... Londonmale ...

My recommendation, buy her a gun and see how she uses it. And just for the heck of it, buy her a set of throwing knives too. Oh, and those swirling 007 plates belong in the kitchen ...

0 funny, 0 helpful.

shirly1981 says on May 23, 2005, 13:19:

you'd better do something quickly You have to do something right now, before it turns worse. Communication is your best option, talk to her and let her know that you are worried about this situation; and it is not working out the way it is suppouse to be, sometimes we make mistakes and we dont realize of this until somebody let us know, think about that baby and ask her to go with you to see any counselor that help her with that bad temper. Dont you think that you are focusing the problem and not the solution???? sometimes we complain about a situation and dont do anything to figure it out. Before you go to the counselor try to do something, maybe she is stressed or depressed 'cause of the baby i dont know. For example i have a bad temper but i try to control myself counting, thinking about something different, go to my room and stay there until it goes out of me, you know there are so many ways to control that but you need to know that you have that problem. ok good luck and try to do something as soon as posible bye

Sophia

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Cousin says on May 23, 2005, 14:18:

Maybe she comes from an agres Maybe she just realized the love you shared was not real and the she needs to get out. She might be trying to push you away so she does not have to feel as if she left and then she can blame you for all that went wrong and for giving up on her.

My heart is doing this to me. She has allowed her family and "papers" to get in the way of our having a good relationship. She has stopped taking to me about what is on her mind though my ears are always open for her. She nit picks at my poor spanish and looks for any reason to find negative. Saying I love you now is a curse to her ears.

She is doing anything to push me out of her life though I have told her she has to make the decission on her own. She can pick someone else, change her phones and just get out of contact with me.

I hope you are not thinking I am telling you anything negative, I still think what we HAD would be worth keeping and I have been fighting to keep us alive; I am just telling you to get more involved to find out what is happening.

Los Cuatro

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte says on May 23, 2005, 14:58:

if she's a paisa.... get used to it...they live at times on a short fuze. get used to it.

my wife was so outta hand she got to hitting me and when that happened i grabbed her hands and told her that's not happening. if you do it again, i'll smak you..she did it, i smacked her.

that didn't work and i wasn't in to hurting her. i just went through the hell of her internal torment for a long time. she could not be pleased...it was her issue, not mine. i hung in there and here it is some 16 years later and there's peace on earth. i've left out a shit load of 'crap' that went down, but not important. once i had a family with this lady, once i buried one of our children, i wasn't out the door and looking for mrs. right. she's a good lady, that's enough for me. i've proved my self to her in reliability and now she is secure in what was a fearful place for her for so long.

i'm not the hitting type, but when mom up and smacked me in the kisser, i put up with that for a real short period. another time or two and that was one toke over the line. she didn't do it again after i gave her a smack on the cheek. not hard, but stinging enough to wake her up.

like i said...'this too shall pass'....if you love her, love your family and child....go through the war with her. let her grow up. make her see it's in her court by not reacting too much to it.

it's a toughie, but if you're dedicated to your union as am i, it's worth 'fighting' for.

good luck

dwm

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 23, 2005, 15:10:

douglas don't give her even a little smack in Florida, you'll end up in the pokey.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on May 23, 2005, 15:11:

Maleorange We are only reading one side of the party.
What about you? are a good husband, are you there for her, do you help with the baby, are you giving her any cause for this aggression towards you?.Do you help her to settle down where she is, do you encourage her to have her own friends, and social life
Just a though

buenas noches amigos

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Lowell says on May 23, 2005, 15:17:

Agressive Colombiana My wife is becoming more aggressive and physical during arguments too. She will threaten to damage whatever I’m using if I don’t pay direct attention to what she is arguing about. This could be the computer, stereo.... Also, she will use her body to bar the my way. IE: enter the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom...... I was trying to just leave the apartment today and when she tried to bar my way, as I did make it through the door I caught the door in the middle of my back. I have problems and pain in every joint of my body except my left elbow joint. I don’t need anymore pain.

Sometimes I just don’t want to argue anymore. I’m in my 2nd year of learning Spanish and it’s still hard to speak all that is needed to be said. Sometimes I just don’t know what the words would be in Spanish. She has learned no English. She has said things to me in arguments that I’ve never heard of before from a woman. If a man had said the same things to me, I’d have knocked him out. This is all new to me and it’s unacceptable.

I’m to the point that I ready to give it up, sell my apt in Panama, not move to Colombia as planned and return to the States and not to date another Latin woman again. This treatment is coming from a woman who comes from a very low income family. A woman who’s son and family receives money from every month from me. A family, that in less than 2 years, I’ve bought a frig, washing machine, stove, small stereo.................. This is to a man that makes sure that all the responsibilities are met, bills paid, helps around the house, does the majority of the cooking, all the driving, watches out for her best interest..................

My goal in moving to Latin America was to reduce, stress, responsibility and relax more. That sure isn’t happening.

My last few years in the States were total Hell. I just need to be loved, touched and pampered for a while.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Hunter says on May 23, 2005, 15:25:

Thank God I am single, you poor b......

Hunter

0 funny, 0 helpful.

adrimm says on May 23, 2005, 15:35:

Sorry to hear of your difficulties I think regular relationships can be difficult enough without culture-shock and new-place-shock that can come when person moves for a marriage.

The "importing" spouse can probably become an easy target for feelings of frustrating from the imported spouse since if it were not for them then perhaps X. X, and X could be different.

Does she have any family support near-by from her side of the family and does she have many gal-friends?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte says on May 23, 2005, 15:45:

hell, james, that was 16 years ago in medellin... hunter....you lucky b....

lionheart, i think you're on to something there. you might want to publish that idea and get it out amongst the folks more. i really think it is a worthwile solution.....if you have a kevlar vest and a glock hidden in your drawers.

lowell, cousin, maleorange...i think you all have our sympathies. everyone of us here has been there done that...probably even hunter.

askin for our help, although a bit of a bulwark, aint gonna help squat. you just have to decide to take a port in a storm, or ride it out. only you can make that decision and move.

good luck.

dw

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on May 23, 2005, 15:53:

Ditto Hunter.. Thank God I am single also. I had that above trip once in another life Time and once was too much..

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

peteyw says on May 23, 2005, 16:09:

She should see a doctor Maleorange,

What you describe has happened with two different women I have known in my past. One was my ex. wife another a girlfriend. The symptoms were agressiveness, sometimes violent mood swings. In each case the problem was an untreated thyroid condition.

One had to have surgery on her thyroid; the other's problem was treated with medication.

She should see a doctor sooner rather than later.

Peteyw

0 funny, 0 helpful.

viewpoint says on May 23, 2005, 16:12:

DWMTE - SIXTEEN YEARS OR SIXTEEN TONS Douglas,

I am really encouraged now !!!! I am six years into my relationship with a paisa so now based upon your experience I can see light at the end of the tunnel in ten years (16th anniversary).

Well I can't add much to some of the experiences that have been shared on this thread but the wiseman may be Hunter who doesn't answer his phone or door based upon his prior experiences with Colombian women. Me, well I guess I am like Douglas just waiting it out for things to get better. Bridging the cultural gap is so difficult to both parties to the relationship.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

ARMacleod says on May 23, 2005, 16:12:

I am stoopid! I should know better at my age. I am beginning to realise that the blinding sight of love is a hell inspired medium to encapsulate the poor unsuspecting love (or sex) attracted human to abandon all thought and logical reason.

I am in the throes of this dilemma at the moment, fortunately I am a long way from the lash of the tongue.

the problem is (with me anyway) I love the woman and I am at a loss as to what to do.

The Scottish race are not known for their tolerance of the opposites. But I am doing my best.

I like you have two choices only my friend, ditch the lady or stick it out. That's easy, just two. but you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Choose well. James.

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte says on May 23, 2005, 16:31:

to all you lamenting bretheren.... who have been there or are in there...

you have my total commiseration...i think like viewpointed out it's 16tons...but now after mucha lucha, we have peace. i dont give in and i clearly don't abuse my lady, i just let her have her way. she runs the house and it's affairs...beyond that, she's a stranger in a strange land. and unless i'm concerned about her opinion about this or that, i just dont ask...even if she tries to submit it.

i live and let live. it works and i'm living proof. but...it took a fuckin long 16 years to get here. so why create a hassle now? i ask you all...is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? after a bunch of wives, i think not. after all, they're all women. and demons they may be, but oh so fragile demons.

dw

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on May 23, 2005, 17:56:

Here is what my wife has to say about it: "mal genio".

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colombiche says on May 23, 2005, 20:51:

Hey Gentlemen!!!! Guys, come on, not all paisas are Jekyll and Hyde type of ladies. I am a paisa, and I assure you I have never been know to smack my boyfriends around, I don't carry a razor blade between my index and middle finger and I certainly don't pack a piece in my purse!!! (okay fine, I did slap my boyfriend once but the bastard deserved it).

I think in a lot of your cases the common denominator is HOME SICKNESS. Your wives are homesick. It is very scary for a woman to leave behind everything she ever knew to go to this new country with a Gringo she fell in love with. Especially because Colombian families are very tight knit, some colombian women feel very lonely when they can't be around their mothers and sisters...etc. More than lonely, they feel incomplete. Scared. I have seen it happen with colombian couples here in Canada, the woman starts freaking out on the guy because he brought her here and what not.

All I can say is that you guys should start a Battered Husbands movement.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colombiche says on May 23, 2005, 20:55:

And I forgot to add .. that I think it is completely wrong of these women to raise a hand against their husbands as it is for you guys to smack them back. There are some boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed. When a couple starts getting physically violent with each other, there is a serious problem there. It can get scary because if you get a man angry, you never know if he will attack back and if he does, he might just kill you with a backhander, it is not a joke, it is scary because men are always stronger than women and capable of doing more harm if they get angry.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Chavo del 8 says on May 23, 2005, 21:10:

If you are a freigner and have married a colombian woman, then she probably just wants to show you that she wants a divorce and gaet the hands on some of money resultion of such a divorce.

I know a couple of cases where a foreigner has married in Colombia, settled down there, bought a house and suddenly the marriage doesnt run well any more and the foreigner has to leave the country from one day to the other.

You have to put in some safeguards so that marriage is not just that the partner easily gets hold of money or property.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

marcitos says on May 24, 2005, 00:22:

It has nothing to do with her being Colombian or what ever nationallity, there are messed up women in every walk of life (Im not saying that she's messed up). Get her some Zoloft, they are pretty good for that kind of situation. My buddies chick started to take that, I guess it's working for her.

marcos

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on May 24, 2005, 00:44:

Llowell I think you been tango. :-)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Sunsetsrbest says on May 24, 2005, 02:23:

Just a guess... Dude, first think of this... big dreams of life and love in the "promised land" of the USA... then all is shattered by a baby right out of the box. Maybe she wanted a career or something and is generally pissed at life... and of course you because you got her pregnant. Don't take this the wrong way - it is just how she might be seeing it, you know? On the other hand, maybe she's just bi-polar and the doc can fix that quick. My ex was bi-polar and the med's helped her alot - same mood swings and all. In any case discuss it and seek medical help if you think you need it... a violent and easily irritated mother is not good to have around a baby- a baby is alot of stress in of itself and will test her greatly. I'd fix this quick for the baby's sake. Good luck.


Gringo rojo :-)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Nora says on May 24, 2005, 07:28:

Wild guess I know this might be an insult depending on your religious view and is probalbly a long shot, but she didn't by any chanse start using the pill after giving birth? I'm a stable pragamatic type, but what little mood swings I had went wild with the first brand I tried...

0 funny, 0 helpful.

pedro says on May 25, 2005, 00:21:

Does she have a short fuse with everyone (friends, family, baby crying), or only with you?

que nota!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

maleorange says on May 25, 2005, 13:34:

to pedro no just with me she has a short fuse. thankyou everyone for trying to help

0 funny, 0 helpful.

riomagdalena says on May 28, 2005, 14:49:

Questions abpout Colombian women and traditions Since the question was asked about how Colombian women are....can someone tell me if some of these things are true?

Colombian women are

very emotional.............very docile (la paiasas), hard working; can become violent if pushed, very feminine, very private (doesn't like outsiders to know of what goes on in the house, etc)

Do any of you know of Colombian wedding and childbirth traditons? What about how Colombian women traditionally run their households (i.e. dinner, breakfast, raising the kids, caring for their husbands, etc)?

Thanks a million!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on May 28, 2005, 15:58:

I think the things you mentioned are true of some Colombian women and not true of others. PBH, home of the stereotype!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 28, 2005, 17:59:

Yes if I push my wife she will punch me, that is why I pull her instead. She doesn't like insiders knowing what goes on outside the house. Her privates are very feminine.

Traditionally they all have at least a few children before marriage, they won't let you know about all of them at first, perhaps they will have a little baby which is not easy to hide, but trust me they usually have a few more sprogs that they keep hidden until the relationship is well under way.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 28, 2005, 19:56:

God Kernow... Now that is a real stereotype. Look, if the woman likes a guy, I don't think it makes a difference from where they come,in that they often will not let the guy know right away about kids for fear that she may chase him away. If she does not care for him that much, she does not have a reason to hide how many children she has. American woman do the same thing. No matter how you look at it, woman who have children, especially more than one, have, as we Americans say, "too much baggage". To be honest with you, I am one of those guys who think that way. If I want a woman with children, I'll make my own. I don't need to import a women and her kids from Colombia and therefore buy an entire family. IF she is here already and is financialy independent, that is another story.

I kind of feel sorry for a woman who has 2 or more children and doesn't recieve support from the man (men) who fathered those children. Her chances of finding a man that is serious about having a long term relationship are substantially reduced

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on May 28, 2005, 21:43:

You're right, Gomezman. My wife's chances were 0 in Colombia as a widow with three kids.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 00:04:

UTC...did you say three kids??? Actually I remember you mentioning that a long time ago. She must think she won the lottery. Actually didn't you also say you had an additonal couple of kids with her. And you gave up practicing law? That's one for th books. You marry a woman with a bunch of kids, have a few more, and then you quit working. What do you live off of...your wives love and affection????

You are quite a guy UTC.....obviously have many hidden talents. I know. You won one of those big class action suits and got a huge multi million dollar contigency fee. So you took an early retirement and that's how you do it.

Congradulations ! Tell me how I can do the same....but I still will not marry a woman with three children. I would just like to retire.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte says on May 29, 2005, 05:35:

you're gonna eat those words, gomez..... they always say, "i wont......" ha! wait til you meet mrs wonderful, nice. then lets see what you say.

so what she has ten kids and no money. a big heart like yours and a desire to retire early....que importa? you'll just pitch in the work towel and stuff envelopes at home in between changing diapers. what difference will it make. ya'll be livin on love....

dw

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 07:49:

Douglas, let me tell ya something I have been hearing that story for at least 10 years. I am 46--almost 47. I am so used to living alone, (and love every minute of it) I don't even know how I could live with a woman, let alone a woman and her kids. I have walked away from dozens of women early on just because she has a kid. No kids for me. Not hers. Not my own. I can't afford it. I don't want the responsibility. I have my own health issues to deal with.

Lastly, as a lawyer who has done a lot of divorce work in the past,I learned how biased against the man the dovorce laws are in this country. I will NEVER.....NEVER, say those 4 or 5 "I Do's" that will lock me into one of the worst contractual realtions ever created. In any other area of law, the contract would not even be upheld in a court of law. They would call it an "Unconscionalble contract" and therefore hold that it is uneforcible or as us lawyers would say, it
is void "ab initio."

You can bet on what I am saying. And you can also bet that my sentiments will not change. I don't care if Ms. Colombia or her runner-up wants to marry me. No way. Never. Nunca. Jamas en la vida.

I think you get the message now. Right?

But you are right about one thing....I have a big heart. I give money to people in need, never expecting them to pay back. And almost all of those recipients have been women. I should not say that, now I will probably get all these PMs from women in need telling asking me for $$. Oh well.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

bufalo says on May 29, 2005, 10:43:

Here´s my two cents. One thing I noticed in Colombia is that child abuse, sexual abuse, parents who don´t give a shit where there children are even if they (girls) are out with men who are twice their own age.... is very prevalent. Most girls I knew in colomiba by 16-20: were either pregnant, had one or more abortions, had one or more children (usually by different men), had sex with one or more married men, had sex with family members (sometimes consentual, sometimes not), sexually/Phisically assaulted/abused (again,sometimes by family memebers), dated/sex with married men (usually know they are married)... you get my point. It is very difficult for poor people in Colombia to get out of poverty, and for those that have spent time there know, a lot of time the people there don´t even realize they are poor. Women in colombia do not have the same chances for a carrer as those that live elsewhere, sorry to say, but it is true. Now, you take one of thesewomen who were one or more of the following: beaten as a child and/or used for sex, you bring them to the states where they realize that women there actually have carrers. Christmas time is just like in "Home Alone", there´s (usually) nobody coming on to them 10 times a day, she sees your family and see that they actually give a shit about you, sees people who are "poor", but can afford a car and a house or at least an apartment. She hears people complaining that their car is a piece of shit orthat their house is a mess,etc. and thinks about how she lived in colombia and how she wishes her family had that "piece of shit/ dirty house". Blah, blah, Blah. She knows noone in the states, doesn´t speak to good, how old is she? how will she start a job, let alone a carrer?..... She may get really jealous and feel fucked over when she compares herself to others. Some can handle this and get working and do great, but some don´t. either way, it can be like moving to Mars and just really stressful. She also might not be able to get used to it. I know, there are a lot of things here, and I can write a lot more and go off on a million tangents, but I hope I get just a little of my very complicated point across. Not necesarily only a Colombian thing, but when you look at the level of poverty and compare it to cultural....mmm "practices"? it is or can be very colomian. I´ve seen it in a ñlot of women both in Colombia and those who went ot the us.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 29, 2005, 11:17:

bufalo I suppose it depends on the social status of the women somewhat. Amongst my wife's peers almost all the women have professional careers. These women are more like what we are used to in the USA, a woman who is equal and has a life outside of the home, who is not afraid to express her opinions.

I suspect that many men who go to Colombia end up being attracted to women for various reasons. Some will by choice navigate toward the poorer classes. I wonder if this is the ideal they are seeking, perhaps seeking a woman who is subserviant and will wait on them hand and foot? A woman who is looking for any means to escape poverty.

Others want an equal partner in life. The problem with dating the latter is that many of them don't want to leave Colombia because they enjoy a nice standard of living.

While I am of course generalizing, am I far off the mark?

Oh and another thing I noticed, the lower the economic standing the more likely the family is to have a TV in the living room. If the family somehow moves up the economic ladder do they suddenly stop putting the telly in the living room? Do maids always have names like Flor or Maria, or Luz whilst the employers have double names like Maria Cristina, Maria Teresa etc.?

I hope I don't come of sounding like some snob, nothing could be further from the truth, I am just observant and curious about all things Colombian.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

bufalo says on May 29, 2005, 11:49:

Very interesting about the TV and especially the names of maids and the bosses, I´m going to keep an eye out for that

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Desideria (Moderator) says on May 29, 2005, 12:22:

kernow, bufalo, Reading bufalo's previous post I had an impression he was talking about some other country, not Colombia, not that Colombia that I know so well or thought that I knew so well. That social decomposition he describes is totally unfamiliar to me, since even the poorest families I know look after their children, educate them at great costs sacrificing evertyhing else to further their children's chances for a better life.

Yes, there are families that are so desolute that they don't have any motivation or strength to keep a strict control on what their youngsters are doing, but I wouldn't call it the norm. There are street kids that have run away from home of one or two parents due to abuse and ill-treatment, but it's not what most of the poor families would wish for their children. In a country like Colombia there are a lot of sad stories, but there is also strength, cohesion and support within Colombian families f all walks of life. As a matter of fact, I consider the family as the most stable institution in Colombia.

They say in Colombia that "the necessity has the face of a dog" meaning that oftentimes people have to do things that they don't especially like, just to survive. That's the sad part of the life there, the narrowness of the choices for almost everybody. The children of the middle class (yes, there is a Colombian middle class, even if it's not quite as "middle" as in wealthier countries) are always well-taken care of, loved and cherished and educated beyond the means of the family.

The children of the upper classes also enjoy the support and protection of their families, are sent to best schools that the family can afford and an unwanted pregnancy or drug addiction is a major problem for the whole family that pulls together to solve the problem and to help the teenager.

The kind of social disolution of the family as an institution does occur only among the poorest, displaced or delinquent families. It's a serius issue that needs to be adressed, but it's not the norm of the Colombian society for raising up their children.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 12:24:

Kernow is correct Colombia is no different than any other Latin American country in that respect. For example, I was just in Mexico and I was talking to the manager of resrvations in a major hotel in downtown Guadalajara. she does not earn a lot of money by US standards but she has a proffessional position and the salary is still much better than average. Still she would never think of coming here. For what? to live in a place where she has no family..she does not know the language....does not understand the culture.....and therefore if she worked, it would be in the capacity as baby sitter, factory worker, or something along those lines. On the other hand, the pretty recammerra cleaning my room everyday, who earns nothing, gets a few tips, works ten hours or more a day, 6 days a week, would probably jump at the chance to come live in the states and jump to the every command of some gringo man.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 12:35:

Honestly Desi, I have traveled all over Latin America, and I would agree with what you say, but in terms of family cohesion, Mexico is somewhere between the middle or below by Latin American standards. Central American and specifically Mexican families are much much more cohesive than Colombian families. That assertion applies whether the family the family is rich or poor. In fact, I am sadened to see just how frgile the Colombian families are here in this country. Here in Chicago, Mexican families still maintain close ties to a greater degree than Colombian families do. My Colombian people get to this country and they in not so subtle ways start competing with each other which in the proceess causes them to insult each other in the process. Who is the first to buy the new car? One is better than the other because they have a better paying job. Buying better clothes and showing off to the rest of the family. All this is done in the process of causing long term rivalries and in the end bruised feeings that are not easily repairable.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

rona says on May 29, 2005, 13:02:

Gomezman5 - US Colombian families' oneupmanship - Gomezman5 - but don't you think that is more in the lines of that old American adage of "keeping up with the Jones'" - every immigrant group does that. I see it more as part of the assimilation process.
As far as Colombian families (in the US) not being close, I beg to differ; we're just adjusting to SOME cultural norms here.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

bufalo says on May 29, 2005, 13:47:

I see it more like Gomezman5, Colombians I know in the states are quite competitive. The new car and clothes and all. I know several people that have family that could use money in Colombia and the relatives in the states won´t send it. One son will spend 100-200 bucks every saturday in a club, but he won´t spend 5$ for a phone card to call his mom. It could just be the group I knew, but I also knew a lot outside the principal group I hung around in NY and I saw the same. One guy (sorry to say, but fact is fact) who was dealing would have no problem buying all his friends dinner, spending a grand or two, just to show off. His wife/girlfriend would buy like a $400 hat or something ridiculous, then throw it away next week. They never sent anything home, and the girl would sometimes cry saying she knew her mom was poor!
As far as families are in Colombia, when Isee the government advertising "Colombia un pais para los niños" on TV I have to laugh. Never have I seen so many parents who could care less about their children. Don´t get me wrong, there are a lot that do, maybe even most, and the ones that do go out of their way more so than what I see in the states. Its just that the ones that don´t, really don´t, and I don´t see the government diong much, even though it is probably and impossible job. I´ve seen too many cases of child abuse, same family sex, forced child labor,15 year old girls dating 40 year old men, I´ve seen moms push their daughters into dating men who are married, suggesting they go into prostitution. Again, don´t get me wrong, I see a lot of good there, but the amount fo the negative and the extent of it still impresses me.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 13:58:

Unfortunately Rona...... I can't agree with you. Not at all. My experience with Colombians and Mexicans are about equal here in Chicago. Newly arrived Colombians often think in very individualistic terms here. Whereas Mexicans think collectively. The best example I can think of is how Colombian people, (both legal and illegal) come here, get a low to moderate paying job, and insist on going out to buy a new car. (NEW as in NEW). Even though they have no credit, no papers, and alike, they manage to find someone to cosign and therefore buy the car, paying an exhorbitantyl high interst rate, just for the purpose of driving around in a new car. Mexican people, go out and buy something that has wheels, looks like junk, and gets them where they need to go. They realize that it is more important to help the family unit either here or by sending the $ back to Mexcio. It astonishes me when I see Colombian people with take homr pay of $900-1200 a month and yet they have no problem taking on a car note that costs them $550 dollars a month just to show off their new cars. Sorry, I am not saying that this does not happen in the Mexican family unit, but not nearly to the extent that it does with Colombians. Mexicans will often stand in the cold waiting for a bus for several months, saving the 500-900 dollars that they neede to by a old car that does not look very nice, but often gets them where they nedd to go for quite some time. Colombians buy the new car, pay %15 interst so that the chevy cavalier that costs them $15,000 ends up costing them $25000 after the interest is factored in. To make matters worse, when they want to get a new car thre or four years down the road, they can't sell the car or trade it in because they paid stickeer price (too much) with so much outstanding on the loan, they end up with what is known as an "upside down" loan because the actual fair market value is worth less than the amount that is needed to pay off the car.

This has happened to three Colombian families who have come to me for legal advise in the Last month. Maybe because the Mexicans here have more guidance from the groups for newly arrived Mexicans. I tell these
people don't buy new cars, but they do it anyway.

That is the major difference between Mexican thinking and Colombian thinking. Hey....just yesterday, I told a Colombian family that wanted a computer to go to a store where they sold excellent "off lease" commercial grade computers for 200-300 dollars. They wanted a computer to surf the net. So what are they going to do....they are going to go to Best Buy and buy a P4 with all the bells and whistles.
So stupid. Anybody who buys a P4 to to surf the net is a fool. They ask my advise but because I tell them to buy something used and three years old, they ignore my advise. I send Mexicans there all the time,and they never have a problem .

It's just a way of thinking...

0 funny, 0 helpful.

rona says on May 29, 2005, 14:43:

I think they're just misguided folks . . . Wow! - I live in the NYC metropolitan area and my circle of Colombian friends are nothing like that . . . $400 on a hat??!! A grand or two for dinner??!! . . . I'm not cheap, I like my Smith and Wolensky steak dinners w/a good Cabernet every now and then, but I still know the value of a dollar . . . now I think we all can agree that in order to live in the states you have to be competitive and hungry - but I don't think you have to compromise your values . . . I have family in Colombia that I help out, I speak everyday to my relatives and send care-packages every now and then.
I feel that these folks you described are just selfish people who have never had anything in life and show-off to compensate for their lack of class.
I grew up poor here in the US, but now that I've acheived a few things in life doesn't mean that I turn my back on those who've guided and helped me along the way.
I attribute my success & values EXCLUSIVELY to my COLOMBIAN upbringing.
Unconditional love, unforgiving discipline and dogged determination.
bufalo - of course there are serious problems in Colombian society, but I see poverty as the common denominator in that society's ills - unfortunately EXTREME POVERTY in a lot of cases -

0 funny, 0 helpful.

rona says on May 29, 2005, 14:53:

Gomezman5 - I've seen it too, I think I may have some insight . . . I may have some insight on that thinking - let me know what you think . . . I had an aunt come here last year, she worked off the books and I helped her out with airfare, she wanted to buy some things for her daughters, however when I took her to places where she could get say for example the same pair of jeans for 75% off retail, she would hesitate - but if she saw the same jeans at full price - she'd jump at the chance . . . I didn't get it, but then I overheard her say something about getting the "real" XYZ brand jeans and being proud to pay more for it . . . this is probably a stretch but maybe pride has something to do with it - you know the "nothing is too good for my kid" attitude -

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on May 29, 2005, 15:07:

My wife's network of Mexicana friends all stick together and help each other as much as they can. It's a big network that extends to their families and friends. We kind of float on the edge of the network, helping where we can and being helped without being consumed by it.

Never say never Gomezman! When I saw my wife's face on amigos she could have had 10 kids - I knew it was our destiny for us to be together. She is the most beautiful woman on earth.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 29, 2005, 17:46:

I think there was a post a few months back that showed the amount of money Colombians do send back home to their family, it was not a trivial amount by any means. I think it was in a newspaper article from Fort Lauderdale that Miamimike posted.

We never send money to family in Colombia, because they have a good life there already. However we do send gifts on a regular basis and we do send money to some Colombian charities. When the Florida State Troopers call begging for money I tell them I just sent money to the children in Colombia who need my money more than they do.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 21:13:

Rona.... I can't figure it out. There is this place here called Village Thrift. It's a second hand store. They have 11 stores. It is owned by a bunch of people from India. They have a lot of junk. But they have some great second hand clothes that are just like new. They even have some new clothes (tags and all). A few months ago I bought some new all cotton "no wrinkle" Levy Docker's for $6.00. If they were used they would have been $2.50 - $3.00. It was funny. I wear a 40 waist (really 39) and a 28 and 1/2 lenght. They never come that short. So I have to buy a 30 lenght and then have them shortened. The pants cost me $6.00, but the alteration to shorten the pants cost me $8.00. My point is, I have no debt...0, nada. No credit card debt either...nothing. I could easily afford to buy new ones for $49.00. But I like a deal too. When I take the newly arrived Mexican to the stores, they thank me forever. Last fall, a guy bought a London Fog (made in Colombia by the way) with a zip out lining for $12. It was so nice...like new. When I USED to take the Colombians there, the first thing they would do, when they walk in is complain about the way the store looks. It is ugly. It looks like a wharehouse. It does not have any decorations, no halogen lighting. It has green and white Lanoleum tile, with ugly old fashioned flourescent lighting. They see all the Indian employees walking around in their Sari's with the dots on their foreheads, and they immediately want to leave. I tell them.."ignore the surroundings and lets look at what's in the racks." Guess what....they will not even look. They say "Vamanos".

Even my cousin Lili who came in from Bogota' did it to me last October. Damn it I thought. This girl barely has a pot to piss in.. I'm in a far better position than her to go to these first line stores, but.......ah shit...what's the use. You know, when I used to work in the Cook County Sheriff's office, I used to go to the subsidized housing units in Chicago to do evictions. (That was fun). Almost everyone there was black (%99.9). The stupid fools were paying next to nothing in rent. It's called section 8 housing. They would be paying between $90 and 150 a month for a nice 2 bed room apartment. The idiots would not pay the rent and get evicted. But when I went into the apartments to evict, I would see large 27 and 30 plus inch Sony TV's. Nike shoes. Expensive video cameras. Computers with dozens of computer games, and yet they could not pay their rent. The Colombians think the same way. Image Image Imag.....Go Figure

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 21:17:

Really...that would piss me off My tax dollars would go to help these people with subsidized housing, and then they would be spending their money on luxury items that is NOT NEEDED! But they are so stupid. They had the Federally apporved Section 8 certificate, which is the best deal in this country if any of you know anything about section 8, and yet these idiots couldn't pay the rent. The people who lived in the same unit next door in the same building would be paying $800 a month, whereas the people with the section 8 certificate would be paying $150. How stupid can you be??? Stupid enough to buy sohpisticated electronic items before the rent was paid.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 21:26:

UTC READ MY LETTERS::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

N-E-V-E-R

J-A-M-A-S

What else do you want me to say?

Look, you went to Amigos and found the love of your life. And, you being the nice guy that you are, deserve her and I hope she appreciates you and what you have done for her and her three kids. But.............

You had to marry her for her to come here permanently (legally) and legally be employed.

My ex girlfriend was the exception. She came here from Colombia, on an Hb1 visa, and a couple years later her empoyer sponsored her for her permanent residency. She had the best profession there is to get into this country....she is a physical therapist. If you are a PT, and you are fluent in English, you get in here yesterday. Ironically we broke up. And why???? She wanted to marry me and I would not.....Get it UTC?

IT will NEVER HAPPEN......NEVER......NEVER.....NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may eat my words on a lot of things....But it will not be on this issue. Bet on it!!!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 29, 2005, 21:58:

Gomez my wife used to be like that, but I know all the thrift shops in my area and I make very good money buying from thrift shops and selling on eBay, easily enough to pay for a nice month in England each year. One day we were going out to eat lunch and I pulled into a thrift shop, I said I am just going in to look at the cameras, she tagged along. She ended up with a brand new Neiman Marcus leather jacket for $20. Now, she doesn't mind tagging along on occasion.

In England we hit all the thrift shops (charity shops), I have purchased brand new Irish sweaters, used but barely leather jackets, brand new rugby jersey for just a few Pounds.

I am cheap but with good taste.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 22:28:

Good for you Kernow....and your wife I an happy that she has not developed the "I hit the big time attitude" or the keepiong up with the Jones (OK Restrepos') attitude. Restrepo is a big town Colombian last name. You will not find any in Mexico, unless they have some Colombian heritage in them.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on May 29, 2005, 23:24:

It Varies here in Miami Many Cuban woman have this keep up with the Jones' mentality but not all. Amongst the other Latin Nationalities it seems like a split.One good friend of mine from Bogota buys at the Thrifts for herself and also for the clothing she resells in Bogota-though she swears she will KILL me if I ever reveal this to her family, friends and customers in Bogota.She buys good used brands of Clothing here and then passes it off as NEW in Bogota. Another friend of mine from Peru has no qualms buying at the thrifts and uses money wisely. In the 5 years she has been here she has saved and sent enough money back to Lima to buy a Lot and has built a large New 2 story house which she plans to retire in--at times she invites me out and picks up the Restaurant Tab for our meal.I have done her favors also but she is a rare find among Latinas.She has not wasted her hard earned money on new cars, new designer clothing-all things that lose value from Day One; one doesn't mind helping out such a person(at least I don't-my humble opinion only)Hey Gomezman-those Plan Ocho people really get a great deal-I have several retired Cubans who get this and then they INVITE their 30--50 yr. old grandchildren to live with them -usually for free while we taxpayers pick up the Bill-what a great country!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 29, 2005, 23:53:

Yea Mike Some great deal.....For Joe "Tax Payer"

Great Deal

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 05:59:

I believe there is a logical explanation why you see more Mexicans sending money home. It is much much easier for the very poor people of Mexico to come to the US to work. Not so for the very poor Colombians, how would they get to the US, as a mule, marrying a gringo? As a result the percentage of very poor Colombians in the US would be lower, so you are actually getting more middle-class Colombians moving here. Therefor their families in Colombia are probably better off than those Mexican's families.

Just my theory.

Having worked at the Mexican Consulate here in Orlando and of course knowing a good many Colombians in the area, I am fairly certain that the two groups come from vastly differing economic backgrounds.

I only know a few very poor Colombians or I should say from poor families. They were all involved in the drugs trade, so were far from poor and they did send money home to their families in Colombia. The crazy thing was they also like to send stuff like bikes for the kids, microwave ovens, TVs, why on earth they did this was beyond me. One time they asked my wife to take something to Bogotá when she flew down for her Lasik, it turned out to be a microwave oven, needless to say it didn't make the journey!

Another time they sent down a suitcase of toys and clothes for the kids, my wife in the excitement of seeing her mother and sister at the airport left the suitcase... she realised the next day. Guess what those thieving crooked Colomnbians had done, not a thing, the bag was safe and sound with security.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 07:32:

This pdf file tends to support my assertion that the majority of Colombians who are moving to the US are not from poor backgrounds.

http://136.142.158.105/Lasa2003/CollierMichael.pdf

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on May 30, 2005, 08:04:

Relax, Gomezman, I was just teasing you. BTW, my wife is a chemical engineer so I did all right.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 09:21:

Ok UTC...... Congradulations to you. Hey, you are an too inteligent to marry someone who would be anything less than a true proffesional. Good for you.

But most of the fools in this country are just trying to marry the girl who looks the hottest and has the thinest thong hanging up over their low undersized jeans. Education, and profession are not much of an issue. Just check out those web sites. They don't mention much about education. The emphasis is on how one sexy pose can better the previous one

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 09:33:

Kernow Mexicans more poorer than Colombians ??? Come on. Of course the Colombians appear more wealthy than Mexicans. They need a visa to come here and you cannot get a visa if your poor.
Colombians by and larget get here by entering the Colombia legally and then they overstay their visas. Some go the Central America - Mexico route but they are very few indeed.

You have to keep in mind that Mexico is a much much larger country with many more people. They can cross the border without too much of a problem as well. If Colombian people coud do the same, they would be enptying out of there in droves to come here.

No way. There is one simple fact however, the amount of Mexicans that come here in comparison to the population of Mexico is quite few. Also, the quality of life and standard of living in Mexcio's major metropolitan centers is still better than it is in Colombia. The Mexicans that cross our borders are predominant under or poorly educated Mexicans from the country side. There is a reason why that Mexico City with it's 22 to 25 million people (at that number what differnece does the population make) is not well represented in the US. Most of the people in Mexcio city and in Guadalajara, for example stay there if they have and education. My friend is a hotel manager in Guadalajara. Do you think she wants to come here to work in a factory or clean houses?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 09:55:

Gomez re-read my post, I was talking about the ones who are in the US, not the country of Mexico as a whole. I was simply saying that the ones here send money home because their families need it more than do the families of the Colombians who come here.

I was making this point because it was implied that Mexicans are closer to their families than are Colombians. I think they are both very close to their families and the fact that one sends more money home is totally an unrelated issue.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

aaronfromus says on May 30, 2005, 10:07:

For sexiness or education... Hey Gomezman I agree. So many of those websites have these sexy ladies but mention nothing about any education. I agree it is a big mistake for guys here to try to get the sexiest colombiana they can. But, I don't know that I would say it is a safer bet if the colombiana has a university degree. There are plenty of women in the U.S. that have university degrees. In fact, the ratio of men to women has now shifted so that there are more women than men in U.S. universities. Yet, in spite of the high level of education U.S. women attain, they continue to leave their husbands in droves. I think an arguement could even be made that the higher a woman's education the more likely she is to leave her husband. But, I digress.

I think looking for the sexiest woman is a mistake. I think looking for the best education is a little better. But I think the best thing, by far, is to look to her personality, attitudes on family and attitudes on marriage. i.e. Does she always complain about what she doesn't have? Does she like to argue a lot and is she confrontational? Does she believe her husband and children come before everything else? Does she believe what happens in the home should stay in the home? Is she easily influenced by other women? Is she insecure in her womanhood, always wanting to compete with men, and always believing she is equal to a man? (ya, I know that one was taboo) Just some thoughts.

I also want to say congradulations to Utopia. Sounds like you got a good one.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 10:23:

I understood your point I was just adding that Mexicans in Mexico have more money, and live better, than Colombians that live in Colombia. I understood your point. I was just making an additional point as to why only the poor Mexican come here and not the wealthier ones. Thee statistics about Colombians here are meaningless. Because unless they are like my ex girl friend, or UTC'c wife, (a proffessional) Colombian pool all their money together so they can find a way to cover the costs and expense of one of their family members coming here to work to send money back home. Like I said, of course they are not too poor, or they would not be able to get a visa in the first place. So, if you need the money to obtain a visa, as opposed to crossing a border without papers, it stands to reason that these people are going to be more well off. Or no?

Look wealthy people from third world or quasi third world countries never have the desire to come her to live permanently. They may purchase a second home in Miami, but they maintain their personal residence in their country of oirgin. If you are a wealthy guy from Colombian, why would you want to live here wehre the costs are drastically higher. That is why so many grigos retire to Mexico. Mexico as more retired Americans than any other country in the world. And they seem to do quite well there. I would not trust their medical system which makes it all the more ironic since retiree's generally need medical care more than younger people do.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 10:34:

My point is That there are enough things going against any indidual as they enter a new relatonship. That includes the girl that you meet at the corner grocery store but lives down the block. Why would you want to complicate matters by dealing with ............oh what's the use?

Look aaronformus, if one were to look for the quality of person by using the standards that you set forth (which I tend to agree with), then why not just look for a lady right in your own back yard. For goodness sakes, how are you going to understand these types of traits when a person cannot even speak the same language? Cultural differences. Humor dirrerences. A woman missing her family and support structure. To me...it's just stupid. It is like constructing a building without laying the foundation. I read such silly stuff here. I cannot believe the people even believe what they write sometimes.

If you want a nice match, look close to home. Be smart.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 10:56:

If you want a nice match, look close to home. Be smart.

Very good point, and I lucked out, I found a bright, funny, educated, attractive, honest, hardworking, sexy Colombiana right here in Orlando. She would be the perfect woman if she could cook! ja ja.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

aaronfromus says on May 30, 2005, 11:21:

Broke the mold It would be easier if you could find these qualities in your own backyard. But, I now firmly believe that these qualities do not exist in my own backyard (or even if they did, they are nearly impossible to find). Perhaps they did exist in my grandmother's generation, but not now, not here. Apparently, someone broke that mold years ago. I do, however, believe that if you expand the scope of your search, it might be easier to find someone with these qualities. I would never suggest someone try to find a woman without being able to communicate. It would also be easier if no one ever needed to build a support structure in a new country.

I would say, if you want a nice match you need to be smart. But being smart may mean looking beyond your own backyard.

But, your points are well taken Gomezman.

And, Congradulations on finding a good one kernow!

Aaron

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 12:00:

11 happy years and counting Aaron.

Seriously, I think it is a good idea for guys in the US to look at the Latinas already in the US. They aren't all spoiled once they arrive in the US, many retain their endearing qualities after they move here. The only problem is the field is not so tilted in the gringo's favour. Whilst in Colombia the women will be all over you, the same might not be true at home in the US.

Since I have been married I meet fantastic Colombianas here in Orlando all the time. Oh well I am happy with the one I have.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 12:27:

"Whilst in Colombia the women will be all over you, the same might not be true at home in the US."

Quote: Kernow62

And that is exactly one of my points!!! They love you when you are in Colombia.....anything to get out of the country. And then they get to places like Orlando and Chicago, where there are sizable Colombian Communities, and then chao,,,aios. They miss their people. They miss their culture. The language problem is a real problem. So the net result is that they find some local Colombian to ease their transition. Doesn't it make sense Aaron? Except for your long distance calls and a few visits, the girl does not really know you that well. Why should she stay with you when she can hang out and make the transitions with someone from your own culture???

Unfortunately, guys who have burned like this never come on this web site. Nobody comes here to talk about their failures. You only hear the one sides stories about how great it is to zip down to Colombia and find your perfect match.

No Aaron. I'm not convinced that your suceesses are greater abroad then they are in your own back yard. I agree with Kernow. Find a Colombian or any othe woman here.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 12:30:

And Kernow...... You say she can't cook??? Well, than you are both in trouble. She can't cook, and you are poisoning your wife with the lamb's kidneys. I may meet you for a beer some day. But I don't think I will be too interesting in eating at the Kernow residence too soon....Not that I have been invited or anything. It's just that things don't sound to apetizing on your home front

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Desideria (Moderator) says on May 30, 2005, 12:35:

and once again, I'll have to agree with gomezman. There's nothing better ever invented than the old fashioned way of getting to know each other: meeting in person, spending time together, getting to know each other gradually in your own natural environment. Internet relationships occasionally work out and produce lasting commitments between people, but I wonder if there is any study done about the failure percent of the cybermatches...

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

0 funny, 0 helpful.

rona says on May 30, 2005, 12:41:

Desi, I'm sure there is but the agencies probably have lobbied t to keep that under wraps - don't forget you're talking about a lot of money involved here

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 12:43:

For those who don't know what the hell Gomez is talking about, we have been having a bit of a chat on PM about the wonderful English dish, steak & kidney pie. Gomez doesn't think it sounds too appetizing.

I was thinking of heading to a local pub for just such a pie and watch the friendly between Colombia and England. Anyone in Orlando want to join me? They have steak and mushroom pie, chicken and mushrrom pie, and a few other dishes that are all prepared really well. Even the veggies are not cooked to mush like the common perception of pub grub.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 12:52:

Kernow...lamb's kidney and steak pie---Yiiicch!!! maybe if you would consider a Colombian restaurant, I would even fly down for the game. Look. In this country....(with Chicago being a restaurant city rivaled by few others) people just don't get into English food. We never hear anything good about it. We have great Italian food from all parts of Italy. French. German (I love German food). Greek. You name it...food froma all over the world, and it's authentic too, here in the USA. But I never, ever hear anyone say: "Let's go eat some English food for dinner." Sorry Kernow, you will have too yield on this one. Your culinay delicacies simply have not caught on in the USA and I doubt if they have in any other part of the world for that matter

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 13:27:

That is true. I will concede that point. However London has more first class resturants than any city in Europe. However they don't cook traditional English food for the most part.

Americans aren't familiar with anything other than fish n chips, or perhaps shepherds pie. You haven't lived until you've had stargazey pie. Baked beans on your pizza, deep fried Mars bars. Dipped a Penguin in your tea.

I contend we also have the best potato chips in the world, where else do you get these flavours smokey bacon, cheese and pickled onion, curry, baked beans, prawn cocktail, spring onion, salt and vinegar.

Go to any Irish pub, the food you eat will be essentially the same as you would eat in England. It is good basic stick to your ribs stuff. Americans won't have any trouble embracing Irish food.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Gomezman5 says on May 30, 2005, 13:30:

Ok Kernow.......enough for the day. I will stick with a good old fashioned Chicago style Kosher hot dog.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte says on May 30, 2005, 14:13:

i'm with you marcos... kidney pie? that's just an affront to cuisine.

i never could eat liver, either...i mean, the pee filter? and kidney? MY GOD!

common kernow, of course she can't cook. why do you think she married you. because you were confused over her tastes. i can hardly get the words outta my mouth ...k i d...n e y pie? PIE? COMMON! apple pie, peach pie, chocolate cream pie, lemon merangue...but kidney???

my wife does it to me...she eats mondongo...and blood sausage...puke.

oh GOD, here it comes...beetlejuice, beetlejuice...beetl....who said kidney pie?

you and maria come over here and my wife in her humble egotistical way will treat you to something really tremendous...maybe even strange, but not kidney pie.

marcos, you, too, common over, we'll all eat, mountain oysters. yum

dw. for ya'll that don't know, mountain oysterslamb balls. yum

0 funny, 0 helpful.

dwmte says on May 30, 2005, 14:16:

now that i think of it.... i'll bet male orange probably surprised his wife on their honeymoon with kidney pie...for breakfast...hmmmmmm. yummy.

i mean, hunter's an old bloke, does he eat that stuff?

hunter!? weighin on this. kernow's trying to woo gomez with kidney pie. beetle juice, beetlejuice

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colonial says on May 30, 2005, 14:26:

seek professional help It sounds like she is unhappy and feels trapped. You are the root of her unhappiness and she is taking it out on you. Seek professional help. If she refuses to see a professional counciller, my advice is to see a family law attorney immediately.

On a long shot maybe you could act like a tought guy from the "hood", "barrio", or trailor park. Maybe she only respects strong aggressive type A gangster types. Do not hit her as I assure you she has been made aware by her friends that one call to the police will buy you a whole lot of trouble.

I'll say a prayer for you.



Sorry for your troubles,

I have been to Bogota, Cali, & Pasto. I visited once for work & once for vacation. I'm 51, so I stay away from the party spots. I mainly enjoy meeting the locals and experiencing their culture. I am self employed and will be looking into selling cons

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kernow62 says on May 30, 2005, 14:28:

What about stargazey pie. Mmmm. Lots of fish heads poking up through the pastry. A pretty dish ever there was one.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Tinto (Moderator) says on May 30, 2005, 14:47:

Or maybe she thought the deeply discounted ones were counterfeit...?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Tinto (Moderator) says on May 30, 2005, 14:52:

Even worse, is a lot of those dining room sets, ugly sectional sofas and big screen TVs are rented by low income people and new immigrants. They end up paying about 3x retail at the rent-to-own stores.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

flaleo says on May 31, 2005, 06:15:

You're right, London has great restaurants - Indian, Lebanese, Japonese, Thai, Italian... but if you're going to argue that English food ranks anywhere with the best foods of the world (remember, the top 10 list only has 10 on it's list) then IMO you're way wrong.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

TioJoe says on May 31, 2005, 06:49:

Not the Colombia I know "One thing I noticed in Colombia is that child abuse, sexual abuse, parents who don´t give a shit where there children are etc" -- This certainly this could describe almost anywhere in the USA as well -- My wife of 13 years was a ballet teacher when we met in Bogota -- Yes there is a loss of self esteem to contend with in the first years of living in a new country -- do what I did send her back to college -- it kept her busy for a couple of years and now she is one of the few bi-lingual occupational therapists in the area where we live AND she makes more money than I do now -- be patient and supportive -- it does not happen in a day

0 funny, 0 helpful.

bufalo says on Jun 1, 2005, 13:08:

tio joe Yes, it could be anywhere in the usa as well, but it goes on a lot more in Colombia. Not to sound arrogant, just wondering how much time you spent in Colombia, and where. I have found very few women who did not experience the stuff I talked about in colombia. Very good idea about sending her to college. I did the same thing, sort of, we moved to Spain so she can get her master´s and it´s costing a bundle (but hey, she´s happy). We´ll be going back to colombia soon, I don´t see here liking it too much in NY although after all the culture and movement of Barcelona, we might get bored there and then go to NY anyway, who knows? I just want to finally not have to live out of a suitcase - live in 3 countries in three years, 2 of the countries twice, that doen´t incluce trips here and there. Not rich, just thththththtrrrrrrifty!

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

0 funny, 0 helpf