My Trip to Visit My Novia in Tulua - Unexpected Experience!!! But Happy Ending!!

bufalo says on Apr 1, 2005, 23:13:

I´m so glad that everything woked out so well on your trip. You and only you know your whole situation so please, if some of my comments seem out of line, just ignore them. I have had serveralo friends who have done similar things in Colombia and not all have worked out well. This was the only post of yours that I read so I don´t know how the story started. It seems to me that you guys met not too long ago, how long was it? Are you sure marraige is the right thing now? I mean, you didn´t even meet her dad and your carrying his coffin? You cried with the family? Why would a family let someone into such a tight circle when they just met him? (Again, Idon´t knowmaybe you met them before). "It was such a touching moment! Then they hurried us off to a notoria to begin the process. In about 8 to 10 days, my novia will receive our marriage license!" Hurried you off, I don´t know sounds a bit odd to me. I hope you or they just aren´t cought upp in emotions. After all, your not even going to be there for the wedding? why not? My experience in Colombia is that before you make a big decision, especially one that will affect the rest of your life, check things out a little first and choose with your head. Colombians tend to fall in love really fast. I´m no prize, not saying I am, but I´ve been offered marraige several times, offered to have children with people and had to insist on condoms several times. I didn´t buy "no, I can´t get pregnant" (yeah, and what about disease, hon?)
Again, I´m glad yu had a good time, judge my coments for what they are - by someone wh hashad experience there, but doesn´t know thesituation 100% hope all works out well. Most people thought mine was shaky, but they didn´tknow and everything is fine.
PS I do suggest you marry in Colombia and apply for her US residency (assuming you´ll live in the US or Canada or wherever) in bogota, it is a lot faster. You can get by the marraige in colombia visa by getting married in a church, where they might not ask for it, then send the paperwork to the notary where they have to accept it. We did this on accident and it worked out well.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 2, 2005, 06:36:

My situation was fairly similar to the posters. After corresponding and chatting on Yahoo for a couple of months, I met my wife and proposed to her on that same trip. On my second trip a few months later, we got married. That was almost two years ago and we are still very much in love. So every situation is different. Some of them work out and some don't. Only you know what's best for you.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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dwmte says on Apr 2, 2005, 06:55:

nice post cowboy... it's the truth. when it comes to marriage, you're on your own. nobody can call those shots for you.

in my personal opinion, friend, i wouldn't on a bad bet let some one stand in for me in my marriage. what? no, no, no. this is marriage, and it's yours. there are no 'doubles' for that job.

you can't be in such a hurry as to have some body you barely met or even if you knew them all your life. they're not marrying your wife, you are...or you're supposed to be marrying her.

take your time...you have the whole rest of your life to get it done, don't make this critical...almost comical...error.

i've been married to my colombian wife for over 15 years. there have been easy times and hard times. i wouldn't trade if for something better, i love it just the way it is...it's totally human.

we all wish you the best.....just throw away the 'other' best man idea, it's ni plus ultra.

dw

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bbattiste says on Apr 2, 2005, 07:36:

Married a Colombiana 3 weeks ago I met my wife more than a year ago and visited her 7 times before getting married. We were married in a Church before many of her family and friends and some of my family too. It was such a great experience, but the wait for her to come to the US is no fun. It has only been 3 weeks, but it seems like 3 years.

It is true, Colombians fall in love very quickly. I met my wife while visiting an american family in Colombia. We hung out nearly everyday for a week and then emailed each other after that once I returned to the US. In her second or third email she asked me if it is possible I could have love for her because she was in love with me. I was flattered and visited her several more times before marriage. But since I knew I loved her too, I knew marriage was the best thing. Now I am happily married to a Colombian who still lives in Colombia. Anyway, we are hoping there are no problems with our paperwork and that she will be her in 6 months or so.

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dwmte says on Apr 2, 2005, 08:25:

my heart really goes out to all of you.... i read/hear all these painful stories of waiting, problems, turn-downs, etc. it just breaks my heart.

i don't know why they give ya'll so much fricken grief. when my wife and i were married 15-16 yers ago, it was so easy. you still had to go to bogota and deal with the establishment...the old u.s. embassy, et al, but in three days, if all your papers were in order, it was a done deal. you even had your green/pink card. can you believe it.

when our daughter was born, in three days we had her citizenship papers. it's so differrent now. i feel so sorry for all of you.

everything there is a damn lucha. go to this office, get this paper, go to that office have it signed, go to the notary have it stamped, go to d.a.s. pay them off, take the paper to the embassy, kiss ass, and on and on and on....

sure am glad that's all behind us.

they even put us through hell when our son died...assholes. he's buried in las palmas.

good luck dealing with the powers that be.

dw

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eagle46 says on Apr 2, 2005, 11:45:

My Reply to My Trip Hi All,

Yeah it seemed like things were "rushed" if you define them that way, even my folks thought that I "rushed" things. But that has always been my style. Maybe bad, maybe good. I don't know. Someone suggested to me that I go to Colombia and tkae out a lot of women and then make a decision to whom that I like. Well, that was not my style either!

When I saw my novia on the Internet after looking at many, many, many women on this particular web site, and other sites, someting in my heart "jumped" for her (when I first saw her). Now, I can't put on paper my emotions or that "special feeling" either, but she was always my first choice. And I know it was a real feeling that I had. Then I said to myself, if I can't make correspondence with her, or if she is not interested, or don't respond to my letter (I did not even send a picture the first time), I had decided not to pursue any more women in Colombia. That was my decision! Bad or good, that is what I decided. I was only interested in her! Well, when she responded to my first letter (and she was the ONLY woman that I wrote, I did not solicit other addresses), I was very excited to meet her. Now at that point, as time developed and as our conversation and interests developed, we both decided that whatever happens, happens, whether we continue the relationship or not. And we did not want to pressure each other into anything. Actually, she told me that if I wanted to be friends only, that was fine too.

As I said, things went very natural for us. Now, yeah, I don't care what anybody says about emotions, even in your decision making, logic is needed but you better believe that your emotions are probably what got you to pursue your novia in the first place!

I don't think that I made a "rush" decision. Maybe from the standpoint of "statistics", or how other folks make decisions. I had to follow my heart. But I do hope that it works out as I would hope that it would work out even if I took two, three, or four years. It just happened not to go that direction. Maybe for me, things are different than "most" folks. But I do appreciate the comments because I know that they are not meant to be critical but caring and constructive.

When I said "rushed us off" to the notoria, I didn't want to imply that there were some under lying motifs. Because I did not sense that at all. If you were there, it would have been easy for you to see how things actually materialized. I thought the whole thing was beautiful!

But I really am thankful for the comments. I think that is healty. I guess you had to be there to see how and what things went on, and how the whole situation turned out.

Something about me. I have never been someone to date long, nor have I ever had a bumch of girl friends, etc. Maybe this is just my style of sizing up "my mate to be" and then making a decision.

Or maybe I fall in love easy and quick too. Bad or good. It is just me. But when I see someone that I desire, and when we are together for some time, and if I am interested and they are feeling the same stongly, then it's a go for me.

I went on a few dates here in the states, been on numerous dating sites, etc. None of those "possible potential girls" were pinging my heart strings until I met my novia. So, I hope that it all works out. Maybe this time it was destiny!

Comments anyone???

Thanks

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dwmte says on Apr 2, 2005, 13:33:

well, brother.... i'll bet, to a man/woman, we're all happy for you and wish you all the best that 'fate' can bestow.

happy life and happy trails,

dw

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bufalo says on Apr 2, 2005, 13:48:

Met her through an introduction service, for me a big uh-oh. Question is also where willyou live. If in your home country US, Canada???? Will she be happy? She´s from Tuluá, not exactly the most well to do place (NOT going against Colombia here people, just being a bit realistic). Her life just changed extremely so for the better with no effort. I´ve seen this before (and yes, some worked out just great) Will she expect more of this? What will she do there? Again, YOUR situation, not being disrespectful, I wasn´t there. The differnce is is that I have seen a lot of relationships like this and a lot of guys kck themselves later on in life. It seems all romantic (you feel you can help her), then it getsmundane. I wish you the best, really do. gotta give it to you, you do sound determined. I was as well and people who didn´t believe in me on various occasions realized later that I knew what I was doing - well, luck also helps as well. Best of luck.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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eagle46 says on Apr 3, 2005, 07:11:

My Reply to Bufalo Bufalo,

Thanks for wishing me the best and thanks to all who wish me the best. And the best of life to you all.

Bufalo, you mentioned that meeting her through an introduction service for you is a "for me a big uh-oh". That's OK. I think that if you would have been there, met her and her family, despite all the other tragedy, I think that you may have a different view and thought about this girl. She is different, in that fact that we both have very similiar strong beliefs (Christian), like qualities, dislikes, and characteristics. Now I guess you say well how do I nkow this in two weeks? Well, I watched closely, we talked almost every day before I met her, wrote, etc. And those things we talked about stayed consistent with her actions. As for her, she is taking a risk too. But, the REAL proof in the pudding is when you live with someone! Even if you dayed for 2, 3, 4, years. Not to say the dating that long is bad, it just was never my style.

Your other comment: "Will she be happy?"

Heck, I do not know. Will I be happy if I didn't marry her? Will you be happy in two years from now? Who knows? I hope tha she will and myself also, and her daughter.

Here is what I saw. Maturity in her and commitment to her daughter and family, and a love for the Lord. Now, I think with those values, I hope that we as a family can tackle imes when we are not happy.

Your other comment:

She´s from Tuluá, not exactly the most well to do place (NOT going against Colombia here people, just being a bit realistic).

Bufalo, I was not look for a popular city to select a woman from. I hope that you read my last post so you can see how this whole thing unraveled. Now, maybe you have different criteria and that's OK. For me, my path was unique (to me). So I don't understand what you mean when you make that comment. I guess are you saying, (as they said in the Bible about Jesus), "What good thing can come out of Tuluá?" Hmmmmm???? Well I hope that I have the jewel of Tuluá!!!

But any way, thanks for wishing me the best. Hopefully, in 5 years from now, I won't have any regrets and I hope the same for you!

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eagle46 says on Apr 3, 2005, 07:40:

for Bufalo - In Addition Bufalo,

I forgot a few things you asked about. For now, we will live in the US. But who knows where we will end up. Life is strange, I try to keep myself adaptable to situations and changes.

Also, she is middle class and came from a family who at one time owned much land and houses in Tulua. But due to family issues, her father lost most of it.

Rich girl/poor girl. Not a problem for me. My first wife was dirt poor. So what. May be important for others. But we managed and did very well together.

ALso, you mentioned about Intro services... She was on a dating site like many Americans and other folks now a days. Folks meet each other in many different places. Just another way to advertise your interest. I did not use the Intro service only to get her address. She in turn sent me her phone number with no pressure to do anything but to be friends. I took the initiative to arrange things myself, me and her (not the service).

Guess what? And you will probably say that is a no no for you and most folks. Call it stupid or what. But this was a test for me to find out if I could trust her and see her real motives.

I sent her money in advanced for cabs, food, etc. She did a great job in planning (didn't steal my money), buying food to prepare, paying for taxies, busses, etc. That helped me in my decision as well.

So that is my story! :)

What's your story? Where do you live? Still satisfied?

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dwmte says on Apr 3, 2005, 07:58:

aguila.... from how it sounds out here in the peanut gallery, i feel by the heart test, you and your lady are gonna do just fine. there seems to be a ton of give and take involved and that's the cement that builds lasting structures. when one person's always right, it rarely works. when there's always a channel open to hear the other, there's always an open path ahead.

happy trails to both of you.

dw

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 3, 2005, 16:29:

Getting advice on this site about personal relationships is like asking your dog what you should do. He's going to do a lot of barking but what does he really know about it? You'll get all kinds of naysayers, God knows I did, but you have to trust yourself that you know what you're doing. They're not going to marry her or live with her, you are. I have the happiest marriage of anyone I know including a lot of naysayers and barking dogs.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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eagle46 says on Apr 3, 2005, 16:47:

My Response Again Utopiacowboy

U hit the nail right on the head, the foot, the hand, etc.... :) Yeah, folks will say all sorts of things. I am one to listen to "contructive" and I say "constructive" criticism, but even in that, you are right, I have to live with her and she with me! Bottom line is that I have to make my own decisions. What did bother me a bit was that Bufalo made a remark about people in Tulua. Hmmm. I wonder what was his motives for marriage??? The girl I met in my perceptions and time with her was great, consistant, and again consistant with my belief structure and character. Sometimes, some people do hide the way they. What you see is what you get. And that is how I am. What you see in me is what you get. And maybe the two of us saw that and we both liked what we saw.

Thanks Utopia for the encouragement and the words. I look forward to a happy, successful marriage! And wish you a long successful one too!

For dwmte

Thanks for the encouraging words of support. I wish you too a long happy, successful life! Nothing in life that is worth the value comes easy. Lots of elbow grease is needed!

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dwmte says on Apr 3, 2005, 17:00:

heh utopia... don't you listen to your dog?

hell, if i didn't listen to the dog, i'd have to listen all the time to the family...wife and daughter. not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that my dog talks about huntin and fishin, and the ladies don't. yeah, and they don't really enjoy a good drink with the guys, my buddies, now and then.

and you eagle, hell, you know the rules...you buy your ticket and you takes your ride.

steady as you go mate, it's a 'star course' to destiny. wave as you fly by.....

dw and the pbh gang.

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bufalo says on Apr 4, 2005, 15:51:

It seems you are a little upset from my responses. What you should understand is that you posted this part of your life in an internet forum where people respond with opinions and comments. If you wanted people to just say "Go for it", or "I´m with you" then just ask for that. If you reread my postings you will se that I have put several disclaimers in them. I even gave advice as to how to speed up the legal aspect of your marraige so the two of you could be together all that faster. The reason that I responded and asked questions is that I don´t believe you have any or practically any experience with Colombia. I have 15 years experience with Colombia and colombian people. I didn´t just backpack there for a month or so, I didn´t spend my time there teaching rich brats in an english speaking school, I also didn´t go there just to marry someone and spend limited time there with just her family. I have seen Colombia " after the honeymoon was over" if you understand me. A very, very different place than what most people in the US are used to (allthough very much changed in the past few years). I will tell you about it if you really want to know, but ask privately).
A few bulbs went off when I saw your posting. Not because I think you are a moron, not because I think you can´t make decisions, but rather that you might not have any experience with Colombia, I wanted to give you a little heads up. If you saw someone going to walk out a glass door and were unsure whether it was actually open or not and unsure whether they knew or not (maybe they did?) would you ask them to make sure? Or would you just think "Don´t get involved, just keep my mouth shut", letting them run the risk of splitting their head open? I think you would (ask, that is). That´s what I was trying to do.
As for my life, not that it is any of your business (I didn´t start a thread looking for opinions), well yes, I´m really happy. Much happier now that I´m married and more so after our daughter was born. I don´t eat as well, sleep as well, I´m missing some good movies, but hey, that´s what happens when you have a family and are concerned about them. I´m from NY, my wife is from Colombia, our daughter (almost 2 yrs.) was born in Colombia. We were married in Cuba (federal offense for a US citiczen to go there or something like that), then again in Colombia. we are currently living in Barcelona, Spain which we really don´t like too much (like I´m guilty for everything Bush is doing in the world for Pete´s sake) but we make do and look forward to return to Colombia before the end of the year.
Again, hope all the best for you.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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utopiacowboy says on Apr 4, 2005, 16:36:

A classic naysayer. I hear this constantly about the cultural differences and blah, blah, blah.... Maybe you've got 50 years of experience with Colombia but how many years of experience do you have with my wife? Zero! The first time I ever went to Colombia was when I went to meet her the first time. My second time in Colombia was when I married her. Recipe for failure, right? NOT! We are two individuals in love and we trust each other and we trust our feelings about each other. It's been two years and it's going to be a lifetime.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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bufalo says on Apr 5, 2005, 04:41:

This is specifically why I put so many disclaimers in my postings. This is also specifically why I said That it is YOUR (his) situation, not mine, I wasn´t there.
I never said recipie for failure.
And I never said "Nay!"
I have known many people who have done what you and eagle have posted and it worked out just fine, I do however know many that have not. I´ve read some of your postings, didn´t get a funny vibe, same with dannyherm (congrats again by the way), however, something about eagle´s posting gave me an odd feeling. Just thought I´d ask questions, he did after all post this on an internet forum. If he didn´t want responses then he shouldn´t have posted. Would you ask the person if they knew whether the door was closed? I think so. Glad to hear everything is great with you, allthough I already knew that from your other postings.

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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poco says on Apr 5, 2005, 08:32:

TULUA She´s from Tuluá, not exactly the most well to do place.

REALLY ?

Tulua is a shopping mecca. The downtown area is 20 or more square blocks. It is a maze of small shops and stores selling everything from produce to the latest LG refrigerators with a TV on the front. Mentioned this because having a TV on the front of a refrigerator is not something you see in most stores in the US.

There are MANY garden shops outside the “DOWN TOWN” area that sell some of the most remarkable items made from concrete, local fabrication of ornamental wrought iron, plants, pots etc. I bought a HUGE bird cage in TULUA.

Tulua has a “14” store located in a medium sized shopping center. A new upscale shopping center was opened late 2004 opposite the bus terminal. Tulua has a large bus terminal complex that allows easy connection to ALL of Colomiba.

I LIKE going to Tulua. Especially riding the bus.

Link to TULUA photos taken late 2004

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." Quote - General Tommy Franks

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bufalo says on Jun 6, 2005, 14:18:

oh, you bought a birdcage there, well now that changes everything. I guess I missed that last year when I was stepping over the pools of blood left over from a sicario´s work. The kids were still playing nearby

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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