my story: girl meets colombian boy...girl & boy fall in love...girl & boy get engaged...boy walks out...

kernow62 says on May 17, 2005, 16:15:

teppar, I am deeply sorry for the heartache you are feeling. You sound like a very strong person and I am sure that given time you will start to feel better about this relationship. Just reading what you have written has my head spinning. I have never gone through an "on again off again" type of relationship, so I can only imagine the ups and downs you must have been experiencing.

When you are ready I think you must return to Colombia, not necesarily to seek a new love but to enjoy Colombia.

Stay strong. Love will come.

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platano says on May 17, 2005, 16:33:

teppar, teppar, teppar, What to say? I have been to Dubai (en route to Bombay) and I have lived in Colombia. But without knowing you or him I don't feel I can give any good advice. Without fluency in Spanish you might be happier in Costa Rica (certainly safer!) if you want a tropical Latin country with a Colombian population. Since money is not a problem you might even check out Europe or USA, as there are lots of Colombians there also. And there are some nice men who are not Colombian in all those places. Resist any temptation to go back to the frog! You deserve better!

Plátano, el banano verde
Oxigeno Verde ¡Libertad por Ingrid y los demás!

plátano

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adrimm says on May 17, 2005, 17:19:

How sad..... Teppar, I am so sorry to hear of your pain.

But tragic and difficult as this past while has been for you, I don't think that you need mourn the loss of Colombia in your life. As you know the people are kind and warm, and with a little luck you will be able to return, learn more spanish and make many new friends.

Concentrate now on you, and moving on with your life, nurturing your soul and rebuilding life. Try and let your life drift back to normalacy from where it has been. Remember that everything happens for a reason, difficult as it may be to understand.

As you settle back into routeine, explore opportunities for changing your environment for set term in the future. Can you do a work exchange or transfer, can you take certificate or diploma in another place, can you take a sabbatical break? If you have a solid employment background and skills right now, you probably still will a year from now. Consider a long term volunteership, many NGOs seek 6 month or year long help from people with expertise in certain fields.

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poco says on May 17, 2005, 17:36:

Lucky Resident experts must be mulling your complications and I’m sure you will get more advise.

My advise and it applies to everything.

Years ago,, three strikes and you’re out.
Today,,, one strike and I’ve lost interest.

You are lucky to be out of this. Then again maybe you are a psycho wanting to live your life in blissful misery with the potential of physical and mental abuse. These problems will NOT change. REMEMBER:

Don’t listen to what they say,, watch what they do.

PLATANO:
A 2 meg power point presentation. Best Hotel in the area and close to golf.
Recommended Hotel in Dubai

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." Quote - General Tommy Franks

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dwmte says on May 17, 2005, 17:42:

hi teppar... we've talked before and not so oddly enough, about this very issue. it was at another of it's many stages, but 'same old story, hello, joe'.

as much as many of us sympathise with you and the agony that came along with the package, try thinking along these lines. (figuratively speaking) screw him...get on with you and your potentially wonderful life. get the hell outta the gulf and all that negative energy and go 'hang out' for a while in colombia, preferrably around medellin, not bogota, come to KNOW the land you have come to love. see her, feel her, touch her, sleep with and eat with her. get to really know colombia and that can only REALLY happen in medellin...at least for starters. primarily, because it's medellin and ask anyone who's been there, it's the best place on earth.

i spent/worked years in the gulf (iran side) even married an iranian, and trust me, it was just the reverse of your story. almost a mirror of a story. but that's not important. what is important is you. get on with your life, by GETTING INTO IT. and you know and i know, you can't do that in dubai or any other place remotely close to there.

go to colombia, she's already seduced you, and that's only her outter charms...wait til you get inside and REALLY fall in love. wait til you find that person that's not a fantasy friend, but a true friend, one whom you can really fight with, live with, disagree with, raise kids with, eat, sleep and play with. it's all there...in far greater measure than you've known...for what you've known is in fact a short sell. you got a whole lot less than the real bargain. but not to even worry for a moment. the real bargain is there.

get up off the old buns, dry the tears and use the heart for what it's for and that is being the center of your 'pilot'. use it to guide you to ALL that you're feeling a need for and have every right to enjoy. go, grow, become, and BE HAPPY. they know how to do that in colombia. even if they are a bit crazy...

all the best, dear,

douglas

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Mr. Hollywood says on May 17, 2005, 19:01:

A suggestion First, I'm sorry to hear about your pain and sorrow. And thanks for your honest and beautifully written post.

Second, a suggestion. It doesn't strike me, given the pattern you've had of getting back together with this huevon every time he breaks your heart again, for you to be anywhere near him or his family. So maybe rethink exactly what it is that draws you to Colombia? If it's really the culture, music, language, etc. keep in mind that Latin America is a big gorgeous place. Colombia is hardly the only great country. Maybe you need to explore some of the other countries that share similar traits.

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 00:34:

thanks.... first of all thanks everyone...i really could use the kind words and honest support of people right now and you have all given that and i really appreciate it.

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 00:35:

kernow on again off again relationships are no fun...especially when you are the one being turned on and off...its been a very difficult ride and one i would never want anyone else to suffer. funny thing is i knew what he was like and i still walked into it. i guess i felt my love would be big enough to heal his pain and show him that love is a wonderful thing that you can count on. that i would show him that someone would love him as he was, faults and all. i mean that is what love is...anyway...he didn't see it...never really saw me i think now. decided what i was when we met and that was all he'd see. then when things weren't perfect as they were at the start he couldn't handle it. i know i'm lucky he walked out on me now instead of later with 2 kids in my life. but still its a painful experience.

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 00:36:

adrimm i am looking at all kinds of work options at the moment. i've actually left my job so i'm not working at the moment. part of the decision to leave my job was to move where he is now (at least when things were good) and part was because in a long process of soul searching i felt like i wasn't in the right place. i had a great job as pr & marketing director of an events promoter (we put on concerts...got to meet tons of celebrities...travel a lot...it was a fantasy life in a lot of ways). but i didn't feel fulfilled...just like i never felt fullfilled as marketing manager for 5 perfume brands, or as marketing manager for an IT consultancy, or any of the other jobs i've held. never have felt like i've been in the right place. only problem is i'm not too sure where the right place is (and i don't necessarily mean physical place, but what kind of job). i lived most of my life for other people i think. first and foremost my very domineering father and that really just led me to lose my way. (don't get me wrong my dad is an amazing man...raised me on his own...but still all parents make mistakes and his was being too domineering/controlling). anyway now i sometimes feel like a teenager instead of the woman i am. like i never got to figure out the things kids do because my situation didn't allow me to. anyway...to make a long story short i am puting my feelers out to all kinds of job opportunities...ngo's, peace corps, schools, old co-workers....anything and everything. i could sit here and wait for divine inspiration, which frankly i would very much like to have, but in the meantime i'm trying to be a bit more proactive. its hard as right now i'm at the point where i struggle to get out of bed everyday, but i'm trying...at least on the good days :-)

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 00:37:

poco no...i'm not someone who wants to suffer...and you are right i should haven't have given him another chance the first time he walked away. but we all do silly things for love sometimes...

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 00:44:

douglas i'm curious as to why you think the gulf is such a toxic place? i've read your comments before about how bad it is here, but i don't understand. i suppose it is your personal experiences in this part of the world that leads you to feel that way, but still...this is home to me....my whole family is here...this is the place i've called home on and off for the last 13 years. no its not perfect, but no where in the world is...

as for hanging out in colombia its an option...but i don't know what i'd do there. i'm not too keen to just move there with no purpose and no one. he's not there so that isn't an issue (despite his complaining for the last 6 months about how much he missed home and couldn't be without his family he's decided to stay in the region for a couple of years to make money...isn't that nice...please read lots of sarcasm into those last words) and i'm sure his family would be wonderful to me if i told them i was coming, but still...its not the right moment for that i think.

as for finding someone else...you're right in the description of a true life partner. but for the moment i'm not quite ready yet. i've got to find myself again first before i try to give myself to someone else again. my heart is too tender at the moment, and as angry as i am with my colombiano there is still love there that needs to fully die before i can love another again.

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 00:48:

hollywood yes you're right....colombia may not be such a good idea at the moment....i mean for me right now i'm not sure of anything i feel and think at the moment as i'm just overwhelmed still with so many emotions. i know i have always felt an affinity for latin culture, long before i met the colombiano, but right now i'm scared to trust my feelings about that. so i don't think i'll just pick up and move to colombia or anywhere else right now. if a job opportunity arises there or anywhere else i'll consider it. dubai may be my home, but i am a bit of a wanderer so i can live anywhere and be happy as long as i have a purpose for being there and good people surrounding me.

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N2Aquatix says on May 18, 2005, 08:26:

It's not worth it Teppar baby, people who's emotions run hot and cold like a faucet can be found anywhere in the world. There's nothing special about an idiot that doesn't know what he wants so he just goes through life letting his stupidity become everyone else's pain!!! Run like h&ll. Get away from this confused person before he makes you become as fragmented and confused as he is! Crazy people will drive you crazy. It's not worth it.

Jay

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 08:36:

n2 i know what you're talking about....as i've said i know i'm lucky he walked out of my life now instead of later after we got married and had a family together. its all just very sad. you invest everything you have of yourself for two years of your life and then poof! it all just disappears and you're left very confused and hurt and so many other things. i think if i had a job i was happy with or had something else to hold onto in life right now i wouldn't be as bad as i am. but unfortunately when it rains it pours in my world and i'm a little bit alone, and a little bit lost, and a whole lot hurt at the moment. eventually things will get better....but until then i'm sure many more tears will fall...

cheers

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dwmte says on May 18, 2005, 08:55:

teppar... many years ago--once upon a time--while still at the univ of calif. berkeley, i was walking to the health food store and out front, on a light pole, was a huge poster of swami satchitananda. there he was long hair, beard, mustache, bushy eyebrows and a smile which could be seen from one end of the block to the other.

below this beaming, smiling face was written, "no appointments, no disappointments."

simple, yet oh so profound. don't stand around wounded, be strong like you are and learn the immediate message in this painful tryst and begin to focus on you. we can't change anyone in this world. it's almost super human to change ourselves.

get clear and move on. make your focus happiness with you at the center of it. none of us have the answer to your centering. you do. listen to that guidance and follow it's advise. healing is a smile away.

remember, next time you see 'him' say 'thank you' because he gave you the key to yourself. go for it now...

dw

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Crazy4Cali says on May 18, 2005, 09:42:

That sucks... Teppar, I'm sorry to hear about your current emotional state. As I've been run through an emotional wringer or two in my life, I'd also like to offer advice, but I think the best advice you can find comes from within. The challenge is often to find the peace and quiet to hear it and the strength to follow it.

So that is my wish for you...that you find the peace and quiet to hear your own advice and the strength to follow it to your happiness.

Best of luck to you.

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 09:56:

dw....cali.... dw you brought tears to my eyes with your words....you are right...i know that at the moment i feel he's taken myself away from me, but in the long run i'm sure i will end up stronger and a better person for what has passed. its just hard to get through the days to get there. especially as his last trip back to me was just at the end of april (in other words he begged me to try again, but then the next day said no again) and now he's already moved on declaring his love to his best friend's ex-girlfriend. i guess i want him to hurt as much as me and i know that isn't possible. he's a jerk and i'm better off without him...i just have to find the peace, like crazy4cali says, to hear myself. right now i can't do that, but each day gets just a little bit better. i would love for others to have my answers, but i know no one but me does. i'm just not able to hear right now what the answers are. in the meantime sharing this with all of you and having your kindness has been very comforting. i'm not always very good at letting people into my life to help me. i'm good at taking care of everyone else, but not so good at letting others take care of me. but in this forum where anonimity (i'm sure i spelled that wrong!) reigns its nice to let go and have your 'shoulders to cry on'....

cheers

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dwmte says on May 18, 2005, 11:25:

yo crazy.... ditto...you said in a few words, what i driveled on about for a half a page. well put, friend.

dw

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elmodefoque says on May 18, 2005, 11:38:

Teppar, you seem like a real sweet girl and I’m not saying this just to get in your pants or any of that stuff; I’m saying this because I know I could make you forget that guy. This is purely innocent, dancing, drinking, eating just plain old fun in Colombia. Listen , you say you live in the middle east, man, there is no way in hell I wanna take a chance of having a pissed off family member chop my head off, I already went thru that in Colombia, Guajiros from another clan wanted to slit my throat from eat to ear and I was only 10 years old. I’m not looking for any problems besides I’m a married old modefoque, but I know how to have fun, but it will have to be in the Colombian Caribbean coast.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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teppar says on May 18, 2005, 12:07:

ay elmo.... elmo i was just waiting for your input and as expected it made me smile! thanks for the offer...should i decide to take a swim in the guajiros pool i promise you'll be the first to know!

cheers

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dwmte says on May 18, 2005, 12:35:

heh tepper... just keep smiling...

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Crazy4Cali says on May 18, 2005, 20:21:

woulda, shoulda, coulda... If only I'd given myself that advice 25 years ago....

Nahhh. I still wouldn't have listened.

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N2Aquatix says on May 19, 2005, 12:12:

The Most Awesome Gift DW and Crazy4 are both very wise. No matter what he took from you, what he gave you in the long run is the ability to recognize and avoid those kind of people in the future. I know it hurts right now, but don't ever blame yourself for giving your heart in it's entirety. That is the most awesome gift that you can ever give someone. He was too immature to appreciate the gift. ;)

Jay

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ARMacleod says on May 19, 2005, 13:02:

Teppar You sound to me like a real ‘simpatico' person. A nice person. A person who should not have that kind of thing happen to them.

Sweetheart. These nasty things seem to happen to such a person. Perhaps because they see only good in others.

Something I have learned in recent years. If you ever lose someone, you never had them in the first place.

Again. We are all human, and how we deal with something is different from person to person. I know that it sounds corney but, Hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

God bless and assist you in your search for happiness. I am afraid I cannot be of much help to you and I have had my share of disaster in the past and have not handled it too well. I am however, on the straight and narrow now.

I can only wish you all the best that I know that you deserve in the future.

Best wishes. James.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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teppar says on May 19, 2005, 13:36:

james and jay...and everyone thank you gentlemen both for your words...everyone on this site is being so supportive and you guys keep bringing tears to my eyes. i appreciate so much what is being said to me and i do believe what i am being told. of course as we all well know the heart takes much longer to understand what the mind already does. i am sure it is going to take many days, many weeks, many months and perhaps longer until this feels better. i look forward to a day when i don't cry over what has happened. i look forward to the day when i find myself again and trust again in my own instincts. i look forward to the day when i believe again that there is something better out their for me and that God has a better plan for me. that perhaps the lesson He was teaching me was not the one i may have thought about following my heart to find happiness, but another lesson which i don't understand yet but which is valuable to my life. i look forward to those days as i am far from them now. and in the meantime i am trying hard not to learn the bad lessons that can be learned from this. not to learn to mistrust everyone. not to learn to mistrust myself. not to lose faith in life and God. not to fear love and letting go.

i have gained a lot through this relationship. more than i have ever before in my life. i have learned so much. i wanted him to be the dream, the soulmate, the life partner...everything that i was wanting. perhaps i made him out to be those things when he never was. who knows....i know that God brings everything into our lives for a reason. i just hope that i'm finally due some good things in this world. some happiness. i've spent too much of my life striving to find peace and happiness and facing instead repeated disappointments. often times due to my own fears. at the end of the day i have come to know myself as simply a very big heart with a lot of love to give. i know i am meant for something in this world. i hope that life finally allows me to find what that is.

goodness i have digressed far from the topic of colombia. sorry if i am breaking the rules, and thank you for allowing me to do so. thank you all again for your support and kind words.

cheers

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joyzers says on May 19, 2005, 18:43:

Are you my clone? Reading your post has been truly astounding for me to realize that there is someone else out there like me that must think the exact same way that I do. It is truly frightening!! I have read your responses and your disappointments and losing of faith and I swear it is like I am reading my own script of everything precisely that has come out of my mouth in the past couple of years through extreme heartache and events, but it's coming from someone else's mind and onto my computer screen. I thought I was the only one that had these fears and doubts and had to try every day just to make it one more day and find something good in that day. I now know that another girl that I don't even know has the same thoughts, hopes, and fears. If you're anything like me, you can't see the end of the tunnel- it's literally impossible. However, I hang onto whatever hope and faith that I have left and I hold on tight, because I have had EVERYTHING taken away from me, but NOBODY can take my faith away from me. I saw it slipping many times, but I held on tighter- even though I was holding onto a mere thread.
It's so much easier to give advice than it is to take it. I can't tell you what you need to do, especially since I need to be telling myself the same thing. You are my clone in the fact that I have a huge heart and always want to see those around me content and happy, (just read my last post- it's pretty clear). However, this is my pleasure in life. The true problem, however, is that I don't ever want to burden anyone else with my problems- so I completely crawl in a whole and hide away from the world; it's not good. I pray that there will be something that will come your way that will make all of this make sense and worthwhile, and that you will be able to restore your faith in life, humanity, and in love. I daily pray the same things for myself. I do realize though that I have a mental block when it comes to myself and it is literally impossible for me to see "it". That is when I realize that God is bigger than me and that He can make it happen, and He can bring me something that will be far more than my wildest dreams. Just maybe a miracle can happen. I have to believe this, or it's all over for me. If I don't have my faith, at the end of the day, I have nothing. That's what keeps me going, even when I have doubted, and sometimes still doubt, the very fabric of life and everything in it. Hope is a big word, and I have lost it many times, but my faith takes my lost hope that is somewhere buried in the bottom of the valley and it fights hards to put it back up onto the hilltop again. That's life- hills and valleys. I hope you can make your way out of the valley and stand up on that hilltop again. Hang in there, and take it one day at a time!

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platano says on May 19, 2005, 18:55:

Joyzers, I have been praying daily for God to... change the hearts of the FARC and release the hostages.

I know God is all-powerful but She isn't making much headway with the FARC. Now you write: "That is when I realize that God is bigger than me and that He can make it happen, and He can bring me something"

Now I will be praying daily that God's love will be with you, and teppar, and the hostages.

¡Asalaam Waleikum!

Plátano, el banano verde
Oxigeno Verde ¡Libertad por Ingrid y los demás!

plátano

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joyzers says on May 19, 2005, 19:03:

yes, platano I see your point. I never bring God into a discussion, especially not in a post. However, Teppar and I seem to share the same struggles and beliefs on how WE deal with grief. (That is why I headed my comment to Teppar) My faith is what I have. I'm sure you have faith just the same as me, we just don't share the exact same philosphy or belief system. I'm sure you would agree that this is what makes us individuals. It's what brings ME comfort, and I don't ever pretend that the next person should think how I do. You are bringing up a huge theological issue of "why do bad things always happen to good people" mixed in with the false theory of "if I pray harder, a good thing will happen." Hence, the person that has something bad happen to them must not have prayed hard enough. This one really pisses me off, but it's commonly quoted, right? These theological things will put me in an mental institution if I truly try to find all of the answers. This is why I personally, say that MY faith is the only thing I (me personally) have. Each person has to find what comforts them. I will never argue with a person that might feel differently, and I always hope that even though there may be many, many people that would disagree with my words that they would at least respect the way that I feel and believe. Would you agree?

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platano says on May 19, 2005, 19:13:

Joyzers, I agree! And I know you respect Muslims and will honor my prayers to Allah. ¡Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim! (In the Name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate) ¡Waleikum Asalaam! (with you be peace)

Plátano, in absolute submission to Allah this evening

"It [the Koran] is the great visceral connector that makes all Muslims feel that there is a community between them. … For Muslims, dissing the Koran is the hot button of all hot buttons." - Lee Harris, May 12, 2005

plátano

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teppar says on May 20, 2005, 13:48:

hmm... joyzers...i don't know if i should be happy or really sad that you see me as your clone....the part about taking care of everyone else but hiding away and not letting anyone take care of you particularly hits home for me. what happened in our lives to make us this way? i still can't figure out if its good to be this way or not.

regarding the heartbreak, i know my situation is not unique by any means, but it makes me sad to know you feel or have felt the way i do. its not a fun part of this journey of life. and each moment of it i'm getting more and more tired of it. but i guess that is actually a good thing. in that i'm getting tired of being sad and upset and of letting my life be wasted with this pain over someone who doesn't value me for what i am. thats the only thing thats going to help me climb out of this valley as you call it.

you know what is so sad with breakups though...or at least mine...i miss his family. i fell in love with his family as much as him. i was so looking forward to raising our family with them in colombia. and now i know the family is on his side and i suddenly become nothing....just another girl who passed through. sure i was the fiance, sure we were getting married in november, but still in the grand scheme of their lives i'm just a blip...anyway...all i'm saying is its sad to lose the family....it makes the loss much bigger...ok ok i'm dwelling again...

as for the religious discussion that i seemed to have ignited i didn't mean to do that at all. i've not really posted to sites like this in the past so i didn't know the protocol regarding certain topics. sorry if i touched something taboo.

cheers

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goosekirk says on May 20, 2005, 15:35:

My advice I can't top the sage wisdom from Douglas and the others, but I do think you oughta go to Colombia, and soon. Sort of to wash that guy out of your hair. Go to Medellin or the coast. Forget about him and his family. You're bound to meet a bunch of new Colombian friends, you'll have an amazing experience, and then at least you'll be able to separate "him" from Colombia.

In my case, anyway, as time passes I find my feelings of love for an ex aren't as persistent as the injury. You don't want your feelings for your ex to taint your feelings for Colombia. Go soon, have fun, and build a better relationship with Colombia - it's worth it.

If you can swing it, make Elmo be your tour guide. I'd like to manage this myself, actually. Maybe we can talk him into leading "Elmo's Broken-heart Cure-all Booze & Burro Tour."

C'mon, Elmo, it'd practically be a public service. Maybe we can get you registered as an NGO or something, get some grant money...

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dwmte says on May 20, 2005, 17:22:

thanks, chris..... nice thoughts.

you're gonna have to cast a spell on tepper to get her outta the gulf, she still fancies it's heaven on earth. imagine wanting to be in all that 'hell' energy, where everyone's at each other's throats, when she could be kicken back with all you wonderful folks in colombia.

did you hear that tepper? i'm talkin behind your back...

ok everyone, get through to this sweetheart and give her a clue...the persian gulf is not hollywood, and saddam hussain is not santa claus.

it's time for a break and the tour director is beetlejuice...er, i mean, elmo. the place? who knows where colombia.

beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice....iieeeeegads, i said it... OH CHRIST!!! it's showtime...

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Crazy4Cali says on May 20, 2005, 19:58:

Just remember On the road of life, the bumpy parts give you an appreciation for the smooth parts.

...or...

in my case, the bumpy parts are what give you an appreciation for good suspension...my road is always bumpy...or maybe I just keep driving on the shoulder?

Hmmmm...

Time for another beer.

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hopeful says on May 20, 2005, 21:06:

Is that all it takes? Bogota here I come

beetlejuice, beetlejuice, bee... damn i just don't quite have the guts to do it yet

Maybe I should stop driving on the shoulder and just pull off the road for a while

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dwmte says on May 21, 2005, 07:08:

i don't know hopeful.... beetlejuice loose in bogota...think things are wierd now? even GIB couldn't sort that out.

remember, three times is a charm...two down, one to go.

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teppar says on May 21, 2005, 15:47:

hold on dw! dw....you keep criticising the middle east, saying you lived in iran, but not giving any reasons for not liking it. as someone who appreciates colombia you should be one well aware that what the media says isn't always true. same goes for the middle east. dubai where i live is not iran. and it is certainly not the iran you lived in years ago. no one is at anyone's throats! i feel safer here than i do in the US or Europe! no one is pretending anywhere is hollywood...hollywood exists in a state of celluloid, not in any real world anywhere. anyone who believes they live in a 'hollywood' is deceiving themselves no matter where they live on this planet. i don't need a clue as you call it...i am very well travelled and quite aware of the variety of places to live on offer. on the other hand you might want to consider other views on my part of the world than the stereotyped one you seem to currently hold. i'd be happy to help you understand the middle east as a very different place than the one you are portraying.

sorry if we've gone off topic again, but i have asked a couple of times now for dw to explain his displeasure with the middle east but i've gotten no answers. colombia is a country often misunderstood by the world outside. we all know that. the middle east is the same. i belong to neither world really (i'm a mutt living all over the place with no real home) but i defend the rights of the 'underdog' and hate to hear criticism of a place i live when i don't think its justified.

cheers

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joyzers says on May 21, 2005, 16:27:

Teppar Thank you for your comments that you wrote in response to me. I do have some advice for you on whether or not you should go to Colombia. First I must give you some background info. I don't want this to turn into a sob story post, but you may be able to get something out of my story. In a nut shell, I have had many great losses in my life, but none even compare to the loss of not only the man that I loved but his son that I practically raised for four years. With time, it's possible for you to try to recover for the loss of an adult, because you have every emotion in you from anger to confusion to rejection, etc. However, a child is inoccent and it is literally impossible to recover from the loss of a child that you love with every fabric of your being. He was engraved into my heart the first time I saw his smile and the first time he jumped into my arms and I held him. I loved him still, unconditionally, even though he is no longer in my life. His father, my ex, decided to choose my good friend over me and gave up the years that we had together. Huge loss! At the time, he promised me that he would never let anything come between his son and me, because he knew that it would hurt us both too much. However, she was very intimidated by my presence and she convinced him that I should never see his son again. So, in an instant, I lost the man I loved and my little boy who I was reading a bed-time book to one night and the next day he was gone from my life. OUCH! You can't recover from that- it's impossible. The boy I love cried himself to sleep every night because he couldn't understand why I left him. All I can do is pray that one day he will understand that it was not my decision. Well, to end this story, the man that I love is getting married to my friend today- yes, I said TODAY! He will have a new superficial wife and his son will have a new step-mother that does not love him, especially as I love him. Today is one of those "in the valley" days. However, I must get through today and hope that tomorrow will be a new day. Each day brings something new, not always something better, but at least something new. My heart and soul were taken from me that day, and I have never gotten them back. I must have faith that one day I will though. Perspective is very important- you see, in the grand scheme of things, our problems are so minute to the next person who has problems that we can't even fathom being able to live through, and that person knows someone that has problems that they can't imagine going through. It's a cycle. Although, we feel real pain and have real problems, we could always have it so much worse. Everything happens for a reason, I believe, even though I haven't yet figured out the reason for this one.
All of this to lead to Colombia. After the devastation in my life, I tried to open up my heart again to a Colombiano. He tried, but I still had some major healing to do. I fell in love with his culture and with the Colombian people, as you have with your ex-fiance's. He has returned to Bogota, due to his career and we have both lived our lives (read my post about pregnancy and Colombianos and you can read about what is happening to him. Anyways, when I was offered a position in Barranquilla, I knew that Colombia was calling me and that I can't go for anyone else but for myself. I leave for Barranquilla in less than a month (WOW!), and I will be there for a year. I have yet to even make plans to see the Colombiano that I dated, because this is not about him- for once, it's about ME. I need to start to take care of myself and leave those that expect me to take care of by themselves for awhile. This will be the first time I am going to do something for only me, with no excuses and no regrets. I am not running away from my problems here, (even though I don't need to see the newlyweds flaunt themselves in front of me), but I am running towards something, new experiences and a new life with wonderful culture and wonderful Colombian people. How could I lose? How can YOU lose? My advice would to go find yourself, go explore Colombia and by all means don't even go near the city that your ex-fiance lives in- Colombia, as you know, is a huge country, it's not like you're going to run into him. You don't want to always wish you had, do you? Good luck in your search for happiness and finding yourself again. The only way to do it is to get up and decide that I can't go on like this anymore, I have to change my life and go for it! GOOD LUCK!

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dwmte says on May 21, 2005, 16:28:

ok, teppar... i've listened to your comments that i should defend my comments about the gulf in general and i wouldn't want you to go away unsatisfied.

i shall attend that request, but i'm gonna have to do it in 'word' and import it here. too, it aint a quickie, nor is it romantic. it is the truth about what was and is happening in the region...no holds barred.

you asked, i'll deliver. it'll be coming shortly.

dw.

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Hunter says on May 21, 2005, 17:09:

dwmte I look forward to reading it dwmte.

Hunter

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dwmte says on May 21, 2005, 18:31:

here is a condensed version, teppar... Well this takes me back a long way, back to the mid 60’s when I first began the study of Islam. I was a devotee of a Pharsee, from India, whos name was Merwan shiriar Irani.

It was by his graces that I was given insight into the true depth and Holiness of Islam. Also, I was introduced to the highest luminaries of the faith. All of this occurred in the latter years at university at Berkeley, California.

After leaving university, I opened my own business (oriental carpets, tapestries and hand woven textiles) the management of which would end up taking me countless times into the middle east (Lebanon, Israel, Syria, Iran and North Africa) It wasn’t long into these repeated journeys into the ‘old’ country that I realized that I was internally, far more a scholar than I was a business man and my activities quickly turned to research, and business became no more than a means to an end and the economic lever that would allow me to live in the area and pursue my academic interests. I all but lost interest in my business affairs and in so doing, gave up what was and would have been a very lucrative enterprise and life support system. My interests, were academic and intellectual, not to mention spiritual. To make a long story short, I attended business no more than I absolutely had to, just enough to service my being able to stay in the area and pursue my own interests.

Now, you’ll note that I never mentioned a word about Dubai, Oman, Qatar, Kuwait, the Trucial States or Saudi Arabia, as I never put foot on that soil. However, I worked for years in South Western Iran along the Gulf, namely Bandar Bushir, Bandar Abbas, Shiraz, et al, and in being there, especially Bandar Abbas, I was constantly faced with a host of folks from the Arabian Peninsula, coming to Iran to ‘party’ and ‘unwind.’ The same was true for the Arabs coming to Beirut. They came to gamble, drink, advantage prostitutes and use drugs. It was the observation of this behavior over the course of nearly 13 years that I arrived at the conclusion that modern day Islamics, were arch hypocrites. They had such a big show, an outer front, but underneath, out of sight, at home or abroad, they were just like any other human being with their needs, desires, yes’ and no’s. while in public, at home, they pretended such piety….it was so fake, that I began to wonder if they studied the same writings as did I.

Let’s fast forward now, to today or at least the last two decades and look at what’s been happening. Not in general, no, there, around the area in which you have known as home.

We—the world—have watched the growth of an evil fanaticism throughout the area that has subsequently sent it’s tentacles abroad, far and wide. Beginning many years ago with the assassination of the Israeli Olympic Team, followed closely by the sequester of the Acchilli Lauro (sp), later by the bombing of the U.S. Marine Barricks in Beirut, then in Saudi Arabia (multiple occasions) up through the atrocities of the last decade in Indonesia, the Phillippeans, Yemen, Egypt, Algiers, and on and on and on. And what do I reference? You know, murder. Not the expression of fundamentalist religion, nay, murder, plain and simple. The repeated acts of cowardism and terrorism played out by so called Muslims claiming to be in Jihad.

To be clear on the absurdity of these claims, one need only revert to the pure writings of Islam, The Prophet and the First and only Real Imams, like Shibli, Ali, etc. Or later saints, Ghazalli, Tabrizi, Hafiz, Saadi, Rumi, et al….and in the luminous writings of these most Holy Souls, one will not find, cowardism, murderers in ski masks, hiding in the shadows, slaughtering women, children, the elderly, the innocent…never. Nor any remote reference to same.

And the wild acts of the cowards who dirty the HOLY NAMES, as they behead innocents and cry out ‘in the name of God, the Merciful and Compassionate’ and, ‘God is Great’. And hide weapons and all manner of debauchery in Mosques and Temples. Who wear the robes of clerics that serve no more than to conceal weapons and their murderous intentions. All of this!, while they shout to heaven how the infidels and dogs/devils are to blame. Devils? Dogs? Infidels? While they desecrate the veritable temple of God, Man.

It is openly stated by these murderous fanatics that their desire is to obtain a nuclear device to be used on America or Europe….not thinking for one moment of the repercussions of this desire. The inevitable retaliation…a retaliation of a magnitude unknown in the world, which will make Hiroshima and Nagasaki like a walk in the park. What restraint the Americans showed by not using tactical nuclear weapons on Bin Laden in Afghanistan. I still don’t know why.

The attack on the twin towers constitutes the greatest act of cowardice in the history of humanity…and your neighbors, contributors, donators and participants in this sacriledge point their fingers at the United States and Europe. While they murdered nearly 300 Muslims alone in the towers. And a total of nearly 3000 innocent human beings. All this in the Name Of God?

And I am forced to ask you why you think I have the opinion of the area that I do. I didn’t just fancifully adopt a ‘fuck’ Islam opinion/policy…..Hardly, Teppar, I actually sat back and watched them do that themselves. Fifteen of the nineteen hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. They lived right here in Florida. The leader, Mohammed Atta frequented strip clubs and was a serious user of drugs and alcohol along with his ‘religious’ friends.

These, dear, are the (your) area’s contribution to the state of affairs in the world. And what of this Abu Zarqawi? There’s a real specimen of a demon if ever one walked the earth. Publicly stating that the murder of Muslim women and children is justified. This comment in the past two weeks.

Over and above all this horror, these ‘Islamics’ point fingers and talk about how ‘brutal’ the American and allied soldiers are. What? Making prisoners walk around with a dog’s leash and a pair of panties is torture, after they behead innocents and car bomb even mosques. Talk of the desecration of the Koran…..WHAT? We don’t know if that is true or false and if true, of course it is shamefull, HOWEVER, that after the continued butchery of your own peoples by these oh so brutal murderers. So which is the act of heathen? To destroy the Koran/Bible, or to destroy the actual creation of God?, man, in such horrific and despicable manners. Dismembering and scattering the remains in trash and feces. You, please, tell me.

Add to all this horror, more…..when those kidnapped by terrorists pled for their lives on video taped messages, did you or I or anyone hear Muslims from around the world, cry out against these horrors and atrocities? Nope. Only on one occasion…a real man, a Mullah from Italy pled for the life of some condemned person in Iraq who ultimately had their life spared. A truly brave man. But only once. What about the thousand other times? Not only did the Muslim community world wide not stand up for righteousness, on the contrary, they silently, in the shadows, revered in these crimes, supported them and donated funds to the men who perpetrated them.

Now, Teppar, before I labor this horror story longer, the ‘why ‘ I have a serious dislike for the astral atmosphere of the area in which you reside, I will draw this to a close, because the level of disgust that engulfs me is more than I choose for my evening, and the very reason why I stopped going there many years ago.

One last note….life in Iran, under Reza Shaw Pahlavi was serious tyranny, BUT, he was not a hypocrite. He made absolutely no pretense to be Divinely driven and inspired. He just did his thing. Then when the fundamentalist fanatics took over and that coven of murderers who called themselves Imams (God forbid) took over….there was murder in the streets, Jews, Bahais, Pharsees and Turks. One young Bahai girl testified in front of Congress in Washington that after the Muslims had murdered her parents and grandparents, she was not allowed to retrieve their bodies until she paid for the bullets used to kill them.

So, now you have a very concise version of a history that spans nearly 40 years. I became Muslim in Iran, married a Godjhar woman made ashad (testiment) and practiced the faith until I felt more than a bit the fool.

It should come as no surprise to the Islamic community world wide why the whole damn world is at it’s wits end and approaching repraisal for all that we have known, witnessed and suffered at the hands of murderers for so long…murderers who claim to be the voice of Islam.

There, now do you understand?

dw

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platano says on May 21, 2005, 19:05:

dw, Thank you for sharing your story. I understand why you feel as you do toward that region and toward the hypocritical and fundamentalist practitioners of Islam. However, I would pray that in your heart their is still love for Allah and for those prophets of Islam you mention (Ghazalli, Tabrizi, Hafiz, Saadi, Rumi, etc.) who are drunk on the divine and have shared their sweet divine nectar with us. Thanks again, brother, for sharing. Alhumdulilah!

P.S. There was torture that resulted in death while in U.S. custody. It wasn't just panties on heads.

Plátano, el banano verde, in submission this week to Allah
Oxigeno Verde ¡Libertad por Ingrid y los demás!

plátano

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dwmte says on May 21, 2005, 19:37:

platano... '.....i would sweep the floor with my eyelashes to be invited to a drinking bout with the master...'

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teppar says on Jun 2, 2005, 08:29:

douglas... sorry i haven't answered your post yet...i'm back online and i'll answer you soon i promise! just didn't want you to think i' was ignoring you...

cheers

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