My first visit to a Clinica/Hospital in Barranquilla

So there I was, it was almost 10 am, a bright sunny curramba day. My hotel room is right above the main entrance with a nice big balcony for me to check out all broads walking in and out. I always ask for the same room
I’m still in bed while my 100 mil peso amiga gets ready to go home. She leaves and I jump in the shower, but before I do that I go for a quick pee.
Holly crap! what the fok? I’m leaking anti freeze! I’m pissing BLOOD!!!! I’m gonna fokin die all alone in this hotel in fokin barranquilla, Holly chit!!
I take a big shot of aguardiente and a few minutes later start to calm down. I’ve seen this before, I suffer from kidney stones and just before they move I normally see blood, but no pain. The pain comes after, maybe a day later.
I call my nephew, “Marica, ven pa aca, tengo que ir pa al hp hospital!�? I’ve never been to a hospital in Colombia, this was gonna be my first experience.
We call a cousin who suggested I go to a clinic where she works and she’ll get her colleague to see me.
We get there and see a mix crowd of low life and middle class curramberos. The place is bright clean and sort of modern, not bad at all.
I got this strange presence, this power only seen in Colombia. As soon as I walk in, anywhere, all doors open and I’m immediately moved to the front of the line. Don’t know if it comes from fear or respect. Maybe the combination of my nephew and me together projects this pelicula (movie) only seen in Colombia.
Anyways, within minutes I was sitting with this young handsome costeño doctor. I explained what happened and he asked me for a urine sample then tells me to wait for the results, it would take about 30 minutes. He also tells me that I could wait anywhere I wanted, his office, waiting room or private room. I chose the private room.
About 20 minutes later I feel a slight pain coming from my lower back and traveling to my belly button area. The pain is not severe, nothing like the ones I’ve experienced before. I feel something dropped from my belly button to my verga area then an urge to pee.
As soon as those things dropped, every little pain or discomfort went away, I felt like a million fokin bucks. I pee and out come 2 little rocks.
Soon after coming outta the men’s room, the doctor calls me in to tell me I got kidney stones. No chit Sherlock I just got rid of them. He was happy for me cus he too suffers from kidney stones. I hang out with the doctor bullshitting, talking about drinking and broads and then I’m ready to go. He hands me a bill with my urine results. The total bill was 45 mil pesos, like 20 dollars and I thought this chit was gonna be 300 mil. Needles to say I was one happy modefoque and immediately started drinking and it wasn’t even noon yet.
I suspect the reason for my kidney stone attack was the hundreds of beers and the constant banging around the mid area with my 100 mil peso amigas.

By elmodefoque on Jun 14, 2007, 07:56 in Friendly Talkzone.

gringolondinense says on Jun 14, 2007, 08:15:

fantastic story elmo!! Broads
Bogs
Blood
Balconies
Barranquilla

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Miguel says on Jun 14, 2007, 10:18:

You forgot "Bullshit"

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elmodefoque says on Jun 14, 2007, 10:21:

Some might be wondering. Hey modefoque how could you not never been to a hospital in Colombia while you claim to be born and raised there. Where you born out in a fokin field?
Very close, I was actually born during one of our annual migration up to le Sierra Nevada in the middle of a Wayuu donkey trail.
I once cracked my head wide open when we lived in curramba but my grandfather pour coffee in my 6 inch gash, my scull was fully exposed. Don’t ask me why it worked or how but I’m still here after so many years.
Another time a big ass ant, those big black ones with the big head crawled in my ear and was biting the crap outta me, he was munching on my ear drum. Once again my grandfather to the rescue, he pour donkey piss on my ear to drown and knock that modefoque out, it not only killed that modefoque but it knocked me out too.
I could go on and on and tell you how we played doctor with our lives cus we had no money to see a real fokin doctor.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one. CURRAMBA, EL MEJOR VIVIDERO DEL MUNDO!

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seabass says on Jun 14, 2007, 10:34:

Bebes agua con jugo de limon para las piedras..
Something about lemon juice seems to break them down. I had one bout with kidney stones years ago and I never want to go thru that again.
Felt like I had to take a leak and nothing would come out. I just laid in the bathroom curled up in a fetal position.
I've heard it's as close to experiencing childbirth that a man will ever know...if that's the case, then child bearing women have all my respect.

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miamimike says on Jun 16, 2007, 00:21:

HEy Elmo, Your Grandfather was onto something with the Urine I saw this in North Carolina also, old Black Midwives putting a couple drops of Urine into the Era for an Earache. It actually works because Bacteria that cause an ear ache cannot survive in an Acidic enviroment(urine is highly acidic and one's own urine is sterile inside the body). These old Midwives sucessfully treated a lot of little black kids very cheaply with this method.

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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lpdiver says on Jun 16, 2007, 03:25:

The same is... true for athelete's foot. Piss will also stop a jelly fish sting. I usually have a bottle of vinegar handy though.

t

"cook some rice!"

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kalder says on Jun 16, 2007, 03:31:

A friend of mine was a 'tasty' amateur boxer in his youth. And he's still one tough little Irishman. But he told me that when he had kidney stones, he cried like a toddler.

I just make sure I drink at least 2L of water a day.

"kalder- have you ever had a woman?"--Sam Salmon

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aztec says on Jun 16, 2007, 06:26:

lpdiver "The same is...

true for athelete's foot. Piss will also stop a jelly fish sting. I usually have a bottle of vinegar handy though.

t
By lpdiver"

We were told by a native of Isla de Providencia that urine was effective for a jelly fish sting. We were skeptical and thought she was making fun of us.

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lpdiver says on Jun 16, 2007, 06:32:

No it is... true. It is due to the acidic nature or urine. Like I said vinegar (acedic acid) will work as well.

Maybe if there is a cute senorita willing to pee on me I will forget the vinegar in the dive bag....

t

"cook some rice!"

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larumberainglesa says on Jun 16, 2007, 13:43:

Ah ...lemon juice Anytime me or my son are ill my husband (who grew up on a beach in Colombia with no money to see a doctor) trots out the old lemon juice cure or some other concoction.I find it quite interesting but any major pain you will see me running to the doctor, not him.

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scotty says on Jun 16, 2007, 13:57:

miguel you cant say bullshit, i said bullshit in one of my post replys and it got deleted. but you are right he did for bull...t

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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scotty says on Jun 16, 2007, 14:07:

kidny stones & clinics i have had kidney stone attacks off and on for about 20 years, the first time i got one of those attacks i thought i was gonna pass out from the pain. if the stones are somewhat round they move fairly easy but if they are flat or jagged get ready for lots of pain.
they last time i passed stones they were round and moved with no problem.
I asked my doctor what the heck can i do about these stones, he told me cut back on cola drinks and syrupy products and drink lots and lots of water all the time.
I know what you mean about the clinics, i was in Cali about 3 years ago and i got sick, went to a clinic and immediately they brought me to the front of the line to see a doctor, i wasnt in the waiting room more that 10 minutes and i was in and out of the clinic in about 35 minutes, fast professional service. Im not sure why they move gringos in so fast i think maybe they dont want a gringo dieing in their clinic??

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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