My experience with an american man (first part)

vicshere says on Jun 2, 2004, 12:50:

got me hooked where is the rest of the story....just when it was getting good...hope you finish it up thanks vic

listo

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viewpoint says on Jun 2, 2004, 13:18:

Mother of 2 Don't Stop Here Chapter 2 please I have enjoyed your comments on this site because you have been able to bring insight to the true feelings of a Colombian woman as she makes the adjustment to life outside Colombia (in the USA)and away from her family. I have always felt that any Colombian (man or woman) gives up much more (except economic) that they gain when they leave their country. I saw my ex-novia experience everything you are talking about and the adjustment was very difficult for her but she survived it all. Colombianos are the strongest people I have ever met in my life as your experiences prove.

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CuriosJoe says on Jun 2, 2004, 14:24:

move to LA or NY What part of US are you living in now? I'd go crazy myself if I had to relocate to Ohio or someplace like that. Move to LA or Miami or NY - you'll find people to party with, go out dancing, have fun! 13 years of difference is not bad. It's when a 50 year old man marries a 19 year old girl thats when problems often start. I personally always make it fun for girls I go out with. my 2 cents.

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 2, 2004, 14:41:

I would like to hear more of your story too. Where were you living? My Colombiana wife misses her friends and family but has not experienced some of the things you talk about. We live near San Antonio, Texas.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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motherof2 says on Jun 2, 2004, 14:56:

I don't belong to this place... (second part) When I started getting more independent, the money part was a little weird for us, we needed to share bank accounts and all that, and I felt for a while like I was spending HIS money, but he was really nice, he told me, "now everything is ours, and you have as many rights as me", so little by little I felt more confortable with that, to be honest my dad never told something like that to my mom, it was his money, but she could spend some!.

besides that, I was happy because I started to make friends, I live in a very american neighborhood in Texas, so there's not many latin people, my american friends are very nice, but I felt like I didn't have as much things as them, they always had nice clothes, and their houses were very nice, and I felt different... we really didn't spend as much as them, I felt bad sometimes, american women shop a lot!, they are really into shopping, and I was still living like a colombian, so shopping wasn't my priority!
Little by little, I started to catch up with them, and my life was getting better, My relationship with my husband was fine, but I noticed american man are a little obsessed with things... and they really are not as attached to their families as we are...

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motherof2 says on Jun 2, 2004, 15:15:

I can't stand this gringo! (tercera parte) My cute gringo husband was getting on my nerves, he was picky, and obsessed with silly things, I felt like I couldn't do anything right, I didn't know how to do a lot of things... this may be weird, but I always had a maid in colombia, and I never had to clean or cook, so moving here was horrible, maids and babysitters are expensive! I was tired of cleaning and cooking, and we just don't eatr the same things!, I want a big lunch and a small dinner, he wants a small lunch and a huge dinner... oh well!
that part was hard, but he finally gave up and started eating more healthy colombian food, less mexican, but he still eats junk!.
My gringo, couldn't understand why I was feeling so lonely, I had a very social life in Bogota, and here, you hardly see people!, my husband is not very social, he doesn't have many friends, he doesn't like "party" as much as me, but in that part I gave up, we have a baby, and we really can't go out, at least not all the time!
Gringos are also good lovers, but sometimes they don't feel as sexual... is it just about being american, or is just the way man are? our sexual life started decreasing.... not good, not good!
what can we do?.... I think that part is very private, and I don't wanna give much details, but somehow it got better, we had good and bad months... one of those good months he got me pregnant again!
I was devastated, but that day I loved him more than ever, because he was so supportive, and he told me the perfect things at the perfect time, His american side was there, he made me feel like it was something good, american like big families anyway!
but righ after that he got lay off, and for the next 7 months we had not income, we lived with our savings, I think then I knew how much money we really had, I never asked before, but after living 7 months like that, i had to ask... How the h*** are we living now?
He got a job finally, we had our second boy, and we had no savings, he was also making less money. life is hard!
I knew then, that my love was totally real, I support him, and even tho' my life has change so much, I will stay with this gringo, sometimes american are too much to take, but now, I have 2 kids with him, and a whole new life ahead!

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 2, 2004, 15:24:

Wait a second. You said you were living in Texas and there were not very many Latin people! Come on! The whole state is filled with Hispanics. San Antonio is 60% Hispanic. Sometimes I think my wife will never learn to speak English because everyone here speaks Spanish. Other than that, I liked hearing your story and hope you post more.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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motherof2 says on Jun 2, 2004, 15:29:

My life now... I've been married for 3 years with my husband, we have 2 boys, pretty much my house is crazy all day, but he gets home from work and help me to clean, cook, play with the boys, give them baths and do the dishes after dinner (sometimes).
wow!!!!! latin man don't do that, they really don't!
My life now is a little bussy, I don't have any kind of help, none of our relatives lives colse, we can't afford housekeeping or babysitters, we don't go to the movies, and ocassionaly some friends watch the boys and we go get dinner.
I'm starting to become more materialistic, I like more expensive things now that I don't have as much money, I also shop more often, and i want a better car... why? before everything was too much, and now is not enough!
I think my contact with latin people is almost none, and I spend my days just with americans, I feel that I'm more like them now, is sad, but my boys don't speak spanish speacially the oldest.
I still feel lucky, my husband and I are different in a lot of ways, but our love is strong, I believe he wants his colombian wife back!

to finish my story, I can tell you that as a colombian woman, I think american are the perfect fathers, and I mean it!, when my friends come to visit me, they are surprised!, I tell all my friends that american guys need better women to be better persons, so, if you ever marry a colombian woman, let her be as colombian as she can be!, you may have a treasure at home!

I LOVE GRINGOS

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viewpoint says on Jun 2, 2004, 16:35:

Thank you mother of 2 Thanks for the good ending of a great true story. I am glad for the happy ending of the real life story. Your husband is a lucky man for his good choice of a wife and partner. Now I can go home and sleep well.

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observer says on Jun 2, 2004, 17:07:

Mother of 2 what a woman All I can say girl is that you are an amazing woman, and yes please be a colombian woman for that old texan. I am a gringo, and it seems to me that only colobian women are enough woman for a gringo. I am glade that you have made the old guy eat better, so many of us gringos are just to dang fat. For the most part gringos don't cheat, and that is another place where you are lucky. Some of us do, but as I have said on these posts before, I only know one Colombian man who does not cheat on his girl.

I just talk with my colombian friend today and he said that 99.99 % of the colombian men cheat and the other .01 % is just gay. He told me this was a saying you have here.

Fallow you heart Colombiana and good luck.

shamaz

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Philip says on Jun 2, 2004, 18:00:

MO2 You sound like an incredible woman. I too am beginning a relationship
with a Calena, I am 52, she is 38. We both have teenage children and
we don't want any more kids. So we are just starting, but when the time comes I know she will move here to L.A. to be with me. I have
visited her once since we began in March. I knew she was "the one for me" when our eyes finally met. I call her daily and we email
all the time too. She speaks no english, my spanish is muy pobre but
improving with my daily studies...by audio cd in my truck while I am driving. This works for me. Also, I keep mi buen amigito cerca,
se llama "Franklin". The little translator.
Anyways, you should speak spanish to your kids. They will learn english too, but if you don't do it now, they will never learn. It
would be a shame to be even part latino, and not understand spanish. It is much harder to pick it up as an adult. Ask me!
Keeping in shape...is a great idea. I look years younger, my body
is lean and fit. But I had to give up my cervezas and sodas and drink
more water, eat less, and exercise daily. I have lost 16 lbs since I met her and became motivated. This is my routine. I want to look good for my woman, no need for her to look elsewhere for a
guapo gringo. The same goes for her, and she is a very beautiful woman, as are many from your country.
Your comments and story is very interesting and much appreciated.
I don't want my lady to lose her culture, and I even want to move to
the Cali area after I retire. Don't lose your wonderful culture.

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motherof2 says on Jun 2, 2004, 18:40:

Thank you! I feel good sharing my story, the fact that there is many many mexican people in texas doesn't mean I'm around people like me, Mexican and Colombian are totally different, I have met some people from mexico at church, and I see mexican all the time wherever I go, but I'm not related with them at all, we may speak the same language, but the way we live is very, very different.
I also want to tell you, that I speak mostly spanish with my kids, but they just like their father.... don't get it!, they are still little, so, Is not a problem.
I think my relationship has never ever been in trouble because our age, He is a very mature guy, and I'm trying hard, because I'm not as mature, but we always find the way to solve our problems, and right now, we can;t wait for some time just for us... no kids!

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stanmoonie says on Jun 2, 2004, 20:18:

thanks for your post Mother of 2 thank you very much for posting your story. I am getting ready to marry a woman from Colombia and I want her to stay as much a colomian as she wants. She is my dream come true, because I know she loves me with no question.

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Bquilla says on Jun 3, 2004, 05:15:

Return to Colombia? If the opportunity presented itself, would you return to Colombia to live? Have you and your husband ever broached this subject? Your current life is very simular to my wife and I. Funny how you mention having never seen a dishwasher. This past Sat my wife made the very same comment AND that if/when she were to return to Colombia that she would not miss most of the trappings that the US has to offer.

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motherof2 says on Jun 3, 2004, 07:00:

about going back to Colombia someday... Well, we have never talk about it, but I don't think my husband would do it, and right now I think is better to be here for my kids.
This is a nice place to live, the only thing we talk about, is about my parents moving here when they get their greencards. That, I would love!
If I ever have to move back to Colombia, I would make sure we have a dish washer as well, can't live without it!

thanks

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junior says on Jun 3, 2004, 07:14:

junior....i love colombia i really enjoyed your story. i would like more.

i am the man from california with the 20 years old colombian girlfriend, i told her about you and she would like to talk to you, she asked me to give you her email: tommyadri23 at hotmail.com

although our age difference is greater and this causes most people problems or concern, it only concerned me because of the stories i had heard about some colombian women who are only interested in money but not in a real relationship. most people who read my story don't know me and think of a typical 50 year old man, but i've never been typical. here in california i use to go out with 23 years old girls or around that age. it was their idea.....so what does that tell you? i don't need to go to colombia to go out with younger girls. alot has to do with a person's personality not with age. age is a relative value but too many people make it a cosmic force of nature....

your comment about don't try to be something i'm not, i understand that this is probably what some people thought, but in reality i am very modern...without trying to be....unless you are born and raised in california this is difficult to understand as california men are different in some respest to other men in the united states.... i didn't say better, just different.

remember....you are as old as you feel

junior... i love colombia

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 3, 2004, 08:11:

Thanks for your reply, motherof2. You're right - certainly Colombian food is very different from Mexican food. Maybe if you were Mexican you would feel more at home in Texas - still, it is nice to have people that you can talk to in your own language. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a foreign country in my own house. It sounds like your husband does not speak Spanish - I hope he will make an effort to learn because it will be a real shame if your children grow up without knowing Spanish. These days it is a big advantage in life to speak many languages.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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motherof2 says on Jun 3, 2004, 09:36:

happy to know you like it My husband doesn't speak spanish, he understand some words, but for some reason is not very easy for him, so speak english at home.
I think Junior is pretty sure about himself, and he knows he can make that colombian girl very happy!, I don't see why not Junior, just make sure she feels the same way; I sent her an email yesterday so we can keep in touch, my advice may be helpfull for her!

and the age is just a meassure of time, just time!

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junior says on Jun 3, 2004, 10:30:

we need more like you.... motherof2...i want you to know you probably have made a big difference to alot of people. the truth is...you are alot about what drives a major part of this particular aspect of this site....love of colombian women by american men.....what a feelin'!!!!!!!!

your could start your own site....what a difference you could make to alot of people in love who need guidance and insight into their feelings...think about it....my son could help you with this.

my girlfriend is dying to talk to you and i know she will be very excited to read your email.

i have alot of questions for you...

how were you able to get a visa to the united states so easily? it seems to be so difficult now days.

how were you able to get married in colombia? when i looked into it, it seems to be very complicated and involves some sort of residency.

how long was your courtship before your were finally married and together in the united states?

these are just some of the questions i have for you, i hope it isn't overwhelming....you are very much needed.

junior...i love colombia

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motherof2 says on Jun 3, 2004, 11:19:

thanks Junior... That would be a great idea, even my husband can help me with that website, I'm gonna think about it!

About your questions...
First at all, I was very lucky I happen to have a Tourist visa before I met him, as I told you before, I had some friends at the embassy a long time ago, and they helped me with that, its a shame I never ask for my parents visa or other relatives when I have the opportunity to do it, and now its impossible!.

I dated him for a year, I came to USA 3 times, he went to bogota twice, and then we got married in Colombia, my big advice, GET MARRIED IN COLOMBIA, IS SOOOO EASY THAT WAY!... The American embassy in Bogota has less petitions for visas than the inmigration offices in California or any state in US.

We hired a lawyer in Bogota to take care of all the documents, and specially to translate to my husband all that "legal stuff" I couldn't explain to him, a lawyer is helpful but you can do it yourself. He also was a legal translator in our wedding, and they know all the little tricks!

3 days after our wedding, my husband and I went to the embassy and he introduces me as his wife, and they ask us some questions, we had all the forms, the lawyer help us to fill that out, if is possible take with you pictures of the wedding and all that.

they told me to go back in 2 weeks, and I did so, I went bymyself because he was already in USA, and they gave me my visa, fast, easy, no problem at all!

now, I'm ready to apply for my citizenship after being married with an american citizen for 3 years, so after this, I may be able to ask for my parents residence, because they haven't been able to come here to visit, the embassy denied their tourist visas :( as you said, its pretty difficult.

I hope is helpfull, tell your fiance to email me anytime!

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dwmte says on Jun 3, 2004, 15:20:

what fresh air! mother of two, you are so valuable to this site. giving these gentlemen, so many of which are looking for gal friends or wives or maybe just lovers. you tell them exactly like it is. you're colombian, you have your head screwed on strait and you talk openly and honestly and you make others comfortable to do like wise.

i'm a gringo, married to a paisa (envigado/medellin) for about 15 years now. we have an 11year old daughter and have lived close to 5 years in colombia. we have a house in envigado.

i have some questions/issues i feel comfortable enough to share with you and ask you about...if you would consider it. however, these are not issues, matters open to the wind or presented in public. if you would e me off line (poor but happy) i would be honored to hear your feelings/opinions about these matters. things which occur between or in gringo/colombiana marriages. you're speaking of these showed me clearly that you were well familiar with the matters that i would like to share with you to hear your opinions.

you can e me at home at dwmte at bellsouth.net if you are so enclined and would consider sharing your views and personal experience in similar circumstances.

thank you for your posts, they are truly valuable to the site.

douglas martin

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 3, 2004, 20:29:

One thing I would note about the visa situation. In the past, the US embassy in Bogota accepted visa applications from any US citizen. This is called Direct Consular Filing (DCF) and it is very fast and easy as motherof2 states. However since July of 2003, DCF is only available to US citzens who are residents of Colombia. Nevertheless, I got married in Colombia, fulfilled the requirements for getting the Colombian marriage visa, the requirements for the civil and Catholic weddings, and obtained the K-3 visa which allowed her to come to the United States. All this in about 8 months. It really is not that difficult so do not let the paperwork stop any of you.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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motherof2 says on Jun 4, 2004, 09:10:

wow~! So how Long It takes to get a visa after getting married in Colombia?
Even if the lady has a tourist visa, has to wait in Colombia for her residence? or she can wait in the united states?

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cintiamay says on Jun 4, 2004, 14:45:

motherof2, thanks so much for your valuable input. I've been wondering (not just me) how marriage would work if done in Colombia rather than US... your response here helps me immensely. Not just gringos want to get married some day...

great story.... continued good luck to you!

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cintiamay says on Jun 4, 2004, 14:47:

Did you have to be in Colombi Nevertheless, I got married in Colombia, fulfilled the requirements for getting the Colombian marriage visa, the requirements for the civil and Catholic weddings, and obtained the K-3 visa which allowed her to come to the United States. All this in about 8 months.
=============================================================
utopiacowboy, did you have to be in Colombia the entire time to do this?

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 4, 2004, 20:10:

I had to make a few trips to Colombia but my wife (then fiance) was able to do most of the legwork down there and make sure we had everything. I had to spend a lot of time here rounding up all the paperwork and apostilles and translations that I needed and then fedexing the stuff off to her. The Colombian consulate has an excellent page on the requirements for the Colombian visa to marry:
http://www.colhouston.org/english/visas/fiance.htm
The US embassy in Bogota has a great page on the requirements for civil and Catholic marriage in Colombia:
http://usembassy.state.gov/colombia/wwwsmare.shtml
If my wife had a tourist visa she could have come to the US to wait for the K-3 but very few Colombians have tourist visas. Also if they find out that you have filed for the spousal visa (K-3) they will cancel the tourist visa. My wife had to wait in Colombia from October until April - of course a month of that was our fault - we should not have waited so long to get a replacement packet from the embassy after the original packet was lost. We kept thinking it would show up - well, if after two weeks you haven't gotten it, don't wait - send someone to the embassy to get it.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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dwmte says on Jun 5, 2004, 13:39:

getting married in colombia i feel so sorry for all of you who have gone through the problems that are listed here and on cali gringo. whew.

my wife and i got married about 1990...piece of cake. most difficult part was the church. i requested a special dispensation from the bishop of medellin to be re-baptized as it was a custom back home to be married by the priest who baptized you. it was the first time this request had been granted. sooooo on our wedding day, i was baptized, recd holy communion, had my first communion, recd holy communion and finally got married and recd holy communion for the third time. our priest told us he had never heard of such a thing in all his years in the prieshood.

as far as the embassy issue was concerned, we flew into bogota, went to the embassy the next day, had every imaginable paper including birth documents and baptismal documents on her parents as well and special documents from the curia. my wife received her papers the following day. sure it was a pain in the ass, the embassy, or das or any govt office--colombian or american--always is. but we didn't go through all the hell ya'll talk about. my sympathies.

a note to you who have children there. it sure is cool to receive a u.s. birth cirtificate from the embassy "U.S. CITIZEN BORN ABROAD" for a birth cirtificate, it's really pretty. can't get one of those here in the states.

good luck to all of you getting married.

dwm

dwm

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peteolson says on Jun 29, 2004, 10:09:

letters Motherof 2. I came across some letters from my wife as I was unpacking as we had recently moved to London. I know some spanish....I'm suspicious of the content and would like someone from Bogota to tell me what they say........I know i shouldn't read them but trust me....somethings weird

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peteolson says on Jun 29, 2004, 10:10:

buffalograss33 at yahoo.com

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