Monday joke

nanis says on Sep 5, 2005, 13:47:

oh Desi you joker you! haha but as i'm so brutica can't seem to get the joke :(



att: la gata salvaje ;)

Gomezman5 says on Sep 5, 2005, 17:16:

Ja Ja ...Very funny :( More American bashing coming from our friends in Europe.

Mario says on Sep 5, 2005, 17:30:

I don't see it as American bashing G5. It's a joke. Bush is a joke. The whole administration has been a joke except the sad fact of the matter is that the joke is at the citizen's expense.

If Jay Leno or George Carlin, Whoopi Goldberg or Bill Maher can take him and his cabinet to task for his failed presidency, I think anybody being of the same mind should be able to do the same. American or not, it's not personal unless you make it personal. He's a public figure and an idiotic public figure, and therefore he's going to be the brunt of many more jokes to come from places near and far and I think that's far less than what he really deserves.

Impeachment would be a good start. Put the proceedings on pay per view (would be the highest ratings around) and give the proceeds to the families of the 1,800 + and counting dead U.S. soldiers who died for a damned lie.

Gomezman5 says on Sep 5, 2005, 17:50:

Yea Sure, Bush is a joke. A typical liberal in the PBH cheering squad is heard from

Sorry Mario......can't agree.

By the way, what does any of this have to do with Colombia? I know we go off subject a lot, but do we have to start threads that have absolutely nothing to do with Colombia? I wish Bush would cancel all the aide that is provided by Plan Colombia, then all the dreamers on this site who think Colombia is the last bastion of democracy, freedom and of course security, would have a real chance to see how wonderful a country Colombia would agree.

Mario says on Sep 5, 2005, 18:04:

Yeah I'm a "typical Liberal", so fucking what?

I'd rather call myself that, be called that or whatever floats your boat than to fall in among the masses of idiots who think this insane son of a bitch is a great president and something other than the fascist criminal that he is.

It's a joke thread. That's all it is (on a Colombia-centric website of course) but damned if anyone else gets off that Colombian focus and at the same time disagrees with you, you're right there to raise the lack of relevance to Colombia. This isn't a court room I'm afraid, dude. If it were, I'd be compiling all of the threads where you went off topic to prove the hypocracy.

Lucia Rojas says on Sep 5, 2005, 18:09:

jejeje Very funny Desi!

adrimm says on Sep 5, 2005, 18:21:

LOL Desi that's good.

Honestly G5 I hope you aren't blonde becuase I can't imagine how you might react to blonde jokes. Look at it this way, lots of people love to poke fun at Bill Gates, but that hardly means they are poking fun at everyone working for MS or lives off of an MS wage.

Imho, Dubya jokes are pretty universal, and while I'm not sure how relevent they are to PBH (or the timing given particular sensitivities - oops that must be my Canadian side coming out -) I'm still amused.
;)

Gomezman5 says on Sep 5, 2005, 19:38:

There we go....."Let the band play on" You liberals just get burnt beyond recognition when all we do is.......uh......mention the word liberal.

And wait...uh Adrimm
You're pretty funny too. I call someone a liberal (that's all I did) and out comes the venom, the foul language,with the implication that I am a member of "the masses of idiots". And then you imply that I am being over sensitive with your "blond" thing. Hmmm. I think you need to re-read my post and Mario's again....(with your glasses this time to make sure you see who really might have over reacted). In other words, try to be objective.

I'm just trying to figure out, why don't conservatives always get unhinged when they get called "The Far Right." I take it as a compliment.

One more thing......I'm done with this thread. I realize I'm outnumbered on this site with its cesspool of liberal thought.

Ja Ja

Go GW !!

Mario says on Sep 5, 2005, 20:36:

Me too I take it as a compliment also, being called a liberal because I have no qualms with that distinction and was quite far from being "unhinged" over the reference to me as: "typical liberal"; not the "mention of the word liberal". And beyond that, I love wading in my "cesspool of liberal thought"... or wading in it along with other people capable of thinking for themselves. I refuse the Kool-Aid, so to speak. Drink up.

Go GW !!

Straight to hell.

adrimm says on Sep 5, 2005, 22:08:

Ummm ok G5.... Venom?! Wow.... and it was punctuated with a smiley face..

Note to self: scatter smiley faces more liberally *ahem* so G5 can distinguish between friendly poke and venomous strike.

:) :) :)

Oh oops... Maybe now isn't the time to mention that I didn't vote for the Liberals last Fed election? Naww, might ruin your fun.

:) :) :) :)

LOL this is too funny, thank god for PBH. I'm going to bed!

Rubiazo says on Sep 5, 2005, 22:40:

Adrimm I didnt have you pegged as an Alliance kinda gal!! :P

Caballista says on Sep 6, 2005, 06:16:

Very funny just take a look of him in the new TV ad. Naked!!! jajajaja. He is a joke. A bad joke to the WORLD!!!!!!

Albatross says on Sep 6, 2005, 06:18:

Desi, you forgot... The thousands needed to takeover and reorganize the Philips light bulb company...

(even though the bulb was manufactured by Sylvania)

“Democracy - a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - H.L. Mencken

Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 6, 2005, 09:07:

European friends strike again? Nah, gomezman, got that one from Philadelphia...no, it's not very funny but I appreciated the biting sarcasm in it.

Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

kernow62 says on Sep 6, 2005, 09:43:

Must have been a European person living in Philly! A liberal one at that!

This sort of humour is intolerable, all future jokes must be directed at other nationalities.

Desideria (Moderator) says on Sep 6, 2005, 09:55:

I agree, kernow and worst of all, it isn't a European person living in Philly, it's a Colombiano living there...
Cheers,
Desi

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

kernow62 says on Sep 6, 2005, 09:59:

Well, they should be deported, if they don't like GW then send them back to their banana republic. Love it or leave it, love it or leave it, love it or leave it!!!

:-)
:-)
:-)

Smileys are for Gomez.

Miguel says on Sep 6, 2005, 10:30:

Speaking of "W" Don't miss the editorial on him "y su perro Barney" in today's EL TIEMPO.

kat1 (Moderator) says on Sep 6, 2005, 13:29:

Tuesday joke A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blonde, the BOUNCER is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blonde with a black belt in karate. "What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 lb and he's a blonde weight lifter," he continues, "The fella to your right is blonde, 6'5" and pushing 300 lb and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy goes: "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

engage brain before opening mouth

soccerstud says on Sep 6, 2005, 14:28:

great joke!!! bush sucks ass. why the hell the american people ever elected him will forever be a mystery all he has done is run this country to the ground.

tomtom33 says on Sep 6, 2005, 17:11:

Stud The answer is very simple. After four years of being run into the ground, the majority of the electorate did not share your opinion.

utopiacowboy says on Sep 6, 2005, 17:15:

Now, that was a funny joke, Kat.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

Mario says on Sep 6, 2005, 18:51:

The majority of the electorate drank the Kool-Aid.

"If the majority of the American public wasn't unconscionably stupid, how could we have tolerated the last four years?"
- Frank Zappa
(comment made as G.H.W.B. was running for a 2nd term - and lost to W.J.C., that cigar puffin', blue dress splashin' Dem-O-Crat).

Mario says on Sep 6, 2005, 19:12:

Associated Press (newswire) AP- September 6, 2005

Huntsville, Texas

"The Presidential Library of George W. Bush which was nearing completion has reportedly been engulfed in flames and destroyed, apparently the work of anti-Bush arsonists.

Both of his books, "The Cat in the Soggy, Contaminated Hat" and "The Old Lady Who Lived in a Big Wet Box in Biloxi" were found charred on the shelf. Forensics experts have determined they were placed on the shelf upside down, an indication that they were placed there by the President himself. Further investigations are currently underway."

adrimm says on Sep 7, 2005, 20:25:

Rubz, That's cos I'm not. :)

kernow62 says on Sep 8, 2005, 03:32:

Let me take a guess Adrimm? ;-) je je

big kugz says on Sep 9, 2005, 17:54:

QUE LE DIJO COMCEL A MOVILSTAR??? HOLA!!!

poco says on Sep 9, 2005, 18:42:

Must be the cold weather A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Sweden. Swedish search and rescue workers have recovered 3000 bodies thus far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

There was a fire in the royal library in Sweden, and the king was utterly depressed because both books were burned and he'd only gotten around to painting in one of them.

Once there was two Norwegian and a Swedish testpilot who flew a SAAB- JAS fighter plane. Suddenly the plane caught fire and everyone realize that they'll have to bail out. However there are only two parachutes in the plane. The Swede suddenly interrupts, "Intellektet mitt er for stort til at det kan gaa tapt. Jag tar den ena skjaarmen och hoppar." [My intellect is so big that it can't possibly be lost to mankind. I will take one of the parachutes.] Then he grabs the chute and jumps. "What are we going to do now?" ask on of the Norwegians. "Well, we'll just jump. The great intellect grabbed my back-sack."

The Swedish mountaineer Christer Olsson, has stated in a press-conference that his attempt to climb over the sound-barrier has failed again.

The Russians have found a new easy way to sink Swedish subs. The method is very simple, they just send a diver down to knock on the sub's hatch. Upon which the Swedes reply, "Kom inn" (Come in). After the diver has waited awhile he knocks again, and then the Swedes will open the hatch to see who it is.

There once was this Swede who after year of waiting, finally got to be lobotomized. But when the surgeon removed the top of his head, he found that there wasn't anything in there, except this little strand of thread. The surgeon didn't know what to do, so he cut off the tread. Guess what happened then???? The Swede's ears fell off...

Once there came a customer into the store and asked, "Kan jag få två smørgåssar?" (May I have two sandwitches). The store-clerk then asked, "Are you Swedish?" whereupon the customer said, " er det fordi jag sa 'smørgåssar de skjønnte at jag var svensk?" (is it because I said 'smørgåssar' i.e. the swedish word for sandwich, you knew I was a Swede). The clerk made a cunning smirk, "no, it is because you're in a hardware store."

After traveling through Sweden last summer, I noticed that they had something written on the bottom of their soft drink bottles, "Åpnas på andra sidan" (Opens on the other end).

Did you ever hear about the swede who went ice-fishing and returned home with 10lbs of ice?

Did you ever hear about the swede who hijacked a submarine and asked for 100.00 Kronor in ransom and a parachute?

Then there's the story about the swede who was building himself a house. One of his friends came by and asked why the heck he threw away every second nail? "They have the nail-head in the wrong end", the man replied. His friend became furious with him and shouted, "How stupid can you get? Don't you realize that those nails were made to be used on the other side of the house???"

There were these two Swedish hunter-buddies who went to Norway and bought a "fågelhund" that is, a bird dog. Later they returned to Sweden to test the dog, but they were rather disappointed. Finally one of the guys said "We've been cheated, we might as well just give the dog away." The other Swede looked back at his buddy, "Yeah, we'll give him one more chance. Throw him up in the air again, and if he doesn't fly we'll just have to give him away to someone else."

A swede made a trip to New York and while standing in front of the Empire State building, he started to count all the floors. A policeman came by and thought to himself: "That one must be Swedish" and decided to take advantage of him. He went up to him and said: "Do you know that it's illegal to count the floors on buildings in the United States?" The Swede replied: "No sir, I did not." The police officer then said: "I'm afraid I'll have to charge you $10.00 per floor you counted." The Swede then said: "Oh, I counted 50 floors sir." The police officer left, very happy. Then, a Swedish comrade came along and asked what had just happened. His friend replied: "My, how these Americans are stupid! I told him that I had counted 50 floors when I had really counted 51!"

A Swedish space-scientist came running into the office of his norwegian colleague. "The Swedes will be the first to send a manned spaceship to the sun," he said. The Norwegian colleague responded, "But the temperature will be millions of degrees there!" The Swede stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said, "Oh, don't worry, we will be landing during the night."

Two Norwegians were telling Swedish jokes. "Do you know how to save a Swede from drowning?" the one said. "No," his friend said after a little while. The first Norwegian grinned, "Oh, That's good."

A Swede was driving along an interstate-highway for the first time. As he was listening to the radio the music was suddenly interrupted by a warning message which said that there was a car driving the wrong way on the highway. "ONE?" the Swede yells out, "there are several hundred of them out there!"

A Swede was asked if he had lived in Stockholm all his life. "Not yet," he answered.

There was a power failure in Stockholm, and hundreds of Swedes were trapped in escalators.

There were these two Swedish twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

"Daddy, I'm pregnant," the daughter said. "Hey, wait a minute. Are you sure it's yours?" the Swedish father responded.

In the washroom of all Swedish restaurants there is a sign saying, "Never throw your cigarette into the toilet. Remember that it is difficult to light up a wet cigarette.."

There was this Swede who once got home and found his wife in bed with another man. He was so angry that he got a gun and pointed it to his own head. "NO! Don't do that," his wife begged. "Shut up woman! You'll be next," the angry Swede replied.

There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell a joke, whereupon a guy got up and said that he could tell a Swedish joke. Suddenly a woman in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm Swedish." The guide looked at her and said, "Oh, that's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."

The little Swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer were so much longer. The teacher answered, "Oh, that's because the heat makes everything expand."

Then there's the one about the Swede who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of his...

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Dane were arrested in France during the French revolution. They each got to choose which way they would die. The Norwegian chose the guillotine. His head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck. The French saw this as a sign from God and decided to let him go. The same thing happened to the Dane. Then they asked the Swede how he wanted to die. "I think I'll die by hanging, that guillotine doesn't work anyway," he said.

The Stockholm police got a wanted person report from Interpol. With the fax there was a picture of the criminal, from right, left and straight on. Four days later the Swedish police sent the following fax to Interpol: "We've found the guys on the left and the right, and one of our officers are about to arrest the guy in the middle."

A Swede was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman. He whispered into her ear, "I love you." She smiled and whispered back, "I love you too!" There was a little pause, the Swede was thinking, then he whispered, "I love you three."

A Swedish student was in a bookstore. "This book will do half the job for you," the clerk said. "Good, I will have two, " the Swede replied.

In a Swedish army camouflage book: "When the soldier is moving through woodland, he's supposed to break off branches and put them on his helmet. When he is moving through cornfields, he's to break off some cornstalks and put them on his helmet. When the soldier is moving through a cabbage field he's supposed to take off his helmet for the best camouflage."

The sale of Vodka has increased dramatically in Sweden during the last year. The reason, they believe, is that they wish to become fluent in Russian.

The Swedish Doctor to his patient: "It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

Sweden got a 5th place on a cross-country ski contest in Falun/Sweden. The next day the following text was written in the paper, "Again, Sweden did great in cross-country. There had to be 4 foreigners to beat one simple Swede."

A Swede was reading the phonebook, "Svenson... Svenson.. Svenson.. It's incredible how many phones that guy has."

There was this Swedish teacher who was yelling at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said. One of the kids put up his hand. "But there aren't that many in this class,".

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov