me STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sanandressi says on May 26, 2008, 13:29:

Well, who is she? Does she have kids? Single? Who does she live with? Does she speak English? Do you speak Spanish? Does she have a job? Does she live with BOTH parents or just one?

I guarantee you this, you bring any girl HERE from THERE and you are going to pay a lot more HERE so answer some of the questions I ask above and tell her you are going to move to Colombia to live with her there and see how she reacts? Your decision in the end.

"FDR in 1929 as president went on televison..." Joe Biden DEMOCRAT VP candidate who just keeps on giving! FDR elected 1932 and television appeared in the 1950''s LOL

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Lcacique says on May 26, 2008, 14:09:

I wouldn't say all gringos are like that, but many. And I do find it hilarious when they complain that the women only want their money and they come here crying about how they are being used. Why would they want anything else? Generally, these types have little else to offer. Then, of course, there are the real winners like viajero...but hey, to each their own. And juanfer, I also know some gringos/gringas who have wonderful/honest relationships with colombianas/colombianos.

Having said this, nobody here can give you any advice that you shouldn't already know, Tom. I do not know the girl, her situation/background, etc. nor do I know you. I have no idea about your relationship. So, I'm sorry...but I can't help you out. Nevertheless, it seems like lunacy to marry someone that you have spent a total of 8 weeks with...that's just me.

Hoy se nota en la floresta un ambiente de alegría. ¡Y el rumor de ranchería es mas dulce y sabe a fiesta!

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 14:20:

Lcac: Was supprised to see you comment on this one , jeje
But very well put....

Tom - it is true, only you know the answer. I find it best to gauge these things the way you would any other situation (unless you mislead her and made some promises $$ you forgot to mention?). She is in Colombia. Long distance relationships are difficult and should be well thought through...

I am not indicating this applies to you - But I do find people that get involved in these types of situations are not looking at the fact that they are Emotionally Unavailable.

I wish you the best. Lcac said it best for me;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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sanandressi says on May 26, 2008, 14:23:

Hey Juanfer...I flagged your post.

Funny, I know quite a few Americans who are divorced not once, twice but even three times and they thought they knew the American woman in question. Most of the women in those MARRIAGE AGENCIES seemed to be divorced with kids so what was wrong with those homegrown Colombian men they were married too?

I met one American in Colombia who was asked how he could marry a Colombian when she spoke no English and his Spanish was limited. He said "I was married to an American who could speak the Queen's English as well if not better than I could and I never could understand a word she was saying." To each their own I suppose.....BTW Wait until legal GAY marriage is the norm in the United States. Then you will have homosexuals demanding the right to obtain visas for their lover spouses......in places like Colombia!

"FDR in 1929 as president went on televison..." Joe Biden DEMOCRAT VP candidate who just keeps on giving! FDR elected 1932 and television appeared in the 1950''s LOL

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billyb says on May 26, 2008, 14:23:

Yup, Lcac summed it up pretty well.

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papiChulo says on May 26, 2008, 14:33:

juanfer's post is they way many Colombians feel about gringos either that and/or coke-heads. Most peoples opinions are based on some facts i guess. From what I see I can see how they come to their conculsions or streotypes.

I hope juanfer's posy is left there its really not that ofensive... just somebody's opinion.

OP... man you know yourself the best and you know your girl better than me so what possiable advice could I give you? Be a man and make your own decisions about your own fate... no offence intended... suerte

some of the rudest people I know don't smoke

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 14:33:

Sanandressi: Wait until legal GAY marriage is the norm in the United States. Then you will have homosexuals demanding the right to obtain visas for their lover spouses.

On that note....Kitty is curious are there any countries that do this now?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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papiChulo says on May 26, 2008, 14:35:

catGril... yes Canada for one, probably Australia and I would say most of Europe

some of the rudest people I know don't smoke

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 14:36:

Papi; Gracias

ps - I know it is a common BBQ holiday but please dont gril me! jejeje (joke)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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OneHappyBoy says on May 26, 2008, 14:46:

ok............so, now we have gotten past the bitterness. When I married my wife, she was 44 and living with family... She was working and didn't ask for one dime...I offered it many times. I bought her a ticket for the states, we got married, and then she asked for cash, not much, just enough to provide the essentials and contribute a little to her household, while she waited in Colombia for the visa to be approved. We established some ground rules upfront about that, and then I gave. It was enough of an allowance to provide for her in the manner she was accustom, AND NO MORE! A guy takes care of his responsibilities. Now we have a wonderful life together and we treat each other like best friends.

NOW for you.. understand, NEVER SEND MONEY BEFORE A FIRM COMMITMENT! (like marriage or a fiancee visa has been filed) NO, its not like, "Don't feed the Monkeys" at the zoo never; if she needs a little one time help, great!, just not laptops, I-pods, etc. It poisons the whole situation. Remember, if your novia is used to living on $200- $400 USD a month, she doesn't suddenly need a couple of hundred from you on a regular basis. just like in the US.. you wouldn't give money to a girl you've dated a few times, just becuase she asked, (unless you are dating hookers)

YES, alot of the Chicas are poor by our standards and want a better life, no different than my wife. Find one who is mature and sincere and KNOWS not to gorge themselves at the trough; one closer to your age. Also, if you are old(er) don't go look for a 20 something chica to hang with, you are just a wallet to them, because they know there is no common ground between you..and the two years needed to be considered permanent resident in the US=divorce.. There are a lot of great single Colombianas in their 30's and 40's who are absolutely gorgeous and well educated, (like my sister in laws) that would kill for a wonderful man who is honest, sincere, and willing to be a partner.

So, if you are serious with this chica, laydown the law, don't send cash, and have a SERIOUS conversation about your future and your expectations on helping out. My wife; she is back in school, updating her degree she recieved in Colombia and works part time. Not because we need it, but so she can be functional in this society.

hope this gives you some insight.

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fujiman says on May 26, 2008, 15:08:

I think OneHappyBoy gave you some sound advice. It can apply not only in Colombia but wherever you deal with women, even the good ol USA.

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nueva york bombero says on May 26, 2008, 15:16:

so how do I get introduced to your sister in law???
One happy boy....where's the love?

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 15:18:

Maybe OHB is Ewyed?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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sloopskipper says on May 26, 2008, 15:22:

sanandressi says on May 26, 2008, 14:23: flag

"Hey Juanfer...I flagged your post."

I did also as it was simply hateful. If someone is so anti-gringo, or whatever, why hang out on a site mostly directed towards people from other countries who live in, or have an interest in Colombia?

Get a life!

I think the poster already knows the answer in his own heart.

Deep down, people are not SO different, at least in Europe or the Americas, (maybe a bit more pro-active [and needy] in Latin America).

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OneHappyBoy says on May 26, 2008, 15:40:

who is Ewyed, Catgirl?

About meeting my sister in laws, we will have to talk, if you are a great guy.. They are a great family that i respect A LOT and they are very cool Senoras.

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sloopskipper says on May 26, 2008, 15:40:

It seems that juanfer is toast. His comment disappeared, and searching for him produced no results.

Que lastima!

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sloopskipper says on May 26, 2008, 15:46:

But, a further to tom73b,

You must realize that if you marry a latina, you also will assume some of her responsibity toward her family.

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juanfer says on May 26, 2008, 16:41:

hi there

i am very aware that there are wonderful, kind generous americans and foreigners out there, and i mean no disrespect to those who come to this country to share, learn and embrace our culture....

I do object to...... and as far as i was aware this was an opinion page, a place where people can share their view points.... i object to the exploitation of a poor country, poor women, and men and treating your wife like a child as opposed to your equal. If you cant trust someone why marry them?

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papiChulo says on May 26, 2008, 16:49:

juanfer... here here. I totally agree with you.
These loser POS's deserve nothing but your distain. Man I have met these loser type guys down there. They have no game, can't talk to a woman unless they are drunk. Throw the money around thinking the poor locals will respect them and cry like a little bitch and complain about Colombia and Colombians when they don't get their way.
Well we can only hope they get the little pirannas they deserve.

some of the rudest people I know don't smoke

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miamimike says on May 26, 2008, 16:58:

NOW for you.. understand, NEVER SEND MONEY BEFORE A FIRM COMMITMENT! (like marriage or a fiancee visa has been filed) NO, its not like, "Don't feed the Monkeys" at the zoo never; if she needs a little one time help, great!, just not laptops, I-pods, etc. It poisons the whole situation. Remember, if your novia is used to living on $200- $400 USD a month, she doesn't suddenly need a couple of hundred from you on a regular basis. just like in the US.. you wouldn't give money to a girl you've dated a few times, just becuase she asked, (unless you are dating hookers)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OHBOY--I disagree with you would and add this to your Caveat Emptor---"NEVER SEND MONEY BEFORE A FIRM COMMITMENT,,, ******AND NOT UNTIL WE ARE BOTH TOGETHER AND I SEE HOW, WHEN, ON WHAT AND WHOM THE MONEY IS BEING SPENT********. In other words, you take a huge risk sending money overseas to a person who isn't your wife and even if she is, american guys have lost a Ton of money sending $$$ to their foreign brides. Seen it in in the Philippines, South American, Carribbean. A Good Educated(would you want any other kind?) Colombian Woman( and there are many) would not accept money sent in this manner as it makes them feel beholdened to the sender,,,

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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badboy says on May 26, 2008, 17:10:

It's probably more of an age thing than a being an ugly or unattractive thing. Older guys believe they can get a much younger woman than they could get in the U.S. There's very strong institutional bias against anything much more than a 3-4 year age spread difference. There's all kinds of exceptions but most social life is organized around couples being similar in age. Especially for those 20-35. A 40 year old guy with a 20 year old woman is viewed much differently than a 55 year old guy with a 35 year old woman.

Guys head to Colombia believing age differences don't matter. They sure seem to but maybe not as much as the U.S. Age differences in most of Europe are also more socially acceptable.

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 18:24:

Sloop: You must realize that if you marry a latina, you also will assume some of her responsibity toward her family.

I disagree with accepting that this is the reality; ) I don't have to "realize anything" and don;t tell me to do it either. There is no gospel out there carved on stone that has this quote on it.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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OneHappyBoy says on May 26, 2008, 18:52:

Mike-you are right.. My point exactly, if you are married to a foreign bride, MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PAYING FOR, and if it sounds dubious don't send the money.

As for your comment about and educated Colombiana accepting money, you are right, if they need help, they will certainly be open to a frank and direct conversation about exactly why they are asking, and they won't "nickel and dime" you with multiple financial requests.

All I am saying is you would probably feel a bit odd if a girl you dated for a few weeks in NYC said she was madly in love with you, and "by the way, could you spare a couple of $100's and bring me a laptop?". No different in Colombia, you would run like HELL!!

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 19:05:

OHB & MM - Very well put....

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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sloopskipper says on May 26, 2008, 19:12:

CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 18:24: flag

"Sloop: You must realize that if you marry a latina, you also will assume some of her responsibity toward her family."

But Cat, don't you agree this is often the case? Not that I say this is wrong, to help your new family.

I am gringo and married a woman from another country and once a little help came the other way, when we bought our house.

I am currently helping a family in Cali, gladly.

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miamimike says on May 26, 2008, 20:43:

OHB--When my Wife(foreign fiancee then) came to the USA to marry me, she paid her own way. She paid for her Plane Ticket to come here after we were engaged and I filed the Fiancee Visa.and after we were married, we split Household bills right down the middle. Before we were married I never sent her One Red Cent,,,And she never would have accepted it anyways,,,

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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miamimike says on May 26, 2008, 20:47:

OHB--"Mike-you are right.. My point exactly, if you are married to a foreign bride, MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PAYING FOR, and if it sounds dubious don't send the money. "
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OHB--you still misunderstand me, it would never get to that point of sounding Dubious where I might send money. Sending Money would be a Non-Even that would never get to the present tense(send) 1st person as I unless I was there to see how, on what, when and Why the money was spent it just wouldn't happen...

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 21:20:

Sloop ' my issue here is with the wording

¨¨You "must realize" that if you marry a latina, you also "will assume"

I say this kindly to you...and with soft words
you are stating something that I do not see as a Fact, as a Fact (it may be a fact for you though;)
First of all, latina/o has nothing to do with it. If I am married I CHOOSE to assume these things because I want to and because I care, not because somebody told me that is the Latin way ;)))).
I know Many Latina/os that could care less about their families and especially their spouses families. So I do not "assume" that since someone is a latina that this is the case. Maybe it is the case for you...but I have yet to see it.

I agree only that if you are married, it is a familial union and you should take care of your family as best you can (but not enable them)...no matter where you were born.

I also agree that this is one wonderful commonly spoken of dynamic of the Latin Culture and it is wonderful ;)) ...but I also think it is breaking down because of the new ways. Embrace it while you can.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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Lcacique says on May 26, 2008, 21:36:

Some good points by miamimike and OHB; that thankfully dispell the myth that colombianas are only after one thing. I do not like discussing my personal life on here, but I spent time in a lovely relationship with a Colombian woman who was easily the most amazing partner I have ever had...(she wasn't a sex object or a maid...I'm not looking for either). She always tried to pay her own way and often excused herself from the table to pay a bill behind my back (and this girl was not made of money). It made me feel odd at times (as I was always prepared and happy to pay her way); nevertheless, I know that it made her feel good...so why not? Anyway, I wish you both continued happiness!

Hoy se nota en la floresta un ambiente de alegría. ¡Y el rumor de ranchería es mas dulce y sabe a fiesta!

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 21:42:

And Sloop....please understand, I would really like to see this familial thing more everywhere. I am all "for" it. But for me I cannot assume it - I have found it perplexing when I do. As many of my latin friends and family members are nothing like what is "typically" described.

Lots of "fair weathered" stuff I see, but when the chips are down....it seems to be a toss up in what country the person is from as to who will help.
I have seen Latin wives abandoned by their Latin husbands in times of need because they are sick or disabled, children scattered and abandoned, families torn and divorce because the Latin way is to take care of your own and the hubby/wife cant take the inlaws....so there's my baseline. If you are supportive of your Latina....kudos to you. But I would hope you did it because you love her and you are a good person, not because it was some caveat stated to you as a family value;))

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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miamimike says on May 26, 2008, 22:26:

CatGirl--Not like the "Typical" kind described in this Miami Herald News Article. BTW, this exact type of atrocity occurs at least a couple times monthly in the Miami Area,,,

Fernando Bonilla told his wife, Maria Alejandro, he had come over Friday evening to discuss their pending divorce.

Instead, police say, he shot her and her son's 19-year-old girlfriend, Orquidia Reyes, multiple times at point-blank range as they sat in the living room couch of Reyes's home.

Minutes later, as Miami police rushed to the scene, Bonilla showed up at Miami-Dade police's Northside station, gun in hand. Placing the semi-automatic pistol on the counter, he surrendered.

''I just killed my wife,'' he told them in Spanish, according to Miami-Dade police.


http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking_news/story/545792.html

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 23:10:

Yep..MM. One of many things I have seen and heard. Sad story...Colomiano/a - Latino/a. No matter.

Sloop, if you are helping a family member out - there is also a good chance that if you were not doing it, I could bet a good amount of $...who else in the family would? If they could, they would be splitting the bills with you now, correct? So do it cause you want to, not because someone put it in your head that it is the Latin Cultural way. And know what it is....
That's all

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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OneHappyBoy says on May 26, 2008, 23:14:

Miami Mike- kudos to you and your wife.. I was lucky enough to find a really great lady, who I trusted and she trusted me, and life's great.  As far as expenses, sounds like you guys have a great thing going. My wife's education in Colombia was in healthcare, and she needed to take classes to sit for her boards here, in the US. When she sits for her boards, she will be economically self sufficient and will do her part.

I do want to say this. I have not met one Colombiana over 30 who was looking for a "free ride" from a gringo. They would LOVE to find a great guy, whether a gringo or Colombiano, that would be good to them, and offer them a chance at a better life, no matter how self sufficient they already are.. I think alot of this BS about Colombianas out for a buck is really all about dumb *ss gringos who think they can throw around a bunch of cash and "buy a hot 20 something" chica. The typical guy that complains about being screw over is a 35 dude, thinking he can end up with a 20 year old and decides to fall in love over a long weekend. Ain't happening in Seattle, LA, or NYC. It ain't happening in Colombia either.

Just remember, a fool and his money will soon part.

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CatGirl says on May 26, 2008, 23:20:

OHB - I am sooooo very happy for you BTW ;))

Agreed ;)) ...There are insecure people and people that take advantage them them everywhere ;)

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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miamimike says on May 27, 2008, 00:34:

OHB---Forgot to tell you. The Marriage ended a long time ago, like in 1991,,,And no more,,,once was enough. Thank God I didn't have much invested! Maybe she thought I was too cheap! LOL

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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OneHappyBoy says on May 27, 2008, 21:12:

Thanks Cat! Miami ! thats too funny!! Marriage is alot like shooting dice, sometimes snake eyes, sometimes 6's

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