Mary me.....marry my family...sound familiar?

calipro says on Aug 4, 2007, 10:44:

You can't give what you don't have and I was never rich.

My first colombian wife came from a poor family and if we had given them anything we would have had to do without ourselves. She got a job about six months after she got here and she sent about 25% of her pay home and I never bothered to try and stop her.

My current wife comes from a fairly well off family. All of them have good jobs, own their houses out right and have cars.

They don't need my money and wouldn't take money from me even if they were down on their luck. I think they are still a little pissed that I married married my wife at such a young age.

You have to set limits right from the start on the money thing. You have to decide what you want to spend on your relationship and stick to it. If she leaves she leaves and if she stays then great.

You have to understand that when you buy your colombiana a car she is going to start asking for house and the most important thing is how she handles the "NO". If she really loves you it won't be that bad.

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vicshere says on Aug 4, 2007, 10:57:

good answer calipro...same here ....the first day I moved to Colombia I made my wife very aware that the little money I had was for me and my new immediate family including her 9 year old daughter... and I couldn't possibly afford to support anyone else......in the last 5 years they have never asked for a penny....it think its all about how you begin the relationship with the family

listo

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bufalo says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:01:

Yup, I third that....

"No" from day 1.

But I should honestly say that when we both lived in neutral countries, Spain and Uruguay, and it was only us, that was the most stress free environment we had lived in. Don't have to worry about impressing any families, any "crisis" are far away.

My wife's family has about....4 or 5 major crisises happening right now, we are both involved only to the point we want to be, which isn't much. Let them fix their own problems.

Actually my wife talked about getting her sis to live with us in the states when we move there and I was secretly happy when I heard it was a ten year wait!

"If you don't like it - lump it, take it down the road and dump it." - Archie Bunker played by Carroll O'Connor

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Azul says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:03:

jajajaja...sister's cell phone bills.... I'm not laughing at you, I'm definitely laughing with you because I have been there too! And yes, my answer was no.
I think that there is a lot of misunderstanding that not every US citizen has more than enough money. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "es solo 500,000, no es mucho en dollars." The US is the land of golden opportunities in the minds of many poor and hardworking Colombians, and many just don't understand that lots of people in the US are living paycheck to paycheck too.

las cosas caen por su propio peso

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jinksmiester says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:04:

I think some of this has to do with the way colombians are raised for the most part.Most ive met are very family oriented and poor by most world standards.Contributing to the family is something that each family member does.If they did,nt and just one person was left to carry the load for the entire family it would be very hard to make ends meet for some of them.
Its true some colombians may percieve you as rich...depending where you are from you probably are by there standard.My wifes family is poor by my standards here in canada and while not obligated i do try to help out.My wife ...just like her sisters and brothers wants to contribute to her mothers household so we send a little to help out.To be fair i make more income than one off her sisters can make in a day on a 15 min coffee break.I want to help them out...they are very good people.They have never asked me to help out...i just see with my own eyes there is need.

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

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Azul says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:04:

Good advice Vic

las cosas caen por su propio peso

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Azul says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:08:

I agree, helping is great. Seeing what they do with so little, it makes me want to do what I can. But it's when the help becomes "expected" that I get a little irritated.

las cosas caen por su propio peso

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Brian858 says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:39:

The problem starts if you marry someone from a different economic class than you. My first wife was from a very poor family in Brasil. She had little education and came from a completely different world. So money was sent monthly to Brasil for years. My current wife comes from a middle class family and we don't lend any money to anyone. My wifes parents are always bailing out the cousins that live in Colombia but we try to stay out of that mess.

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nothatsure says on Aug 4, 2007, 11:52:

Thanks..all your comments make sense.Obviously no is the operative word here...and actually I really thought we (hubby and I) were very clear about this...so I was obvioulsy put out when the most recent request for money was met.Like in Azul' post I was given the excuse that the amount is not a great deal when translated into dollars...but that really isn't the point.
Like Calipro.we are not rich,just comfortably off.Neither do I have middle class parents who are willing to send money to help with this extended family(I wouldn't ask them if I had...but believe me..I have seen it happen with rich middle class gringos)

My husband has never had had to pay his own mortgage or think about pension provision...things like that so he doesn't understand why I get all worked up about money been "given away" just like that. From day one I made it very clear that I am not a rich gringa...and that any money we make would be exclusively for us...unless of course we were lucky enough to win the lottery or something......now that would be a different story!

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Philly says on Aug 4, 2007, 13:07:

I think its about how you carry yourself. My wife has a rich sister and brother -in- law by Colombia standards. We actually do not talk to her family. The sister and her husband thinks they they are God. They treat everyone like crap, including family members because they have money. I actually got in a fist fight with the sisters husband because of how he was talking to my wife. He is what you call here a "chivito", I think that is how you spell it. He has no class, no education, and no manners. I am the only one in this entire town who refuses to listen to his insults. So, I doubt very much anyone will have the nerve to ask us for anything because they all think the "chivitos" are God and we are the bad people.

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RussianFred says on Aug 4, 2007, 13:43:

I support my family in the USA. I help my brother, sister and my mother. Why should Colombia be any different.

Annual Drug Deaths: Tobacco: 395,000, Alcohol: 125,000, 'Legal' Drugs: 38,000, Illegal Drug Overdoses: 5,200, Marijuana: 0. Considering government subsidies of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war?--Ralph Nader

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expatriate says on Aug 4, 2007, 13:58:

Every time my Colombiana wife and I have given money to her brothers and sisters, we have found out that the reason for the request was an an outright lie.

It all went to gambling at the casino, and later gambling debts. They can live without our savings paying for their fun and problems. So, of course, we cut them off, and now of course they don't talk to us anymore.

If you are young, skilled, and intelligent, you might want to seriously consider leaving the US now, while you still can.

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scotty says on Aug 4, 2007, 14:29:

marry the woman you marry the family, if the family needs money guess who sends it.

Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash

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ColombianoGringo says on Aug 4, 2007, 14:32:

I think that since most of you are not Colombian, you don't get the underlying way that Colombian families can stick together.

I was born and grew up in the US. My mom's parents and siblings came to the US when I was a kid. My dad's side of the family in Colombia is very wealthy and don't need or want help, while my mom's parents here in the US don't have very much. Consequently, I help my maternal grandparents out with things like car insurance and phone bills, while my parents help them with other, larger items. As far as I can remember, my family has always helped each other. One brother might help pay the other's education, and then that brother in turn might help another sibling or other family member once they come up. This is a way for families to help "pull each other up".

My wife's family has never asked me for a dime. However, if the day came that they fell on hard times and needed a little help, I would be more than glad to do it.

I am sure that some families can abuse the wallet of the gringo-in-law, and you should handle them accordingly. But don't automatically think that you are being taken advantage of, just because your spouse occasionally wants to help their family.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Aug 4, 2007, 14:53:

I married into a middle-class Colombian family and there was never any question of us helping them; it was always the other way around. When still living in Colombia, my in-laws helped us in a small way, with money lent and as co-signers. My mother-in-law would sometimes complain that none of her sons gave her money like her brothers had given to their mother, but she was quite comfortable and didn't need any help from her children. They were there, however, always for us and we knew that we could count on them if things got really hard, but my father-in-law was a thrifty man and didn't believe in giving away his hard-earned money to his sons.

I married into a Colombian family and was a member of that family until the death of my in-laws; at that point the family just fell apart and have ever been in each other's throats because of the inheritance.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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Conchale Vale!! says on Aug 4, 2007, 14:57:

There is nothing wrong with this if both people in the marriage agree. However in her example it sounds like there might of been a large amount of money sent and she may have expressed her disagreement in the past. That is a problem. These are some of problems that are faced when you marry another culture. For example in a completely American family helping out financially does happen but generally it requires a lot more serious issue to even ask for money. Some families are more closely knit and do this for lesser issues. But normally there is also a expectation to repay as well. In the same token that is why children are expected move out and make it on their own much earlier here. Sadly many couples do not discuss how this will be handled before the get married. The real problem here is that is sort of disrespects American culture as if it is wrong to not want to do this. These types of issues are what make multi cultural relationships both really interesting but extremely difficult. My advice for notthatsure is this. If he is sending money from your normal family income..then tell him to get a second job if he feels he must do this...that way it may change what are considered serious issues requiring money

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houstongal says on Aug 4, 2007, 16:26:

Lots of people get divorced because of differences in how money is viewed without the added stress of being from different cultures. So realize that getting to a resolution on this issue is important for the sake of your marriage. You are already sounding like bitterness is setting in and it's time for drastic measures.

I assume you guys have a joint bank account? Perhaps it would make more sense if you and he had separate accounts. You can divvy up who pays which bills (I'll pay the mortgage, he pays the cable bill, etc.) from your personal accounts. Other joint expenses such as vacations, furniture, etc. should be negotiated up front on how they will be paid and what % each party will contribute. I know this sounds rather business-like, but if that's what it takes for you to feel better that *your* money isn't helping out his family while he can help them out if he wants to, then so be it. If you think this is too drastic and the "us-ness" is missing, then keep the joint account but still maintain your own personal accounts. But the joint account should be used for joint bills (you would both contribute a pre-determined amount). Of course, if you have joint credit cards it probably is a good idea to get rid of them and have your own cards. Remember, I am only suggesting such drastic measures because I get the impression that you are hung up on this money issue and are beginning to get bitter over it. You two have different thoughts about money, which are pretty deep-rooted and almost impossible to change. Thus, in my opinion, separate accounts may be the best way of resolving this issue. Good luck!

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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nothatsure says on Aug 4, 2007, 17:23:

Loads of great advice.Thanks a lot. You're right...musn't let bitterness get into what is in all other ways a good relationship.Actually I have given him an ultimatum...basically to think really hard about whether he can say no to his family and if he can't...to not bother coming back from Colombia(He's staying out there for another month) Seems hard,I know but I have decided I can't do this family thing...at least not with his family because quite frankly they are taking the p****.

To give an example...some months ago his nephew got a place at one of the free universities in Bogota.Now I was all for giving a helping hand there...give a young man the opportunity for a good education and a chance in life.....but this kid doesn´t want to find student digs...oh no...he wants a flat to himself in estrato 4...even my husband appreciated how ludicrous this was.When we said no way...find sme student digs...share with other people as students throuhout the world do....he changed his mind and said he wasn't going to study.His loss.Thats the way it is with this family.They all expect something for nothing.He has 7 sublings and only 2 of them work.The rest laze around the house all day playing with their expensive cellphones.They are not rich but they are not poor either.The eldest sister does all the work...she has a good business and shop and all the family it seems live off her.It's ok while times are good but when money is short...that's when the requests start.

So you see my predicament? I am not talking about a family who is down on its luck and practically in the gutter.I am talking about a family of able bodied eople...all capable of working and putting something into the family business but can't be bothered a)because big sis does all the work and b) Now their brother has married a gringa they're made for life(or so they think).That's why I resent the money issue.

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houstongal says on Aug 4, 2007, 18:10:

I get the picture. And it seems that you've been steaming about this for some time. So if he comes back, I think you guys have some things to work out. I've sent you a PM.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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jinksmiester says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:10:

Well said colombiano gringo......
Bieng a part of a family means caring a bit about the needs of others. I am born canadian but i respect my wifes family and how they do things...with everyone looking to help out and contribute when and where there is a need.That in my opinion is what family is all about. That said...im sure some people do look to take advantage ...its about having your proiritys right....if someone needs help to buy medicine or some nesscesity im glad to help out...on the other hand if they ran up a huge cell phone bill id say get lost...but no one in my colombian family is like that...they don,t ask for anything and i just try to help out where i see a need.

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

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Dan says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:21:

While my wife was still in Colombia between the marriage and visa, I would send money for her. She didn't say anything at first but after awhile, she kept asking for more because she ran out, later I found out that it was going to her mom and I kept telling her not to do it because I don't have that much. Some emergency would come up where she would HAVE to send something. Later on, when she was in the states, she did the same thing. Not always telling me, she would go hang out with friends and send money when i was at work or doing something else. Not only with the sending money back home, she would also buy clothes and shoes at the beginning of the month after pay day and then start complaining that there was no money for food, or gas for the car or anything else.
Anyway, with all that has been going on with my wife, I'm not going to be in a hurry to find someone else, so much for trying to start a family.

God Bless America!

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houstongal says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:36:

Dan, sounds like your wife doesn't really understand what a budget is and that money just doesn't grow on trees. It's almost like the behavior you would expect from a child. IMHO, you may need to teach her about budgeting, much like you would with a child (perhaps an allowances like they used to do in the 50's?). You realize that she's going to continue to do this unless she learns how to better manage money don't you? Sorry to sound like Dr. Phil when you didn't ask for advice.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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Dan says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:39:

I tried that.. I changed my pay to once a month and even made up my own ledger wrote down what to start of with the beginning of the month and anytime I paid for something (ie, food) I would put it down... she just ignored it and kept doing what she did before... I explained it a few times... didn't sink in.

God Bless America!

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houstongal says on Aug 4, 2007, 19:52:

Well Dan, you can always take all the charge cards and check books away and give her an allowance and have her create her budget and complete her own ledger (which she needs to show you how she's doing). She really has to do this on her own or she will never learn. And she's got to be accountable to you for the $. If she doesn't, you can cut her off cold turkey (I used to be an HR manager and this is the same thing I used to go through with managers with problem employees). Unfortunately, every time you bail her out she's not going to learn how to do it on her own. It's not going to be easy but it's got to be easier than living with her spending all your money and thinking that there will always be more.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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deathnova says on Aug 4, 2007, 20:34:

Some folks tithe, others marry Colombians ;)

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houstongal says on Aug 4, 2007, 20:37:

Ha ha! Good one deathnova! Is this the Church of Colombia? Is it a non-profit so we could write our "donations" off our taxes?

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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deathnova says on Aug 4, 2007, 20:43:

I wish I could find a way to write that off as a donation, LOL.

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Dan says on Aug 4, 2007, 20:53:

If that could be written off... I'd get one hell of a return coming up.

God Bless America!

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miamimike says on Aug 5, 2007, 01:38:

While my wife was still in Colombia between the marriage and visa, I would send money for her. She didn't say anything at first but after awhile, she kept asking for more because she ran out, later I found out that it was going to her mom and I kept telling her not to do it because I don't have that much. Some emergency would come up where she would HAVE to send something. Later on, when she was in the states, she did the same thing. Not always telling me, she would go hang out with friends and send money when i was at work or doing something else. Not only with the sending money back home, she would also buy clothes and shoes at the beginning of the month after pay day and then start complaining that there was no money for food, or gas for the car or anything else.
Anyway, with all that has been going on with my wife, I'm not going to be in a hurry to find someone else, so much for trying to start a family


===================================================================

Dan/Nothatsure---If I have heard or saw that story once, I've heard it 100 TIMES. Where they dream up these reasons is really Creatitive Writing Class&Drama 101. Everything from "I have a Sick Mother who needs a personal Nurse", need money to pay for my Attorney, Pay for the Funeral of a family member. That was a Good One as the person mysteriously returned from the Dead like in San Lazurus--really never died at all. Need money for Plastic Surgery another good one ; the list goes on. The Best and most original Story was a trick my Buddy's Future Suegro(father in law) attempted to pull on his future son in law(yerno). My Buddy sent his Novia in BQA a large envelope of Forms needed for him to complete the Fiancee Visas Forms so she could come here to the USA. The Novia's Father(it was found out later) intercepted the Large Envelope from the neighborhood Postman(his good buddy) and wanted a Propina PayOff to turn the package over to his Daughter-that which was hers in the first place. My Buddy told the Novia's Father In Law to Shove it and if he was in Colombia, he would go to the house and Pop him in the Nose a shot or two! LOL. Really happened is the sad part! My Buddy sent the Novia another set of forms so Papi got no payoff. BTW, my Buddy and the Novoa are now divorced-after 13 months of Marriage. He was 30 years Older then her so a lot of Blame goes back to my Buddy for marrying a Woman so much younger! Moral of story-never marry a Attorney from BQA or one 20-30 years younger... LOL

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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miamimike says on Aug 5, 2007, 01:40:

should read,,,And the Novia are now divorced,,,,

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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miamimike says on Aug 5, 2007, 01:42:

But some here will say "It can never happen to me" and the Monthly Western Union Remittances continue,,,Sure it Won't,,,,,LOL

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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jinksmiester says on Aug 5, 2007, 07:38:

There are definitly people who will jump at the chance to try and screw someone over ...not only in colombia but all over.Example...had one person when i got married in BQ tried to get his notery friend for our wedding(the guy wanted three mil col peso,s)...what i actually paid for the guy we used was 60,000 col peso,s...quite a difference.This guy was supposed to be a friend of my wifes family.Im sure they saw me a foreiner and thought i was fool they could take advantage of.I told them in no uncertain terms to go f..k a donkey.This happened after i had on a few ocations brought gifts for this guys children (clothing and a few toys)when i came from canada.The guy has two familys and he rarley does anything for the girls in the one family( fact is he does nothing for them)..They are nice children and im sure not accustmed to getting much in the way of gifts from anyone .I still see the children on occation when i visit my wifes family as they live in the nieghborhood and occationally buy them a little something....I invited the children to our wedding...but not the father or mother.They are good unspoiled children who i did,nt mind spoiling a little,but if they learn there values from there mother and father that will change.There are also some really good people in colombia and ive been on the recieving end of that.Ive recieved numerous beautiful gifts that i certainly never exspected...and they have treated me with respect..dignity and honest friendship.Its good to know who your friends really are.

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

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Cerealkiller says on Aug 5, 2007, 08:47:

My question after reading all this is, dont your wives or partners have a job themselves? what is this thing of giving perfectly fit-to-work people allowances and stuff? or is it that most are not allowed to work in the US?
My advice for guys is to just get her a bank account and give her a weekly allowance, when the time to choose between that nice dress and their family she'll probably go for the dress because they know the family can look after themselves.
You have to make it very clear from the start that you are marrying her, not her family. Helping once or twice is ok, thats what families do, but having to wire an allowance to your in laws is just ridiculous. Once you get married, your partner is your family and that should be the main concern, if your wife-hubby is not ready to assume that, then you should read it as "trouble in paradise".

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

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LA_MONA says on Aug 5, 2007, 10:19:

My inlaws in Colombia are very proud too, they would never ask for anything...but I think it's the right thing to do to help your family when you can, especially parents.

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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morphus says on Aug 5, 2007, 11:50:

Ha ha, a high maintenance ho in Colombia? You guys are suckers! I would never give them any money. If I brought a Colombiana to the U.S. I would just give her $4 a day for lunch until she got a job.

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Philly says on Aug 5, 2007, 13:31:

I can not stop laughing, that is funny as hell. I second the motion!!!!!!!!

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Leeroy says on Aug 5, 2007, 14:18:

Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam
September 23, 1997 | Issue 32•08

AKRON, OH—Area resident Helen Crandall, 44, was arrested by Akron police Sunday, charged with conducting an elaborate "sex-for-security" scam in which she allegedly defrauded husband Russell Crandall out of nearly $230,000 in cash, food, clothing and housing over the past 19 years using periodic offers of sexual intercourse.

"It's the biggest scam of its kind I've ever seen," Akron police chief Thomas Agee said. "We're talking coats, dishwashers, jewelry, sewing machines, bathroom cleansers—you name it."

According to Agee, undercover agents spotted Crandall's husband handing her $50 in cash at approximately 4 p.m., just 30 minutes after the two had sex. Crandall then drove off in her car, returning home two hours later with five bags of groceries.

"That's when we made the arrest," Agee said. "After tracking her for years, we finally had proof that she was buying all those goods with dirty money."

During the arrest, Akron police officials entered the Crandall household and seized more than 150 items Mrs. Crandall had received from her husband over the last 19 years, including a four-speed adjustable food processor, 12 pairs of earrings, a matching sofa and loveseat, a box of two-ply kitchen garbage bags, and a portable radio.

In exchange for these items, Agee said, Crandall's husband received sex an estimated 950 times—most frequently in the master bedroom, but also in the downstairs den three times, and once on the floor of the sewing room.

In addition to physical evidence, Akron police have collected considerable eyewitness testimony. More than 250 Akron residents have come forward to report seeing Helen and Russell Crandall together, and several said they witnessed Mr. Crandall flagrantly purchasing items for his wife.

"Sure, they'd come in here," said Ray Greene of Greene's House and Home. "I think the last time they got one of those box fans with the three settings."

Perhaps the most damaging testimony has come from Mr. Crandall himself, who on Tuesday told police that while the couple was dating in 1977, Mrs. Crandall—then known as Helen Steuben—demanded that he buy her a ring worth over $1,000 before he could have sex with her. The first sexual liaison took place some six months later at Bob's Honeymooner Hotel during an all-expenses-paid trip to Niagara Falls.

It was also in 1977, Mr. Crandall said, that his wife quit her job at Shippee Shoes in downtown Akron.

"Clearly," Summit County prosecutor Andrew Dravecky said, "after quitting her job, the accused began receiving money under the table from some other source: How else could she have afforded to not work? It's now pretty apparent that at that point she began supporting herself by providing a certain service to Mr. Crandall."

Crandall's mother, Bernice Steuben, a resident of the Valley View Senior Home in Yuma, AZ, is being sought for questioning in connection to the case: Police suspect that Steuben may have introduced her daughter to the sex-for-security scam after having used it herself from 1932 to 1971.

But for all the evidence collected against Crandall, Dravecky said the case will likely be difficult to prosecute. "Helen was very careful to cover her tracks," he said. "She even got her husband to put her name on the bank accounts and credit cards."

The Crandall case is not an isolated incident, said criminologist John Ohlmeyer, who said there are "literally millions" of such cases across the U.S. each year that never come to court.

"This kind of thing isn't as uncommon as we'd all like to think," Ohlmeyer said. "A woman finds herself in a situation where she isn't employable. Or maybe she has interests like child-rearing, cooking and home-maintenance that keep her from getting a job. So what does she do? She cooks up a scheme to entrap a man using her body as the bait. It's frightening, but it happens every day in this country."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30017

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houstongal says on Aug 5, 2007, 14:24:

LOL!!!!! Only in The Onion!

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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Robert Jorge says on Aug 5, 2007, 18:34:

Pretty funny Leeroy.

He who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

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gold digger says on Aug 6, 2007, 00:09:

Hey, my girlfriend is doing the same thing.. LOL

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LA_MONA says on Aug 6, 2007, 00:13:

I don't think she is comitting a crime at all, maybe he likes to earn her love LOL

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:01:

not only are you guys gonna be supporting, the mother, the father, the brothers, the sisters, the aunts, the cousins, the nephews, the grandmothers, the grandfathers, the uncles, the maid but the fokin family dogs and burros too.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:02:

i forget, the neighbors too, the entire fokin pueblo for that matter

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:12:

You probably wondering, why the fok do I have to help out the pueblo/town too?
I tell you why.
The day after your gringo ass proposed via E-mail to that colombianita there was a big fokin party in the town square with fireworks (triki traki), dancing, a big feast, a procession with the Virgin Mary and midnight mass all in your honor. Is only fair that you help them too!!!

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:20:

you guys gotta be like, i give my family NOTHING!!! DIDLY SQUAT!!!J ACK CHIT!!!! UN CULO!!!!
If they need money, tell them to get it from the PARACOS they only charge 15%percent.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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LA_MONA says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:22:

You probably wondering, why the fok do I have to help out the pueblo/town too?
I tell you why.
The day after your gringo ass proposed via E-mail to that colombianita there was a big fokin party in the town square with fireworks (triki traki), dancing, a big feast, a procession with the Virgin Mary and midnight mass all in your honor. Is only fair that you help them too!!!


ja ja ja ja ja ja!!!

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:29:

I'm not kidding, you guy have no IDEA how much it means to most middle class colombian when a gringo becomes part of the family and it don't matter that modefoque works in the children's department at Wal-Mart in fokin Kentucky.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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LA_MONA says on Aug 6, 2007, 05:32:

"and it don't matter that modefoque works in the children's department at Wal-Mart in fokin Kentucky"

ja ja ja please elmo I can't stop laughing

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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cobbook6104 says on Aug 6, 2007, 07:10:

The celebration started as u say. She landed a gringo now we are rich!!!!!!!!!!!! It was dicussed alot between my wifa and myself. We have even had sit down face to face talks with the family. We provide a gauranteed amount every month. NO MORE!! Don't even ask.

This way my wife feels good and I know the expense. We have been given alot of sad stories, but to no avail. I explained to them that we eill raise their grandchildren and not them.

I am sorry for the lack of jobs, supposedly. I can't believe that if u want to work you can't find any employment. I understand the culture and I am happy to give a set amount monthly. We even had an uncle call and tell us we are cheap and not givvvng the family enough money, we don't talk anymore to him.

Anyway, this is how we deal with it.

Florida Bob

florida bob

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 07:40:

This is the song most heard in most households when a colombiana lands a gringo

I'll get there, when I get there!

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cobbook6104 says on Aug 6, 2007, 07:51:

Ja, ja, ja ,ja.

Yeah I get it!!!!!!!!!

I love my espousa so much, I wouldn't change a thing. Just a little different then the american culture.

Florida Bob

florida bob

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 08:06:

Believe it or not, I’ve been to many Broadway plays. I dated a bunch of rich gringa NYC chicks and they always dragged my uncouth, uncivilized injun ass to these things.
The above song is one I actually enjoyed.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Aug 6, 2007, 08:40:

Check this out.
My father’s second cousin wanted me to go into a family business venture. He wanted me to invest 20 thousand dollars to purchase a family farm for the entire family to enjoy. The finca was about 35 thousand dollars with a house and a river near by.
I says, wait a cotton picken minute, why should I have to pay more than half? First of all I don’t live in barranquilla and when I’m here the last thing I wanna do is take my ass to a fokin finca to be surrounded by family members. I come to curramba for one purpose and one purpose only, to bang hookers.
Now if you wanna open a hooker establishment, let’s talk.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Leeroy says on Aug 6, 2007, 09:12:

elmo - I enjoy your candour and unique written style!

Were a middle/low class Colombianita to marry a rich Colombian, would there be similar fiestas in the pueblo? Or, what I am getting at is, does the "foreigner" aspect really figure into it much at all - or is it purely the money?

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miamimike says on Aug 6, 2007, 09:48:

Good post Elmo! I hope people here realize the Truth to your post,even if it has some humor thrown in for good measure,,,Thta Video says it all-keep those Western Union Remittances rolling in,gotta pay for the Sick Mami's Personal Nurse,,,LOL

Leeroy-Its the foreigner aspect completely--a Colombiano would never buy that line,,,,

On Sept 17, 2008: Senator John McCain said, as he had many times before, that he believed the fundamentals of the economy were "strong."Hours later he backpedaled, explaining that he had meant that American workers were Strong.

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Leeroy says on Aug 6, 2007, 10:21:

So a rich Colombian marrying a poor/middle-class Colombiana would not be expected to finance the family then?

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msaucey says on Aug 6, 2007, 10:28:

It sad, but true.... Okay, I don't normally send any money to Colombia.... Why?... I don't have excess money and normally I don't need too... My mom is here in the states and supports herself, of course, if she were ever in trouble and needed help financially, I'd help... It's normally the other way around, since I'm horrible at managing my $$$... But, anyway, back to my story... My aunt called me about a year ago, pleading that she needed money for the house taxes and so forth... I told her I don't have any $$$, and I would do what I could.... So, I sent her like $50... That's the only time I sent her $$$, she told me not to tell my mom... Okay, so I didn't... Anyway, my grandmother was visiting, and we took her on a bunch of trips and bought her whatever she needed while she stayed with us.... One day, we were driving out of town, and she hits me up for monthly allowance... I told her that I wouldn't be able to help her out.... And that I know my mom sends her $$$ monthly, and that she should ask her other son in Spain for extra $$$... She said, yeah, but you could afford to send me a little extra a month... I told her no... I apologized, but I have a mortgage, 2 car payments, plus all my extra expenses that I need to tend to first.... I told her the only reason we're taking trips is because I'm using credit cards and savings.... After that conversation, we took less trips!.... I told my mom, and she was livid.... and anytime we went anywhere, my mom just would remind my grandmother, that I wasn't made of money and that this was a luxury due to her visit...

Anyway, so my grandmother is back in Colombia.... and all is good... My aunt was watching out for my grandmother's properties and collecting rent at the locations, but I guess she must have taken a bit of grandma's money... Because I get an urgent call from my aunt, stating that my grandmother needs money and so forth and so forth.... I told her I didn't have any and would see what I would do.... Well, I didn't do anything, and she called me like everyday for a week... I'd send the voicemails off to my mother's cell phone, and my mom would call me back and again was livid.... She was sooo embarassed and ashamed of her sister, for doing such a thing.... She was surprised at what a great actress my aunt was, because you could hear her crying.... My mom said, my aunt has 4 grown children, if she needs help she needs to have them help her... and one is in Spain and doing quite well... the other's are highly educated and employed and don't pay rent, so they should help....

So, I guess the moral of my story is.... It happens when you least expect it... Sometimes, when there is a real need, you feel obligated to help..... But, when you know it's an outright lie, then you have to put your foot down.... I'm sure that nobody else will ask me for money....

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

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nothatsure says on Aug 6, 2007, 11:51:

I am really enjoying everybody's comments and it is pretty clear I am not alone in this.I have been given a whole variety of stories to make me part with my money and,please don't laugh but..yes,I too have forked out for the funeral, a brainscan for a very sick friend(funny...I never got to hear about the results of that!) oh...and shoes for a poor friend who's shoes had fallen to bits while he was away working and this was an emergency and I would definitely be paid back.I never was paid back,never got to know which friend it was and,incidentely...the shoes cost 200,000 pesos...rather expensive for some emergency shoes wouldn't you agree.

OK...i have been a mug....but not anymore! Before reading these posts I had no idea how common this was.

Leeroy's comments are interesting.....would this situation happen between two Colombians of different classes or is it just a Colombian Gringo thing? Actually it probably wouldn't happen because wealthy Colombians have more sense than to get involved with people from a lower economic class.I found their"apartheid" quite distasteful whn I first came out to Colombia...but I am beginning to see that it may be for a very good reason!

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goin_south says on Aug 6, 2007, 12:25:

I had a job as Greeting Guy, as you walk into Walmart.
But, now... I got a second one also, at Popeye's Fried Chicken... cookin de biscuits.

Whatcha think, Elmodefo q?
I need a 3rd job?

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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Leeroy says on Aug 6, 2007, 12:35:

The "apartheid" that notthatsure refers to is quite common in socially fragmented societies. We westerners, with our PC logic, often see it as racism, classism and/or whatever else but I suspect that it is often based on more practical grounds.

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fernan2007 says on Aug 8, 2007, 09:42:

The way I see it, if you are old and want a beautiful young wife, you should be ready to pay for it. ..Stop being delusional and thinking this young girl wouldn’t want to be with somebody her own age and more attractive.

porra

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fernan2007 says on Aug 8, 2007, 09:45:

Elmo....im looking for a partner to compete against lucitania...lol

porra

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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2007, 10:06:

man, lucitania has some really really stunning hookers!!

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Aug 8, 2007, 10:09:

i saw a lucitania gril buying something at that Olimpica across the street, let me tell ya, she had to be the most beautiful broad i''ve have ever seen in my entire miserable life.
I see the most beautifuel broads here in manhattan, but this one was up there.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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jinksmiester says on Aug 13, 2007, 07:28:

I visited lucitania......oh ya!! smokin hot ladys everywhere

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

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elmodefoque says on Aug 13, 2007, 07:31:

Keep in mind, the quality improves drastically during carnaval but the prices go up too.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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jinksmiester says on Aug 13, 2007, 07:48:

Like a kid in a candy store...i want ...i want...ja ja ja

A man is not old until regret takes the place of dreams

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elmodefoque says on Aug 13, 2007, 08:05:

with all the avaliable candy why would anyone wanna stick to only one broad.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Chelesupercono says on Aug 13, 2007, 10:50:

I do understand why anyone that comes from a poor family wants to help them whenever and however possible and I am not opposed to that, in principle, however, what I cannot and will never accept is the common belief that all gringos are: 1) RICH....& 2) STUPID......if we are # 2, how did we get #1 ? Go figure that one...... So the common result of the outrageous lies that they tell you to get money, is that I constantly feel like my intelligence is being insulted.....If you are trying to con me, please at least make me scratch my head once or twice!!!


While I have helped out a chosen few in 10 years of living in Latin America, by and large I subscribe to the two golden rules that an old gringo told me many years ago:

1.) Kindness is a sign of weakness
2.) No good deed goes unpunished

More often then not following these rules have fared me well.....

never go to bed with someone crazier then you are, you will do it and you will regret it.......

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goin_south says on Aug 13, 2007, 22:15:

1) RICH....& 2) STUPID......if we are # 2, how did we get #1 ? Go figure that one.

Chelesupercono, there's alot of stupid people THIS GENERATION, inheriting alot of money that their folks would have spent on themselves, had they known jus how STUPID their kids really were.

“ I would rather be a conservative nut job rather than a liberal with no nuts and no job.”

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Chelesupercono says on Aug 14, 2007, 06:02:

I agree with both GS & GB.....no doubt there are a lot of trust fund babies out there and I certainly have little respect for them. As for this generation of Americans......the morons elected George Bush!!!! Twice!!!! A man that deserves to go down in history as the first War Criminal of the 21st Century.......no doubt that the 60's generation was the last that had any backbone and values.......so sad

never go to bed with someone crazier then you are, you will do it and you will regret it.......

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robi666 says on Aug 14, 2007, 08:11:

You can be STUPID in certain areas and NOT STUPID in others. You can be rich and stupid at the same time. Gringos are generally far more stupid (or we can say, too nice) than Colombians (and Latinos in general) in handling with Colombianas. Of course, there are exceptions...

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

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Chelesupercono says on Aug 14, 2007, 10:47:

So true...that's why i always refer to the rules:

1) Kindness is weakness

2) No good deed goes unpunished


And for the Gringo who think that is B.S. well just check out your so called bank account......suckers!

never go to bed with someone crazier then you are, you will do it and you will regret it.......

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MaSep says on Aug 18, 2007, 20:36:

I would never never ask any money to my husband for my family, that´s why there exist jobs!! I understand you

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nothatsure says on Aug 20, 2007, 15:03:

Good rules,gringoinbogota.It's unfortunate,but you really have to be hard hearted to survive in this culture.The problem with many Colombian/us-european relationships is that we are on complete opposite sides of a social and economic divide and it's very difficult to meet somewhere in the middle.

My feeling right now is that no one should expect anyone else to pay their way for them just because they might be from a different financial background(or percieved to be because of where they come from) Over the years in Colombia I have become much more wary of my actions and less giving and less generous.....because it doesn't help anyone and actually encourages people to be dependent.My husband's family managed fine for years before we met.....therefore they can continue to look after them selves.

I have now returned home after almost two months visitng Colombia.Let's just say that where we live right now is a very wealthy country(which hasn't helped in the family's perception of me as a rich gringa.)...there are no beggars,street people,families in need...and though I hate to admit it ...it's a relief not to be constantly pestered for cash in one way or another.

Maybe I have just got tired of Colombia right now...I can't say that I was sorry to leave this time.I probably need 'time out".We definitely won't be going back next year...I say we...assuming that my husband elects to join me....and that he can deal with my ultimatum of no cash whatsoever to go back there!!!

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