Marriage Woes

aztec says on Jun 13, 2006, 02:35:

Your wife is sick and needs serious help. If she is unwilling, you need to get the best legal assistance you can find. The cost will be cheap considering your situation.

Don't under any circumstances bring her back to the States!

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calipro says on Jun 13, 2006, 03:58:

jnlondon Sorry to hear about your wife's mental condition.

You might very well fair better in the Colombian divorce courts especially if your assets are in the states. But you haven't explained what would stop her from going back to the states on her own if you split up.

I think you might want to reconsider your position. I seriously doubt that any Colombian court will allow you to take your son out of the country without your wife's permission.

I personally know a colombiano that lived in New York with his colombian-american wife. They were having problems in the marriage and she was threatening to leave him and take the kids.

Well he kissed her ass for six months and convinced her to go on vacation with him to Colombia with the kids. Big mistake on her part. She finally went back to live in the states but both of her children live in Cali with their father. Noway could she ever get them out of the country.

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elmodefoque says on Jun 13, 2006, 04:44:

Hey jn, I was a victim too. My young Colombian ex did not hit me with a mop, but she did hit me with a lamp and later almost bit my arm off and nearly scratched my eyes out. She was also jealous of all barranquilleras, thought they all wanted me. "Are you kidding" I said "who the hell is gonna want an old tired depressed, alcoholic modefoque like me, I got nothing to offer” but, still accused me of having girlfriends all over the place.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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elmodefoque says on Jun 13, 2006, 05:06:

yes! a paisa!

I'll get there, when I get there!

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webmanco says on Jun 13, 2006, 05:18:

hot line for battered men in Colombia
Even if you are not well treated by your colombian girl overseas, still you can fill out the forma and complaint.

I sounds like a reality show.

...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ...

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Olgalucia says on Jun 13, 2006, 05:38:

jnlondon Are you sure she's no schizophrenic? That's what it sounds like. I wish you luck in getting out of it, with your son. She might become more aggressive. Maybe you should try and get a doctor's certificate confirming her mental condition and then take it to a lawyer.

Good luck

"I am not bound to please thee with my answers" William Shakespeare

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Maria M says on Jun 13, 2006, 06:43:

Divorce in Colombia If you wwere married in Colombia by civil ceremony you can dissolve your marriage in as little as 30 minutes. Physical abuse is considered by the Colombian law as "causal de divorcio". Check this out
Aunque el divorcio de matrimonio civil fue autorizado en Colombia desde la fecha de expedición del Código Civil, hasta 1991 estuvo prohibido para los matrimonios celebrados por el rito católico. Con la promulgación de la nueva Constitución Política y su posterior reglamentación, en el año 1992, en la actualidad el divorcio está autorizado para toda clase de matrimonios (civiles, católicos y cristianos no católicos).

Los trámites para el divorcio son de dos clases: 1. Por mutuo consentimiento de los esposos, a través de la firma de un acuerdo integral en el que se regulen los aspectos relacionados con las obligaciones entre los cónyuges y de los padres con los hijos; y, 2. Contencioso, o litigioso, forma mediante la cual el cónyuge que no haya dado lugar a él, demanda el divorcio, invocando alguna de las siguientes causales:

Las relaciones sexuales extraconyugales de uno de los cónyuges, salvo que el demandante las haya consentido, facilitado o perdonado;


El grave e injustificado incumplimiento por parte de alguno de los cónyuges de los deberes que la ley les impone como tales y como padres;


Los ultrajes, el trato cruel y los maltratamientos de obra;


La embriaguez habitual de uno de los cónyuges;


El uso habitual de sustancias alucinógenas o estupefacientes, salvo prescripción médica;


Toda enfermedad o anormalidad grave e incurable, física o síquica, de uno de los cónyuges, que ponga en peligro la salud moral o física del otro cónyuge e imposibilite la comunidad matrimonial;


Toda conducta de uno de los cónyuges tendiente a corromper o pervertir al otro, o a un descendiente o a personas que estén a su cuidado y convivan bajo el mismo techo;


La separación de cuerpos, judicial o de hecho, que haya perdurado por más de dos años; e,


El consentimiento de ambos cónyuges, manifestado ante Juez competente y reconocido por éste mediante sentencia.

Good luck

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Miguel says on Jun 13, 2006, 10:06:

Will the mods please Take brody's lame ass and put it in neverneverland?

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jnlondon says on Jun 13, 2006, 10:19:

Thanks Cali. If we split up, there nothing I can do to stop her from going back to the U.S. However, if she waits too long, she may not be able to reenter. We obtained a reentry document before leaving the U.S. which gives her like 2 years, i believe, for her to come back to the U.S., otherwise, she may be denied entry and her immigration status jeopardized.

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 13, 2006, 10:46:

B brody...dude, how much did your certificate of insanity cost? jejejeje..just f+ing with ya....

Jnlondon...where did you get married? what state were you living in the US? what are your goals? i am assuming that you want custody of your child, so if you are currently in Colombia you can rule out a divorce in Colombia, because she will never allow you to leave Colombia with your child.....Get back in to the US, wait until she clocks you again and leaves a mark, call the police and have her ass arrested..Obtain a Temporary Restraining Order based on the history of DV (especially in front of the child makes it much worse and easier to obtain a TRO) This sets the divorce enviroment as a Domestic Violence divorce with, Shazaammm, You as the Victim!

Sounds like she is a lost cause, but how much is your life and the life of your child worth? The furniture, property, cash? IMHO, its better to launch her, and hope that someday she will WANT to seek treatment, as it is well known that until that is what SHE wants, it is not going to happen. Get a competent lawyer (a rare breed, indeed!), and divorce her in the US where is will be easier to obtain permanent custody of the child, even in a Nazi-Femme courtroom, as you should be able to show she is unfit by her behavior tainted by DV. Just remember, that a piece of paper is not a bulletproof bubble around you and yours...One other thing, she can rant and rave about how she will take you to the cleaners, and take your juevos and display them on the mantelpiece, take all your money...etc,...all smoke when you raise the DV shield against the wife from hell....if she is as you describe...

But then again, if i was an EVIL person, i would say just introduce her to Morphus in NY! jejejeje...

Just my opinion...

Miguel_Clavo...faltan 19 días...Colombia es pasión!

"F.A.R.C..S.U.C.K.S"

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 13, 2006, 10:49:

B brody.....this belongs in the Spanglish Dictionary: "Holy Crapo mundo"...........but if you ever want to make a bazillion $$$, you can make and sell "Colombianas Gone Wild" DVDs on late night television for $9.95!!!! jejejej...

Just my opinion...

Miguel_Clavo...faltan 19 días...Colombia es pasión!

"F.A.R.C..S.U.C.K.S"

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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jnlondon says on Jun 13, 2006, 11:19:

Lol, thanks Brody. I do have a camcorder, and I have tried to catch her with it a few times. I also bought an audio recorder back in the states when she starting talking really crazy. I managed to record her talking and crying over the antichrist and the end of the world and yelling a little bit. I haven't been able to catch her on video yet doing something violent. The best I have so far was taping the aftermath of an episode where she smashed a liquor bottle at her moms house when she got angry, thinking that I had flirted with some girls because she found the back patio light on when, when she thought she had left it turned off. And yes, I do believe she is borderline schizophrenic. She won't go to the doctor however. I've begged her. She just tells me to go to the doctor.

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jnlondon says on Jun 13, 2006, 11:42:

Miguel,

My plan is to remain a big part of my kids life. If I have to stay with the women until my kid is old enough to decide on his own where he wants to live(e.g. 14 years old), then I may have to endure her.

I actually concidered doing what you recommended. I guess it could be a last ditch effor, but its very risky. If the family court isn't totaly convinced she is dangerous, my kid and I would totally loose.

Anyways, are you saying that in Colombia, the divorce courts don't care if she hits me or no -- she still gets custody. This is the kind of the information I need to know, so that I don't waste time following fruitless stategic branches.

Does colombia have any ex parte type thing where I can go and show abuse and get a restraining order or something like that?

What if you file a report with Bienstar Familiar. Would that make any difference?

Does anyone know about these things?

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jnlondon says on Jun 13, 2006, 12:39:

Thanks strobers,

Yes, I'm scared I may just be seeing the tip of the iceberg. Also, and this answers a question from a previous post, her family is quite normal. Her parents, sisters and brothers and the kids of her systers are all pretty normal, from what I can tell.

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Rubiazo says on Jun 13, 2006, 12:42:

i AGREE with strobers shit like this ends up in the husband or the wife being killed ALL THE TIME ALL OVER THE WORLD

#1, you need to not be living with her. You need to separate the kid from her too, no matter what it takes, if she comes after you legally THEN you explain the situation.

BTW even a green card can be revoked by immigration authorities without cause or notice, much more so a visa. Something else to think about. If you contacted CIS or whatever they are called now and explained the situation to them, I bet they'd be happy to revoke her immigration status and make her persona non grata!

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 13, 2006, 13:17:

You need to decide where you want your child to live... if you want the child to live in the US, then you will need her permission to leave Colombia with your child....which probably wont happen if shes sees a splitup in the wind...If you want the child to remain in Colombia, the spousal permission will not be an issue...until you decide to leave Colombia at some other time. You can get a divorce in either country, but i would put my money on a Domestic Violence Restraining Order and a US divorce. And, to tell you the truth, a 5150 hold in Cal will keep her in for a max of 72 hours, and she will walk right out after behaving herself while inside talking to the doctors....IMHO, i would not rest my hat on a 5150 W&I hold.....temporary at best....maybe to give you time to move her stuff out!..But i think that waiting til 14 yrs of age for your child would be very detrimental to your kids mental and physical health....living in a enviroment as you described will only cause you and your kid to go goofy....but, best advice is to talk to a competent attorney who has experience with DV cases....

Hey Brody! Cant i play the bad guy???? Being Mr Nice for 27.5 years gets on one's nerves....!!jejeje...

.Just my opinion...

Miguel_Clavo...faltan 19 días...Colombia es pasión!

"F.A.R.C..S.U.C.K.S"

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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lpdiver says on Jun 13, 2006, 17:07:

why not just... hire a siccaro and have her wacked?

t

"cook some rice!"

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utopiacowboy says on Jun 13, 2006, 19:24:

Took the words right out of my mouth. Pretend you're Tony Soprano and think how he would deal with the problem.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 13, 2006, 19:29:

i can play the sicario!.w/ Rosario Tijeras behind me on the moto Back off, Arnold Schwartzenegger!!!!!!!

Just my opinion...

Miguel_Clavo...faltan 19 días...Colombia es pasión!

"F.A.R.C..S.U.C.K.S"

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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Miguel_Clavo says on Jun 13, 2006, 20:10:

Sure he can...then he writes a book about it from prison, then donates the $$ to PBH and the M_C Self-Actualizing Charity....!!! It will be a best seller, and all PBHers will be famous!!!



Just my opinion...

Miguel_Clavo...faltan 19 días...Colombia es pasión!

"F.A.R.C..S.U.C.K.S"

"I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave"

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Roca says on Jun 14, 2006, 01:01:

my experience Hi Jnlondon,

I'm sorry to hear that you ended up in this horrible situation.
I grew up with a "mom" similar to your wife. Verbally and physically agressive (towards husband and kids) and towards the end (I was 18) full blown schizoaffective disorder with paranoia, delusions and what not. My dad decided not to divorce her because back in those days she would have gotten custody and so decided to endure her abuse. I shudder to think what would have happened to my siblings and me if he would have left us with her. To make a long story short I needed a long time to overcome the effects of living in such a toxic environment. The best part of my life has been galled by this woman. Now I'm doing OK but all I want to say is that you should try everthing humanly possible (get ruthless if you have to) to get your kid and yourself out of this situation. Staying with your wife until your kid is old enough should be the very last option on your list, if an option at all, I think.

The suggestion of hiring a surveillance company to install some cameras sounds like an excellent idea to me.

I hope you can find some higly competent professionals (lawyers etc)
who have dealt with your type of situation before and have had good results.

Get expert advice on in which country (USA or Colombia) you have the best chance of ridding yourself of this evil.

Good luck and stay strong

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robi666 says on Jun 14, 2006, 03:21:

What I would do...
First thing, I would consider if your wife is from a well educated, estrato 6, wealthy family. If yes, you have two alternatives: the Soprano's way or the strictly legal way. And it will be hard... I would probably choose the Soprano's way, but it is not for everyone. If she is sick, she would do it anyway, sooner or later to not make you leave her...
If not, I would consider playing it tricky. And put your money at work here in Colombia.
Be nice to her for a month, sweet and smiley. Make her forget about your problems.
Always talk about your future together, paint a new happy life in her mind, tell her that she is the most beautiful and lovely woman on earth.
Then, do anything you can to send your child to the States. . What if... your child has been invited by his grandparents in the US for a vacation? A camp with sport activities is good to him? A doctor is saying (I am sure you can find one) that he has developed a rare allergy and it is better that someone in the States visits him?
Try to use the system here. Know someone at DAS who can make him exit with a propina? Get a bus to Venezuela with your child and then fly from there?
If you succeed, then you can leave her, disappear. Just leaving separated is enough to divorce. Next move can be to try to revoke her VISA, to reach him and wait...
Anyway, I would divorce in Colombia, where you can use your money better then in the USA, if you are the one who controls the family funds.
I am sure that being extremely nice you can even bring her to the Notaria to sign a "Licuidacion de Sociedad Coniugal" for ie. tax purposes, if she is not well educated.
Remember, you are the one who has got education and you have the money (I hope).

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

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robi666 says on Jun 14, 2006, 03:32:

Well... actually Soprano is mr. None in Italy... I would call it better the Corleone's way. Don Vito has got his style indeed. And, lpdiver, you say "Sicario" not Siccaro... :-)

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

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lpdiver says on Jun 14, 2006, 09:06:

Thanks robi... Yo tengo pequeña palabras en Espanol. But everyone knew my intentions...no? And for the record I WAS joking. I was married to a bipolar/borderline personality woman for 22 years.

She finally wore me out and I traded her in for a Colombiana that appreciates me. I thank God, my mother-in-law, and my wife out loud on a regular basis.

It is a horrible situation that will leave you with bad feeling no matter what course you take. I was physically attacked by my wife on two occasions and finally...In front of the judge stated that I would be proactive in defending myself next time I was placed in a physically perilous situation. I wouldn't recommend that course to others.

However; the judge did issue a restraining order and advise my wife to be careful that it sounded like I meant what I said.

I suggest that you google Borderline Personality Disorder and research it. In my case it was like reading an autobiography that I never wrote.

Good Luck,

T

"cook some rice!"

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jnlondon says on Jun 14, 2006, 23:41:

Thanks for all the responses so far guys. I appreciate it.

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OfficerAndy says on Jun 15, 2006, 11:29:

Brody Hey Brody, contact me please.

Officer.Andy at SBCGlobal.net

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billyb says on Jun 15, 2006, 21:25:

Just take her fishing! Ooops! BillyB

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CarlGoingtoPeriera says on Jun 22, 2006, 19:46:

Jn london
I just posted a comment but it didnt go through. Anyway I'm in exactly the same position as you. Its really bad. I moved out here about a year ago and I'm really in a stupor. Complete daze. Leave your email and I'll contact you.

See my previous posting
Carl

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Crazy Eagle says on Jun 23, 2006, 12:04:

Document her insane behavior in as many ways as possible before going to court - audio tape, video, witnessess other than her family. That is the key to getting custody and minimizing the financial hit you will take.

But don't let her know you are planning divorce until you HAVE YOUR EVIDENCE. She's schizo, I know one personally, and you cannot reason with them, but they can act normal for short periods when they feel they have to pretend that they don't "know" that there is a vast conspiracy against them. Good luck amigo.

"When the aliens finally arrive they will immediately declare the Earth a lunatic asylum." George Bernard Shaw

"The natural rhythm of life is routine punctuated by orgy" Aldous Huxley

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Crazy Eagle says on Jun 23, 2006, 12:06:

woops

"The natural rhythm of life is routine punctuated by orgy" Aldous Huxley

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Crazy Eagle says on Jun 23, 2006, 12:07:

one more thing That was a funny comment someone made earlier about introducing her to Morphy! She sounds like just the sort of medicine that arrogant ape needs.

"When the aliens finally arrive they will immediately declare the Earth a lunatic asylum." George Bernard Shaw

"The natural rhythm of life is routine punctuated by orgy" Aldous Huxley

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smf says on Jul 2, 2006, 16:56:

my 2 cents If you love her (and u probably do) speak to her family from your heart saying you want to help her. Get her family support. Next time she hits u call the police and get a report and/or arrest her. Tell her family this may be what it takes to compell her into meaningful treatment. sounds like her family realizes something is wrong in a big way. u and her family should meet with a psychiatrist so they can be appraised of the seriousness of the problem and how kindness may actually hurt her. if you can get her into meaningful treatment, perhaps medication can control her or even bring her back to planet earth. u also want to know if she is using any drugs and or alcohol. i think getting her problem documented by doctor(s) in colombia could help u get a court order to leave colombia with your child even if she does agree. This would be based oh her lack of competence.

good luck

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lawyerincolombia says on Jul 14, 2006, 08:59:

Lawyer in Cali Colombia I am a certified lawyer in Colombia. My name is Carlos Arturo Dorado and I can help to you about inmigration and legal problems in Colombia.
I am located in Cali Colombia.

Best regards:
Carlos Dorado
http://nicelatinladies.com/abogado.html

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jnlondon says on Oct 26, 2006, 16:33:

Sorry, I missed your email by a few months. LOL. but i'm still here in the same situation. Email me if you get this: jnlondono2 at yahoo.com

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elchantajista says on Oct 26, 2006, 22:02:

sounds like oye
Sounds like a nomal married woman to me, one that if u let them walk over you that is, if u controll them they won't controll u , they talk about latino men being so macho and uncaring well here is one reason why, not to sound disrepectful but u are giving merit to the people who think gringos are too giving and easy, just my two cents but anyway i wish u luck with your problems
"Vicente"

anda de parranda al Juanchito "Vicente"

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