Marriage / Visa / Work / Future of Colombia- HELP!!

elreydelostrolls says on Jun 22, 2007, 18:26:

The consensus opinion here is that the streets of Colombia are paved with gold awaiting the intrepid gringo conquistador. Imagine Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegone transplanted to Colombia where the men are handsome, the women are good-looking and all the children are above average.

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calipro says on Jun 22, 2007, 19:14:

If you marry in Colombia and plan on living there then you will be entitled to a residency visa which will allow you to obtain a cedula. When you have a cedula you will have no problem buying property or opening a business.

Most guys that get involved with a colombiana with children don't have that much of a problem getting the father to sign away his parental rights if the price is right $$$$$.

If the father of the child spends a significant amount of time with the child it will be a tuff sell. If the father actually has an on going relationship with the child and contributes to the support of the child in a significant way then it will be almost imposible to pay him off IMHO.

That being said, I think the future of Colombia looks relatively bright.

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houstongal says on Jun 22, 2007, 20:27:

Nic - Does the guy like you? If not, then this would be quite difficult for him to accept sending his daughter to live with a guy he dislikes. If you haven't met him yet, then you had better come up with a game plan to win the guy over. Ask your girlfriend for advice on what could possibly work. First impessions are important. Secondly, start coming up with the list of reasons why it would be beneficial for the daughter to live in the US and use the list if necessary. The daughter is the common interest between the two of you. Demonstrate that you care and can offer her so much in the US. Also be flexible and open to compromise, such as she could fly to Colombia for breaks and summers to maintain the relationship with her father. Be careful not to give him the impression you will be her father. That's his territory and it's best that you don't infringe upon it. And lastly, you may need to address the "what's in it for me" issue that he may have on his mind, which could very well be the financial incentive calipro mentioned. These are all techniques of persuasion. Remember, you're selling an idea to a guy who may not like what you're selling. Be prepared and hopefully it will all work out to everyone's satisfaction! Good luck!

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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Gator says on Jun 22, 2007, 20:56:

In this case your only hope is to try and get an order from the Colombian family court. Unfortunately, as they say in Texas, your chances are slim and none and slim just left town.
You can own property(no visa needed) and open a business with the proper visa. If you marry you can apply for a Colombian spouse visa then after three years apply for a permanent residence visa.

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 23, 2007, 08:48:

Gator, if somebody holds a Colombian spousal visa for those 3 years, do they HAVE to have lived in Colombia 100% of those 3 years? Or can the spousal visa holder leave for, say a month or two a year and come back, and still be able to get a permanent resident visa after those three years? Last question: Is the permanent resident visa obtainable in Colombia, or does it have to be obtained outside of Colombia, like so many other visas are? Thanks!

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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gringoloid says on Jun 23, 2007, 13:06:

Before you jump into colombia in a very big way, you should live here for about a year or two and then see if you want to pour in the money.

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Gator says on Jun 23, 2007, 13:41:

Those short absences will not affect residence. To obtain a resident viss the best option is to apply with MRE in Bogotá but you can go to a Colombian Consulate(cost more pesos that way)..

"Credidi pretio parvo emere et magno vendere tibi in animo fuisse!" .

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dwmte7 says on Jun 23, 2007, 16:49:

i appreciated your opening post which reflected respect for the father. i take issue with the other posts that say that the child would be better off in the us...why? away from her father? what's better about that?

the child has parents and it's in her interest to keep it that way. she can't change the issue that her mother marries another man, but that doesn't automatically mean that she's better off in that venue. hardly. so much enters into this. you have to trust your innermost heart that you act truly in the interest of the child. get to know the father...on neutral grounds. not by bringing your position to the issue. rather just to get to know him. let the child tell you what she wants/needs. remember you're talking about her father.

living in colombia is tough out of the gate, and it takes time to accustome yourself to it and it's customs. remember, also, that mom has history/family/friends there and up and taking off is by no means easy on her. don't be in a hurry to extract her from her roots. you'll find that she's much more anchored to her life, family, pueblo and customs than you are to yours. americans and europeans have 'travel' bred into their genes. rural colombians dont. digest this reality thoroughly. don't up and move mom...it's too painful. take her for a visit. let her feel the water, see the sights, meet your family and then return. too much, too soon is often a death nell. beware of this. too, let yourself live there on her turf for awhile, get to know her, her family on a daily basis,see the childs world, live in it. take time for you all to grow and accustome yourselves to the future changes. don't be in a hurry, as my grandfather used to say, there's only death at the end of the road.

i wish you luck. and i wish the child, the mother and the blood father luck, as well.

dw

dwmte

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 24, 2007, 06:30:

DW, well said and I agree with almost everything. But, how can he take her for a visit? Generally, this is not an option. For the vast majority of people, to get to the US, is a one shot deal using one of only a couple of visa options - K1, K3, and a handful of work sponsored or school sponsored visas. Ain't' no such thing as a 2 week pass to meet the folks and take in Disney World.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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dwmte7 says on Jun 24, 2007, 13:15:

you''re probably right jorge, no experience along those lines. but taking the little one to the us should be the very last item on the list. she aint a baby and has a lot of history to deal with. only nicadj his lady and the child's father can know all those issues.

but so many brothers want to drag their ladies off quickly and the results are, more often than not, drastic and not preferrable. if i who've been with my wife for 18 years, would do it a whole lot different, just to make it easier on her. and if this child is happily bonded with her dad, this is a very delicate situation that only true, selfless, considerate and compassionate love can deal with properly.
dw

dwmte

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 24, 2007, 22:53:

I agree with you too dwmte7. If the child has a good dad in Colombia, that is a tough issue. Maybe the best option for the original poster would be to marry his fiancee in Colombia, and then pursue a K3 visa. When the wife and child get visas, the wife and child will be able to travel freely between Colombia and the US, unlike a K1. A fiancee visa requires a longer wait, because the beneficiary(s) has to apply for adjustment of status. Not necessary with a K3. This would be an easier sell to the father in Colombia, knowing his child could visit him anytime. And, it would be better for the child, being able to travel back to Colombia without a long wait.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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elreydelostrolls says on Jun 25, 2007, 05:53:

A K3 also has to adjust his/her status. It's only good for two years during which time you can travel freely even if your AOS is pending. You do have to AOS within that time frame however.

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dwmte7 says on Jun 25, 2007, 06:56:

even if they marry, they will need the permission of the birth father to travel. unless the child is adopted, the need for parental consent (both) continues untill the child reaches his/her maturity.
dw

dwmte

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nicadj says on Jun 25, 2007, 08:06:

Wow.... what thoughtful and helpful responses.... from strangers no less. I want to thank everybody for their thoughts and opinions. I agree with almost everything everyone said, and I am better for having read them.

THANK YOU

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 25, 2007, 10:46:

I know elrey, but my point was the bennys could travel immediately if need be, or wanted to. And dwmte7, I know they would need the permission of the father. I was saying if the father knew his kid could come see him anytime, there was no 2 year wait, it might be an easier sell.
Nicadj, does your lady have civil relations with the father? Sounds crazy, and it is just a wild idea, but when you are down there next, take the father out. Go play tejo and drink some aguardiente and Aguilas. If you can get him to hang out with you and he thinks you are a nice guy, things might not be that difficult. At least in my experiences in Colombia, it is not unusual for people to socialize with ex's, ex's families, new hubbys with former inlaws - you know what I mean? In the US, that would seem extremely awkward, but it seemed like no big deal when I was in Colombia. Hell, my wife's aunt (mother's sister), shared a house with her ex-husband!

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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nicadj says on Jun 25, 2007, 12:00:

Robert,

Unfortunaately, my Spanish worse than awful. What I am preparing is an emotional/logical plea, which my girlfriend will help me with. I will have to READ it to him (and his parents and his sister, if I can get them to agree to sit and discuss this.) My girlfriends relationship with him is sour. He gets the girl on the weekends. He really seems to love his daughter. My girlfriend has broched the subject with him and she comes away thinking there is NO CHANCE he will let her go..... even for vacation.

Most of my friends think that I can never be happy in Colombia. I have my doubts as well, but I can't live without this woman. Big Fork, Big Road on the horizon.

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Tinto (Moderator) says on Jun 25, 2007, 12:42:

Re the fork in the road: Both Robert Frost and Yogi Berra have offered famous advice on that dilemma.

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elreydelostrolls says on Jun 25, 2007, 17:14:

Any father worth his salt is not going to let his daughter go off and live half a world away. I commend the guy. Why should he let his daughter go off with her mother and some gringo she met to live in the land of gringos? Either live in Colombia or forget about it, dude.

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dwmte7 says on Jun 25, 2007, 22:28:

maybe your lady speaks english???? if not, you're in for a spin. you both need to knuckle down and get the idiom thing going. more time in colombia will help you out; if you make it a point to only hang with colombians, daily you will have a better grasp of their tongue. read the news paper, watch the news. when you watch tv break the habit of not paying attention to the whats being said, because you don't speak spanish. pay attention and little by little you pick up words and notice that every day you understand more. it's a rare colombian who puts you down for not knowing spanish. just trying is half way to the goal.

good luck.
dw

dwmte

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houstongal says on Jun 26, 2007, 08:48:

Nicadj - From your last post it really does sound like the father has a strong bond to his daughter and the fact that his relationship with your gf is not great, your odds don't sound too good. But give it your best shot. Show as much concern, empathy and interest as you can and be prepared for all potential reactions from the father.

If you're not successful, you and your gf will need to determine your next steps. One of you will need to make a sacrifice if you two intend on being in one location together. Good luck with that decision. It's not an easy one, but that's what happens when you fall in love with someone from another country. You and your friends may have doubts about your being happy in Colombia. Remember that your gf may have the same doubts about leaving her country, plus she would be leaving a daughter behind. I wish you two all the best in making this very important life decision.

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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dwmte7 says on Jun 26, 2007, 16:21:

well, young fella, looks like your work's cut out for you. an incredibly perfect opportunity, to live out selfless service. for as my MASTER said, 'real happiness lies in making others happy. this goes first, to the child, next to her mother and equally to the childs father. it appears that your solution is to embrace dad and make him one of your own. and i'm not speaking idly, rather in utmost seriousness. if a dad without custody of his child maintains a loving prominent part in his child's life, he can hardly be a loser. au contrair...he's probably a quality person. make acquaintence with him via the child. ask her to bring you to meet her dad and i'm certain that the child and the father will garner an incredible respect for you. leave the lady out of it, as she might be the 'doomsday soothsayer' in the background.

we're all on your side, friend, go forward...remembering to never 'push the river, it flows by itself.

good luck, love always works.

dw

dwmte

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 26, 2007, 21:45:

Helluva good post dwmte7.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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nicadj says on Jun 27, 2007, 06:52:

DW.....

Very Buddhist of you. I am inclined to agree with everything. My new philosophy is this...... "Today is Wednesday"..... that's it. Whatever happens, try and make it a good Wednesday. You can't plan your life, you can only live your days.

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