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I’ve hit an all time low, my life is almost over. Ready to shoot my nuts off.

My ex ordered me to wait for her at the hotel’s bar “Shuckers”, until she got off from work. I was sitting at the bar sipping on my 6th gin and tonic when this late 30’s early 40’s guy walks in with a much, much older lady and proceeded to sit next to me. A few minutes later he asks me, “hey, what do you think? how does she look? she’s my mother!” “No freakin way!” I replied, “she looks like your girlfriend” man, I was lying my ass off, in reality she looked like an 80 something year old white woman dressed like a 21 year old, she looked freaking ridiculous That sonamanbiche, modefoquin, dirty dog was trying to hook me up with his older than dirt mom. The old lady got all happy and friendly when I continued lying my ass off, telling her “there‘s no way you could be his mother, you look was way way too young, did you have him when you were only 2 years old?” I asked. The truth, she looked more like that modefoque's grandmother. Paque esa vaina? The old lady could not keep her hands off me, telling me she has a great apt in Tampa, car and boat and kept insisting she was not trying to pick me up. Yeah right!
I could not way for my young cachacha to get to the freaking bar. That bitch finally arrived and I immediately had her sitting between us.
Needless to say, I was getting very depress, I had no idea I looked THAT BAD. A few more gin and tonics took care of the problem

By elmodefoque on Jul 27, 2006, 09:14 in Friendly Talkzone.

oldbongo says on Jul 27, 2006, 09:30:

and then... you went and did the chicken dance...
we all saw it.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Jul 27, 2006, 09:35:

LOL Elmo, but hey look at it on the bright side you could have yacth

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calipro says on Jul 27, 2006, 09:41:

I had a worst experiance..... I was out with my none to attactive mother and some decent looking older guy tried to pick up on her. I was shocked because he wasn't that bad. I have seen guys like him with young hot women in Cali a lot.

I told him to get some self respect and go to Colombia.

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Miguel says on Jul 27, 2006, 09:42:

Sure it was gin? Or that alligator piss the injun game warden hooked you up with?

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oldbongo says on Jul 27, 2006, 09:48:

kat... repetir porfa..
he could have had WHAT???
been on the yacht??jak?

and just why is it that hot costenitas can't cook anyway?

must be too busy giving orders to the trophy mate,
who stands in the corner, cooking, cleaning, and never complaining.

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elmodefoque says on Jul 27, 2006, 09:56:

now i know how a young broad feels when i'm trying to hit on them. but then again for us guys is a different ball game

I'll get there, when I get there!

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Jul 27, 2006, 10:08:

LOL Olbongo a Yacht i am becoming dyslexic now jiji

anyway I can't cook fancy dishes too much work I don't want to spend too much time on the kitchen ;)
better with the trophy mate.

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Miguel says on Jul 27, 2006, 10:19:

Yak? Jak? Sounds like Middle Eastern names for burras.

Ahora entiendo porque las costeñas me quieren tanto...¡yo puedo cocinar!

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oldbongo says on Jul 27, 2006, 10:37:

it's ridiculous... oldbongo is the one who has to slave
over the perfectly made,uniquely indiginous
arepas con huevos, in mass quantities, to feed the rest of the
various hispanics at the festival latino, while all la commandante has to do, is wear an aguila bikini.
and who do you think gets to spend all the money we make?
....the family kids in cartagena.
go figure....

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podborski says on Jul 27, 2006, 10:47:

too funny elmo I finally had to quit lurking to say you are the funniest. Please don't let the prudes ever stop you on this site.

BTW, i am waiting patiently for the morality police on this site to comment on the horror of fat old ugly people trying to pick up younger members of the opposite sex...oh that only applies to men, sorry. If it's any consolation elmo, it happens to me all the time...

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Miguel says on Jul 27, 2006, 11:00:

oldbongo ¡no cocinas más! Send them to Micky Dee.

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elmodefoque says on Jul 27, 2006, 11:55:

Hey maybe I should start a Colombian escort service catering to older widow ladies in Miami. “Corrocho quick lube” with this freaking silver hair I get plenty of attention from old broads. There should be no shortage of costumers in Miami and no one can habla more mierda that me.
Now that I think about it, just a few more gin and tonic and I’ll probably have the old broad on all fours. Luckily my young ex arrived because I was eyeing her big wide square ass a little too much.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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oldbongo says on Jul 27, 2006, 12:01:

thats a great idea for you son.. you always wanted to be babied.

but you gotta call it after the vegas chicken ranch:

"the chicken dance acadamy"

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gringolondinense says on Jul 28, 2006, 03:24:

Hey Calipro thats the same here in England! Good looking business type guys are always fighting over really ugly (and really old) ladies!! And then they get turned down! Incredible!!! they are like "Oh excuse me, can I buy you a drink" lolll!! One time I was at a Christmas party at a big event. A guy, about 25 years old asked one lady who I work with (about 59!!) to kiss her under the mistletoe. The woman said something like "I dont like TWELVE YEAR OLDS!!".

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gabo4ever says on Jul 28, 2006, 04:40:

gringolondinese... I agree with your 100% last week for the Colombian Independance I was with some friends in a Bar in Convent Garden, and i saw that scenario play over like 10times.

The worst thing is you even see them older and very ugly ladies, playing the field...in exactly the same way a Hot Colombian girl plays us when she walks into an English club!

Y por si se atreven: Watsamatamaracuya?

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Lauthra says on Jul 28, 2006, 08:49:

Oh elmo don't shoot your saggy balls off, just try to be drunk when you leave the house/office so that everyone looks drop dead gorgeous. Works for me, how do you think I ended up with Harvey, Larry, watchamycallit...:P

Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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elmodefoque says on Jul 28, 2006, 09:48:

Lauthra, that's exactly what I plan to do straight after work, go drinking.
Hey, where the hell is that Morphus and Rubiazo? Gee, I just remember, morphus is in Medellin with all them very young super fine cachaquitas meanwhile I’m thinking on going to a bar to hit on 70+ old ladies. I’m like Don Ho or Wayne Newton to them. I’ve become and old broad magnet.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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famsearch says on Jul 28, 2006, 09:59:

elmo, just for you, we'll set up the pbh chapter of obma, old broad magnet anonymous. it can just be seen, a quiet room, someone gets up and says, "hi, i'm elmo, and i'm an old broad magnet.". =)
dan

dan

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Lauthra says on Jul 28, 2006, 13:25:

Elmo are you going to hit on them, or just sit around and wait to see how many throw their wrinkly selfs at you :P
Such a lovely image :D
Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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pedro (☼Travelguide writer) says on Jul 28, 2006, 19:59:

lauthra Hi Lauthra, I think we met one time in Cali? At El Viejo Barril, along with my European friend F. and your friend Y.

I had no idea your English was so good (we only spoke Spanish that evening). Small world!

que nota!

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pedro (☼Travelguide writer) says on Jul 28, 2006, 20:03:

elmo C'mon, that's far from an all-time low.

Imagine how the other guy felt... playing wingman for his mum! Hope I never have to go through that.

que nota!

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Lauthra says on Jul 28, 2006, 20:38:

Pedro I've no idea what you're going on about! I've never even heard of El Viejo Barril let alone have I been to it! And I have no friend Y...or am I missing something?
Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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