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I've got something to confess to you guys... I feel really scared!

I like most of you in this forum have not been entirely truthful, I am a very honest person and do not like to white wash things to make them prettier I like to tell things as they are whether they are good or bad and all that I have said about my family and the way we used to live is completely true and that is the reason that I am now living in London but the truth is that since I’ve been here in the UK I have not been able to go back to go Colombia, I have been in the UK for more than a decade now it has been really tough not being able to go back to my country which I dearly miss every single day that goes by and envy all those of you who are able to go.

In one of Desi’s threads “Normal Day�? I mentioned about my life back in Colombia and what had happened on the day that my parents and I had to flee.

That week was the worst week of my life, it begun when some men tried to kidnap me and my little cousin thank god my uncle was there to protect us but that was only the beginning of a week that I will never forget. That week I lost 2 uncles, my cousin and my brother, that same week I feared for my father’s life that was missing for 3 days but returned ‘safely’ home with a bullet in his arm, physically weak, emotionally drained and very sad for the son that he had just lost.

The day he returned we took off with just a bunch of sentimental stuff and no clothes, we left Bogotá airport at night without looking back and arrived at London’s Heathrow airport to claim asylum our case was very difficult we didn’t have any proves and there was little chance of us being accepted, the UK government weren’t sure who my father was they were very sceptical about us thinking that my father was a criminal instead of a person in great need made our circumstances even worst. But after 9 years waiting we received our indefinite leave to remain, and can now go back to Colombia if we choose to do so.

I am very excited because I have not been able to see what’s left of my home or my family back in Colombia, I have been in touch with them and have helped a lot of people in my neighbourhood who are very poor but nothing beats being there in person it will give me great pleasure being there again.

Until this day I do not know the real reason for what drove those people to kill my brother, uncles and cousins and to go after us with so much anger.

My father has never spoken about it to me and I don’t want to burden him with more problems we’ve been trough too much shit already and I’m scared to even mentioned my brother’s death I don’t think that neither of us have got over the idea that we lost him for good it feels like he’s still there waiting for us to come back I think that was the reason for me experiment with drugs I guess I needed to escape but it left me in coma and my dad even more heartbroken feeling guilty for all that’s happened to us.

My father says it’s best for me to not know, all I know is that my cousin who is serving 90 years in the Palmira prison for being a leader of the militias in Cali and for killing hundreds of people is after my dad. My cousin thinks that my dad was the one who put him in prison, in those days there was a massive reward for whoever told the police where my cousin was and he assumed that because we left Colombia to come to the UK at the same time he was being arrested then we we’re the ones who grassed him up.

My cousin was wanted by everyone but no one knew where he was only a few people including my father. My cousin has “taken care�? of the others and says that he will go after my dad once he knows where he is. This happened a few years ago my cousin has since stopped with the threads but now we are being threatened by someone else, my other cousin! What a family!! My little cousin who’s 18 was really young when all this happened but his brother got killed in the massacre and he swore to take revenge on whoever killed his big brother and now assumes that it was all my father’s fault! Like my father would have wanted to kill my mum’s family and his own son!

but I now fear for my life if I do go back, one thing I’m glad about is that I have never sent any pictures of myself to my friends and family back in Colombia we even changed identities if they saw me now they would not recognise of course the real sadness is that I probably will not get to be with my family for my own safety but I want really want to see them, I want my daughter to meet them and I’m so confused I don’t know what to do guys, I’m tired of feeling like this it’s like being in a prison and I need to get out, stop feeling scared and be free again!!!

I know I’m a tough cookie having to deal with all the shit that life has thrown at me but it has also given me a reason to keep on fighting and that reason is my daughter who I’m very grateful and I owe it to her to take her there even if she doesn’t meet my family she will experience and see how beautiful our country is and that is why I envy some of you guys who keep talking about your vacations there I really wish that I could say the same so please do not take things for granted you lot don’t know how lucky you are!

By nanis on Feb 3, 2005, 12:25 in Friendly Talkzone.

ARMacleod says on Feb 3, 2005, 12:50:

Poor Senora G
I can sympathise with you in every way but I am afraid that I cannot be of much assistance, If I was in Colombia now with my novia I could come up with something but it will be many months yet before that happens.

I may be naive, but have you thought of a simple transformation and an arrangement with someone well away from your former home? You could go there and get those whom you trust to go and see you, initially anyway.

It is a long time since you left there, do you think that no one has moved on? Have you any proof that you are still a prime target?

Sorry, so many questions. I am sure that there is a way that you could get to Colombia without it being advertised.

Anyway dear lady, I know that you will come up with something. I wish you all the very best of luck

May your god go with you in all of your endeavours.

Being of unsound mind and dubious disposition, I cannot be held legally liable for any indiscretions."¡El diablo me hizo hacerlo!" But don't worry, be happy.

The brain is like a parachute, it only functions correctly when it is open. Pax vobiscum.

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dwmte says on Feb 3, 2005, 13:40:

mrs gomez... i sympathize deeply with your situation...however, i can't imagine a thing i or anyone else on this site could do to help you in this most difficult delima.

i might point out, simply out of caution, there are some on this site who might have ears for things other than simple 'love stories about colombia'...for that reason, i don't think i'm far off base by cautioning you as to talking about what your plans are.

you well know that the walls have ears in colombia. people talk and are paid to talk. some times one's best friend can be an informant and be responsible for someone's death or harm. i know of this personally.

again, i caution you in your openness and honesty. being honest doesn't relieve one of deciding who has the need to know.

good luck and be careful.

dwm

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adela says on Feb 3, 2005, 22:12:

Dear Mrs Gomez
I do try to understand what is in your mind now: fear, tremor, doubts. I would like you to talk by email. I suppose you could have a talk with your hostil cousin. Soft words can do so much for peacefull. I am sure about it. I am christian and I believe the power of faith and pray to God, better if is between two or more. I am able to talk to your cousin if you want..there is nothing to fear in the man but in his emotions and soul.

My email is a_dentro at yahoo.com.mx

Màs fe, màs abrazos, màs besos, màs disculpas, màs visitas a nuestros amigos antiguos nos haràn màs plenos cada vez.

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Monis0420 says on Feb 4, 2005, 05:27:

Mrs Gomez As much as you miss Colombia I think it's better if you don't put your life and your daughters life at risk. You can always come visit New York and go to little Colombia in Queens and feel like you are home. Do you have any other family other than in Colombia that you can go visit somewehere else? What ever you decide to do. I wish you the best of luck. Just pray to El Divino Niño que todo te salga bien.

Claudia.

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Chevere33 says on Feb 4, 2005, 06:32:

Mrs. Gomez I sent you a PM! (Can't they find a more noticeble way to let people know they have one? Few people look at the little inbox notice).

Que Dios te bendiga!
Constancia

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nanis says on Feb 4, 2005, 09:34:

thank you so much guys it's nice to know that some people care enough to give me strength in this situation, I have received the private messages that were sent to me by some of you guys and I really appreciate your willingness to help me out although there's nothing that you lot can do all I wanted was someone to talk to because I was about to explode yesterday and I had no one to turn to.

I felt really frustrated last night after finding out about my cousin, I am very enthusiastic about going to colombia but I know that I cannot put my daughter’s life at risk so I have decided to go to colombia and meet my closets friends somewhere else then may be go to cali and stay as far away from my family as possible but I’m not going to let them ruined my life by stopping me from going back I’ll just have to pray to god to take care of us.

p.s GIB send me you’re friend’s e-mail address by pm it might come in handy

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ShazCas says on Feb 4, 2005, 10:53:

You're so strong I just wanted to say that I think you're such a strong woman, and you know how to be happy and really live life, despite all your past hardships - I really admire you!

Your whole family has had to be so strong moving to London so suddenly and leaving everything behind- but at least you had each other. It's great that you've now got your permanent leave to remain, but it's so sad that your "family" behaves in this way - I really feel for you. It must be hard, but don't put your life in danger, whatever you do. The advice you've received here is good, I think, basically be careful and keep a low profile. Maybe now's not a good time to go to Cali, but you could go somewhere else... And remember that dangerous people have short lives - someday you will go back to Cali and there will be no-one left to threaten you. Eventually you could be there for as long as you like! Take care and "keep your chin up" as they say!!

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kernow62 says on Feb 4, 2005, 11:34:

I know this may be a silly question, but you have posted photos of yourself on this site. I will assume that Mrs. Gomez is not your real name, but if those are really photos of you and if anyone knows your story and happened to read this forum wouldn't you be placing yourself in greater danger by sharing you photo and life with all and sundry on this forum?

I know it is a long shot that someone reading this forum may be one of the folks that is putting your life in danger, but if it were me I wouldn't give out a photo and so much personal information. I am assuming your photo and story are for real.

I know a girl in a not entirely dissimilar situation from Medellin and anyone would have a very hard time tracking her down, no paper trail, different appearance etc., the sad thing is she had to leave her son and has not seen him in 22 years!

Best of luck with your situation.

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nanis says on Feb 4, 2005, 11:57:

KERNOW i know what you're saying i understand but you need to know that if they're going to find me they'll do it one way or the other. Yeah my real name is not gomex that’s my husbands surname I took it after we got married but my first name is also a different one to what it was 12 years ago as for the pictures I wouldn’t worry about it I’ve changed so much since then that if they were to see them they wouldn’t have a clue that it’s me.

plus my cousins are so retarded they still don't know that the internet exists remember that they come from a lower class neighbourhood with no education what so ever where computers are something that only rich people use.

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kernow62 says on Feb 4, 2005, 13:03:

How many Mr. & Mrs. Gomez's can there be in London? I'm no detective but...

I think you best move to Miami post haste!

Take care of yourself.

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nanis says on Feb 4, 2005, 13:07:

HAHA there are lots of latinos in London kernow!!

but yeah i better move somewhere else otherwise i'm gonna die of boredom here!!

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kernow62 says on Feb 4, 2005, 20:10:

You are right Mrs. Gomez, 63 Gomez's listed in the phone book. I knew there were many latinos but I really didn't expect 63 Gomez's. 129 Garcia's! Some of my family names only turn up 13 hits and they are British! ha ha

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utopiacowboy says on Feb 4, 2005, 21:56:

I certainly agree with the posters who advised caution about what you post here. Some of us know people connected with the armed groups who operate outside the law (as they like to describe them in the Colombian newspapers) and who knows whether we are really nice guys? Don't take a chance on the anonymity of the internet. There are more people reading this than you know and as DW says, they don't care about how hot Colombianas are.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kernow62 says on Feb 5, 2005, 04:45:

UTC you for got the "nudge nudge wink wink " bit.

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nanis says on Feb 5, 2005, 08:08:

You guys are right and as from today i'm taking my pictures off the forum! but i'm not worried anymore i wrote this thread because i had no one to talk to and i was worried but no anymore all i need to do is be more careful when i go to Colombia, i wont let anybody know that i will go there.

p.s no one knows me as i am now i've changed so much my appearance is very different to what it was a few years back and don't ask me why that's for me to know! anyway i hope that my father can sort things out with my cousins soon

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dwmte says on Feb 5, 2005, 08:53:

young lady, you are part of a rare lot...honest people. and as such, you are put in a position of having to decide, who REALLY has the need to know. this is for your own privacy and safety.

go, as you do, with your head high and just use discretion as to whom you take into your confidence. you know colombia well and unfortunately those who abuse confidence are many. choose wisely.

all the best to you, your husband and child.

dw

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pink_lotus says on Feb 5, 2005, 09:43:

GOmez I am SO SORRY to hear this. I am also scared. I have had my life threatend by some horrible horrible doctor who is trying to get me to drop the criminal charges I pressed against him. I don't know what to do ?:(

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dwmte says on Feb 5, 2005, 11:54:

lotus... i don't know where you are, but if you're in medellin, i have a couple of friends, two brothers, one is a judge the other a lawyer. they would be able to council you on this.

dw

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