IN PAIN. Health question?

miamimike says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:04:

Doctor Doctor Tell me the News .... Elmo I have just the "Fix for you!! Cirugia Corroncho Style at That! Now don't practice this at home but on your Burra!

http://www.ejbdotcom.net/content/1320.html

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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elmodefoque says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:11:

mike, great idea!!! i'll blow it up.
thanks!!

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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tomtom33 says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:15:

Be sure to use an M-80. That will take good care of it.

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angelamurcia says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:40:

plastic surgery in colombia Can anyone recommend a surgeon in Colombia for the LAP Band surgery???

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angelamurcia says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:41:

plastic surgery in colombia Can anyone recommend a surgeon in Colombia for the LAP Band surgery???

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angelamurcia says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:41:

plastic surgery in colombia Can anyone recommend a surgeon in Colombia for the LAP Band surgery???

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angelamurcia says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:41:

plastic surgery in colombia Can anyone recommend a surgeon in Colombia for the LAP Band surgery???

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angelamurcia says on Jul 10, 2006, 07:41:

plastic surgery in colombia Can anyone recommend a surgeon in Colombia for the LAP Band surgery???

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tomtom33 says on Jul 10, 2006, 08:40:

WTF? A five for? That's a new record.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jul 10, 2006, 08:53:

UHMM Maybe that is what it's making you a pain in the a** Elmo jjiji

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Rubiazo says on Jul 10, 2006, 09:02:

Dude eat more fruits and veg and more oatmeal. Oatmeal is so gross in the summer though but so is having a strawberry hanging out your anus!

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elmodefoque says on Jul 10, 2006, 09:06:

What I find most disgusting is actually holding it to one side so I could wipe properly.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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oldbongo says on Jul 10, 2006, 09:46:

the quack just came in... first thing you do is call your cousin,
howard stern, he will describe the NYC method.
truth is, amigo querido, chances are that pain is not from your strawbwrry, but rather, something else.
if it's any consolation, most people present with haemorrhoids
appoximately equal in size to a one carat diamond, while the oldgringo can lay claim to the crown jewels.....and no matter what anyone tells you,...no matter how bad it is,...we doctors can always make it worse.

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jaramillo says on Jul 10, 2006, 09:49:

I hear If you have a strawberry stuck in your ass you can ease it out with a little cream.

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elmodefoque says on Jul 10, 2006, 09:53:

Doctor OG, what can I do to make it smaller, manageable at least. I’m glad I can’t see what's going on back there but I could just imagine how disgustin it must be. I wonder if I could get one of the very nice girls from PBH to take a picture for me. Any volunteers?

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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oldbongo says on Jul 10, 2006, 10:02:

man.... utopiacowpoker can never know what a poor excuse for a groveller he really is, when held up against the light and compared to you, my literary maven. surely someone will accept your invitation.

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oldbongo says on Jul 10, 2006, 10:09:

in the meantime.... you are instructed to tell the boss you have a tummyache,cramps,
..(don't tell him the worms are back),.. and limp home, trudge up the five floors of stairs, squeezing your butt all the way, and fall into a very hot bathtub,if you have one, and stay there.
and take comfort that your level of pain is directly correlated to the tightness of your ass.

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jaramillo says on Jul 10, 2006, 10:52:

Hey elmo For what it's worth, a little 1% hydrocortisone ointment will reduce the swelling and pain, at least temporaily. Ask at the pharmacy. Apply it a couple of times a day, after the old doctor's sitzbath. Of course, with the OG's approval. That's what the veterinary recommends.

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elmodefoque says on Jul 10, 2006, 11:04:

Thanks Jaramillo, I’m heading to my local Duane Reade to see if they have that lotion. What I’m most concerned about is that I’m traveling to Colombia soon and the way this thing is growing; Avianca might ask me to buy the seat next to me just for my Ecuatoriano size hemorrhoids.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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elmodefoque says on Jul 10, 2006, 11:33:

Getting hemorrhoids has really opened my eyes to my uncaring, self gratifying ways. I remember some years back I had this real fine gringa girlfriend, she would do anything for me, thought I was some mystic native/Indian god. jijijjjj
Well one day I wanted to enter her back door but she told me that it was impossible because the previous day I had enter there for hours and left her with painful strawberry size hemorrhoids, but I did I care? Nope! I got her real drunk and did my business anyway. Now, I feel the need to call her and apologize for my insensitive selfish behavior and from this moment on, no more chiquito for me.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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oldbongo says on Jul 10, 2006, 11:53:

ahh..the literary maven a dreck.... now you are really turning the phrases, elmo,
you must be a dylan fan.
actually jaramillo, a sitz bath is luke-warm water.
the kind they have in cartagena.
and when you go to the farmacia, look for a good-lookin young pharmacist to compound you up some nitroglycerine 1% with that
hydrocortisone, and ask her how, exactly, do you use it.

also...he forgot...go into any indian tienda in queens, and ask for
saat isabgul...small green box....make life easier.

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adela says on Jul 10, 2006, 13:29:

¿Ecuatoriano size hemmorrhoids, Elmo?

Màs fe, màs abrazos, màs besos, màs disculpas, màs visitas a nuestros amigos antiguos nos haràn màs plenos cada vez.

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Lauthra says on Jul 10, 2006, 14:35:

Oh if you decide to follow Miamimike's advice, could we see a video of it? I'm sure it'll work.
Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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miamimike says on Jul 11, 2006, 00:39:

Elmo, Come across this Coronchito BullFighting in BQA Do they have many Midget Bull Fighters in BQA Elmo? Man, this Guy got his Ass kicked, should have fought the Dog with Bad Teeth; more his size jaja

http://www.ejbdotcom.net/content/2121.html

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jul 11, 2006, 02:17:

LOL Lauthra but better still if he puts a more powerful explosive, we need more fireworks :)

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webmanco says on Jul 11, 2006, 05:22:

Although this migth be moved to the Video section I just want to let you know that the code to post the videos that are on Ejbdotcom.net is in the same page just below the video itself, just copy and paste the code inside the box "Video Code" in your post. Do a Preview before submitting.



Watch Video Clip (Sexual harrasment) good



Watch Video Clip (Stop bullfights)


Watch Video Clip (No todo lo que brilla es oro)


Watch Video Clip (Some Privacy)

Watch Video Clip(What happens to pretty faces)

...A yo, déjenme queto y no me jodan má! ...

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Lauthra says on Jul 11, 2006, 08:21:

hehe Indeed Kat, if those hemorrhoid are as bad as he claims he will need rocket to blow that bastard out of his arse :P
Nato

(='.'=)

Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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elmodefoque says on Jul 11, 2006, 08:47:

This might be a bit graphic This may be a bit graphic and I apologize to those who might take offense, but I wanna describe the possible caused for this most painful hemorrhoids and at the same time caution others from making the same mistake.
For sometime now I’ve become quite a neat freak, especially when it comes to proper hygiene after bowl movement. Just before I hit the toilet for a number 2, I bring with me a damped piece of paper towel, found in every bathroom in NYC. I wipe first with the dry toilet paper and then I wipe with the damped paper towel, saving a 4x4 square inch. I fold the 4x4 inch paper towel and place a finger in the middle, I open my anus as wide as possible and shove the paper towel in, maybe half an inch leaving it inside. I pull up my underwear and continue about my business, much like women have to do during their monthly you know what.
I have a strong suspicion that this is the cause of my gigantic corroncho size hemorrhoids and have discontinued this unorthodox practice.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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Miguel says on Jul 11, 2006, 09:04:

Too much information! You need to consult Dr. Seabass about this alarming situation.

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crazi4cali says on Jul 11, 2006, 09:04:

Elmodefoque... Don't give the false excuses in the name of proper hygiene... your moans of sheer delight make me believe the purpose of that 4"x4" paper and middle finger up your hindparts has another purpose! No need to justify it. You can lie to yourself but, don't lie to us all at PBH! = )Hahahaha

Crazi4Cali

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elmodefoque says on Jul 11, 2006, 09:21:

The reason I started placing a piece a damp paper towel up my arse is simple. The older I got the more prominent my underwear skit marks have become. My solution was to simply stop the leak by putting a plug.
There is a problem with this plug, sometimes it falls in the most embarrassing places. I’ve found them in the middle of the hallway at work and my daughter picked up one the other day and was baffled, had no idea what it was, only that one side was brown and smelled like crap, but could not figure out where it came from.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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Lauthra says on Jul 11, 2006, 13:00:

Hmmmm, I'm surprised your post hasn't been deleted!
Maybe it's time you get something stronger than wet bog roll, something like, say a cork? Or just have your bumhole operated on, have it put back to it's original size, before the donkey play :P
Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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Colombiche says on Jul 11, 2006, 13:24:

Deal with the cause not the symptoms Elmo, they sell these cookies called "Bowel Buddies", they are a Canuck invention, I don't think they sell in the States unless you purchase them online.

http://www.911healthshop.com/bowelbuddy.html

Maybe next time I head down to NYC I will bring you a couple of packs... jijiji, 22 grams of fibre in one serving, that ought to be enough even for a corroncho digestive system.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jul 11, 2006, 13:28:

LOL Lauthra is it you writing or Barry? such a sweet face being so nasty jajaj

Colombiche bring tons so he dissapear in the toilet :) jiji

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Colombiche says on Jul 11, 2006, 13:36:

Don't eat more than two The other day I gave a friend of my mothers a pack of these, she ate 8 cookies in one sitting and she ended up having to go to the ER to get "induced". Too much fibre can have the opposite effect.

Take it from colombiche the holistic healer.

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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Lauthra says on Jul 11, 2006, 13:44:

hihihi It's me, I have a very potty :P I can't help it! I try and keep it as polite as I can, but when Elmo starts a thread like this, what is one to do, its almost instinctual!

Nato

(='.'=)

Nato (='.'=)

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elmodefoque says on Jul 12, 2006, 06:05:

The closer it gets to my trip back to curramba, the more concerned I get about this damn corroncho size hemorrhoids. Suppose I pick up a beautiful young barranqullera, take her to my hotel room, get all naked and as I walk to the bathroom she sees that bright red strawberry size hemorrhoids hanging from the crack of my black ass. What is she gonna say? That’s enough to kill any romantic mood.
What if we’re doing a 69 (me on top) and she sees that thing inches from her face, either she’s gonna throw up, laugh, storm outta the room, call a doctor or do all at the same time.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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Crazy4Cali says on Jul 12, 2006, 09:33:

Isn't this the 21st century? I don't mean to be rude and, after some of the graphic descriptions presented in this thread, I doubt that's possible any more. But, can't you see a doctor? Don't they have procedures to repair this.

I mean if that's what could be standing betweeen you and a hot barranquillera, I would think you'd be knocking down the door of the nearest emergency room with your emergency! I'm talking about the potential of not getting "any" on your next trip to Colombia. If that's not an emergency, I don't know what is!

Call 9-1-1 for cryin' out loud!

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elmodefoque says on Jul 12, 2006, 13:21:

Talked to a good friend who has suffered from enormous size hemorrhoids for years, yet he has many girlfriends and not one has laughed or stopped seeing him because of his embarrassing medical condition. He told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed and some girls actually find those things very sexy. One gave him a loving pet name, “buffoon ass”

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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oldbongo says on Jul 12, 2006, 13:27:

hey elmo... talk about PAIN...
those little things you got are NOTHIN!!!!

look up orgasmic cephalgia....
and thank your lucky stars this is not your complaint.

talk about ultimate punishment for being bad.

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utopiacowboy says on Jul 12, 2006, 17:13:

My wife had hemorrhoids after having had three children so she had an operation to have them removed. This was several years ago after she was widowed but before she met me. Now she's got an asshole that a newborn baby would envy. Nice tight sweet chiquito.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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elmodefoque says on Jul 18, 2006, 06:00:

I’m delighted to report that just like my lovely young colombian wife, my pain in the ass hemorrhoids also went away.

ASK NOT WHAT THE PUSSY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THAT PUSSY!!!!!!!!!! CAT LOVER

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