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I think I need to give her the benefit of the doubt...

Talking with friends, and discussing all the things that have happened in the past 6 months. A revelation appeared. There is a very good chance, based on some medical problems she is having, that the tremendous stress that she is under may be causing a hormonal imbalance. In essence, her hormones are not right causing her to have emotional issues 'lack of love." Since I don't have the money to send her back right now, and she has to stay with me until then, I am thinking about getting her to a doctor for hormone correction and marriage couseling, and seeing what happens. That will take care of the barrier that was in place, and the Counseling should help also. The hormone treatment will take several months to work, so I am going to give her her time in Colombia to sort things in her head.

I know you guys can only give advice from what input I give you, so you can't see the big picture. In Addition, I may be heading down a road of making things worst, but I have seen enough to know she is not after the green card, and there is enough evidence to show that she did have true feelings for me at one time, but If I am going to write that much, I might as well write a book.

I know many of you are probably shaking your head, but I think there is enough here worth giving her a chance and saving my marriage. Before this revelation, I was ready to end it, but it fits so well into explaining alot of what has been going on for the past 6 months.

So wish me luck

By bob777 on Sep 29, 2006, 10:10 in Friendly Talkzone.

Wastelandlive says on Sep 29, 2006, 13:49:

You're right Bob. We can't see the big picture. I can't speak for others, but the more details you provide, the more skeptical I become.

I hate to be judgmental... but you just married a mother of two, and you CAN'T AFFORD to buy her a plane ticket? Yet you CAN afford to pay a doctor for "hormonal correction" and a counselor?

How does that work?

I do wish you luck. I'm EXTREMELY skeptical... I'm amazed at how successful the pharmaceutical industry has been in redefining character problems as medical problems, and then selling pills to fix them.

There are of course moments in a woman’s life when a hormonal imbalance can cause depression - after childbirth, for example. Is there some equally sound physical explanation for your wife’s condition? I note that you are very elliptical about the nature of her "medical problems."

If, on the one hand, that's due to a genuine desire for privacy, then I can respect that (though I think it's a little misplaced in an anonymous forum where you are seeking advice). If, on the other hand, your discretion is an attempt to avoid the fact that you yourself don't really believe her problems are medical, and you don't want this latest - very, VERY convenient – explanation challenged, then you are simply in denial, grasping at straws.

BTW - I'm not among those who think your wife is a green card hunter. From what you've written, she's not nearly as patient and conniving as a green card hunter, and she clearly doesn't know how to go about it. I think she’s just an immature, unprincipled person who doesn’t really know what she wants and doesn’t really care about anybody else.

What we know from your description is that she shares a popular misconception that "love" is a feeling: that she's not responsible for her feelings: and that it's acceptable to abandon commitments, let herself down, and let everyone around her down - including and ESPECIALLY her children - when she is unhappy.

Apparently she regards her wedding vows with the same seriousness that we give to an out of state parking ticket on a rental car.

If your judgment is such that you committed to a poorly educated, immature Prozac queen full of vague ailments which rationalize bad behavior, no financial assets to speak of, and two children by another man... then heaven help you Bob.

It's going to be a loooooooooonnnng ride, an expensive, and painful lesson.

PS - Good luck!

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

adrimm says on Sep 29, 2006, 18:21:

Solution Move back to Colombia with her, frame it as a permanent move and go from there.

0 funny, 0 helpful.