I need some advice about Colombian men.

Neonovo says on Sep 30, 2005, 07:45:

Some of us colombians, even after several wives... claim to never have had a "real-serious" relationship...

Paz
Neonovo

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harocha says on Sep 30, 2005, 15:53:

Colombian MEN -Vs.- American MEN Actually they are MEN where ever they are as women are women no matter where they are, MEN have the same thoughts about women, Boobs, Behinds, and Pussy cats always are the most interesting thing no matter where they are, where they were borned, or what language they speak.

The Colombian men (NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT A LOT OF THEM): like to drink (pretty often, and they never admit they are alcoholics "I can control the Alcohol" is what they say) "yeah sure"... They put their eyes in other women pretty often, no matter how beatiful you are "grass is always greener", and have this tendency to lie pretty easy and never admit it. They want to have kids no matter what you want, watch soccer, drink beers, go out with their buddies, come home late after the relationship becomes "more formal"= (what on their words means BORRING), they expect you to cook & clean for them, but they never bring you flowers, (an less is your birthday if they remember), never take you out to eat something (again an less you are getting one year older), never put any efford on doing things for you or with you, other than give you more work to do. A lot have the macho attitude.

American MEN (Again NOT ALL of them have a drinking problem, and the ones that have it admit it so you have the chance to run away from them, they put their eyes in other women too (sorry),
their excuse is that they admire the beauty of the women in general...,
They lie too, but they can admit things on your face, and ask you to forgive them (if you forgive or not will be your choice =))

Not all of them want to have kids, and the ones who want to have kids are kind enough to care for your feelings too, they watch FOOTBALL instead, but like to do other things with you as well, they go out with their buddies from time to time IF you are ok with it, and sometimes you can join them if you want to, they rather to go with you to Grand Cannyon, or Tahoe, or Canada, or Colombia, or Europe or anywhere in the world than be with 4 guys drinking beer, they come to agreements so much easier, and some of them like to be organized and the ones who are not are willing to learn how to be, or at least they try, in oreder to make the relationship better.

They like you to cook for them and clean BUT they can clean as well, and cook (BBQ) and if you need them, they are ready to help you, they take you out just to thank you for been working in the house for both of you, they bring you flowers from time to time (it does not have to be your birhtday) they actually care for your sensitivity and are very nice to you when you are ovulating.

In other words, I find American guys super more atractive and super more careful for their women that Colombian men.

This is just my opinion...

By the way I know you want an American woman to give her opinion but I am Colombia, sorry.

Hope this answer your question a little bit.

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marcastillo says on Sep 30, 2005, 16:38:

harocha Certainly your posting made me laugh, because I have experienced both situations and YES…you are right!!!!. My first marriage with a “costeño” was just like the first part you described in your posting. He loved to drink and he preferred his friends than anything else…hey I am a pretty girl and I could never understand why he was doing that to me. He had 3 or 4 lovers in 4 years of marriage…oh and he was a liar.. man he knew how to lie..
One day I woke up and decided it was enough for me, so I left him. Afterwards everything was so complicated, but finally I got divorced after my case was filed. 4 years went by and I met my gringo husband, who is pretty close to the second part of your description. However, he does not drink at all and he prefers to be at home than going out with his buddies.
Please understand that I am not trying to generalize, but this is just the point of view of a girl who has tried both situations. There are bad people everywhere, so what you have to do is play the lotto for a chance to win the big jackpot and find the “right” one!!!

Marsh

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2retirensa says on Sep 30, 2005, 16:48:

Well girls... I am an American engaged to a Colombiano. I find him to be much more considerate than most other men I have known personally or see in relationships with girl friends. He more or less fits the second description.
Brings flowers, sends cards for no reason, and helps me when I need or want help (even in the house)etc.
I agree with GIB, you just can't generalize. There are good and bad every where. You will find what you look for any place you go if you keep an open mind.
Maureen

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harocha says on Sep 30, 2005, 17:25:

You are right Mar and 2reti are right, there are all kind of men every wher in the world, and What i meant was American MEN "Not All of them have drinking Problems" meaning that most Colombians do have that problem, but again NOT ALL.

One thing I find is that Americans are very willing to enjoy a relationship and learn the good of it, while Colombian MEN (again not all) get bored pretty easy and rather their own world regarless if the woman is fun or not, pretty or not, kind or not. My own experience even with my family is that my Dad (Colombian) for example is the best Dad in Colombia =), a great man for my Mom, and they love and respect eachother after 35 years together, but he still is a Colombian MAN with his goods and BADS. So I really think that the way you were raced, the education level and the culture makes a huge difference in what type of man you find for you.

2ret: you got lucky there, so keep it the good work with him and make sure he is not a dream which you are going to wakeup one day, =) hehehe, just a joke, sorry, Good for you.

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2retirensa says on Sep 30, 2005, 17:35:

harocha Yes, I did get lucky- especially since I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship let alone marriage.
Anything is possible, but we are older, maybe a little more settled in our ways. Our character is pretty well ingrained at out age (I hope). I have noticed he does things for me with no problem, but with his daughter, he acts like he doesn't know how to do anything. I don't give him permission to be like that with me!! (but then, he has benefits with me that he doesn't with her!!)
Maureen

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harocha says on Sep 30, 2005, 18:13:

Maureen You got a good point, Older men are much more kind and more willing to treat us (women) with care and love. I think they got all the experience they wanted to and when they reach certain age they change (****WARNING****NOT ALL MEN)for good so much, and that is the case with my Dad, he changed so much for good, not that he was BAD man before, but now he is so much more considerated with Mom than he was before.

For me, I always like older men, with young people i get bored pretty easy, it feels so silly the way they act and the things they talk about over and over. The fact that someone can share with you knowledgeble stories, and so many toughts and experiences that can help you down in the road to avoid bad moments and to learn more about how to live life open and wide with all the enjoyment, is so facinating.

Anyway, I hope Orlandosugar23 can get a good sence of MEN in general out of this forum.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 1, 2005, 10:52:

This is what I love about PBH. Desi rides my ass for being a sarcastic HP and yet we've got threads like this. This is EXACTLY why I think PBH sucks. It's filled with stupid generalizations. For every worthless Colombian husband I can find an equally worthless American husband. And the reverse is true as well. We have the Colombiana Stepford Wife, I wonder what would be the Colombiano model?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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orlandosugar23 says on Oct 1, 2005, 11:23:

Thanks for the input....as I have been searching this site I have been quite surprised. I have been dating a Colombian for about 5 months. I am trying to learn more about the culture because I have noticed some differences that I want to be able to overcome. I am surprised by what some people think about American women and Colombian men. He is the sweetest and most thoughtful boyfriend I have ever had. He works hard, has his own money and treats me great. I just want to be able to make our relationship work despite our cultural differences.

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harocha says on Oct 1, 2005, 11:31:

Want to know what ColombianoX is doing??? Many of you wanted to know how he is doing?, well now you know what he has been up to.

This maybe a reason to hear other Colombianos MACHO EGO voices.

What is wrong about giving some one who is asking your opinion? maybe i should have said: "oh based on my experience with Colombianos, they are the perfect model of men, never drink, never look at other women, never go out with buddies, never rather a beer than you, they are never MACHO MAN, etc, etc, etc, just to keep ColombianoX happy. Yeah Sure"

From ColombianoX
To: harocha

"In other words, I find American guys super more atractive and super more careful for their women that Colombian men."
Your little diatribe putting down colombian men (YOUR OWN PEOPLE)is nothing but shameful and demonstrates one of our people's greatest defects, the tendency to always put down 'lo criollo' and favor 'lo entranjero'. May I remind you that your father is colombian, not (US) american!
Colombianas como usted son una verguenza! Es por esa mentalidad tan tercermundista como la suya que nuestro país está como está! Felicidades!
ColombianoX
'Defensor de la Colombianidad'
Hi ColombianoX

I have no idea IF you are:

Colombiano, American (who feels Colombian) with a Colombian wife, or American with American (who feels Colombian) wife living in Colombia.

IF you are a Colombiano: Well there is nothing to say here other than your MACHO EGO was hit by a Colombian women who is not afraid to say how embarrassing “A LOT BUT NOT ALL” Colombian men are. Wake up DUDE, look around, analyze the Society you are living in and face the truth. And open your mind to ADMIT that everywhere in the world there are good and bad things, and WE don’t have to lie about them putting pink flowers around. Do you think we WOMEN have to keep hiding the true about who SOME Colombian men are just because they are our MEN and we don’t have other choices in life other than put up with their screw up way of living their lives??? Besides, I was clear in my appreciation, I clearly said “SOME MEN, NOT ALL OF THEM”, so what is wrong in doing what any other human being on earth including YOU does :COMPARE PEOPLE WHO WE DATED AND HAVE KNOWN ALL OVER. IF you didn’t notice YET that is they way how we “HUMAN BEINGS” including YOU, learn how to pick what we like in life, based on our own experiences and parameters. WHO IS THE TERCER MUNDISTA NOW?

IF you are an American (who feels Colombian) married to a Colombian woman: What the hell are you talking about, REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE GLASS ROOF YOU NEVER TROUGH ROCKS TO THE NEIGHTBOR HOUSE.
Just relax DUDE, and enjoy your happy Colombian woman, obviously you don’t like the typical American Women, WHY? Because you like most American MEN, can’t keep up with the INDEPENDENCY in the American Women Society, nor the ME, ME ,ME and give ME, that Most American MEN complain day and night about MOST American Women. So just shut up.

IF you are American (who feels Colombian) with an American wife living in Colombia: Who the hell you think you are to criticize a society who you definitely don’t know???
Again relax and enjoy what you have and don’t be so Liberal defender of the poor Colombian MEN cause, you have no idea what you are talking about.

In any case, just remember that been a TERCER MUNDISTA is also not having an open mind to see the true, and to never ADMIT (just like typical Colombian MEN what is the reality about the life you are living.

Come on You ColombianoX Defensor de la Colombianidad, give me a break and look your self on a mirror honey.
Advice: OPEN YOUR MIND, AND LOOK AROUND, MAYBE YOU WILL BE SURPRISE IF YOU DON’T KEEP THAT “RETRO” MENTALLITY.

Harocha "la tercer mundista"

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CaryGrant says on Oct 1, 2005, 12:00:

I have to admit that I have heard sentiments similar to haroche's echoed by many Colombian women - and men. And she was clear that she was generalizing and that there were exceptions. If you take her post as conveying a general feel and impression, I think many of the Colombians I have met would agree.

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caslug says on Oct 1, 2005, 14:23:

it depends on which country the US or COL guy.. is living. If it's the US, then i think the COL guy and US guy will be somewhat similar, especially if the COL guy has been living in the US for many years. If it's in COL, then i the COL guy will be more like what Haroacha said. Also, if the US guy has been living in COL for long time and gone native, there maybe a chance he'll start adopting some of those items(primarily cheating). There was an article in El Tiempo earlier this year on cheating spouse, they did a survey in BOG(IRC) and found out that 80% of men and 30% of women cheat on their spouse at least once during their marriage.

Many amigas i've talked with in COL, say that the number 1 reason they breakup w/ boyfriends was cheating, number 2 was jelousy. In COL for a guy with a little money and decent job, it is VERY easy to cheat(this goes for foreigners too)..So i think the guys that DONT CHEAT are REALLY in love(good for them).

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 1, 2005, 16:02:

UC, I'm not 'riding your ass' I don't ever think of people on those terms. I was offering you some constructive criticism for your high-handed manner of answering to new posters. How much did you know of Colombia and Colombian people before you met your wife and went to Medellin the first time?

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 1, 2005, 16:22:

Do you think this is an informative or useful thread?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 1, 2005, 16:25:

not to you or me, cowboy but I hope it'll develop into one for the OP.
Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 1, 2005, 16:35:

Here's my problem with it. It takes a one-size-fits-all approach as though all Colombian men are the same and all American men are the same. So we don't need to talk about individuals. We can just make idiotic generalizations that when applied to specific individuals are frequently wrong. This is the stuff of racism and bigotry where you judge an individual not on his or her own qualities but on the basis of some generalization about skin color or ethnicity. I despise this kind of thinking and it permeates this site. I am all in favor of learning about the culture but a person walks treacherous ground when you relate to someone else solely on this basis. Is it in the Colombian culture to be frequently late? Sure, but when my wife says cuatro she means cuatro punto. If I am late do you think I'll be excused by telling her it's acceptable in her culture to be late? Not just no, but hell no. In fact she'd be even more insulted if I used such a crappy excuse.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Oct 1, 2005, 16:46:

you have to start from somewhere. UC, if you feel you have gained some insight by being married to a Colombiana who doesn't fit the stereotype that's very good for you. However, not everybody else is as fortunate. Give people a break. If the OP was rather clueless let's help her along to make things a bit clearer; by your post you've already made a point. We all learn from the experiences shared by others. Let's just get off our high horses and be a bit more humble.

Cheers,
Desi

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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lockheed says on Oct 2, 2005, 05:54:

Trying to be DOCTOR FIL You know whats the problem with you U.S. people? You are to complicated when it comes to relationships and this finding a partner thing. For you its like going to shop for a new car. You got to many sets of rules that you want to go by. Like this going on a date issue, it reminds me of a check ride with a FAA examiner or your company chief pilot, the moon has to be perfect, the restaurant A/C must be exact temp. the prospect has to have matching everything, theres got to be the right song playing, the good night kiss issue,
come on people and this is just the 1st date, then comes these other stage checks that you U.S. put each other through and if one or the other don't reach it then O I think the relationship is not working.
Just relax and forget all those dumm rituals, and just live life and go with your heart and a little of your brains, like they said if you win the lottery it's going to be clear sky's ahead with the ocasional thunder showers.
American man, Colombian man, the Colombian man let's you know he likes other woman, the American man pretends he is not interested.
I think you should do your thing and don't worry what other people say.
But remember alway be realistic, don't go looking for Richard Gere, Tom Cruise, and you look like Rosanne, or Ophrah, this might run you into some trouble. But again in love anything goes.

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kernow62 says on Oct 2, 2005, 07:20:

Look it has worked I assume for 5 months. So this forum isn't going to help the relationship unless you ask a specific question. It appears to me that something has happened which is not what you expect of a mate and you want to know or want to believe it is a cultural difference.

Let's get down to the root. What is this cultural difference you are wanting to know about?

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SirTropical says on Oct 5, 2005, 11:47:

who's daddy ??? I am Colombian...feel more latino than anything, specially when listening to a good salsa, merengue and even a good reggaeton and without hesitation I should say we are a chauvinist culture with a strong family bound and a paternalist profile.

Forget about finding a strict behaviour pattern in cross - cultural relationships; there are very few signs of female and male fixed patterns to follow when in a relationship, and as to say that relationships are culturally bounded and herein the whole dilemma:

Culture implies a set of parameters that are deeply rooted and acquired in the later childhood and the early teen years, so most of us are unaware of the primitive and natural impulses and behaviours caused when reacting to a relationship issues.

Females and males we react also to external stimuli, chemical imbalances, conditioned and pre-conditioned feelings and surprisingly and in great measure to imagination!! so you won't be surprised next time when asking yourself why did you do this or that.

It's to my believe that we rely not exclusively but mostly in the ability to "negotiate" our feelings and rigths against our partners...needless to say in most cultures partners will use the flaws in strenght against eachother and eventually comes a balancing on the scale.

I am not justifying ceratin males or females, neither encouraging rampant femenist or chauvinist rage ..lol or trying to prove who's best but, we all can be stupids at different speeds :)

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harocha says on Oct 5, 2005, 13:11:

I agree with you Sir we all can be stupids at different speeds!

And some of us can get stock "still" in the moment and never do anything to get out of it!

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