I guess I did not beat the odds...

Miguel says on Sep 28, 2006, 09:34:

Holy shit I checked and saw that you have been here nearly a year and a half. Vent as long as you want, and I wish you the best.

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802MARK says on Sep 28, 2006, 10:03:

SORRY BRO I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT, BUT PLEASE KNOW THAT IT DOES HAPPEN A LOT TO OTHER PEOPLE, SO THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. MY WIFE WAS HERE IN THE STATES FOR ABOUT A MONTH AND SHE WAS CRYING ABOUT MISSING HER FAMILY, I SAID WELL I WILL CHECK ON A TICKET FOR YOU TO GO BACK IN THE A.M. AND SHE GRABBED ME UP AND SAID NO NO NO. IT IS NORMAL FOR THEM TO BE VERY UNHAPPY ONCE THEY GET HERE, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS IN COLOMBIA, FAMILY IS ALL THEY HAVE AND THEY ARE A VERY TIGHT BUNCH, UNLIKE AMERICANS AS A WHOLE WE HAVE OUR OWN HOME AWAY FROM FAMILY, THEY ALL STAY TOGETHER. BEING HOMESICK IS ONE THING, BUT TO TELL YOU SHE HAS LOST THE LOVE SHE HAD FOR YOU IN COLOMBIA IS A WHOLE OTHER BALL GAME. SOUNDS TO ME SHE NEVER HAD LOVE FOR YOU, BUT HAD LOVE FOR A NEW LIFE IN AMERICA ON YOUR TAB. NOW SHE HAS GIVEN YOU THE OUT YOU REALLY NEED AND I MEAN REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW,, RUN DONT' WALK,, RUN TO YOUR COMPUTER AND BUY THE TICKETS TO GO BACK TO COLOMBIA... THEN ONCE SHE IS THERE, CALL YOUR LAWYER AND START THE PAPERWORK FOR THE DIVORCE.. SHE LEFT THE MARRIAGE AND WENT HOME.. COOL. FILE IT NOW... IF NOT THEN THOSE SO CALLED FRIENDS AT THE POOL WILL MAKE HER CHANGE HER MIND ON GOING HOME AND STAY HERE, AND THEN MY FRIEND YOU ARE GOING TO BE PAYING THE BILLS AND BE ON THE HOOK FOR HER AND HER KIDS FOR AS LONG AS SHE IS IN THE STATES, EVEN IF YOU DIVORCE HER.. HOWS IT GOING TO FEEL THEN WHEN SHES WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND YOUR STILL ON THE HOOK FOR THEM? GET THEM BACK TO COLOMBIA, AND THEN SHE WON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO FLY BACK AND DON'T YOU DARE LET HER CALL YOU FROM THERE IN A MONTH OR SO AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH SHE LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU AND WANTS TO BE THERE BY YOUR SIDE AGAIN AND AS YOUR WIFE... CAUSE IF YOU DO AND BRING THEM BACK GO AHEAD AND BURN EVERYTHING YOU OWN IN THE STREET, FLY TO COLOMBIA ALONE AND LEARN HOW TO STAND ON SOMEONES BACK AND JUGGLE FIRE STICKS!! MAKE SURE YOU SPEAK TO A LAWYER ON ALL OF THAT, AND COVER YOUR ASS, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO DOWN AND PICK YOURSELF ANOTHER ONE AND TRY AGAIN, AND YOU DON'T NEED ANYTHING THAT MIGHT HOLD YOUR PAPERWORK UP ON ANOTHER ONE. YES I DID SAY ANOTHER ONE,, ONE BAD APPLE DOESN'T SPOIL THE PIE MY BROTHER.. AGAIN I AM SORRY THAT THIS HAS HAPPEN, BUT MAKE YOURSELF LOOK AT THE WHOLE THING AND THINK WITH YOUR HEAD NOW AT THIS POINT NOT YOUR HEART.

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Olgalucia says on Sep 28, 2006, 10:16:

Miguel, I agree with Mark, except the part about she might call you once she is in Colombia begging to come back. Sounds like she has a plan and I know what it is, but won't divulge it. It's happened to a lot of men that bring girls from Cuba to Canada. Only they don't wait until the second day!!! when they get to the airport, they tell the husband how it's not going to work, thank you, bye!!!
Good luck Miguel - you're being taken in.

"I am not bound to please thee with my answers" William Shakespeare

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Miguel says on Sep 28, 2006, 10:39:

Olgalucia Grab a mitt and get in the game. I was just wishing the OP luck.

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Olgalucia says on Sep 28, 2006, 10:54:

No need for mitts, Miguel I know you were being nice

"I am not bound to please thee with my answers" William Shakespeare

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Jlove says on Sep 28, 2006, 11:35:

I feel you pain Bob. I went through the same thing in June. Luckily I was not married yet even though she asked me to marry in Colombia. By the third day she was crying, acting depressed as if she was in the worst place in the world and talking about killing herself. Also she began calling her male friends in Cali which i did not think was respectful. I sent her back thank the lord. I was said to do so and loved her but what they say is true. Within a little while she was living the fun life that exist so strongly in Cali. And just as they said she called me from there attempting to re-establish a relationship at the reality that dance salsa does no put food on the table set in. I am assuming that she did not have to work and pay any of the fees to travel here. for that reason they do not respect what they received as if they would if it was their money, time and effort. Send her back quickly and do not allow her to talk herself back into your heart.

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Qubo says on Sep 28, 2006, 12:08:

Dude jump ship while u can This type of things happen everyday. Take the advice of the people here and ship her back to Colombia. I have a friend that is going thru hell because she said the same thing but he was naive and didn't overnight her back home along with her children. She moved out with another dude and called the cops on him. She said he was beating and abusing her. The guy that was pulling the strings wore her out pretty good and sent her packing back. Like a dumby he took her in and she jumped bail again with the next guy. He doesn't know where she is and they are now playing the cat and mouse game. He divorced her so he said...but she is still here in the USA.. The worse thing is he is Colombian as well. They are from the same barrio..Beware and take the advice of others. You need to cut her off quick b4 your tears wear your pockets.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Sep 28, 2006, 12:13:

Damn That's really rough. You have my sympathy.

My guess is that she naively entered into a marriage she had misgivings about with the thought that when she got to the US everything was going to be just PERFECT (Meaning just like TV). Then she landed wherever you live and realized life is life, and she'd done something stupid that also victimized you.

I'd put her on a plane home and chalk it up to a very tough learning experience.

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Wastelandlive says on Sep 28, 2006, 13:54:

Ah yes... the old "I have lost my love for you." Bob

Most people in this world are schmucks.

I don't mean that they're evil or out to hurt you... they're just schmucks. They have no principles - no moral code - whatsoever. Oh... they THINK they do, because they are full of virtuous ideas: "Ooh! That genocide in Darfur is so awful! How can they do that?"

But when it comes to doing the hard right in their own lives? Forget it: they're completely self-centered. They live for the moment, demand immediate gratification, and put their own short-term desires above all else.

This is also a good definition of children, by the way. We all start out just like that, but as we go through life we - hopefully - learn something about give and take, the value of patience and sacrifice, the golden rule, etc. etc.

This is the part where I ask you... how old are you Bob? How old is she? How much life experience did she have when you decided to relocate her and her two children to an entirely different culture?

Wasteland

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toneloc24 says on Sep 28, 2006, 14:40:

To add on to Wastelandlive's questions....

Do you speak decent Spanish? Does she speak decent English? Was there any discussion at all about expectations once they arrived in the USA? Did you try to provide anything to help them transition into their new life in the USA (ex. Spanish-speaking friends, familiar foods, etc.)?

I too agree with the advice given prior. Run...fast.....Get them on a plane back home immediately.

However, how long and how well did you know this lady that within 10 days with you in the USA, it came to this?

"PBH is dead!!!!"

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 28, 2006, 15:04:

I just don't understand these threads or the comments about how attached Colombianas are to Colombia and how much they miss their families blah blah blah. My wife has not been to Colombia in the three years since she left. She has always been happy to be here with her husband and children. Was I just lucky? Or was it more than luck? Make sure that you are #1 in your wife's life, above her family, above her children, above everyone else. Treat her likewise.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Mr. Hollywood says on Sep 28, 2006, 15:18:

Utopia I think it's obvious that your wife came from a different level of education and economic comfort than many of these brides. So she wasn't just glomming on to you to escape an untenable situation. I think a lot of poor Colombian women really do fall "in love" with a man who can bring them out of poverty and then fall out of love the second that's achieved. The hierarchy of needs changes fast.

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802MARK says on Sep 28, 2006, 16:31:

MISS THEIR FAMILY I THINK THAT MOST MISS THEIR FAMILY AND WAY OF LIFE. I KNOW IN MY CASE WHEN I WOULD GO TO COLOMBIA I WOULD LOVE IT UNTIL THAT 3RD MONTH THEN AND I AM A 40 YEAR OLD, WOULD START TO MISS HOME AND THE THINGS THAT I KNEW AND WAY OF LIFE, AND I WOULD GET A LITTLE DOWN ABOUT IT, THEN I WOULD HAVE TO GO OUT AND FIND MYSELF 2 SWEET COLOMBIAN LADIES TO CHEER ME UP. ALL BETTER NOW!!! ANOTHER ROUND ANYONE?

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Don Miguel says on Sep 28, 2006, 17:11:

Ship her back!!!!!!! After reading your plight, I agree with Mark 100 percent. For future reference though, when choosing a Colombian girlfriend/prospective wife, I would caution you to select a woman from a good family backgroud, a good education and moral values who lives in a good nieghbourhood. Doing a little of due diligence will save you a great deal of heart ache. Areas such as Palmira should send up a red flags, not to say there are not very good people in palmira, only that small towns have fewer opportunities, and you become a way out. I can speak from experience that a marriage with a Colombian woman can be the most wonderful experience of your life. But as with anything be cautious. I have been married with my wife for 8 years and every year is better than the last. Yes she cried in the begining,and missed her family, but we married for love not for covenience. My wife is a very devote catholic (as am I) and has a masters degree in criminology, she has a great family with strong moral values who live in Cali. I hope that you are able to divorce this woman as quickly as possible and get on with finding what I found in Colombia, my soul mate.

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miamimike says on Sep 28, 2006, 17:29:

Don't waste another Moment, Start The Divorce Immediately and inform her she is soon to be on her own. Report her to Immigration immediately VIA Registered Mail, include a copy of the Divorce proceedings or a copy you have iniated the divorce. Thank your lucky stars you found out this early but don't BUY the part "She wants to be only Friends". Do not ever get into any verbal shouting matches where she calls the authorities as she will try to use this against you. My Buddy in West Palm Beach divorced his BQA wife of 15 months after she was here only to find out(from immigration) he was on the "Hook" financially for Support for her Kids for 10 Years. SHe tryed to play the Verbal abuse card BTW so be careful about what you do or say. Great Idea to get her back to Colombia ASAP and leave her high and DRY. I personally would never marry a woman with young kids or kids still in the house. Most of these deals don't work out with Bambinos. LOL BTW, was there much of a difference in Age? Hope not,,,

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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adrimm (☼Travelguide writer) says on Sep 28, 2006, 22:36:

rwberk4673 says on Sep 28, 2006, 23:50:

I just met mine, now I'm worried I just returned from a ten day trip to Medellin, met a wonderful woman of 36 with no children and has never been married. I have the strong feelings for her (as she does for me) to potentially see as her a candidate for marriage. I admit to being nervous that she has moved awfully fast in the emotional department, constantly telling me how much she loves me and that she wishes to spend the rest of her life with me. That would all be great, but the fact is we just met. I'm assuming thats a common theme over there when it comes to meeting someone from the USA. In her favor thus far, she's been employed as a nurse for 16 years, has a couple properties, (modest), seems to be close to her family. Has a desire to come to the US, and just signed up for a 15 month english learning class. I am paying for it, but thats because I offered to. I only pay for that and her high speed internet access. She's not asked me for anything, I can't figure it out. But, like many of you I'm sure, I'm caught up in the moment and want this one to work out. After Reading Bob's story, I'm a little nervous now. I guess ya never know, can they really leave you right after they get here? The catch is they have to go back to Colombia though, right? They cant' stay here. I was thinking I had two years to see if it would last. Is that right? Thanks for reading.

Bob

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miamimike says on Sep 29, 2006, 00:15:

rwberk4673 You have 90 Days to see if it you two get along that is if she comes on a Fiancee Visa to the USA. You have to get married within this time(90 days) otherwise she is supposed to return to her Country of Origin. Problem is if she walks on you after she gets here, you may be held liable for any debts occurred. Many of those Women who bail out on the Marriage eventually End up down here in Miami, seen it lots of times. Yes, She is supposed to go back but you can't force her to return. If you get married and she bails out on you, again, you will be liable for any debts she occurs because you signed an Affadavit of Support to support her during her stay. Its a dicey proposition at best. She seeems to be in a big hurry to get to the USA; you should mention this to her "I've had a change of mind and would like to relocate to Colombia and live with you married here, does that change our Relationship at all?" Do you have any problem with that? If she says No you have a winner! If she throws a fit and says she only wants to live with you in the US, beware, beware....Maybe she wants to get and Revalidate her Nursing License in the USA for work Purposes....

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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miamimike says on Sep 29, 2006, 00:38:

Don Gringo-Yes They do deport Those Who Do Not remain Married run into people all the time here who have been deported from the US who got married but did not stay married for the three year requiremment to get permanent Res. Evidently they are pretty strict with this one and will deport in a heartbeat in these situations. Don't tell her that but if she ever finds out she will be at your side for three years and then gone.
====================================================================

for the Two year period needed to remove Conditional Residency off the immigrant's status.. Many say in a fraudulent marriage the odds are they never catch these people but that is not true! True, they do not catch everyone but they catch many more then one thinks. I worked at the Federal Krome detention Center in SW Miami for 6 years and I can't tell you how many 100s I saw detained there at Krome for Fraud marriages before being sent home. I was really surprised as I also never thought they caught(INS then, now ICE)many who pulled this; How wrong I was. I think unless you actually work day in, day out at a place like Krome, you don't see the daily Numbers. Its higher then most imagine and Krome is NOT a pretty place; it sits in the Swamp where the Everglades start, its overcrowded full of Large Mosquitoes,Snakes and they house all kinds of Detainees(except females and children)at Krome. I saw simple Visa Overstayers(lots of them at krome also-again unless you work there, you think no one gets caught overstaying their tourist visa---Wrong, lots get pulled in for this)people working without papers ect thrown in with Criminal Aliens who were some pretty bad people-Felones ect. Actually in this day and age of Computers, more get caught and with Immigration being a Hot Topic and tightening the screws on Visitors, look for more to get caught in the Future and detained in centers nationwide like Krome.

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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sallya says on Sep 29, 2006, 01:00:

If your Colombian wife was just after a life in the US why would she want to go back to Colombia straight away?

Maybe she is just genuinely having second thoughts? A move to a new country is a huge thing. Maybe you need to give it some time together...

BTW, I can't help noticing how sexist some of the responses to this post have been. If you treat women like a commodity or object to be acquired - 'I want a good Colombian wife with no kids or baggage' - surely you shouldn't be surprised if they turn around and treat you in the same way - as a ticket out of Colombia?!?

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robi666 (Trustee board) says on Sep 29, 2006, 04:44:

Sallya, you're right! But you're coming to live in Santa Marta and you will be surprise about how sexist the people can be down here... watch out for your boyfriend or whoever is the one coming with you ;-) You're in Colombia, not in Stockolm Desiland and you do what you have to do...

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

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panthdave says on Sep 29, 2006, 04:53:

Listen to Friends and Members I had be told the Riot Act from a friend in Medellin..Be careful don't send money and don't try to work out long distance relationship does not work..I go down to have fun and met some good friends in Medellin..Many chicas but treat them the same way as in Miami..Marriage forget it..Thank god I had friends talk to me and wake me up and now have a different attitude.. Don't spend money on chicas because they will play there game just like here in the States. Now with this attitude when I do go down I have great friends and the girls respect me..If your not going to move to Colombia just go down and have fun..The girls should be with you without money and be with you for who you are...That's how I know if there friends or looking for a fool...Be in Medellin in two weeks and can't wait to have fun.. Have heard so many stories and the percentages are that you better listen but sometimes you have to learn on your own...thank god I did not pay that price yet..Also plenty of Latin Woman in Miami I have fun with too.. The girls that have visas already are the ones maybe you can have a relationship with when they visit Miami...but don't marry nor send money..Lost Cause.. You might as keep that money and spend on a girl here in the states..Woman are all the same doesn't matter where..hard to believe but True...






panthdave Miami

panthdave Miami

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lpdiver says on Sep 29, 2006, 05:42:

I sent money... Supported my wife for 27 months. Maintained a long distance relationship and finally got her here. Its on.y been 31 months since she has been here; but, I think I got the real deal.

In the end the are gold diggers and green card seekers of all nationalities and genders. You pays yo money and yo takes yo chances. There were too many red flags involved in my relationship to count. However...I elected to over come my fears and procede and I have no regrets.

Meanwhile she wants to sort things out in Colombia...send her and let her. This goes contra to her being a green card whore and the situation will be more easily handled with her there if things continue to go bad.It is a tough hardnosed stand to take but you need to be prepared to face the worst and open for good "possibilites".

good luck

t

"cook some rice!"

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cali373 says on Sep 29, 2006, 06:53:

Perhaps the fiance visa was the way to go.

Smile if you are a thinker!

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Qubo says on Sep 29, 2006, 09:15:

DonGringo,I am on DonGringo,

I am on ROTFL....but so true..I would never stick my hands in the blender while plugged...Ouch. I am at work asking myself how can guys fall for these type of scams. I mean would start paying for a young girls tuition after you've meant her here in the States. I think most of you guys get wheeled in because most of the people feel bad for people in Colombia. Aaah, they are so poor and have it so hard let me help her get her life together. Hello wake up..people in Colombia aren't fools or want you to fill pity for them. Besides, a small percentage live better than us. Anyway, just me 2 centavos.. I had to comment on this subject. My colombian friend is still mourning.."How can she do this to me..Why doesn't she realize I am giving her something she would never have in Colombia"..Que boboso..pues, mucha suerte..The reality is Bob will not be the first nor the last..I hope the newbie take heed and drop that paisa quick...b4 you end up here crying us a river in 4 to 6 months.

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lawyer CO says on Sep 29, 2006, 12:33:

LEGAL ADVICE ( YOU ARE IN A LEGAL EMERGENCY) YOU HAVE LESS THAN A YEAR TO FILL A PETITION FOR DIVORCE IN COLOMBIA COURTS AND MAKE HER DECLARED GUILTY. IN CASE YOU DONT DO IT , SHE WILL GET 50% OF YOUR ASSETS AND A PENSION FOR LIFE!!!!!.

IT IS ONE STRANGE THING ABOUT COLOMBIAN FAMILY LAW. SHE CAN GET A BOYFRIEND , LIVE WITH HIM BUT STILL HAVE TO SEND HER MONEY.

BE CAREFUL

GREETINGS

ESTEBAN RADA
COLOMBIAN LAWYER
lawyerscolombia at yahoo.com

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rwberk4673 says on Sep 29, 2006, 13:45:

Thanks Appreciate the feedback. With the exception of her obsessive love for me, she seems to be a quality woman on all fronts. Curious on how she's escaped (very attractive) marriage til age 36. Which then makes me wonder why she fell for me so quickly. Excludingg a few make out sessions and some small gifts I bought for her, I really didn't do anything that special. I had a similar experience with a doctor from Medellin last year, she opted to hookup with an Egyptian guy and left me in the lerch. As for this one (Claudia)she has that same type of obsession of being with me for life. To your question that I should pose to her, (good one by the way), if I were to guess, I'll bet she says she doesn't care, she just wants to be with me. If thats the case, does that make it a safe play then? I know there are no guarantees, but I am looking for couple test questions to determine her sincerity. Last night for example, she told my translator that it was "my decision" on whether she should sell her property in Colombia. That if I wanted her to keep it so we could have a vacation home there, she was fine with it. That would be fine that she wants my opinion after a year of being together, but we just met in person for 10 days and she's acting like we've been together for 5 years. Go figure....I do like her a lot, but I need to work up to the "in love" factor. Thanks again.

Bob

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Crazy4Cali says on Sep 29, 2006, 13:52:

why oh why? At the risk of posting a "me too" post, because I agree with most of the points, I'll do a bit of a public service and summarize the high points:

a) send her and her kid back to Colombia. ASAP! (if not sooner)
b) file for divorce
c) recover from the gaping hole in your heart
d) figure out why you're attracted to basket cases like that in the first place(that's a tough one. It only took me 20 years and a couple of $million to figure out so there's both a financial and an emotional gain to be had by fixing that problem quickly!)
e) look for someone who want's you for you and not for how well you can imitate an ATM machine
f) live happily ever after

It can be done, but it won't happen automatically.

Good luck!

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Crazy4Cali says on Sep 29, 2006, 13:57:

dating a colombiana Red flag: "...she told my translator that..."

I hope you're sending yourself to spanish classes as fast as your sending her to English classes. I know some people do it and some people are happy with it, but I don't know how you could develop a serious relationship without a common language of some sort.

Remember that for many latinas, there is not much in the way of a middle ground. Some are completely in love with you for the rest of their lives...until they aren't. OTOH some really are. Don't go any further or faster than you feel comfortable with.

If you're looking for a test question:

"I'm thinking about quitting my job here and moving in with you to live in Colombia after we get married. I would really rather be down there with you and your family. etc..."

"They are thinking about downsizing at my company, and it looks like I might lose my job...." (they are always thinking about that at any company and you could always lose your job so that's not exactly a lie).

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Wastelandlive says on Sep 29, 2006, 14:39:

Heheheheh "she told my translator" Yep. It's true love, PBH style!

Wasteland

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famsearch says on Sep 29, 2006, 15:49:

compared to the others.... it would appear that i wound up with one of the good ones. spent 2 years getting to know each other before getting engaged, another year before the wedding, and now, almost a year and 3/4 later (thanks to *&^*ing paperwork) she will be here this coming january, and we still love each other as much, if not more than ever.
dan

dan

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adrimm (☼Travelguide writer) says on Sep 29, 2006, 17:16:

Jpine says on Sep 29, 2006, 19:28:

utopiacowboy comment on this subject Man UC i hope i am not reading your post correctly. I appreciate so much advise you give to this board. My problem,, a big problem, and really i hope you wrote this wrong is the following "Make sure that you are #1 in your wife's life, above her family, above her children"

how can anyone ask a women to prioritize their children over a man.

Man you are killing me with this comment as i have respected all your opinions and taken advantage of all your advice throughout the years. as i am not a constant poster i am always looking at this board. man i just hope i read something wrong, how can you ask a woman to put you (a man) above her own children. Please man give me some hope on this that this is some kind of misprint

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caslug says on Sep 29, 2006, 20:03:

what's with the "test quesion"? words are words.. the gal can say the right thing.. when you(thru the translator) ask your "test question"..

Did you meet her in an agency(you're using a translator)? If you did, it doesnt suprise me she wants to come to the US. Afterall, women in agency ARE looking for a foreign husband. If not YOU then someone ELSE! So if you are paying for english lesson, good for you! at least if things dont work out between you two.. you given her a gift that is usefull to her after you left.. she can speak better english w/ the next guy! No wonder she accept the gift!

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Sep 30, 2006, 01:40:

On the other hand when you were in Colombia bob777 she had all the attention of her friends because she was dating a GRINGO and because all Gringos in Colombia looks like James Bond and have the wallet of Bill Gates so she though of herself a very lucky girl, she also though comimng to America would be very glamorous and maybe reality sink, her James bond is another normal Gringo on the block another middle class just like his neighbour and his wallet sunddenly shrink . In Orlando she was a nobody. while in Colombia he was maybe "upgrade" and she very lucky :)

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 30, 2006, 08:35:

Not a misprint. My wife has three children and I have four so we are obviously very focused on our children. Every weekend is pretty much consumed by their activities. Having said that, both my wife and I put each other above our children.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Sep 30, 2006, 09:39:

sorry Uc but, My kids are always going to be above everybody else!!!

first them
second them
third them

and the rest nice to meet you too, bye

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Jpine says on Sep 30, 2006, 09:51:

thanks kat1 I thought i was the only one who thought like that, uc you have your opinion and you live your life the way you do, great for you. i guess just a difference of opinion. no harm no foul

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johnarizona says on Sep 30, 2006, 15:54:

at least be upfront about it I agree with UC, man and wife come before all others, heck I think its even biblical 101. if you end up with a woman who keeps her children first you could easily end up all alone, my bro found that out. I think its a mothers love that says that, but if they act that way, you need to know that, so you can avoid them, or take your chances. not me though.

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utopiacowboy says on Sep 30, 2006, 17:23:

It's not that we are not focused on our children. Each of us realized going into this that with seven children sometimes you have to put their needs ahead of your own desires. However, when push comes to shove, the person who is going to be with you your whole life is your mate, not your children. They are going to go off and have their own lives and then where does that leave you? My question to you, Kat, would be, what are you going to do when you're older, your children have left and you only have your husband? After all those years when he was second fiddle to your kids, do you think you are going to be a close couple? In my first marriage, my wife and I both were second to our children and our marriage suffered for it. I won't repeat that mistake.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Oct 1, 2006, 04:04:

UC wrote "the person who is going to be with you your whole life is your mate"

how we know that you see? nothing is certain, my husband or your wife can run off with somebody else who knows we think we have our future sorted but suddenly change without warning. when i said my kids are my priorities it doesn't mean i live my life running behind them, I have my own live, and i know one day they will leave but still they will be my main priority, if they are happy I am happy if they need me i always going to be there. they are always going to be number one in my life!! the only true love i believe is the mothers towards their children. we always been the main priority to my mum, we left home and she still working and living her own life , we know she would do anything for us, above my dad and everybody else she already showed to us.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 1, 2006, 08:10:

All I can say is, I am glad that I am not married to you. Does Larry know that he is not your number one priority? Lat this be a warning to all you gringos out there - a lot of Colombianas think the way that Kat does.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Oct 1, 2006, 09:02:

UC Larry knows that and he is happy with it. he knows how we Colombians are very close to our families specially our mothers, he is not a selfish guy and he thinks this is great! he wish his mum would had been the same. no wonder so many people here have bad relationship with their parents!!! they don't talk to each other for years, i can't imaging ME doing that!!!.

look at it the other way UC, how many women leave their husband or do anything for another man or a job, without thinking in their kids, I think is selfish!!!

BTW I don't know if all Colombianas think like me, I can't generalized, because i have seen some Colombianas putting their men and themselves first.


And to tell you the truth deep down I think Larry thinks the same he do anything for his kids. I think they are his main priority AND I am happy with that, I know that whatever happens they are going to be number one in his life.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 1, 2006, 09:49:

If it works for you, great. I tried it and it didn't work for me. I think the Book of Genesis had it right:

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24

In your scheme, I think Larry's probably third behind your kids and your parents.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Oct 1, 2006, 09:53:

fourth UC, don't forget "Campanita" mi ternerita in Colombia. she is so cute :)

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Gomezman5 says on Oct 1, 2006, 10:36:

Allow me to chime iN Oh.....way way back on this site, I was involved in a heated debate where I talked about how I thought these types of marraiges were far from matches made in heaven. I remember, and so does UC, that it caused me nasty fight with my now friend Mario of Texas. (By the way where has he been?) I took heat from many. I am happy to know that guys like UC and Mario and ..... a few others have found their sweethearts for life. Good people deserve good women.

As to me, I think is should be perfectly obvious how easy it is for a guy like me to get married to some young Colombian Hottie. I am not just another Gringo looking to married a young Colombian. I am their people. I am a Colombian born man living here. I know their culture, and values, and of course I have an appreciation for everything Colombian. That gives me a bit of an advantage in making the marraige a success. I mean what can be better than being married to a Colombian that can give her papers to live in the US? Yet, I still will not marry a girl from Colombia. There is just too much of these kind of stories out there. In fact, there a lot of guys who come to this site, looking for support, but for every guy who comes here, there are probably many more that have this same experience but don't want to admit it.

Sorry, too much risk for me. But my answer is this one. Forget the soft talk and give her a chance bull shit.

PUT THAT F'IN WOMAN ON A PLANE AND SEND HER HOME. If I missed something and she is there already, stop conversation, stop everything. She is a "head case." I understand that when one comes here they get a bit home sick and all, but she knew what she was doing. To tell you something like that, and then have the nerve to ask you if you can just be her friend is.....rediculous. She is DESCARADA. She is no good.....you deserve better. Go on match.com or a place like that, find a few girls a few miles from your home, and have a couple nice dates. No commitments. No risk. No going to the embassy and spending tons of money. No stupid internaional phone calls that cost you a fortune. Stay with a home grown girl.

And to those who are married to a great Colombiana, I am happy for you. UC, Kernow, Mario,,,and all others, I wish you many years of happiness.

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 1, 2006, 10:39:

I must admit, Kat, that even being fourth in line with you may be a better deal than being first with someone else. Muy chistosa, mi querida!

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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LEGIONNAIREFRANCAISE says on Oct 1, 2006, 11:23:

IM VERY VERY SAD I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR COLOMBIAN PEOPLE CUZ THE FEW FRIENDS I HAD WENT BACK TO COLOMBIA AND IM TRYING TO FIND SOME PEOPLE FROM THERE BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY NICE. NYWAYS IM 24 YEAR OLD GUY FROM SPAIN VERY FRIENDLY AND OUTGOING.

JUST CONTACT ME COLOMBIAN PEOPLE.

VICENTE

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rwberk4673 says on Oct 1, 2006, 13:40:

Test Results Well, the results are in. I guess she passed. She said she didn't care if I moved with her to Colombia, although she did say that may help her to receive faster so we can be together. I didn't read that as anything bad because she is aware that it will take maybe one year to acquire the visa. She's also agreed to help pay for the english classes with proceeds from the sale of her property. I am going back in December to visit her, we'll see how it goes then. For now, I'm not in any trouble, and certainly not out much money. I do know this, I can only keep my guard up for so long, at some point I'm going to have to trust this woman implicitly. Trouble is, that won't be until she actually lives here, and thats a long way away.

Bob

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goin_south says on Oct 2, 2006, 22:32:

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Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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goin_south says on Oct 2, 2006, 23:23:

.
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Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Oct 2, 2006, 23:48:

I don't know how other women think about their priorities but I just wonder what kind of man would actually prefer a woman who didn't give her small children priority over a potential lover, boyfriend, husband-to-be? It's after all, the most basic instinct that a woman has after her child is born to protect and nurture this new life. To push a child aside to give place to a new man in her life is the most unnnatural thing I can imagine a mother could do and one of the most censurable.

Don't take this as criticism UC, your case is a little different because your stepchildren were already quite big and didn't need their mother as much as they would have, say if they were under 7 all. I believe you guys had already figured that out and that's why she could dedicate her time to you as much as she has been able to. The situation would have been dramatically different if her kids had been smaller.

I'm just saying that I understand perfectly where kat is coming from. I feel the same way about my children. As long as they need me they'll be my number one priority; I'm after all responsible for bringing them into this world.

Cheers,
Desi




«Sé que los seres humanos y los peces podrán coexistir en paz». ( George W. Bush, Saginaw 29-09-00)

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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elmodefoque says on Oct 3, 2006, 05:09:

No way, no how, no damnnn broad is gonna come before my kids. I had a mother that chose some low life over us (brothers and me) and from that moment on we aint right. We are all loco en la cabeza. While most 6 year old kids were having breakfast getting ready to gotto school, I was crawling from under cardboards to hustle enough for a caribañola and a coke. Soon my older brother was cooking rice, the cheapest thing out there and when we had no pesos for eggs, we ate mango on a bed of rice. We also had banana on a bed of rice, coco on a bed of rice, ciruela on a bed of rice, tamarindo on a bed of rice, you be surprise how many things you could combine with rice. Sure she was there the first few years of my miserable life but has this affected the way I look at Colombian women? Damn right. I only trust them as far as I could throw them

I'll get there, when I get there!

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Crazy4Cali says on Oct 3, 2006, 13:30:

It all depends Asking a mother to put anything ahead of their children is cruel. But the question isn't whether she puts her husband ahead of the kids, it's how she views the relationship between her and her children and her and her husband. (Or him and his wife, as the case may be).

In an immature relationship, it's seen as an either-or case. As my ex-wife said (emphasis on the "ex"), "Men may come and men may go, but children are forever." A self-fulfilling prophecy if there ever was one.

In a mature relationship, it's seen more in the context described by U.C. "If you don't take care of the relationship while you're raising your children, pretty soon, the kids will grow up, move out and you'll have neither your children nor your relationship."

If it ever comes down to "Me or the children," for whatever reason, you're with the wrong person. It should always be for "Us AND the children." It's too bad that this is often hard to figure out if that's the case until you actually have children because you don't know what to look for. But, I'll give you a hint: If you like black and she likes white and your idea of a good compromise is grey, then you'll probably have this fight after you have kids.

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Desideria (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Oct 3, 2006, 14:09:

unfortunately it's not that simple either suppose you got married in your twenties both and raised up your kids together and took care of each other and the relationship you'll grow old with the same person you married and the children will move out and have their families and you'll get grandchildren and everything will be perfect in the perfect world, but as we all know, it doesn't happen that way in about 50% of the marriages.

Lots of women are faced with the choice between their children and a new man. It's really sad, but it happens every day, when women leave the country to follow a new love to live abroad and leave their babies in care of their grandparents or aunts. Sometimes they do this just because they need to get a job and have nobody who could take care of her children so she leaves them behind meaning to send for her children later.

Also, most Colombian men do not want to marry a woman who already has children; they don't want to raise up somebody's elses kids. Countless women have separated from their children to follow a new man in their lives. There are also women who don't have that strong maternal instinct to start with; they can't live without a man however.

When a woman with children remarries, say with a gringo, who doesn't mind her having children and takes upon himself the role of the father her role as mother and spouse may become conflictive especially if they don't share the same basic ideas about upbringing of children (as often happens in cross-cultural marriages) and she may want to retain her authority over her children instead of handing it over to her new husband. It doesn't automatically become "us and the children"; that'll phase will eventually be reached if the match is successful, but it'll take time.

Whichever way you look at it it's not a good thing that a woman would put her husband (be he the father of her children or not) before her own offspring. These are two totally different relationships that demand diffent things from her and in a healthy relationship there is no competition for her attention or her priorities; the children ought to be the top priority of both their mother and their father, as long as the job of raising the family is not completed.

Cheers,
Desi

«Sé que los seres humanos y los peces podrán coexistir en paz». ( George W. Bush, Saginaw 29-09-00)

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Oct 3, 2006, 14:38:

I agree Desi, i think that nothing can become between my kids and me. as I said they are always going to be number one in my life whatever happened they are my top priority. I can never ever put my kids before a man!

But saying all of this if my husband and I divorce one day for example, I will never put the kids through custody battles, they will be free to choose who they want to stay with, at the end of the day he is their father and i would never stop them to see him, but they still will be number one in my life.

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shawnnn says on Oct 3, 2006, 14:52:

Legal advice on marrying a Colombiana What if I get married in Panama. What does she get if we divorce.

Thanks

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utopiacowboy says on Oct 3, 2006, 21:00:

I would bet dollars to donuts that everyone posting here about how they put their kids Number 1 spend less time, money and energy on their kids than we do with ours. Our house is home not only to our combined seven kids (thank God, two of them are old enough to be on their own for the most part), but various assorted hangers on who don't seem to have homes of their own. I don't know but I have no doubt that if you asked a few of those mothers whose kids are at our house morning, nooon and night, they'd say with utter conviction, "My kids are my Number One priority!". We may spend every waking moment and almost every penny we have on our children, but if you were to ask either one of us, we'd say that our relationship with each other is the bedrock of the entire enterprise. What came first was our love for each other and we never forget that.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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goin_south says on Oct 3, 2006, 22:21:

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Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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goin_south says on Oct 5, 2006, 00:01:

shawwnnnn It sounds from that short comment, that likely you should back out of what ever it is already. You are looking to guard or protect yourself, rather than build a fortress-strong marriage or relationship.

That's two good posts from two people with similar strengths yet totally different desires, Strobers and Utopia.

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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lpdiver says on Oct 6, 2006, 10:15:

Priorites I place myself first. If I am not happy then I cannot provide a happy atmosphere for anyone else.

In a normal lifespan the majority of it is spent as an adult. Childhood years should be a path towards becoming a normal well behaved adult. I don't believe it is my job to be my childs friend, supply them with all their desires, or overly protect them from the real world.

My wife is second after myself and my children third. Sometime circumstance dictates that this priority need to be temporarily restructured.

My philosophy

t

"cook some rice!"

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miamimike says on Oct 6, 2006, 11:28:

Strobers, a Good Post on Not having Kids and Why,,, I don't have any for almost exactly the reasons you stated. Its difficult Today here in the USA. Having Children is Not for everyone. I look at the Juvenile delinquency statistics and the Rise in the stats and you can see many parents should not have Kids as they have failed and the Kids are in the street, skipping school, woefully un-prepared to enter the working world, Tech School or the University. My sister and her husband chose not have children as have many of my close friends in my Hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania. They (sis and husband) enjoy life and feel they are missing nothing not having Kids. They travel wherever, whenever without a second thought as to "What about the kids". People without children find Great Joy equally in other things like Travel, Volunteer work ect. To those Responsable Adults who have children and invest the time in them, my Hat is off to them as its a huge responsability today and I am sure they find a lot of Joy in them. Not for everyone though,,,, Nowdays when someone asks me if I have Kids and I tell them NO(btw, "no" is sufficient for an answer, one doesn't need to justify the "why") and they ask "WHY", I don't even respond anymore and simply change the subject of Conversation as THAT is none of their Business, no more is my asking them how much they earn or how much money do they have in the Bank, how often they have Sex ect..Some things are personal but others fail to understand that concept of life,,,

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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lockheed says on Oct 6, 2006, 12:43:

Do the right thing Dude there is nothing that can take away the pain you have,
It's WAR now, she and her (lover, lover to be, advisers, or all of these) are going in for the kill, and they don't forgive. Don't feel sorry for her or those two sidewinders that will turn against you that you got in this package deal, I have seen guys go soft and not wage all out war because they feel sorry for this inocent poor defencless crying latina.
And let me tell you something you know what makes a Colombiana homesick beyond control, it,s not mama, not papa, not hermanitos, it's PAPACITO lindo que yo quiero i amo, that she left behind in Colombia, got to do your thing slice her of send her back to her worthless CHULO in Colombia, and lick your wounds and and take your loses. Good Luck my Friend.

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