I am now lost

Lisa Zee says on Jan 12, 2007, 17:07:

You will get plenty of advise here I can't say much,other than I am so sorry, I think you left her alone too much, and you know we Colombians need people, but there is no excuse for her behavior, you sound like a very nice guy. I guess the PBH people are right!. I do no understand why you guys go to Colombia and bring a woman (poor?)with a child, That to me is a bad start. Things will work out for you at the end. Do not cry for a woman, there are so many NICE, DECENT mujeres wanting for a real nice man!. Good luck

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 12, 2007, 17:36:

Lisa, thank you Most of the time away is due to military obligations... After a LOT of thinking (before original post), I thought it may be for the best. I suppose someday, when I'm old and good for nothing else, maybe then I can find someone.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 12, 2007, 17:38:

vicshere Just trying to think of how, without being out a lot of $$ during and after the whole process.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Atrevido says on Jan 12, 2007, 17:47:

Hang on a moment. The always vociferous ex-pat Gator should pipe up soon with his "oficial information" which is some times correct.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 12, 2007, 18:49:

Yes Lisa, Thank you for illustrating so clearly the Colombiana mindset: they're just not responsible for their own actions! Leave them alone... and they'll just have to screw somebody else. Sorry!

Actually, scratch that: I don't believe that is a "Colombiana" mindset. That's just some self centered, adolescent bullshit you'll find in all cultures. Some gringa's are just as selfish.

(This, gentlemen, is why our mothers taught us that character - not just looks - actually matters when selecting a mate.)

Dan: this comes from an ex-division officer. You need to get savvy. Can she afford a lawyer? I didn't think so. Does she understand US law? Doubtful. How's her English? Right.

Hire a cheap private dick. This should cost you a grand. Get some photos of her with whatever dude she's currently boinking. Document the fact that she doesn't live with you. Put the whole argument together - photos and all - and have it translated to Spanish so that SHE can understand it. This is important: THIS IS FOR HER. You want to convince HER that you've got an airtight case. That shouldn't be too hard: deep down, she knows she's a worthless ho-bag.

Push for a no fault divorce, and make it happen fast. Don't give her time to strategize with her loser girlfriends.

Don't go soft on me. I know you had that all-sappy, in love feeling. We've all been there. Forget it. It wasn't requited. It was NEVER requited. You were visa bait. Consider the time frames involved: three months? She hardly had TIME to get lonely.

She's the enemy, and she's already done more damage to you than you can EVER do to her. You'll now be a divorcee, dude, and you didn't deserve that. You don't even owe her a plane ticket. Don't forget that when she starts peuling for - what? - a third, fourth chance?

Nothing pained me more than seeing my men get screwed over on deployment. Be smarter than most of them were: get it over with. The pain won't stop until you do. She is NOT going to suddenly become a decent wife.

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Mr. Hollywood says on Jan 12, 2007, 19:08:

You "think" it's headed for divorce? Man, I'm sorry, but it sounds like she already left you. She used you. You will hopefully get a divorce as quickly as possible to limit future damage and chalk this one up to lessons learned. And while you're at it, call the INS and report her once you're no longer married.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

arthur brode says on Jan 12, 2007, 21:13:

Another Gringo Pendejo gets taken to the Cleaners Hey Dan(the other Dan)Are you reading this??
Hey Poco,the ceiling came out great.

http://www.calirentals.net/

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on Jan 12, 2007, 21:18:

Kick her ass HARD to the curb and keep kicking it HARD. Report her to the USCIS and get the evidence that Wastelandlive describes above. I would make it my mission to see that she is deported back to Colombia. You've been used, dude, now make her pay.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

billyb says on Jan 12, 2007, 21:34:

Yeah Poco, nice ceiling... If Arthur finds me something, might have to hire you as my general.


BillyB

0 funny, 0 helpful.

arthur brode says on Jan 12, 2007, 21:48:

billy You are having second thoughts about moving to Barrio San Antonio...jeje

http://www.calirentals.net/

0 funny, 0 helpful.

billyb says on Jan 12, 2007, 21:57:

No, actually the more I think about it the more i like.. the idea. It would have to be used as a rental for a couple of years though. I do foresee a need for some of Poco's talents;)

BillyB

0 funny, 0 helpful.

arthur brode says on Jan 12, 2007, 22:01:

jaja Damn!Thats all i have left is a couple years!

http://www.calirentals.net/

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on Jan 12, 2007, 22:35:

Hope you Are not sending her any money; if you are thats the first thing to stop(1st mistake many Americans make also-sending da loot)! I also hope you weren't sending her any money when you were in the States and she was still in Colombia! What part of Miami did she move to? If she isn't here yet, she soon will be, trust me on that! Don't wait until the Divorce to notify INS(now ICE) send them a Registered Return Receipt letter notifying them she no longer lives with you and that you are filing for divorce)so they are aware of it and you have the proof of that! File for No fault divorce-here in Florida you needn't a reason! When the Divorce is final, again, send INS(now ICE) a copy of the Divorce! If she doen't answer your Attorney's letter in a matter of days, he will advertise in weekly or daily paper that you have filed for Divorce and when she doesn't answer, the Divorce is granted in absentee. Its done every day this way in Florida! Unload her like a Hot Potato! I divorced my Wife 14 years, she was from Mexico; I was determined she was not going to get Residence from me-the marriage lasted less then 2 years, I told my Senator, Congressman, anyone with any influence that I thought would listen. AFter the Divorce, INS knocked on my ex's door and informed her she had to leave that she if she did not, she would be taken to the Krome Detention here in Miami and face deportation.Not wanting to be shamed and the thought of wearing an Orange detainee uniform, she voluntarily deported herself back to Mexico. I hope you have the same luck! Strike hard, fast and often with no remorse after what she did to you!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

goin_south says on Jan 13, 2007, 00:49:

I agree with the others here, Dan. Don't let that Colombiana Walk on you anymore. Time to play hardball.

Damn. Now, Kat1 is back. but, no one has asked, so I will: WHERE IS COLOMBICHE ???

Es el año, 2007: El año del gringo

What does it mean,... for someone to be: "Colombian...Enough" ... or, 'not colombian enough'?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

famsearch says on Jan 13, 2007, 01:50:

hey art (the one and only) we're doing just fine here, so art, you can alcance hacia abajo, asga los hombros firmemente, y empuje la cabeza arriba su asno un poco más lejos. have a nice day! =)
dan

dan

0 funny, 0 helpful.

southern151 says on Jan 13, 2007, 04:38:

Do it now... I was not married but I was in a situation where I knew that I could not make it work and I stayed. The more time that went by, I grew to be more miserable. Before all was said and done, I was in therapy and on anti-depressants. She never felt any different. She was still out having fun and sleeping with whoever she wanted. It will not get any better. Send her on her way and start doing whatever you can to move on. Find a hobby, work more or lean on your friends.

She can't change. That is the bottom line. As others have said, she is taking you for a ride. The most unfortunate part is that she used her kid to get to you. You cannot let that derail you. She will always find somebody to take care of her and the kid so don't worry about that.

Good luck my friend.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

AnaZaple says on Jan 13, 2007, 05:14:

You poor thing! I'm really sorry about what's happen to you. Obviously all she wanted was her visa. Take the advice of Wastelandlive and Miamimike and do it now. You need to gather all the evidence you can and move fast.
At the moment you are feeling like s**t but it will get better once is all over; she doesn't care for you, why should you care for her? You had only good intentions and she took advantage, now she's got to pay...
I know you feel sorry for her kid... but you can't allow her to use her child to get what she wants.
Be strong and good luck!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 13, 2007, 05:32:

Good advice Thanks to everyone. I've been looking through the phone book at lawyers but there are so many to choose from. I do have a certain photo that she tried hiding from me but I was able to get it before it was deleted. as far as miamimike said, I was looking up ICE, but not sure which office to try calling, but, I'm still looking. I at least sent an email to a lawyer locally with some of the same info I originally posted to see how I could proceed and if there is anything I can do even though we're not separated for more than a year (although it feels longer). Unfortunatly, I have classes I have to do for work and can't get out of them and right after all that, I have a free ride to Afghanistan. I guess this is a bad timing right now, but If i can get this done soon, it'll be worth it.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Ctg Bound says on Jan 13, 2007, 07:00:

Dan I would seriously consider doing EVERYTHING that Wastelandlive, UC & miamimike say, give it to her hard, before your taken for more money.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on Jan 13, 2007, 07:37:

you got married, and she cheat on you while you are away, the red flags were waving there dear, why did you go ahead, you should have dumped her there and then. the leopard never change its spots.

lets this be a warning sings to others!!
if she can behave when you are away, then get rid off of her!

engage brain before opening mouth

0 funny, 0 helpful.

arthur brode says on Jan 13, 2007, 08:20:

Dan Iam glad that you are both doing fine.I dont wish anyone grief.Not even the Colombiana in question.

http://www.calirentals.net/

0 funny, 0 helpful.

robi666 says on Jan 13, 2007, 08:33:

So true DG, I cannot understand how can a gringo live there and have his "prometida" here in Colombia, see her once each 3 months and send her money. I am not saying that it cannot work, but big chances are that she cheats. But things like this continue to happen and Dan is in very good company.
Listen guys, Colombianas have got good qualities, but they are used to a "machista" way. You have to show more "balls". You cannot treat them the same way you do with gringas... that's it.

what we do in life... echoes in eternity.

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Lostgringo says on Jan 13, 2007, 11:19:

The Way I See It First of all Dan I feel bad that you are in the situation you are in right now. I think we have all been there. Yes even Don Gringo! I have seen it many times here in Colombia (not a long timer here), that Gringos look for women they could never get in their homeland. They are overpowered by women (10's) and go gaga over them. I agree with Don Gringo, once you let these blood suckers get the upper hand you are in a losing situation. It is "all" downhill from there. On the other hand, if you find a woman who is not the proverbial "10", who has strong family ties and values, and perhaps a good job and education, you may have found the real McCoy. I think it is important for a woman wherever she is from to contribute the marriage or relationship not just with sex and good looks. She has to give something of herself. The same goes with the man. She lost all credibility when she ran around with two other men (who knows how many?) and actually slept with one?

You sound like a good man. Don't think for one minute that there are not allot of good and decent women here who would love to meet you and truly fall in love. You have a bad taste in your mouth, but when you get over this piece of trash come back to Colombia and look for a "good" women. Don't look for all the "flash." Look for someone who will not intimidate you and someone you can trust. Not one of these Maraposas as Don Gringo has mentioned (usually 10's). It is much better to have control over the situation than having a beautiful woman dictate to you and do what she wants like sleep with other men in your absence. Don't think for one moment she is NOT sleeping with other men over at her "girlfriends."

I am an old man here in Colombia and I see so many beautiful women everyday. But I try to look further than just looks when it comes to a relationship. For me, a women who is trustworthy and a woman who is not afraid to give something of herself to the relationship is more important than the plastic beauty other Gringos seek out here. I agree with all the posters here and I think they have given you really good advice and they all have identified with the trouble you are experiencing right now. Again, don't throw the baby out with the bath water Dan. I live in the heart of a small community here close to a big city...actually a suburb of it. I know a good, pretty and young woman here who goes to university, and wants to meet a good Gringo. In my eyes she is a "10." The kind of women you are proud to be with. The kind of woman that will make a good mother and wife. A woman who is not "exotic" with huge breasts but the picture of "real" beauty. Hey and she speaks perfect English. You won't meet this kind of woman in a bar or through a dating agency. This is the kind of woman Dan you really need for yourself. If you are by this way I will introduce you.

One last thing, don't let this woman take advantage of you anymore. I see women on the streets begging for money and using their kids to get your sympathy. I my opinion she is no better. Get this sad excuse for a human being out of your life. You don't deserve it!

welovebogota.com

Your Home Away from Home:http://www.welovebogota.com http://www.apartmentinbogota.com "Luxury apartment and rooms Cheap" Only 2 blocks from the American Embassy!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on Jan 13, 2007, 11:35:

GD are you a reborn virgin in Colombia? ;p

engage brain before opening mouth

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) says on Jan 13, 2007, 11:42:

easy there are many reborn virgins there jejej.

engage brain before opening mouth

0 funny, 0 helpful.

englishsettler says on Jan 13, 2007, 13:14:

just send her into to touch ! there is no better feeling !

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 13, 2007, 13:30:

Thanks everyone I guess everything that happened, I was just blinded. Now, I am realizing how stupid I was to think that this could work and I am glad everyone commented the way they did. All the talk about our own family and to be together all the time (before marriage) was just a big LIE. All I can do is use this experience to try and help me to be careful (if there is) next time. I would love to have kids some day and live in Colombia when I retire, but it won't be with her. All I can do is try correcting this mistake and then I'll be able to move on, which way? I don't know but I'll have a clearer mind to move forward. We'll see, first, how this part goes.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Cerealkiller says on Jan 13, 2007, 15:19:

Dan, from reading your post, which is obviously your side of the story I can gather she was left alone for too long. Someone said on an earlier post that women need attention as if it was your fault. There is nothing that can justify her dating and sleeping with other men while married to someone else, if anything distance makes the heart grow fonder. Colombia is full of wonderful people and it just makes me very sad to read some of the posts here. This woman is doing you a favour by leaving you, what she did is low and unforgivable and if i were you I would call homeland security and have her deported or something... It seems to me like you made a mistake by marrying her so all i have to say is good luck on your divorce, get yourself a good lawyer and make it clear that she has cheated, dated other men and abandoned you once she got to the US, that should help out...

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 13, 2007, 16:00:

DonGringo I know what you mean by the "player" gringos. That kind of sums up most of the guys I travel with when I go to Colombia. They always go out with the girls that are a little easy and they see them throwing money around just because it goes farther down there. Sad thing is, many of those guys are already married and the type of girls they hang out with know that too, AND they don't even care.

Also DG, I don't know about beer but I'll go for some good Ron Viejo de Caldas haha. My stockpile I had here is gone, so it's time for another trip to Colombia. Take care.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

poco says on Jan 13, 2007, 16:24:

The cost of leche in Colombia ! I would love to have kids some day and live in Colombia when I retire, but it won't be with her.

I hadn't thought of this before BUT,, maybe because you were married you can still get a Colombian Cedula / Passport ??

Look at the bright side,, if you get these Colombian documents you will NOT need to purchase the Cow.



PS: That part about the kids,, I'd wait till you get ready to move to Colombia and find a woman with kids whose husband is dead. Trust me on this,, women over 30 with kids are OVER THE HILL as far as finding husbands / lovers (unless they are rich),, and,,, there are a LOT of women with dead husbands.

PS: Make sure you find out how they died.

"Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Portena says on Jan 13, 2007, 16:30:

Sad situation Think you would be able to postpone your deployment to Afghanistan so that you would have time to take care of all the details of the pending divorce? It seems this would be extremely distracting and taxing to try to resolve all this from overseas - particularly when you need to be focused and have your mind together enough to deal with the stress of combat. Perhaps your senator could help??
At any rate it sounds like you deserve a lot better in the relationship department than what's going on in your life right now.

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 13, 2007, 16:40:

poco PS: Make sure you find out how they died.
Good Idea.

I don't remember the requirements for a Cedula, I was looking into a long time ago because I was also looking into buy a property of some type too (and then there's the VISA?). Plus, I read that getting a divorce in the US, would still have to be registered (I don't know how) in Colombia.
Portena, I thought about my trip to Afghanistan, but I don't think I'll be able to keep from going. My unit is supposed to go in the middle of March and since I'm in a class that I need, I will end up following them there afterwards. The class is in TX, and I'm going to be working from there first to try doing what I can before I go.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 13, 2007, 19:41:

Dan, Have you shared this with your LT or CAPT? Told him that getting this resolved would really help you focus on the mission in Afghanistan?

That's what junior officers are for. If he doesn't get you hooked up with lawyers and INS in a jiffy, he's being negligent.

You may be reluctant to go to your boss with personal affairs: don't be. Just be sincere in your attempts to find a solution. Let your officer help and exercise a little leadership, as he is supposed to, and you not only will be helped out of this mess (he's likely seen it before; I saw it every deployment), but you might be surprised to learn that your professional relationship is actually strengthened, not diminished.

It's good to have people in your debt. Sometimes it's even good to be in somebody else's debt.

It all depends on who.

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

vicshere says on Jan 13, 2007, 19:49:

good advice waste as he does seam to be a bit green in these matters



listo
"con mucho gusto"
Vic

listo

0 funny, 0 helpful.

coffee beaner says on Jan 13, 2007, 20:26:

Actually I say don't divorce her yet... I was in the military myself and deployed to Iraq 2 times, although I was not married many of my friends were... as an E-4 I made $19,000 in 7 months as a single marine, my friends in the other hand made about $32,000 - $34,000 in 7 months just for being married. My personal opinion is milk what you can while you have the chance and then when you come back divorce her ass!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

billyb says on Jan 13, 2007, 20:41:

WasteL, that's good advice..... the services do like to take care of their own. Coffee, also good insight.

BillyB

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on Jan 14, 2007, 01:40:

Another thing you shouldn't overlook whether you divorce her now or later is to talk to your Financial officer and MAKE sure her name is NOT on you SGLI(serviceman's group life insurance)and that you change the beneficary to someone else(mom, dad or sibling)If by bad luck you were to die in action and either her name or no one's name was on the Life insurance, she probably would come in as the person to claim the Insurance check. Hard to talk about something like this but its life and I'm sure you don't want her to wind up with another dime. Same for any TSP Investment Fund you have with the Military(the federal government's version of the 401K plan) I had actually overlooked this when I divorced my Wife 14 years ago and had I died in the interim, my Ex could have came in and put a claim in on the Investment which was quite sizeable at the time. Luckily fate was with me and I lived to change the Benificiary so my Ex-wife is completely locked out in the future. I could never agree with why the Military service pays a married person more then a single when I was in the service and still can't agree with that concept; they should pay the same and then if the married guy decides he wants to spend it on a wife and child so be it but don't discriminate by paying the single Soldier/sailor less for the same responsibility. If it was me, more pay or not, I would cut this Wench loose now and be rid of the headache. The longer you are Legally with her, the Potential for more problems exist and this could cost you MUCH more in the long run. Cut her loose!!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 14, 2007, 03:48:

Good points I thought about that too. That extra pay included is the "Family Separation Pay", and there's a small increase in housing. That's pretty much it. Everything else for the most part is the same between single/married at each rank. One thing I was looking at is, She came to the States in the middle of March. I may not be able to do it since she hasn't been here even a year and that may be one of the deciding factors on whether it can be done or not in the eyes of the lawyers. If anything, I can still go find a lawyer and start getting things documented so that when I return I can complete the process.
On the other hand, like you said miamimike, "...be rid of the headache." I am thinking of this too, that way, when I return, I can just go back to what I was doing before and during the trip itself, I can be worry free and just to my job without being worried about what's going on here. Like it was mentioned before, it's better to have a clearer mind and less stress when it comes to going to war.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

southern151 says on Jan 14, 2007, 04:19:

Dan... I have seen your attitude swing a good bit from your first post. I think that you are starting to see light that you did not see two days ago. I am proud to see that! Keep that momentum going and, I agree, talk to you CO. I believe he could be of great assistance to you if, for nothing more, more moral support.

We, as decent people, have to stand together. I don't think that you could have found a better place to find the type of people that you needed.

Again, good luck and thank you so much for serving our country. Whether is said to you by others or not, we all appreciate it.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 14, 2007, 04:29:

Southern I guess in a way I knew what I needed to do but having others throw it back at me helps support what I've been thinking, kind of like a good kick in the backside. I guess getting it out there is good.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Cerealkiller says on Jan 14, 2007, 05:15:

Id change the locks in my house...

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 14, 2007, 08:19:

dan: things will get better and easier. just be patient and do a few things to help this along. if you're sure you want to divorce contact her directly and let her know. be civil and cordial and if you can afford to do so offer to help her out for a few months. no need to make a mission of her deportation. do nothing but what you're legally obligated to do in this regard. if you're not legally obligated to do anything just let it go. don't be consumed with hatred and vengeance. find a good lawyer to help you sort out the legal issues. this should be a very uncomplicated divorce due to time married, etc. tell the lawyer you want things done with decency and fairness. you'll be much better off in the long run by taking a noble approach. don't hire a lawyer who won't proceed with a "nice guy" approach.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on Jan 14, 2007, 08:47:

Nice guys finish last. Make her life a living hell.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Lostgringo says on Jan 14, 2007, 09:54:

Nice Guys Finish Last Dan don't continue to be the nice guy you have always been with her. She will continue to take advantage of you anyway she can. Utopia in my opinion is right on the money here. The advice regarding seeing the officer in the military is very good. I think before I would pay for a lawyer I would seek advice from this individual first. Let him/her guide you in terms of what you must do. As mentioned previously this officer, in all likelihood, has experience in this area. He/she will be more than happy to help. Also, it is their obligation and duty to help you so that you have a clear head when you are deployed. You have had allot of support here Dan and I agree with the previous that you are coming around to see thinks with a clearer head. I wish you much luck with this and a safe return home from your mission.


welovebogota.comLuxury Apartment and rooms at reasonable prices

Your Home Away from Home:http://www.welovebogota.com http://www.apartmentinbogota.com "Luxury apartment and rooms Cheap" Only 2 blocks from the American Embassy!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on Jan 14, 2007, 10:45:

Yep-in this case Forget the "Nice Guy" approach because she has forgotten the nice Lady approach in what she has already done to you. You do realize as long as you are married to her you are financially Liable for her here in the USA; you have signed in the past an Affadavit of Support(5 years for her) and I believe 10 years for a minor child when you brought her here.. The sooner you divorce the sooner you will be rid of more potential headaches.BTW, do not notify Immigration only by phone, send a Registered Return receipt Letter so you have physical evidence with someone's signature that you informed Immigration of your divorce proceedings. Having worked at the Federal Krome Detention Center in south Miami for the better part of the 90s, I can tell from personal work experience, this Method of notifying Immigration is invaluable when holding someone in the Goverment accountable, especially in Immigration.

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

jay1234 says on Jan 14, 2007, 12:18:

Go to legal assistance Dan, every major post has a legal assistance office. Usually located with the Staff Judge Advocate's office. While not able to represent you in the divorce action, the lawyers there can help explain all the ramifications of divorcing and make sure you do everything correct as far as changing beneficiaries, etc. Also most offices maintain a list of private attorneys for referrals if you still need help finding one. If you are in San Antonio, I can send you directions on where to go. Good luck.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 14, 2007, 13:47:

mm says "You do realize as long as you are married to her you are financially Liable for her here in the USA; you have signed in the past an Affadavit of Support(5 years for her) and I believe 10 years for a minor child when you brought her here"..

well: this may be potentially more complex than originally thought. i don't know anything about an "affidavit of support" but i hope you(dan) do and thoroughly understand its implications. i would find a lawyer who can explain this if you don't already know how it works. for example: does this support requirement end with the marriage or does it survive the marriage and end only when she leaves the country. these things probably would never be an issue but if they were could have significant financial impact. maybe all the more reason to protect yourself well but keep things cordial and lines of communication with her open.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 14, 2007, 14:14:

alleycat... as far as contacting her directly, the closest I can do is send an email. She has a cell phone she said belongs to a friend but won't tell me the number. She really won't tell me where she is staying but I have an idea where, just not sure of which apartment. I've tried sending email between Wed and Fri and I get no reply nor phone calls, so the line of communication is as open as far as she wants it to be. The only way I know of where she goes is from looking at the bank account and seeing where any transactions take place.
As far as contacting immigration, I found info for ICE with "Office Of Detention And Removal Operations" office or maybe a local office in my state for USCIS (which?). As far as "nice guy" or not, well, we'll see how she reacts when she sees that I'm acting on a decision and seeing it to the end as opposed to what she does, which is quit.
I was just thinking about the whole idea as to before or after my deployment and I think it would be better in the long run to try and resolve all of this before hand. First of all, it will be all documented as to what I want and why. Second, I don't want to come back and she suddenly decides she wants to be with me when she realizes that her resident card gets closer towards expiration and risks the chance of deportation anyway.
I'll do what I can whether it's long distance or not.
THIS IS IT! (just think of Twisted Sister's song "We're not going to take it")

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

southern151 says on Jan 14, 2007, 14:28:

DAN!!!!... "The only way I know of where she goes is from looking at the bank account and seeing where any transactions take place."

If that card is in your name, CANCEL IT IMMEDIATELY! Your heart is broken, don't make it your wallet too! She has already shown that she has NO care for you. What makes you think that she gives a damn if she breaks you financially? Trust me on this! Been there, done that.

Also, you need to talk to her right? You cancel that card(assuming it is in your name and I am sure it is) and, she'll come screaming! You have to get the upper hand, sometimes by ways that you don't find nice but, who the hell cares at this point? Don't do it for reasons of having a chance to speak with her. Do it to save yourself a great burden; BANKRUPTCY! If you think that the divorce will be hard...Imagine divorce and 7 years of paying 21-24% interest on everything you purchase because your credit is shot and you have no savings left.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

aztec says on Jan 14, 2007, 15:19:

Dan, even a divorce from someone you can't stand... ...is difficult. It is shocking to the system no matter the circumstances. Many of the people on this site have gone through it and they, in the main, survived quiet well. It takes years learning to live with something like that.

You must believe it is best to rid yourself of this woman as soon as possible. Love is similar to an addiction in some respects. Once you have tasted it you think you can't live without it. Deprivation makes you feel like you are going to die.

The quicker you get control of your life the easier it will become. We all make mistakes so chalk it up to experience. What bothers many of us here is that you are having to deal with this problem as you are being shipped to Afghanistan.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 14, 2007, 15:32:

i think your instinct to resolve this sooner rather than later is a good one. once things are sorted out, your morale will be better and your legal jeopardy will be lessened. you then can start over with more experience to guide you along. many relationships have twists and turns which defy logic. it's not inconceivable that at some point you could have a relationship with this woman. your feelings and her feelings are highly fluid and subject to change. for now, however, you'll be better off emotionally and financially if you divorce. then you can begin the dance again when you're ready.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on Jan 14, 2007, 15:59:

Don't try and contact her by Phone,,, In the future, do your contacting with her via Registered Return Receipt Mail! If she does not respond you will have proof. Cover your bases. Sadly this was learned from personal experience! Good idea, if you have credit cards in joint Title with you, cancel them and distance yourself from liability. My Ex's attorney told me in 1991 if he was advising my ex-wife from the getgo, he would have advised her to Max out our joint credit caRDS AND THEN LATER We could decide who would pay! The Payee of course would have been me! I cancelled them before he had the chance to tell her that!

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 14, 2007, 16:11:

Credit cards were gone a long time ago. I'm just trying to pay off the balance. The only thing is the joint bank acct. I can't contact by phone because she won't tell me the number. Every time she calls me the Caller ID shows "Private". The only thing I can do is email. and the last time I received anything was on the 10th saying she didn't want to see me (after saying for 3weeks she was going to) because she was confused (about what I don't know) and that she missed me (doubtful). I have sent 3 since, and the last one was on the 12th.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Portena says on Jan 14, 2007, 17:23:

Hang in there, Dan You've got a lot of issues to sort out, but it sounds like you're on the right track.

Be strong and good luck.

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 14, 2007, 17:59:

deleted
deleted

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Blondie says on Jan 14, 2007, 18:09:

If you signed an affidavit of support... then you are responsible for her til she is a citizen, leaves, or has payed taxes for ten years. I am divorced.. .my ex is remarried.. but i am still responsible for him. The only way to get out of that is to write to immigration.. tell them everything.. make her look REALLLY bad (because they dont want people here who have no morals-that is something they look at hard when considering for citizenship) and send it registered mail..like suggested. Close the bank account immediately, and get this process started. I know in some states - like mine.. you have to wait 120 days after the day you file for separation/divorce before you can actually get divorced.. or start the process (if it is a sticky divorce-in which, it could take a VERY long time.. after the 4 mos. waiting period). So. i'd get it started like yesterday!!!! Do what you have to do to divorce her and get her deported.. we dont need another blood sucker living off of our tax dollars (which,.. if she goes on welfare.. YOU have to pay all that money back to the govt..). Good luck!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 15, 2007, 08:08:

contacting USCIS/ICE I was just wondering, for contacting USCIS, should I just contact the field office in my state or should I contact someone else. And what about ICE?
Thanks

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 15, 2007, 08:26:

That's what I was worried about. Yep. Credit Cards maxed. Joint bank account.

Dan... it's Monday. You need to go pull ALL the money out of that account TODAY and deposit it in an account in YOUR NAME ONLY, at ANOTHER financial institution.

If you have ANY other assets that she could possible access... joint accounts, an account where the bank manager knows she's your wife, line of credit, ANYTHING, you need to move it simultaneously.

Do it now, before she does it to you. Don't call her, don't threaten to do this, don't give her any warning. Do it.

Then please take my advice to talk to the first commissioned officer in your chain of command ASAP.

Is she driving a vehicle that belongs to you?

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 15, 2007, 08:36:

as far as Credit card. It was in my name and I got one with her name as an additional user... I called in Stolen and told her no more, and I never gave her a replacement... As far as the joint account, I moved it Saturday. She has no access to any other finances from me.
Car... My name, I have it. She says that the car she drives is a friends' and same with the cell that she uses (the one that I said before that she won't tell me the number).
Officers... they're gone to the other side of the country doing pre-training for the upcoming afghanistan trip. I'll be in Texas by the time any of them return. I can send an email to my first line supervisor and tell him what's going on and he can pass it on from there.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 15, 2007, 08:38:

Oh yeah... I also changed the allotment so that it stays in MY account.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 15, 2007, 09:14:

Dan... I know that you are hurting. You seem to be in a good deal of denial.

You realize that the "friend" is a guy, right? Girlfriends don't loan out their cars on a long term basis or provide another. And the reason she won't give you the number of the cellphone is because it's his, and she doesn't want YOU calling him or calling her while they are together.

(It's NOT because she needs time or space.)

Don't waste your time getting angry at him. You have no idea what lies she's told him... he's just into it for the same reason you were. I have no doubt she's physically beautiful.

Just realize that she is living in his home, driving in his car, using his cell phone... while she was married to you, and spending YOUR money.

Wrap your mind around it Dan. I don't want you backsliding when she starts crying and telling you she's confused. She probably feels guilty about it at some level, but at the end of the day she's willing to do it to you, because her wants come first. Dig that.

I'm sure Alleycat meant well.

You can listen to him... OR you could listen to a division officer who saw this play out many times. This is not a time to be "kind," "patient," or any such things. Nor, however, do you need to yell and scream: that leads to surrendering information you shouldn't.

Think Terminator. Calm. Cold. Professional. Unshakable resolve.

It looks like you've gotten started. I wish you luck on the follow through. Remember, the key is getting divorced FAST. If it costs you a little money that's OK.

I'd also take Miami Mike's advice about getting her deported to heart. It's not just about taking your vengeance (though you certainly deserve it). This IS a woman who has and will take advantage of you financially. You could get caught up in some legal bullshit if she sticks around... the best way to deal with that is to force her to go underground or get deported.

Once she's back to being a hooker in Colombia - which I'm sure is what she was, though you probably didn't know it - she won't be able to screw up your life anymore.

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

miamimike says on Jan 15, 2007, 10:23:

Dan, You need to realize that if contact Immigration(now ICE) by Phone, the conversation and contact will be lost. Send Immigration your Info by Mail, Registered, Return, Receipt so you have a person's signature attached to your info for later reference and verification.Never take someone word's in any US Immigration office,,,

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 15, 2007, 10:26:

these comments serve no useful purpose.... "Do what you have to do to divorce her and get her deported.. we dont need another blood sucker living off of our tax dollars"

"Once she's back to being a hooker in Colombia - which I'm sure is what she was, though you probably didn't know it - she won't be able to screw up your life anymore".

let's not forget that this woman is dan's wife.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Blondie says on Jan 15, 2007, 12:23:

yeah, she is his wife... the woman who used him to get to the U.S. and sleep with other men. Right... we should be a bit more respectful towards her. Im sorry Dan is going thru this, i have no doubt about how painful this all is to him, and I hope he has the strength to see it through. But lets not forget that Dan's wife has disrespected him since the day she married him!

Dan, every major city has a U.S. immigration and and nationalization office. try there first. Also... you could have your letter notarized before sending it by registered mail. I had mine notarized.. (but never ended up sending it since we have a child together).

0 funny, 0 helpful.

jay1234 says on Jan 15, 2007, 12:45:

Be careful I don't know how savvy she is, but there is also an issue of non-support. If you are collecting BAH at the "with dependents" rate, you have an obligation to support her. If she complains to your chain of command, it can turn into a hassle. That is why I would go to legal assistance. If you are at Ft. Bragg, the legal assistance office is up near Dragon Brigade HQ.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 15, 2007, 12:51:

That's pretty much the only concern I have about the whole not supporting her. She barely knows where I even work. I emailed three different lawyers to see what they would say. Tomorrow, I'm going to call them and start working on what I can do during my lunch break.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

jay1234 says on Jan 15, 2007, 14:18:

I agree with DG I don't see much to be gained by telling your chain of command at this time. You won't delay the deployment and all you do is get yourself a counseling statement telling you that you have to meet your obligations. I think you are better off keeping off your chains radar screen. Another thing to keep in mind, Army support guidelines only come into effect in the absence of a court order (which would usually incorporate the separation agreement).

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 15, 2007, 18:11:

I'm not sure what to say, Dan. I've seen GIB ("Don Gringo") speak out his ass on more than one occasion. I don't know Jay.

But I actually HOLD a commission, and I'm telling you that your junior officer is a resource, he will help you, and WILL appreciate you coming to him for help BEFORE you deploy.

This is way too big, and the time is too short, to be dorking around. And it's not just about you: you're off to Afghanistan, where people will be depending on you.

Of course, I don't know you. I assume you're a good, competent soldier, who has no other major problems. It is true that if you are a constant fuck-up, who they'd already like to fire, and you bring ONE MORE problem to your command's attention, then this will hurt you...

But I don't think that's the case. Is it? Good troopers get a mulligan... for one understandable lapse of judgement. In the end it's a bonding experience.

(We've all got peckers. I wouldn't have held it against you. Hell, I saw guys go down over nasty trailor park skank that wouldn't even interest you. I'm guessing you were banging some Cachaca good stuff that would tempt us all.)

(("BTW: alleycat can f'ng bite me. Respect a woman who is living with another man while drawing on YOUR checking account? Why, because she married you, even with deceit in her heart? Alleycat... what are you, a pansy wrapped inside a sucker????))

I have no idea what a "page seven" is. Maybe it's an Army thing.

Good luck soldier.

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Portena says on Jan 15, 2007, 19:21:

Don't Delay Hmmm... It seems to me this situation has the potential for really causing Dan some serious problems if he doesn't take action promptly before deployment. Probably best to listen to Wastelandlive (what branch are you, Wastelandlive?) because it's definitely not going to look good to your chain of command to be juggling a personal crisis (frantically trying to email your wife, the INS, the lawyer, etc.) when you're in a combat zone and your mind needs to be focused on your missions. I think it shows much more maturity, forethought, and potential for future leadership roles to go ahead and take the proverbial bull by the horns and try to get this resolved asap even if it means asking for help. It will show that you think ahead and have considered the negative impact this could have on your performance in the combat zone.

Seriously!

Portena

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

0 funny, 0 helpful.

gringolondinense says on Jan 16, 2007, 08:03:

blondie I want you back. No need to file those papers against me.

heres my latest pic, fresh from my latest modelling shoot.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 16, 2007, 11:31:

haha although i think you're far too good looking for her...probably made her insecure. lol

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Blondie says on Jan 16, 2007, 12:20:

Thanks for the compliment kisses to you to alleycat! ;)

GG- I have been missing you like crazy. You are everything i have always dreamed of- I canceled that paperwork. I have had some professional modeling pictures taken also... I hope you like them.. Come and get me cuz i am ready for you big daddy!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on Jan 16, 2007, 12:28:

hey blondie, did i ever tell you i'm crazy about blondies?

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on Jan 16, 2007, 12:38:

hey blondie, are you afraid of me?
that is always the initial reaction from women when they first see me, after they know me, they beat me up.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 16, 2007, 13:48:

Anyway I got a quick email reply from a lawyer, so I sent another to explain what's going on. Let's see how this goes

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Blondie says on Jan 16, 2007, 15:18:

Good luck Dan... i hope the lawyer can help you.

Elmo..
i havent seen your picture... if you are that goat.. you are pretty hot. I am not afraid of you yet... are you gonna let me beat you up? i like that in a man... it turns me on!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on Jan 16, 2007, 15:40:

broads beat me up all the time, soon after we always have sex and then i end up with a finger up my ass

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

elmodefoque says on Jan 16, 2007, 15:45:

what goat? you mean my burrita (maria elena jaramillo)
that picture was taken ages ago in curramba, i'm the one behind la burrita. I'll show you a current pic tomorrow.

over 5 million colombianos in USA and only 27 barranquilleros, i'm one.Curramba, el mejor vividero del mundo!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Blondie says on Jan 16, 2007, 15:51:

I cant see anything behind la burrita. Its a nice burrita though. I'll look forward to your picture tomorrow. Dont worry... my finger will be in your eye... way before it would ever be up your ass...(unless you are talking about your burrita!! lol).

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 16, 2007, 17:29:

Portena USN. Yourself? With a handle like Portena, I assumed you were an Argentine...

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Portena says on Jan 16, 2007, 17:56:

Born there. US Citizen. : ) South American connections. No hablo castellano con fluidez - yet. I thought a comment in one post about Argentines speaking Spanish with an Italian accent (even an example was offered) was hilarious. I had never noticed it until then!

So I hang around here to improve my comprehension of Spanish, learn about Colombia, and laugh at Blondie's and Elmodefoque's posts.

Anyway, Dan, I'm from a military clan (with officers and enlisted from Army, Navy, and Marines - who like to claim they are not part of the Navy at all...what is that saying - Denial is not a river in Egypt?), and work in support of DOD. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

0 funny, 0 helpful.

cali373 says on Jan 17, 2007, 09:08:

I usually are not as cruel, but that just pisses me off. I feel alot for those Colombianas who never really had opportunities but to do something like that when granted such an huge opportunity, especially with a son is highly inexusable. It is better to be poor in the U.S. than in Colombia (except if you are from New Orleans). Being that she was not upfront about her change in feelings, I would make it really difficult for her during the permanent residency interview. If it has been 3 years or less and both are not living together, it is going to be really hard for her to obtain permanent residency. Of course when she finds this out, she will come back to you and maybe you will not fall for it a second time. It should have been incredibly obvious the first time she cheated. Something similar happened to an Uncle of mine, and he still did not learn.

Smile if you are a thinker!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 17, 2007, 15:35:

interesting visit with Lawyer With the lawyer I went to today, she was pretty much telling me interesting things that would really be helpful to me.
1. Equity distribution ie. I have sole claim to the house and car because it's all in my name. where if she was to come near the house, that she would have to leave. (I'm sure my neighbors can help) AND, it may be possible for her to pay part of debt aquired (I'm not holding my breath).
2. Change the locks on the house so she can't enter the house either.
3. Close out my bank account that she has access to. (Done).
4. Daughter: I never adopted her, so I don't have any responsibility to pay child support.

So far, it's looking ok. I sent an email saying that I needed the address of where she's living at in case of emergency. (so papers can be served [hehehe].)
But, I may not be able to do an actual divorce until I return from Afghanistan.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

southern151 says on Jan 17, 2007, 15:47:

Hell Yeah!... Put the squeeze on her! If you can't do the divorce before you leave, can't you at least serve the papers? I hate to sound like an asshole but you need to get her on her heels and when there, keep pushing. I'm glad to hear that you got good news from your lawyer. That rarely happens! Go buy a lottery ticket; you are in great luck right now...Capatolize on it! LOL

0 funny, 0 helpful.

nine inch nails says on Jan 18, 2007, 07:54:

JAG Are you on active duty? Have you tryed the JAG if for anything to give you some more leads/advice? Strongly believe the military would side with you if she had committed adultery. Also if you are in the Reserves they should be able to give you some help also.

The longer you stay married to her the more she will try to hurt you financially. I've heard horror stories of guys only being married for a year to some heathen woman who then turns around and gets child support, alimony etc. DOn't know if it's true but if I was in that situation I would find and pay for a top notch family practice/divorce Atty. ASAP. The longer you wait the more it is going to cost both in legal fees and to your financial well being. Much better to pay $5K-$10K now than be indebted to this bad woman for life.

I hope it works out for you.

get down, get down. are you afraid of the boogie monster?

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 18, 2007, 08:08:

well dan it sounds like things are heading in the right direction. did you happen to show your lawyer a complete copy of that affidavit of support you signed? a friend of mine married a woman he met in spain a few years ago and signed one of these after consulting with a lawyer about it. the lawyer told him these might be unenforceable contracts but until tested in court should be taken very seriously. for example, divorce doesn't end the support requirement and your wife can actually sue you if you fail to provide the support level required by this obligation. this was the law a few years ago and maybe has changed since then but something to think about when dealing with your wife. this lawyer told my friend that he would advise anyone confronting this to be careful when working things out during the divorce. he personally said he would take a carrot/stick approach to getting the ex out of the country as fast as possible. obviously one's own moral and ethical compass will dictate a strategy.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 18, 2007, 15:10:

Good point will do too

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colombiano_81 says on Jan 18, 2007, 18:10:

hey DAn...sorry to hear your problems. We men have all been there before in one way or another. I see that you need advice for future realtionships as you stated that you would like to find somebody worthy one day and be happy. Listen...women will take advantage of NICE guys. Get that through your head. This is probably the reason all this started. Ã?'m sure you did your best to keep her while you were away all that time by calling her and doing "sweet" things for her. I'm sure this is what made her cheat on you. Eventually women get sick of "wussies". It's better to NOT treat the woman as a prize, rather see yourself and project yourself AT ALL TIMES as the prize. This is hard but it must be done for the woman to have real attraction for you. It triggers their instinctual attraction for alpha males (dominant males). I know for a fact this woman has no attraction to you whatsoever...if she ever had it its all gone now due to your letting her control your relationship. You as the MAn need to control your realtionships at all times and make the woman be after YOU. The other way around results in the woman cheating on you or leaving you. This doesnt mean that you can't do nice things for women...just DONT TURN INTO A WUSS! Nothing repels women more than being with a man that ahs turned into a wuss...

My best advice for you is to get over this situation as quickly as possible this way you can begin actually trying to get her out of your head (i know its hard) and acquire the new skills that you need to have women that actually feel that deep attraction for you that will make them do almost anything to be with you. Think of how seduced she has you...think of what she is doing that completly drives you insane (not answering emails, deciding when to contact you, etc etc). Use tricks like these to seduce your next dates (dont be as extreme ofcourse and dont take adavnatge either). But seriously i think you need to learn how to have women after you and KEEP them after you. Check this guy David Deangelo out on google. He has this AWESOME simple book (for only 20 buks!) that will truly change your life Im sure. Trust me on this one pal. Good luck man!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Desideria (Moderator) says on Jan 19, 2007, 13:08:

"Let me tell you a story of a soldier named Dan who went to fight a good fight in Viet Nam..."

I've been following this thread with a feeling of sadness; not wanting to comment and whatever I could say would probably be of no use. I'm not a guy, I have never been let down, cheated, abandoned by my spouse, never gone through a divorce, needed a lawyer or a therapist.

After reading what what the previous poster said I felt I just had to leave a little message here for the soldier named Dan.

It's absolutely false that women will always treat a nice guy like a piece of crap. There are all kind of girls, also those that can apppreciate a nice, sweet guy and love him for what he is.

Cheers,
Desi


"Soy el que siempreanda de noche en el vecindario, sé cuando ladra el perro, sé cuando canta el gallo sé cuando estan dormidos los muchachos de mi barrio..." (From the joropo "El pajarillo")

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 19, 2007, 14:12:

Thanks Desi Good to see you're still around. It's been awhile since I posted much here (almost a year, maybe). There are all kinds of women out there, but I guess I was just hanging around the wrong crowd (coworkers) and found the wrong one for me. If there are any other chances in the future, then I can at least learn from this and be more cautious.
Take care,
Dan

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colombiano_81 says on Jan 19, 2007, 14:52:

Dan dont listen to women's advices man...you ask any woman what do you wnat in man? they will all respond something like: nice, caring, sweet bla bla bla....but when you give this to women they seem to start acting weird and eventually hit the road....Women dont like wusses! remember that...even though they say they want nice guys they secretly (instinctually) all want a man that is in control of himself and her ..Do some research man!...Never give a woman any power DAN! keep the power for yourself! Dont put them so high up on a pedestal that now shes looking down at you with pity! You are the prize my man not the woman!...man's role is to be the dominant one...dont be a beta male! Youll be groveling at their feet for the rest of your life at their mercy...wouldnt it be much better that they be the ones trying to catch your attention all the time? trust me...i used to be that nice guy too! Ive never had problems getting women but keeping them was a diffrent story! I used to do all kinds of things for them ...kissing up to them, buying them gifts, allowing them to get away with things, letting them decide everything, not letting them pay for anything etc etc etc..i wasnt assuming my role as man ..now i have learned and i have so much success its amazing...man, you can be nice but in your own terms..not when she asks you to do it you go run and do it...let her know whos boss like this...and never ever accept second class behaviour from any woman..you ahve alot to learn old buddy i really wish you could see the light here...

Remember, dont be Controlling but always be in Control. And DONT listen to women advice!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Desideria (Moderator) says on Jan 19, 2007, 15:19:

rubi, you disappoint me I thought that you understood women better but obviously you're just as lost as the guy that posted before you.

What do women want? Well, it depends on the woman. We don't all want the same thing or look for exactly the same qualities in our mates. There are women that only appreciate men that are assertive, strong, dominant and then there are women who appreciate nice, considerate, sweet guys. Most of us look for something in between, not a typical "alpha" male (those are gorillas, not human) but an intelligent, considerate, honest, responsible yet stable and assertive male. But, every individual is different. To understand women you need to talk to women, to befriend women. The problem with so many men is that they only want partners but don't appreciate friendship in women.

Dan has already realized thay he's made a mistake, he's been taken advantage of and there's no need to keep pounding on it. He's taken measures to get divorced, cut all the strings to this woman who used him because he was trusting and nice. To tell him that he has to turn into an a.....e to be able to make a successful husband to some other girl is the worst possible advice he can get. He can only continue being himself, only a smarter himself than before.

Cheers,
Desi



"Soy el que siempreanda de noche en el vecindario, sé cuando ladra el perro, sé cuando canta el gallo sé cuando estan dormidos los muchachos de mi barrio..." (From the joropo "El pajarillo")

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."-President George W. Bush

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colombiano_81 says on Jan 19, 2007, 15:26:

nobody said he had to turn into an ......e desi. read the post properly. Its just so obvious that he is so far off into the left side that he needs to listen to some men advice here.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Colombiano_81 says on Jan 19, 2007, 15:35:

oh and you say im lost? with so much success i hardly think so! I Lost before when i was a "nice guy"

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 19, 2007, 15:43:

i'm glad a woman chimed in on this one........ needless to say her point of view tells far more than others. people are unique in what they find attractive. personally, i've never known a woman who wanted to be "controlled" much less rejected someone because they were too nice. it is true that women who simply want a fling may desire some guy who is controlling and manipulative but for a long term gig most people prefer nice and sympathetic. most of us aren't masochists.

"You as the MAn need to control your realtionships at all times and make the woman be after YOU. The other way around results in the woman cheating on you or leaving you". jeez isn't this tiring to always be in control? sounds like mucho energy expended for no real gain. far more important would be to develop a sense of humor. if you can make a woman laugh you're around second heading for home. these are the skills to develop. i've never known a woman who didn't appreciate a guy who can make her laugh. i'm glad David Deangelo has figured out what poets and philosophers have been ruminating over for centuries. lol

0 funny, 0 helpful.

alleycat says on Jan 19, 2007, 16:12:

just for the sake of clarification niceness or sweetness should not be confused with traits such as passivity, conflict avoidance and emotional caretaking. people often confuse these characteristics and lump them in with generic niceness.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

famsearch says on Jan 19, 2007, 17:17:

hmm.... my wife absolutely adores her kind, sweet, loveable, nice, and considerate husband. a pox on the houses of all who say women won't like the good guys... =)
dan

dan

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Wastelandlive says on Jan 19, 2007, 18:49:

Ahhhhhhh! "it is true that women who simply want a fling may desire some guy who is controlling and manipulative but for a long term gig most people prefer nice and sympathetic. most of US aren't masochists."

(Caps mine)

Well, that explains alot.

Just my two cents, Dan: I think Colombiano is taking things to an extreme. ANY kind of act - whether it's acting dominant, or acting sweet - is insincerity and insecurity in action.

But I have to give him a full vote of confidence on this: don't EVER listen to a woman's advice on what women want.

Wasteland

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Dan says on Jan 19, 2007, 19:49:

Joking around, I told my wife one that the day a man understands a woman, the world will explode. Everyone is different. For me, this experience was not a good one and I can only use this to learn what to watch out for if there ever is a next time.

God Bless America!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

Portena says on Jan 19, 2007, 19:58:

Radar The woman Dan married has probably been honing her skills at manipulation to a razor sharp edge most of her life, just looking for her chance to take advantage. I'm with Desi. Dan just needs to develop a keen sense of radar for these user types, not overhaul his personality. In my opinion any man or woman who can handle rockets, mortars, sniper fire, and IEDs is pretty damn courageous and definitely Alpha human.

I feel better! I can smile at it now, I feel better. Ohhhh, better! Gnarls Barkley

0 funny, 0 helpful.

utopiacowboy says on Jan 19, 2007, 21:23:

Women say they want a nice guy but very few of them actually want a nice guy. They want a guy who kicks ass where ever and when ever it is necessary for ass to be kicked. There are two kinds of men out there, ass lickers and ass kickers. Which one do you want to be?

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

famsearch says on Jan 19, 2007, 21:34:

uc... your post reminded me of the old story of the man who was telling a friend that all cuckholds ought to be thrown into the river. his wife then asked him how good was he at swimming. my question is, uc, which catagory do you fall into? =)
dan

dan