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How to Win Arguments

Simply follow these rules:

I know this nothing to do with Colombia but why so many of the words are so familiar with so many PBH members specially....................... uhmmmmmmm better keep quiet :)

* Drink Liquor.
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

* Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're darned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

* Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
o Let me put it this way
o In terms of
o Vis-a-vis
o Per se
o As it were
o Qua
o So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:

"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement.

* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponents says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.

OR

You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponents says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.

* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who carry weapons

By kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) on Feb 1, 2007, 15:01 in Friendly Talkzone.

Blondie says on Feb 1, 2007, 18:13:

It can turn a woman into a man to... haha.. (minus the penis and butt hair, of course) I'll elaborate after i finish this pint of vodka i have sitting next to me!!

0 funny, 0 helpful.

goin_south says on Feb 1, 2007, 18:32:

Kat,...
what are you drinking?

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

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billyb says on Feb 1, 2007, 18:54:

What she's saying is, if you can't... dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

BillyB

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southern151 says on Feb 1, 2007, 19:09:

To avoid arguement?... If in person, kiss her ass and agree that she is always right and you are always wrong. She's the smart one in the situation. They all love to hear that.

If on the phone, hang up and turn the damn thing off! She'll cool off in a couple of days!...Maybe. If not, change your number! LOL

When all else fails, move and change your number! I have had a lot of damn numbers in my short time in this world! LOL

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caligula says on Feb 1, 2007, 21:19:

In other words.. When one wishes to win ANY argument about ANY subject.. Act exactly like most of the women I encounter...red herring, smoke and mirrors.. Thanx Kat. =)

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utopiacowboy says on Feb 1, 2007, 21:36:

Similar to what they used to tell us in law school.

If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the facts are against you, argue the law. If both the law and the facts are against you, pound on the table and yell like hell.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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Blondie says on Feb 1, 2007, 21:46:

I like the idea of pounding the table and yellin like hell.. hee hee.. something about that... just works for me!!!

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goin_south says on Feb 1, 2007, 22:41:

Peru, Africa.... Lincoln,...... Hitler. THIS POST IS COMPLETELY OFF TOPIC.

Only utc's and Blondie's comments are relavant.

dos pesos mio,... pequito de nada

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Feb 2, 2007, 03:54:

exactly Billyb, if you can't beat them, confuse them :)

something the politians are so good at.

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PanosL1 says on Feb 2, 2007, 05:58:

thats funny kat i do it all the time and it works 99% of the time.. usually you end up pissing the hell off the person you are having the argument with and often you get to impress the people who are more clueless that you are in the subject cuz they think you really know what you are talking about.. i have a friend that joins me in arguments and supports my BS..this way it makes it seem more believable.. but i do not need to drink to bullshit..

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utopiacowboy says on Feb 2, 2007, 06:04:

My comments were relevant? Damm, I must have misunderstood the post.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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goin_south says on Feb 2, 2007, 21:06:

your and Blondie's comments were 'relevant' (only insofar as what I was thinking about this original post!)
This looked like a DIVERSION TACTIC; (I think Desi put her up to it.) (lol, Desi!)

dos pesos mios,... es poquito de nada

Why Not Colombia?..........Stay Tuned, for more.... utterly worthless, self-indulgent gobbets of nonsense.

0 funny, 0 helpful.

billyb says on Feb 2, 2007, 22:19:

DG, or as Cramer on Seinfeld would call it.. "the Mansier". Btw, Blondie, I like the visuals in your post.

BillyB

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