How do you deal with being apart from your Colombian/latina wife/husband/novia/novio ?

Cheers Terry says on Jun 14, 2008, 15:07:

What are your plans to eventually lose the "long distance" aspect of your relationship?

Cheers,
Terry

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CanadaMan says on Jun 14, 2008, 15:24:

We are getting married this October in Peru.. My Novia wanted and will have my 11 year old daughter right beside her and My 8 year old son will be right beside me when we get married..

My kids are very excited and can't wait till we get married..


..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Jun 14, 2008, 15:27:

Your daughter could be a bridesmaid and your son could be a page....that is if you had a church wedding.

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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CanadaMan says on Jun 14, 2008, 15:35:

I will let her arrange it and do whatever makes her happy & my kids happy....

We have too get married twice.. Once at City Hall and then in the church by a pastor of a pentacostal church..


..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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Joel y Luza says on Jun 14, 2008, 16:16:

How do we cope? Vonage! Without it, we would be dead in the water.. We talk about 2 hours, or more, each day, and talk on skype alot!! She comes here about every couple of months, and I will be going there soon!

Both of us are very anxious for this process to finish.....

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jun 14, 2008, 16:27:

i just drink a bottle of wine and everything will be rosy :)))) jejeje

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untreated says on Jun 14, 2008, 16:29:

I am a foreign resident in Colombia since the 1970's. My wife and I were together 24/7 for here for over 20 years. Since the late 1990's my wife has been resident in USA, where our (adult) Colombian born children live. We both go back and forth several times a year. We have been married more than 30 years, so we must be doing something right. I much prefer to live in Santa Marta than in the USA, and my wife spends half the year up there, helping with the babies. So in recent years we have been apart a lot. I think we learn to appreciate each other more than we when are together all the time. When I miss her too much, I just fly up there for a month. I don't like to use the telephone much, though, or internet. For you youngsters starting, I recommend having children and settling down, just have to make up your mind, USA or Colombia? I know it's not an easy decision.

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Joel y Luza says on Jun 14, 2008, 16:54:

Actually Kat, my wife and I celebrated, over Skpe, our one month aniversary, with a bottle of wine.... It was pretty damned funny! Without technology, it would be soooo hard to stay connected, I am VERY thankful for Vonage, my local tienda that sells prepaid phone cards, and Skype! Nothing like seeing a whole other country via the internet!!

PLUS!!! When my sweet wife is here, and feeling lonely for her son and family, 10 hours on the phone?? who cares! Doesn't cost a nickel more!!!

Man! our world has gotten smaller!!!

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IloveCidy says on Jun 14, 2008, 16:58:

I have little shrine in my house dedicated to my novia. I have many photos and video that plays contantly. I sray my house with the perfume she wears. We talk ever day for at least 2 hours.

I miss my novia!

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Joel y Luza says on Jun 14, 2008, 17:07:

Cidy-That obsession just may get the boys in the white coats to come a callin'! I am thinking you may need a hobby?

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la campiña says on Jun 14, 2008, 17:17:

arrange a wedding date, it gives you something concrete to work towards, I did it and am now happily married enjoying life here in cali, no more rat race London.

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 14, 2008, 17:18:

Whatever happened to good ol' phone sex?

"Shrine" ??? You have to be kidding! (I actually know you are:)

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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IloveCidy says on Jun 14, 2008, 17:21:

Phone sex is better with webcams, much better.

I miss my novia!

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Joel y Luza says on Jun 14, 2008, 17:21:

There ya go Robert!!! I laughed my A$$ off when i read shrine! Read some of Cidy's other posts and comments, and you may decide he probably isn't kidding, too much!!

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IloveCidy says on Jun 14, 2008, 17:31:

Look at my novia doesn't she look just like Jessica Alba. You would have shrine too.

I miss my novia!

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bradenmiami says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:18:

What do I do to deal with being apart from a girlfriend? Umm...find a second girlfriend that's closer?!?!?

The "lovemedellin website" is a piece of crap made by some moron who has only been to Medellin once...you'd be better off reading the Lonely Planet advice from a guy who never even came here!

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:28:

I know IloveCidy. Jessica Alba - with an overbite, crossed eyes, and pistol grip ears.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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bradenmiami says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:32:

"overbite, crossed eyes, and pistol grip ears." jaja

I didn't have the heart to respond to his post...but...well...you took care of that one, didn't you?!?!?

The "lovemedellin website" is a piece of crap made by some moron who has only been to Medellin once...you'd be better off reading the Lonely Planet advice from a guy who never even came here!

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:33:

I embellished a little with the "pistol grip ears". The other attributes are direct quotes from IloveCidy.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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IloveCidy says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:33:

You wish you had somebody that fine.

I miss my novia!

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:35:

Not really. I do ... of course I think she is even prettier, but I am obviously biased. Don't get pissed off, I am just having a little fun at your expense. If that is your girl, congrats, she is quite attractive.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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IloveCidy says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:39:

Thank you Robert. Those qualities I mentioned are only so slight

I miss my novia!

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CatGirl says on Jun 14, 2008, 18:55:

Canadaman - good for you;) Shows your are more in touch with who you are when you can get past the ego and say you care and miss your Love.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CanadaMan says on Jun 14, 2008, 19:04:

ilovecindy,

Robert J wife is quite beautiful also..

Robert.

How is married life going ? I was going to say something about water mixed with d... nah ,, I won't say anything about that.. jajajajajaja

Planning on kids yet ?

take care,

CanadaMan

..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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miamimike says on Jun 14, 2008, 19:13:

if you were here in Miami, you could forget your sorrows/lonliness by heading out to one of the nice Colombian Tabernas and downing some Chilled Longnecks and elbowing up to some pretty Colombiana,,,or Venezuelana

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." -- Feb. 28, 2008 --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

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CanadaMan says on Jun 14, 2008, 19:44:

Nah.. I am just a man who likes one woman at a time.. jajajajaja that is funny I will keep it in here.. I mean my heart , body , soul belong to my Novia.. I don't want another woman in my bed , I only want my Novia..


..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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bradenmiami says on Jun 14, 2008, 19:47:

"if you were here in Miami, you could forget your sorrows/lonliness by heading out to one of the nice Colombian Tabernas..."

I never thought I would miss Miami until you said that!

The "lovemedellin website" is a piece of crap made by some moron who has only been to Medellin once...you'd be better off reading the Lonely Planet advice from a guy who never even came here!

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gamm2 says on Jun 14, 2008, 20:01:

accept that it won't work if you're always sad and missing them all the time. Thats something that should only be given into occasionally... it also gets much easier if theres an end date in sight... (4 months for me :)) hehehe also skype and cheap phone cards for direct cell phone access...

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dwmte7 says on Jun 14, 2008, 20:31:

don't get me wrong...i have all the respect in the world for the love lorn and love sick apart. it's just that so many years have passed since i felt those emotions...it's like they're lines form a novela. no jest or ridicule intended. age just mellows one out and puts weight in things/persons/issues'/emotions that aren't terribly transient or liable to change.

even with relational flaws, age allows for differences that youth couldn't tolerate. youth is so often prone to ignite and self destruct at just the thought of something awry. age, on the contrary, tends to wait for confirmation of an issue before deliberating over possible reactions. and even then, after deliberation, conclusions--tempered by age--tend to be far more maleable than those arrived at in youth.

i heartfully wish all you younger bretheren the patience and compassion to be gentle and kind with those you love and care for.

if you are for peace, peace be with you

if you are for war, i have been so, too. (t.vaughn, england; long, long ago

dwmte

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Terry2 says on Jun 14, 2008, 20:43:

Man... you're wearing your heart on your sleeve.... get a grip! No matter how much you love this girl... you gotta go through the hoops for a LONG time before you are able to bring your novia home. In Canada.... ( unless she is independently wealthy or is following a specific university program and is invited by a Canadian University) you have two options. You either live common-law in Colombia for a period of one year ( keeping a detailed record of course) or you go there and marry her. After this.... expect an average of 8 months wait until she receives a visa, if of course the medicals , etc prove out. ( This btw comes from a very well known immigration lawyer, Catherine Sas and a good friend who went through the same process.) You really gotta be in there for the LONG haul and the costs associated... and I mean COSTS......

Good luck dude

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CanadaMan says on Jun 14, 2008, 21:08:

Terry2,

Who are your comments about ? ilovecindy or I ?

Have a great day , eh..

..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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Terry2 says on Jun 14, 2008, 21:10:

Comments were meant for you CanadaMan..... like I said....GOOD LUCK!

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CanadaMan says on Jun 14, 2008, 21:27:

Ok thanks... I guess you did not read the rest of the thread.. I am getting married in 3 months in Peru with my Novia , so the end is in site.. Yes it is a long road but it will be worth it..

I have already applied to be sponsor and been approved.. I saved a month there..

Yes , I do wear my heart on my sleeves.. I added you as a friend.. All the best.

Have a good one,

CanadaMan

..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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bradk says on Jun 14, 2008, 23:22:

what is the process if you are an american how long until she receives the visa here if you marry there first

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Joel y Luza says on Jun 14, 2008, 23:24:

about 370 days currently, from the date of filing..

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Robert Jorge says on Jun 15, 2008, 07:29:

at BradK: Joel y Luza is giving you the Visajourney.com answer. I am not saying this is innaccurate - but it could be much quicker than that. 370 days is the reported 'average' time from initial filing. Unless something has changed, if you do everything correct at every step of the process, it should take about 200 to 250 days. The process has been described a BUNCH here over the past years. Just Google search it above.

at Canadaman: Things are going well. We are at 16 months since she got to the US. The biggest challenge is the Mrs. feels like she should be progressing faster. I have to remind her every now and then that in less than a year and a half, she: Has gotten married, got permanent residency, got a social security card, got a state ID, got a learner's permit to drive, has gotten 3 jobs - two of which she is currently still employed with, made several friends, taken an accredited English course at a local university, speaks and understands much more English (before none), etc. I finally got her insured, effective today actually. No plans on children yet. But on the other hand, we are not planning not to have kids either. If it happens, it happens.

BEWARE of gold diggers.

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robi666 says on Jun 15, 2008, 08:34:

What everybody in Colombia say about it:
"Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos".

"I am a citizen of the most beautiful nation on earth. A nation whose laws are harsh yet simple, a nation that never cheats, which is immense and without borders, where life is lived in the present."

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rocinante says on Jun 15, 2008, 09:14:

Yeah but she's in Peru.

Canada Man did you propose yet?

"World economic indicators point to a democrat winning 2008. It will surely be Obama. Peso 1400 by November" Feb 5, 2008

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jun 15, 2008, 09:49:

Amor de lejos, Felices los cuatro jejej

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dwmte7 says on Jun 15, 2008, 09:53:

i've said it before but i'll say it again. i feel sorry for you folks who go through such periods of waiting and often, 'hell', getting your papers, etc. when the misses and i dealt with this some 19-20 yrs ago, it was a walk in the park....15 minutes at the window--both of us--gente pleasant, and done deal. pick up the papers 2 maybe three days later and good to go.

well, keep the spirit...remember, marriage if for 'while you breathe'....all the best to all of you and your new spouses. may life and marriage bring you all that is possible.

dwmte

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jorgegdiaz says on Jun 15, 2008, 09:57:

ojos que no ven ...corazon que no siente...

o

porrazo seguro... jajaja

"To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so."Robert Orben

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jun 15, 2008, 10:01:

o Ojos que no ven.......................a lo mejor es ciego jejeje

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jorgegdiaz says on Jun 15, 2008, 10:26:

... indio comido ... indio marik...

"To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so."Robert Orben

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CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 10:36:

roci,

Yes I proposed on Sunday March 9/08 at around 3.30 pm in Chiclayo , Peru after asking her Father and Mother for permission first to ask her.. Wow that was a great day.. Getting married in October in Peru.. She is 32 and I am 46 yrs old..

hmmmmmmmmm roci... Maybe we need to start one of those old time PBH age difference threads.. jajajajajajajaajjajajajaa

Desi will comment in 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ..........jajajjajaja... just pulling your chain Desi..


..


..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 10:43:

Cman - You sound like a good solid guy, good luck.

All this webcam stuff, jeje. Maybe it's OK for short term....guess I can see why it could be used, that is "if" there is an end in sight - but real interaction and real people is the way to go in my opinion. Long distances relationships are very difficult, to each his own ;))

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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sloopskipper says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:05:

Yes Cat, and I think some of the adolescent obsessions regarding physical beauty and such secondary things, that I read about here, will (hopefully not) lead to disappointment.

The Pennsylvania Dutch (German descent, not Holland) have a saying, “Kissin Wears Out, Cookin' Don't ", but that is not of such great importance either.

I hope for these guys they will discover the real beauty under the skin. And you will probably not really find that on the telephone, or in e-mail, from thousands of miles away.

But, I wish them all the best.

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Joel y Luza says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:08:

With that, Cat, I have a fond appreciation of the skyrocketing prices of airfare right now!!

I bring my wife here every couple of months so she can see where she will live, get her used to being around my crazy family...No matter how much love there is, the culture shock is real.. On her first trip here, we drove, on a trip, the equivalent of the length of Colombia, in a couple of days; just being a couple of tourists, (and getting married along the way).

If you can Canadaman, you should try to bring her to Canada and hang for a few weeks. She will GREATLY appreciate it!!

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CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:12:

sloop,

I am with you on this.. Any guy that does not look for a great woman that is sincere , sweet and has a big heart is in for a boatload a trouble.. I had started corresponding with my Novia over 3.5 years ago and we have written to each other over 6000 pages she estimates on MSN and Email during that time.. Heck , she kicked me to the curb romantically for over 2 years because she felt I needed to heal from my grief first.. She was right..We were just good friends for a long time..

..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:18:

Sex and Making love is fantastic guys but you better have a lot more then that going in a relationship... My heart and brain need to stimulated also...


..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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Desideria (Moderator) says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:18:

"Lika barn leka best"

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"(First Witch in Macbeth)

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kat1 (Moderator) says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:21:

CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:18: flag

Sex and Making love is fantastic guys but you better have a lot more then that going in a relationship... My heart and brain need to stimulated also...

Shopping? yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:22:

Well, I am happy it worked out for you two CanadaMan, everything happens for a reason. If you ever get the chance I highly recommend the book "The Two Step" the dance towards intimacy - Eileen McCann. It is a very easy read - takes all but 10 minutes - mostly illustrations. It makes an interesting touch on long distance relationships. How important it is to realize that a certain "schema" is created and once the two are finally together, if you don;t approach it as totally new and expect the same as it was....you are going to have a BIG wake up call. Also - some folks only really can have long distance relationships and they deceive themselves.

The author places a note in the back: The hope for our dance lies in our willingness to be honest about our needs and fears - to trust and risk.

Good Book - I bought it when I took Marriage and Family Counselling - I think all couple should read it together ;))

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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sloopskipper says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:22:

Well Canada, at least you passed the minimum one year grieving/healing period that the "so called" experts recommend.

I even experienced culture shock after marrying my Hollander wife, and life in The Netherlands is much closer to the U.S. than Colombia would be. She was educated, spoke better English than most Gringos, and was already established in the U.S. with a job and green card.

But, any new marriage can get off to a rocky start without extra roadblocks.

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dwmte7 says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:23:

oh boy!!! ain't love just the best? it's better than sliced bread. i mean, where or how do people get sweeter, more forgiving and more caring than when love has em by the toes?

beats the heck outta a poke in the eye with a stick. just remember that. love always works. you can take that to the bank.

dwmte

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goin_south says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:24:

one way to deal with being apart is to start thinking of the difficulties that could arise once she is there.

Where do we go from here?

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:25:

GS - You and I touched on this once didnt we?

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:28:

Douglas: oh boy!!! ain't love just the best? it's better than sliced bread. i mean, where or how do people get sweeter, more forgiving and more caring than when love has em by the toes?

jeje...cute. Yes, but the real test is what happens after the "Eros" stage. Love evolves and is not always an adrenallin rush like in the begining. Just a different kind of rush if two people are not delusional and addicted to Eros...they can make it work. You have to make it happen. If you are lazy, forget it.

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:30:

kat1,

Sure I will go shopping with her for a little while then she can leave on the bench with a good book or newspaper with the other husbands.. jajajajajaja

sloop,

My late wife will be gone 4 years this July.. I will always miss her though..

catgirl,

sounds good , I will have to check it out..

dwmte,

Yeah it does and I like sliced toasted bread also..



..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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sloopskipper says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:32:

Canada, I know what you mean, my wife has been gone for 6 years and I miss her every day.

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CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:32:

Catgirl,

I had a long distance relationship ( 1200 miles) with my late wife before we got married so it gave me a good background on that type of a relationship..


..

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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goin_south says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:36:

sloop... are ya still attached? where the hell is she... for six freakin years?
(or, you may not want to aire that out on pbh)

Where do we go from here?

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sloopskipper says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:42:

She died 24 February 2002, 10 days after out 30th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day.

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goin_south says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:55:

Lo Siento.

Where do we go from here?

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vicshere says on Jun 15, 2008, 11:59:

easy one ...pull up a sexy pic of your loved one and work the monkey to death...then sleep it off

listo

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guacharaca says on Jun 15, 2008, 12:01:

Canadaman I hope your lady lives in Peru. I suspect the wait there is less than what the residents of Colombia and Ecuador have to endure through the Canada Immigration office in Bogota. We waited 10 months for the visa after the initial filing.

Colombianos: Las armas os han dado independencia, las leyes os daran libertad. (Santander)

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goin_south says on Jun 15, 2008, 12:14:

If I remember someone else saying so, it isn't any less time in Peru, now is it?

Where do we go from here?

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dwmte7 says on Jun 15, 2008, 14:40:

ok vic...enough of them ole 'floggin the dog stories...

lo siento, sloop. keep on truckin. lost my first wife to the darkness 43 years ago..she left me with a son, my oldest, who, by the way, is my ever livin constant reminder of how well we danced.

kitty....love ain't a noun, it's a verb...it's work and daily/hourly work. if anyone thought it was the tumble in the hay, they got another real big reality check headin straight for their door. one has to dedicate their life to their love. and if you're really lovin, you're safe, cause there ain't no time to stop and think about how much you're gettin if you're busy lovin.

dwmte

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CatGirl says on Jun 15, 2008, 15:10:

Douglas - Good words...
Some people no matter how much you show them, cannot reciprocate. Some because they are damaged or self centered...and some - truth be told - unconsciously don't feel worthy. So many people in this world that dont love themselves and look for it from another person. That person can love the other till the cows come home...but it just does not work on a one way street.

OK - nuff of this stuff...getting too weird. Hey everyone's messed up in their own way if you ask me. The ones that tell you they aren't - they are the REALLY messed up ones! jejeje

Love and Time: the only two things that cannot be bought, but only spent

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CanadaMan says on Jun 15, 2008, 16:14:

She died 24 February 2002, 10 days after out 30th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day.

Sloop,

My deepest condolences and I hope you are doing better now.. My late wife died on July 15/2004 at 5.26 pm central time.. She was only 37 years old.. I am really blessed and happy to have a great new love for me and for my children..

I am looking forward towards the future..

take care,


...

Formerly WidowerfromCanada...I am engaged to a wonderful Peruviana.

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sloopskipper says on Jun 15, 2008, 17:04:

Thanx all, it is easier now.

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dwmte7 says on Jun 15, 2008, 17:20:

just between you and me, sloop and canada....even after these 43 years. not a day goes by i don't muse about and remember her.

dwmte

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sloopskipper says on Jun 15, 2008, 17:29:

I hear you, dwmte7

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