Hope this helps others in similar situations

Late last year, I wrote about the problems that I was having with my marriage, and how thought I didn't beat the odds. I didn't listen to much of the advice posted here, but I had my reasons. Maybe it was because I already had a failed marriage and I wanted this marriage to work. Maybe, I am insecure and didn't want to have to re-enter the dating scene again. Maybe, I was more in love than she was. There was many things that contributed to me sticking it out in a marriage where she was unreasonably homesick and having a lack of feelings for me. However, things have turned out better. We have done much talking and have figured that the reasons at the root for our problems came down to the following:

First, we became pregnant around September, and we discovered that harmones may be playing a role in her lack of feelings for me. She stated that she had a similar amount of feelings with father of her two boys. Harmones can be a major force in a women. One moment they can be happy, the next crying and emotionally out of control.

Second, culture shock was a factor. In Colombia, each day, when she needed something, she knew where to find what she needed, and if she didn't she knew where to go or who to see to find what she needed. Here in Orlando, it becomes a mental strain. If she needs something, she is lost. She doesn't know the area. She can't ask a stranger, because of her lack of english. She is a fish out of water.

Third, the new role of FULL TIME mother. In Colombia, my wife lives with her parents and her sisters. She does not need to raise the boys (9 and 10 yrs old) full time, her mother and her sisters, I believe, help out a great deal with this. When she moved here, she now can not deligate or recieve help from anyone. Of coarse I help, but I am guessing I am a poor substitue for her mother and sisters.

Forth, the new role of wife. Here is another point of stress for her. I am sure she learned how to be a wife from her mother and other sources, but never into practice.

Fifth, eventhough, I have learned a great deal of spanish. we find ourselves, frequently with difficulty, understanding each other. Though patience and choosing alternate ways of saying the same thing. We get our points across.

These things above, I believe, are the root to the stress in my marriage and her lack of feelings towards me.

Things currently are much better, and she will be arriving tomarrow, saturday, for the second time. She now knows what to expect here, so I am hoping that she can prepare herself mentally. Also, I believe the harmone issue is over......or at least different. Her feelings are much stronger towards me, now.

I guess I just need to wait and see. Only though patience and talking, does my marriage have a chance.

By bob777 on Apr 20, 2007, 11:01 in Politics & the war.

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Miguel_Clavo says on Apr 20, 2007, 11:52: Good luck, and you must have the patience of Job, as they say.. and its "hormone", btw, before the spellcheck police arrive...jajaja...all those things that you mentioned can be real sources of stress on a person, and even worse when combined at the same time.....in the new age of instant divorce, it is amazing what analyzing ones problems and communication can do..... Just my opinion... Miguel_Clavo =)..aka, DragonSlayer...Colombia es pasión! "F.A.R.C..S.U.C.K.S" "I would rather die living life, than to live a dying life."........ Oh, and my PM is always ON. Great Bumper Sticker: "Home of the Free, Because of the Brave" 0 funny, 0 helpful.

bob777 says on Apr 20, 2007, 12:08: Thanks Miguel I don't know if I have 'patience of a saint', because many times I felt like calling it quits, like many members here and my friends suggested, but I saw some things still there in the marriage and with the children involved, I just needed to try my best to be patient and talk through the problems. 0 funny, 0 helpful.

scotty says on Apr 20, 2007, 12:43: good luck bob, follow your heart, do what you think is best. Get Rhythm, when you got the blues. Johnny Cash 0 funny, 0 helpful.

bob777 says on Apr 20, 2007, 13:49: She is learning slowly... As we talk on the phone, we mostly talk spanish, but we mix some english into the conversation, every now and again. I do hear new words from her, so I know she is learning, but without people in Colombia to converse with, I guessing she can't practice much. Sure, I am sure if I talked more english on the phone, it may help, but I think she will learn more words and retain it better, after she is here in Orlando, where she has people, places and events to connect with those new words, and can practice more. 0 funny, 0 helpful.

kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Apr 20, 2007, 13:55: good luck bob777, it is hard but if you both truly love each other, love will conquer all 0 funny, 0 helpful.

Robert Jorge says on Apr 20, 2007, 21:31: Hey Bob. I'm newly married and live about 6 hours away from you in Destin. PM me if you want and I'll Email you my number. If you ever want to talk or compare war stories, that would be cool. Where is your wife from? Mine is from Villavo / Bogota. He who farts in church, sits in his own pew. 0 funny, 0 helpful.

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