help wanted... Advice needed

Leeroy says on Jul 17, 2007, 08:20:

Stay at your friend's house.

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gabolicious says on Jul 17, 2007, 08:23:

thanks leeroy for your advice... I guess then that there is no other option, right?

Elección no canonización....

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Leeroy says on Jul 17, 2007, 08:48:

Nope - I don't think so! Like the mother said, you'll offend them if you stay at the hotel. Plus, this idea of "giving people space" doesn't apply to close friends and family members, as you appear to be (I allude to this in my lengthy thesis "those friendly latin americans").

A while ago I spent a month in Spain sleeping on people's sofas - I developed some rules. They may seem a little over the top, but they worked for me.

1. Clean up after yourself. Everywhere. Do not leave any evidence that you exist in the house (cigarette butts in ashtrays, bed unmade, blankets still on sofa, empty cans on tables, etc...) This includes if they have a maid.
2. Buy food, beer, cigarettes and other little "presents" for your hosts regularly.
3. Don't be at home when they arrive from work - psychologically speaking, it is not nice for them to return home from work to find you sitting on the sofa watching TV. If you arrive AFTER them, it is as if a friend has just come to visit (in spite of the fact that you're technically sleeping there) - if you are there when they arrive, it is as if you have taken over their house.
4. Don't take "me da pena" to mean "really, don't do it!" - it normally means "I would like that, but would not like to admit that I would like that".
5. Offer to help with everything, cooking, shopping, etc... And don't forget #4.

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gabolicious says on Jul 17, 2007, 12:34:

Thanks Leeroy I have followed your rules before... but me da pena indeed!! hehehehehe no quiero que piensen que abuso de ellos... anyway dude i'll stay at my friend's place... and let you know how it went... thnks again

Elección no canonización....

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Cerealkiller says on Jul 17, 2007, 13:03:

Gabolicious, I say stay at your friend's house. Wouldnt you be a little offended if he came over to your city and decided not to stay at your place? I know you dont want to cause trouble and your intentions seem extremely nice. May I ask for how long are you staying?
If I were you, id bring them a little something, take them out for a meal, a night out, or just buy a nice bottle of wine and have a couple of drinks with them. I know how you feel, it is always uncomfortable to stay at someone else's place, especially if they have just gotten married...but to be honest, its better than losing a friend.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

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gabolicious says on Jul 17, 2007, 13:41:

Cerealkiller thanks dude!!! I appreciate your words as well as Leeroy's... I always bring them a bunch of stuff they like such as tequila, salsa, dulces, books (my friend's dad loves history)... and I also have invited them to have lunch, we go out at night... We have visited Compostela several times... this time I am planning to take them more... I am staying one week and a half... the thing is that I don't really want them to feel uncomfortable with my presence... you know they just got married... the thing is that my friend really gets mad when I tell him that i don't want to cause him or his wife any trouble...

Elección no canonización....

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Cerealkiller says on Jul 17, 2007, 14:39:

im a dudette

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives -John Stuart Mill

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slguy says on Jul 17, 2007, 17:42:

They "just got married", and you are not going until October? I doubt you cramp their style after that much time! ;)

Before you throw me out, make sure I pay my bar tab

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houstongal (Trustee board) says on Jul 17, 2007, 21:06:

I was going to say the same thing slguy! Geez...that's 10 months of being married...they're almost to their 1 year anniversary.

Gabo, your friend probably is looking forward to your company and to be able to spend more time and hang out with another guy in his home, like in those days before he got married. I completely concur with Leeroy's points (you sound like you'd make the perfect house guest!). To me, the best house guests also don't expect the host to keep them entertained 24/7.

Enjoy yourself!

"It is now official: there's no place on earth where you will not find a Peruvian band." David Sedaris

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 05:25:

thank you houstongal for your words... but have you heard about that the first year is "noviciato"? It is the hardest one (I have been told)... The thing is that as far as I know they quarrell almost every day!!! I have seen them arguing and believe me that is not the best place to be... when I have seen them arguing I try so hard to leave them alone but they follow me and keep on fighting!... besides his wife has told me that she is jealous bacause her husband does not pay much attention to her when I'm near but she is nice with me though. Last thing I want is to cause them any trouble, when I said that "I wanted to respect their privacy" I meant to say that even when they argue I don't have to be present... sometimes, they even pretend that I should be part of their arguing... damn it! One day we went to El Corral (I am a big fan, who wouldn't? =) and I was having this delicious hamburger and they began to fight!!!! that is not that comfortable you know? that is why I'd rather to be away from them when that happens.. the thing is that my friend feels offended when I tell him that I'll be staying at a hotel... unfortunately I don't have any other relatives in Bogota but them...
Este post parece como los consejos de la "dra corazón," cierto? hehehehehe

Sorry for that Cereal Killer!!! first happened with Colombiche now you! sorry

Elección no canonización....

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 05:32:

As a matter of fact I told him "sabes? como vas a estar trabajando... estaría bien que me fuera a un hotel y podemos quedar por la tarde para almorzar... también quiero invitar a almorzar a tus papás... me gustaría visitar algunos museos por la mañana y por la noche podemos ir a tomar una cerveza" but he said "que mamón es usted" !!!!!!!

Elección no canonización....

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LA_MONA says on Jul 18, 2007, 05:43:

Houstongal is right "Geez...that's 10 months of being married...they're almost to their 1 year anniversary.
Gabo, your friend probably is looking forward to your company and to be able to spend more time and hang out with another guy in his home, like in those days before he got married"

Gabo: the worst part when couples fight and you happen to be there is when they say something to the othe one and look at you for support (both of them) or they say "Si o no (que tal cosa)..." , just get up and leave them to it or walk away for a few minutes, they need to learn to not put you in that situation!!!

But yes you should definately stay with them but be careful this lady sounds a bit jealous, include her in everything or there'll be trouble - every couple has their little "peleitas" but constantly arguing? Not good....

Ask them to get a friend to go out with when you go out so you are in 2 couples and that way you can concentrate on talking to the other person and things will be a bit more relaxed....

Mona

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 06:15:

LA_MONA "the worst part when couples fight and you happen to be there is when they say something to the othe one and look at you for support (both of them) or they say "Si o no (que tal cosa)..." that happens A LOT! creo que todo apunta a que debo quedarme en su casa... solo que aún las peleas son parte de su privacidad, me refiero a que no me corresponde darle la razón a uno o a otro... Sí hemos salido con otros amigos, pero aún así! si ella se pelea con él y dejan de hablarse... entonces ella corre conmigo a platicar y viceversa, sabes? él es como mi hermano pero ese tipo de situaciones me incomodan mucho y hacen que me aleje un poquito de él.... Gracias! =)

Elección no canonización....

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LA_MONA says on Jul 18, 2007, 06:28:

Uy no.....esa vieja que? Con todo el respeto suena muy inmadura....

Pocas veces me he encontrado en las peleas de mis amigos pero cuando a mi me hacen eso de mirarme para yo apoyarles, aunque yo se quien tiene la razon y quien no, pongo las manos en el aire y digo "no se nada"

Pues como mejor amigo del esposo de el ella no deberia esperar a que tu estes al lado de ella y no deberia dejar de hablar con su esposo y en vez de eso hablar contigo, porque tu lealtad esta con tu amigo, si mi esposo hiciera eso conmigo de hacerme la escena, dejar de hablarme y caminar con mi amiga te digo que en la casa tendriamos palabras...pero nunca me veras pelear con mi esposo en publico - que ridiculo!

Gabo - la triste realidad es que una vez un amigo se case, siempre cambien las cosas, uds tienen su vinculo y sus recuerdos y siempre tendran su amistad, pero va cambiando, de todas maneras cuando hacen eso en el futuro trate de hacer este truco, preguntale algo a ella en que ella le tenga que preguntar al esposo, cualquier cosa como para donde vamos mañana etc, y asi ella tendra que hablarle y cambie el tema y incluya los dos en el tema para que se vayan descongelando...no se si me entiendes ...

Mona

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 07:09:

sí seguiré tu consejo, gracias de nuevo... sabes? vamos a ver como se ponen las cosas, mira parecerá cursi lo que te voy a decir Mona pero precisamente porque es como mi hermano respeto su vida y su espacio... yo sé que siempre seremos amigos y entiendo que las cosas cambian pero a veces creo que el que no lo entiende es él...

Elección no canonización....

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LA_MONA says on Jul 18, 2007, 07:15:

Como asi gabo? Como si el no quiere que cambien las cosas y quiere seguir como si no estuviera casado?

Yo se que tu quieres respetar pues por eso quierias irte a otro lado para quedarte, siendo otro no considerarias para nada a la esposa de tu amigo y creeme que hay personas asi..

Pues tal vez lo que le pasa a tu amigo es que se siente ahogado por lo que parece que la esposa es medio posesiva???

Jajaja we are dissecting their private life!!

Mona

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 07:59:

hahahahaha tienes razón Mona!!! ya le dije que está mal y que debe ir a un psicólogo jajajajajaja pero no entiende razones =) estaba pensando en llegar de sorpresa... bueno antes de que mi gran bocota hablara "por mi" jejejejejeje como ya me esperaba eso del hospedaje pensé en que podría llegar de "sorpresa" así pues ni tiempo le daría en ofrecerme su casa y por lo tanto tendría que quedarme en un hotel... pero después pensé un poco y resolví comentarselo porque
1o quien soy yo para disponer del tiempo de los demás (o sea, como así llegar y decir: "ya llegué familia, cuál es el plan?, qué hacemos?")
2o la verdad también se me escapó comentárselo...
Mi madre dice que lo ofendería demasiado sino me quedo con él, pero ahí tienes a Gabo que no quiere ofender a nadie... y pues parece que voy a tener que hacer toooodoo lo humanamente posible para pásarmela bien... porque ya están acondicionando la pequeña habitación donde me voy a quedar... así que solo quería comentárselos porque vos sabés que cuando uno estima a alguien no quiere hacer cosas que lo lastimen...entonces pensé en que vos podrían darme un buen consejo...o más bien pretexto LOL

Elección no canonización....

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LA_MONA says on Jul 18, 2007, 08:09:

Jejeje

Jodido pues...
sin pretexto...

Nah solo disfrute y no deje que los problemas maritales dañen su viaje, y claro lo mas amable es avisar cuando vas, a mi no me caeria nada bien que me llegaran asi porque asi (la mayoria de las veces) porque uno quiere preparar todo lindo y como tu dices tener "plan" entonces en mi humilde opinion hiciste bien, por eso te querra tanto tu amigo....

Mona

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 08:53:

pues no te creas, a veces pienso que no me quiere tanto... porque me ha provocado cada guayabo que ni te imaginas hahahahahahaha lo malo es que al día siguiente él está como si nada hubiera pasado, o sea yo sufro el guayabo de los dos!!! LOL soy muy buen amigo!!! jajajajajajaja mentiras...

Y pues sí, lo único que saco de todo esto es que tendré que hacerles caso a ustedes y a mi madre (bien me lo decía ella! jejejejeje) Me siento como perro con la cola entre las patas... mire que yo vine a ver si me ayudaban y resultó que no, que tengo que quedarme con mi amigo jajajajajajajajaja mire a ver!!! y como dice mi madre "pues tan de malas, le tocó quedarse donde Edgar"

Elección no canonización....

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LA_MONA says on Jul 18, 2007, 09:00:

jejeje es que tu no sabias que las mama's siempre tienen la razon? (la mayoria de las veces....)

Te fue como perro en misa mijo....

Y cuidado con esos guayabos.....cuando estes tomando, pide un vaso de agua por cada trago que tomes, tometela despacito, poco a poco y veras que eso ayuda, entre mas deshidratado mas bravo el guayabo...

Ah como nos ayudamos no?

Mona

Para volar, es preciso tener resistencia. -M.Lin

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gabolicious says on Jul 18, 2007, 09:59:

Tienes razón Mona.... qué vamos a hacer? de todas maneras tus consejos son muy buenos y los voy a seguir al pie de la letra... ya te contaré como me fue =)

Elección no canonización....

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