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happy turkey day for you gringos

10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your butt down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little butts to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will tear their butts up and you better not ask why!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be asked to stay your greedy butt home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding. And why are you making plates before you eat? You never bring a dish or offer a dime do you?

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call CPS!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and go home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

By elmodefoque on Nov 20, 2007, 10:52 in Friendly Talkzone.

elmodefoque says on Nov 20, 2007, 10:57:

that's right

I'll get there, when I get there!

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msaucey says on Nov 20, 2007, 11:00:

Nice warming or is it alarming thansgiving dinner at Elmo's... :-)

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. - CS Lewis

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Colombiche says on Nov 20, 2007, 11:12:

Ojala no lo dejen comiendo pavo ;)

No me den trago extranjero, que es caro y no sabe a bueno.... (Rafael Godoy)

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Nov 20, 2007, 11:27:

I think I will leave the kids at home :(

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Chelesupercono says on Nov 20, 2007, 11:28:

My only complaint about Thanksgiving is that if the Pilgrims had shot a cat instead of a turkey....we would be eating ***ussy for Thanksgiving.....

never go to bed with someone crazier then you are, you will do it and you will regret it.......

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Nov 20, 2007, 11:32:

Elmo should send an invitation
1) Menu a la carte
2) no kids under the age of 12 allowed
3) prayers, please straight to the point
4) no seconds
4) bring a doggy bag
5) thieves will be prosecuted
6) make sleeping arrangements before you turn up to avoid disappointments
7) first come first serve
8) If you are planing to go hopin from house to house last entry to mine will be 9:30 pm.
9) please leave on time 11PM latest.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY

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miamimike says on Nov 20, 2007, 12:40:

Elmo--you want to see 'em stay home just tell 'em(spanish guests) they have to at least attempt to eat the Cranberry sauce and Stuffing or NO main Dish(turkey). I'll bet 50% stay home! I like the 10 minute Kid Rule!

Avatar Legend: Bush "If any of you Reporters are wondering, it was a Size 10"

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Tinto (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Nov 20, 2007, 12:55:

Stuffing would definitely be an acquired taste because everyone has a different recipe and some of them are pretty exotic/pretty awful, but what's the hesitation over cranberry sauce? I'm talking about real cranberry sauce, not that fake jello and cow hoof substance that plops out of a can with the ridges of the can embedded in it.

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Lowell says on Nov 20, 2007, 16:04:

That's one holiday that I really don't miss.

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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famsearch says on Nov 20, 2007, 16:36:

hey, those ridges are decoration!!

dan

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David Pristupa says on Nov 20, 2007, 18:40:

I like the stuffing and gravy. I make a
casserole out of it. Mix in veggies gravy cranberries and cut turkey sandwich slices.
A sidesalad and pudding goes well.
Hot brandy gets the appetite going. Mint chocolates and strong black coffee at
the end.

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eywed says on Nov 21, 2007, 03:52:

Turkey day is at my house this year . There is Gringo time and then there is Latin time. I tell the gringos what time we are eating because they will be there right on time. I tell the latins 3 hours earlier. They aint never on time. 3 hours im not kidding. I put the word out this year if you are not in the house by serveing time you not getting in. And can some one please tell me why the person who brings nothing bitches the most and takes 3 or 4 plates home with them. I'm calling them out on it this year.

Ay Hombe!!!!!

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elmodefoque says on Nov 21, 2007, 04:43:

In all seriousness, I‘m not into this thanksgiving chit, and it has nothing to do with what AIM (American Indian movement) taught me, is just that I don’t care much for any tradition. The only tradition I do respect is the tossing of the goats, practice by both the Kogi and Wayuu people in La Guajira.
We have a big feast with dancing into the wee hours. A number of male goats are scarified and we all share the meat. The head and balls are made as offering to out gods.
Anyways, what I usually do thanksgiving day is order a pernil (roast pork), arroz con guandul from the Dominican restaurant and sit around in my underwear scratching my nuts and a big plastic cup of gin and tonic, and the remote..
I have a rule in my apartment , no fokin kids allowed, those little foks make me nervous.

I'll get there, when I get there!

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