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Gringos, Latinas and the Age Gap

In my thread 'Walk tall boys...' I argued that age difference isn't necessarily a bar to sexual attraction. Plenty of young girls are drawn to the older man and plenty of young guys fancy older women. However, I went on to qualify my assertion by saying that a significant age gap is NOT a good basis for a marriage.

Obviously there are exceptions to this, and to all of you who are living that fortunate experience; I can only wish you further happiness. But, all too often, when a man marries much a younger woman, things become horribly unravelled.

At the risk of sounding like a self-help manual, I'd say this is because the two people involved are at different stages of their ‘life-journey’. A young girl at 23 is going to have a head full of dreams and a heart full of romantic notions. A 40 year old guy is going to have his worn down into a more mature and reasonable worldview.

So, this girl meets a (to her) handsome, glamorous gringo and she falls sincerely in love. Not some cynical crap about ‘obviously’ using him for his money, green card etc; she's actually nuts for him. And why shouldn’t she be? After all, with his confidence, success, attentiveness and decency he's obviously Mr. Right.

But that's where the problem lies: He's Mr. Right and he's going to have to go on being Mr. Right for the rest of his life. Back in the States, UK, Canada, wherever, the glamour will inevitably wear off and he'll no longer be a hero, he'll be an ordinary human being. He'll sometimes f*ck things up; he'll get scared; he'll make mistakes; God help him, he might even start crying about something...And she won't like it. All too many young people see human weakness as some kind of failure. And they can be terribly cruel to their heroes when they slip off that pedestal. Make enough mistakes, let enough disillusionment creep in and that beautiful young thing starts thinking: 'Is this all my life amounts to? Hmm, maybe I could do better. That grass on the other side is looking awfully greener...' And then the divorce lawyers can start rubbing their greedy little hands together...

Attached to this general principle is the fact that, not only do young people want to live the dream, they enjoy different things. For example: A friend of mine married a Brazilian 18 years his junior. What does she want to do at the end of her week of studying English and hanging out with other students? Go dancing. What does he want to do after driving a delivery truck for 50 hours a week? Sit on his arse and drink beer. When they first got together, it was like Romeo and Juliet. But now the honeymoon period’s worn off, cracks are beginning to show.

I know I’m painting a pretty bleak picture and, as I said, I appreciate that there are exceptions to the above scenario. But all too often these May to December relationships founder.

If you’re seeking a Colombian partner you’d do well to find one with whom you’re properly compatible. For most of us, that means finding one who’s in her thirties or forties. This, if your head isn’t up your backside, is actually good news! Colombia abounds with beautiful and available thirty/fortysomething women. And I mean beautiful! If you’re ever inclined to doubt this, just seek out the pictures of Arthur Brode’s friend Rosita on this site; or log onto Colombianblog and check out the photos of some of the gorgeous ‘older’ Colombianas on that. Not only are these women very easy on the eye, they tend to be faithful, supportive and tolerant.

The cultural differences between gringos and Colombianas will be tough enough hurdles to deal with; so to have a realistic chance of making a good go of your marriage, think more with the big head and choose your mate wisely. Someone grown up enough to lean on, listen to a confidence; someone who will be as much a friend to you as they are a lover.

By kalder on Mar 26, 2007, 09:27 in Friendly Talkzone.

kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 26, 2007, 10:39:

Great post kalder ;))
Great post kalder ;))

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manINred says on Mar 26, 2007, 11:49:

If true love exists age differences do not matter.

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kalder says on Mar 26, 2007, 11:55:

Guys Kat: Thanks for your vote of support...I expect it's needless to point out that you're one of those beautiful women who appear on Colombiablog? When there's Colombianas like yourself, Mrs. Utopiacowboy and my ex-Reina del Barrio wife, who needs the kids?

esanch: Yeah, I didn't realise DonGringo had started an almost identical thread at about the same time...But it's all good stuff young 'un. You should pay close attention ;-)

jacintosbud: Very wise words. I was especially struck by:

"The men need to examine their lives and see what went wrong and lead them to seek a young woman in Colombia,and then be honest with their failures in the past and if they still want a Colombian seek one with common interest and one they finish growing old with."

"kalder- have you ever had a woman?"--Sam Salmon

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kalder says on Mar 26, 2007, 12:01:

ManINred If 'true love' exists, then yes, perhaps you're right. But if it does, it's a very rare phenomenon. Usually you get those giddy 'in-love' emotions, part sex, part romantic notions, part subconscious forces. And they seldom stand the test of time.

"kalder- have you ever had a woman?"--Sam Salmon

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Lowell says on Mar 26, 2007, 12:20:

gap There’s a 26 year difference in me and the age of my wife. I wanted a new life, have a family and to father a child. I’ve never gotten to experience what being a father is like. Something changed in me a few years ago and I really enjoy being with children. So I had to look for a younger woman.

Yes, I know that I may pass before my baby gets to go through special times in her life. That’s a selfish act on my part. I’ll do the best I can to live as long as I can. So far my baby has come a long way to melt the ice I have in my heart. All I can say is “wow”.

I met my now wife when she was 25. She was the Barrio beauty. Many a man wanted her and still do. Her first child was born form being raped by a person using a date rape drug. She comes from a very hard working family where everyone pitches in to help make a go of things. She has a mother who is a bit archaic and that causes some problems. She and her family have had some other really hard blows. She doesn’t wear overly sexy clothing and is very proper in public. She likes to hold hands in public. I like it, however, I used to feel like the “old geezer with a young foxy babe”. Now I’m well known here, people know that she’s my wife, so I feel a bit more comfortable.

I push her to do things women of her age like to do. Actually, I wish that she’d do more. I don’t hold her back from anything she wants to do. I don’t want her to be a Gringa. I like doing things that people younger than me like to do. I enjoy seeing her be more confident, not feel so downtrodden, know that she now can strive for more and be more free.

For most of my life (as a youngster and an adult) I’ve spent a lot of time alone. Kind of a not really wanting to be, but, because of fate, deaths in the family, changes in economic situations, and intense interest in sports related physical thrills, I’ve been a loner. As a result I became very set in my ways. That’s a hard nut to crack. I’ve identified that, am aware of that and have factored that into my thinking, approach, acceptance of my existence in this family and country. Actually with my wife spending a lot of time with her family, I get a lot of time by myself.

I relish and respect, envy her youth. I try to remember what I was like at that age. I try to remember our cultural differences and level of life differences.

We talk about everything. We discuss the future. We laugh.

We’ve had problems and have worked on them.

We have problems and are working on them. In fact after a big blow up last week, a big hurdle in our relationship may be on it’s way to being mended.

I never really grew up and she is very mature for her age.

I moved to Colombia, not she to Panama or the USA. “You can take a person out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of that person”. She’s not a “Visa” hunter.

We live next door to her family. She spends many hours a day there.

I have a good relationship with her family, friends and neighbors.

Rethink what’s really necessary in life.

I’ve learned to chill out a bit more, not to be so hard on myself and others, accept less than perfect, understand that I’m the “odd man out”, know that when you marry one of these Latin girls, you also marry the family, bite my tongue in public when bothered, know that “Toto this isn’t Kansas”.....

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 26, 2007, 12:27:

so what went wrong Llowel?
so what went wrong Llowel?

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kalder says on Mar 26, 2007, 12:46:

Thanks DonGringo. I think it's a drum that's worth beating. It's so easy to lose your head over those Latinas. A man needs to keep his feelings in check and exercise some judgement.

Mind you, it must be a lot easier having relationships with young Colombianas when you're actually living over there. You get to keep your glamour as a foreigner. (And what you wrote about the overseas guy having the edge in any country is very true). There's less temptation/opportunities for her to stray and so on.

"kalder- have you ever had a woman?"--Sam Salmon

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kat1 (Moderator) (Trustee board) says on Mar 26, 2007, 12:47:

there is a a 10 nearly 11 year different between my husband and me, i did feel a bit the difference of age afterwards , but we are ok but it took a bit of work from both parts. now it seem the age difference is not that much I am in my thirties and he is in his forties, I think I am catching up with him :(

I think the hardest part was when I was in my twenties.after I hit 30 it was difference, I change a lot this time i was the one that wanted to be at home on a saturday night :)))

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mecca says on Mar 26, 2007, 13:38:

it's a mans world for sure IMHO women have the distince advantage from 0-40 years old. Then men take over. In that a 40 year old man can easily get 25 year old women in the states or for sure in Colombia. It is rarer than a whales tooth to see a 40 year old woman with a 25 year old man anywhere on the planet. Men are driven by the hot body of a 20-25 year old and women finally get into the groove of wanting security and no games. Thus the women will begin even looking older.

It's funny, one of my best friends story: When he was 20 he married a 28 year old woman. They eventually divorced. He's about 35 now and dates 25 year old women in the states. His ex-wife is early 40's and dates 60 year old men in the states.

My point, is yes a hot older woman may have a few younger guys to have sex with, but very few younger guys would get caught dead in public with an older woman. (exception is the ultra wealthy or famous older woman)

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jay1234 says on Mar 26, 2007, 16:01:

Kalder Good post. The most important point I think is to find someone with whom you are compatible.
jacintosbud, are you serious about the 1% figure? I agree that the numbers of the May-Dec marriages failing are higher than for a couple closer in age. I am just wondering if you were serious about that figure and if so, where did you get it from. Also, it is not something unique to Colombiana-Gringo relationships to have the man have an upperhand economically. I agree it is wrong to hold this over your partner, if you are in love, you have to accept that it is not going to be 50-50 straight down the middle. But I think that most relationships have at least some degree of financial inequality. The key is recognizing it, discussing it, and seeing if it hurts or helps the relationship. Many gringo-gringa relationships have these issues as well. If the relationship is founded on money, I think its doomed, but if the money is incidental, it can work.

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Lowell says on Mar 26, 2007, 16:18:

Kat still together and working on the wrongs

Alfred E. Newman. "What. Me Worry?"

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mecca says on Mar 26, 2007, 17:15:

Jac what you are saying is profound. Infact, i just wrote something about this on the walk tall thread. What i read in your post is (don't take the girl out of colombia). I personally love Colombia and want to retire there as soon as possible. I would not even think for 1 second in taking a girlfriend/wife out of Colombia (even for vacation)!!

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jay1234 says on Mar 26, 2007, 17:24:

ok... I don't doubt that many relations fail. But your cousin only deals with the failed relations, there is no way to gauge how many are working (happily married couples don't seek help enforcing court orders). But I do agree the age difference is important. I know just for myself that my world view and maturity changed dramatically from when I was in my early 20's to my early 30's and will probably continue to change. So, yeah, it seems like a 20 yr. age gap can be a large issue to deal with. It can work, but will take a lot of effort and a lot of times the younger person will not neccesarily want to put in that kind of work into the relationship. By the way, I know these large age gap relationships are out there, but in my experience with the Colombians I know personally, most relationships are within what I would consider average range (from the couple being about the same age to maybe a 5-10 year difference- which is about the same range as most of my friends here in EEUU). I had not really noticed a big age gap as a widespread phenomenom. Are PBHrs seeing a large age gap as fairly common in relations? I am talking about Colombians only, not Colombiana-Gringo relations. If this is not common are many Colombianas more willing to date older Gringos than Colombians? If so, what I am getting at is do PBHrs think it strictly the ethnic difference or would a Colombiana be inclined to date older Colombians if they were wealthier (and of course, exclude prepagos- I am talking about run of the mill romantic relationships)?

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mecca says on Mar 26, 2007, 17:31:

Jay, your last sentence hit it on the head from my experience. Of the half a dozen colombian friends I have which are wealthy. Every one of them (all men i'm talking about), has a girlfriend/wife which is 10 plus years younger.

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mecca says on Mar 26, 2007, 18:22:

Morphus it's funny you say that all you need is a moto.jajajaja 'Cause another colombian friend who lives in miami and travels back to colombia all the time has a saying "all you need are 4 wheels". He relates that to picking up all the girls. This guy is a womanizer like you can't believe.

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Célle says on Mar 26, 2007, 21:16:

Lowell... what a beatiful story. Thanks for sharing it with us. You quoted:

I push her to do things women of her age like to do. Actually, I wish that she’d do more. I don’t hold her back from anything she wants to do. I don’t want her to be a Gringa. I like doing things that people younger than me like to do. I enjoy seeing her be more confident, not feel so downtrodden, know that she now can strive for more and be more free. relish and respect, envy her youth. I try to remember what I was like at that age. I try to remember our cultural differences and level of life differences. We talk about everything. We discuss the future. We laugh. We’ve had problems and have worked on them. We have problems and are working on them. I never really grew up and she is very mature for her age.

First of all, you're honest with yourself and second of all you're smart. You've good it made! Congrats and best of luck to the both of you :)

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utopiacowboy says on Mar 27, 2007, 06:05:

There is a 40 year age difference between me and my wife, at least 40, maybe 50. With enough little blue pills, the little head is still thinking clearly but the big head's lost it.

Disclaimer: any comment I make is inane and is not to be taken seriously, and is so patently ridiculous that no one should take it seriously, even as an insult.

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